Episode 6 - Christian Girl’s Guide to Divorce, Part 2

Short Disclaimer

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, you are not alone. Help is available. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) for confidential support and safety planning.

🎧 Episode Show Notes

We Might Get in Trouble for This – Part 2: The Christian Girl’s Guide to Divorce

In this deeply personal follow-up episode, Kerri and Suzi continue their conversation on divorce through the lens of faith. With honesty, humor, and vulnerability, they share stories of conflict, codependency, healing, and the moments they felt God clearly guiding them through painful decisions.

From lighthearted opening banter to powerful testimonies of provision, community, and courage, this episode is for anyone navigating marriage struggles, separation, or divorce—and wondering where God is in the middle of it.

💬 Topics Covered:

• Apologizing (too much vs. not at all)
• Conflict in parenting and marriage
• Codependency and self-abandonment
• Hearing God in crisis moments
• Divorce, faith, and theology
• The role of community and safety
• Separation vs. reconciliation
• Letting go and trusting God with your spouse
• Practical resources for women in difficult marriages

🙏 The episode closes with a prayer that Kerri makes Suze pray for listeners walking through hardship.

⏱️ Condensed Timestamps

0:00 – Intro + Hair & glasses banter
Kerri jokes about her “Wednesday hair” vs. weekend glam.

0:45 – New segment: “Suzy Apologizes”
Suzy introduces a humorous but revealing idea about chronic apologizing.

1:20 – Kerri vs. apologizing + parenting conflict
Kerri shares an ongoing standoff with her teenager.

2:00 – The art of apologizing (and over-apologizing)
Suzy reflects on personal tendencies and emotional upbringing.

3:30 – Childhood, poverty, and emotional imprinting
Discussion of environment, empathy, and money fears.

3:50 – Transition: Divorce conversation (Part 2)
Lead-in to deeper discussion on marriage and divorce.

4:10 – Apologizing in marriage + codependency
Suzy shares patterns from her relationship.

4:45 – Over-functioning in unhealthy dynamics
Example: caretaking a partner after harmful behavior.

5:00 – Kerri’s reconciliation story
A powerful moment of choosing grace despite hurt.

7:00 – Suzy’s “miracle story” begins
Packing to leave her marriage, fear, and prayer.

8:00 – Marshall’s detour + emotional avoidance humor
Light moment amid heavy transition.

9:00 – Fear, survival mode, and prayer cycles
Repeated moments of overwhelm and seeking God.

10:30 – “God, I need to know you love me”
Turning point prayer.

11:00 – Miraculous affirmations (love, community, confidence)
Friends unexpectedly show up with exactly what she prayed for.

13:00 – Divorce grief + “divorce brain”
Processing loss and identity shift.

14:00 – Letting go of decision-making
God confirms direction through spouse’s response.

15:00 – Kerri: Recognizing when God says “enough”
Encouragement for listeners seeking clarity.

16:40 – Second miracle story: releasing her ex
A dream/vision symbolizing God’s care for him.

18:30 – Addiction, survival, and hitting limits
Suzy shares struggles with bulimia and emotional survival.

20:00 – Realization: marriage was the pain, divorce was relief
Kerri reframes divorce as freedom.

21:45 – Separation as a healthy step
Discussion on when space is necessary.

22:30 – Biblical perspective on divorce

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

And welcome back to another episode of We Might Get in Trouble for This. And Susie, I want to make something clear. We do these episodes on Wednesdays, and I don't wash my hair on Wednesdays. I just will never do it. I'm really a weekend hair person. So your hair always looks glamorous. And I always look like I'm in sort of a turban and I'm over-accentuating with cool glasses. But my hair only looks good when I'm working, which is on the weekends. So if people wonder if I have hair, I do. You're just going to have to wait till a Saturday to see it. So that's why my hair is always back.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

I'm obsessed with your glasses. Can you show them again?

SPEAKER_00 0:45

My mother had these in the 70s and 80s, and I am I wasn't. You have a new segment to ask our listeners if they want to be a part of. I'm going to leave my glasses on for this segment because I think I look cool.

