Survival Mode to Self-Trust After Trauma

Stress, Intuition, and Healing the Nervous System | Hailey Coleman

In this powerful episode of the Don’t Ask Me Shit - The Podcast, Coach Dorie sits down with Hailey Coleman, widely known as a Psychic Nervous System Coach. Haley blends trauma-informed coaching, somatic nervous system regulation, emotional clarity, and intuitive insight to help overwhelmed women move from survival mode into calm, clarity, and confidence.

Haley shares her deeply personal journey of healing after an emotionally abusive relationship that pushed her body into extreme stress and panic attacks. What started as a survival response eventually became the catalyst for her work helping others understand how trauma, chronic stress, and burnout impact the nervous system.

In this conversation, Coach Dorie and Hailey break down how many people are unknowingly living in constant survival mode. High cortisol, anxiety, brain fog, poor sleep, digestive issues, and emotional overwhelm can all be signs that the nervous system is dysregulated—even for people who appear successful and “put together” on the outside.

Hailey explains why stress can block intuition and disconnect us from our inner guidance. When the body is stuck in fight-or-flight, the brain focuses only on immediate survival, making it difficult to trust our instincts or make aligned decisions.

The discussion also dives into practical tools for calming the nervous system, including simple grounding techniques, breathwork, and somatic practices that help the body release stored stress. Hailey shares a powerful exercise that anyone can start using immediately to begin calming their body and rebuilding self-trust.

Another key part of the conversation focuses on boundaries and energy protection. Hailey explains how rebuilding self-trust often starts with small boundaries—like learning to stop apologizing unnecessarily or saying yes to everything.

This episode is an honest conversation about healing from toxic relationships, understanding trauma responses, and learning how to reconnect with yourself after stress has taken over your life.

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, burned out, disconnected from your intuition, or stuck in survival mode, this conversation will give you insight, validation, and practical tools to begin your healing journey.

Listen now and join the conversation.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Welcome to Don't Ask Me Shit, the podcast where we stop pretending, stop sugarcoating, and stop dancing around the real issues. I'm Coach Dory, a stress management and relationship recovery coach, and I'm here to help you heal from toxic relationships, whether it be friendships, family ships, or romantic partners. This is a space for conversation that people want to avoid. And we're going to talk about the messy stuff here. So here's the deal. You can ask Coach Dory anything, but if you're not ready to do the work, don't ask me shit because I'm not here to co-sign your excuses. I'm here to help you grow. So let's dig in. Today's guest is Haley Coleman, widely known as the psychic nervous system coach. Haley is a trauma-informed, intuitive coach who blends somatic nervous system regulation, emotional clarity work, and psychic insight to help overwhelm women and high-achieving adults move from stress and anxiety. Move from stress, anxiety, and survival mode into deep calm, confidence, and direction. She has a background in mental health education, addiction awareness, and high performance coaching. And she spent years supporting individuals, families, and communities through stress, burnout, trauma recovery, and major life transitions. Haley's work is unique because she bridges science and spirituality, helps clients regulate their bodies, reconnect with their intuition, and make aligned decisions that actually change their lives. Her signature 12-week progress processor. Her signature 12-week process self-healing hub mixed up with her signature 24-7 chat access, has become known for creating powerful nervous system shifts and breakthrough clarity in clients who felt stuck, overwhelmed, or disconnected from themselves. Hayley is here today to talk about how stress blocks intuition, how the nervous system influences our purpose, and how we can reclaim a calm, grounded version of ourselves, even in the middle of chaos. Hayley, welcome to the show. Oh, how are you doing today? That was a lot. I know. Hey hey, but that's who you are.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

I want the world to know who you are. That was like my life's journey in like a two-minute spiel.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

So tell us how how well, first of all, again, how are you doing today?

SPEAKER_00 3:16

I'm great. I'm great.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

That's good. So tell us how how how'd we get here? How how did you get to be who you are?

SPEAKER_00 3:26

What yeah. Um years ago my kids were pretty little and uh I had a relationship where it was emotionally abusive. They were a pathological liar, a chronic cheater, uh like a literal psychopath, I I say. Um and and dealing with that and not listening to my body, uh, force my body to stop. I've never had anxiety, uh, which I'm blessed to not have, but uh during that time frame I was getting like full-blown panic attacks, like full-body panic attacks, um, which put me in the hospital a few times with a few heart monitor situations, uh, not understanding panic attacks, right? Because I had never had them. Um and in that time frame of my life, uh, I was chronically sleep deprived with the kiddos, with high stress from the emotional abuse and walking on eggshells and trying to start a new life with my kids. Um in that time, I wasn't listening to my body. I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't eating properly, I was full on survival mode, drinking so much caffeine, trying to get through the day, um, and still trying to work on top of all of that. And yeah, my body just said no. And I hit rock bottom. Um, my rock bottom moment, I like to share this because it's very raw and very real with mothers. Um, I was cuddling my little littlest guy, and my other, my two girls were sitting with me, and it was super calm. We were cuddly on the couch watching a show, and all of a sudden my body was went into full-body panic attack mode out of nowhere. And my girls started rubbing my back and singing the lullaby that I sing to them to calm them down, which is Blackbird by the Beatles. Um, and that was my rock bottom moment because they were trying to help me. And I didn't even voice that I needed help. They could just feel my body, feel my energy, feel that I was struggling. And they just yeah, cuddled up harder and started singing me Blackbird and rubbing my back, um, tears pouring down my face because it was like a aha moment. And yeah, then I decided to figure out a way to work through my trauma and my stress while having little kids around me in a holistic manner. Um, and that was the start of my journey.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

