Bullying: The First Toxic Relationship

In this powerful episode of Don’t Ask Me Sh*t, Coach Dorie sits down with special guest Dakota, a recent high school graduate and college student, to have an honest and eye-opening conversation about bullying. Together they explore something many people don’t realize: bullying is often our first experience with a toxic relationship.

Dakota shares her personal experiences with bullying and explains how harmful behaviors are often disguised as jokes, friendships, or “just how people are.” From backhanded compliments to threats framed as humor, the conversation reveals how these interactions slowly shape self-esteem and internal dialogue. Words may not leave physical bruises, but they can echo in someone’s mind long after the moment has passed.

Coach Dorie reflects on how bullying has evolved across generations. While bullying used to be limited mostly to school environments, today’s students face something very different. With social media, texting, and constant online interaction, there is often no escape from harassment or negative messages. Dakota also discusses how modern content—from viral fight videos to reality TV—can normalize toxic behavior, aggression, and unhealthy friendships among young people.

Another important part of the discussion focuses on parental involvement. Dakota emphasizes that one of the most powerful things parents can do for their children is simple: be present. Creating a safe space where kids feel comfortable sharing their experiences can make a huge difference in helping them navigate bullying, peer pressure, and social challenges.

The episode also dives into deeper issues such as generational trauma, the influence of media, toxic friendship dynamics, and the ways children learn relationship behaviors from the environments around them. Dakota offers thoughtful insight on how early experiences with bullying and conflict can shape how people handle relationships later in life.

This conversation isn’t just about bullying—it’s about awareness, accountability, and breaking cycles of harmful behavior. Dakota also shares her vision of creating a student-led podcast where young people can openly discuss issues in schools and work toward real solutions.

If you’ve ever experienced bullying, supported someone who has, or want to better understand the emotional impact it can have, this episode is a must-watch.

Listen now and join the conversation.

Key Takeaway

Bullying isn’t just schoolyard drama - it’s often the beginning of harmful relational patterns that can follow people into adulthood. Recognizing these behaviors early and providing support can help young people develop healthier boundaries, stronger self-worth, and better relationship skills for the future.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Don't Ask Me Shit Podcast. This is the podcast where we stop sugarcoating, we stop pretending, and we stop dancing around the issues. I'm Coach Dory. I'm a stress management and relationship recovery coach, helping people heal after traumatic relationships with friends, family, or even romantic partners. You can always ask Coach Dory, but remember if you're not ready to do the work, don't ask me shit. So today we have a special guest. I have Dakota here with me. She's a recent high school graduate and a college student. And she wanted to come on to talk about bullying and the effects of bullying and inform us um of what's going on in schools and what we can do and what we may be missing even as adults. So I'm gonna talk to her and let her give us her insight and teach us a few things today. Hi, Dakota. How are you doing today?

SPEAKER_01 1:31

Hello, I'm doing good and you?

SPEAKER_00 1:33

I'm doing wonderful. So um bullying. Bullying. I realized when you asked me if we can talk that bullying is actually a toxic relationship. And it never dawned on me until I talked to you. So tell me a little bit about why you want to talk about this particular thing and how we got here.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

Um, so I wanted to talk about this because like I've noticed a lot that it's been pretty much normalized, like bullying has. Because like for a long time, like we'll say backhanded things to be nice, but we're not like actually being nice. And it's like all about language because people will always say, Oh, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words never hurt. No, the difference between sticks and stones is that they'll hurt you right then and there and immediately. Words, words is almost like when you get into a car crash and you don't feel anything for the first five minutes. It's adrenaline. You, your your pride is so high that you have so much adrenaline that you don't feel those words in those moments. But when your self-esteem goes down, because it can fluctuate, when it goes down, you think of those words that have been said to you before. It replays in the back of your mind, and you don't even realize where those words come from because you already forgot the conversation. And so now you're masking other people's words as your own. And that's why it's important to be aware of toxic relationships and bullying in relationships, because people will always like people will always try to justify it by saying, Oh, that's just how I am, or that's just you know, that's just how I play. Like basically trying to discredit how you feel about it, and it's like, no, honestly, nobody should be talking to. I know that it's just a joke, but sometimes jokes aren't jokes anymore when they are replaying in the back of somebody's mind.

