LIVED - Blended Families & Step Parenting

In this episode of LIVED, Maryanne and Tara share their personal experiences as step mums navigating the challenges and rewards of blended family life. We discuss the realities of step parenting, the lessons we’ve learned, and our practical do’s and don’ts for building strong family relationships. Whether you’re part of a blended family or supporting one, this honest conversation is for you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Hello and welcome to our podcast Lived. I'm Mary Ann Sayers. And I'm Tara Stanway. Today we are talking about blended families and step-parenting. It's something that you and I have both experienced and continuing to experience.

SPEAKER_01 0:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

And I think it's really interesting when I think about when I was growing up. So we're going back, you know, into I was growing up in the 1970s and 80s. Divorce, separation, and blended families was just something that was just not common at all. I don't recall any friends of mine that were sort of going through it. And I think there was a real social stigma around divorce and separation. So it was never really talked about either. Whereas today it is so much more common. And you and I have both come into relationships where there is existing children. And it's an interesting dynamic because we are both experiencing it in quite different ways. How do you feel that your experience coming into a blended family has been and having that step parent role for want of a better term?

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Yeah, I feel like I can only speak on, like you said, my own experience because when I was thinking about it earlier this morning, there's really no, it's a very individual experience because there's so many contributing factors. It could be depending on how the parents are getting along. Let's say my situation, I'm the female. So whether or not the kid's mum has already moved on, I think that's a huge factor in the experience that I will then have because you're not the first intruder, as the kids would see it. And I think how the co-parenting relationship is. Yes. Uh, for the existing parents, and I think also the age that you come into the kids' lives, that also can play a big contributing factor. In my own experience, I have six stepchildren, so I am only five years older than Jackson, who is the eldest. Yep. But I think mentally within that relationship and all of the relationships, I do feel much older. And I have a very different relationship with all of the kids, to be honest. Um, but I think over the years, especially initially, I would I didn't have any kids of my own yet. So every day I would make my main focus around all of the kids. What do the kids need? What can I do that's going to make them feel special, all their birthdays, Christmases, everything? I'll go above and beyond family dinners. I would just always be trying to make 110%. And I guess there was an element of really wanting to be loved and accepted within the family for sure. I think now, let's just put summer aside from obviously taking up a huge focus of mine. I've kind of reached a point where I think I've accepted, I always, and I think every, I think this is all round for every step parent, no matter the type of relationship that you have. I always do feel, I don't know if the right word is disposable, but I always do feel that sense of no matter how much I tried with every single one of them, if I said no or didn't agree with something they wanted or said, or just anything that was on the opposition and they didn't like it, well, there you go. I don't get spoken to for X amount of time. Right. So I think when you're the blood mum or dad, or the acting mum or dad, you it's just almost like, oh, dad said no, I'll get over it in a day. Yeah. But when you're that outsider feeling almost, I don't think you're ever a hundred percent accepted until maybe adult years.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

I think that's really interesting that you talk about that because from my experience coming into the relationship with my husband, who had three children, and I had two children, and the five kids in age were fairly close together. And you mentioned the term outsider, and I feel like that is something that, yeah, I definitely remember feeling. I remember at the very start when I first met his children. So the youngest was um about eight, the eldest was about eleven, my daughter at that stage was around eight, and my son was three. So there's five very, very young children. And I really wanted to, I hadn't even really thought about the step-parenting or the blended family situation, but I just remember thinking, I just want to get this right. For sure. I really want to get this right. I want to be accepted. Being very young children, I got on with them from very early on, but I was just very conscious. They there was a, you know, they had their mother, they had a loving relationship with their mother. I was never ever wanting to replace that or become, I didn't even really see myself as a stepmother. When I would introduce myself, I would say that, you know, I'm my husband's partner. I would never introduce myself and I was never really seen as stepmother. But I think feeling internally like always trying to do things right and being really sort of conscious of that, I think it's something that is pretty common with, you know, our situation of trying to just do the right thing. How old were the children when you came into the relationship? Like what was the age range?

