The Faces We Hide: Functional Depression & Suicidal Ideation

On this powerful episode of Kouch Konversations, we sit down with Auaja Lovest and Vernita Edwards for a real, unfiltered conversation about the pain people carry behind the scenes.

This discussion dives into functional depression, what it looks like when someone is showing up, smiling, working, and appearing “okay,” while silently struggling within. We also explore the heavy but necessary topic of suicidal ideation, breaking the stigma and opening the door for honest dialogue.

Together, we unpack:

•  Why so many people suffer in silence 
•  The pressure to appear strong while hurting inside 
•  Signs that are often missed 
•  How we can create safer spaces for people to say, “I’m not okay” 

This episode is for anyone who has ever felt unseen, unheard, or overwhelmed and for those who want to better understand and support others.

You never know what someone is carrying behind their smile.

If you or someone you know is struggling, help is available. In the U.S., you can call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

 Tune in, lean in, and be part of the conversation.

Your healing doesn’t happen in silence; it happens in conversation.

If this episode spoke to you, join us inside the community and continue the dialogue.

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Because here… we don’t just talk about it.
 We do the work.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

So, good morning, good morning, you guys. Welcome back to Couch Conversations for our next episode. And I just wanted to say that this is Mental Health Awareness Month. And so we're going to be diving into some really deep topics this month. So I just want to give a disclaimer, this could be a trigger for some people. We're going to be talking about some things that are really deep. Number one, we're going to be talking about functional depression and suicidal ideation. So a lot of people are not able to deal with talking about these subjects, and you know it can be a trigger. So my best advice is to probably not listen to this episode right now. Okay? So that is my disclaimer of it all. So today I have with me Miss Vernita and I have Anya, and I'm so proud to have y'all here. Miss Vernita, I want you to go ahead and introduce yourself and tell folks who you are, honey.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

I'm Vernita Edwards, owner of Simply Made Customs, and I'm happy to be here. I do branding for um all types of businesses and personal items as well. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Okay. And Miss Anya, welcome back. You've been here before, Boo. Let people know who you are.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

Yeah, absolutely. My name is Anya Lovis. I'm a drug and alcohol counselor, as well as a peer support through the state of California. Uh run a couple of not-for-profits, and my specialty is dealing with people with uh depression, suicide ideation, and then mental health as a whole.

SPEAKER_01 1:47

Thank you. Anya, why did you um think that you wanted to come back and talk uh on couch conversations about this subject?

SPEAKER_00 1:56

Oh my gosh, because mental health is likely, in my opinion, the most important part of your life. When your mental health is skewed, everything after that is skewed. Nothing is stable. When your mental health is stable, then you are able to make the best possible decisions you can make. So being sound is like paramount.

SPEAKER_03 2:20

Right.

SPEAKER_00 2:20

Right doesn't matter how much money you have, it doesn't matter what type of support you have, it doesn't matter your lineage, your gender, none of that matters. If your mental health is not stable, everything else is skewed.

SPEAKER_03 2:36

I agree.

SPEAKER_01 2:37

You you better you better say it. You better totally say it. And um, I I I can't even see how people, and I know I couldn't, I couldn't function um when my mental health was skewed. Even now when it goes up and down, in and out, right? Right. So yeah, so Renita, tell me like, why did you want to be a part of this this topic today? What brought you here?

SPEAKER_02 3:05

Because mental health really matters. I deal with mental health issues. People can look at me and and think that I don't, or I'm always got it together because of I'm very high functioning. Um with depression, I people don't know that I deal with it, and I think it's very important. Um, just like she said, um, if your mental health is not together, then nothing else is. And mental health really matters, and I'm glad we're talking about this topic because 20 years ago it was taboo. Now today, everybody's talking about you know mental health and how can we help people that are having these different mental health issues and things like that. And plus, you know, I deal with this every day.

SPEAKER_01 3:47

Right. Exactly. It it just I don't I really don't believe it go away. I think that we learn how to manage it. And so with that being said, what when you when when you talk about the word functional depression, what do you think that that actually means? What did that what does that look like?

SPEAKER_02 4:08

It means that you're hiding, like you you know how to go and do your day-to-day, like your job, dealing with your children. You could be crying when you get up in the morning about not being able to put food on the table, how I'm gonna get this bill paid, but you go to work and you leave it at the door, or you go to a kid's function or you deal with your children and be like, everything's okay. That's my function.

SPEAKER_01 4:32

Right. Yeah, it's a face.

SPEAKER_02 4:35

It's a face.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

And I I guess that's why I named this episode Faces We Hide, because you know, people look people look at me every day and think that I just have it together 100%. Girl, you a life coach. Girl, you a nurse. I don't have it together 100%, you know, and you know, and sometimes that that's difficult too because I mean, you know, there are people who's watching me. There are people who get their their strength from me, you know, but I'm human, you know. I I have my days just like anybody else. And I can remember there was a long time of a period when I was going through of I would call a functional depression. You know, and it's crazy because you do, you get up every day, you take a bath, you brush your teeth, you go to work, you pay your bills, you know, you take the kids to school, you are functioning, but people don't even realize that on the inside, like you are dying. You know, and why do you think people why do I why do you think people miss that?

SPEAKER_00 5:51

People miss what's going on with us. Oh, well, because they're into their own world. Yeah, they're they're into their own world, they don't know. Um, we do a good people that are depressed um and have other issues as well, not just depression, but we become very excellent hiders. We know what other people expect of us, and then we put that facade on and we go about it. And people are going about their daily lives, they're not paying attention to us, and it's no fault of theirs because we figured them out. We are the one that has something to hide. So we're looking at other people's character traits, ambitions, behaviors, attitudes, and we adjust to that because we're literally trying to hide something. So we do a good job at that. That's why they miss it. You know, they have to know you exceptionally well, like how you know me. You don't you wait in Ohio and something to be like, let me call her. You know what I'm saying? It was a time where I called my sister and um her voice sounds so different. And I was like, mm-hmm. When I hung up the phone, I told my husband, I was like, and we lived in Santa Ana, and uh she lived in Covina, and I said, you know, let's go out there. I went out there and her boyfriend was jumping on her. Right when we walked in, the door was ajar, and we walked in and he was whooping her ass right there, and I was like, oh my god. And it immediately turned into what social media would say viral. We immediately as soon as I walked in, me and my husband, like it it it was there was no time to prepare. And we just jumped in. We just, you know, so I knew something because I know her well. And her voice was like, Hey, how you doing? I'm doing okay, you know, but I just something didn't seem right.