SPEAKER_00 3:54

Well, and and jokes actually, when you look at a lot of comedians and things, it it's real life. It there you really did mean that. And you know, that's that's uh a hard situation to be in when you especially when you have a friend. When a friend does that, they disguise themselves as friends. Um, you know, and it's interesting when you say that we normalize it or they they uh they play it down, so they're actually using manipulation tactics, they're gaslighting you to make you think, no, you're too sensitive. I didn't mean it like that, I didn't say that, and so those are classic, classic toxic manipulation traits. Um, but again, until you said something, I never thought of bullying that way. Never I I knew the effects of it because I had a bully in school, and you're right, those words do even at 53. There are certain things that still come up because someone has said them, and you don't even realize that it's there until you find yourself in a situation that you're replaying of. So um, has this been a uh issue for you? Have you been bullied in your lifetime?

SPEAKER_01 5:10

Um, yes, I have been bullied before. It's like weird because um because I've been gen like genuinely I've been bullied by a friend before. Like we be cool and hanging out all the time, but it's like certain things they say kind of be throwing me off because we'll be chilling, and then like for example, they'll go like, Oh, you can't do that. I don't know why you're doing that, you're not good at it, and then like you're just sitting there, like, what? Why would you say that?

SPEAKER_00 5:52

Where did that come from?

SPEAKER_01 5:54

Right, and then there's another instance where sometimes, like, and this happens a lot, it's like so normal for whatever reason, but like people will all also like use threats as a joke too. Like, you ever have somebody say, Oh, I'm I'm gonna hit you, like I'm I'm gonna smack you, and then they'll be laughing, and you're just sitting there looking crazy because like you don't smack me. Right, what are you talking about? And it's just like that type of like that's a relationship bully. Like, you don't necessarily detect it because you're like, okay, that's just how they play, okay, that's just how they are, but it gets to a point where if you keep tolerating it, you're gonna realize like it's uh an abusive relationship disguised as a joke. So, like, that's why you have to take it serious, and then actually being genuinely bullied, like I think like the first time I've ever genuinely felt bullied and recognized it was this one time when I was walking through the school, and there's this guy, um, and he was always like just saying the weirdest, meaning stuff. And like I was walking through the hallway, he would push me on purpose, like every chance he got. And like one day, um, it got so bad to where I genuinely like had to like shed a few tears because he walked past me, he pushed me, looked at me, and then said, You disgust me. Oh, and that hurt because like, okay, like I get, I don't like I don't know what his reason was of doing all that, but it's like, yes, I really it's not like I like you or anything, but like it still kind of hurts to hear somebody say that about you after like pushing you around and making you feel power powerless and stuff. And you know, I couldn't do or say nothing at the time because you know, normally I would fight back, but I was and and that's another thing, when you're in power, it's hard to like retaliate because you have to think about your actions and your words more thoroughly. Because I was the um president of student council, so I had to watch how I acted.

SPEAKER_00 8:39

Wow. That's that's interesting. Um I I never would have thought about your position. I mean, I guess it makes sense even in adult, you know, because I guess that's why we hide certain things, because we either don't want people to know, and especially as women, we don't want people to think we're weak. That's one of the things that we always get accused. Well, you know, maybe this wasn't cut out. Maybe you're not strong enough to handle this. Um, you made a state you just made a statement. Um, you said it's it the way he did it was not like he liked you or anything, you know. That's one of those things we normalize boys uh bullying girls from a very, very young age. He's pulling your hair. Oh, that's just because he likes you, he's hitting you, that's just because he likes you. Why are we tolerating abuse in the name of you like so that doesn't even make sense to me. But we do this all the time. So do you have any childhood experiences that you can recall where there was bullying and you didn't realize it at the time, or or even that you didn't know, or have you always been aware of people mistreating you?