Wow. How long were you in this um this stressful relationship? How long did you sit in there?

SPEAKER_00 6:40

Uh years.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

Years.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

Years. Um it took it also took me years to sort my life out and sort my shit out and be like, I need to do something different. I needed to change my environment. I needed like physically in change my environment. I needed to, so I needed to move. I needed to change my surroundings with the people that were in my world. Um, and then I also needed to change the way I handled myself. So eating better, I pour started pouring into exercise. Um, but it actually was this one doctor that I went to, and I was like, I think, I think I have like all these issues. Like, I want to do all the blood work, I want to do all the things, and like maybe I need to start going on like back on birth control, and that was a disaster that caused actually like more panic attacks with the higher uh hormones. Um and then this one doctor came in and was like, Did you know that high interval skipping gives you the same uh reaction in your body as a panic attack? And I was like, What are you talking about? And he's like, just hear me out. And I'm like crying, like stressed, and I'm just like, just give me some answers, right? Because I didn't really want medication. I'm not against medication, but I my body just doesn't like medication and even like Tylenol. So I didn't want to do that. And the doctor was like, no, hear me out. If you do like high and like hit interval training with skipping, so you like skip for like 30 seconds super fast, and then your body goes into like fast heart rate, sweaty, out of breath, like kind of like disassociated, like you're trying to like push your body, and then you stop, and you learn to calm your body down. So you're learning to calm your heart rate and your breathing and your mind down. And he's like, and I want you to time it. And so here I am, like a mad woman, like skipping every day. I'm like, and I have this little sheet, and I'm like, okay, so I skip for 30 to 45 seconds, like super fast, like so crazy. And like I learned the hard way because I like wasn't wearing shoes at first. Yeah, what the hell? It whipped my feet and shins like so many times. Um, but anyway, after a few weeks, I was able to get my body calm. Uh, it started at like two, three minutes it took to calm myself down in between the skipping to then to like 30, 40 seconds to calm myself down. And he's like, What you're teaching yourself right now in your body is how to calm yourself after a panic state. He's like, but one's a positive experience, skipping, and one's a negative experience, panic. But it's the same experience in our body, and that was like a light bulb moment, it was crazy.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

Wow. Sorry, and it's so simple, right?

SPEAKER_00 10:13

Yeah, I was like, Oh, I never thought about that. He's like, Yeah, but one's just a scary experience and one's not, one's a controlled experience, but the reaction and the calm down is the same in both experiences.

SPEAKER_01 10:29

That's pretty cool. I have to go get me a rope and skip. Or not get the rope and just skip up and down the street.

SPEAKER_00 10:38

Right? Like I was like, this person like skipping all the time. I lost a lot of weight though. That was a and I learned how to calm myself down from a panic attack. So win-win.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

Wow. So you mentioned um several times you weren't listening to your body. Um, what are some of the things before we even get to the panic attacks and the the outside, you know what I'm trying to say? The what am I saying? The outside expression of the self, what stress, what are some of the things that you and people tend to ignore in their body?

SPEAKER_00 11:20

Um first of all, I'm gonna apologize for coughing a lot. One of my kids literally went to give me a hug while they were sick and coughed in my mouth a couple of days ago. So I got a little tickle going on. Um yeah. Good thing they're cute, right?

SPEAKER_02 11:39

Right.

SPEAKER_00 11:39

Um yeah, I was like a full like come in for a hug, coughed inside my mouth. Yeah, love that. Um so all of my clients have experienced completely different symptoms, but the common thing is that none of them were listening to them. Um, so I always go to my clients and say, at one point in your life, did you feel like you were your most calm best self? Did you have these experiences or and symptoms at that time? And they all say no, because what happens is when we are not present within ourselves, we are constantly pushing and pushing and pushing. Um, and then we live in that survival mode, and that's now our new norm. We don't even realize that we're a stress ball. Like we don't realize that we're this walking around like this like crazy stress case, right? Like until we stop and we're like, okay, when I was my best self, I was calm, I was patient, I wasn't having stomach issues, I wasn't having anxiety or chest pain. Um, I wasn't having bad sleeps, I wasn't having headaches, I wasn't having um another big one is memory loss or being able to get your words out. And it's like, okay, so now in this new lifestyle, are you experiencing all those things or one of them or a couple of them? And all of my clients say yes. So now we're looking at a nervous system that is feels normal, but it's highly unregulated, but they're they're used to it now. So if you're and then that leads, if you're not paying attention, that leads to awful health conditions. Like even just high cortisol alone can lead to extreme health conditions. And then you're looking at long-term like health like reactions, right? Like your chronic, chronic anything, like it could be your hormones, it could be chronic stomach issues, chronic heart conditions, mental health. Right, right. So it's like we it's kind of a broad statement, but every single client is different and unique. So it's hard to pinpoint that, but it's just you need to go back and reflect to like when was I my best self? And when was I not having a lot of these signs and symptoms?

