SHE WAS STABBED 18 TIMES... AND LIVED!

Eighteen times.

Let that sink in.

What was supposed to be the end of her story became the beginning of a powerful testimony that is now impacting lives around the world.

On this jaw-dropping episode of Kouch Konversations, host Venus Chandler sits down with survivor, author, advocate, and warrior Adrianne A. Michelle Anderson-Green to discuss the unthinkable.

Previously appearing on the Evelyn Lozada podcast "Drop the Lo" telling her courageous story, we are honored to have her on our podcast to tell the story once more.

How do you survive being stabbed 18 times?

How do you heal from the physical wounds, the emotional scars, and the trauma that follows?

How do you find the strength to trust, love, and live again after someone tried to take your life?

Adrianne takes us beyond the headlines and into the reality of survival, recovery, forgiveness, faith, and resilience.

This isn't just an interview.

This is a masterclass in courage.

A story of a woman who refused to let her pain have the final word.

A story that will leave you speechless, inspired, and deeply grateful for the gift of life.

⚠️ Viewer discretion advised. This episode contains discussions of violence, trauma, and domestic abuse.

🎙️ "Stabbed to Life"
Because sometimes surviving is only the beginning of the story.

Resources: when Georgia smiles app

                     National domestic violence hotline: 800-799-7233

Adrianne's contact information: FB Adrianne A. Michelle Anderson-Green

                                                          IG: amazingadrianne

                                                         Email: adrianne@aol.com

Your healing doesn’t happen in silence; it happens in conversation.

If this episode spoke to you, join us inside the community and continue the dialogue.

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Because here… we don’t just talk about it.
 We do the work.

 💚 Interested in being a guest on Kouch Konversations?
We are always looking for powerful stories of resilience, healing, transformation, and triumph. Reach out to kintsugitransformations@yahoo.com for guest opportunities. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Well, hey guys, hey, welcome back to Couch Conversations, you guys. Oh my God, I got a powerful one for y'all on today. Okay. Now, let me just give my disclaimer because that's what I'm gonna do. Um, this is a really deep, tough topic. Um, it could be triggering, and I just suggest if you're not able to handle that, to just go ahead and bypass this podcast on today. Um, but for you others who feel like you need to hear this, um, stay with us. Uh, Miss Adrienne Green has uh a story to tell. Miss Adrienne, you want to introduce yourself to everybody? Yes. Uh, first I want to say thank you so much for having me. I have been following you for a while, and you just I love everything that you do. You're just a wonderful person, Venus. Thanks for having me. Thank you. You're welcome. So, my name is Adrien. Um, I am a survivor of domestic violence. Um, more so, I am a mom. I am a 38-year county employee. Uh, I grew up in Los Angeles, Carson, to be specific. Love LA. Um my life, I was somewhat a bit insecure, so I have had some rough relationships behind that. Um, but overall, I am um I'm a mom, I'm a grandmother, I'm a daughter, and I try to be the very best I can be at those things. And you're doing an amazing job because you know I follow you too. You know how stalk you girl. Thank you. All right. I always think people get sick of hearing about that, the story, but the minute I stop talking about it, somebody will DM me or inbox me and say, Hey, why don't you talk about the domestic violence no more? And I'm like, you know, I thought I just thought it's an ugly story and it doesn't need to be talked about a lot, but it really does. It's so it does, it hasn't ended, and and until people continue to talk about it. Um, you know, listen, things don't need to be swept under the rug anymore. Okay. And this month, right here, we're talking about no more family secrets. We're not keeping no secrets, especially if it's secrets that is keeping people from becoming healed.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