SPEAKER_01 10:01

Yes, no, there was I will never forget I will never forget this one because I remember I had gotten in trouble for it. I think I was in kindergarten and there was this boy named Chase. Um Chase was cute or whatever, but he he would always like be he would pinch me all the time, like all the time. And it always bothered me because I'm like, why are you pinching me? And pinching hurts. So I would tell Chase to stop, and Chase wouldn't stop. And so one day we were on the playground and Chase pinched me again. And this time I was sick of it. I chased him all the way down and I hit him, and then I got in trouble. And of course, the mom's like, Oh, you need you need to teach your daughter not to put her hands on my son. And my mom was like, Teach your son to keep his hands to himself, and it it was it it got handled, but it's like why why is and then an another thing when you're talking about um abuse, I just want to know, like, why do boys, because it is true that not not 100% of the time, but 50% of the time, it is true that guys who hit on girls at a young age, they do like feel attracted to them. The issue is they don't know how to show that affection without uh being abusive. And sometimes I wonder if they grew up in an abusive home and they learned that a way to love somebody is to hit them. Because like if you like somebody, why are you trying to harm them? Why are you trying to hit them? And and and it's crazy because you could tell because they'll be smiling and laughing about it, like giggling, like like a little girl kicking her feet. And it's like you think it's funny, but it bothers it bothers the little girls that are getting hit while the guys are just thinking that it's cool because of the role models they have. They think that's what love is.

SPEAKER_00 12:16

You you I don't know, you may be on to something there because when when we get disciplined and in our homes, a lot of our parents say, I'm doing this because I love you. When they're spanking us or you know, ground I don't know. Maybe maybe there is a correlation somewhere between in their mind now that love and pain go hand in hand. But that's oh that's actually kind of scary. I need to look up some things because that's that that's those words carry a lot of weight.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

Yeah, because it all starts at a young age, because like um people like you gotta understand that like babies are kids, and kids are teenagers, and teenagers are are adults, and the adults become the elderly. Whatever you are teaching kids at a young age, that is what they're gonna grow up to be. Those are habits, and you can make good habits or bad habits, and like most of the time, like kids who grow up in a home with abusive parents, their parents grew up in a home with abusive parents. And it's just like it's a generational thing because sometimes, like, because sometimes people don't understand, like, okay, let's say the kid didn't break, didn't grow up in an abusive home, right? But if one of the parents have grown up in an abusive home, even if they are perfectly fine, that that trauma can still linger if it goes unchecked. If the parent doesn't fully heal from traumatic experiences like that, it can it can carry over to the child, even if they grew up in a perfect environment. And with how the environment is now, and kids are still growing up in an abusive environment, even if it's not at home, it's like a trigger. So, like, even if the parent was going through so much traumatic stuff and they had did everything to make sure that their kid never went through that, if they're going through that outside of like home, at school, after school, because you have to remember these kids spend like literally, because like I have realized we only have 24 hours a day, and we're only we're supposed to be getting eight hours of sleep. And we spend a third of our day sleeping, and then we go to school. School is seven to eight hours, so we're spending another third of our day at school, and then we spend like eight hours at home, barely. Some some parents aren't even off when their kids get home. So it's like kids spend more time at school than they do at home, and a lot of the stuff that they pick up is from school and not home. But it's it goes hand in hand with both because they could be picking stuff up at home or at school, or the things that they watch, and that's another thing. With the normalization, it's more than just like the actual relationships that people are in, it's also like the content that people watch. I mean, I've been when I scroll through Instagram, literally all the time I'm getting like these AI um read like when they be reading the text of whatever book it is, and it's always like partner is cheating on me, partner is beating me, da-da-da-da-da. And it's like, and it starts off with that stuff, and you don't, of course, you get the overcoming part at the end, but you're being exposed to the first 30 seconds of these of this abusive love language, and you're consuming that first, and then mind you, now you're getting all of these videos where people are exposing cheaters and da-da-da-da-da. And I'm not, I'm I know that it's important for us to know that they're cheaters, but honestly, I feel like that's something that should be private because kids are getting exposed to this, and and most parents don't even know what their kids are watching. I mean, I ended up okay because my mom had a bunch of restrictions on my phone, but most parents don't do that. Most parents just give their kids devices and let their hearts content to whatever they consume. And that's what the world is like putting out right now: abusive relationships, normal, normalizing abuse, um, normalizing being blind to abuse or accepting abuse. It's like we say that it's awareness. Oh, we're just making sure people are aware of abuse. But if we talk about it so much to the point that it becomes the daily gossip, we begin to desensitize ourselves to these issues. It becomes a norm, it becomes something that is just so regular. Like, usually you're supposed to be shocked, like, oh my goodness, when someone tells you that they've been in an abuse, abusive relationship. But the way it is now, they'll be like, oh, why she didn't just put why didn't why shouldn't she fight back? Why didn't she just leave? Why didn't she press charges? Why didn't she do this? And guys too, because guys be in abusive relationships too. Oh, he a man, why he ain't do nothing. Me personally, I would have never let a female do that to me. But people don't understand when you have been domesticated to accept violence, it is hard to grow out of that because it is it is a habit. A habit isn't something that you can do by will, a habit is something that happens by nature.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