SPEAKER_01 0:59

Um, so I would like to begin a segment called Suzy Apologizes for Everything She Says. That's what I would like to call it. Um I am perpetually apologetic. So I'm wondering if anyone would would like to um listen to me do that every week because I feel like I need to make amends. It's like AA.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

And here's the thing. I am currently in a huge fight with my teenager, and um we've never had a fight that's lasted more than 10, you know, whatever. But this one's gone on for 36 hours, and I will not apologize. I have already apologized. I've already sent a card and I've already tried to make amends. And that girl is, you know what? And I it's kind of like I'm older than you, I fought more wars than you. You will not win this one. I control the money. And you're probably shopping today. So let's see how that rolls. Uh so you guys apologize all you want. I will never apologize.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

I'm a big apologizer. Like, I really enjoy it. I think it's great. I think everyone should learn to apologize well. You know, like it takes the pressure off. Um, it's just being human. I would can I give my three from the episodes. Okay, so number one, I apologize to her viewers on that one episode where my hair was really curly and I kept touching it.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

That was yeah, it was really offensive. Okay. It was.

SPEAKER_01 2:22

I'm so sorry. Number number two, um, I feel like I told a little bit too much of my mom's story and it's her story, so I don't want to really take it over. Number three, all of that three, yeah, that's how you do it. Um, number three, um, I feel like I should have referenced that my biological father. You know, there was some mental illness there, you know. So I just you know, he's he's past, so don't speak ill of the dead. Um, but you can still tell the truth. Um, and then there was another one in there. Oh, yes, yes, yes. So um, so I wanted to emphasize that what I took in about money and fear around money and worry and concern around money, my mom didn't mean for me to take that in. She was a public school teacher with a child. It was hard. But I would say that I took in all that stress that I didn't necessarily need to take. But if I will say being an empath and being very like aware of visuals or how visuals affect me, if someone asked me what my hometown was like, I would say the heartbeat of my hometown was poverty. That's what I would say. Partially because I just remember it being ugly and having a lot of one-story buildings, and we lived behind a dentist's office. Like it was.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

Did you have a lot of um check caching places and tattoo parlors?

SPEAKER_01 3:36

Oh gosh. Um, no, but a lot of good restaurants, I will say.

SPEAKER_00 3:42

Well, um, I'm sorry. On behalf of all of our listeners, I'm sure I'll think of more.

SPEAKER_01 3:49

So I I really think this is freeing for me.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

And that's what I do when I feel better. But wait, okay, so this is a great segue into our part two of The Christian Girls Guide to Divorce, and we're gonna kind of wrap up our part one. Um as we we will. Now, question did you perpetually apologize in your marriage, even when you didn't have to?

SPEAKER_01 4:13

Probably. I blocked a lot out, um, but I'm sure I did. I think I just in general felt bad. I just felt bad about being alive, if I'm really honest with you. But um, I just in general felt bad. So I think I was, yes, I would do things that were silly. For example, and and and bless him, I have so much compassion for him, and I thank him deeply for loving me when I was a disaster. But I will say I would do the type of thing where if he had a bad night with the drinks or partied with his friends or whatever, and he had a hangover the next morning, no matter what happened the night before, I would feel so bad that he had a hangover, and I would go to like Carl's Jr. and get him food. I feel like that's not healthy self-care. Well, and not like good for him either.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

And you're gonna share a miracle story about your divorce. And I want this episode to kind of be not, you know, this is just our stories. Like that's this podcast can only be about us. But I hope that people are listening and saying, like, every marriage is different. Because I hear your story, and I'm like, mine wasn't even close to that. But there were times I do want to, I'll tell a short story, and then I want you to tell yours. Um, there were times in the separated, and I remember this very clearly, and I always wanted it to work, I was rooting for it, and he had done some actions that were unwarranted of love and affection, let's just say. And uh it was his birthday, and God, and I was praying, I was praying, and it was one of these like spiritual warfare moments where I went to the store with my one kid, I think it was one kid at the time, and I got all these signs, and I wrote all these proclamations about how great he was, and I made him balloons and and a huge celebration, just the three of us for his birthday, and I invited him over to the house, and it literally like broke something in him and in us, and was one of those moments of reconciliation where he didn't deserve that, and he knows that he didn't deserve that, but in that time of being like listening to the Lord, and the Lord is like, you're gonna suck it up and you're gonna do something that you don't want to do, and it's totally in your, you know, in your flesh to just be mean and angry. Uh, this doesn't make any sense to anybody, but to me, God, I need you to do this. So those were not exactly an apology, but more like just times of going, look, I know it's not always 50-50, and this particular situation was his fault, but the Lord was like, you're gonna be the one to break the break the tension there. But uh, you know, just to let our listeners re-recap, last week we talked about both of us going through divorces, totally different, totally, totally different. But you had a really cool story that you've shared with me, and I want you to share with our listeners about being a Christian and going through divorce.