SPEAKER_01 5:56

So I met the kids when I was actually working for Matt. So I met them as his PA, and their ages were I think Jackson was it, he just turned 18, and Paris would have been 16, Phoenix was 14, Logan was 13, and then if I'm getting it correct, when I I only met Bay and Flora once when I was working for Matt, and I think Bay was four and Flora was six. So they were very, very young. Then I think I've got that right. And then when I met them as dad's partner, uh I think Bay was I'm going to say seven and Flora was nine. It was quite some time after. And I kind of always just kept in contact with the older kids, regardless of whether I was speaking to Matt or not. So that was kind of that they were the ages that I always met them and maintained a relationship with them. So I would say my situation was a little bit more different with the younger two. Their mum was very hands-on and a lot more, I guess, shielding of Flora and Bay with meeting me or just the whole situation of another woman coming into their life, which I very much respected. Not once have I ever wanted to be their mum, replace their mum, act as their mum. Uh, it's only probably in recent times where I am finding it a bit hard with the dynamic, especially Flora. She's almost 15 in a couple of weeks. Challenging years. It is of finding my way with her because I wouldn't say we've got that friend element. We've kind of got that almost like, I don't know, like big sister, definitely dad's wife element, but there was never that me trying to be her mum. And I don't want that, but I also do want her to respect me. And she has looked at me for advice and whatnot in the past. Whereas at the moment it's a bit, I'm doing my thing, like stay out of my way. Yeah. Um, but with the older kids, that was a different situation. When I first came into their life, their mum had just moved to Sydney and left the kids living here on the coast. So they didn't really have a mum present figure every single day in their life. So I kind of did try to not be their mum, but be that maternal figure for them. To guide them. To guide them. And they would, like I would help Logan with his homework, and you know, it was it was part of my role as a job, but those emotions and feelings were definitely there on that personal side, and that kind of never went away. And they did. They would come to me, all of them would come to me in a place of need or if they needed someone. And I liked them knowing that I'm always in their corner. Yes. And that's how it still is now. I think they all know that I do have a good heart and that I do care for them deeply, and I am always in their corner no matter what. And if they called me, I would answer the phone and I would be there. And I want them to know that, and I think they do, but it definitely has changed in recent years, and like I was saying before, put summer aside. I kind of got to a point where not only was I consumed all day, every day by thinking about them and trying to do something special or just making them feel loved every single day, it got to a point where I wasn't actually living my own life and putting effort into my own life. Because you were so focused? I think so, yes. I think I came into a point in their lives where it was very messy for them. And, you know, in some ways, I would say there was a lot of trauma involved, and I just in my personality, I wanted to save them and fix things and make them all feel included and together. It was very separate, like there wasn't family dinners happening with the younger kids, and the the relationship was very separate, it wasn't like a wholesome, included family environment. And so I just that was a huge focus of mine. And I think I achieved that for some amount of time with the we were having weekly, if not fortnightly, dinners, and there would be like I think including of partners, there'd be like 14 or 15 of us every single dinner or birthday event. That was only happening for a few years until once again, you know, the kids get older, they turn into teenagers, they don't want to do family dinners anymore, and one by one it slowly slips away. But that was kind of my experience in a nutshell to date.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

Yeah, so I feel for myself, if I'm listening to your story, the thing that I was very conscious of with my kids because their father had passed away. So coming into a relationship, you know, meeting my husband, he had three children, as I said. So the five children were very young. And I was very aware that my husband was taking on the role of stepfather. And it's something that I reflect back on now. And I think that I think taking on that role is a huge role for anyone to take on. And you're in that same situation as you just told me. 100%. It's something that I probably hadn't given, you know, enough, or when I say enough thought to, I just hadn't sort of thought about the enormity of that role. My children were very young, so they saw him very early on as a as a father figure, which which was really beautiful. And I think there's a lot to be said for someone that takes on that role, you know, outside of their own uh children. And I feel now, you know, I I think about the ages of the children now. The eldest is now 26, the youngest is my son, who's 17, nearly 18. And I think our version of the blended family, there was five of us, so seven of us under the one roof. It was very much, if I look back, I would say it was an overall positive experience. Their mother is still, you know, she's still in their lives uh in a big way. And I found, I think for myself, what I found the most challenging for myself was trying to manage my own dynamic between my role as not their stepmother, but their father's partner, and also knowing their mother was very much on the scene and very much established with them. And I really didn't want to sort of overstep that mark. And I was just so conscious of that the whole time. The children, my husband's children would move between the two households, and I think that's the other thing. Did you have a situation where they were going back and forward between households?