SPEAKER_01 14:29

Yeah, when I'm I have a list, it's like a hundred different symptoms that I use with my clients that use all the different things that could be showing up in your body. I know for me, when I was in one of my um most dysregulated states, I used to literally walk around the house in circles and keep saying, I don't know what to do. I'm so confused, I'm so confused, I'm so confused. And it was just this this fog that I cannot get out of.

SPEAKER_00 14:58

And it's like out of body, right? Like it's like you're just kind of there.

SPEAKER_01 15:03

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was horrible. And and and the sad thing is when we finally do come out of those spaces, a lot of times we feel like our our life is boring. Calm feels boring because you've lived this high stressed life for so long that it's like, is this all there is? You know, yeah, it it's pretty scary when normal is boring.

SPEAKER_00 15:29

Yeah, I actually just had a client, uh, we were just talking about that. How well she's like, but this guy is so boring. She's having like went from a traumatic marriage, separated, and now trying to date again. And she's like, and even for myself, like I've met guys who are beautiful souls, and I'm like, I just can't connect because I obviously I'm not healed yet. Like you are a safe human and I don't feel safe with you. So that tells me huge data that I'm still healing. Um, but it was the same with this week. I just talked to her and it was like, well, he's boring. I'm like, but is he boring or are you just used to that abuse? And give it like a few weeks to a month of being with this person, trying with this person, and then establishing an opinion because sometimes, well, not all the time, it takes our nervous system to adjust to the environment. Unsafe environments should be calm and boring, right? You just gotta make your own fun, but it shouldn't be like chaos fun, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:45

Exactly, exactly. So, how do you learn to trust? Well, first, let's talk about intuition and what intuition is and how do we how does it play out in this and learning to trust ourselves? Is that a loaded question?

SPEAKER_00 17:05

Yes and no, like because when we're in survival mode, we we can't access our intuition. Okay, we really can't. We can't like when we're in survival mode, like you know, our body can only focus on things to get us through that moment. So it like shuts everything else out, and it's like, I need to walk, I need to speak, I need to breathe, I need to function. That's it. Like, let's let's get you through this moment as a human walking through these doors, right? But you're not you're not gonna be able to like stress on its own highly affects that part of our brain with memory and cognition and learning how to tune into our subconscious mind. We we can't access that, it actually blocks us from doing that. So when I say intuition, like that's like your gut instinct, or like, do I do I make this decision? Yeah, that feels right in my body. You can't do that, you can't do that when you're highly stressed. So I think it's important to be able to come up with different strategies that work with you every single day to get you in that calm state every day. And sometimes my clients use my tools and techniques multiple times a day, just if they're having a hard day. And it's only when we can really calm ourselves that we can utilize that part of our brain.

SPEAKER_01 18:50

So um did you answer the self-trust? Oh, so we have to heal first in order to access that part of our brain, and then we can start trusting ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

So, self-trust, I like to talk to my clients about boundaries because boundaries are a really great way to learn how to trust ourselves again. So, when we set a boundary with somebody who has made us feel any sort of yucky feeling, um, and we follow that boundary over time, our brain is gonna feel like it trusts itself again. Like those are some good decisions I've made. I'm gonna keep making decisions, and then I'm gonna make bolder decisions. And it's it's built over time. But if you need to learn to trust yourself again, I like to start with simple boundaries that you can keep. Because if you break your own boundaries, your body doesn't trust itself, neither does its your brain. Like it just is not following through with things. So you can only self-trust when you start showing yourself that you're gonna show up for yourself every day in routine or and in boundaries. And that's a big thing for my clients is what's a very small boundary that you know you can do every day and actually stick with it.

SPEAKER_01 20:28

Wow. A small one. A small one.

SPEAKER_00 20:31

It can't be you can't go big right out, right out the gate, right? Like you gotta, if you're if you're really struggling with that, like with something little. How about don't say yes to everything? Yeah, right. That's a hard one. Yeah, don't say okay to everything. Yeah, don't say so. One of my clients, um, her boundary that we were working on is she apologized for herself for absolutely everything in every conversation. And I was like, What are you sorry for? Like, you've literally done nothing wrong, and it was such um a behavior that she developed over time out of insecurity. So that was uh one that we were working on. Don't say sorry today.