Wow, and it's programming. You've been programmed to think that this is okay. A lot of the ways that you respond to abuse in your later years, you've been responding to that by parents and teachers. It's it's you are so correct. We spend more, we actually spend more time with these teachers than we do with our parents in these younger years. You brought up, oh my gosh, I had to start writing notes because you brought up so many things. I'm like, oh, I want to talk about that, I want to talk about that. Um sorry garbage in, garbage out, what we're exposed to makes a difference. What's with all these fight videos? Every time I turn around, and I've watched I've watched children gather and get their phones out and stage a fight video, and it's like, what in the world? Why is this entertainment? And um, working in a warehouse, that one of the young ladies and an adult, she was known for these fight videos. So she's starting fights with people so that she can get all these views. I mean, this is crazy. So um, do you get a a lot of people watch those too when the the kids in school and yes?

SPEAKER_01 19:19

Is anyone staging those too also? The issue is it's no longer a stage because um and I hate and I hate to say this because usually people stage it for views, but um the it and uh like I said, it's all about the consumption of content. They're consuming so much violent content that they stage their feelings of hate, like they act out of anger all the time, act out of emotion so much, like the first thing they want to do is fight. Like I always remember, I will hear these um boys, because I also intern at my um alma mater, I will hear them talk about how uh you ain't go stand up for it. Like, and they be joking, but they be literally joking about fighting all the time, and then it's crazy because they also do actually be hitting each other, and like I said, that's an abusive relationship because like you're normalizing the idea of your friends putting their hands on you, and um, and it's just so weird to me because another thing about that is like and I and a lot of people are gonna be like, why would you say that? But I don't care. The one thing that I'm like this is an unpopular opinion, but the one thing that I don't like, there's this show that I really don't like, and it's because a lot of kids have gained exposure to this show. It is it's baddies, um, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so baddies is literally a prime example of toxic friendship, abusive relationships, and people be like, no, it's not no, you've been so desensitized to the whole entire issue that you see this as normal. Put it because listen, I I have had an internship in the film industry, and I've also been behind cameras for an actual reality show. Let me tell you something. Those cameramans are gaslighters. Wow, they they will get they it's like their emotions practically aren't their own. I mean, like, yes, they're fighting, but what are they fighting for? Over a chain, they come here as women who have kids, who have kids. They get on this show, they they're all like none of them are all friends together. And even if they are friends, you see a lot of betrayal. Crayoles and those friends end up fighting each other, or it's always this click against this click when we supposed to be teaching our young women and our little girls sisterhood. We supposed to be teaching them to look out for each other, but we got shows that are tearing down the women's ish image of sisterhood. And so now we're normalizing being friends, fighting each other about it, and then Kiki and ha ha in the next day, or being friends, fighting about it, and then losing that friendship because of lack of communication. So, and it's so funny because all of this stuff that's being consumed is now like showing up in the actual women. I see it because like there are so many women that genuinely act out of anger, they're always being, and that's and it's not even any better for our community as black people, because it's already enough that in the 1900s, early on, we were seen as angry black women. And if we're putting content out that shows we are angry black women, showing that we're angry black women, yeah, then people are gonna keep perceiving that they're gonna perceive us as angry black women, women who always want to fight, and it's it's bad, it's horrible.