SPEAKER_01 13:15

No, so Flora and Bay, the younger two, they would only stay very sporadically, and that was something that Matt and their mum had agreed on in when they separated. Um, they only wanted the one stable home for them that they're used to. But Matt could have them whenever he liked, any afternoon, any night for dinner, anything like that. But in terms of sleeping over and that consistent, you know, some families do every second fortnight at dad's hats or whatnot, that that wasn't something that they did. Uh, for the older kids, Matt had full custody of Phoenix and Logan from the time that I met them. So then by the time I became dad's partner and moved in, they were with us a hundred percent of the time. And uh Jackson had remained living, it was kind of like a cabin, I would call it, um, at his grandparents' house. And Paris was also living at the grandparents' house for that whole time. So we didn't see Jackson and Paris anywhere near as frequently, obviously, as Logan and Phoenix, because they were with us a hundred percent of the time. Um, but no, there was no coming and going. It was it was that was as soon as I moved in, that was every single day of my life.

SPEAKER_00 14:42

Oh, okay, okay. So I think in our situation that three of the children were coming in between the two households. And again, it's only now that I think back on that, because at the moment, at the time it was just one week on, one week off. So we would go from a family of seven and then down into a family of four, then back to a family of seven pretty much every week four years. And it just became the norm. But I think back on that now, and I feel like, and this would be the case for any children going through this, it it it must be incredibly difficult in a lot of ways to go between two households, where effectively there's not two sets of rules. I think the parenting styles between their mother and their father were very much the same, but just unsettling to go between two homes. And I think it really highlights to me the importance of having just that stability in each of the homes so that the children going between the two homes just have that stability, and I feel like it would just be, yeah, really like I I imagine my I think about my my childhood and my upbringing, and it was just so stable, you know, it was just so stable. I couldn't really imagine doing that, but it's just such a common occurrence these days where children are going between families.

SPEAKER_01 15:59

I saw my dad every second fortnight up until I was 10.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:04

So I guess I would have found it a bit more challenging when it became teenage years because you want to be around your friends and hanging out with them and going to the beach and whatnot. So you're not really wanting to do family things. In my situation, I grew up around like the year minor Edelong area, and my dad had moved from that area to Wyoming. So it was about a 30-35-minute drive. So I didn't run into that experience. That's just what I assume would make it a bit more unsettling in that way. It definitely was looking back, you know, you have to pack your bag every single, you know, second Friday or whatever the situation is. I didn't mind it, I guess, again, because I was so young. Yeah. Um, but I can definitely see why Matt and the younger two kids mum chose to have that situation going because that is probably more stable. But I don't think that's the norm in this current day and age. What is it? One in well, 50% of marriages end in divorce, and then whether or not one of those parents or both of those parents move on and it does become a blended family on both sides, who you know what the situation is with the kids, whether it's week on, week off, or half week on, half week off, or however they work it out, it kind of it is unsettling for the kids looking at it, but I guess it's the only way. That's unfortunately what what happens.

SPEAKER_00 17:43

Yeah. I think when I think about things like, you know, bed times and screen time and just those sorts of things, I think back to it was such a big focus for us with the kids coming into our into you know into our home and knowing that there was going to be different kind of rules or different between the households. So, but I guess they adjusted. And I think that's the other thing you often hear that children are resilient. But then I think that can be overstated as well because I still think children will have and you would know, I mean, you you came from that environment. I think it is fair to say that children can be resilient, but I think if there's not stability around them.

