From Chaos to Queen Energy: Stop Playing Small and Reclaim Your Power

In this powerful episode of Don’t Ask Me Sht*, Coach Dorie sits down with transformation coach and Tony Robbins trainer Holly Fair for a raw, inspiring conversation about what it really takes to go from chaos to queen energy.

Holly opens up about her deeply personal journey through trauma, including childhood abuse, abandonment, divorce, and the heartbreaking loss of a pregnancy. She shares how these experiences shaped her identity, leaving her feeling unworthy, unseen, and stuck in survival mode for years. At her lowest point, Holly describes spending nearly two years isolated in grief - until one unexpected moment sparked a life-changing shift.

After discovering a Tony Robbins event, Holly made a decision that would redefine her life. In a breakthrough moment on stage, she declared, “I am a queen,” and began the process of reclaiming her worth, her voice, and her power. What followed was not an overnight transformation, but a committed journey of healing, discipline, and identity work.

One of the most powerful symbols of her transformation was her #CrownDayEveryDay challenge - wearing a crown daily for nearly two years. What started as a simple experiment became a profound tool for rewiring her mindset, stepping out of hiding, and fully owning her presence in the world.

Together, Dorie and Holly dive into the realities of self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and the societal pressures women face when they choose to show up boldly. They also explore what true “queen energy” looks like - grounded in self-worth, authenticity, and lifting other women up instead of tearing them down.

This episode is a reminder that healing is messy, growth requires courage, and you don’t need permission to become the woman you were always meant to be.

Connect with Holly at https://fireuplife.com/

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:31

Welcome to Don't Ask Me Shit, the podcast, where we stop pretending, we stop sugarcoating, and we stop dancing around the real issues. I'm Coach Dory, your stress management and relationship recovery coach, where I come and help people heal from toxic families, friendships, and romantic partners. We're here to tell the truth, even if it stings a little. Our guest today is Holly Fair, a powerhouse transformation coach, keynote speaker, Tony Raman's trainer, and someone who helps thousands break through their limiting beliefs and create extraordinary lives. With a rare blend of warmth, wisdom, and actionable strategies, Holly doesn't just inspire change. She gives people the exact tools to make it stick. Whether she's coaching high achievers, speaking on global stages, including Tony Robbins events, or writing best-selling books, her superpower is turning aha moments into lasting results. So today I welcome Holly Fair. Holly, how are you doing today?

SPEAKER_02 1:36

I am so excited to be here with you, Dory. I think you are amazing. I've been following you on your podcast and love this, the whole premise of yes, let's talk about those things that others are afraid to. And yeah, if you don't want to go there, yeah, this isn't the place for you.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

We're ready to go. So I'm so glad to have this. Is a I've been waiting for weeks to have this conversation with you. If for those that don't know who this person is, this I you know I'm quirky. If you know me personally, I'm quirky. When I saw her profile, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I'm like, this is my people, these are my people. She's my people. I just fell in love with her instantly. Fell in love with you instantly. I'm talking to you, right? So I fell in love with you instantly. So I just can't wait to hear what you have to share with us today. Um, even before for the listeners, even before we got on this call, I was freaking out. Most of you guys know I freak out, and she just calmed me down and brought me in with her magic, and I'm just so excited for her to share that with you all today. So um, I'm looking for my questions again.

SPEAKER_02 2:53

This is perfect. This is exactly perfect. I am thrilled to be here on your podcast. I find that the quirkier the better. We all have these beautiful quirks about us, and I like to call them quirks too. So we we're on the same page there. It's all about owning our quirks.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Yes, yes, yes, and living, showing up imperfectly perfect. You know, a lot of times we try to um present this face to the world that we've got it all together and everything is just fine and peachy keen. And it's actually ties right into what we're talking about today. And on the inside, we're drowning and we have things going on, and our world is in chaos, and all these tornadoes and storms are going on, and people can't see that. And sometimes it just if we just open up and be a little vulnerable and reach out and ask for help, we can get the help that we need in those moments. So, um, with that being said, um, you've had some as like a lot of people, you've had some um chaos in your life, you've had some traumatic events and things. Can you tell me a little bit about some of your lowest points and how it got you to where you are now?