SPEAKER_03 7:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:55

So somebody has to really know you well to know that something is askew. But day in and day out, we're good hiders.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

Yeah. I agree, I agree with you because there's days that I I've struggled, you know, and I can remember when I first got married and I came to Ohio the first time. I was here for 10 months, and I felt like I was dying. But on the outside, everybody thought that, you know, like I was okay, you know, and I'm like, y'all don't see me over here dying inside. And it's so crazy. So, Renita, why do you think, why do you think that people like like why do they do that? Why do you, why I'm over here dying? Somebody say, How are you doing? and and and they they just be like, Well, I'm fine, you know, and just like Anya said, let me say this too, real quick. Just like Anya said, I think it's all about really knowing people and knowing your friends and knowing um the people that you deal with on a on a regular basis, you know, if they're really fine, even if they say they're fine, but why why do you feel like people don't say that?

SPEAKER_02 9:09

But if people say that they're fine and not let people know that you know they're really not doing well because they don't want everyone to know that they they have failures too, that they are not always okay, because there's a stigma behind that too. Yeah, if you really think that if people know that you're depressed, like, oh, don't go over there because um I don't want I don't want that to happen to me, or I don't want their burdens on me, or I don't want to feel like I'm interfering with their life and trying to tell them what to do when they're not gonna listen, anyways. People think that, like, why should I help you come out of whatever funk you're in? You're not gonna listen anyways. So people sometimes to me are afraid to help the other person, but they also don't know what to do. Who's out there teaching them? I was gonna say I was just gonna say that.

SPEAKER_00 10:01

I was just gonna say that. People some people do not have the wheelhouse to manage other people's emotions, even though it's not our responsibility to manage someone else's emotions. But some people like I'm an empath. I just learned from formal education how to manage myself. So I'm hence why I'm in mental health. So you know, you got an empath that's full blown into mental health. I mean, that's a recipe for disaster, you know. But I've learned because I want to help people, like I got help. I've learned through education and my own meditation at my higher source to manage and regulate my emotions so I can be there for other people.

SPEAKER_02 10:42

Right. Right. And I feel like sometimes you just need to sit and listen. Sometimes they don't need you to fix it for them or tell them how to fix it. Some especially with men. So I've learned this here recently. Men Sometimes when they vent, it sounds aggressive. They're trying to get out what they're trying to say, but most people will feel like, oh, he's trying to go off on me or da-da-da-da. When all they really need you to do is listen. So if people learn how to listen to what people are saying and let them get it out, and then do your rebuttal or say, well, how can I help you with this? Or what do you think would be a solution for this? And I found that that works because a lot of people, I talk to a lot of people, a lot of people. Um, and I have this thing where I can tell if somebody's not right. I don't know them like personally like that. I'm not all in their business, but I have I I call it a gift where I can tell if your body language is a third way or how you're talking if something's not right. And all I do is be like, so what's going on? And then they'll just talk.

SPEAKER_00 11:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:53

And once they start talking, then you can say, Well, how can I help? Or what do you think? What if you try that? And then people are more apt to do that. And that's somebody that might be depressed, that's somebody that might be going through something at the moment where they just needed to get the information out. I think we need to start paying more attention to uh what people are saying and let people talk, and then try to help that way.

unknown 12:16

Right.

SPEAKER_02 12:17

And there's a class for that.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

Yeah, that's true. And if I may add, if it's a partner or a loved one, family member or what have you, or friend, rather than taking things uh personal, even though personal things might be stated, but rather than taking it personal, suggest what my colleague just said is to take a moment and say, How can I help you? But we're too busy defending what they just said. And threatening that's where they get all off track. And and particularly like she said with men. W men obviously have way less words uh than use less words than we do. So the words that they have in their vernacular, they are going to use those words to express themselves. Whereas women, we have a plethora. I mean, we have so many words, and so we're able to articulate even in anger how we feel and make it clear. But women, we take it so personal when a man is saying something because we expect their brains to process information like art, and that's not accurate.

SPEAKER_02 13:28

No. There's there's so many men walking around here depressed, high functioning, like they're working out because that's what they do to ease their brain. They're going to work, they're expected to do X, Y, and Z. They can't talk if they're soft and you know something's wrong with them. Because it was told to me the other day, this is why men don't express how they feel, because us women take it as them being aggressive. So we as women also need to learn how to listen and not try. That's what that word says. Listen, we listen, but we don't judge. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 14:04

And you know what's so crazy is that you find that a lot more in the men of color. Okay. I know, like, say for with my husband, I I am, I'm learning him. We've been together three years, and um, we've been married almost three years. And even though I've been knowing him almost 40 years, it's like um with on an intimate level, being married to him in the same home and everything, I had to relearn him. And I have to learn when my husband is not um functioning at his highest potential. And when he is in a funk or he is depressed, I used to, you know, talk, talk, talk, just like you said. Us women, we we just go to talking and sometimes just you know, they just want us to listen. So now I've learned, and I'm still learning, I'm still learning, you know. Bernita, you've been a wife a long time. But me, you know, I've been a wife several times and short times, but this time is it, you know, it's totally different. And I'm really trying to, you know, be present in my marriage 100%. So I know with my husband, you know, now I know to sort of just you know, allow him his space, because it does it comes off aggressive. It comes off aggressive, and so I I used to get offended. And matter of fact, we just had a big fight about that. Um, and I told him, I said, You I don't want you talking to me like a child. He was like, What are you talking about? And so I understand exactly what you're saying when you know about that, you know, they come off aggressive or whatever, but um, I've learned though to just sort of kind of allow him his space and just listen. And listen, it's different for us because you know, when uh when we in a in a funk, I pick up the phone and her beat. I'm here tell you, honey, I'll call her behind in the middle of the night. Sister, I need to talk. Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:06

