LIVED - Unfiltered: Icks, Exes, Fears & Phobias

In this episode Maryanne & Tara are keeping it completely unfiltered as they discuss the biggest icks in men, share their thoughts on being friends with exes, and reveal some of their most honest fears and phobias. Consider this your weekly dose of brutally honest girl talk.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:06

Hello and welcome to our podcast Lived. I'm Mary Ann Sayers. And I'm Tara Steinway. Today we are changing gears in a big way. We've had a few episodes that have been a little bit deep and soul searching and heavy, so we've decided to lighten things up a bit with our unfiltered series. And today's topics are icks, X's, fears, and phobias. So basically, with our unfiltered series, we're going to be choosing a few topics that we are going to discuss. There's no consultation between Tara and I beforehand. We know the topics, but we don't know what each other is bringing to the conversation. So let's get into today's topics icks, exes, fears, and phobias. Off you go, Tara. The icks, by the way, relates to men. Men only. Only men. We are very sexist.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

Oh, I'll get straight into it then. I have quite a few here.

SPEAKER_02 1:08

Keep in mind, we were only supposed to bring maybe four or five. I'm looking at your list that you are scrolling through. There is pages of icks related to men.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

I haven't had the best experience with men, so have now. I have now, yes. All right. First one flexing. Flexing? Yeah. Tell me about it. I just get the ick. Like if I used to work out at the gym, Anytime Fitness, and just the men that over the top stare at themselves in the mirror. Yes. Flexing.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:46

It's good to look at yourself and be proud, but anything more than that, I'm like, ugh.

SPEAKER_02 1:51

There is a lot of that, isn't there? There is.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

Too much. Too much testosterone.

SPEAKER_02 1:55

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

And ego.

SPEAKER_02 1:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

Do you want to go next? Or should I keep on going with my big one?

SPEAKER_02 2:01

I'll throw one in and then we can do you can do a couple. So the one of the things that is a big ick for me is uh swearing. Lots of swearing. And that probably applies to people in general, maybe not just men. I I'm not a fan, I'm not on board with lots and lots of like just kind of profound swearing, like F-bombs, C bombs, but it's it's part of their kind of everyday conversation.

SPEAKER_00 2:27

Yeah, it's not just expression.

SPEAKER_02 2:29

Correct. I swear, but so I'm not, you know, I'm not saying that I'm not a swearer. I do swear, but I find that a real turn off when it just becomes part of their everyday conversation, and regardless of who might be around them as well.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

I agree. I think it's just it comes off very aggressive. Yeah, so I don't like the energy around it.

SPEAKER_02 2:48

No, I agree.

SPEAKER_00 2:50

Okay, what should I say next?

SPEAKER_02 2:53

Just just bear with us while Tara scrolls.

SPEAKER_00 2:57

Table manners. That's a huge one.

SPEAKER_02 3:00

I've heard you talk about this before, actually. Yes. So is this around how they how they eat?

SPEAKER_00 3:07

Just all of it. Just slopping when you can see what's going on in their mouth, talking with a mouthful. I just don't like any of it. It's a really, really big one for me. And I just could never sit across from someone at a dinner table or being out on a date with them when they're eating that way. It's such a turn-off. Like the the attraction completely goes on out the door.

SPEAKER_02 3:34

It's it's lost at that point. Like, would you say something? Like, if you were on a date, let's pretend, let's go back into your into your past. It would you actually say something, do you reckon, if you were on a date and it was really bothering you, or would you just kind of be polite, end the date, and that was it? Or would you say something?

SPEAKER_00 3:53

Probably not, to be honest. Yeah. Depends on my mood. If I was in a feisty mood, maybe, but I don't think so. I think if they've gone on that long in their life eating that way, and they were never taught how to eat properly, it's probably something that they're not going to change.

SPEAKER_02 4:14

It's a lifelong habit.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

And I don't want to be someone's mum teaching them things they should have already been taught.

SPEAKER_02 4:20

Yeah. No, table minutes, it's a good one. It probably does go back to childhood, actually, when you think about it. Your turn. Alright. Next smoking. Ugh. I used to smoke back in the day.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

You have told me that.

SPEAKER_02 4:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:35

I won't judge.

SPEAKER_02 4:36

Oh, please do, because I judge. I'm quite, I'm quite mortified by it, actually. Like one of my biggest life regrets is the fact that I smoked for quite a long time. From when I was about 16, probably for about 15 years. I wasn't ever, when I say I wasn't ever a like a everyday smoker. I was never an everyday smoker, but I would always smoke when I would go out with friends, you know, go out for you know for a drink. Yeah, but I I I I think that's a bit of a cop-out term. I used to say that. I used to say I'm only a social smoker. But anyway, I'm a smoker, so I was a smoker, I should say. I stopped, oh, like 20 years ago. And anyway, so if I was dating and the man that I was dating was a smoker, I pretty much think that would be a deal breaker for me if there was no awareness or intention around trying to break the habit. Yeah, I would just not I don't think I would be able to do that.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

I don't think I could even date a past smoker. Yeah. That's how much of a make or break it is for me.

SPEAKER_02 5:45

Yeah, I can understand that.

SPEAKER_00 5:46

I feel like unless it was like 20 years ago or something, but I feel like I just the thought, I think because both my parents smoked, my dad smoked the whole time throughout my childhood, but mum was on and off smoker. But I think just the smell of it sticks with you. Yes. And you can smell it on like their fingertips, on the clothes, just on everything. And I just couldn't even the hair and it changes, is it their teeth colour or is that their fingertips colour?

SPEAKER_02 6:15

No, it definitely no, the nicotine, it definitely stains everything. Yeah, too.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

Yeah, and I just think kissing someone that I couldn't get that idea out of my head.