SPEAKER_02 4:11

Yes, I will start with the sexual abuse as a child. Uh, and that I find, and I'm sure you've heard more people are going through that, both men and women go through that. And thankfully, now we're able to talk about it more without the taboos. Uh, this was back in the 80s when this happened, and so it was the era of we're just going to brush it under the rug and we don't talk about it. And now, you know, thankfully, we are facing these things. And and uh that was something that really shaped who I was as an adolescent, as a teenager, as a as a young adult, in feeling like I wasn't enough, no one loved me, that I wasn't worthy of protection or safety if, and it was a relative, you know, if if someone who was supposed to protect me and love me was going to to really defile me in that way, um, went through uh uh what the time was abandonment. I now can look back and see, okay, it, you know, it all happened for a reason and and for the highest good. My father left my mom and I when I was 13, and that was devastating in its own right. And a couple of marriages that didn't last, so divorce, found the man of my dreams, and on paper everything was great, waited to have a baby until it was the right time, and that right time my biology didn't want to play along. I was able to conceive, I got pregnant, it was an ectopic pregnancy, and a super low point was when the doctor is saying we need to take you in, emergency surgery, and and I had just heard the heartbeat. And so I knew that there was this baby alive, this little being inside me, and she was being taken for my for my own help, uh, that it wouldn't be a sustainable pregnancy. And that was a super low point in itself. Uh not being able to conceive again after that, going through all the fertility treatments known to man, spending, you know, many tens of thousands of dollars on it and with nothing to show for it, I found myself at an extremely low point. Historically, my go-to when I'm sad and is to I retreat. And I spent nearly two years in my bed, like us, like in this drowning in this sorrow. I worked from home, I could, you know, I had a job where I was an online professor, I was great at it, I'd done it for enough years that I could kind of phone it in, um, do the bare minimum and get by. Other than that, I slept and cried and suffered. I didn't ask for help yet on the inside I was dying. And in one of my Netflix-induced comas, I happened on a Netflix documentary called I'm Not Your Guru about the Tony Robbins event, Date with Destiny. I had to stop watching it to go grab my husband and say, you've got to watch this with me. And by the end of it, I said, Okay, babe, we are going to this event. And we signed up, and I just felt like, okay, this is this is the hope. This is that glimmer of hope. Because otherwise, I didn't, I don't, there was no reason for me to even be around it anymore, is what you know I had felt.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

Right.

SPEAKER_02 8:10

And through this event, it's all about transforming, it's about finding out what you really want out of life and your next steps. And on the very last day of the event, and this was after I had, I mean, I took copious notes, I played full out, I was, I was just eating all this up. Tony Robbins calls me up on stage to do a process in front of 5,000 people. Oh, wow. And he had me go through these steps to really uh anchor in and integrate the change that I had talked about. And at one point he said, What would you have to forget to go back to that old sad life? And out of nowhere, I said, I would have to forget that I am a queen. Oh, wow. And on stage, I ceremoniously crowned myself and I walked with an invisible scepter and you know, trumped on the stage. People were cheering, they were screaming, they were on their chairs rooting for me. And in that moment, the story I had about I wasn't good enough, you know, I wasn't worthy of love, no one cared about me. I was alone like that. All these people saw me. I was vulnerable, I was raw. I was letting it all out. I was telling them how my house was a disaster and I had let go of my body. I had gained so much weight during that time. I was 276 pounds when I was on stage that day. And one of my goals was to get healthy, uh, to shed excess weight. My goal was 100 pounds. And after the event, I, you know, really got serious. I got a personal trainer, I, you know, a nutritionist, got a life coach myself, and you know, did all these things. I learned from the experts and I worked hard. I mean, I worked hard and started shedding the weight. The a fun thing during this time is I was in Paris on a vacation.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 10:18