SPEAKER_01 7:01

Totally. Um, also, sorry, my burner doodle made a slight appearance. His nose did. Bye. Um, so yes, so I think I last week I talked about how um kind of like how that split happened that was time to go. So I had been sleeping on the couch, right? Because he he was at that time working a job that was very demanding on his body. So I have no problem sleeping on the couch. And he was going away one weekend, and he told me before, like in a kind way, like it would be good like if you were not here when I got back. And so I which was probably right, right? But I did not, I did not know where it was gonna go. And so I called a friend and she was like, absolutely, my sister is gonna move out of this place so you can live here in two weeks. It's like two weeks, okay, okay. So I couched her for for those two weeks. But um, so that was a Friday. So that Saturday, I was like, okay, um, I have to pack like my whole life. And I was like, you know what? I should do go to Marshall's and look for a belt. That's what I should do. So um I was at Marshall's and Marshalls you know let me interject.

SPEAKER_00 8:16

Marshall's and TJ Maxx Home Goods can solve so many marital issues with one pillow or a belt. Like, I if you go to a Marshall's on a Friday night or a Home Goods, you just see middle-aged women just wandering the aisles craving emotional intimacy, and you could fix it with a belt. Okay, keep going.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

Or a coat. Um, so I I'm I'm like realizing like time is of the essence, and I need to get back to pack eight and a half years of my life.

SPEAKER_00 8:47

Um, wait a minute, I have a question. Why did you have to leave the apartment? Was it his apartment?

SPEAKER_01 8:53

Well, he I was no, it wasn't actually. Girl? Um, but like it was an apartment we got together, but he had previously moved in my apartment. I think he had a more stable job, and I was like freelancing writing at the time.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

But he had the right to say you're leaving.