SPEAKER_02 6:25

Yeah. I also wonder whether smoking because vaping is now obviously a big thing. I don't I was talking to someone about this the other day. I don't know whether smoking is as common as what it was back, like if we go back to when I was in my 20s, so that's 30 years ago. 30 years ago, like lots of people smoked. Yeah, it was definitely more of the norm. Because also back then you could smoke in uh, you know, public places like bars. Obviously, all of that's completely changed now. Yes. So I feel like it's not as common. But anyway, yeah, it's it's off, it's I'm not on board with it.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

I agree, and same rules apply for vaping, it's just as bad. Even though it smells better, it's still just as bad. I think it's disgusting and it pisses me off when people think they can just do it anywhere and everywhere, walking down the street. Like, have a look around. Yeah, especially now that I'm a mum. I'm like, I don't want summer smelling that.

SPEAKER_02 7:22

You're very aware of it. Yeah, you do see people, they often they'll try and do it on the sly as if people don't know that they're doing it.

SPEAKER_00 7:27

Disgusting. Okay, is that no? That was your one.

SPEAKER_02 7:31

Okay, yeah, that takes care of my next one, which was male hygiene. So that I'll cover that.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

Oh no, we can go deeper into the male hygiene.

SPEAKER_02 7:38

Yeah, okay. Brushing tea. Yeah, anyway, what's yours?

SPEAKER_00 7:41

My one? Okay. I don't know why this is a thing, but I've spoken to quite a few people and they've said the same. Males tend to peel their toenails off rather than clipping them. What is up with that?

SPEAKER_02 8:00

I think I do that.

unknown 8:01

Yuuuuck!

SPEAKER_02 8:03

Hang on, let me just think about that. I think I do that. No, sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 8:07

I'm not gonna be able to get that vision out of my head now.

SPEAKER_02 8:09

I probably shouldn't have said that. I think I do.

SPEAKER_00 8:13

Why can't you use a pair of clippers?

SPEAKER_02 8:16

It's a good question. It's a good question. Look at she's looking at me with absolute horror. So I don't know. Yeah, okay. Or anyway, this is about men, this is not about me, but I'm thinking I do that.

SPEAKER_00 8:26

Really? I don't get it. I don't understand it. I just little ick, ick, bick, ick ick, ick.

SPEAKER_02 8:34

So you you were about to say it's predominantly a male thing.

SPEAKER_00 8:38

I thought it was.

SPEAKER_02 8:39

Buster that myth.

SPEAKER_00 8:40

Yeah. Surprised you even admitted that to me. I know. Moving on, everyone. I've got to be honest.

SPEAKER_02 8:45

Honesty's a good thing to do all the time.

SPEAKER_00 8:47

Not all the time. Moving on.

SPEAKER_02 8:50

Mouth hypothese, what is there to say? I just it's just about brushing your teeth.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

Well, that goes for everything.

SPEAKER_02 8:56

You don't want death breath.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

No.

SPEAKER_02 8:58

How can you expect your partner to want to kiss you and hook up with you and but some I I I've I remember again going back, there was definitely some guys that I dated at the time that had terrible and I I still remember it.

SPEAKER_00 9:12

Yeah, it's a that stays with you for sure. Yep. That's that just goes without saying, I think.

SPEAKER_02 9:18

Basic hygiene looking after.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

Oh well, I can just keep going if you want me to keep going. I don't even know how many we're up to. We're gonna make this entire episode just on icks of men. Boys in their cars, and I say boys because it typically is when boys first get their licenses, their peas, but the revving, just the I don't know, even more grown-up males that I've seen with hotted up cars. I just think, did you not grow up?

SPEAKER_02 9:48

They say that's an that's an extension of their penis in terms of you know, big showing, big noting themselves.

SPEAKER_00 9:58

Yeah, and I'm not talking about just having appreciation for their car because you know, everyone likes to drive a nice car or whatever, but it's just the that vibe around it where they just think they're really cool because they're like this car.

SPEAKER_02 10:15

You feel like it's like really juvenile.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

Yes, I do, and it just ick, ick.

SPEAKER_02 10:23

Okay, what about this one? Actually, this is a unisex one. No, we're only doing men, but no, but I'm just making the point. This actually applies to men and women. Okay. A big ick for me is when you're in a conversation with someone and they're just constantly talking about themselves and they're not directing any of the questions or conversation towards you. It just shows a complete lack of curiosity and interest in the person that you're speaking to. So again, I can remember dates that I went on in the past where the guy that I was with would just be constantly talking about himself and not asking me anything. And I'm the sort of person in that situation that, and this is I don't know whether this is a f like a bit of a fault of mine, but I'll kind of, when I'm aware that that's happening, I'll just continue to kind of feed the beast by you know continuing to ask questions about them and show interest. I almost overcompensate. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 11:21

Do you mean in the sense of they're not just sharing information about themselves, but they're big noting themselves?

SPEAKER_02 11:28

That, but they're not then so I'll, you know, ask them, what do you do for a job? And they'll go off and tell me that, but they're not then ask you asking me anything, and then so I feel like I've got to fill the gap. So then I'm I'm like I said, I'm overcompensating, and I just find that and then it's really one-sided conversation. And I I'm talking about social situations as well, so it could be with men or women in a social situation where you first meet someone.

SPEAKER_00 11:51

I'm half half on that one because I think sometimes it can possibly be nerves, yes, so or maybe a bit of like social anxiety. So I would take that into account, but if it's the constant big noting and you get to a second, third, fourth interactive interaction with them and they're doing the exact same thing, totally agree.

SPEAKER_02 12:12

Yeah, you probably do need it to see it over a couple of different situations to see whether that is just their personality, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

Yeah, I'm talking about from a dating standpoint, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, I had bragging on my list, so I guess that kind of covers that one. Trying to fight other men is a big ick. And I understand if you want to stand up for your partner, say another male has made a comment to their partner, like an inappropriate comment, or and the male stands up for the for the woman or their partner. I think that's nice, but when it's you know this the old like, do you want to go me? Like, you know that that real teenagey thing that juvenile thing comes out again, doesn't it? I am instantly like I would walk away.

SPEAKER_02 13:04

Yeah, I agree with that actually. I know what you mean. They really just and they but I think they do it because they think it's attractive to the woman.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

It's not attractive, it's an ick.