And we were visiting this old medieval fortress, and I I had bought a crown, you know, and I thought, oh, this would be fun for photos and things. So I took it on the trip and I put this crown on, and I'm doing the photos, and I had so many people say, Wow, you know, that's really cool. I like that. But I thought, hmm, there might be something more to this. And so I decided, okay, this would be fun. I'm gonna do this experiment. I'm gonna wear it every day for a month. And then a month turned into three months, which turned into a year, which turned into just under two years. I wore it everywhere. I wore it to the grocery store, and I'll I'll put it in right on right now for uh the viewer pleasure. I wore it out running, walking my dog, pulling weeds in my front garden. You name it, I wore it, and it allowed me to come out of this. I'm hiding, I'm I'm scared to you know be seen by the world, and something that uh anyone who has dealt with weight uh fluctuations can probably tell you the bigger you are, at least in my experience, the more invisible you feel. It's like people don't see you. And so I was hiding in multiple ways, not just in my bedroom, but you know, with this extra weight and and not being seen. Well, we're in this bling, oh baby, people were noticing. And I had a couple of choices. I could either just sort of, oh no, they're looking at me, or I could meet their gaze and I could smile and I could head on, hey, and that opened conversations. People would, I got a lot of, oh, is it your birthday? Or are you in a pageant? Right. Yeah, you know, what pageant are you have you won? And I'm like, oh, that's so sweet. You know, I I'm living my queen life, and you're a queen too, and you're a king. It's not about being the queen for me, it's about being a queen, right? It's about finding that royalty within, and this helped to anchor in, yeah, I'm a queen. I show up. Yeah. And through showing up for myself, the weight ended up the last 30, 40 pounds. And when I say this, I know it sounds trite. Oh, the weight just fell off. It did. Like it was almost like my mind, my body said, Oh, guess what? Thanks. Like, we're done. It just released it, it just yeah, it just kind of fell off. And so since that, that was in 2018, I've lost 145 pounds.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

Wow, congratulations.

SPEAKER_02 13:17

Thank you. So I weigh less than I've lost, uh, which like is a huge thing, and I've kept it off.

SPEAKER_00 13:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:27

Now Tony plays that intervention in the virtual world. It has been seen by literally hundreds of thousands of people now. He has me come up every year on stage and say, Okay, here's the woman I showed you who played full out, and and I've been in the audience again, and and have seen people get into it and be inspired by the way I played, because I I mean I went for it and I showed, like, yes, this is how you do it, and then to see me now, all these years later, and go, wow, this works. Yeah, you do the work, it works. And so I've been so blessed to now again be full circle that now I'm on Tony's stage, and I am in that best self me showing up and and again showing that this is possible.

SPEAKER_01 14:25

That's awesome! That is so one oh, that's a beautiful story. Um, but I have to ask, it your transition from that day that you made a decision to where you are now. The way you tell the story is so beautiful, it almost sounds like it's like it was easy. Yeah, but we know that it's not. I mean, you wore the crown for 730 days, right? I'm sure that imposter in you showed up over and over and over and over again. What would you say to people? What did you do at those times that you doubted yourself? Because you even mentioned that part of you wanted to shrink when people saw, like, oh, they're watching me. You went from being invisible to now everyone's seeing me with this crowd. Um, what was that like for you? What were some of the things that you did to keep yourself on track?

SPEAKER_02 15:26

The funny thing, uh I realized that, and it didn't take very long to realize that I've always wanted to shine. That was in me. As a little girl, I would just dance and sing and play, and and I was joyful before the abuse happened. I remember being that just that little, you know, spirited sprighty, oh, you know, life is beautiful. And that came back to me because that's always been in me.

SPEAKER_01 16:00

Right.

SPEAKER_02 16:01

And I was allowing myself, I this gave me permission to then show up. Uh funny thing, the harshest critic I had was my mother. She in her world, it's not safe to shine.

SPEAKER_01 16:22

Right.

SPEAKER_02 16:22

She, you know, is a head down, do what you're supposed to do, be a good girl, uh, follow the rules, don't ask questions. And so for her, my showing up like this was dangerous.