SPEAKER_01 9:12

Yeah, I mean, it didn't it didn't bother me. Like that for some reason didn't bother me. Um okay, I'm not loving this movie right now, but okay. No. Um, I was not great at self-care or self-love. Um, but so then I'm driving away from from Marshall's and I and my friend calls me, and and she's like, and I'm telling her, and she's like, and I start to get emotional. She's like, you do not have time to cry. You can cry later. You need to go pack your stuff. And so I go to the my back to my apartment, and I have this little dog there, cubby. Bless her heart, she's gone. She's this tiny little puppy, old dog. She was like a 10, but you know, little. And so I'm I'm packing on my stuff, and I'm feeling so bad because I'm watching my dog, like, no, I'm throwing all my clothes and trash bags. I didn't have a suitcase, you know, and things like that. And I would get throughout that time, I would all of a sudden get so scared. And I would just have to sit on my bed and I would just have to pray, like, God, please be with me. And then I would muster up the energy to keep going and just pack and pack and pack. And then again, I would get overwhelmed with fear. And I would sit on the end of my bed and I would just pray. And then I would muster the third time I did that. I sat in my bed and I said, God, I need to know that you love me. I need to know I'm loved. I need to know I have community, and I need to be courageous. I need to have confidence. I was petrified. And so I keep going. I finish packing after saying that prayer. And um, I turn on, I need to relax. And a friend had brought me a little glass of wine. I didn't drink much, you know, the little tiny bottles of wine. Um, so I poured that, which seems counterintuitive, but I did. And then I turned on a JP Morelin podcast, JP or episode. JP Morelin is a theologian and a philosopher, you know? And so I was listening to that. Sorry, if my dog's barking, I was listening to that, and um, I kind of fell asleep. And later that evening, I get a text from a friend that kind of wakes me up and it's late. It's like 10 o'clock at night. And it's my good friend, Kira. Hi, Kira, if you're watching this, and she sends me a text and she had just broken up with a guy we called Dr. John, he was a doctor. Um, and she texts me, Hey, can I come by? I'm just having a hard time. And so I'm like, sure. And so she was going through a breakup, so she comes over and we like go get ice cream, whatever, and come back. But when she first gets there, she says, I have that something for you. And I'm like, okay. And so she hands me a card, and I open the card, and all it says on that card, when you, you know, the face of the card, it just says, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. And then you open the card, and I think it says, I love you again. And then she hands me a little bag and it's a bracelet, and engraved on the bracelet was I love you. And I was like, Whoa, that's so weird, right? Clearly the Lord. Um, so she leaves at like 3 a.m. and I go to bed, you know, and I wake up, I go to couch, I wake up the um the next morning, and it's Sunday. And so I get a text from another friend, hi Heather, if you're watching, and she texts me and she says, Hey, are you going to church today? I'm just feeling lonely and like I need community. And I'm like, well, that's weird, right? So, and it's kind of like one of those like, oh my gosh, you hear me, you know? Right. And so then I go to church and I'm reminded I have all this community, you know, because I'm doing that desperately. And so then um church ends, and I go to my friend's house, hi Carissa, and she was the one that was gonna able to give me a place to stay for in like two weeks, but her little girl was turning six, and she was having a surprise birthday party for her. So I'd come over to help decorate. You know, I was hanging streamers, and two of our other friends walk in, they're a couple, and um, they come, they they're looking for me, and so they find me, and and um the wife says, Hey, I it was when those key necklaces were really popular, and so she goes, Hey, I was just thinking of you all day during service, and I just felt like the Lord wanted me to give this to you. And she takes off her necklace, and engraved on her necklace is the word confidence. Isn't that remarkable? God loves you, God loves you, God loves you, and so that continue, and you would think I'd be okay and not afraid, and I was so afraid. I was so scared, and so even after I moved in, this would have been a month later, and you know, you're just there is such a thing as divorce brain. It's like a death, really. And you it's not like you start stop loving the person, but for me, it was like I I didn't stop loving him, but suddenly he was a stranger. If that makes sense. And so I was really struggling with the idea of like being divorced, and I don't think I said this last week of like, can I ask for a divorce? And obviously there were things that are wrong with my theology and my view of myself. And I text and I said, God, I cannot make this decision. This cannot be my decision. And so I texted him and I, you know, I said, You're sure you don't want to go to counseling, etc. etc. And he said, No, I wouldn't. He texted back, no, I wouldn't, even if I wanted to. This is not your decision. And throughout it, God just continually showed up so specifically to be like, You're okay. I've got you.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

You're okay. And I feel like that is like such a great point for women that are in it right now. You go to all the counseling, you say all the prayers, and every divorced woman that I know that is kind of, I don't want to say had a healthy divorce, but like got through it well. There was a moment, and I talked about mine last week. There was a moment when you were like, God is okay, he's in it with this decision, he's in it with this. It's not that, you know, I found something better and I'm driving the car away. It's like the Lord is going enough. And I, you know, I'm only speaking to women. I know there's a bunch of men out there that are like, I had the same abuse, I had the same situations, but there is a point when the Lord interjects and says, enough, Susie. I love you, I love you, I love you. Enough, Carrie. I will take over. And it doesn't mean that we have to rehash the last 10 years of our marriage and be like, what did I do wrong? And that there's all that time. But if you're in that situation and you're just going, Lord, I need to hear from you, Lord, I need to hear from you. I urge you to stop what you're doing and pray that simple prayer. Lord, I need to hear from you specifically, because there is no doubt in my mind that you will. I mean, I put like feleces on, like, I'm gonna give them six months. Okay, this is like the six, the last one was like the six months. And if things don't change by, you know, the June 1st, not only did they not change, all hell broke loose again. You know, and it was like God going, um, I got you. Like he's very specific, God. So I think that that's a great story. And also to realize that he loves us during a divorce and after a divorce and before a divorce. Like he loves us, he loves us, he loves us.