SPEAKER_02 13:12

Yeah, I agree. So my my probably my last one almost should have been at the top of my list, is shoes, but specifically boat shoes.

SPEAKER_00 13:27

I thought you were gonna say crocs.

SPEAKER_02 13:29

No, actually, I don't have a problem with crocs.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 13:31

Boat shoes, and I I am gonna preface this, and you're gonna go, uh I I preface this by saying Is that what I sound like? You will, I'm sure. I'm gonna preface it by saying anyone who is listening whose partner or husband has boat shoes, absolutely take no offense to it. It's just a personal ick of mine, and I don't know where it comes from. So, you know, the boat shoes, they kind of look like the little slip-on things, but they've got the leather laces around the sides.

SPEAKER_00 13:57

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I cannot stand them. I tried getting Matt to wear them a few years ago because I actually like them. Did you? Yeah, but he said they're like old man shoes, and he refuses. But I like the look because it kind of came from the Northern Beaches boys. They would wear, I don't know, like a white pair of shorts, like Chino shorts, and then like a light blue or a navy blue button-up, linen shirt, and then those loafer shoes, like the boat shoes that you're talking about. And I thought it looked hot.

SPEAKER_02 14:30

I can when you put it like that, I can say, yeah, it's it's often part of a very well-dressed man that's dressed, yeah, you know, boat like northern beaches, or they boating or sailing, or they're just kind of in that in that crowd. And I don't know why, but it would it would seriously be a deal breaker for me. I often look at the shoes first. I remember that when I was dating, I'd I'd kind of have a glimpse down at the shoes. And honestly, if there was boat shoes there, that would be it. So I don't know what it what it goes back to. So there you go. That's actually should be top of my list. Don't know why I've left it to last.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

That's your biggest make or break.

SPEAKER_02 15:05

Yeah, probably now that you've said it like that.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

Probably like over someone not brushing their teeth.

SPEAKER_02 15:12

Probably, really, yeah, probably. Like it's it's it's actually I left the best to last.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

I think I feel differently about us after this conversation.

SPEAKER_02 15:21

Are we gonna continue with the podcast? Do you reckon?

SPEAKER_00 15:23

Oh, we'll have to see. Alright, I'll I'll just name a few last ones of mine. Not taking initiative with plans. I don't like that. I think it's just like young man energy.

SPEAKER_02 15:38

That's interesting because you, from what I gather, you do like to when I say be in control, I just mean organized is probably what I'm talking about. Organised. So do you like a man to take control of an outing or plan something, and you would you would be okay to sit back and allow that to happen without like you would like that to happen. Maybe not allow is not the right word, but you would like that to happen.

SPEAKER_00 16:05

Yeah, I get what you mean. I don't love surprises, but I'm never really too surprised because I am sleuty. So I kind of know when something's happening. Yeah, but I just mean I love when Matt messages me is like, hey Taz, could you please try and ask the nanny or my sister to have summer next Friday or Saturday night. I'm taking you to dinner, let me know which night, I'll book it. We're gonna leave it this time.

SPEAKER_02 16:31

Are you taking note of that, Matt?

SPEAKER_00 16:32

No, he does it. No, that's he does it all the time. So I love that. I have friends that have been in past relationships where their partner hasn't once asked them to take them to breakfast.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

And I just think that's just not acceptable.

SPEAKER_02 16:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

Just no, and they constantly rely on the female to make all of their weekend plans or just organise their life. Well, we're not your mum.

SPEAKER_02 16:55

And that becomes very, they become very set in their ways then. Yeah. It becomes very stale.

SPEAKER_00 16:59

Yes. And that also leads into my my next one: not making effort on birthdays, mother's days, mother's days, mother's day, Christmas, or did I already say birthdays? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Um, I just think, especially when they know it's so important to their partner, a handwritten card goes a long way. I'm not about spending hundreds or thousands of dollars every single event, but a little bit of thought really goes a long way. And you want to keep that romance alive.

SPEAKER_02 17:30

I agree with that. And you just mentioned a little handwritten note. I am I am a huge fan, if that's the right word, of the written word. Me too. I like it means more to me than probably anything in terms of even I'm not at talking text messages, I'm talking about an actual handwritten letter or note or card. I I just love it. I really, really love it.

SPEAKER_00 17:55

It's bringing up a memory that I'm having. I can't remember what year it was. I think it was just after no, it must have been before Matt and I engage. I can't remember anyway, who cares? But he had organized this whole day just for Valentine's Day, which I know most men aren't really into Valentine's Day, but I just love celebrating every event. And so he had organized this beautiful day. I think he'd even bought me a dress and picked the dress out, which he's always amazing at every single thing that he has ever bought me.

SPEAKER_01 18:28

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

And he we got a what do they call like a water boat across over to like a water taxi thing or no, like an actual plane, a water, not a water boat. Oh I'm not making sense. A sea plane, thank you. And we landed at, I don't even remember the name of the restaurant, Jonah's. Yes, is it Jonas? Is that still around? I think so. Wow. And it was just such a beautiful day. I'm going to sound like such a spoiled bitch right now, but I was quite upset. And at the end of the day, I said to him, Thank you so much for the day, but I'm really upset. And he was like, Why? I said, You didn't give me a Valentine's Day card because every birthday prior or Christmas, he has always written me a really beautiful handwritten card, and that's what means the most to me.

SPEAKER_02 19:23

Right. So that you felt disappointed by that.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

A little bit, yeah. Because I said, Don't forget the small things.

SPEAKER_02 19:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

I mean, I love I love the big things, but like I love the small things more.

SPEAKER_02 19:33

Little reminder is okay.

SPEAKER_00 19:35

Yeah. Anyway, maybe I'll just pick one more on my list.

SPEAKER_02 19:40

Make it a good one. They've all been good. Let's finish with a bang on the ix. Do you know what we should do next episode or one of the episodes? We should do what's like a really big kind of appeal, green flags in men, like what's attractive.