SPEAKER_01 16:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:36

And so she was the why are you wearing that? You're just getting all this attention. She saw it in a from her lens, from her worldview, that it wasn't safe. And figuring out how to interact with her in a way that, mom, I love you. And this is what I'm doing right now is I'm wearing the crown every day, and so here I am. And uh that was something that of all, you know, and I thought this is so sad. Of all the people, my mother should be the most uh supportive, and it was taking a step back and seeing, yeah, it in her world it it just that doesn't work, it's not safe. And at the same time, I believe that she really something deep down inside wished that she could also do that.

SPEAKER_01 17:34

Yeah, yeah. That's kind of similar. My mother and I have had this transition in our relationship, and we have a beautiful relationship now, but in my youth, in her trying to protect me, none of it was out of spite, but because of where they came from, you know, she didn't want me to fall victim to the buttons is kind of the opposite. Well, this is weird. Now that I'm thinking about it, because I've always too been that spirited kind of child, purple hair. I wear all kinds of goofy things, and my mother's like, Don't you leave my house like that? You got one more time, don't leave. So it's like part of her was so unknowingly shutting me down, but then there was this other part of her that me growing up as an African, a woman, number one, an African-American woman, she didn't want me to have to um conform to what standard jobs and things were for women. And so I always wanted to be a teacher, and her, she's like, no, do something that's gonna make you money, you know. She she pushed me, and it's it's so crazy because then I grew up, and what do I do? I teach. Exactly. We know what's in us as children if we allow ourselves and if we're allowed to express ourselves and just be our giftings, are already there, right? But a lot of women, unfortunately, because they still I'll say we, because I know I still have some female feminine rules to live by, because we play by these rules, we're not always as open when other women want to shine. There's this whole don't be too cocky, don't be a bitch.

SPEAKER_02 19:24

Right, yeah. If you're bossy, you're a bitch. Whereas if you're assertive, you're a bitch. Well, a man can ask for what he wants, and he's like, yo, yeah, that's great. A woman does an owl, you know, she's just bitchy.

SPEAKER_01 19:36

Yeah, yeah. And so, how many? I and you said that you dealt with that with your mother. Were there other women in your life that kind of like, uh, looked at you?

SPEAKER_02 19:46

There were a few that saw me as, oh, she just wants attention. Right. Which was fascinating because I really looked at that. You know, when you start hearing something from multiple sources, you go, Well, is it I, you know, am I the one that's like all right? So I examined, and for me, I realized that no, it wasn't about, hi everyone, look at me, adore me. For me, it was it was a way to connect with people, it was a way to start a conversation. And what I felt, I was like raising everybody up. You know, I for me, and I I always, when I work with clients, whatever their archetype is, like for me, it's a queen. I defined what a queen means to me. She is kind, she is loving, she is abundant, and she freely gives that abundance and the abundance of love and and money and you know, kindness and goodness, and you know, all those things. She walks with grace. She helps other women, you know, other queens when their crown is, you know, askew, she helps straighten it up and polish it up so that that queen can go through her day confidently. Um and I had a conversation about something similar just the other day, in that women we we do tend to uh unfortunately put each other down in different ways. Um the passive aggressive, or you know, just the oh well, and you've probably heard this. Oh well, the purple hair, that's great on you, but I could never wear that.

SPEAKER_00 21:28

Right.

SPEAKER_02 21:28

And it's like, well, what do you mean by that? Like, right, like is that supposed to be a compliment? Because it probably there's part compliment in there and also part like, oh, you're just too out there.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:41

You know, in a secure woman, I believe, is one who is able to say to another woman, wow, I like XYZ about you. And it doesn't need to be a physical feature, it can be you know, a feature about personality or or you. You know, their kindness, their love.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

Right.

SPEAKER_02 22:03

That shows the confidence in I know I am a beautiful woman.

SPEAKER_01 22:08

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 22:09

It doesn't diminish my beauty to tell you, wow, you are amazing. I like your style.

SPEAKER_01 22:16

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It no, it doesn't diminish who you are. And it actually lifts you up. It it it I'm lost for words. It's like it it you're you're lifting other women up, but it's showing a different um connection, a different. I can't I can't get the I know what I'm trying to, I know what I'm thinking, but it won't come out.

SPEAKER_02 22:46

Can it it allows other women to be seen and to feel seen?

