20. Trust Yourself Again: Perfectionism and Control

In this episode, Jewels explores why ambitious, visionary women struggle to trust themselves, receive support, and move forward with their biggest dreams.

You’ll learn how perfectionism, control, and fear keep you stuck in familiar patterns, why expansion requires co-creation, and how to reclaim trust as an act of self-leadership. If you’re ready to stop waiting for certainty and start embodying the woman your vision requires, this episode is for you.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to the Frequency Led Podcast where your vision becomes your reality. I'm your host, Jules, and I help and I help visionary women expand their vision and elevate their identity so they can experience what they desire in their physical reality today. Because there is no need to wait for some day when life is happening right now. I just came back from Charleston, South Carolina, where I co-hosted a beautiful retreat called Manifest in Motion. What made this experience especially meaningful was that the retreat itself took place inside someone else's vision. My dear friend, client, and the fellow visionary Morgan Hammer, also known as Morgan Manifest, hosted us at her gorgeous retreat home. She lovingly calls Pink Paradise on Parish. But here's the thing. Last year this property was not part of her reality. It was simply a vision. I had the privilege of being what I lovingly call her vision dua, supporting her as she expanded into the woman capable of holding what she desired. And expansion is not always glamorous. Expansion asks you to trust. It asks you to move before you have all the evidence. It asks you to release identities that once kept you safe. It asks you to become. Trust. Women shared things like I don't trust hiring outside help. I don't trust this relationship. And although the statements sound different, underneath them lives the same frequency. Fear. Now, fear itself is not dead. Fear is human. Fear is protective. Psychologically speaking, your brain's primary job is not expansion, it's protection. Your nervous system learns from experience. So, when support disappointed you in the past, when trust was broken, when you failed publicly, when someone let you down, your brain created a prediction. Let's not do that again. The stronger the emotional pain, the stronger the protective pattern becomes, the stronger your resistance to expansion. This is why so many ambitious women tell me I feel stuck. And the energy is never really stuck. Yes, it becomes stagnant. But underneath every stuckness, what I often hear is something much deeper. And that is I don't trust myself to navigate uncertainty. Because if you truly trusted yourself to handle disappointment, rejection, mistakes, or unexpected outcomes, you would move much more freely toward your vision. Let me give you an example. You are ambitious, you are hardworking, you have a beautiful vision. Eventually you realize I need support. Every vision needs support. We cannot do it alone. That's the law of co-creation. So you hire someone. Maybe it's an assistant, a coach, a team member, an editor, a website designer. And what often happens, they disappoint you. They're not as detail-oriented, they're not as fast, they're not as precise, they're not doing it exactly the way you would do it, and immediately your nervous system says, See, nobody does it better than me. I knew it. I cannot trust people, I have to do everything myself. Now, here's what I want you to understand. The problem is not necessarily the person you hired, the problem is that the experience confirmed an identity you were already caring. I'm a perfectionist. I have to be in control. I can only trust myself. These identities once protected you. Maybe being perfect earned you love. Maybe being in control kept you safe. Maybe self-reliance helped you survive difficult seasons of life. So don't judge these parts of yourself. They are part of your whole self. And when you recognize that, you're not going to be operating from your fragmented self that once experienced pain and fear when she received or asked for help. You honor these parts. You let them integrate in your whole self. They got you here. But they cannot take you where your vision is asking you to go. Because expansion requires support. Expansion requires co-creation. Expansion requires access to resources beyond your current self. And when we ask and receive support, we actually tap into infinite abundance that's available to us through others, through other channels. Expansion will inevitably bring you face to face with fear. Your vision will ask you to trust before you feel ready. It will ask you to loosen your grip on control. It will ask you to stop proving and start receiving. This is why healing itself can become another perfectionism trap, and I see that all the time. We begin saying things like, when I'm fully healed, then I will launch my new offer. When I am more confident, then I will speak. When I am more aligned, then I will hire support. When I finally trust myself completely, then I will begin. When I receive that clear clarity or clear download, then I will move forward. Can you hear it? We're still creating conditions. The problem is not that you're not trusting yourself. The problem is that your trust has conditions. And we're still saying, once