Yeah, we be ready too. We yeah, we be ready. It's like a it's like a superpower or the ass signal goes up. We be ready, like what? What's up? I need a plane ticket. What I need, what I need to do, yeah. Yeah, but that's how women are, you know. So mental health, I agree again with my colleague here. Mental health looks so different for all of us, and I know that it's a lot of times it's not what's going on in our home, it's the social standards and what that expectation is. God created us, what the world molded us. So when when the Bible tells us to we need to die to self, we need to die to what we were molded to be here on this earth. All these standards, all these rules, regulations, policy, procedures, all this stuff molded us. He's trying to get us back to the way it should have been, or at least we get close to it. You know, so mental health has been an issue from day one. And that's what the Bible is not religion, but the spiritual teaching are the um the people in the medical field be it as lowest spirit support, like that health all the way to psychology and sociology, you know, and even drug and alcohol if I may. It's about trying to help people achieve the balance. If you want to like when my mom used to be on track in the 80s, I remember asking her now. I remember asking her why. What are you doing? And she said I like it. Um people are helping to do what they want to do until they cannot do it. But understand that your mental health until you can table everything else to you. And people are walking around here and you don't know. It's not my responsibility as a friend, as a girlfriend, sister to read it to check in on her life. Check on me. But you know what John does work. It's not my responsibility to keep my hand on the swivel and see if they okay today. You know, I'm supervising it, they driving him, they're doing stuff, you know, carrying a gun, being a police officer. You gotta check on people because they're what they do affect other people. But your responsibility as a human being is to show up wherever you are at a hundred percent. And if you ask not a hundred percent, stay the fuck home. That's right. Stay home. Leave people alone. Because now you got me, my head on the swivel. You got me concerned that you going out with a gun. You got me concerned that you operate this heavy equipment. You driving a school bus. Like, stay home, go home. Right. Because now you have drunk everybody else in on your mess.

SPEAKER_02 19:36

But I gotta play devil's advocate to that. What if what if they can't stay home? What if they gotta go to work because they said, you know, if I don't show up one more time, if I miss one more day, I'm gonna lose my job, then I can't take care of my kids and this and that. I feel like each job should have something available to these workers.

SPEAKER_00 19:58

That's that's my job. That's and I 100% agree with you. So if you're not gonna stay home, you need to get yourself some help. Talk to your to your HR, because that's literally what I do. I am a wellness, I'm a wellness person, director, whatever you call me, at businesses where I set up wellness plans for them and their employees. But there's stigma, there's stigma with that too.

SPEAKER_02 20:22

There's stigma with that too. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 20:25

But the the ceiling has been cracked, because you're right. But the ceiling has been cracked, and more and more people, such as myself, are uh doing this because businesses see uh one of my newest clients is a um a convalescent home where the old men are verbally and physically attracted to the female nurses and sometimes the male nurses. The female nurses are are um you know, so um I'm I'm meeting with uh the uh G O men over there and trying to come up with a wellness plan for her for the staff rather when I'm meeting with that individual employee to talk to her. But that stigma is a sickness, but it's being broken the glass, the ceiling has been cracked on that, and people like myself are getting in these businesses to have an out for their employees. So thank you so much for bringing that and pulling the devil's advocate. Because you're right, some people leave home to get away from the best.

SPEAKER_02 21:35

Exactly. Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm just I'm glad the glass has been broken. I'm so happy the glass has been broken, it needs to be broken more places, and then yeah, it needs to be a comfortability thing for men. I I'm advocating for the men right now. So I thought about this to think about because they have to know that they can feel comfortable going like if I'm at work and I you know, I'm doing my job or whatever. You know, uh, but I'm having a hard time. I don't like it here. So um I want to be doing something else, but you know, I gotta pay my bills. I gotta get to take care of who am I going to talk to that I'm comfortable with. Oh that's not gonna work that that's the mental health person because they must be putting their mind. Now I gotta watch them to make sure they're kind of covered. Bang, bang, bang. So we gotta we gotta have spaces even outside of work, maybe men's groups or you know, I know some here in Charlotte where they go out and they just it's a group of dads, they go out and they have dinner, and then they can talk to each other that way. So I think there needs to be that it's gotta become the norm.

SPEAKER_00 22:47

It's gotta become the norm. Businesses need to put contact information on the website, um, put it through uh social media where you don't have to go through HR uh to obtain that information. When I was um doing drunk and alcohol for Calho um and doing peer support, um there were more females that called in, but too much to my surprise, there were a lot of men calling in um undercover. Man, I've had men call me sitting in their car in the garage. They can hear the drama going on in the house, and they're calling me while they're sitting in the car saying I I need to prepare to go in here because I already know it's gonna be some bullshit. In the car, in the car. I've had a man, this one really shocked me, a young man that just got out of prison, did a couple of years, um, and his girlfriend um did not believe in his dream to get old to um start up a full truck, and and he's fresh out and he's got this idea, he's got a little muddy face, and he was he was bringing him down, and um, he was doing some kind of way. I actually hooked him up with a friend of mine, actually a colleague that did 26 years in prison and now has a not for profit that's helping uh men and women exit out. And I was hooked them up together, and now he was not with his girlfriend anymore. Now his business is thriving. But she was dragging him down, and he was just really depressed and didn't know what he was gonna do. He said, I don't want to go back to that life. But she was there with me when I was down, but now she she's you know she's not of any support. You know, what do I do? And I told him I'm this is not my area of expertise, but I know somebody that can help you. And I hooked him up that night. That night, that kind of stuff. Yeah, so you gotta have, you know, in school, they teach you to have your own library of resources, regardless of where you work at. And I've carried that resource book with me from the time I started in this field to now and continue to add to it because your company or your organization, most of them have a really nice decent library of resources, but most of the time they don't want you taking with them. So you develop your own relationship, your own partnership, so you can refer anybody. I was on vacation and somebody asked me for some help. Not at work, I'm on vacation. In a dolphin pool and being asked for some help. Wow. We yeah. So I have to pull up my phone and give her some information because her need was a higher caliber than I can manage myself and referred her out. So you gotta have your library and resources and know who to who to uh connect people with because everybody's not gonna connect with anybody, as the as my colleague has said, yes.

SPEAKER_01 25:55

So do you think that society has trained people to to hide the pain? And that's the reason why, um, like you said with the men, do you think that they've been trained to hide it? Not too. Do you think that's the reason why?

SPEAKER_02 26:13

Um, because you you you're told when you go to work, leave whatever you got going on, leave it at the door. Yeah, and come in here and perform. Yeah, leave it at the door. Come in here and perform. So in society, you still leave it in the car. Or you go in to have the time because you feel like I got it together. Although you just in your car crying about whatever. I mean these tiers, get the specter on and go back and go in here and perform. Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_01 26:50

So, what do you think what do you think some of the kind of signs are of uh of functional distress? What would you be looking for? That should be going around looking for it. You know, what are some of the signs that you see in people with this functional depression?