SPEAKER_01 18:23

Yes, I would say stability and just open communication. I think that goes a long way. And obviously dependent on the age of the child with how much detail you go into or the type of language that you use. But I think they they're not silly, they know what's going on, or I think they kids can feel everything. They can feel if you know mummies hating on daddy and it it just creates this uneasy. That's probably the biggest thing that creates an uneasy feeling in my experience. Uh, I think you were saying before with like the different rules, some I think you said in your situation you were on the same page with rules, which helps with the consistency and stability. In my situation, that's not the case. Um, there's just, you know, things that we would allow happens, and um, like you were saying about phone time and screen time and bed time and all of those things, then it kind of creates this element or dynamic where the child or children know that they can almost play off the parents against one another, and it just I think a united front is the only way to have a successful and healthy co-parenting or blended family situation.

SPEAKER_00 19:46

Yeah, yeah. It's interesting for you now, with your as you said, your what's the age difference you said between yourself and Jackson? Is it five years? Five years. So that in itself is interesting to come into basically uh the children are now in adulthood. Is that something that for you as time went on, was that something that you ever kind of thought about that age? And do you feel like people were commenting on that? Was it something that was, you know, uh that was on your mind at that time? And and did you feel like there was because I guess the other thing is you've come into, you came into a fairly, you know, Matt has a fairly high profile. So a lot of people, a lot of commentary around that. Was that something that people would ever talk about?

SPEAKER_01 20:29

Uh I don't really nothing to my face about the age difference between me and Matt's kids. It wasn't really something even on social media that I saw. It was more just specifically mine and Matt's relationship, the age difference there. But even people now will be like asking on his post how old am I? Matt will say she's 31. And they'll be like, Oh, you're in canine years. I remember someone wrote that as a comment. Or and I'm like, Well, thank you. That I look so young, but no, I am, I'm 31. But you know what, there is a significant age gap, and we own that every single time. We're well aware of that. We went through that whole process of family and friends becoming comfortable with it, and it took me years to be comfortable with it, just myself. So I completely understood where those were coming from, the those comments. But in terms of um being a stepmum, I think I always saw myself probably more with the younger kids, I was like, oh, I don't know. Should Matt just always referred to me, this is your stepmom. I was kind of like, that's kind of a title that needs to be earned. Right. With the older kids, I just felt that automatically again because of the different circumstances. But no, I don't, I don't recall anyone mentioning or making comments whether you know, nasty. If anything, I got more positive comments. Yeah. About we we see such a difference in the kids, or you know, we love. What you're doing. Yeah, it was it was definitely more on the positive side in terms of step-parenting.

SPEAKER_00 22:06

Yes. Well, I take my hat off to you as a step-parent. I know I honestly do because it's a role that whilst I can be seen as a stepmother, really, I my role is my my husband's partner, and I've never needed to sort of take on that role, I guess, of a step-parent. Whereas for my husband, very different situation. Children without their father. And I can honestly say now, as I said before, that it's been an overwhelmingly sort of positive experience. There's definitely been some challenges along the way, don't get me wrong. I remember actually when I first started dating my husband, my mother actually said to me, she said, Oh, step families, blended families are really challenging. And I was like, Oh no, it's fine. Like this is this is back in the day. But then, of course, we navigated together pretty much five children growing up, going through teenage years. And it was definitely challenging. My daughter and my husband's daughter, there's only one year of age, age difference between them. They are very, very close. They were very, very close growing up. But of course, I remember the teenage years when the two of them would uh fight or you know, one of them. Fighting heads constantly, but still super, super close. As stepsisters, super, super close, and they still are today. And we often, and the great thing now that they've come into adulthood, we can sort of talk about it now and reflect back on it. And we we reflect back on it with really sort of real fondness and just some really happy memories. We used to do we used to go camping a lot. That was kind of um what we did back in the day. We would go camping a lot and just spend a lot of time together. We had a boat, we would go out um uh on the boat on the water and um do weightboarding and all that sort of thing. So we've got a lot of happy memories. Excuse me.