SPEAKER_01 21:23

Yeah, and I you know that's interesting because I really most people don't think of that as even a boundary, but it's a boundary with self. Yes, yes, yes, self-boundaries. Yeah, that's that's pretty cool. Um, so how do you help women get out of survival mode? Um with somatic you you do somatic practices. Explain to me what somatic practices are.

SPEAKER_00 21:49

So somatic practices are movement, breath work, learning how to move the energy through our body, different things like that. Um, and it's If you're new to this and you are stuck in a chronic survival mode, the biggest thing that I share with my clients is just trying to ground ourselves every day. I don't because if I come in hot and I'm like, I want you to do A, B, C, and D every day, it takes you 30 minutes. Like that, if your system's already maxed out, like that is overwhelming.

SPEAKER_02 22:26

Right.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

Like one more thing is gonna put you over the edge, whether it's a happy thing or negative thing.

SPEAKER_02 22:32

Right.

SPEAKER_00 22:33

And and we can't do that. Like if you are maxed out and and I'm just like, you need to do this for 30 minutes every day. Like that's that might push you over the edge.

SPEAKER_02 22:42

Right.

SPEAKER_00 22:42

Even if it's positive stuff. So I like to like if you're really, really struggling and you can't you actually like you can't how do I say this? You can't commit to anything else. I like to get them to ground themselves. So no matter what your day looks like, and I like to use the the bathroom because everyone goes to the bathroom X amount of times a day. Okay. So I like to use the bathroom. Uh every single day, even on your good days, every time you go to the bathroom, I want you to either close your eyes. If but some people can't close their eyes because they don't feel safe with their eyes closed due to PTSD or whatever. Um, so if you can't, if you don't feel safe closing your eyes, fixate on something. So I like to fixate on the tap. So you either close your eyes and you fixate on the tap, and your feet are flat on the floor, and you have one hand on your heart and one hand on your belly. And you're just gonna stand there and you're gonna do 10 breaths, like deep, slow breaths, and you're gonna press on your heart so you can feel your heart, and you and you're just gonna feel your belly expand and contract, and you're gonna feel your heartbeat, and you're fixated, or your eyes are closed, and it literally just like shuts you down. And if if that's what you can do every time you go to the bathroom that day, that's incredible because it it honestly just kind of shuts all the senses off, regrounds you, recenters, and like the maternal part of the heartbeat is huge. Like even in the womb, that's what we connected with, right? So the heartbeat is a sacred sound feeling at a human level for us to feel comfort, and then the focus of the breath, on the other hand, feeling the breath, your belly go in and out is kind of just focuses your brain. So that act in itself, if that's all you can do to get started for a few weeks, that's what we're doing.

SPEAKER_01 24:55

Right. And this is to just even calm, start learning to calm our nervous system. Okay. Um, so is that what you mean also when you say moving energy through your body?

SPEAKER_00 25:09

So there's different, like as you want to progress and learn strategies, there is different movements like um like belly breathing, like breath of fire. Like it depends on where you're at on your healing journey, but I won't implement that stuff if it's gonna stress you out.

SPEAKER_01 25:25

Depends too much.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

Yeah. So once you're you are moving through the healing process and you're like, you know what, I can I can add the breath of fire to like move that energy out. Like then we'll start that practice. Um, moving our hips in certain ways is really, really great for that too. But again, it depends on where you're at and how how much you can give to yourself. And that comes in waves too. Like, I have clients that I've worked with for a few years, and life happens, you know. Sometimes, like for months, they're like fully committed and they're doing so many cool things for regulation, and then their life happens. And we're back to square one. Okay, cool. Let's start with breath. Right? Like it's just it just depends on where you're at.

SPEAKER_01 26:18

So, what are some signs of someone that's living in survival mode? Even if they because a lot of times strong women, successful women that look like they have it all together, especially on the outside, because a lot of people looking like, oh, well, you don't have any problems, you know. What are what are some of the signs that they need to look for to know that they're also in survival mode? Because again, we we know it when it's trauma, we know we know the the abuses, but I'm confused with how I'm trying to say this.

SPEAKER_00 26:55

No, I know so, like, yeah, if the source of your trauma, if it's abuse or toxic relationship or whatever, you know that there's a source. But let's say you had like what you're saying, let's say you had a great life, you have a great relationship, you have a great job financially, you're great, right? But life is still lifing, like you can still have shitty people in your life, or you can still have an overly scheduled schedule, and it's just like puts you over the edge. I have a friend like that where her life is beautiful and her family is amazing and supportive, but her life is so busy that she doesn't have a minute to even pause for herself, and now she's burnt out and she's struggling to even maintain the norm in her family dynamic. And I'd always say, like, here's a toxic trait. If you can't stop and slow down, then you're overly stressed, right? No matter how perfect your life is, if you're go, go, go and you don't even know how to stop and sit on the couch and watch a show, like that that tells you something. Or if you are maybe you have a high achieving job, but the pressure of maintaining that high achieving job to support your family, like that's stress in itself, too. I can't take a day off because if I take a day off, then I can't afford my lifestyle.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

Right. My world falls apart. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:38

Or you are like male or female, if you are the the breadwinner in your family, and you like you're and the other one's a stay-at-home parent, that pressure to make that money consistently, not get sick, not take a day off. I can't even take vacation because then I can't afford my kids' hockey bill next next month.