I'm perfect, then I will allow myself to receive my vision. But your vision is not waiting for a perfect version of you. Your vision is inviting you into a more loving relationship with yourself. Trust is not certainty. Trust is not having all the answers. Trust is not knowing exactly how things will unfold. Trust is saying, I don't know how this is going to go, but I trust myself to navigate whatever happens. I trust myself to ask for help. I trust myself to make adjustments. I trust myself to begin again. I trust myself to not abandon myself. Because this is what fear often does. Fear convinces us to abandon ourselves in order to stay loyal to what's familiar. I'm perfectionist is way more familiar, right? And of course, what feels familiar feels safe. Even when it's exhausting, even when it's limiting, even when it's costing us a vision, we stay in hard work, overfunctioning, perfection, perfectionism, control. Because at least we know who we are there. We are already identified with all of these labels. But your vision is not asking you to become someone else. It's asking you to be more of who you already are, to remove the conditions, to remove love, to trust yourself enough to expand. Because when your system feels safe enough to open, something beautiful happens. You gain access to creativity, resourcefulness, collaboration, co-creation, discernment. You elevate your standards. You stop saying yes to whatever support is available. And that's who you are. Like that's your birthright. Access it. It's available to you. Instead, you ask, what support actually aligns with who I am being to lead my vision into the physical reality? Who do I desire to create alongside? How do I want this experience to feel? What kind of person I want to delegate some of my duties? Now you're taking your power back. You know your power. Because trust does not mean abandoning standards. Trust means honoring your standards without abandoning yourself and your vision. Trust means feeling uncertainty and moving anyway. Trust is not about projecting all your past disappointments and pains on this new experience and potential that is here available to you to help and support you. Otherwise, we become trapped in the cycle of getting ready to get ready, searching for more clarity, chasing more alignment, consuming more information, trying to eliminate the fear before taking action. And although it feels productive for an ambitious woman who knows how to be in motion, but it often leads us right back where we started. Exhausted, overwhelmed, disconnected from ourselves, disconnected from our vision. So today I want to invite you back to love. Do you love yourself enough to stop demanding perfection? Do you love your vision enough to continue choosing it when fear arises? Can you remain devoted to what is asking to emerge through you? Because trust is not something you find. Trust is something you practice, something you're attuned to daily. One imperfect action at a time, one brain brave conversation at a time, one request for support at a time, one decision not to abandon yourself at a time. The question is not do I trust the universe? That's what I hear the most. Oh, I trust the universe. Oh, I trust the process. But you are the universe. You are the process. Do you trust yourself so that the universe can respond to your frequency of trust? Can I trust myself enough to become the woman my vision requires me to be? Because your vision chose you for a reason. And maybe the greatest act of self-leadership is deciding that no matter what happens next, you will not leave yourself behind. You will lead yourself and your vision in love. Trust is not something you earn. Trust is something you remember. Trust is something you are. It's your energetic state of being. And your past does not have to influence how you choose to experience your relationship to trust now. And what I invite you to do is this. When you say to yourself, I'm a perfectionist, notice how it feels in your body. Like to me, it feels I'm contracting, I'm closing off. And come back to your power, know your power, come back to it. Your inner power. Nothing outside of you needs to change for you to access your inner power and say this. I choose perfectionism. How does that feel? I know when I do that with my clients, they say I don't want to choose perfectionism. Well, but you do. You have been doing that, but unconsciously, but now we brought it to your consciousness, we expanded your consciousness and give you a choice. And then suddenly you know, like, no, I don't want to choose perfectionism. So now try to practice saying, I choose trust. And yes, it may feel unfamiliar, and yes, it may feel like the doubt comes up doubt comes up, but nothing outside of you needs to change for you to start speaking trust into yourself so that your body can become familiar, your mind can become familiar. And then you ask the next question: how do I commit to making small actions and build the evidence that I can trust myself? I can trust that I'm capable. Because you are. Trust is who you are. And maybe this is the invitation to stop treating trust like a destination and begin relating to it as your natural state. Because think about it. You carry this vision in your heart, it nudges you, it wakes you up in the middle of the night, it keeps you return, it keeps returning