SPEAKER_00 23:15

Now, people going it's a confirmation bias because they already see that, and now you have this, and it's like, yep, see, I told you we were right, this is how they all behave, and they don't see us in our normal settings and with our families and things, and so and and the history of people even provoking women, period, but even provoking black women. I mean, it's it's there, so you push us to something, and now we're we're reenacting this on stages for everybody to see. You know, that's a that's a whole mess, and it's not just that one. I mean, it's all a lot of the um housewives and the the a lot of those shows, it's just the hatred that is showing and the toxic dynamics that is showing between women and their supposed to be friends or um business partners, uh, you know, there's no camaraderie at all.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

Yes, and this is literally showing kids how to not trust their friends. Like, I'll never forget the saying where they'd be like, Oh, keep your friends closer, but your enemies closer, or oh, I'm too good for friends because everyone always lets me down. It's like these types of shows shows no huge faith in humanity whatsoever. Like, there's no genuine real people that'll actually like you. You always have to anticipate that they're gonna backstab you, and then like if they do, you can either forgive them and they're gonna do it again, or you can never be able to forgive them. So it also teaches us how to be hard on other people and act like people can't change. It's like we become judgmental, angry, and emotional, but we don't even know what we're actually feeling because these feelings aren't our own, our personalities aren't our own. Like these kids, whatever they are consuming, they are making it their personalities. So the fact that kids are consuming bodies, they are cut that they're making baddies their personality. They are becoming angry people who are gonna fight about it, stand up about it. Like, and it's like bad because this is not what I want to see for our new generation. I want them to be intellectual and to be involved in, you know, all the great clubs that I was involved in with student council or youth and government or national history day, stuff like things that intellectually grow you. But the only thing that I see is this is immense emotionally destroying them, making them act out of emotion, not being able to be professional in certain settings. Because if you're in bodies, your profession is literally being unprofessional.

SPEAKER_00 26:02

That's so crazy. That's so crazy, and it's crazy. You can see that why are the the grown-grown people not able to see that? That's that's that's a mess. Um, you mentioned earlier that your mother had a lot of restrictions on your phone and things. Um talk a little bit about uh parental parental involvement and this idea that kids need their privacy. How what do you feel about that?

SPEAKER_01 26:35

I'm gonna I'm not gonna front. No. Um, I know how much I used to want privacy as a kid, but absolutely not. These kids cannot be trusted by themselves, and I hate to say that, but it's true. And the reason why they can't be trusted by themselves is because there's too much derogatory comment content coming out for you to be even able to catch it because it only when they are very young, it only takes them like five minutes to absorb that information. And if we have videos that are like at first it was 15 seconds, it was messing up their attention span, but now we got videos that are like one minute, one minute and 30 seconds, five minutes. We actually have videos that can get up to five minutes now, and kids, if they're interested enough, they will sit there and watch the whole thing. And no, kids, I'm sorry, like a lot of people gonna be like, but no, I know the parents have been waiting to hear this. No, kids do not need no privacy. If I had privacy, if I had probably if I had privacy, I probably would be doing a whole lot more than what I would have been doing when I was in when I did have no privacy. And I'm not talking good things either, because when I tell you the parental things that my mom had on my phone, she was watching, like she was able to see who I was texting, what I was texting, what kind of conversations we was having, because certain words, it'll immediately alert her. Like, if I was talking about drugs, she'll get a notification about it because anything, like any type of drug that'll pop up, it'll give a notification to her. If I even had the audacity to even be having a sexual conversation, she'll immediately get um a notification because anything sexual related, it would go, it would go straight to her phone. And then restrictions, and it was more than just restrictions like that, uh restrictions so that I wasn't on my phone for a long period of time. So I wasn't on social media for a long period of time. Like I literally had one hour of Instagram and all that. That's all I had throughout the day. So it let it taught me how not to be stuck to the phone because even though I had a phone at a young age, I was still going outside and I was still playing at the park. Okay, okay, mama. Kudos to mama. These kids, they don't they don't even want to go to the park, they just be glued to the game.