Now, you guys, listen, Adrienne has a story to tell y'all, and it is about being um going through domestic violence and surviving a horrific attack. She was stabbed 18 times, and this girl, I every time I look at her, I just listen. I hairs standing up on my my arms right now. Adrian, I want to know. Tell us about who was Adrian long before the abuse, long before that. Okay. So, as I mentioned in when you first asked me to say a little about myself, I really have suffered for a long time with with uh insecurities, not feeling like I was enough. You know what I mean? So I think I made poor decisions based on that because I didn't feel like I was cute enough, or I was too fat, or I was too skinny, whatever the situation was at the time. And I did struggle with my weight for a long time. Um, my my uh I developed very early, so that brought along up some not the greatest attention all the time. Um, so I was a I was a young girl who bottled up everything, kept everything inside. So when you speak of those secrets, I definitely had them and I did not feel I had anybody to talk to about them. And I think that is what catapulted me into constantly choosing the wrong people because the minute somebody showed me just a little bit of attention, a little bit of love, I was in. That bad yeah, clinging. Yeah, what were some of your dreams and your some some of your goals and aspirations that you had even way back then? Yeah, even when you had these insecurities, yes, even with my insecurities, I think and that probably what it came from. I had always much like you, I wanted to be a nurse. I wanted to help people at their worst, you know, when they're feeling the the worst that they were feeling, that I could bring some comfort to them. So yeah, I I always wanted to be a nurse, uh, never got a chance to do that. I started having kids early. Yes. Uh, my first at 17. So I was a teen mom, and of course, that just knocked all my goals and aspirations right out the window. Now I could have picked it up later on, but then by then I was already in those bad relationships, you know? Wow, wow, that's crazy. That I mean, that's crazy, and I I can relate. I mean, because I was that girl who was so insecure, and I grew up in the you know, I grew up in the in the system and everything, and um uh there's a lot of abuse that I that I endured. So when that man came along, my my kids dad, honey, he was the star of the wrestling team, honey. Oh, geez. And um when he told me all that good stuff, okay, he was like, all right. So um, so before the abuse, how did you really view the world? Um, you know, it was it was it was rough for me to uh I I thought that everybody was always uh had an ulterior motive, like they had something that they wanted. Um it wasn't always good. I grew up with with a dad who intended, he knew that I was probably dealing with some insecurities, but so his answer to everything was fight. You know what I mean? If somebody can your face, you fight, you fight. So I grew up a lot already on the defense, you know what I mean? Always thinking somebody's out to get me, and because of that, I better fight. And my dad wasn't kind of dad. I don't know how if it's a lot of uh us that grew up this way, but um, if if he found out I got beat up or I'll you better go kick the ass tomorrow. You know what I mean? It was like one of those kind of things. Yeah, he insisted that I protect myself, and I don't know if that's because he grew up in Watts, and it was a lot of he had to defend himself a lot, so he did not want his little girl to get caught up in uh anything where she was being hurt. But I think what that did for me is it taught me something a little bit different. Not that he intended to make me this fighter, but I think a part of that made me almost feel like fighting was okay, you know what I mean? Even in a relationship, you know what I mean? I think part of that made me feel like okay, sometimes you gonna you might get popped, but you just make sure you pop them back, you know. So you're in a relationship, really exactly, even though I didn't witness any domestic violence in my home. Matter of fact, yeah, my mother and father was so lovey dovey, it was like, you know what I mean. But um, so I never witnessed, but yeah, exactly. But I think he knew based on how my development was, he wanted to make sure don't you let nobody touch you. And if somebody do and you don't tell me, I'ma get you. And it was just yeah, his intentions were for me to be protected, but it went about it the wrong the only way he knew how, you know what I mean. So so what the how did you end up meeting your abuser, though? Oh my god. Okay, so first of all, let me be real honest. My first my baby's my children's father was also abusive, and he, although I never saw abuse when I was growing up, he did, you know what I mean? And then when I got with my next in my next relationship, um the way I met him, I was at 24-hour fitness, and I should have known because the very first day I seen him, he was causing a bunch of chaos and drama inside the gym. This was a particular gym in Lancaster where at that time it was a it was smaller, so you only had each person was supposed to be courteous and give 20 minutes on each equipment. Well, he's over there running on the treadmill like a mad mad person for like 45 minutes, and people was pissed off. So I'm like, but damn, you know what I mean? He was cut up, he had these tattoos, he had his six pack. I'm like, why is everybody looking over there? And I'm like, oh my god, he's over there causing a bunch of commotion. Yeah, and that should have been the first red flag. Instead, it was I was at this point in my life where I was going to the gym every other day. And okay, now because I done seen him, I'm going every day. And uh, you know, and it was funny because he walked past me. This is right after he was on the treadmill acting a fool. He walks past me and he and I'm looking, but then he backed up to like look at me again. He said, Hey, you know that workout you're doing right now, you shouldn't even be doing that. You need to cut some more weight first. Now, any other time I'd be totally offended. Like, is this calling me fat? You know what I mean? But I was like, just right then and then there, it seemed like he just captured me, like everything. I was just like in awe. Yeah, it was crazy. Yeah, that's how I met him in 24 hour business. Yeah, so so how okay, so how long did you guys like date before you moved in? Or okay, so when when um okay, now keep in mind he was. I don't know if I've ever shared this with you, or even if you read that part of the book, but he was Muslim, so I was captivated by the way that he took, he was very disciplined. I don't care what time it was what we were doing, he took the time to do his five prayers every day. He would stop and pray and all this kind of stuff. And um I I kind of watched that. He would every time he invited me over, he didn't try anything. He just was like, you know, he would kiss me or whatever, but he never tried anything more than that. And I was like taken aback by that because most of the time when I got with somebody, that that was the first thing they wanted to do was get intimate, right? And he just waited and he just, you know, he he cooked dinner. Well, he made dinner, he um all of these things, and I think it was for about a good four or five months. Now, keep in mind I had just got out that other relationship, yeah. Not very, it wasn't that long before I jumped into this, and I was just taken back. And I think it is much like when you on a diet and you go to the grocery store and you get a whole bunch of stuff that you don't need. I tell people all the time, don't go to the gym when you ain't, you know what I'm saying? You ain't got to get you now, you might pick up any old thing, but that's kind of what it was. I kind of rushed into it, and before I know it, we had moved into we were talking about moving in together and all of that, and that is when everything changed. Yeah. Wow. So that's what I was gonna ask you. So you guys move in together and everything, everything is perfect at first. How long was it before the abuse started? So I noticed right away some controlling behaviors, and I just kind of complied with it, thinking that I was being obedient to my to my guy because he's he's Muslim and he said, Hey, you know, I know I met you and you were wearing this and that, but I would really prefer that you wear this. You know, and then it went from skirts below my knee to skirts all the way down to my feet. Uh then it was even was worse than that. My mom, I know my parents thought I was I started wearing heat baths where I was wrapping my head and everything. Yes, ma'am, yes, ma'am. That's why I tell uh young ladies a lot of times it's almost like mind control after a while. It and it happened so gradually, before you know it, you have changed completely. Jesus. Right. And so one particular the first time, I don't know what I did that got him to where he started yelling at me and cussing me out, and he called me a bitch. Oh, and I said, because the way I told you I grew up, you know, you you hit I'ma I'ma come back hard. So I said, Your mama's a bitch. Whoa, that was it. The next thing I know, I saw I saw stars like in a cartoon where I was laying on my back looking in the ceiling, and there was just I was dizzy. I lost my equal. He had hit me so hard for me saying that. And I was like, I I was, you know, like, oh my god, did he just hit me? It like didn't even seem real. And yep, he had hit me. Then later on, of course, he apologized. I don't, you don't, don't make me do that. You don't talk like that. You don't you're not supposed to talk like that, you know what I mean? And so I'm like, I'm sorry. Yes, wow. So so would you say that you this is when you know did you notice that this is when the abuse was starting? And when this incident happened, how long was it going, how long was it going on? Oh, okay. So you you you if you're speaking of the abuse, okay. Now I've seen red flags. I saw little stuff that now I identified as red flags. Like he would uh different little things that he would say, like if we didn't say Asalam alaykum, uh or and respond to him, Walaykum Salam, he would get angry. Hey, did you hear what I said? Um, you know, something like that. So I saw little stuff like that, and or little stuff like where he would um he's he was very OCD. If the kitchen wasn't clean perfectly, he would kind of raise his voice or he'd get upset. So I saw those kind of things. But one the first physical abuses when I called his mama a bee. And uh that is when that after that, everything went downhill. He apologized, but after that, it just began to get worse and worse. Like it would be something as simple as me walking with him, um, and he would love to hold my hand. So if my hand got, you know how your hand gets sweaty, and you just want to reach your hand and kind of like you know, get the moisture off. He would get so upset. He said, What you see, and you see some dude over here used to mess with or something, or what's going on? Why you let go of my hand? And I'm like, Oh, I just was because my hand got sweaty. Yeah, or you know, things like that. Um, so it was so gradual, was thinking and it just progressively got worse. Um uh he would uh do things like uh if I didn't wear the right thing, or if he didn't like the way my hair was uh combed, or you know, if it just if it was if it drew any attention, he didn't like it. And one day he literally pulled my hair up at the top and just right in the poop cut a piece of my hair off. He did not want any, he was so extremely obsessive and uh jealous that he did not want anybody looking at me. He got to the point where he sold every car I had, so the only way