SPEAKER_01 23:59

Lots of family bonding there.

SPEAKER_00 24:01

Lots of family bonding, absolutely, and I know that that's a big thing for you that you talk about all the time.

SPEAKER_01 24:05

I try. It's you know what? I probably have let go a lot in the recent years. I think what I was saying before is I kind of got to a point where I wasn't really living my life, and so I do try to prioritize myself a bit more. I mean, obviously, I still do birthdays and everything like that, but you know, Matt's daughter is you know, she's a full adult now. I think she's I hope I don't get this wrong. I think she's 25. 25 this year. No, I think she just turned 25. She did. She just turned 25, and she's got two kids of her own. And Phoenix, he's living abroad. He's over in England, um, in Leeds, actually, on a football contract. And then Jackson, you know, I see him the most because he can't get away from him. He lives across the road and he works for Matt full-time. And obviously, as most most people know, we we lost Logan a couple of years ago now. Um, but look, that's not to say it's definitely been challenging 100%. Do I recommend it to people? No. Did I come into the situation naive? To some extent, I don't think I did. I think I came in at a very messy time that I was like, it can't get much more messy than this. But have I made mistakes? Yes. Do I have regrets? Yes. Do I wish I handled things differently? Yes. 100%. All those things. I mean, Phoenix and I used to have a very, very close relationship, but you know, there was a situation with his girlfriend, and I went into business with her and it didn't end well. And she doesn't, I guess she's at an age where she's holding on to that, and there's no moving forward from that at this present time. And I think if yeah, I think it's everything's resolvable, but it's caused a huge, huge strain between Phoenix and I. I think, and and Phoenix, Phoenix and Matt, to be honest. Um, but you know, he's I I reach out when I can, and whether he replies or not, that's up to him. But he's doing amazingly. I'm very proud of him, especially from you know, when I met him. He was always such a focused academic boy teenager, and just to see where he's gotten to now, I'm like, wow, like good on him. And you know, Jackson and I we kind of we fight here and there, but it's like playful fighting. Yes, yeah, as you've probably witnessed yourself, Marianne. And then Paris and I, it's yeah, we we will catch up here and there with the kids. That's been a while ago now, but then she'll do her thing, I do my thing. We obviously see each other at family events, but I I don't I don't connect the same way that I used to because I I think, like I said, I got to the point where I wasn't living my own life, and I think being a step parent and a stepmum in my situation, there's a huge it could just be my situation, like I said before, every situation is individual, but I think there's a huge amount of uh expectance on me with how I should be showing up and what I should be doing for them. And what I get nothing in return. Yes. Do you know what I mean? Like I they don't it gets to a point where I'm like, well, they don't care too much about how I am or what I'm doing. It's a two-way relationship, I think, especially when they're into their mid to late 20s, it just becomes that way where it's you know, it's two ways.

SPEAKER_00 27:45

Yeah, and I think what you've sort of indicated there is you've had to prioritize yourself and start to step back a bit from probably what was in place previously of really trying and keeping things going and keeping things together in that sense, and now just kind of exhaling a bit and letting go.

SPEAKER_01 28:01

I think so for sure. And you know, I don't love them any less or anything like that. My care factor is still a hundred percent there, but I'm not their mum. And I think I think there's only so much effort that I can do and put into where without wearing me down. Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:23

So to finish off, what do you think actually makes blended families work? Some of the key things. One of the things I'm thinking about is patience. Families are built You would have a lot more patience than me, Mary. Over years. Look, I think I am a patient person. I think I always you come across as a patient person. Oh, that's good. Well, I think no, I honestly I think I always have been. And I think, as I was saying, families are they're built over years, not months. And I think that patience, as hard as it is, that is something that I would say would need to be high on the agenda. I think realistic expectations as well. And I I guess this is where so many of us, you know, fall down, or not fall down, but we just kind of we want things to be so, so good and we want things to be so together. But I think that uh uh if you can just manage those expectations and understand that there's change happening for everyone in this situation, the children, the the the existing parents, the new parents, if that makes sense. Uh unified parenting, and I guess this this is something that I was alluding to before. I think that is really, really important to try and depending on the relationship, of course, between uh the existing parents. I think having some kind of a unified front uh around how you manage um the different households. Not that you're not that I'm necessarily saying that it has to be exactly the same, but I just think it warrants probably conversation and and direction around that. Respect for existing relationships, children shouldn't feel forced to choose sides, and I think that is Oh a huge one.