SPEAKER_02 29:03

Right.

SPEAKER_00 29:03

Like it's that stuff too, right? You don't have to have trauma to have an unregulated nervous system.

SPEAKER_01 29:10

Right. So how I mean, how do we even get in these situations?

SPEAKER_00 29:14

And that's I think it's our society. We, you know, we have such a fast-paced world. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna say I know a lot of people don't like to talk about COVID, but during COVID times, I'll be bold about this. I thought it was fucking beautiful. I got to sit at home, the streets were quiet, I got to be with my kids every day, all day. Go to parks where it was peaceful and no one was there because everyone was scared. I was the only one at the park every day.

SPEAKER_02 29:49

Right.

SPEAKER_00 29:50

Like, and I go, I go for a walk around town with my kids, and or I go into the city, like I live out of town, and it was like an apocalypse. It was like the world shut, there's no cars anywhere. And I was like, it's amazing. Because we were forced to stop, we were forced to pause. And I am gonna say this again boldly. After everything opened back up from COVID, our nervous got nervous system got used to the calm, the quiet. Yeah, it was stressful thinking about the health concerns, but once you were in your little bubble and you did your own thing and it was calm, going back into like normal times where everything's running full speed ahead, that messed with a lot of people's nervous systems because we got used to doing working from home or doing things quietly. All the sports stopped. My kids are all in competitive sports to have a year and a half of no sports. I was like, right, wow, we can play soccer outside and still be active.

SPEAKER_01 30:59

Right. Yeah, you know, I noticed that when we did get back to normal life, it seemed like even the drivers were more chaotic. It's and more and more people were speeding and angry. And I now that you say that, as far as the our nervous system being dysregulated again, because we got used to that calm, it's like all that stress just they couldn't handle it. People got crazy, literally, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:31

And then, like, if you uh a lot of my close friends are healthcare workers in some capacity, whether they're ambulance firefighters or nurses or doctors, and they were all forced to be like fully in it. Wow, and the stuff that they saw and had to deal with rocked their nervous systems.

SPEAKER_01 31:54

Yeah, yeah. I had a few friends that quit after all of that.

SPEAKER_00 31:57

Yes, not only from what you're seeing, which is horrific, like people are passing away and it's chaos, and don't touch this and do this, and all this stuff, and all these rules, and you're like hazmat suit, and just it's it was crazy.

SPEAKER_01 32:11

It was a scary time.

SPEAKER_00 32:13

Crazy. So you're dealing with more death, more rules, more regulations, trying to be safe for yourself. So, because the fear of everything was put on you from our government, and then you come home to your own family and you scrub everything off because apparently you could set spread germs in your home too, coming home from hospital. So it's like all that stress, like the people that I know, like they have some of them have PTSD from it from what they've experienced.

SPEAKER_01 32:43

Right. Right. So mentioning PTSD, when people come out of traumatic even relationships, they do deal with a lot of PTSD symptoms. Do you treat your clients differently? The ones that have um or with the ones that have obvious PTSD responses, or do you treat them all and assume they all are gonna have some type of stress disorder after?

SPEAKER_00 33:12

That's a good question. Um to be honest, a nervous system is a nervous system. Um, but the biggest thing is I can't I don't have a one-size-fits-all uh plan for coaching. Um, every single one of my clients is extremely unique in their childhood, their adulthood, in their situations, um, whether it's relationship-wise or career-wise or trauma-wise. Um, and their symptoms are all vastly different. Uh, each one of us is so uniquely biologically made that every single one of my clients I handle differently in terms of uh how and why, and finding the source and uh retraining our our mind and our body. But all the techniques are the same, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 34:14

Yeah. I mean, like you said, a nervous system is a nervous system, so calming a nervous system is calming a nervous system. Yeah, that's like that's a I have a hard time with um helping people understand the traumatic responses to your body. Um, I had a situation just a few weeks ago where I I spiraled. It was a it was a clean spiral, it wasn't traumatic. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 34:43

I've had a few clean ones lately too. I like that. I call them mini menti bees because I'm like, I'm still in control, but I feel it.