I could get around was him taking me from place to place. My daughter was starting to get uh really, she's like, you know, she I could tell she wasn't liking him. And you know, um, I would send them over to my mom's house in in LA when they were off track, when they were out of school, they'd go down there and I would always get in their face and I say, Look, you don't talk about what goes on in this house. Oh, wow. I would tell my kids that wow, and I think that is the worst part for me because I made such poor decisions that affected them. You know what I mean? So they were going down to my mom's house, and my mom was like, uh, you know, she could kind of sense something was going on, but they would not, they they held true to what I told them. And they for a month, for yeah actually a couple of years, they did not say anything of what was going on. Yeah, and then finally they couldn't hold it no more when they seen that I was being hurt more and more physically. They wouldn't actually ever witness the fights. He was um shh, I'm on I was about to say respectful enough to not fight me in front of them, but wow, he always did it discreetly enough where it wasn't in front of them. But um, oh, he choked me out till I would pass out. He yeah, one day there's this place here in um in Lancaster's 50th Street East, and it's pretty rural when you're going down there at night, it's pitch black. He literally at gunpoint put me in the car, told me that he was taking me out there, right? And all I had on was a t-shirt, no socks, no shoes, no bra, no panties, just a t-shirt. We drove all the way out there, and out there, just to give you a visual, it's they grow green onions, so it's rows and rows and acres and acres of nothing but green onions. He turned off up into the green onions, kicked me out of the car, and left. I thought he was going to he was gonna kill me out there, to be real honest with you. But he left, and it seemed like he was gone for about an hour. I finally walked to the road, and of course, people are seeing me and they turn, hit their high beams. Like, is that a woman walking on the street or something? You know, and they didn't stop to help me, and you almost can't blame them because, like, who was this psycho clear crazy lady out here, feet muddy and walking, and um they didn't they didn't help me. These and this is just a little bit Venus of the stuff that he tortured me, literally torture me. He had this obsession with guns. Uh, so he had guns. So now keep in mind he's a two-time felon. He I didn't know this until much later that he had already strikes. Yeah. And um, so he had guns all over the house, he had buried guns in the backyard, he had them, you know, on the slant of your house on your roof. He had guns laying there that my neighbors, you know, saw, and I guess they were too afraid to say something, yeah. Yeah, girl, like that just took my whole breath away. Especially the part he took you out to the onion hill. I mean, like, what were you thinking? What were you how did you get out of that predicament? And then here's another thing. How often was the abuse happening? Did it did it come to a point where it was happening every day, every other day, or it got to the point where it was happening almost every at least uh two or three times a week. And this and then and this is what I need to share with why it got so bad. I had never been with anybody that had a drug problem. Now keep in mind when I met him, he was boxing, he had signed a contract with Don King. He was he was um he was doing well. He seemed like uh he was super healthy looking, run every day, just everything. He started working with these concrete guys, uh pouring concrete. And I guess these particular guys, in order to stay up, because they would get up three o'clock in the morning, they would take meth. Oh my god. So, girl, he has started taking meth, and that is when all the torturing and the the I see people walking on the ceiling, and he was just flipping out, he was literally flipping out the drugs that really take a hold on him. I told him, Look, if you get in a program, if you do this, if you do that, I'll I'll help you. But he really, you know, you can do all you want to help somebody, but if they are not ready to help you that's right, that's right. It's it's pointless. And so we went, we went to counseling, he went to counseling, he relapsed, he does all these different things, and he wasn't getting any better. He really wasn't, and I think it was more so because I was trying to force the situation. His parole officer actually came over one day. Once I, you know, once I knew about him being on parole and everything, his parole officer came over one day and he he took he'd had him to go in the house to get some paperwork, whatever. And me, it's just me and him standing out there. He looked over at me and he said, Why you got this nigga around your kids? He said, Why are you even with him? This is he is not why are you with him? Yeah, and I didn't know what to say, I just sat there dumbfounded because at that point I couldn't even realize I didn't even know why I was still with them, other than the fact that I really honestly, Venus. I thought he was gonna change. I thought he would go back to the this sweet person that he was when I met him. He never did, yeah. And that sweet person was nothing but his representative exactly. The real person was the one that you dealt with. The one that so look, I want to give an additional disclaimer because I'm about to go just a little bit deeper, Adrian. You let me know if you get uncomfortable and this isn't good for you. Just let me know. But I just want to give a disclaimer to everybody that we're gonna go a little bit deeper, and this may be triggering. So I'm I'm I'm just a life coach, I am not a therapist. So um, Adrienne, I want to know if you could take us back to that day. Yes, absolutely. And and I and I speak on this so openly and freely and transparently because I know it's gonna help somebody, okay? So the day it happened, the day before, actually, I have to go back just one more day that night, the day before my mother called me. She let my kids come back. This is the day that apparently my kids had finally just told everything, what was going on. Oh wow. And she said, Look here, she said, I'm gonna tell you this. I let them kids come back. They begged me, they insisted on coming back. But I'm gonna tell you, if you don't get my grandkids out of that bullshit. My mother was a Sunday school teacher, she don't cuss, right? So when she said that I knew she meant business. Yeah, she said, if you don't get my grandkids out of that, I'm calling children's services on you. I promise you. And I was like, What? I couldn't believe she was saying that. But to make me know that she was for real, she rattled off the 800 number to me. Oh my! To let me know I am not playing with you. You get my Kids out of that mess. So at that point, and I knew at some point I had to leave him, but I was scared. I was like in crippling fear. At this point, I when he threatened that he was gonna kill me, he was gonna, I knew that he he was capable of it. So that night I told him, I said, Look, in the morning, you gotta go. My mother is, I can't lose my kids behind you. You gotta go. He said, I'm not going no MF and where. I'm not going nowhere. So I said, No, you got to go. So that morning, like I always did, this is gonna sound weird. I fixed him his breakfast. He is so OCD, he had to have three sausage, three eggs, and three whatever. Everything was on threats. Okay. Oh, wow. So I bought him his, yeah. It was a mind thing, girl. So I bought him his breakfast that I normally would bring him in bed. He he ate his breakfast. Next thing I know, he's walking down the stairs to bring his plate and put it in the sink. And I said, Hey, remember what we talked about yesterday? You gotta go. And he looked at me, he said, I he kind of chuckled, I'm not going nowhere. So I picked up the phone pretending I was gonna call 911. So the when he when I hit the when I fake the 911, I was pushing some other's numbers, he looked over at me and he said, like as to say, this she for real. And this is what I have to tell people whenever you're about to leave a domestic violence relationship, that is the worst time. So I did it all wrong. So you have to plan your exit. You can't do it like this. So what he did was at that point, he saw I had called and he grabbed me in my throat. Now keep in mind, I told you it choked me out, I had made me pass out before. So it was like, as crazy as may sound, I had gotten used to that, right? So, but when he when I felt myself about to pass out, I still had the phone in my hand and I called 911 for real. And he heard the lady say, 911, what's your emergency? I um at that point, I thought he was just socking me. I thought he was punching me, but he wasn't just punching me. As I'm trying to get away from him, I got near the refrigerator, I saw blood going onto my refrigerator. He was already stabbing me. He had apparently taken the knife out of his pocket when he heard the lady say 911, what's your emergency? And he just went, he just went crazy, just stabbed, stabbed, stabbed. Uh, and I I guess because my adrenaline, like I said, my adrenaline was going. I didn't even realize I could feel the punches, you know what I mean? Yeah, but I didn't realize he was stabbing me till the blood was going onto the refrigerator. And then, and I said, I screamed to the top of my lungs. My babies was upstairs. I said, Alanya, help me. And they played this video, they played the sound bite in uh court. I could, I didn't even think I could scream at that level. I was screaming to the top of my lungs, and I said, Lanya, help me. And she came trotting down the stairs, she jumped on his back. By this time, he had hit my carotid artery. He had stabbed me in my head, punctured both of my lungs. Um and I felt like I was literally drowning. You know how like my lungs were filling up with my own blood. I felt like I was drowning. But she came down, she jumped on his back, and she said, Let my mama go. You know, and she just she started grabbing him in his face, like to pull his eyeballs out, just like anything she could do, you know, to get him to stop. And he would not, oh well, he finally he, I guess he finally realized he my daughter was on him. So he walked outside. Remember, I told you he was obsessed with guns. He had a truck that had one of those um, what do you call it, like a toolbox on the box of it? And he always carried a gun in there. So I said, he gonna try to, he's gonna try to kill my kids. And um, oh my gosh. You somebody tried to call in. Can you oh okay, good, good, good. I'm sorry. That's okay. Somebody was trying to call. So um, I ran outside, drugged myself outside because I kept feeling I'm about to pass out. I'm about to pass out. My neighbor was across the street mowing his lawn, and he could kind of see the commotion. He turned his lawn off and I said, Help me. And I fell in the grass, and I remember looking at the sun was beaming on me. And I passed out, and I didn't remember anything for a little while. And I would come in and out, in and out. And um, they had to the now keep in mind, my phone was still on 911. My daughter was talking to the lady from 911 from there. A taxi cab lady had pulled up and she was on 911. Uh, and then my neighbor across the street also was, and they were all trying to tell them ways to try to help me, you know, hold the wound, keep her, you know, where she's not bleeding out so much or whatever. Uh, I just remember hearing that from time from time to time, but I kept passing out. He had taken the knife, went over to the neighbor's house, rinsed it off, and sat on the curb and just waited for the police.