SPEAKER_01 30:08

I hate the sides. That's definitely something that I've experienced, and it's so hard to overcome.

SPEAKER_00 30:13

Yeah. But I think it when I speak to friends of mine now who have going through this situation, I feel like that is something that whether it's intentional or not, with a lot of adults, the the parents, it it does become a trap that they fall into. It's intentional.

SPEAKER_01 30:32

I think I think it's always intentional. I think you know what you're doing, whether it's it comes across as innocent or not. It's you're the parent, and regardless of how you're feeling about the other partner or your ex, you need to protect your kids like inner piece and what they're feeling and what they're thinking. Because, like I said, they feel everything and they know everything. A hundred percent. And even if you make that slight little comment here and there, they remember that.

SPEAKER_00 31:03

I know, and that's I think that is the intentional part of the process because often with divorce, separation, there's a lot of you know, there's a lot of resentment that can be there. And I feel like playing the children off around that is not as a as I said, I think everyone genuine genu generally comes from a good place, but they can fall into those kind of habits and situations where they're saying something against the other parent. And I think that's just really, really unhealthy to do.

SPEAKER_01 31:36

So unhealthy. It just becomes about emotional maturity for that parent.

SPEAKER_00 31:40

Yeah, for sure. So to finish off, I've got a question. I think it'll be a really interesting one to ask you because of your I'm gonna say, why am I getting interviewed here? No, no, no, because I feel like your situation, you grew up essentially in a family that had separated, and you've now come into that role of a you know, a family that has separated, and you've now sort of stepped into that uh role of being a stepmum. Would you rather grow up in a high conflict traditional family or a well-functioning blended family?

SPEAKER_01 32:17

100% a well-functioning blended family. I think all a child ever wants is what we've said this entire episode is stability and love. They want love. So I think if you're in a high conflict environment every day of your, you know, upbringing, childhood, it creates so much toxicity. Well, that's what is happening, it's all toxic, but it's creating so much unease in the children, and it it changes the way they view things, it changes how they show up in the world, it's stopping them from flourishing and just being a happy little kid, like they should be doing. And they just would be so in their head, depending on what the situation is. But thinking about what happened last night between mommy and daddy, and you know, what does that mean for me, and always feeling unsafe, it it doesn't do good in in any child. So for sure, that's why I think, like you were saying before, it wasn't the norm growing up, but we we think about the stories that people have come out with now about everything that was happening behind closed doors. If you have two parents and you've had kids, that's the biggest commitment you can ever make. And I think everything is resolvable if the two parties are willing to put in the work to do that. But if they're not, I'm all for divorce. I'm all for separation because if you get to a point where it is so toxic for your kids and you can't come back from that, I just what's I I just don't believe in staying for the facade.

SPEAKER_00 34:08

Yeah, absolutely. It's much better for children to have come from a broken home than to be living. For sure.

SPEAKER_01 34:16

But how about let's just not let it get to that point? I know. No, exactly right. Open communication, and it's you know, it's a lot of a lot of um husbands and wives forget to be husband and wives when they become parents because they just become mum and dad, which you know, it is extremely challenging. I've obviously experienced that. You get to the roommate phase and whatnot, but you have to put in that effort. You've got to talk, you've got to constantly communicate your expectations or things that have bothered you, and uh so that resentment doesn't grow. Yeah, for sure. Which I'm working on.