SPEAKER_02 27:06

Their body language. I can look at I don't know. I can look at someone's face. Sometimes, you know, you might be smiling, but if you look in the eyes, the eyes tell it off. The body language tells it off. I see it every day.

SPEAKER_03 27:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:24

Yeah, where I sit at work, I can see when people come in. Um, you might come in a certain way, and then you might see some clients or whatever, and then your your whole face, the way your walk is, it changes.

SPEAKER_01 27:38

Yeah. I agree with you. I do but I believe I believe that there's some people who have um actually perfected walking around in functional depression where you can look in their eyes, come on, somebody. Okay, because this is good at it. Let me tell you, I'm gonna tell you this. Uh and and and Anya could probably attest to this too. There was a time I was married to this man, and on the outside, we appeared to be so happy and having things together. However, I was broken. When I say broken inside, I was torn down on the inside, honey. I was. Yeah. And I thought so well. People to tell me.

SPEAKER_00 28:27

I was living in the house. I was living in the house and didn't know. When I and when I came home one day, I was like, What's what's going on, sister? And when she told me, I said, What? I couldn't believe it. I had no idea. None. None. I'm in the house, eating dinner, chit-chatting, going out. Had no idea. So we hide it well. And particularly people of color, because there's already a stereotype about us. We can go back to the days of slavery where we have to put on a fake face, you know, a fake disposition to be like we okay, you know, and including the um the Jewish people, if I may. Um, they were getting slaughtered for any given reason, but if you out there in the fields and you're not um in these camps, rather, and you don't look healthy, they're going to put you in the in the smoke room. So they were actually pricking their fingers to generate blood, to uh get blood, put it on their cheeks, so their cheeks can look a little rosy, so their lips can look because they were so em uh emassed it, um, that you know, they were deprived of food and obviously vitamins and nutrients. So they have to figure out a way to put a smiling face on and look healthy when they look dead, just to not go to the chamber. You know? So we have been faking this for years, you know, and it's trickled down in our DNA. It's just habit and it's unfortunate. And again, like my colleague said, it's a stereotype. You know, there's a stigma to it, rather. You know, but now it's becoming what I've noticed, and particularly in social media, to be drama, to be me too. I'm depressed too. And because you we want people to feel sorry for you. You want to think 15 minutes of fame or or whatever you want to be on the bandwagon to people lying about being, you know, raped and and um depressed just to get attention. People are exaggerating. You know, Tom Arnold did that when uh Roseanne Barr came out about her childhood. Couldn't find out he said he was too, but couldn't find out he was a damn lie. None of that stuff happened to him. So, you know, if people want attention, and now you don't know who to believe and what to believe.

SPEAKER_01 31:00

Yeah, yeah, and that's true. Uh, you know, and that's and that's whoo that's a sad shame. You know what's so crazy? Um I know that I uh this is not off the subject, but I was watching an interview with Ray J. Did y'all watch that interview? I didn't crazy when I look at the face, the faces we hide, the functional depression, I I think about him. I looked at that interview and I was just very, very sad for him. You know, um, just you're right.

SPEAKER_00 31:41

I didn't think that about um uh what's his what's the one that was married to um Mariah Carey? What's his name?

SPEAKER_01 31:49

Oh, he came out and said it. Oh, he came out and said it. He talked about it. He said it was one of the reasons why he had a lot of children.

SPEAKER_00 31:56

Yeah, Nick Cannon. When I saw his interview and he was trying to defend, you know, having all those kids and this and that, this was before he admitted. I knew then.

SPEAKER_03 32:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:08

I knew I said he yeah, he he got the problem.

SPEAKER_03 32:13

He got the problem.

SPEAKER_00 32:14

The way he tried, and I'm not a quote, just because you got 10, 11, 12 children does not mean you got mental health issues at all. Back in the day, that was a family staff. But when he went in there, you go. When you when he went in on explaining why, I said, okay. He's got some mental health issues. Yes, he's definitely he's definitely got some chance. And when he came out about it, I I I was like, Yeah, uh everybody knows, bro. You the emperor with no clothes on, okay? That's who you are, because everybody see you naked. Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 32:52

Right. You're right. And you know what? That just goes to show you look, these are celebrities, right? These are celebrities. And this let's just say this. This is our opinion about what we feel, about you know, what we see about them. But of course, their lives are you know, it's out in the public. So we see this, these things every day. We're not judging or anything, it's just that this is an opinion that we have, like when I said about radio, basically, based on observation and what we see.

SPEAKER_00 33:23

Because we don't we do not know what goes on behind doors. But when you are an empath or skill, like again, my colleague, you see it and you hear it. And for the most part, you have a base. People have a base, and when that base changes, you you see where it's going, and you can pick up on people's energy because we all have it. It don't matter what my daily activities are day in and day out, my energy is going to show where I am mentally.

SPEAKER_01 33:52

Absolutely, and you know, um, listen, we're gonna segue into something, and I just want to put a disclaimer out there once more, okay? Because this is about suicidal ideation. Okay, so I want anybody who feels like they're gonna be triggered. Vernita, if you feel you're gonna be triggered, Anya, let me know and we can end the interview. So if not, we'll go ahead and proceed because Anya just said some things just now um which made me want to segue into this. You know, when it comes to uh our men of color especially especially, I am starting to see a rise of men of color who is actually taking their life. You know, you know, we spoke on Nick Cannon and Ray J. They out in the public acting a damn fool, but then you have some of these men who are saying nothing. And the next thing you know, they're gone. Say, for instance, the young man Twitch. He was in the public eye, everything going for beautiful wife, uh, beautiful children, home, career, all that, and then boom, gone. You know, so um this thing about suicidal ideation um and suicide is deep. And when I say it's deep, it's all over uh social media right now. I I wrote a book about it, wake up tomorrow, and I was gonna read something from it a little bit later before we close. But um why is it important to understand that many people want to end their life?

SPEAKER_00 35:49

Well, society, um again, I'm gonna go back to the society has molded us even though God created us. And so the the weight, and particularly men of color, the weight of this world is on them, unlike any other man, unlike the burden of the family, keeping the family together. Then you got out going out in the world and dealing with people. You got all these, you know, people you answer to, you walk up on somebody, and they immediately have the stereotype in their head. Uh, and and you don't even have to say anything. The energy, the energy that someone brings to you, be it over the phone or be it in person, is a weight, it's heavy. And then and so they don't feel like they have anyone to go to because again, their ego and their pride is in the way. So they feel like they have no other option but to go.