to you. You can see it, you can feel it. You know the impact it would create, especially the women I work with, the visionary women, women whose work changes lives, women who love deeply, women who care deeply, women who are here to contribute something meaningful. And even if it's not your business or not your business yet, it's your life, it's your relationship. And finally, you met that right person who is actually at your level. I have watched women cry in front of me because of how much they love what they do, or how much they love the vision that they have for their life or their relationship. I have watched women receive money for work that feels purposeful. I have watched women who've met their love person who they absolutely adore. And then they ask, but do I deserve this? And my answer is always the same. Of course you do. You came to this life as source of life, as life manifested through you. And everything you're meant to experience by you choosing your experience is already here in life. Of course you do. You were born to experience life, you were born to experience joy, you were born to experience passion, you were born to contribute, you were born to expand, you were born to receive. This is your birthright. And yet, here we're asking ourselves: can I trust my vision? Can I trust myself? Can I trust support? Can I trust expansion? Can I trust this person? And I say this with so much love. How much longer are you willing to waste your precious life energy negotiating with what your soul already knows? Because staying in the predictable feels safe. Yes. Familiar feels safe even when familiar is exhausting, even when familiar is overworking, even when familiar is perfectionism, even when familiar is doing everything alone. Because what feels familiar feels trustworthy to the nervous system. And that makes sense. You learned it. You adapted, you protected yourself. You learned that when you are perfect, you will be loved. When you are good, you will belong. When you're in control, you will be safe. When you settle for less, you'll be long and you'll be safe. When you don't need anyone, you won't get hurt. These were intelligence, intelligent adaptations. But that they're not your truth. These identities that were developed from the outside in, your parents, society, school experiences, your own pain, all teaching you conditions. Conditions for love, conditions for trust, conditions for belonging. But the operating system that got you here cannot carry you where your vision is asking you to go. Your vision requires an upgrade. Because while you are wired for safety, you're also wired for expansion. You are life expressing itself through you. You are creativity expressing itself through you. You are possibility expressing itself through you. You're not here merely to survive. You're not here merely to struggle. You're here to expand life through you. You are the channel, you are the source. And expansion will always ask you to release identities that once kept you safe. This is why the threshold of your next level often feels terrifying. Your vision is asking you to rise, and the protective parts of you are asking you to stay small. The perfectionist says, I'll trust when I get it right. The controller says, I'll trust when I know exactly how this unfolds. The independent woman says, I'll trust when I don't need anyone. But here's what I want you to remember: the misindependent complex is not empowerment, it's often protection. Because somewhere along the way, you learned that needing support was not safe, that asking for help led to disappointment, that depending on others led to pain. And so pain became the barrier between who you are and who you're being, and who you asked to be to lead your vision. Not because you cannot handle pain, but because you forgot that you can. You forgot that the woman you are today is not the little girl who first experienced disappointment, frustration, punishment from you know parents. You forgot your capacity, you forgot your resilience, you forgot your power. So let me remind you: you can handle disappointment, you can navigate uncertainty, you can recover from mistakes, you can set boundaries, you can elevate your standards, you can ask for what you need, you can begin again. You are capable, and you can do that while also holding space for your passion, for your excitement, for your life, for your choices, for your vision. All of that coexist. When you feel disappointed, or when you made the mistake in your relationship or in your business or in your life, or what you imagined, it doesn't mean you're not worthy of the life that comes in your vision. It doesn't mean you don't work hard enough or whatever your deal is to deserve it. All of that is just conditional you. You don't need to deserve it, you don't need to be. Worthy, you are the channel, you are the source manifested through you. You're here in life to experience life to its fullest. It's really up to you to choose and trust your choices as source. And also when you do have a business and an entrepreneurial flavor in you, that only means you're here, you're meant to create that ripple effect through your talents, through your gifts, through your offerings that you choose to offer to the world. And you are capable. And because you are capable, you no longer have to organize your entire