SPEAKER_01 22:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 22:54

And I will have, you know, I'll I'll go up to a woman that, you know, I see there's a spark in her, and I'll, you know, tell her, wow, you're really dynamic. And and oftentimes I'll hear back later, you know, that really was meaningful coming from you. That because I, you know, people look up to us all the time and they don't voice it, right? Yes, you know, people admire things about us. I've made a conscious effort to acknowledge vocally the things that I see and that I think. Yes. And to then hear back, gosh, you know, coming from you, that really that's that much more meaningful.

SPEAKER_01 23:33

Right, right. Because they do see us as more women that we own our, we own our not just our aesthetics, but we own that quirkiness, we own that whatever that is that we take those chances to stand out. Yeah, this purple hair has been a point of contention with men and women for years now. It's like really, too many people are like, why are you wearing that? Who do you think you what you're too old to have purple hair? Does it and when I was married and I would do weird things with my hair, does your husband think that's okay? Well, my husband doesn't have to wear this color, he doesn't have to wear this hair. So do I need his permission to look like I want to look? Right, but the world expects us, and and a lot of women, unfortunately, still are looking for permission, not just from men, not just they're looking for permission in the world to from the world to be who they are. You know, I'm working on this um program right now, and it's called the 90-day life reset, and it's allowing women to come in and that person just disappeared for 90 days. We're gonna disappear for 90 days. Who do you want to be? How do you want to show up? And that's not just in style, that's not just hair, that's personality, that's those are things that are transformable. You can you're not stuck being whoever this is, you know. If you're being considered a bitch or if you think you're just a bitch, you don't have to stay that way. You have all the power in the world to make the choices to show up in the world the way you want to, just like with the crown. Yeah, so just helping women understand that is a task in itself, but it's such a beautiful thing when we're able to express ourselves and and show up as us. Um, I had a question.

SPEAKER_02 25:28

Well, and Dory, I had a question for you, and this has been my experience, so I wanted to kind of see do you feel that by you being you authentically, you've heard from others that you're giving them permission to wow, okay, I I can do that too.

SPEAKER_01 25:43

Oh, yeah. Um, I had someone call me the other day. Um, when going back to the even the compliments that you were saying, because now I've I've I used to be shy about even giving those compliments. And that's a part of my authenticity now, too, to even talk to people when I see them and tell them the things that I love about them. And I have this friend that when every time I see her, it's like, oh my God. And we can be in the same room and be there for two hours. Every time I walk by her, I love you, friend. I love you. And so one day she stopped and she asked me, she said, Why did why do you do that all the time? Every time you do that, that makes me want to cry. And I said, Because I know a and I don't make it a habit of calling women bitches, it's a term of endearment. Because I know a bad bitch when I see one, yeah, and you're one of the baddest ones in this room, and don't you let anyone tell you anything different. And she just lit up and hugged me. It's like, you know, we don't get those compliments, we don't get our roses, we don't get all that from, and we're showing up in the world for everybody else every day. We don't get that in return. So I want every woman that's around me to know that she's beautiful, know that she's a powerhouse, know that she has gifts, knowing that she doesn't have to be stuck in whatever it is that she can find true peace and freedom in her life and live it all the way through the way she wants to.

SPEAKER_02 27:20

Right. And everyone has their own flavor.

SPEAKER_01 27:22

Yes, yes, yeah, yeah. Because again, we're conditioned. All our conditioning, all the voices, all the things that we're told and we hear what the things that we tell ourselves. I have Bella in my head. She she she talks shit all the time. It's like Bella, I need you to be quiet. I know you protect.

SPEAKER_02 27:39

That's what you've named her. That that voice, yes.

SPEAKER_01 27:42

Yes, I I know you're protecting me. I know this is a place to keep me from um hurting myself, but I need you to be quiet. But Bella's voice, I know now. It's the friends in school, it's the parents, it's the grammar, it's it's the politics, it's society, it's all the things that I'm being told I should and should not do that she wants to keep reminding me of. Yeah, and it's like, yeah, no, we're gonna do this, we're gonna listen to Dory now.