SPEAKER_01 16:44

Can I tell one more miraculous story about this whole season? That season of my life was so full of miracles and um so full of miracles, and I because I still cared so deeply for my ex-husband, and I did, and I would like make sure, call his friends and make sure he wasn't gonna be alone on Christmas or wasn't gonna be alone on his birthday. And I know that's very codependent, and we can have all those things, but I didn't in my marriage stop being me. Uh and in my divorce, I didn't stop being me, right? I couldn't help but care and be concerned, and I was this had was a while later, and I was maybe even over a year later, and I was starting to date and everything, and and I had met my husband that I'm married to. And I was really struggling because I just felt so like here I've met the like nicest guy in the world, and and I was just really struggling, but how can what about what about my ex-husband? Is he okay? Is he okay? And um so I had this, I was praying, and I don't remember if I dreamt it. I must have been a s it must have been a dream. And in my dream, I knew where my ex-husband was living at the time, and and in my dream, I had this like bird's eye view of him sitting on the bed, because we were still sharing our dog. We had joint custody of our dog, and so I he I had this image of him sitting on his bed reading something. It was so vivid, he was like in his boxers. I don't know. It was very, it was very vivid, but not like graphic, if that makes sense. And he was like relaxed and reading, and my dog was there, and all the and I was so worried what's gonna happen to him. And in my dream, in the top left corner of the room, a light is there, like a tiny, tiny light begins to appear, and then that light grows and grows and grows and grows until it envelops the whole room, and I can no longer see him. All I can see is a light, and it was like the Holy Holy Spirit reminding me, I have him too. Yeah, he's going to be okay. This is not your responsibility anymore, right? Yeah, and I will say, like, how the divorce kind of began, which I think is important for anyone, like if there is abuse, go find safety. Find safety. Yeah. Like, um, but I remember when I oh, the one thing for me that was so hard is I knew he was gonna continue drinking and he had let me know he wasn't gonna stop ever, like again. This was yeah, and I had been very bulimic and how and I had recovery and I was not bulimic anymore. But I remember coming to him and saying, I don't know how to survive this, like I don't know how to live through it because I had been bulimic for so long, like one more and I didn't even binge, which is annoying. I didn't even do the fun part. I only urged, but like what a waste of bulimia. What a waste of bulimia. Being, I remember just really being like, I could throw up one more time and have a heart attack. Like I had read enough about bulimia, and so when I was saying that, I really meant it. I don't know how I will live because I can't live here and continue to not be bulimic, you know. It I had it had been a while, like a long time since I had um purged or anything. So I think that's another thing. Like, I I didn't know how to survive. I don't even know.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

And I also feel like when you're in something that's so cyclical, it was a couple years out of my divorce to where I went, hey, wait, I don't cry all the time. Like, I don't cry all the time, and it's bizarre to think that I lived years crying and feeling sick and feeling like I don't know how to survive this. So you may be out there listening, going, but no one's hit me, and no one has cheated on me. That does not mean that you're in a marriage that is not abusive. I'm just being honest, and I use that word lightly, and I'm not saying like you have to be abused to be divorced, but like there's these things that you're literally getting sick, and you'll know it because when you separate and you get out of something, this is what I want to say. Divorce is not the bad part, the marriage is the bad part, and the divorce is the freedom from the bad part, right? So I was like, divorce is so terrible. Well, you're getting out of something terrible, and you'll know very quickly because your friends are gonna start to say things like, Wow, you seem a little bit lighter, you seem like and it just I didn't know when it was coming. I didn't, I think it's a journey, but like the fact that you were like, I don't know how I remember those those nights, like I don't know how I'm going to survive this. Literally, my marriage stuff was harder than cancer. It was, yeah, yeah. And I will say, Ron, I mean it, but I went to I went to him saying that, not thinking we would divorce, thinking we would have separation.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

And I'm a big proponent of separating. I was right. I could not stay there. I would have, you know, bulimia is very dangerous. Don't you could have.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

You don't know what somebody could do with addiction.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

And yeah, like I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it for either of us, right? And so that being said, I'm a huge proponent of separating safely when you can.