SPEAKER_00 29:10

Right. It's hot outside, it's bugs outside. Yeah, they don't like being outside. Wow. Let's go back to wait, there was something parental involvement. Oh, so parental involvement, going back to even the bullying part. If the parents were more aware they could help catch even some of that. Because it w you know, when we were younger, I like I said, I had a bully. But when I left school, that bully stayed at the school. So when I was home, I had I had a reprieve from that. I had my siblings, I had whatever I had at home. Nowadays, there is no there is no escape. Social media phones, text messaging, all of that. Bullying, if you have a bully now, that bully is can be constantly with you. What can parents do to help with that? And and actually it's a two-part question. Was your parent was your mom instrumental in helping you navigate through your bully experience? And what can parents do to help their children?

SPEAKER_01 30:21

Be present. Um be present most of all because um it's like you can only do so much, but if you're not present, you can't be there. So um, because like and give your kids a space to talk to you. Because another thing is if they don't feel comfortable with sharing the experiences that they are having at school, if you actually make sure that you are asking your kids how they date how they day went, like what happened at school today, and that needs to be normalized because I'm realizing like not a lot of parents are asking those questions, because if they did, they probably hear a lot. Yeah, yeah, because it should never turn into a fight and your kid getting suspended because they stood up for themselves for you to realize your kid has been getting bullied, or it should never be because of how horrific it has gotten now, it should never be you burying your child to realize that your kid has been getting bullied because bully has bullying has now gotten like it's evolved so much to where you have to feel for your life. It's more, it's not even just suicide anymore. Now, like kids are being murdered by their bullies, and so it's like you really just need to give your kids a space to talk to you all the time, every day after school. Like, I know they say, Oh, I ain't one of your little friends. No, you you can be friends with your kids and still have a parental relationship. Being friends don't mean that you're condoning what your kid does. Being friends means that you are taking care of your kids emotionally, physically, financially, if you have to, because that's what I do for my friends, and I ain't grown. I make sure that they're okay and they good and that they are doing well emotionally, physically, how your day went, how has it been, what's been going on in life, stuff like that. Like it's okay to be your kid's friend, just know that there is a line, just like how you got boundaries with your friends, you got boundaries with your kids.

SPEAKER_00 32:39

Oh my gosh, I'm so in love with you. I just keep willing you be my friend. I'm so you know, that is so because I my kids are my friends. I and I say that I've they my best young friends, and I've tell them I can talk to them about just about anything within within boundaries, you know, and they come to me with a lot of things, they don't tell me all their business, and trust me, I do not want to know all their business, but I've provided that space for them to come and say something, mainly because when I was growing up, again, my bully if I told my mother about or my aunts or anything about my bullies because they weren't emotionally regulated, they couldn't help me with mine. So it turned into we going up to this school, I'm gonna you gonna have to stand in front of them, you gonna fight them back, you're gonna and I get teaching your children to defend themselves, I get standing up for yourself, but then that actually made the bullying situation worse because then the next day the bully went to school, and Dory had her her grown auntie come up here, and so now you done made it look like I got a grown-up bullying you because you bullying me, and so now they got something else to talk about. But I love that, just be present, and that was just so simple, it doesn't even require a bunch of anything, just be there, yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:05