SPEAKER_01 36:48

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, I it only reason why I'm saying it is this. Um, I have dealt with suicidal ideation for many, many, many, many years. Many years. And I I've got to admit that every time I think about it, and I don't, it's it isn't that it isn't that I want to end my life. I want the the pain to stop.

SPEAKER_03 37:17

Right.

SPEAKER_01 37:17

I want the heaviness to stop. A mental pain is so much worse than the physical pain. How do you rid of how do you rid of mental pain? How do you do that? How do you, you know, wake up and all this heaviness is there and you get rid of that?

SPEAKER_02 37:34

It takes time, it doesn't go overnight.

SPEAKER_01 37:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:38

If I may, I'm I'm gonna tell you the solution to it, never whether you agree with it or not, or or follow through. 100% how do you get rid of it? You need a shift in your mindset. We whatever we're looking at that's depressing us and making us stress out and making us want to kill ourselves. It is literally how you're looking at it. Literally, it's how you're perceiving it. You have to change your mind about what you're looking at. And let me give you an example. You've got two families where a child was murdered, and you got one family that's embracing the murderer that has forgiven him or her. Then you got another family that's ready to go in and kill the person that killed their child. Each one, there's nothing wrong with either of them. The difference is, however, the people that are embracing the person that murdered their child, it's not that they don't love their child. It's not that they are not they're not unhappy. It's that another life is being taken. This person is going to prison likely or getting the death penalty for what they did. Because the way they're looking at it, behaving another person and keeping that day in and day out and stressing yourself out literally is not going to fix that situation. So it's up to you to change your mindset. It's like my colleague said, it takes time to do that, but you have to first, and we're all in addiction, we all know what that is. You have to admit it and take the first step. But that's the answer. Whether they want to acknowledge it or take it or not. You gotta wake up and be like, oh, this is some bullshit, but okay. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 39:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 39:18

I'm not gonna let this truth, I'm not gonna let my kids stress me out, I'm not gonna let this job, I'm not gonna let no man, I'm not gonna let no child, I'm not gonna let anybody. It's literally a choice because somebody else is experiencing the same exact situation, but they are not allowing it to stress them out. Yes, that person is different. Yes, you're different, but you too can partake of this non-stress energy as well. It's okay. God's best is available for us day in and day out. It is there's no, I don't need to pray God's best for you because it's already available. My prayer is for you to recognize it and lean in. The problem is we're not leaning into it. So you want to be rid of it? Uh change your mind. And it doesn't mean you're not bad about it. It doesn't mean that you don't appreciate it. It doesn't mean that. Of course you don't appreciate it. Of course you don't like this over there. Of course not. But it doesn't mean that you have to sit and marinate in it. It's like sitting at the front door waiting for the shoe to drop. Why are you doing that? Don't you gotta use the bathroom? Don't you gotta feed yourself? Don't you gotta go take care of your husband? Why are you waiting at the front door? You just waiting at the front door so your life came to a standstill because you waiting for the shoe to drop at the door so you can open it up. It's coming whether you sit there or not.

SPEAKER_01 40:40

Right, right. Right. Right.

SPEAKER_02 40:45

What do you think, Bernada? I agree with my colleague there. Um, the way that I got it, because I had um subside audiations for years, but I changed the narrative. I changed my mindset, just like she said. I changed it instead of feeling like you know, my world's about to end and I gotta be able to do X, Y, and Z. When I change that, okay, this is where I am. That's where I want to be. How am I gonna get there and get out of this phone?

SPEAKER_03 41:17

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:18

Change my narrative. So I I look at everything as a lesson, right? Yes. So let's say for instance, uh my pipes first. Okay, I've lost in my mind here, I lost everything, blah, blah, blah. What am I gonna do, right? Let me tell you what I did. I said, you know, it could be worse. I could be dead. I could be X, Y, and Z. My my computer's gone somewhere. Um Okay. And so instead of being negative about things, I take everything as a positive or a positive, I flip it to positive, uh, no matter what it is. Whether I feel like really bad, because I I actually want to end my life because I gave wait, I didn't know that I was uh this big or a thousand. And I saw a picture of me and I was like, I'm done. Like I'm just done. I have all these health pictures I'm done, right? But I had to think and change, change my mindset. So um so I can fix it, I can fix that, I can fix this, but I had to change. And so once I change everything else, falling depressed. And so I'm like that with other people. You know, I try to get if they're depressed or they're you know talking about whatever, I I spit it, I put something positive on it.

SPEAKER_01 42:41

Were you able to tell anybody this is what you would think of?

SPEAKER_02 42:46

After I went through my not talking, close the door. I used to get depressed when I turned a different age. My birthday, because as a kid, my birthday was never celebrated. So when my birthday came, I thought it was a time to close the door. And I literally, from the time my birthday came, I close the door, and I would talk to people and answer my phone until the next day I said, Oh, it's overfiling. I didn't want to be recognized for things like that.

SPEAKER_01 43:14

Do you think that was your your cue you were trying to give to people that you would hold?

SPEAKER_02 43:21

It was my cue, but everybody didn't pick up on it. Everybody did not pick up on it. Why is it? No, as a case when I tried to commit suicide, nobody really picked up on it.

SPEAKER_01 43:33

What do you think?

SPEAKER_02 43:36

Oh, because that wasn't a priority. Wow. Wow. So think about you know, think about people, you know. I didn't mean to do that. But that's what we do over here. But you know, sometimes you you like again, you don't know how different things will affect somebody, how it affects them later, how it affects them now. Um but if Again, we're talking about suicide ideation. You gotta change the narrative.

SPEAKER_01 44:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 44:05

Once you do that, and you do that successfully, not saying that you're not gonna ever be depressed again or you might not think about it again, but you're you're not gonna go and do it. Like you're not gonna do the plan. You're not gonna say, I'm gonna do X, Y, and Z to end this or whatever.

unknown 44:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:21

Yeah. Well, I'm gonna tell you, I think that um, I think that we we miss a lot of the signals because I think that people think that suicide, people who want to commit suicide, that it's loud, you know, and that there's there's it is not loud. Step one, I'm gonna get rid of everything. Step two, it it is nothing like this. It's actually very subtle, and people miss it. Like people don't even realize that people who overwork themselves, you know, that that can be a signal, like, hmm. Not saying that that's that's everybody, but yeah, people who um overwork themselves, people who always trying to outdo or trying to prove themselves, you know, and I can I I can only just remember when I was a young girl, I was just over it. Now, I did attempt suicide, and this is when I was a teenager and I was living with my mom and the projects, and I wrote about it in this book, and I talked about um how I just laid there and I was waiting to go, honey. I was waiting to go, and I got pissed off because I woke up the next day and I was sick, and I still had to go to school, but people missed it. Uh and you're right, you it was because I feel like I was not a priority, I was not even seen, like it it was crazy, you know.