SPEAKER_01 26:54

Really?

SPEAKER_00 26:55

Yeah, they had to bring a they had to bring a helicopter because at that time in the Ann Love Valley, we didn't have a very good trauma center.

SPEAKER_01 27:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:02

Uh, and they knew that I would not survive if I had one over there, so they airlifted me to Holy Cross in Mission Heels. And um yeah, there uh I was still in and out of conscience. They had to, you know, do those chest tubes. Oh my gosh. Yeah, yeah, they had to do two chest tubes and um try to get the blood and my carotid arteries stop because every time my daughter, bless her heart, she has a picture where she was standing with her arms open because she said, Mama, every time you breathe, that that wound in your neck was just spewing blood. It was crazy. I I uh I think the part that hurts me the most is yeah, my poor decisions affected my kids so bad. I get you, girl. And um it took me a long time, and I know you had asked this question, but since I'm right here, I want to tell it. Um it took me and my daughter a long time to rebuild our relationship because uh she didn't trust me, and I don't blame her. You know what I mean? I was making one bad decision after another behind this fool. You know what I'm saying? Like I was really in in I I would be one of those people that's like, oh, they put they they put this dude this nigga before they kids, and that's exactly what I did, but it was out of survival mode, it wasn't intentionally you know, yeah, and I I they are still today affected by that horrific stuff, you know, and they're two different kids. My son is a little different than but my daughter was hard with it. She was like, you know, she was not having it, she was so mad at me for so long. We are in a better place today, thank God. Not what I would like us to be, but uh we are in a we are in a much better place than we used because she she could go months without talking to me, and um, it was all the result of of that horrible thing. So I tell women all the time if you can't leave for yourself, leave for your babies because they are watching you, they are like sponges, and if you don't want them going through the very thing that you were showing them, yeah, you need to you need to you need to stop, you need to get yeah. I was gonna ask you how have that experience like changed you and your your daughter's relationship because she was the one who saved you, you know, she was the one, and we can only imagine. I you know, like I like say for instance with my kids, I have two kids that I'm estranged from. I have a son that I'm estranged from for 10 years, and then one that's gone on a year. And although I get it that I've sent them through some hell over the years, okay. Um, just poor choices and men, you know, but the thing is, is that the one thing that I've tried to help my kids to understand about me is where I've come, where I come from, you know. Um, but that's the only thing that I can say. The traumas that I went through as a child affect me as an adult, the decisions I made, and it started affecting my children, you know. Am I angry that I'm estranged from my children? At first I was, you know, but I get it, I get it. I I really get it. However, um, it did come to a point where okay, enough is enough. You know, I'm not gonna allow you to disrespect me and treat me. I can understand if I was the same person, I'm a totally different person now. So that's I was gonna ask you too. When you when you woke up, when you finally woke up, what was the first thing that came to your mind? Unbelievable. I couldn't believe it. I knew he had threatened to kill me before, and he said that I meant if you ever try to leave me, I'll kill your whole family, I'll kill you, I'll kill your kids, whatever. I never I know he was capable, excuse me, of hurting me, but I had no idea. And I remember laying in a room that they outside of the room they had security. Um and just laying there like I couldn't believe I was that it had happened. I knew he was uh had a mental health issue. I knew he was on drugs, but to the point where he could cause that much mess to me personally. And that's just it. That's just it. We under, we understand I always believe when a man says, I'ma kill you. Oh yeah. I I'm not doubting that. I'm not doubting that. I went through the same thing with my kids' father. He choked me to I I know I had to have stop breathing. I remember I urinated all over myself. And I mean, it was just it was such a horrible feeling. Like I can't even explain it. You know, but he used to always tell me that um, especially like if he if I always threatened to leave him, which was the wrong thing to do, um, you know, he was like, You're not taking my kids. Right. You know, you ever try to take my you ever try to take my kids, and I'm gonna kill you. And I remember on this one particular day, and this was actually the last time we were ever together, um, and I, you know, I'm like, yeah, I'm leaving because this that we were sitting at the the end of a waterbed, a big old king size waterbed, and I and he said, I forget what he said to me, but I said, I just don't care anymore. Before I got that out of my mouth, he had hit me so hard. I slid up the uh, and I was little back then, I was only probably a little over a hundred pounds. I slid up that waterbed and went up under the headboard. He got up, came up there where I was, and choked me until I I don't even know. All I remember is when I woke up, a neighbor from upstairs had me and we were running. That's all I can remember. But girl, listen, um crazy. A lot of people, yeah, a lot of people struggle um with guilt and shame. How did you and how did you did you struggle with anything? Oh my god, yes, I did. Guilt, shame, embarrassment. I was so embarrassed. I'm gonna tell you one of the reasons I and this sounds so crazy. I was embarrassed, and I think that I held in much longer than I was supposed to because I kept thinking people gonna say things, she can't keep a dude for nothing. Whoa, she can't keep dude for nothing, so it gotta be her. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I would think stuff like that. I would think people gonna think I'm crazy. Um, all kinds of things would go through my head. And when my cousin, who had wrote a book, she said, Adrian, somebody is gonna benefit from that story. Or um, she said, You you should really share it. And another lady I used to work with, they used to tell me that all the time. It's it's healing and sharing. And I'm like, uh-uh, I'm gonna be too embarrassed. I'm too and I'm telling you, like I said, the minute I started sharing it, it just it's like something lifted up off of me. And now I feel like I cannot. I feel like God left me here for that purpose to turn my message to a message to take my my my ugliness to that story and to throw it out there. Because if I have to be the poster child of what not to do, let me be that. Because this is not the way you want to do it. The way I did it was all wrong. Yeah, yeah. There are resources available, there are things available to get help. There are shelters, and and I know a lot of people are under the impression shelters look like shelters. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, they don't. There are some that are very accommodating for you and your children. They're yeah, they're out there, and if you plan properly, you can safely leave these nasty relationships because otherwise, like so many women that end up dying behind this. I I I could have very well been one of those that lost their life to it, you know. Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. How long did it take you before you started sharing your story? Uh it took maybe maybe about four, three or four years. Really? Yes. Now I told you know, people who knew about what had happened, I think because I didn't want to put shame on my family because it was gonna it was gonna bring out stuff that I had never told, you know what I mean. I thought that they would have a horrible mother, um, you know, children's services. He actually opened up a case on me because they said, if you can't take care of yourself, how do you take care of this? Yeah, so yeah, and it made sense then. At first, I was like, totally, what do you mean you're gonna take my kids from me? I'll take my son to get a haircut every week. He dressed good, he got on Jordan's doesn't mean so that don't mean nothing, bro. Yeah, that don't mean to trauma, right? Shoot danger, danger, exactly. Danger, danger. Do you say do you think that you had the um the information that you needed at that time when you was going through this? Did you did you understand there was help out there? I had heard, and I think much like I just described, my mind went to if we go to a shelter, we're gonna be in this little ran down place. I'm gonna have to keep probably have to hurt somebody for doing something to my kids or something like that. That was what was in my mind. You know what I mean? I'm gonna catch a case anyway. So, but um I I'm gonna tell you one of the things I did where I feel like LA County Sheriff Department failed me. And I actually, at this time, I remember, I know you probably heard of it, it's called the We Tip Hotline. It was LA County had this thing that you could anonymously call and report uh you know different things that were going on. Well, I call myself trying to hey give a heads up. Look, I live with this guy. I mean, they played it in court, so they know it happened. They played it in court. I said, I live, I'm living with this man who was threatening to kill me, who has said he's gonna do this, that, and the other. Yeah, every day I'm looking out the window. Maybe somebody's gonna show up and come and save me. No happened. No, no, LA County do not care. I can tell you that from a personal experience I've had with them where I had to go beg for help. So a girl, this is that's why that's why it's up to women like us who have survived this time to have resources. So I keep camps and resources in my car, I keep numbers in my phone when I run across somebody that's going through something, or like even with me, because I do share the story so often, people will dm me in a heartbeat and say, Hey, look, I got a sister. Do you think you could talk to her? And I do, and then I have to let them know hey, you can talk to a person, but until they ready, that's it, they ain't gonna do they ain't gonna make no moves. So I don't care how ugly of this story I could share with them. Sometimes they feel like, well, that ain't my dude, he ain't gonna do that. You know what I mean? Uh uh he's not capable of that, exactly. Yeah, and that'll never happen. Yeah, how long did it take you from going from survivor to advocacy? Oh, okay. So this is my passion right here. I loved it. Yeah, the minute I sat at a table with 30 young ladies sharing my story in a DV class and the tears that wrote, and I was for the first time keeping it completely 100, did I realize the change that I could make by sharing this little ugly story? Absolutely, you know, not till then when they were in tears and they said, Oh my god, I went through the same thing, or I that's what happened to me, or when I was a kid, I felt so insecure that I just start to, you know, until I saw that there was a commonality, like we shared something, it made me realize that God had this purpose for me to stay around here, yeah, to be able to share, to advocate, to do whatever. So, of course, you know, I do DV classes, I do anger management, parenting, everything, so these girls can try to get back. Because a lot of people don't realize a lot of people lose their kids to the system because of domestic violence. Better say I've had girls that'll go as far as they know good and darn well, yeah, they're not supposed to go visit their abuser when they're trying to get their kids back. But I would be advocating for them and go to court. I'd be there at court, buddy. We get in court, sure enough, judge will say, Hey, can you bring up the so-and-so went and visit uh the visit list? She went and saw this man, and then I added six more months onto her kids being in foster care. So it's they manipulate so crazy. I know, you know. What's the crazy part? Look, what's the crazy part about is I say I don't understand it, but I understand it. Yes, the mentality of these women. It's one of the reasons why I became a life coach because I was like, listen, I don't want to see another woman have to live their life the way that I did. Right. Exactly. Listen, I walk the path for you, don't even trip. I survived you. Let me help you out. But here's the problem, Adrien, and I do not understand, and it's usually women of color. I'm sorry, y'all. I hope y'all don't get mad at me, but this is not a lie. I it's it's like um when you are trying to help these women, it is like pulling teeth. It's like I can't fight against you. It's one of the reasons why I quit doing one-on-ones. I can't do a one-on-one with you because you drain me.