SPEAKER_01 34:52

I feel it, and they went into some whole thing of if you just let it go, and I'm like, no, you don't understand. This was a PTSD moment. This was something happened, and I knew what happened. I felt it in my body the moment it happened, and then it compounded because something else happened on top of it. And for people to just constantly dismiss what happens in our bodies, this is not nobody's walking around, running around just trying to, hey, um, see me over here. I was in this relationship, you have to do things, you have to be nice to me, you have to cuddle me, you have to, nobody's doing that. Nobody, nobody wants to feel what we're feeling. This is not pleasant. And if they were actually aware in their own bodies, they would they would understand, they would pay attention to you, and they would also know that no, you sometimes you need some help. So, how do you help people in your own personal life understand? Because you coming out of your traumatic situation. I'm sure you had naysayers, I'm sure you had people that just didn't get it.

SPEAKER_00 36:02

Oh, yeah, they're like, Buck up, like you're fine, like it's okay. And I'm like, well, no, it's not okay. Um, to be honest, I had I personally had to make bold decisions in who I allowed in my energy field. Like, I had two years where I used this uh motto, control alt-delete. And I was like, yeah, no, you're deleted, and just like not even talk about it, just quietly remove them, quietly stop trying. Um also to know who to talk to about stuff. Like I have people in my life who I I know that I'm not gonna bring up a certain subject or two because I know their opinion on it. So I've if unless I want to know someone's opinion on something, I don't share it.

SPEAKER_01 37:06

Right.

SPEAKER_00 37:07

But yeah, there's a lot of people who are like, well, just suck it up or f your feelings, or like, you know what I mean? Like they're just but those those people are unhealed. And I've noticed, and so of my clients who have done the work notice that once you are trying to heal and actively healing, um, the people who are not healing are very noticeable.

SPEAKER_02 37:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:40

Like very noticeable, like they stand out. And and at that point, like you just know that I'm not gonna talk to this person about this, or I'm not gonna bring up this topic, or when they do react and it's a big reaction, you just stay calm because you know that they're gonna just keep going.

SPEAKER_01 38:04

Yeah, and that's you know, that healing, that's part of that self-trust, too. You have to learn to trust yourself in order to be strong enough to do that because we spend so much time explaining, and like you said, your client that always apologizes and trying to get people to understand. And when you get to a certain level of healing, you just know you just know, and it's like I don't need your validation, I know my lived experience, I know what's happening, I know what happened to me, and I know what's happening to me now, and that's not your place to tell me.

SPEAKER_00 38:42

Well, and even even knowing, like if I explain this to you, I don't think you have the capacity to understand. Yeah, I'm I just don't even think you'd get it. Yeah, so yeah, really understanding who your your world is. Um I made my circle very small, but it's a powerful circle. I even tell my kids this um don't give your energy to people who don't deserve it. You can be nice and friendly, always be kind, right, but don't give more of your energy to people that don't deserve it.

SPEAKER_02 39:27

Right.

SPEAKER_00 39:28

And I I like push that in my kids so much, like our energy is so sacred, and a lot of people don't realize that. And it's like, yeah, we can do all the healing work, and yes, okay, yes, I've been healing for years, but I now need to work on my empowerment. How am I how am I now gonna hold that healing, hold that space for myself to now um make those bolder boundaries, have more of a voice, um, hold my own, um, have that confidence where I can make bigger decisions for myself. Right. So, like it's there's little phases to healing, and and like the first phase is definitely self-trust and self-love and and just starting with learning to ground yourself.

SPEAKER_01 40:24

So, how do you rebuild? Once you get past all of this survival mode and learn to trust yourself, um, what does rebuilding look like?

SPEAKER_00 40:35

I like saying the term pleasure over pressure. Once you are past the deep stuff, I mean you're always gonna have it. You're always gonna have triggers, always. But once you're past like the deep stuff, like like with you with your your moment, you know, like you recognize it. So like that means you're healing because we're allowed to, we now recognize, okay, this is a trigger, I'm feeling this sort of way, and now I can work through it because I have the tools to work through it. That's that's healing, right? But in order to keep moving forward, because we're always gonna have those moments, I now make sure every choice I make in my life, is it gonna caught like cause me pressure or is it gonna bring me pleasure? And that that alone, like even like little things like food, if I eat that stuff, will it bring me like will I feel like crap after? Probably. So I'm not gonna do it. So then I have a few bites, I just have a few little like magical bites, but I don't like gorge on it. But like that's like something so simple, and it's like right, right.

SPEAKER_02 41:59

It's like wine, it's so pleasurable right now, but I'm gonna have problems later, right?

SPEAKER_00 42:06

So just have a few little sips or little little half glass and then dump the bottle out. I don't know.

unknown 42:13

Right.

SPEAKER_00 42:15

Yeah, that's how I like to tell my client, like, let's rebuild by now building up your confidence, making you feel so empowered that you can do what you want to do and make those choices to be about pleasure instead of pressure. And maybe that's a career choice or a shift, or maybe that's a relationship shift. Maybe you need to not talk to those family members for a few years.

unknown 42:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:42

Right? Yeah, yeah, definitely. Wow. So your program, what do you I saw? What did I say?