SPEAKER_02 45:53

Yeah, and it's like even when because when I did it, it was like the next day, it's like it didn't even happen, it didn't exist. You know, put her in that tub of water, get her back together so she can go out here and babysit these kids, you know. Wow. I mean, that's the reality of it, you know. So she can wash these kids get her, put her back together, she's gonna be all right, you know. Don't even talk about it ever again.

SPEAKER_01 46:26

It's done. Um so so how are you with that now? Like, you know, dealing with the suicidal ideation. And do you think catch you this too, real quick? Do you think that everybody has suicidal ideation? Is it or is it just you know, people with these mental health disorders?

SPEAKER_02 46:48

Oh, everybody has it, everybody has something traumatic that's happening. It's like, oh my god, my world is over. Right, you know, um, I need to just get out of here and not be here anymore. Some people are looking for a reaction, some people mean it. Yeah, um, but who are we to say whether that's the real one or that's not? And then who's gonna do something about it or who knows how to handle it? Right. That's why mental health is so important. We need to pay attention to our surroundings, our people around us, and get training because you don't have to be a peer educator, you don't have to be a psychologist, a social worker, or anything like that to be there for somebody that might be, especially these kids, yeah, these men. Um, I think social media is making people think life is just roses and in all the dandelions. It's not like their life is not real, it's not real.

SPEAKER_01 47:44

And I didn't even try to be very careful with that as a life coach and one who is very present on um social media. I don't want people thinking that my life is perfect. So when I have my bad days, I tell people, listen, I I'm not okay today. I never want people thinking that my life is just roses, you know what I mean? That's why I really watch even when I listen, I post my husband, me and him, and I post him because I'm I'm in love with him, right? And I want the world to know that I'm in love with him. But I don't want the world to think that you know everything is just so perfect over here that we just over here walking on water, you know. I have my days, I have my days, and my husband will say, like, when I, you know, when I was going into my depressions when the first time I was here in Ohio, and he's like, You'll be gone for days, meaning in my mind, you know, he's saying it takes so much just to bring you back. So I really had to check myself on that, and like Anya said, you know, it's about your mindset. You really have to change that mindset. But there are some people who are unable to do that. Yeah, I mean I'll be even thinking about the the actor Robert Robin Williams. That's his name. Yeah, we thought this this man funny, um, had money, had the life, the fame, everything. And he was walking around functionally depressed. It's crazy. And with suicidal ideations, and where one day he finally was like, This is the day, and what's so crazy about it, there were no signs.

SPEAKER_02 49:25

But were they? There probably was.

SPEAKER_00 49:28

Nobody was paying attention. Right. Yeah, it probably was. Thank you so much for having me. I look forward to coming back to another day. I wish I could stay on for the whole time, but you guys are doing a great job. Thank you for having me, and I look forward to chatting with you guys another time. Thank you so much. Bye-bye.

SPEAKER_01 50:02

So listen, um, this is a deep subject. It really is. And I know that um you were even talking about some of your um some of your, you know, some of your childhood trauma things that you wanted to speak on. Um, do you think that some of the things that you went through as a child played a part in your suicidal ideations?

SPEAKER_02 50:25

Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:28

Yeah. I went through a lot. Yeah, yeah. So not gonna touch on all the things, but yeah, it's a lot. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, I'm very high functioning.

SPEAKER_01 50:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:42

Um people really don't know I'm depressed or be that I even be depressed because I just got an award for I am just a ray of sunshine when I'm at work because that's what I am, because that's what I know how to do. I mean, I really am happy all the time, but I'm also sad all the time too, and people don't know.

SPEAKER_03 51:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:02

Um, do I have suicide ideations now? No, thank God. No, yeah, but have I in the past, yes, a lot. Have I I've gone as far as taking pills, drinking bleach, overdoing an alcohol, but I keep waking up, so God said I need to be here, so I need to stop. So I don't do any of that anymore.

SPEAKER_01 51:27

Yeah, well, we were talking about like how people really miss how really people really miss it. Because I'm telling you, I I'm telling you, when I was here in Ohio the last time, I remember I'll never forget. I laid in that bed and I said, if I do not wake up tomorrow, it will be okay. Because I was just, but everybody was like just missing it. It's like, y'all don't see me over here.

SPEAKER_02 51:54

You see me over here just in this bed, like y'all can just let me lay here. Sure. That's why you gotta have your inner circle. Like, I don't have an inner circle, I guess I need to get one, but but you gotta have those friends that know you that will pick up the phone or that are in the same town that you're in, and just be like, Okay, I heard from her in a couple hours. I and usually I talk to her like three, four times a day, or we text and let me go over here and see what's going on, and be that person to come and get you out the bed. Like, girl, what you doing? Like, what's really going on? So I think everybody needs that person, yeah. Gotta find that person. Well, I gotta find one because I ain't got one.

SPEAKER_01 52:35

Yeah, but once you get one, me, you can always call me, yeah. But what if I don't call you? Yeah, exactly. You right, but see, it goes back to just what you were saying, you know, you check on your people. Check on your people. What's Mernina not posted? We haven't seen any of her posts lately. Because she don't post, she ain't got no projects going on. Right, but you know what is crazy though, for real, for real, though. If I hadn't if I haven't heard, because I usually randomly text you about something crazy every now and again, you know. But if I haven't heard from you in a while, they'd be like, wait, hold on.

SPEAKER_02 53:16

Right, vice versa, because I'll be like, You good, or hang her, I was thinking about you, you know, stuff like that. I think people need that type of those type of people in their lives so that they can also hold them accountable or just be there, be that listening ear. You might just need to vent, be like, this is MFR and da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Yeah, all right, and I feel good now.