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SPEAKER_00 41:05

You just you just refuse to do anything different, and that's just one thing you just said. Like, listen, I could tell you all day long about this little ugly story. Exactly. You know, but it is up to you to do the work. And one of the things that I'm understanding is that listen, the work is hard, girl. And it's hard because we get so comfortable with things, we get comfortable with our dude, we get comfortable with our group of friends, we get comfortable with getting up going to the club on Saturdays. We, you know, we we we stay in this comfort zone and we don't want that to change because that's comfortable over there. Yeah, you know, liking it. You start you learn to function and dysfunction. Absolutely, it is and you learn to, and it's it's so crazy because Venus, I swear, it took my mindset to change a long time to change because when I did get in a halfway healthy relationship, I was so used to BS and drama that I almost would stir it up intentionally. Like this is a punk, he don't want to, he don't want to argue, he don't want to fight. It it's so crazy. You have to really work on healing your mind because you keep picking the same old yes, ma'am, or you get used to uncomfortable with the same mess, yes, that it don't even seem right to be in a peaceful relationship because we know what to expect over there. We already know that's okay. But over here, because listen, my husband, I'm gonna tell you that's an amazing man. I'm gonna just tell now me and my husband, one day we're gonna do a podcast on how we girl, we have almost a 40-year history, so but this man is amazing, he has changed like oh my god, he's a totally different person. But if it was not for him, that's a runner. I'm runner, okay. I'm gonna cut you out and a runner, okay? So through these three years, he has taught me so much, and now, like you know, we we get on each other's nerves, and before I he get on my nerves, and I'd be like, I'm going back to California, you know, right? But now it's like, yeah, I'm over that though. But now it's like he has taught me that I could be mad, you can be mad, you know, but there's a way to handle this. Exactly. We don't scream and holler, cuss, fuss, we don't disrespect each other, none of that. If I'm upset and don't want to talk, he gives me my space, and vice versa. Right, you know, but healthy is so crazy. You know, I wanted to ask you this too. I I heard, I think it was the like last week, I can't remember, you were talking about your scars. Mm-hmm. I'm glad you brought that up. Yeah, I'm so glad. So here's the thing you know, like you were talking about, I think one of my questions, because you gave me some pre questions, kind of like to be prepared. One of the things that you had said was um what emotionally was It more were it was it easier to heal emotionally or physically? I forget how you word it, but yeah, I will say this emotionally, it is it is difficult. And I'm gonna share something real quick that was is so crazy. When my abuser was on meth, there was a smell that came from his body that made me know that he'd been on meth. And it smelled like when you boil weenies in a pot in the water. I don't know if you can even relate to that smell, but that's what it reminded me of. So whenever he smelled like boiled weenies, that would trigger something. So even if I smell that today, triggers an emotion in me. It makes me feel like, oh god, somebody around here got is on meth. Or it would bring a memory of when he would be high and torture the heck out of me. Because there's some stuff I probably can't share on the podcast that would happen when he was high, yeah, that um is just uh grooming. Yeah, yeah. But physically, every now I'm very uh experiencing a lot of the physical stuff that came from it. Like I told you, he got me in my head two times. He stabbed me in my head. So I have a keloid that formed there, and so I have no hair that grows in that spot. I also have tremors, so but because they getting hit in the head, there one of my this right side of my body has this thing where I kind of shake. Like some people get it when they get older, but I now have these tremors. Yeah, the other thing is with keloids, every scar on my body where he stabbed me turned into a keloid, and I have one particular one that for whatever reason, even after all these years, it pops back back up, and they have to go in there and try to either laser it or um they inject it with this stuff to make it flat. Yeah, but it's it still keeps coming up, so it's like one of those things that's almost like I know God don't want me to remember that or constantly remind me of that horrific stuff, but I think it's sometimes a reminder just to continue to to tell the story, right? Um and how long the process of healing is, you know what I mean, and how we have lasting effects from the this type of these type of relationships that will hurt you forever, if not just the fact that your relationship with your kids is jacked up, but your body, your body does does not, God did not make you to take punches or to cut you in places. Um so that physical part of healing also still, even after all these years, I'm still having issues with the physical part as well. Are you ashamed to show your your scars? Not as much as I used to, because when they first when they first were there, like I said, they turn into keyloids, I got these big old lumps and bumps and jumps. Today the back part is real flat, so I don't I don't care. I used to like if I was in a situation and I be, you know, uh I would be a little bit ashamed. But now I'm I I take it as hey, it is who I am. If nothing else, the stars are saying, Hey, you survived something. That's right, that's right. That's right. Be proud of every 18 of them. Exactly. Name them if you have to, okay. Put a name on them. So, what does relationship look like for you now? Like, you know, after all of this, and and and okay, so here's this broken girl who done been through a whole lot, right? And uh, there's a part of me that um very cautious, yeah, gate up, you know, uh man, uh it's hard. And I feel sorry for people when they try to I do because they mean well and they want to be that person, but there's something in the back of my head that just constantly brings back things, and it um, you know, I thought I was in a healthy relationship for a while, and I'm I my cutoff game is quick, you know. So if you show me some, I'm like come on somewhere, come on, you know, so uh and I know it all stems from that. Where before I would just I didn't have healthy boundaries, but I'm working on it. I'm working on it. I miss I miss having um I miss having somebody consistently how how what about what about like faith and um um therapy or anything like does that play into your healing process? And I'm glad you brought that up too, because therapy, you know, us, our culture, our black folks, we don't like to tell our business, okay? We do not, and I and I was one of them. I told people all this stuff, but the best thing that ever happened to me was therapy, the best thing, and I'm still even to this day, I still go every other week. Yeah, my therapists. Now I'm gonna be honest, I went through a couple therapists that my story was just a little bit too heavy for them. My word, yeah, they were crying in the in the sessions more than I was, so it was like um it was too heavy. And some of them one of one in particular, she said, I can't do this. I think it it triggered her in some kind of way. She said it brought back memories first, but she was honest enough, and we cool to this day. She could she could not do it, she could not do it, so yeah, therapy is good, and I I I definitely suggest therapy to people, yeah, or a life coach, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. So let's shift just a little bit here because I want women who are in this predicament to understand some things. So, what would you say some of the warning signs are? Some of the early on warning signs, because these are some of the signs we actually miss. Absolutely. The red the red flags were missed, or I minimized them, I made light of it. But what I have to say is the yes, the controlling behaviors, uh the love bombing, like if they say they love you too quick too soon, you don't even know me. You know what I'm saying? That kind of stuff is a red flag. Um the you know, you have to listen to the stuff that that we like. I I was he oh, he really liked me with the holding other hands