SPEAKER_00 19:58

Now you're just being too nice. No. We have to redeem ourselves. We've got to balance it. Yeah, I'm up for that. I can name a lot of good things. Same. Maybe. I'll have to think harder about that, but I can't. Uh the last one I'll end it on is just being rude. No, I've got two things actually. Being rude to service workers. Oh, yeah. Big ick. I don't like it. It's just you need to have respect for everyone and their people as well. Just because we're the customer.

SPEAKER_02 20:27

100%.

SPEAKER_00 20:28

They're people as well, doing their best. And the last one is not speaking poorly about their exes.

SPEAKER_02 20:36

Oh, yeah, that's a that's a good one, actually.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

Yeah, I don't like it.

SPEAKER_02 20:40

That's a really good one.

SPEAKER_00 20:42

Not always, not every time things end amicably. I can't say. But I just don't think it's a good look to speak nasty about your ex to your new partner.

SPEAKER_02 20:57

Yeah, and I think actually if they're bringing that up and having a conversation around that, then that probably says a lot about what that relationship was actually like and potentially what their role in any breakdown of that relationship was. You know what I mean? It's almost like they're trying to convey even though you've got no interest in hearing about it or knowing about it. I feel like even if that's coming up, that's probably a little bit of a red flag in that in that sense.

SPEAKER_00 21:20

Unless I've asked a question. Of course. But if they just bring them up and they're not speaking positively about them, just don't say anything. But and there's also too, every relationship has good and bad parts about it.

SPEAKER_01 21:33

Correct.

SPEAKER_00 21:34

But there's also his side, her side, or two sides, but then the third side, which is the truth.

SPEAKER_02 21:40

That's right. Exactly right. That is so true. Well, that's all I'll end on. Okay, so we move on to exes. So this is really about a question around is it okay to be friends with your ex? Mom. My answer to that is yes.

SPEAKER_00 22:02

Me too.

SPEAKER_02 22:04

Yeah, there you go. I think m maybe if you'd spoken to me back in my teens, late teens, early twenties, I probably would have answered that differently because I was probably a lot more insecure back then.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

Oh me too, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 22:19

But now I'm completely okay with that. I think actually, if anything, I think it's quite a you know a a good sign in terms of if uh if you can have depending. I mean, there's obviously breakdowns of relationships that are really painful and unpleasant and you never want to see that person again. I get that. But I feel like if you're able to maintain a sort of a dignified relationship with your ex and you have a friendship, whatever that friendship looks like, I mean it's it's obviously got to be with boundaries as well.

SPEAKER_00 22:49

I was going to say there's boundaries. I've written some here.

SPEAKER_02 22:52

Tell me what the boundaries are, because I probably will agree with them.

SPEAKER_00 22:55

So depending on how it ended, how long ago it was, and if both sides have moved on and happy in their new relationship. Yes. And then if the significant other is comfortable with that, without there being control. But I mean, when I say friendship, I'm not talking about going to the gym together. That's inappropriate, I feel. If you want to, why do you need to go to the gym with your ex?

SPEAKER_02 23:20

Correct.

SPEAKER_00 23:21

There's many other people you can go to the gym with. I just mean in social settings, you can still if because a lot of people, if they've been in even in short-term or long-term relationship, you then have similar friends, and so you don't want to make it awkward for your friends to kind of choose sides, or it just makes it really gross. Awkward. Awkward. Yeah. So I think it comes with maturity and it comes with you feeling insecure.

SPEAKER_02 23:51

Uh you feeling secure. Secure. And I I think you've raised a good point, which is probably the boundary I was thinking about the most was if your current partner is uncomfortable with that, then obviously that's going to warrant a conversation, a caring conversation with your partner to sort of talk through that. Because I certainly, you know, obviously, if you've got a partner who perhaps from as a result of a previous relationship had been cheated on or was very insecure, I think you've got to take that into account and just manage that respectfully as well as I agree.

SPEAKER_00 24:25

There is a line though, you can't bring all your issues from an old relationship into a new relationship. But I definitely think there's a line.

SPEAKER_02 24:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 24:35

Compromise. Yeah. And conversations, healthy conversations. Yeah. Yeah, there you go. Okay, I'm actually shocked that we both agree on that one. Are you? Yeah. You thought I would be the other way. I'm not sure, to be honest. I just know that it can be quite a controversial answer.

SPEAKER_02 24:51

Because there would be some people that would say categorically no, like there would just be a flat no to that. Yeah. To say no way. I if my partner is wanting to have any kind of friendship with their ex, that's it. I mean, no, I would never.

SPEAKER_00 25:03

I think also me too, I definitely would have been the opposite even 10 years ago. But now that I am married and Matt has to have a relationship and some sort of base of friendship because he has children with his ex-wife, I can see that it is possible.

SPEAKER_02 25:25

And I think when you using that as an example when there's kids involved, you want you would ideally want to see the two parents having an amicable relationship for the sake of the kids. A hundred percent but nothing else. Even if they have to put aside all the differences, that is surely the kids are the most important thing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:48

Anything's possible. It's probably the only thing that I agree to be in the grey area with because I'm such a black and white person. So it'd be like absolutely yes, absolutely no. Yeah. But this is like a grey area, I think.

SPEAKER_02 26:02

Yes, it is. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 26:04

Okay, moving on to our last topic.

SPEAKER_02 26:06

Oh, I've got some doozies with this one actually. Fears and phobias. You start, I'll start actually. I'll start. Um, this is a pretty common one for a lot of people. I've got a story to a quick story to attach to this one. I have a not a fear, what it's a phobia, I guess, blood. I'm not good with blood. I'm not good with seeing blood whether it's you know firsthand or on the TV show or whatever. Uh like I just I pass out. And I'll tell you a quick story. About 10 years ago, my husband and I went to the movies and we saw the movie. Do you remember the movie Gone Girl? Yes. It had, I think, was it Ben Affleck? Anyway, whoever was in it. There is a scene in that movie towards the end that is quite a graphic murder scene, essentially. There wasn't actually a lot of what you could see on the screen, but there was the sound effects of anyway. You get where I'm going. I literally, in the middle of the cinema, passed out. I literally passed out.

SPEAKER_00 27:13

Like I can understand that though.