SPEAKER_00 34:50

You are working on. You're doing a fabulous job. Like I honestly mean that. You know, it's it's challenging anyone who's listening to this who's in a blended family situation or has taken on the role of a step parent, anything like that. It is challenging, you know. And I think I honestly think, apart from being a mum, it's like the hardest job in the world. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:10

Being a step parent.

SPEAKER_00 35:11

Yeah. Okay, well, that probably brings an end to our discussion on blended families and step-parenting. Very interesting. So we're gonna finish up now with our we haven't done it for a while, actually. We didn't do it last episode.

SPEAKER_01 35:27

It wasn't really the right topic.

SPEAKER_00 35:29

No, it wasn't. Uh, what's on our mind? So I'm gonna go to you, Tara, because I think it's your turn. It is my turn. I'm gonna make it your turn anyway. All right.

SPEAKER_01 35:38

Off you go. What's on your mind? It's just a really random basic one that I was just thinking of actually a few days ago. I'm very irritable at the moment. And every I just it actually annoys me anytime. But walking through the shops, especially this time of year, just the amount of people that have colds, but when they cough and don't cover their mouth, like this man walked past me, and right as he was walking straight past me, he's turned his head towards me and coughed and didn't cover his mouth. That is disgusting, actually. It is just disgusting. Like, aren't you taught to cover your mouth or maybe do it when you're not 30 centimetres away from someone?

SPEAKER_00 36:24

This goes back to that whole hygiene thing. Oh it's funny. I it's funny you brought this up because I saw someone in the supermarket recently. It's in my mind, it just came back into my mind as you said that that I was in the supermarket in the fruit and veg section. Oh no. No, well, they they coughed and then they've reached in and they were looking at all the avocados and putting them back down. And I it actually, it actually made me feel physically ill. Yeah. It was it was an older person who had coughed and spluttered and they had a handkerchief and everything, and then they've just gone in and started picking up the avocados, looking at them and putting them back down. So it is gross.

SPEAKER_01 37:03

It's so gross. It just even people that have the flu or a cold in general, stay home. Like we have the resources now. If you need groceries, you can do delivery. People don't stay home though. No. Well, not when you're like at the height of being sick. Even places where I take summer to play, there's kids running around that I'm 100% certain they've got Krip Cough. Oh, 100%, yeah. I'm like, take your kid home. And look, they don't even have a jumper on, let alone socks.

SPEAKER_00 37:33

Yeah. I remember that when my kids were, I know summer's not in daycare, when my kids were in daycare, and you would take your child to daycare and you would see half of the other group of kids that were there that clearly were unwell, they were coughing, it's spluttering, but they were there.

SPEAKER_01 37:52

And it's so it's so hard. Like I know years and years ago there wasn't the option to work from home. And when, you know, it might be a single mum or even, you know, a a married couple that are living week to week financially. And it's so hard when your kid's sick, obviously, that you can't stay home because then that's a day's worth of work that you you don't earn. I get it, but uh but just we'll talk about adults on this topic, like walking through the shopping centre and they're just coughing in my face. Yeah, that's disgusting. Like oh, it it riles me up. I I have to hold back from saying something and then I'm like really annoyed for the next 10 minutes. Have you ever said anything? No, but I definitely can't hide my facial.

SPEAKER_00 38:37

You let them know that you are disgusted by what they're doing.

SPEAKER_01 38:40

By that point, they've probably already walked past me, but the people walking towards me behind them can see. So they're all disgusted in my face because I can't hide that.

SPEAKER_00 38:49

No, I'm I'm with you on that. I I completely agree with that. It is vile and people just need it because, like I said, it goes back to the personal hygiene and just being mindful and being aware.

SPEAKER_01 39:00

Yeah, so just consider it. It is. We don't want to get sick. If we're healthy and we're out and we're enjoying our day in the fresh air, don't come out and cough in our face.

SPEAKER_00 39:08

Don't do that. Take that message from Tara. All right. Well, thanks for tuning in, and we've got a couple of great guests coming up. We do look forward to it. So we'll see you next time on Lived. Bye for now. Bye.