SPEAKER_01 53:38

Yep, yep. Because I'm telling you, boy, especially with life, life. So, our property um that my daughter moved out of, and the property needs so much work, and um so when she moved out, um, it had it sat empty for a little while. Somebody broke in, they stole the hot water tank and the furnace girl. And it's like, God, I don't want what's going on, you know, and I can remember like I'm thinking, like, you know, just over this. You know, I'm just over this living thing. I'm so sick of it. It's like I'm a good person. Why do this, you know, you find yourself there, and I'm telling you, if you don't have your people that you can call and say, I'm not okay, but I'm fucked up right now and I need some help. You know, you don't have, I can only imagine those people who do not have absolutely nobody, not a husband, not a kid, not a friend, not a nobody. Can you imagine?

SPEAKER_02 54:44

Yeah, those are the people you see out here on the streets wandering around because now they didn't went to something, some substance or something else to help you know, take them away, like Calgon take me away. Yeah, um, and so now they out here real mentally messed up because of the substance. It's a lot of people like that, or it's a lot people out here shooting people, it's people out here going to do things to to people that they don't need to because they didn't lost it, they don't care, right? You know, right?

SPEAKER_01 55:13

So what have you done differently? What have you done differently just to make sure that you you know, okay, you said that you you are functionally depressed. What is so what are some of the things that you do to make sure that you keep your spirits up though on a day-to-day basis?

SPEAKER_02 55:34

I walk, I work out, I clean, I go and create something. Those are my things. Yes, working out, cleaning because cleaning relaxes me.

SPEAKER_01 55:48

Yeah, you have Bernita's. Well, you have Nita's creative simply made customs. Simply made customs. I keep forget every I don't know why I keep wanting to stay with your old name, but uh yes, so you so what it what what do you do with with that? Simply made customs.

SPEAKER_02 56:09

I like to help small business owners with their merch. I like to take um someone's um thoughts or you know, whatever their plan is for their their business or design, and I like to bring it to life. Like if you have a thought, you know, I want to start this clothing brand and I'm thinking about doing X, Y, and Z, I listen. I don't judge, but I listen and then I will go and create something based off of what their thoughts are. I love to do that. I love to work one-on-one with people in their events, their planning, um, to bring their creations to life, whether that's creating something with um through a t-shirt, through clothing, through um tumblers, cups, embroidery, sewing, whatever that, whatever it is, even if it's painting, you know. I just I am very creative. I like to create and I like to help people, no matter what it is. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 57:09

And you say you feel like that definitely helps you with your depression.

SPEAKER_02 57:14

Oh, it does, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It does. 100%.

SPEAKER_01 57:18

Um, I love riding my motorcycle, that's one of the things that I love doing. I'm scared of motorcycles. I love my motorcycle, that's what I I love doing. So when I cannot, and I have not really been, I I have this year a little bit, but I haven't really been able to ride it like I want to because of the weather. And that's one of the things here too that trigger me is the weather. When it's like it's when it's cold. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So our girl, our whole goal is to get me out of here as soon as possible because it's just um it's it's it's rough. It's rough as when you are dealing with with depression, um that you have to know your triggers.

SPEAKER_02 58:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 58:03

And the weather here is one of my triggers. It's just all winter long, only thing I could do is go to work and come home. Well, you can do other things.

SPEAKER_02 58:14

Yeah. So so here's a suggestion. Go to one of the like not David, is it Daven Busters? I don't know what y'all got down there. Um, and get on the play motorcycle and pretend you got to take your mind somewhere else. No, yeah, no, you you wash your mouth out with soap.

SPEAKER_01 58:33

You said what? No, so nobody who rides motorcycles don't have to tell them that.

SPEAKER_02 58:46

Or go in the garage, go in the garage, get on your motorcycle, starting up, and put on a video, like and put on a game video, like you go on through when you in the summertime, take your mind somewhere else. Okay, there we go. Yeah, there you go, there you go.

SPEAKER_01 59:05

Not doing that. Like this winter, I did. I got uh I got uh got on my motorcycle, started it up, let's turn the music on, and I'm sitting on it, and yeah, and that took the edge off. But one of the things I've been doing lately, I'm really trying to get involved in the community. You know, I'm uh starting this uh mentorship program, it's for girls 12 to 18, and I really uh want to really get into that. I don't want to see more women, more girls growing up and and ending up in my predicament.

SPEAKER_02 59:40

You know, that's a passion of mine as well. Yes, um because you know, as when we were back in young girls, young kids, there was no one or a place we could go that could teach you the life skills, yeah, what to look for, somebody to talk to about what's going on at home. Um, I'd be happy to help you with that as well because I have so much in this head that I have been through that could help the next person, the next young girl. And I also feel like one of the programs that you could offer in your program is teach them how to open a bank account, how to balance a checkbook, how to um we actually have part of the program is financial literacy.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:28

So we'll we're gonna be teaching that.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:30

Yes, and what yes, and how to um take care of yourself. Yep, you know, stay. Yes, life skills. What if you don't have pads? What do you do? Yeah, yeah. You know, yeah, where can you go and get X, Y, and Z?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:49

Right.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:49

You know, what if you're at home and your mom can't afford um soap powder and things like that? How can you make your own um how to sew? Because those are things I taught myself. Yeah. As a kid, I used to sew up my sneakers, I used to sew everything. So my socks, yes. Uh-huh. I had open open-toed shoes, like you know, uh-huh. I learned to sew them.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:12

I learned I had holes in my socks. I learned to sew them just by hand.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:18

You know, how do you how can you take if you only got so many pairs of jeans, how can you take those pair of jeans and make it seem like it's a different pair of jeans? Right. You can. I've done it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:30

Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah.

unknown 1:01:32

Shh.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:32

That girl, that brought back memories of when I was a kid. And when I say when I say when I was a kid, I use that loosely because I I really I don't remember having a childhood at all. And I and and and the little child, mm-mm, the little childhood that I had, it was brief. It was brief. So I can remember, girl, like not having clothes, not having shoes, and all that. I can't even remember. I didn't even get a bro, but I didn't have no boobs, I think, until I was a teenager, but I can remember um not even having my first bra until I think I was maybe maybe 13. I'm not even sure because we wasn't taught that kind of stuff, you know. We didn't understand that.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:26

No, because and I think it's because our parents came from a different era where it was taboo, it wasn't talked about.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:35

Don't talk about that stuff.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:37

Yeah, because when I got my period, I thought I was dying. I did not know. I was 10. Oh wow. And when I went and ran downstairs to tell my mother that I I'm bleeding, I'm dying, girl. You just got your period. I was like, what? What is that? You know, and and I went to my aunties for the day, and okay, still nobody took the time. And I'm like, oh, okay. So now what does this mean? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:06