and calling me 15, 20 times a day. I thought, okay, he loved me. No, that's controlling behavior, honey. Yeah, that is controlling. He don't nobody need to be calling you 15, 20 times a day. He knows you you you at work. Exactly. So those type of things, if he don't have enough self-control to say, hey, you know, I like her, she's cool. I'll I'll wait and talk to her when she gets off of work. I mean, that that says something, and that that might not seem like a lot, but that is that is a pattern for controlling behavior and wanting to know your every move, in my opinion. Yeah, because you really what you're really doing is trying to see where I'm at. You calling and you listening to the background, you just oh who's that? Or who was that? You know what I'm saying? So it's a lot of red flags that we miss that in the beginning we think is cute, yeah. Or um, you know, and and it's not really cute at all. It's really uh uh a red flag, much like the red flag they stick in the ground, because you know, I work for public works, they stick in the ground relationship. Hey, don't dig right here because it's a it's a gas line right here. The red flag that we talk about is the same thing in a relationship. Don't go there because it has the potential to be hazardous to your health. Yeah, yeah. Your book, um stabbed to life. Why that why that title? Why that title? That's the title. Let me see that. Let me see that again, girl. My god, can you see it? Uh oh. It's a little bird. Yeah, yeah. Why why that title, Adrian? The title, because I kind of was a play on stabbed to death. Instead, I was stabbed to life. Yes, and what it did for me, and my cousin actually is the one who can we kind of played around with different titles, and she's like, What you think about that? And I said, Oh my god, that's it. Stabbed to life. Because I'm gonna be honest, Venus. Before I was very uh a shy person, I was um one that I what I do now out here in this um world of healing and and helping people, uh, I never thought I could do that. That yeah took me to a whole different place. Not that I'm proud of, not that I'm happy that I got stabbed or anything, but that whole incident put me in a place where I am where I am now, and that is helping people. There is nothing that um if I if somebody calls on me to be there to share, to help, to give advice, resources, whatever, that is what I do, and that's why I say stab to life because my life began instead of ending at the stab, it began, you know. Yeah, yeah, I love it. So for somebody that is listening, and I'm sure there's there's gonna be somebody who is going through this. What would you want them to hear from your heart? From my heart, more than anything, know that you are enough. Love yourself enough to when you see these signs that we just talked about, the red flags that are there, make plans to exit a situation safely. Maybe when he's going to work. If you have to reach out to other people, you know, have you a circle of friends that you can count on? You know, I had a some friends that ooh, they love me to death, and I love them to death right now. They I had told them a couple weeks before, I said, look, if I don't show up to work, y'all come see about me because I think he's gonna hurt me. And they always tell me on August 30th, I always say 8:30, 8:30, August 30 at 8:30, they um saw I hadn't come to work. They got in a car, came to my house, which is probably about five minutes away from my job. They said they hit the corner and my whole house was yellow taped off. And um they uh they came to my rescue. So it's good to have, you know, I never told them the full story about what was going on, but it's good to have somebody that you can trust that knows what's happening, that knows what's going on. There's also an app on on uh, you know, that they have that on uh I'm still there. Okay, that there's an app, um, and it's called When Georgia Smiles, and it's a little app that you can download and put it on your phone. It actually is Dr. Phil's wife. Dr. Phil's wife is an advocate. She's an advocate. I'll make sure I include this. Uh-huh. Yeah, and and and and now I'm just speaking on the app because I know Dr. Phil does some stuff I ain't too pleased with right now. But anyway, his wife, his wife, um she is really an advocate for women and domestic violence because she watched her mom go through it, and that that app has this little icon on it. It does, it looks it doesn't even look like it's a domestic violence icon, but you press that, and what it does is it calls three people uh that's that's connected to it along with the police, and it starts recording. So you push it, you lay that phone down, and it what it does is it start it it plays so that you can get help without having to directly call on somebody. You just push it. The three people you have um saved in there are called along with the police, and your phone begins to record. So those are some things that they can do to be safe. Uh reach out for help, don't be ashamed. Um, if you need me uh pardon me. What about a phone number? Um, you know what? The only number that I would uh suggest is the domestic violence hot, the national domestic violence hotline, which I don't have on me at the moment. I just know about yeah, the national domestic violence hotline. Now that is a a line that will, if you are ready to really go, they will get you up out. I mean, literally up out, like even to another state if necessary. Victims of crime, LA County victims of crime um was very helpful in my situation. After I got home and situated, they sent somebody because my house did not get cleaned thoroughly. So there was remnants of that incident in the house when we came home. So they will send somebody out there to clean that house thoroughly, they will help you move, they will pay first and last month's rent, they will get you in a and and they will it's help out there. Trust me, ladies. There is help. And if you ever need resources, find me on any of my social media sites, DM me, and I will shoot you any resource I can. I have tons of them. You go ahead and tell them what those uh and I'm gonna make sure that I put your links in there as well. Yes, yes, please do. Yeah, okay. I have I have some type of resource for just about everything. So get at me. So on Facebook, on Facebook, where do they find you? Um, it's under my Adrian Green. I know the name on there is long, but if they just put Adrian Green, it'll pop up. Uh on Instagram, it's amazingly Adrian. Um even they can email me. My I have an old school email. It's just my name, Adrian Green at Aol.com. Aol. Adrian Green at Aol.com. Green. At Aol. A O L dot com. Okay. Okay. I got just a couple more questions for you. I'm gonna let you go, girl. I think it's so hard because I'm it's like, because it's just a plethora of information that you give and and it's helping people to see that she went through it. I can I can get through this. I can make this because there are women out there, it's like, I don't want to be in this situation, and you know, how do I leave? And you you you're you're giving the information. Yeah, what do you suggest to a woman that is in this position right now and she is ready to go? She's ready to go. How does she exit this situation? Okay, first and foremost, like I said, have you at least one person that you can confide in and tell what's going on, okay? Gather all of your important documents and have them ready to go. Whether it's when he goes to work or she goes to work, I have to make sure I specify it because it, you know, those uh relationships out there, domestic violence is in every kind of relationship you can imagine. But um, make sure you have all your important documents, all your children's stuff, shot records, everything. And the minute you can make your exit, uh, and you can go to that friend, or if you need to go to a shelter, when I tell you these shelters, there is a shelter out there that's ran by Halle Berry. Uh-huh. And um, I God, what is the name of it? Um, I'll I'll get that information to you. But there's plenty, plenty of shelters that will help you and they will allow you transitional housing. Like you will literally stay until you're on your feet and they they will help you get out. While you're there, you'll seek all kinds of counseling, you will get into classes and things of that nature. Um, I know a lot of women are often afraid because they don't want to lose their kids in in situations like this, but there are ways in which you can um that the help is it's