SPEAKER_02 28:09

Yeah, yeah. Dory's the one, she's in charge.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

Yeah, she's driving this boat, you know, not you, not you. So, um, what would you tell other women if they wanted to right now get out of the chaos in their lives and step into their queen energy? What would be the first thing you tell them to do?

SPEAKER_02 28:31

First of all, define what that queen energy is to you.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 28:36

I it's important to know exactly what it is you're going for. And like I just said, it's about your own flavor.

SPEAKER_01 28:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:44

You know, what does what does that mean to you? And then owning it, like walking it, living it. For me, you know, it was putting on the crown, and that helped anchor it in. Now I can walk into a room and it's fascinating because people who won't know me or know my story, I'll go somewhere and somebody say, Wow, you've got a queen energy. And I'm like, Thank you. You know, like, like, yeah, thank you. Yeah. Uh, I've built her, I've conditioned her to where the the physical anchor is no longer needed. And and that's why I I decided to, okay, you know, I can I can put that aside now and wear it for fun, uh, for photos and different things.

SPEAKER_00 29:34

Right.

SPEAKER_02 29:34

So it's defining, okay, what is it that you believe that that you want, you know, what is it that you're passionate about, and then walking in that. And a really simple tip for anyone, men, women, children, dogs and cats, if they're so inclined, is to smile. A smile has been a secret weapon of mine. Yeah, I found myself when I was like really, I was pushing it, working out like every day, hours a day. I was in a dance club cardio class. And if you've ever been in in an aerobic type class, they've got all the mirrors, the wall of mirrors.

SPEAKER_01 30:20

Right. I'm a Zoom instructor.

SPEAKER_02 30:22

So okay, there you go. I caught the the reflection of me. I was really like focused and I was frustrated because I didn't know the moves. I was new in the class, and yeah, and I'm like, yeah, and I thought, whoa, like, I don't want to approach me. And because I and I had been feeling like, oh, I don't fit in this class, they're all more fit, they know the moves. And so my story was nobody likes me again, you know, that greed.

SPEAKER_00 30:50

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:52

And I thought, okay, I don't look like what's reflected back. They can't either. So hot damn, I'm gonna I'm gonna be a reflection that I like. And I started smiling, and I got this motto, I smile through hard things. Yep, I smile through hard things. And it created this like neural pathway that it's not so hard when you're smiling, and and I was having fun with it. And I'm like, okay, I don't know the moves, but hey, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do it anyway, and I'm gonna smile. And people responded. These other women in the class were like, Hey, oh my gosh, I love your attitude. And the instructor, oh, my smiley is back. You know, I was smiley uh in the class after that. The smile helps to rewire your brain and it it makes us so much more approachable when there's that word, and I'm in big cheesy you know. Um when I'll have photography done, professional photography, they always want to, okay, do it, do a closed mouth. And it's like I get, you know, I'll get my I'll get my bossy pants on here. I'm paying you, and I know that that's not me, therefore, don't make me. I'm gonna smile big.

SPEAKER_01 32:09

Right.

SPEAKER_02 32:10

So smile, smile through it. Yeah, it it really can make hard things easier.

SPEAKER_01 32:18

Yeah, that's a as simple as that is, and I do smile a lot, but I also wear all my expressions on my face. So sometimes I'm just in thought and will walk in a room, and it's like I'm not sad, I'm smiling on the inside, I'm just thinking about something in the moment. But I think today I'm gonna take that on. I'm gonna smile more all the time.

SPEAKER_02 32:45

There's it, it it really the having all the muscles do that, it can help rewire the brain. Uh, have you ever done laughter yoga?

SPEAKER_01 32:54

No, I haven't.

SPEAKER_02 32:55

Okay, laughter yoga is this fun process where you laugh. So instead of doing the normal, you know, the tree pose and all that, you laugh for no reason. Yeah. And it has studies have shown that even fake laughter, you know, when we do it forced, yeah, the chemicals in our body don't know the difference, and then we start feeling better.

SPEAKER_01 33:24

Right. I've heard that. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 33:26

And the same goes with the smile.