SPEAKER_02 27:16

It was horrific. And so I've always had this thing about blood. And so if anyone even starts talking about it, I actually I went to get my wisdom teeth out. I had to get them four wisdom teeth out in the under General Anesthetic. Even in the consultation with the dentist, or not the dentist, what are they? The the surgeon, I should say, prior to the cons prior to me going in for surgery. He was talking about some of the possible side effects, and he talked about this thing called dry socket or something, which is a side effect. He was talking about it, and it involved him talking about blood. I passed out and I never went back. Like I literally, the next thing I came to, I was on the floor there over me trying to bring me back. So it's it's extreme.

SPEAKER_00 27:56

Which is funny because, well, I don't know, funny is the right word, but your husband's a paramedic. Correct. So I guess he can't share too many stories with you.

SPEAKER_02 28:04

100%. It's so funny you say that he cannot share anything with me. I would literally, I don't know how paramedics or other first responders do it. I would I'd be a basket case.

SPEAKER_00 28:15

That's a whole nother topic in itself, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 28:17

It is.

SPEAKER_00 28:17

Alright, mine's real quirky. I can't only have one hand wet. And I'll give a bit of contact.

SPEAKER_02 28:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 28:27

Like, I think it's really come about since being a mum because you're trying to hold 500 things in your hands and do 10 things at once. So if I, I don't know, had food on my hand and I've got summer in one hand and I turn the tap on and wash the one hand, I have to kind of just splash even a tiny bit of water or use my hand to wipe the other hand to get it a little bit wet before I dry both hands. I cannot stand the sensation of only drying one hand. Really? I can't do it. I don't care how much people want to say that I'm weird. It's I cannot.

SPEAKER_02 29:06

So if you were holding summer in one arm, let's say your left arm, and then you quickly just put your right hand under the kitchen tap just to give it a rinse, turn it off, you couldn't then walk away at that point. You would have to switch her over or whatever, or you just have to get the other left hand under there to work.

SPEAKER_00 29:20

I couldn't dry it.

SPEAKER_02 29:21

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 29:23

I dry my hands on the hand towel after. I couldn't dry it unless the other hand's wet.

SPEAKER_02 29:28

That's bizarre. That's like an OCD. Is that an OCD thing? Probably.

SPEAKER_00 29:32

Yeah. Yeah. I I do have OCD. I'm diagnosed. I diagnose myself with that one.

SPEAKER_02 29:41

Okay, what about oh, this is this is this is a boring one, but very common heights. I'm no good with heights. Absolutely. Can't even climb a ladder. Not that I'm climbing ladders often, but if I, if I don't know, my husband's doing something on the roof of the house and I've got a he wants me to pass him something, I'll climb up two or three steps of the ladder, and I'm I'm starting to get that the sweaty palms. Yeah, I'm just I can't deal with them.

SPEAKER_00 30:06

So I can understand that. It's not one of mine, but I can definitely understand it.

SPEAKER_02 30:11

And the other thing is if I am going up somewhere high, like um there was a family holiday we went to Bali where you go up to those giant water slides and there's staircases up. And as I was going up the staircases, I found myself almost crouching down to get closer to the ground. I had this really awful feeling that I just needed to be on the ground. So yeah, it's it's I'll never ever skydive, bungee jump, not, not happening ever in my life. Never has no appeal to me. Have you done that?

SPEAKER_00 30:42

Yeah, I used to be quite fearless when I was a little bit younger. I think becoming a mum changes you in so many ways. So I wouldn't throw myself out of a plane anymore. I have skydived three or four times, and I've bungee jumped and I just have that little bit of crazy streak in me. But now that I'm a mum, I'm like, I have to be safe at all times. And I would I've probably developed a bit of fear actually around doing stuff like that, but I also get a good adrenaline rush, like that would probably outweigh that in the past for me, where I'm like, no, it's cool, I wouldn't experience that. Yeah, yeah. But I can understand that. Yep. Okay, well, I've got some boring ones, just sharks and spiders.

SPEAKER_02 31:28

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:29

I it's definitely gotten worse as I've gotten older. When I first met Matt, he surfed a lot, and I actually tried surfing when I was a lot younger, but I was terrible, and I would more go for a paddle because I would never even attempt to try and stand up on a wave. But Matt ended up teaching me, and I was okay. I got to stand up. I wouldn't even go across the wave, I'd just go forward. But it was fun, it was something fun for us to do. But even now, I can't even do it at Kitty's Corner at your minor where it's quite shallow, quite far out. I'm just petrified of sharks now.

SPEAKER_02 32:08

Oh, so I was gonna ask, so it's not actually the water itself, or it's it's the you're thinking, is there a shark around?

SPEAKER_00 32:15

Yeah, it's definitely 90% a shark, but then I've also watched way too many videos on TikTok where you see all of these undiscovered species that people have probably created in AI. Yeah, do you know it's just the sea is a scary place?

SPEAKER_02 32:33

I agree, it's actually on my list. Ocean, um, I I love the beach. I love I love going into the water up to my waist. I think it goes back to when I had back surgery about six or seven years ago, and I wasn't allowed to sort of I had spinal fusion surgery in my back, um, so I couldn't, I had to be really careful of things. But anyway, apart from that, I have this irrational fear of drowning. And same for my kids, like if my kids go, and you know, my kids are like 22 and nearly 18 now. I've just got this irrational fear of drowning, and I get to a certain point, like my husband's a surfer as well. Get to a certain point, and really I start to panic, like if I feel like I'm going into water that's too deep, big waves. Never used to be like that. I don't know what it is. It's not sharks. I don't think about sharks. I just think about I don't I'm I'm I the other thing I think it goes back to is not all that long ago, maybe I don't know, oh, it was probably 15 years ago, I got caught in a rip. And that was terrifying. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:34

I can imagine.

SPEAKER_02 33:35

That was here on the central coast, and I got out of that rip eventually, but it was very touch and go. So yeah, I guess that would make sense.

SPEAKER_00 33:41

That makes sense. I'm not I'm not scared of drowning.