available, it's available, and whatever else, like I said, if I if I haven't shared everything with you now, yeah, please call me. I I emphasize that. Contact me. Yeah. Um, so after they get out and everything, how do they start to heal from from these traumas, especially when these wounds like you have visible wounds? What about those wounds that's not visible? How do they because mental, I'm telling you, that mental is something else. It really is. How do you start to heal from that? Um, I think the mental part is like I suggested one thing is therapy. Get yourself even in a group setting, like if you have to, much like you know, my mom when she when my dad passed away, she had to get into bereavement counseling. There are groups that you when you sit amongst those groups and it's some uh people that are dealing with stuff that you can relate to, it is very helpful in your healing process to be able to uh have those conversations with other people. Because honestly, Venus, the the mental part is is the hardest part. You know what I mean? Because those memories are there, that stuff is there, and then I'll be honest, you go through a part where you on you you miss that person, at least the person he was when you first met him. And as sick and crazy as it sounds, you honestly go to through a part where you're missing them, and that's what most women get caught up where they go back. And I think the statistics are seven to eight times that most women end up going back to their abusers because we get caught up, and then that whole little Stockholm syndrome thing, we start protecting them. You know what I mean? Yeah, I was at the speaking of nurses, sweet nurse. We went in and he had busted my forehead open, had to have 14 stitches in my forehead, and uh she said he walked out of the room to go get some other vendor machine. She he goes, she says, Uh, did he do this to you? I went off on the lady. She was there trying to help me. Oh, wow. And I'm up here protecting him. I said, I told you what happened. I ran into my dresser, I turned the corner, I hit my head. Just just sick with it. You know what I mean? And it was just that I was in a bad, bad place of protecting this person that is harming me. And trust me, ladies, that your children are like sponges, they are watching this. And if you don't want them being going through the same place, don't expose them to this bullshit, this mess. Don't that's right, that's right. Girl, this is deep. So, Adrienne, we could go for days talking about this stuff, girl. So looking at your life today, what what would you say that you're most proud of as a woman? Not as a survivor, but as a woman. As a woman, that I have shown people that I'm resilient, that I have conquered a lot of things other than just domestic violence. That um through these breakups, because uh, you know, suddenly single, we talked about that. I've had some breakups that have almost sent me through a whirl spin. It's just been crazy. But I think I, if nothing else, God has made me this strong person that I'm a hustler, I'm a grinder, I don't let nothing stop me at all. You know, I've been on this little county job for 38 years, but I am preparing for retirement right now. Thank you, God. And what God has put on me is this I have I am a workhorse girl, it and especially if it involves helping people, I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna get it done and I'm gonna make it happen. And I know I learned that good work ethic from my mom and my daddy, but okay, trust me, that is the part of me that I'm so so most proud of is that I don't stop and I'm not gonna stop. Can't stop, won't stop. Can't pull. Okay. So if your story could leave one message behind to future generations, women and girls, what would that what would that be? I think the biggest thing is healthy boundaries. Love yourself enough to say no. You don't need an explanation. You done already showed me who you are. I am done. I think it's uh I forget the the poet. Uh, you know, um she said it best. When you when a person shows you who they are the first time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um Maya Angelou. Maya Angelou. When a person shows you who they are the first time, believe it. You can't fix nobody, you can't change nobody, you can't make them do nothing no different. That's right. Showing you who they are, yeah, leave them where they're at. Period. You can't fix them. No, I remember my daughter, my daughter told me this. It always rang in the back of my mind. And this is my little the my little baby, she's 37, 38, something like that. But that's my baby. She said, Mom, why do you always make everybody else's problems your problems? No, yes. But she said that. I know, but it's so true. But it but I always think about that every time somebody comes to me with their issues. Think about it, Venus, because I was that one. Give you ten dollars. Oh, don't worry, I'll help you pay your bill. Oh, don't worry, you know. Well, me too. I can have $50 and somebody asked me for $45. And if I'm getting paid in two days, okay, go ahead. You know what I'm saying? Not no money. No, no, no, honey. And that's there, you're right. When somebody shows you who they are, you better believe them. And when they tell you exactly, when they tell you, you you're you will tell you exactly who they are. Yeah, I ain't gonna argue with you. That's what you said you are. But see, in the back of the day, with my unhealthiness, I'll be like, oh no, I can help you get better. Yeah, I'll let you okay. So here's my last question. You survived being stabbed 18 times. So looking back now, what do you believe that life was trying to t tell you or trying to show you? I think life was trying to show me that a couple of things actually that my my children needed a mama. They needed a strong mama to protect them, and although I thought that I was protecting them, I was. Not protecting them fully. And I think as a I think parenting, the first most important thing of parenting is protection and protecting your children. And I failed in that area. I've made up for it in some ways, and I'm and things are getting better. But um I think life has tried to show me a many a things, and that's um what to put first in my life, my prioritizing of things and people, things and people. You know what I'm saying? Because I have put people in the wrong order. Yes. I have been A, B, and C when they should have been back down there with X, Y, Z. You know what I'm saying? So I am learning the order that I need to place people in. God has shown me that some people, I and I certainly better not put nobody before Him, but I need to make sure some people uh just don't need to be a part of my life. And that whole thing about reasons and seasons, some people coming to life for a reason and a season, that is so true. So I've taught I've learned that as well. Adrian, where is your abuser today? Funny you ask. On January the 24th, I was scrolling through my phone and got a thing from C DRC that said an inmate in Kern County prison has died. He has uh and that was at they sent me he they said he died at 6 45. They sent me the message at 7 15 that he had died in prison. So and I know and and and I'ma share this part. I think I was I my emotions went kind of everywhere when it happened, right? It was a part of me that just wanted to jump for joy. Yeah, God forgive me. Maybe that's not right for me to want to do. But my mother told me, she said this very thing, she said, Don't look at it that you're celebrating death. Look at it that you're celebrating freedom. And that's what that's what it was for me. Because here's the thing he was up for parole in 2028. And just to know that I would have to have dealt with him being out on the streets, you know what I mean? I'd already, you know, I got a CCW, I carry my, you know, I'm strapped all the time. But to now be able to just kind of breathe, yeah, and know that that is at least one thing I don't have to worry about no more. Oh, amen, amen. I'm so proud of you. Thank you. I'm proud of you. It's the cross path. Yes, I just love you. You know I do. Girl, you are doing a wonderful thing. I'm watching you. Um you're mentoring and all of that. You um, yeah, you got a major purpose out there, and um, yeah, we we need that kind of thing. So thank you for letting me come on. Share my little ugly story, and I pray that it helps somebody. And I mean that. Anybody that needs my assistance, please reach out.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:03

