Episode 8: itsoKHAY to Be Becoming

🎙️ Episode 8: itsoKHAY to Be Becoming

Season one finale. 🤍

In this episode, Khay reflects on the heartbreak, healing, motherhood, rebuilding, emotional growth, and life changes that shaped not only this season… but the woman she’s becoming.

This conversation is for anybody who has ever felt behind, lost, emotionally exhausted, or ashamed of still being a work in progress.

Because healing isn’t always pretty.
 Sometimes becoming looks like crying, rebuilding, forgiving slowly, starting over, and still choosing to keep going anyway.

From grieving old versions of yourself… to learning how to give yourself grace while you grow… this episode is a reminder that you do not have to have everything figured out to be worthy of peace, growth, or purpose.

Maybe you’re not behind.
 Maybe you’re not broken.

Maybe…

you’re becoming. 🤍

✨ Real talk. Real healing. Real Khay.

#itsoKHAY #SeasonOneFinale #Becoming

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Well Y'all This This the finale, you know, of season one. We we made it here. And I think for the last two days or so, just reflecting back, I've been really trying my best not to honestly cry before recording this or while recording. And this right now, this kind of what it sounds like trying to hold it all together before I actually go into this episode. So before we get any further in here, I'm just gonna tell you, you may need some wine or something. You may need some tissue. You may be like me and need both of them. Shoot. And I think that's really fitting for, you know, the final, the, you know, the finale of this season, especially the season of becoming and all of that. Yeah, I think I think that is that's only fitting. Because when I first started this podcast, man, I was like, girl, you ain't even got all the answers for real. You don't know what you're doing for real. And I felt like I needed all of that before I even really spoke to y'all. I thought that, you know, healing was like, I had to come on here and be a little polished and be real confident in what I was saying, even though I am. But as far as I guess you could say, living that and all that kind of stuff, I basically was trying to make sure the message that I was trying to give across of being okay, I was trying to make sure that I was okay before speaking to everybody. But the truth is, when I started this podcast, I was still in my becoming, really. And honestly, like I said, I think that's what this whole season has really been about for me. Which was, you know, learning how to exist in the middle of everything. In the middle of healing, heartbreak, rebuilding, motherhood, disappointment, and just, you know, trying to figure out who I was after life had, you know, changed me. Or you may be in that place that you trying to figure out who you are after life changed you. Because life will change you. I'm telling you that now. Pain. Pain will change you. The way you love or see love, that changes you. Just the loss in general, yeah. Expect the change to come with that. For me, my biggest is motherhood. That changed me. And to top all of this off, that I'm going through, I had betrayal to come in as well. And angels always come out of a relationship, either. They can be, you know, not me. I'm just saying they can be with family, definitely friends, you know, somebody you truly love. You'll feel like they betrayed you, and that right there alone, that'll change you too. And if I'm just being completely honest, there was a lot of moments over the past few years where I can say I genuinely just, I didn't know who I was. I I couldn't even really recognize myself. Like, I really didn't know who this girl was that I'm standing here looking at every day. Because I was doing what people were doing. I was masking everything. I had done laugh through all my little pain I was going through. I was sitting there laughing about it, making jokes of, you know, doing my heartbreak. I was smiling while, you know, behind the scenes of probably, I was really breaking down. And one thing I love doing was showing up for people. And I'm sitting here showing up while, baby, I was barely even able to hold myself together. And, you know, I can say some people never really notice. And I guess I can say that thanks to a lot of my followers and a lot of my listeners that listen and they see me and they tell me, oh, I didn't even know that. Or I didn't know you felt like this or that. I know, baby, I can put on a real. I'm not even gonna sit up here in front and like, baby. If can't nobody put on a good mask, I can do that. K, she can do that. But the people that knew me for real, they did. They knew what was up, they knew what was going on, they they could see past it. And I just want to say, you know, to the people that stayed, the people that listen, all the ones that checked in on me, and I'm talking about checked in on me during the time, checked in on me, like after an episode will release. I have a few friends call me and check in. You okay, you good? The people that saw me beyond all of this right here, the people that saw me beyond social media, beyond the it's okay podcast, like the people that see me behind this voice that y'all hear, if I can't say nothing else, I really want to say thank you. I know I tell y'all all the time, but I'm telling you here again, man, thank you for real. Because truthfully, I've had to, y'all, I've had to grieve some versions of myself that I thought would last forever, really. Like the version of me that thought love would just look a certain way, you know, part of me that thought loyalty itself was just a guaranteed safety. And you know, even a part of me that just thought, man, if you just keep loving harder, you keep getting yourself harder and pulling yourself out more and more, that I thought that alone was gonna save it. I thought that was gonna save everything. And whew, baby, I'ma tell you, life, baby, life humble me real quick and real fast. It did. But somewhere between surviving, crying, crying, and baby some more crying. I