life around avoiding pain. You get to organize your life around expanding life, love, expanding impact, expanding purpose, expanding your vision. Because you're not meant to do this alone. That's the law of co-creation. When you allow support, you create opportunities for others. You are tapping into the abundant, infinite well of all the help and support available to you. Whether you think you deserve it or worthy of it, it's still available to you. And that's exactly how I teach manifestation from the foundational principle that everything is available to you right now at this moment. Trust that. And move from this relationship to trust. No deserving needed to happen. No proving, validation that you're a good girl, that you're perfect, needed to happen. There are no conditions, it's just illusion of the mind and how our society is operating right now. And I believe it's asking to be changed because this operating system is just doesn't work. It pulls us away from who we really are and what we're here to experience and manifest through us. So when you say yes to support, yes to receiving, yes to trusting yourself through uncertainty, you send a powerful signal into the field. I am ready, I am ready to elevate, I am ready to receive, I am ready to be. And from this place, your standards rise, your boundaries strengthen, your discernment sharpens. You stop settling for support that reflects fear, and you begin calling in support that reflects expansion, support that honors your vision, support that matches your values, support that expands your capacity, because trust isn't blind faith. Trust is self-leadership. Trust says I don't know exactly how this unfolds, but I know who I am. I trust my relationship with source that I am, I trust my relationship with myself, I trust my ability to navigate whatever comes my way, I trust that I am supported, I trust that I can receive, I trust that I can rise, I trust that my vision already exists, I trust that I am capable to raise my standards and meet my people. And maybe that's what manifestation really is. Listen, my mind it is. It's just remembering who you are, remembering that your life expressing itself through form, remembering that you are already worthy, remembering that you are already enough, remembering that trust is not something you achieve. Trust is what remains when you remove the conditions. Trust is remembering that you can integrate and transmute pain and past experiences and still be available for the life that you envision, and even better than you ever envisioned. So today I invite you to declare: I am trust. I trust my vision, I trust my timing, I trust my expansion, I trust my capacity, I trust my being, I trust myself, and I am ready. I am the source of my creation, and the source is powerful. Because your vision is not asking you to prove yourself, it's asking you to be yourself fully, unapologetically, and with love. She emerges every time you choose stress over fear, expansion over familiarity, and love over conditions. Your vision chose you. It's your turn to choose yourself. And I'm also offering a magnetic frequency session, the frequency where I lead you into decision, into making decision while trusting. Because trust without, I mean, what one reason why we're not trusting ourselves because we get stuck in our mind. And our mind is a predictive machine and that takes us to the past. So this is where I help you connect your mind in your heart so that you access your coherence signal, and in that session, we will transmute your fear into trust, elevate your standards, and elevate that support and help who is going to co-create with you. So I highly recommend to schedule this session. The link is going to be in the show notes. And here are the questions that I'd love for you to ponder and bring them to the session, your answers, bring them to the session. What conditions have I placed on trusting myself? What part of me believes that I must earn love, support, or success? Where am I choosing familiar or familiarity over expansion? What support would the version of me who already trusts herself allow into her life? What would become possible if I decided today I am trust? And I am is your state of consciousness, and your state of consciousness opens you up or closes you off. So when you go back to I'm trust, and that's that's your state of consciousness, that feels expensive, that feels open. And when you go back to I am perfectionist, that's your state of consciousness, and that feels to me constrictive and closed off. And because you are consciousness, and I am is the statement that shows you where your consciousness is, you can tap into a consciousness and choose your identity, and that's what your vision is asking you to do to rise up, to choose the identity that is truly you. And that identity she trusts. Trust is remembering who you are. And manifestation is returning to the truth that trust, love, certainty, and expansion have been within you all along. Stop searching outside of you. Know your power, expand your consciousness, tap into the frequency of trust, and create from the source of trust that you are. And that's how you yield the momentum so that your vision becomes your reality today. And this is my key method, which is know your power, expand your consciousness, yield momentum. You are the key to trusting.