SPEAKER_02 33:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:45

But just hearing you talk about your kids, Matt has said, I wonder if Summer would love to surf. And I'm like, absolutely not. Moving on. Oh, right. We can teach her something else. I'm too scared. I could not like sit there on the beach without having some type of anxiety attack or panic attack, yeah, watching him teach her how to surf. Because he said, Oh yeah, when she's five, I'm like, no. She could be a little grammy. Yeah, no. I don't think I could do it.

SPEAKER_02 34:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:11

I would feel I don't want to be a helicopter mum, but I just it's a no. Flat no. Flat no. Sorry, Matt. Um, this one's a weird one, and again, I probably watch too many stores, like too many movies, sorry, which I don't watch horror movies anymore. I try to watch, depending on what mood I'm in, more binge-worthy reality. But I do love my crime documentaries, but I won't do horror. I did use to I did use to watch horror. Uh, but mirrors in the dark.

SPEAKER_02 34:45

Mirrors in the dark.

SPEAKER_00 34:46

Yeah. So there's a big long mirror in my bathroom, and I have to, I can't just go, even if someone's asleep in the bed near me, I have to turn all the lights on to go to the toilet because if I'm walking past that mirror, it scares me.

SPEAKER_02 35:01

So it it's in the dark, so it's in the dark. Do you mean knowing that it's there or you can kind of see it?

SPEAKER_00 35:07

Both. I think because there's a movie, and I can't remember what the movie was, but I'm almost certain that it was if you chanted, I think it was I don't know if it was Bloody Mary, because that's an alcohol drink, isn't it? It is, but I think it's like if you stand there in the mirror, this was the movie, and you're like Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, and then this like scary lady appears in the background.

SPEAKER_02 35:32

So this was like a like a horror movie.

SPEAKER_00 35:33

A horror movie, and it's just stuck in my head. So now I'm like, Don't look in the mirror, don't look in the mirror, because I'm scared that I'm gonna see something supernatural.

SPEAKER_02 35:40

Yeah. My daughter, Beth, is a horror movie fan. Oh, and she probably would know the movie that you're talking about. And the fascination with crime.

SPEAKER_00 35:52

I'm obsessed with crime documentaries. Yeah. She just listened, like she I think that that's quite common though. Yeah. Quite a few of my friends all watch two crime documentaries. Yeah. I like there's a there is a limit. I mean, I get a bit obsessed with watching them. I like to be aware. Yes. And just it's really taught me human behaviour. 100%. Okay. Can never trust someone, you know, just all those things. But it definitely does make me a bit on edge at times. Yeah, I'm not surprised.

SPEAKER_02 36:22

Um, belly buttons. I can't stand them. I actually can't stand them.

SPEAKER_00 36:28

Or phobia. Is it gonna eat you?

SPEAKER_02 36:30

No, it's probably a phobia, it's a phobia. Cannot stand looking at them, cannot stand touching my own belly button, or if someone else, god forbid, touches. Like, I feel like if I touch my belly button, my finger's going right into my test. It's a really weird feeling. I showed you my belly button last week. Yeah, I wish you hadn't. No. It was only a brief look he gave me, but I couldn't have, if he kept talking about and showing me, I would have politely engaged in the conversation but been looking away. Really? Don't know what it is. They just look, I don't like the look of them.

SPEAKER_00 37:00

Is it maybe from when you had newborns and they had the little clamp on it?

SPEAKER_02 37:03

Yeah, so even talking about that, like that was You're getting visibly uncomfortable. I know, it's weird. It I've always been like that. And funnily enough, Beth, my daughter, is exactly the same. Really? So, like I could never and she could never either. Not that she would be more likely to do this than me at my age, but could never get it pierced or anything along those lines.

SPEAKER_00 37:22

So I had mine pierced. I can still put it through.

unknown 37:27

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:29

All right, moving on. I'll I'll say one more.

SPEAKER_02 37:33

I've got a couple more that I'll do.

SPEAKER_00 37:35

Actually, I have two more. Accidentally sending a screenshot to the person that it's about.

SPEAKER_02 37:42

Oh, yeah. That's a fear for everyone, I reckon.

SPEAKER_00 37:46

I think so, surely. But the the rule is you just shouldn't be bitching.

SPEAKER_02 37:52

Yeah, but that's human behaviour, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 37:54

Well, not even bitching, just yeah, bitching.

SPEAKER_02 37:58

It hasn't happened to me. It's happened to a really good friend of mine. She sent was sending a text message to me about someone that we both knew. Anyway, she went to town in the email and she sent it to her instead of me. That was quite a few years ago now. So yeah, I what do you do in that moment? You just have to own it. You've just got to own it. What can you do?

SPEAKER_00 38:20

Like it has happened to me. Has it? Yeah, and I I won't give details because it was actually uh in the workplace. Yeah, it had to be um managed. But I I owned it straight away. I mean, you have no other option. No, you can't lie about it.

SPEAKER_02 38:37

No, you can't.

SPEAKER_00 38:38

Uh yeah. Anyway, she's still not friends with me. But I will say what I was saying was warranted. I just definitely could have worded in case you're listening. No, no, no. I just was way too harsh in how I was saying it.

SPEAKER_02 38:57

Yeah. Yeah. So you wouldn't take it back or you might.

SPEAKER_00 39:01

No, I take it back. I absolutely take it back. It hurt her feelings.

SPEAKER_02 39:04

Yeah, fair enough.

SPEAKER_00 39:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:06

Uh, quick one here. Leeches can't stand them. Again, I think that goes back to the blood thing because you know, when leeches fill with blood and you pull them off, so that's that one. This one, hail storms. So I'm not fearful of hail storms in the sense I'm fearful of damage to cars from hail storms. And this goes back to about five, five or six years ago, my car got absolutely pulverized.

SPEAKER_00 39:28

Is this because like your car has feelings or the inconvenience of getting the car fixed? Because I'm trying to understand why this comes into your head as a fear or phobia out of all the things in the world.