I promise you, I don't know. I can't even tell you how much tears that I had to shed, man, to even get to this place right here. Feeling like I'm starting over. While I feel like I'm starting over, man, I still got my babies over here I gotta raise. I still gotta show up for work. I gotta be there for my mama. I gotta, you know, y'all know, if if you don't know, y'all know me and my mama work together. I got to show up, I gotta put all this to the back and still show up. And I still had to show up like right now, recording the episode, doing what I supposed to be doing, what I'm called and my purpose of what I'm supposed to be out here doing. I was just trying to, you know, keep going, even when I was just main, emotionally exhausted. See, like I could have a lot going on the week, a episode supposed to be going, and I would just stop and be like, I gotta stop. Regardless of how I feel, I gotta stop and I gotta do this because somebody gotta hear this. Somebody gotta this gotta let somebody know you ain't by yourself, you ain't feeling like this alone. That's not it. And I can honestly say, during all of that, I started meeting a different version of myself. I met a real little soft version of myself, love it here. Um, a wiser version. Found out just how strong I was in all of this. Yeah, I met a real strong version of myself. Now, it's not, and it's all it's not perfect. It's it's never always perfect because you gotta be honest. You still not fully healed for real. And yeah, I still get emotional sometimes. I still get triggered by a lot of stuff sometimes. And I'm still, baby, I'm still figuring this out. Clearly, I mean, but and all that no longer though. Like, I'm I'm not ashamed of where I am in this process. And maybe, maybe that's what I've been learning or I had to learn, that healing isn't always, it ain't always about becoming the perfect person or the perfect version of yourself. You know, it's about giving yourself permission to keep growing, even while, you know, you still healing. Because somewhere along the way, I don't even know where it comes from for real. But people, you know, they'll make you feel like you had to fully arrive before, you know, before we really worthy, if that makes sense. Like we had to have the perfect body, the perfect relationship, perfect, you know, mental health and mental state of mind. They were trying to make you feel like you had to have this, what you thinking, as they showing you, a perfect life before you can really feel proud of where you was at. Like you can be proud right here where you at. And I'm gonna tell you, because trying to do it that way, nah, baby, that that that right there, that just became a little bit too exhausting for me. So that's why I already knew mentally. You can check out of that. That that ain't even for the role for you right there. So no, I I I'm always honest about that. When I meet people outside of here, when I'm talking to people one-on-one, I'm very clear on no, I don't have this all figured out. No, I don't know the next plan for real. I'm winging this thing because I'm I'm honest about where I'm at. I'm still healing, I'm still learning, baby. I'm still trying to rebuild like certain parts of myself. But I can say this for the first time in a long time, baby. I'm finally okay with being a work in progress. Really, I am. And maybe, maybe that's what I want y'all to take. It's not a maybe, I do. I want y'all to take this from this episode. If you don't get nothing else, I want you to know that you don't have to become, you don't have to do that overnight. You don't have to, you know, rush your healing, you don't have to rush your growth. Don't try to rush, man, what is my purpose? What nah, don't rush all of that. And please don't rush your peace. Don't do that either, because trying to rush all of that is gonna that's gonna affect your peace. That's gonna, that's gonna take away from that. So don't rush none of that. Just go with the process, go with the flow. So I just feel like I know some of y'all out there, I know y'all probably sitting there bullying yourself, beating yourself up because you feel like I haven't got to the place I want to be, or I ain't really there, I ain't arrived yet. But just sit back for a second. Just sit there for a minute and say, you know, ask yourself, what if that's not even what life is requiring from you right now? Where you at right now, it's not, it may not be for you to be fully there, fully arrived. What if it's just like what I'm doing is you just simply still be coming over time. Just sit with that. It could be that. You know, you still question yourself sometimes, and I know you probably over there carrying that grief, and you be feeling lost every now and then. Listen, give yourself grace. Do that because becoming, it can be, baby, becoming is messy. I'm serious. Y'all know my tagline, life is messy, but that's okay, and so are you. That's the process of becoming. You know, it grieves. You'll be sitting there, you be forgiving slowly. You gotta probably start over in this process of becoming, baby. You gonna, I'm gonna go on and tell you now, you're gonna outgrow some people. You're gonna outgrow some loved ones, you're gonna outgrow some friends. And I'm talking about these can be your friends for 15 plus years. If they ain't meant for the season that you going into now, baby, you feel to outgrow them. You you are because healing happens in layers. I have found that out. It happens in layers, and baby, just understand all of that, that still counts. All of that counts. Because, like I said, for the first time in a long time, for real, I'm not ashamed of the woman that I'm not ashamed of the woman that I'm becoming anymore. Baby, I'm not I'm not even ashamed of the woman that I once was. Let's make that clear too. But I'm most definitely not ashamed of the woman that I'm becoming now. So maybe, maybe you're not behind. And no, you're not broken. You just might be in the same place that I've been for a while in your becoming season. And baby, listen. I promise you, it's okay.