SPEAKER_00 42:52

Yeah, so I like to work, so I have two capacities. If you want to just learn the different tips or tricks, or you need some intuitive insight, I have a one-off offer. It's just a one-time session with me. Um, intuitive insight means maybe you need um my psychic gift to help you understand uh a trauma that happened in the past, or a decision that you want to make for the future, or something that's happening in your relationship, and you want to um intuitively understand what that other person is thinking or doing. Um, or you can learn the different tips and tricks on different strategies for nervous systems. So I offer a 45 minute session with me, video, phone, whatever works. Um, I do it on Zoom or WhatsApp. Or if you want to dive into learning strategies and actually working on your nervous system due to a situation at hand, I have seen the Results with 12 weeks. Um, because the first few weeks, we're really understanding the source, we're diving deep into the source and figuring that out and and making those little shifts and little tweaks. And by by like the last the month, like mind you, everyone I've worked with have stayed on with me for way longer. I have clients for like three plus years right now, which is a blessing. Um, but what that looks like is you get me for once a week on video or phone call. Um, but then you also get me in a private chat, which is a 24-7 chat access. The reason I have that um is because in our society, traditional therapy, I kind of like it, but I don't because there's some big gaps. Um, when I was going through some heavy trauma trying to heal, everyone's like, oh, go to therapy. Here's a trauma therapist, here's a PTSD therapist, here's a whatever, right? Like therapy, therapy, therapy. Cool. Did all my therapy, but what I didn't like was that um I had to brain dump every time I had a therapy session. And I was so let's say I'm booked once a week for six months with my therapist. I'm I'm getting triggered on day three and four, and I have to wait five more days to go and talk to my therapist and then tell them that trigger and brain dump it all and relive that trigger. Like that fucking sucked. It really did. And so when I started talking about it out loud on social media, like, are you struggling with this gap in therapy? Like, let's chat. Um, literally all my clients were like, I'm leaving my therapist and coming to you.

SPEAKER_02 45:59

Wow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:00

Because, and and I'm not saying that to like like an as an ego, it was like that, they're struggling with this. Like, yeah, I'm not healing because I'm not in the moment.

SPEAKER_01 46:11

Yeah, I had someone tell me today, they're like, Oh my gosh, my appointment with my therapist is not till next week, but they just had this huge blow up with a family member, and they're like, I I just they were they can't wait till it gets here. So you do need support now, sometimes a lot of the time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:30

Yeah. So in my 24-7 chat access, I encourage you if you're feeling a certain way or something happened, you text me and we work in the moment to heal that moment. I mean, still like it's gonna take time, but like at least in the moment, I'm able to ground you. I'm able to explain to you why that happened, how that happened, how you're feeling. Let's work through that. Um, that's been life-changing for all of my clients.

SPEAKER_01 46:59

I'm sure. Yeah. But you're not up 24-7.

SPEAKER_00 47:05

I only have a set amount of clients at a time. Um, and uh honestly, like I'm up pretty late. I only get like five, six hours of sleep. That's my sweet spot. I love it. Um, I've only had a few times where a few clients have messaged me to three in the morning, but like one, her dad passed away. Cool, I'm call you right away. You know, let's, you know, on that, like they respect time frames. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:33

Um they're decent human beings, right?

SPEAKER_00 47:36

They're not gonna like text me all night, but like if if you're having like like one of my clients uh two months ago messaged me at three something in the morning, like, I'm having a panic attack. Kate, give me a sec. I'll you know what I mean? Like, I have it's not all the time, and it's it's something that I want to do for my people, and I know my capacity. I only have X amount of private clients at a time because yeah, that would be crazy, and then I run out. But yeah, no, sometimes it's it's mainly during the day and evenings, and and uh like I'm a sport mom and I'm on the sidelines just like at practice five days a week. So I'm just like I'd rather text my people than watch practice over and over again. I mean, I'm fully engaged in games, but right practice gets a bit boring, to be honest. Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 48:31

I understand. My daughter played basketball, it seems like since birth throughout college and all year round. She was in competitive sports. It's like, oh my gosh, if I have to go to another practice, you know, it's like so. I did all my shopping around practices, like, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:47

Practices are yeah, yeah, they're the worst.

SPEAKER_01 48:52

So I love, love, love the story going back to the beginning. You're talking about your daughters comforting you. What do you what are you teaching them now to keep them from getting in this high functioning, over functioning, stressful place in their life? What roadmap are you setting for them?