SPEAKER_01 33:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:29

It helps to, oh, okay. You know, things, things can look a little bit brighter. And and this isn't about, I'm not a fake it till you make it type. I I'm I prefer the phrase, brave it till you make it.

SPEAKER_01 33:43

Brave it till you make it.

SPEAKER_02 33:44

Brave it till you make it. Be brave. Do do the things that can help you be propelled forward to the life you love, to to have the experiences that you love.

SPEAKER_01 33:58

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 33:59

To touch the people that you care to touch and influence. And through that brave factor, yeah, you are able to become that.

SPEAKER_01 34:09

Yeah. Wow. That's good. Brave it till you make it. That's awesome. I know. Yeah. Yeah. It's too late. You put it out there. Yeah, yeah. I put it out there.

SPEAKER_00 34:21

Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 34:23

You know, for me, I one of the things I like to do, um, because I I've only been in my this transformation that I'm in. Um we've we're always transforming, right? This is like my fourth do-over. This is my fourth life. I'm convinced of it. And within these 53 years, this is the fourth time I'm recreating myself.

SPEAKER_00 34:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:44

And um, I've always had this, you know, again, I wear most people, they wear everything. You wear what you're feeling. And so I would wear my insecurities in my shoulders and in my head, keeping it down. And I started walking in rooms, and it's like it's like with ballerinas, and you learn to like you have an invisible string that's pulling you up, and so I learned to start to stand up taller, and I say to myself, when I walk in a room, you are light, and you are attracting people to you. And so when I walk in now, there's a whole different energy that's coming off, and now, and people are actually starting to see that. I had someone the other day saw me come in and they just started shaking their head, and it's like, you're not the same person that you were. You walking in like like powerful, and I was like, Really? I wasn't expecting to hear the word powerful, but it just really did, it spoke to me. It was a definitely a compliment because I'd been working on how I show up in the world. I don't want to keep showing up, you know. I'm telling people, you know, you can have this fabulous life, you can transfer, you can be free, you can live like this, and then I'm showing up like this. It's like right. Who wants to live like this? Who wants to? That's not attractive at all, you know. You weren't exuding the the powerful and the skills that you have, right? Right. It was not, it was not showing up here, so that's all changing. That's all good for you. Yeah, yeah. I'm I'm excited.

SPEAKER_02 36:27

I'm I'm yeah, yeah, and then that's the social reinforcement. And you know, women, we do really the social reinforcement helps us to you know, calibrate ourselves, whatever. That I'm sure yes gave you the the feedback of okay, this is working.

SPEAKER_01 36:45

Yes, which goes back to what we were saying earlier. Compliment the compliment one another on whatever it is and not just aesthetics, yeah, you know, gifts, talents, um, whatever it is, work well done.

SPEAKER_00 37:01

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 37:02

Let's learn we need to normalize that. And a lot of times we're so I think we're still afraid to do that for others in fear of what I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 37:14

Well, and I think part of it can go back to the fear of rejection of what if I say something nice and it's not received.

SPEAKER_01 37:21

Yeah. Like yeah, you know, there's been a lot of times I'll say something to someone and I'll just like, thanks, and look at you up and down, and you know, treat me like I'm a weirdo. Why is she talking to me? Yeah, yeah. You know, it's like you're no one, you know.

SPEAKER_02 37:36

Like, who are you to say that? Why do I care what you think?

SPEAKER_01 37:39

Yeah, fear of rejection. Yeah, that's it. That's it. That's yeah, that's it. Okay. Um, let me see. I had some other questions here. Um, not that one. If you could give every woman listening one declaration to say, well, you just did brave, brave it till you make it. If I was gonna say declaration to say starting today, what would it be? But I think brave it till you make it is one unless you have something else that I think that works.

SPEAKER_02 38:18

That lands. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:21

You answered this one too. Man, you just hit all of these.

SPEAKER_02 38:24

Yay!

SPEAKER_01 38:26

So tell us, okay. So we'll go on. Tell us what what so what do you do with all of this? Um, you mentioned clients. Um, what do what's your platform? What do you do? Who do you help?

SPEAKER_02 38:38

I am a transformational coach and I help mainly women who are in the mid-age range. We've been there, we've done that, we've got the t-shirt, and we know that there's more.