SPEAKER_02 39:40

I got a brand new car a number of years ago, and there was one of those violent, not just any old hail storm. I'm talking about a violent thunderstorm hailstorm that pulverized the car, like the back window is smashed in. I was trying to take blankets out to cover it up. It was a little bit sort of, I'm not going to say traumatic. It wasn't traumatic, but it was very upsetting. My son was very young at the time, he was screaming that whole episode. So ever since then, I've developed this kind of need. If I know a hail storm is coming, I'll quickly make sure my car is undercover. I'll ring my daughter and say, Where are you? There's a hail storm coming. You need to get your car undercover. She's like, Mary. And I even sent her one day when she was at home. There was a hail storm coming and my car was undercover. There's no room to put her car. I sent her into, I said to her, go to this multi-story car park in the next suburban park there. Because I don't know. I just get this panic, it's a real panic about cars and damage from hail storms. So she did it for me, God lover. She's ringing me from there going, there's no hail storm.

SPEAKER_00 40:42

I can understand it.

SPEAKER_02 40:43

Oh, can you? I thought you were gonna I thought you were gonna go to town on me.

SPEAKER_00 40:46

No, I can understand it, like the inconvenience, especially if you had a brand new car and some insurances don't cover hail damage. Yeah. But from a fear-based It's it is a it's a fear. I'm struggling to understand that.

SPEAKER_02 41:02

I get it. I I think it would be hard to understand. I think it was from that episode, and ever since then, it's only ever been since then. I just go into a mad like, we've got to get the cars undercover. Like I go completely stupid, and like my husband or my daughter, whatever, son, what mum, you know, calm down. I'm like, no, we've got to get we're you know, I get into one of those things, and I'm not normally like that at all. I'm pretty calm and level, but hail storms are on their way. Maybe there's something else going on for you. Okay, we might need another another session on that one, another episode.

SPEAKER_00 41:30

Uh, my last one accidentally liking an old post when stalking someone.

SPEAKER_02 41:38

Oh, yeah, that's another one that I reckon lots of people can identify with. That's happened to me. Has it?

SPEAKER_00 41:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:44

Who are you stalking? I wasn't stalking anyone. Well, maybe I was, but just in general, that happens a lot. I've got fat fingers.

SPEAKER_00 41:51

You can't blame your fingers, you just shouldn't have been on their page. Nor should you. I haven't done it in a long time.

SPEAKER_02 41:57

Yeah, but when so when you like something, that's that if they don't get notified. Although no, they get notified regardless.

SPEAKER_00 42:05

I think they do. I I mean it has it's been quite some time. I think the settings may have changed by now, but if they have notifications on and it pops up on their home screen, or just on in general, because even if they're on their phone and it would swipe kind of down, then you're like they'd get notified. But if they don't have notifications on and you unlike it before they've even gone onto the app, I don't think it will pop up. Right. But when it happened to me, look, it's happened to me quite a few times back in my day, where I have a full, like my ears ring, I'm sweating.

SPEAKER_02 42:45

You have a visceral reaction to it, like you're flushed in the face, like that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_00 42:50

Especially if it's someone that you should not be on their page, like that is awkward, yeah. But it did actually happen to me now that I'm thinking about it, maybe about a year ago. It's hard, like I said before, when you have exes that are still friends with it's a small town around here. And one of my friends had been speaking about an ex of mine, their their new wife, actually, not their new wife, their wife. And I had a little stalk on their page, and I accidentally, out of all pictures, liked their family picture.

SPEAKER_02 43:23

Oh damn.

SPEAKER_00 43:24

I know, and I was like, oh my god. And I thought, oh my, I'm just gonna have to follow her. Is that even more weird? Oh, so you have to follow her. No, I didn't. You know what? I thought I'm just gonna own it and I left my like there. I didn't even unlike it because I thought that's even more embarrassing if she sees that I've liked it and then I've unliked it.

SPEAKER_02 43:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:41

So I may as well just own that I've been stalking her and leave my like there, and I'm not going to add her because that's weird.

SPEAKER_02 43:47

So I think when I've done it, I go and do the unlike and I feel like that's safe then. But really, what you're saying is if they've already got the notification, yeah, they would have been talking about you. So you left it there.

SPEAKER_00 43:57

You left your imprint there. I owned it.

SPEAKER_02 44:00

Love it. Okay, last quick one. I'm gonna finish on. I have a fear, and this has only been a recent thing, but it's a very real thing. No, this is a phobia. Sorry, this is not a fear, this is a phobia. Holes. Seeing images, clusters of holes in like these kind of regular patterns, like images that show holes. And there's a thing.

SPEAKER_00 44:23

It's a thing. I had never heard of it before ever. And I went to dinner with a girlfriend of mine, Kim, on Monday night, and she, funny enough, was telling me about this phobe, her biggest phobia ever. Really? And she it has a name.

SPEAKER_02 44:37

Yeah, it's tripophobia. T R. If anyone's listening, Google Tripo, T-R-Y-P-O, and then Phobia, and look at all the images that come up. And a lot of them are doctored images, you know, around feet and hands and face. It's it's horrific. Like I find it. Oh, so it's holes on a human body. Well, no, it's holes that might be in um I was thinking about like an ant's nest. Yeah, something like that, or plants. There's uh uh some different plants or stuff, um different rock formations. But when you Google it, what what is now out there is that images have been doctored specifically to show what trypophobia is. Right. And I find it I I like I feel really uncomfortable. Okay, and I have to look, I can't look at them, and I feel really, really weird, and I can't stand it. So I didn't know it was a thing, but I started, you know, researching it because my son showed me an image and I was just like, oh, I can't look at that. And then I looked it up. Is there an aversion or a or a phobia around holes? And apparently it is, and it's really not I'm not gonna say it's common.

SPEAKER_00 45:48

I never ever ever heard of such thing until Kim said the other night. So it's so funny that you're now saying that that's on your list. There you go. So I may have to look it up.

SPEAKER_02 45:57

Yeah, do that. Maybe. Maybe.

SPEAKER_00 45:59

All right, well, we're coming to an end, but we still have one last thing. What's on your mind?