SPEAKER_00 22:13

And I also am a huge proponent of like getting to the point where you know that God can do anything at any time. But if you're in that same cycle and the only reason that you're going to marriage counseling is to try to fix something that's broken and it's not getting fixed, and it's not getting fixed, and it's not getting fixed. It's okay to like separate and go, let me seek the Lord on this. And I'm not talking about like, oh, he ignores me at night, or you know, like I'm talking about like we both have dealt with bigger things. And for the respect of our spouses, we're not sharing all their dirty laundry. But like I know people are listening and oh, you're Christian and you got a divorce. Did he cheat on you? It's not even like that. Like, and there's like scriptural, I know you're a theologian, you can back that up.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

Yeah, like there are scriptural reasons that God that, you know, are in the Bible that talk about divorce, right? And that that give reasons for it. And um like the the better translation in Leviticus of God hates divorce is really like God um hates those who abandon who they should love or care for. That's one of that's one of the things that Lisa Turkers, listen to her because she has a lot of information on it. That will be said better than me. But um, I think abandonment is a big deal to God. Also, he wants us to be healthy. So if we want to give like takeaways for it, we're gonna wrap this up in a minute. Number one, healthy community is really important. Very, very important. Number two, call the authorities. Yeah, if there's any kind of domestic abuse, violence, anything like that, call the police and ask for help, right? Safety is imperative, even if it means separation, right? Separate, I'm not gonna abuse is one thing I don't even want to touch because it's so horrible. And domestic violence is a very real thing, it's a very dangerous thing. Yeah, and having community, having safe community that you can trust is incredibly important. And separating in a healthy way can lead to reconciliation, right? Unless it's a toxic, dangerous situation, if it's a toxic, dangerous situation, you separate first. Let's put some work on the healing during that, and then it can be lead to a healthy reconciliation or divorce. But do you think that's a good idea?

SPEAKER_00 24:28

When it's A911, I want to put some links in our show notes. Of there's there's so many resources out there. There's legal help. There's free, I found that out. There's free legal help. Like we're not experts, but we do have an email that we're gonna put. And if you have a question and you're going through something, send us an email and we'll do our best to try to find a resource. But there's legal help that's free for single moms. There's there's resources for shelter wherever you might live, there's church help. So I think that, you know, we're just dabbing our toes in a huge subject that could be 57 episodes. But the main thing that I think that what I want our listeners to take away from us is like God loves you, God loves you, God loves you, He loves your children, and He loves your husband and He loves your spouse. So at the end of the day, it may not look like a fairy tale, but it doesn't mean that there's not the resources that the Lord is going to use for you, that the Lord is going to use for you, and those for you that are still fighting for it and have on your heart for reconciliation, we will pray with you. Actually, Susie, I want to end this episode. Will you say a prayer for all the listeners that are just going through it like we did, whatever side of the fence they're on? I just want to end it and pray for you guys. Is that cool, Suze? Totally, totally. Okay, go for it.

SPEAKER_01 25:43

Lord, I just thank you for um all of all of the people listening today, Lord. I ask that you would draw them close to you. I ask that you would remind them that you are a good God and you are kind and gentle and loving, Lord Jesus. I ask that you would speak to each of these listeners, Lord God, that you would comfort them and you bring them hope, Lord God. I pray that you would help them see themselves as you see them, Lord. So we pray for whatever marriage issues and marriage challenges are going on, Lord God. We pray that you would be there and be present. And we pray that you would give wisdom. That you would give wisdom and safety. We trust you, Lord. And I pray that you would also remind people that even in these times, when everyone can tell be telling you something is wrong or counter to culture, I pray that they would not shut you, Jesus, out. That Holy Spirit, you would be near and present and you would speak to them in ways they understand, in ways they know, that you're to remind them that you love them.

SPEAKER_00 26:56

Amen. Amen. You guys, thanks for joining us today. We love you. Please catch us on our email and our Instagram and our Facebook, and we'll put all that in the show notes with some really great resources. And not only does God love you, we love you.

SPEAKER_01 27:11

Bye.

SPEAKER_00 27:12

Bye.