SPEAKER_00 49:19

Um, monkey see, monkey do kind of thing. I hey mom's mom's needs a moment. I'm really stressed right now. I'll talk about that with you in a few minutes. Um hey, you know what? Mom needs some alone time because I had a hard day. So I'm gonna go and and maybe do whatever, right? Like it's speaking out loud of how I'm gonna regulate myself. Um, they see me meditate. They they if they hear my meditation music on, they'll they'll like peek in the door and they're like, Are you meditating? Yeah, okay, mom. I'm okay. Like it's so cute, right? And so, um, I mean, and faith, faith is a big one. Uh, so I talked to everyone's faith is different. I talk to my spirit guides, um, and I I catch my kids talking at to theirs at night, which is cute, right? But they they see me do stuff like that. Um they see me exercise. Hey, but I word it, I've when I when they were little, I would say, like, you know, um, I would explain it. I said, you know, my mom, mom's chest feels really tight, or my body feels really angry right now. So I'm gonna go and exercise. So explaining why and and the feelings, I did that at a very young age with them. Like, actually, even my youngest was just being a little jerk for the last few days. Um, really big emotions, just being disrespectful. Um, and I was like, you're giving me chest pain. My my chest feels really tight, buddy, and you're giving me chest pain, and it's making me not feel good. So I need space from you right now. Okay, mom. And then he comes and gives me a hug like an hour later. So, like anything like that, if you can explain the physical symptom, explain why you're doing it. Hey, I'm stressed, or I had a bad day, or I had I had a bad phone call, or work sucked today, or I'm really overtired. So I'm I'm just gonna watch a show. You can watch it with me, but my doors open if you don't want to, you know, like just be very vocal about why. And they they pick up on it and they do it's they do all the things that I do, which is cute.

SPEAKER_01 51:52

That's big because I think especially us as mom, it's parents, period, but as moms and women, we try to put on this brave face a lot of the time, and we think that we're actually protecting our children from whatever's going on, but your children actually feel you, they know they don't, and and it's probably causing even more damage because they don't know why mom is having such a hard time. I believe in being open with my children, also, you know, but it it just does so much more good for them and uh even communication as women, it does good for other women for us to share what we're doing, of course. Like you saying, we have to protect ourselves, we have to know who to talk to, who to give our energy and things to. But if we could just be more open, be a little bit more vulnerable and honest with one another, there's no telling what that really can help people get through.

SPEAKER_00 52:57

It gives the kids a reason to put their feelings with a symptom. So it gives them that language and it gives them also that um outlet to what I'm doing to help that. So even like if you're in a even if you aren't a single parent like myself and you have a partner, it's it is still okay to say, um, dad's words upset me today. So I'm I'm gonna go for a walk.

SPEAKER_02 53:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 53:31

Or, you know, mom's big emotions really upset me today. So dad's gonna go and exercise. Like that's okay because kids see and hear all the things. E I swear they like, even while they're asleep, they hear stuff. So uh even if it's behind closed doors, if your energy is off as a parent, whether you're single or together in a happy family or not a happy family, the kids pick up on everything, and it's so important for you as a parent, male or female, to say I am feeling this way because that person, you don't have to go into detail, exactly, exactly, but like, oh mom mom's reactions to dad today made me feel yucky. Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna go and shower. Yeah, like you don't need to say mom cheated on me and blah blah blah blah blah. Like mom's actions today made me feel yucky inside, right? That's understandable to a kid, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 54:43

Yes, it's all age appropriate, guys.

SPEAKER_00 54:46

Yeah, yes. But that even like speaking like that, that helps your nervous system. It puts a reason to why you feel a certain way, and that that's an understanding.

SPEAKER_01 55:00

It's awareness, yeah. It shows that you're aware, yeah. Well, this was great. I have so much more that we could talk about, and now we're kind of running for I heard the the timer, and I want to respect my own boundaries of staying on time so that I can get some things done. Um I've got things I've got dancing to do tonight. So pleasure over what'd you say again? Pleasure over pressure, pleasure over pressure. Yes, I've got something pleasurable to do, and if I don't get off of this call, it's gonna apply pressure. Right. Exactly. Yes. So do you have anything, final something, anything you want to say to our listeners?

SPEAKER_00 55:52

If anyone wants uh some free guidance, they can reach me out at my landing page um at www.haly-coleman.com. Uh and I will reach out to you personally if you give me your I have a little teeny form, so I'll just fill it out and yeah, we can set up a free chat and see how I can support you. And yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:18

Okay, well, thank you so much, Haley. This was very informative. I learned some things, and I'm gonna go and go get me a rope and start skipping. There you go. Keep my I don't want to lose any more weight, but yeah, just I want to keep stay regulated. So yeah, so I just want to say to everyone, thanks for listening. To don't ask me shit where the truth might be uncomfortable, but it I promise you, it will definitely set you free. If something you heard here today hit home, sit in it, process it, and decide what you're gonna do next. Don't just ignore it, make a decision today. So remember you can always ask Coach Dory, but if you're not ready to do the work, don't ask me shit. All righty. So um see ya next time. Share this if you like it. If you heard something or whatever they say, click like, share, subscribe, all that kind of stuff. Yes, all right.

SPEAKER_02 57:18

See ya.