That's all it takes, like be as long as you're being present, like um, because I go to church and like I went to um Gateway Church, and one of the sermons it literally said, like you're it the issue with your relationship with other people and God is that you're not present, you can't love something that you're not present to. So it's like that stuff matters, like because like the definition of God being omniscient is always present. That's how he can love us eternally and with an everlasting love and be faithful to the unfaithful because he's always there, but you can't love something that you're not there for. Wow. So if you love your kids, if you love your child, you would be present. That's all they need for somebody to be. That's why, even when kids have parents, they always look up to like their teachers, like um, yeah, because they're there. Like um, my teacher, um Mr. Williams, he is the most present person you can ever think of. When he when he can be, he will be present, he will be there if his time allows it. And that's what kids really need. When you can, when you are allowed to, when your time allows it, when you are not making sure that you're putting food on the table and worried about being the breadwinner, all out of your free time. I understand relaxation, but in your free time, you should be relaxing in the presence of your kids, making sure that you're present for them and seeing the things that they do. If they play basketball, go to their games. If they are involved in student counsel, see what they're doing to make their school better, make them feel like they are cared about because sometimes it just takes a conversation to feel cared for.

SPEAKER_00 36:12

Wow. To be seen and heard. Sometimes the kids just want to be seen and heard. Wow. That's good. I just I you so what are we what are we doing with all of this? Where where do we go from here? Were you starting something? You you got something. I don't know. If there's somebody out there that can help you get started, what you want to get started, what do you want to do? What platform? You know what question I'm asking.

SPEAKER_01 36:41

Yes. Um, what I want to because like um when I had entered summer sumner, because Sumner is a very good school. Yes, it's historical, but they really do care about their community and stuff. And that's what I love about Sumner. I wanted to start a podcast there, a podcast where students are able to come and like talk. And I wanted to be, I wanted to be in Sumner. Like that, like, because Sumner is my foundation of figuring out who I am and intellectually growing more. Um, and I wanted to start a podcast that gives students, old and young, um a space to talk about the issues in schools and ways that they think that it can be solved because at the end of the day, it's like we're all students, we're all learning, we all have problems, but we won't know those problems until they're heard, until they're said, until they're out there for people to consume. And I don't want it to just be a conversation where we are just talking about it, talking about it, talking about it. Now it's desensitized. That's just what we talk about, that's the daily gossip. Oh, well, blah, blah, blah. I want there to be actual problem-solving conversations where we are not just talking about the issue, but we're talking about a solution because you can always talk, but what actions are you gonna put behind those words? So that is important that our students are gonna be able to be heard and seen. And so when you are heard and seen, something has to be done.

SPEAKER_00 38:29

Wow. So y'all heard that uh uh Sumner alumni grown-ups was let us help this young lady get this started in the school. Um, is there anything else that you want us to know and understand? Um, I think we talked about you you summed up parental support beautifully. Um oh no, I know what else I wanted to ask you. What about this trend of uh students bullying teachers?

SPEAKER_01 38:59

Oh my goodness. Like, and all I have to say is that it's the parents' job when I tell you, because um the fact that a student, and I hate to say this, the fact that a student is comfortable enough to really disrespect an adult on that level says a lot about their place at home or what they're consuming. Because I I know that we as youth we have this conversation where it's always like, oh well, respect goes both ways, you respect me, I respect you, da da da. But it's just so crazy because we are so sensitive that we will take any small, anything that makes that pulls at our heartstrings that make us hurt in any kind of way, we take that as disrespect. And it's like that's not always the case. Sometimes it hurts, but that might just be conviction and that might be your way to realizing that you need to change something in you. But the fact that kids are unwilling to change and feel like everything is owed to them, because I'm not gonna lie, nobody owes you anything, and it's always gonna be like that. People are going to act like nobody owes you anything because I noticed um my generation, you know, we over here complaining about uh work. We like we working way harder, we ain't making enough money to live over this and live over that. Okay, you realize that a minimum wage job isn't gonna help you get by. So, what are you gonna do about it? Are you gonna become an entrepreneur? Are you going to start your own business? Are you gonna go to college and make sure that you secure a job? Are you going to start like communicating with other people, networking? Are you gonna start putting yourself out there? What are you going to do to change your situation? Because you can only say so much, but no actions aren't gonna get you anywhere. So it's like we can always complain so much, but what are you gonna do? And then after you get big and after you get so much money, what are you gonna do to give back to your community? After you put yourself on a pedestal, what are you gonna do to give back to your community to make sure kids have the same opportunities that no, that kids have access to the opportunities that you didn't have to act that you couldn't obtain to have opportunities that you had to strive and fight for and reach to the stars for? Are you gonna help them get closer to? Are you gonna give them steps to are you gonna give them a ladder so they can reach the stars? Are you gonna give them a rocket ship to reach those stars? Are you just gonna sit there and watch them reach up from the ground? Just like you did.