All right, Adrian. When I'm gonna let you go, I mean, we can go on talking for hours and hours. Thanks again. I know. I know that there's somebody who is watching this who is going to take this information and run with it. Somebody needs this. And remember, when we don't show up for our purpose, you know, there are women who are dying on our watch. There are people who are dying on our watch. We was assigned this, it was a heavy load that we were assigned. Yes, you know, yes, we didn't survive being stabbed 18 times just to be out here all willy-nilly. Exactly. God allowed you to survive because you are you you are there for those women, for those even men, for people who need to understand this thing about this domestic violence. Exactly. This is not to be taken lightly, and yes, what's so crazy is I'm starting to see it more and more because people are getting because of the economy and all kinds of stuff, people are going mad. So we really have to educate, we really have to educate our daughters, we really have to educate our girls, we have to pour into them. We have we have to um let them know just how beautiful and special they are. There's not a day that goes by that I even my daughter that that meet that we don't speak when we were speaking, there was never never a day that went by that I never told my girls that I love you and you're beautiful, you're special, you know, you're the prize. You know, I've always tried to pour that into them because I didn't think that I was. I was just this little goofy looking girl with two nappy French brays and pimples everywhere, honey. And so, so you know, when when their dad came along, he was just the beginning of my abusers. I had a string of abusers, so and my abuse, I had other types of abuse too, even when I was a little girl, and it and it's so funny how it was almost the norm for me. So, but I am no longer that woman. Okay, so they've been, I guess it twisted. That's right. Okay, all right, honey. I'm gonna let you go. Thank you, thank you, thank you, and thank you, everybody, for tuning in. Make sure y'all download this podcast and go get that book, stab the life. Where did they get that book from? Amazon. Amazon is on Amazon. Look at the reviews, honey. I was surprised. But the day I sat there and just read all the reviews, people really got a lot out of it, and I'm glad because I'm gonna tell you when I very first wrote it, I was I was uh sugarcoating, you know what I mean? I was yeah, getting it all the real. My cousin said, If you don't put you don't put all that stuff in that book, and that's what I did. Thank God. Here it is, yes, what if you wanted to what if they wanted a personal signed copy? They can um reach out to me, DM me, whatever. I'll make sure they get one. Yes, okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:54

Thank you, Venus. Love you, bye bye.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:57

Love you too. Bye.