You know, all the things, all the things. So I can remember sure. I can remember that too when I first got mine. Uh that wasn't even given a um a pad or anything. I was getting they tissue. And that was crazy. I know we're talking about all the way off the subject, but these are the crazy things that led us into this functional depression and the suicidal ideation stuff.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:36

Because you gotta still you still gotta show up to where you need to. You still gotta show up. Whether you babysitting some kids, whether you cleaning the house, whether you pulling some weeds, whether you cutting some grass, whether you gotta wipe a baseboard down.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:49

But I could go on and on. Girl, oh my goodness. One of these days we are gonna do a podcast on childhood trauma. But I gotta be ready for that myself. I'm pretty I'm pretty much over my past and um the things that I went through as a child. But just to speak of it, sometimes I get pissed because I'm like, well, just be down.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:12

But you know what? You can't be you here's the thing. So I don't get pissed about it anymore because had I not experienced some of the things that I experienced as a kid, I don't think that I would be as strong as I am today.

unknown 1:04:28

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:29

Because sometimes you need those life experiences, not that they're all good, but here I go again, flipping it to a positive, right? So sometimes you need those life experiences to help mold you into the woman that you become today. I'm 58, I think. Yeah, well, I'm gonna be 58, something like that. Uh I'm a very strong woman. Yeah, I'm very strong. I can I can handle a lot of things. Um, I flip when I need to flip, I'm calm when I need to be calm. Um, but these are also life lessons that I can teach the next generation. You can teach the next generation. Exactly. And spend it because if you didn't have it, you wouldn't have a book, you wouldn't have your books that you have. That's right. Right? That's right. You wouldn't be the author that you are if you haven't had these experiences. That's right. So, yes, we're high functioning. We've had suicidal audiations, but we came out of it. Now we want to make sure more people can come out of it so they can be their true selves as well.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:31

So give me some uh give some words, some last minute words that you would want for people to hear, some takeaways.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:43

Don't give up on yourself. Hold yourself accountable for the things that you do um that are not right. Once you hold yourself accountable to the whatever those things are, um, you can flip it and make it something positive because it's something that. You've learned from. And also, you know, just be there for other people. You know, just be a listening ear. Let people vent. Be there just to listen. Sometimes you just gotta listen.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:12

Yes. And I just want to say this too: when it comes to suicidal ideation and people who e are even considering um harming themselves, reach out and if you even tell one person, you can also um call 988, which is a um it's a national number, and you can talk to somebody there too. I just want people to know that there's help out there. You don't have to walk around with all this on you. And I know, listen, I get it, and I get it because I was there. I know. And sometimes people are like, you just need to talk to somebody.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:51

Sometimes you are so broken, but you don't want to talk to somebody, or you don't know how to say, hey, I have this going on, yes, you know, because you don't trust everybody either, exactly, and there's a and and there's still that stigma, you know, people judging you and thinking that you're crazy.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:11

I'm not crazy because I'm depressed, you know. That doesn't mean that you're crazy. I just got a lot going on, and I helped and I don't know. And let me tell you something the shit that we've been through as kids, the shit that we've been through as adults, people there are some people who would have died from it, and there are people who did not make it, okay? So that's the one thing that I always pat myself on the back about is that I woke up the next day. I woke up one more day. Yeah, you made it, you made it out one more day, and that's all you need to do. If you can get to tomorrow, you're good. You know, so that's the one thing I want to leave with people, leave with people. I want you to understand, I don't care who you call, you could pick up the phone and call a random number and say, I am in trouble. And you can worry about the embarrassment later. Yeah. Because I listen, I can remember, honey. See her last time in Ohio, and I put something on social media about me not being okay or whatever, whatever, whatever, or something. And I never forget. One of my relatives called me and was like, you need to take that down. You don't need to be telling people that you're not okay. I'm like, what? Really? So you're not concerned with the fact that I'm not okay. I'm telling you I'm not okay, but what you're concerned with is the fact that I have this on social media. That was me.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:43

That's what it looks like.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:45

Girl, we're trying to tell anybody that was listening, I'm not okay. I need help. Send help.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:56

Send help, send help. Call me, let me bend.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:59

Yeah, I ain't okay, you know. And I thought that's me. We don't have a problem with telling people I'm not okay. I'm yeah, I'm not okay. I'm not about to hide it, I'm not about to fake it, I'm not doing any of that, you know. Yeah, am I um a uh high functioning, functional, depre, depress, depressive?

SPEAKER_02 1:09:19

Yes, yes, ma'am.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:21

I fordo everything, I overachieve that is just who I am. And you know, listen, I was I was wondering, like, is this wrong for me to live this way? Maybe it is to somebody, I don't know, but this is how I function, okay. And I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, I think it's a bad thing when you do not express the fact that I am in trouble and I'm not okay. That's a bad thing, okay. But me working a hundred million hours and having a hundred million projects going on, and that's never gonna change for me.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:56

No, it's not listening you know, it's when the projects go away, it's when your mind is gonna be like, hold on, right, something ain't right, yeah, because that's stuff you need to keep functioning, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:09

And have your therapist on deck, honey. Ain't nothing wrong with having a little therapy. Ain't nothing wrong with having a little therapy. All right, so Vernita, where can everybody find you?

SPEAKER_02 1:10:20

They want to be like, I need some t-shirts, I need some oh simply make customs creations on Instagram. Okay, I'm on Facebook too. That's all. I don't have a website yet.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:31

No worries, find you on me. Well, no, that's I will at some point. Well, let me know because I know somebody does on one pagers and they're really nice. But all right, well, it was so nice having you here. Thank you for sitting down talking to me, and I'm hoping to see you again. I'm sure I will. Yeah, we're gonna have another another conversation.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:54

That'll work, that'll work.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:57

All right, you guys, you guys listen. Like I said, reach out and talk to somebody if you need help. Don't keep trying to walk around carrying all this inside. It is it's just too heavy. If you don't have that one person, I don't care. Just like I said, I got on social media and told people I need help. Okay, so you all know where to find me, Venus Channel on Facebook, Venus Channel on TikTok, the real the real Venus, K111 on Instagram, and y'all can always call me um at uh 330-696-2260. That is my business phone number. And you can also reach out to me on my website, which is kteimpact.org. So I want you all to have the most amazing day. Have the most amazing day, Vernita. I will be chatting with you a little later. And thanks for stopping by the couch.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:56

All right, thank you.