SPEAKER_00 41:48

Okay. That's and that's out the mouth of a young person. No girl person say that. Y'all heard that. Oh my gosh, we gotta get you some help so you can get started. You need you need to be on somebody's stage speaking, doing something. So uh is there a way can people follow you? I I don't want to invite people to follow you on your socials and stuff because again, it sounds like you you're a private person and you're young, but when you get all that stuff set up, you need to let me know so we can put it out there and get you going. Is that is that good? Is that cool? Okay, alrighty. Well, thank you so much for talking to me today. I got so many other questions. I'm probably gonna have to have you back on something else. Um but it was definitely a pleasure. You are a uh intelligent young woman. I mean, I just I didn't know what to expect on this call for real. And I am, I am, I'm I like I said, I want you to be my friend. I you need to be my friend. You can lift me up every day. Yeah, thank you. Um I don't even I don't know how to end this. Is there any do you have any final words?

SPEAKER_01 43:10

Final words is just going over everything that I said. Parents be present, be aware of your kids. Don't just be self-aware, be aware of your kids and make your kids aware of these situations. Teach them like I know they be trying to push sex ed, but we need to push emotional intellect intelligence, push emotional intelligence. That that is a priority because in business ethics, they are not gonna care about how you feel. They are gonna worry about your profession. Are you professional? Are you doing what I asked you to do without um without delay? So, and then teach your kids how to speak up for themselves. Teach teach because, like I said, lack of conversation. Literally, like it almost puts you in an area where you don't feel the need to talk. So teach your kids how to talk to.

SPEAKER_00 44:09

You don't even know how to talk. It's not even normal.

SPEAKER_01 44:12

Yeah. It's especially because it's so messed up. Gen Z is literally considered the loneliest generation. And I can only imagine what Gen Alpha is going to be labeled after their generation passes. Um so we need to fix that. We need to bring back being social without social media. Be social without the media. So, like when y'all see somebody, like the goal should be when you see somebody, you say hi, hello. Like I get on the bus, I say hi to the bus driver. I get off the bus, I say have a good day, bus driver. Be social. Make sure that you are acknowledging other people's presence because greeting somebody is acknowledging that they are there. Because I know we all live in our own world sometimes, but we have to acknowledge that there are other people in our world.

SPEAKER_00 45:04

Yeah.

unknown 45:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:07

So parents just need to spend more time with their kids. Spend more time.

SPEAKER_00 45:12

Cool. And I want to add to it as far as if you feel uncomfortable with someone's actions, the way they're playing, let's not normalize disrespect as fun. Your friends should not make you feel uncomfortable. Your friends should be able to tell you the truth in a loving way. But if they're joking and playing, you know, it's it's covert, it's covert abuse. Bullying is designed to be secretive. So if your parents are if parents aren't involved, if teachers don't see it, they're not going to because a bully is is strategically making sure that the abuse is not seen. And that just goes into adult bullying. I've got adult bullies. It is so crazy. The people that will get online. This is what we're doing. So again, I just want to thank you. Thank you for um bringing some awareness. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Um and I wish you all the success. You are a brilliant young lady, and I just I really see good things for you. So thank you. Um and with that, we're going to end this episode. So thank you all for listening um to us today. And uh Dakota did not sugarcoat, she did not dance around anything, she did not make excuses for bad behavior, and so that's the type of energy that we want here on Don't Ask Me Shit. So if you heard something that you like, if um you know someone that needs to hear this, please share this video, share this podcast so that other people can get help. Alrighty. So um, yeah, that's it.