SPEAKER_01 38:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:53

I really love seeing women get to that point of refining the the purpose, the passion in life, and going for it. Just for me, this middle-age range, I just turned 51. I'm loving this era.

SPEAKER_01 39:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:14

There is this freedom that comes and it's a self-awareness and also a uh, yeah, I do want to pursue my passions. And so I help women find, all right, what it is that you feel has been lacking. What was it that you loved before that maybe you're not doing as much, or what is it that you've always wanted to explore about yourself that you haven't?

SPEAKER_01 39:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:36

And then find a path to get where they are now to where they would like to be, to anchoring in an identity, the the new uh I don't even want to say new and improved, but but that uh that up-leveled self, that aspirational self of who they really are inside, and supporting them through that journey. And I also speak, I speak on many different stages and love to have those interactive things. I I do workshops, experiential workshops, and any type of audience I love to serve and be in front of and and make it something fun.

SPEAKER_01 40:19

Yeah. Yeah, I I have a feeling that being in one of your workshops is a a load of fun. They don't I don't know what it is. I'm not quite sure.

SPEAKER_02 40:30

It's all felt hands-on. Uh, there's no need to lecture. Yeah, I feel. Let's have a conversation. So mine are very much, you know, let's get in and let's let's talk and let's explore together and and create something.

SPEAKER_01 40:46

That's awesome. So where can they where can people find you?

SPEAKER_02 40:50

Fireuplife.com. Just like it sounds fire f-i-re up-up life, l-i-f e dot com. Go to my website, book a discovery call with me, and we can talk. It's no obligation. Get a chat, have a chat, see if I'm the right fit for you, if we could work well together, and if you mention the podcast, don't ask me shit. There is a deep discount I'm offering. I'd love to help you. And and if I'm not the person, I'm I'll be the first one to say, you know what? You know, let's I think someone else might be the best fit. So it's all about really finding a connection with your life coach, too. Yes, because that's it, it's a beautiful, important relationship where honesty is paramount.

SPEAKER_01 41:40

Yes. And on both all in on both ends. We need to be just as honest with our clients. Exactly. And the clients need to be honest with us to get the help and the transformation that they're looking for. Because if you keep hiding, you're not gonna get what you're looking for, and you're only doing a disservice to yourself, yeah. You know, so yes, definitely. Honesty is key. Yeah. Cool. Well, I am just I like I said, I'm just in love with you. You're just awesome. Um, I'm gonna go find that video. The video with Tony Robbins, is that like on YouTube or anything?

SPEAKER_02 42:22

Is there it's not uh it's all under wraps, you know, for so we have to go to a Tony Robbins event? Go to yeah, go to Tony Robbins event. Uh please do, they're amazing.

SPEAKER_01 42:38

Yeah. Alrighty. Well, thank you so much. Is there anything else you want to say to the people listening or viewing?

SPEAKER_02 42:47

Or life is beautiful, life is beautiful, and and you can create the life of your dreams. It's there for you. Be brave, be confident, accept the the praise that others give you, accept those compliments and give them, pass them along.

SPEAKER_01 43:04

Right, yes, thank you. Thank you so much for being here. I appreciate you, I appreciate your wisdom that you shared. I did um bring out my crown. Oh, good. Yes, let's let's put them on. So, people, if I go out tonight and you see me wearing my crown, don't ask me shit. Hey, I'm showing up in my queen energy. We are two powerful queens. I love two powerful queens. Well, once again, thank you so much, Holly, for sharing with us. Um, and I just want to thank everyone listening to the Don't Ask Me Shit Podcast, where truth might be uncomfortable, but it will set you free. And if you're willing to do the work, um, like I said, if you're willing to do the work, it'll set you free. If something you heard today hit home, sit in it, process it, and decide what you're going to do to Make the change. If you need some help with that, you can reach out to Holly and she can help you find out what those things are to help you make the change that you're seeking to change. So you can ask me anything, but again, if you're not ready to do the work, don't ask me shit. If you enjoyed this episode, share with someone who needs to hear real conversation in their life. And we will see you on the next one.