SPEAKER_02 46:06

For me or for you?

SPEAKER_00 46:07

I think you went last time.

SPEAKER_02 46:08

Oh, thank God. I was gonna say, yes, we do. Actually, we do. What's on your mind, Tara?

SPEAKER_00 46:14

I have one. I wrote it in my notes last night, me in my notes. I'm so organized. It it's a weird one. But do you believe in parallel universes? Tell me more about that. Well, it actually stems, I think about it all the time, but dreaming just how real some dreams can feel. And do you think you're going into a parallel universe? I've seen like videos on TikTok pop up about people who have been in a coma, for example, for say two weeks, and they claim that they were living another life with three children for seven years, and how vividly real that that dream was to the point where they then have to be in therapy for the loss and grief of not having those actual three children in this reality. I haven't, wow, okay. You've never heard of anything like that.

SPEAKER_02 47:12

Not really, no, but but I'm open to it because I'm really open to I'm not gonna say paranormal, that's the wrong term, but I'm I'm open to that kind of stuff. Do you know what I mean? Like hearing you talk about I haven't I've heard of of course I've heard of parallel universe or parallel living in that sense, but hearing what you're saying, examples.

SPEAKER_00 47:32

Well, I don't even know if that's just one like the right example to explain that, but even like sliding door moments.

SPEAKER_02 47:40

I'm a huge believer of it.

SPEAKER_00 47:42

How crazy is that? Sliding door moments or even I have seen you know when you think you've met someone before, but you haven't? Deja vu. No, that's a see that again, that's a total different thing. You know, when you're you've met you think that you've met someone, they look so familiar to you, and you can't pinpoint where you met them and they're adamant that you never have. Yes. And you keep thinking about it, you're like, no, I actually have never met them before. What's that about?

SPEAKER_02 48:09

And this ties into if you're thinking of a song, and then the next thing you'll hear it on the right, like it's a song that you haven't heard for ages, and then I'll turn the radio on or whatever, and suddenly the song comes on, or you'll think of someone.

SPEAKER_00 48:22

Yeah, that's another thing in itself. But all of that linked together. There has to be something to it.

SPEAKER_02 48:27

No, I'm completely open to all of that. I'm also open to, and this is something that's become more probably something that I'm more aligned with later in life. Like, you know, having someone be able to tell you about your life and your life journey. What do you call them? The people that you go and see? Psychic? Yeah, that sort of stuff.

SPEAKER_00 48:54

Psychic medium.

SPEAKER_02 48:55

Yeah, I'm I'm open to that.

SPEAKER_00 48:58

Yeah, I get readings very frequently. Do you? Yeah, I do. How frequently? Depends on the year, but at least yearly.

SPEAKER_02 49:10

Do you find them helpful?

SPEAKER_00 49:11

When you find the right person.

SPEAKER_02 49:12

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_00 49:13

I'm gatekeeping.

SPEAKER_02 49:14

Yeah, alright. That's good. No, I'm I'm I'm on board with that. I'm totally um find that all of that fascinating.

SPEAKER_00 49:21

Yeah. I think some people 100% have the gift.

SPEAKER_02 49:24

So do I.

SPEAKER_00 49:25

Other people maybe not so much.

SPEAKER_02 49:27

Although there's a pr uh I've heard people, even psychics, talk about everyone has access to it.

SPEAKER_00 49:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 49:34

Everyone has everyone has the ability, but it's just whether you connect with that or align with it or open yourself up to that.

SPEAKER_00 49:40

Well, I remember as a little kid, we're getting a bit off topic here. But I remember as a little kid, I actually used to see people that had passed.

SPEAKER_02 49:50

Oh, really? Yeah. Just as a child? Like, have you has that happened in adulthood? No, it hasn't happened in adulthood. Oh, that's really I find it fascinating. I really do.

SPEAKER_00 49:59

Yeah, one of them was my grandpa's sister, who I think had passed before I was even born. And maybe I'd only seen pictures of her. I can't quite remember, but I remember what I said, and my mum was like, oh my goodness. Like it was relevant. Yes. The the message that they had said, or just yeah, and then um someone else, their mum, had passed, and I would see her wearing, I think I can't remember what the costume was. She was wearing this specific costume, maybe like a mouse costume or a cat costume or something, and she had actually been. I don't know if I'm saying that because this is quite some time ago. She had been at a party, a dress-up party where she wore that costume a few weeks before her passing or a few years before her passing. There was no way I could have known that. I think I was like six or seven at the time.

SPEAKER_02 50:57

Wow. Yeah, that is there's something in that for sure.

SPEAKER_00 51:00

There definitely is something in that.

SPEAKER_02 51:01

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 51:02

And another the last one I remember is I was told this. Actually, no, I do have some slight memory of it, but my grandma's father, who I had never met, he had passed before I was born. I we were sitting at my grandma's house, and after, I don't know, a couple of hours, I said, Where did that man go? And they said, What man? I said, The man that was sitting over there, because we were all sitting around the table, and that there was no man ever there. And I said, That man, and I ended up finding and pointing him out in a picture, and it was my grandma's dad. So you really so you and you still remember that? I still remember him sitting there, yes.

SPEAKER_02 51:45

Oh well, yeah. Yeah, so there'll be people that would hear this or hear that and say that's that's rubbish.

SPEAKER_00 51:52

Yeah, but I've wit like I've self-experienced it, I've experienced it, so that's why I am such a big believer in the spiritual world and psychics and mediums, but I definitely think there are quite a few frauds out there.

SPEAKER_02 52:03

Oh, a million percent of people and get preyed upon. You don't know.

SPEAKER_00 52:08

I don't have the gift now. I'm not claiming to have the gift now. I just remember those moments in my childhood.

SPEAKER_02 52:14

Yeah, you might have the gift.

SPEAKER_00 52:16

Maybe that could be that could be a gift. Maybe I need to reaccess it. No, maybe I shouldn't.

SPEAKER_02 52:20

Maybe you shouldn't. All right, guys. Well, thank you for listening, everyone, and we'll see you next time on Lived. Bye. Bye.