Why You Can’t Stop Eating at Night

In this powerful and real conversation, Coach Dorie sits down with Nan, also known as the “One Bite, Done” coach, to unpack the truth behind binge eating — especially for women who seem disciplined on the outside but struggle in private.

After 30 years of binge eating, Nan shares how she broke free from the cycle of restriction, guilt, and starting over, and how you can too.

This episode dives deep into:

•  Why nighttime is the danger zone for overeating 
•  The restriction → rebellion cycle (and how to break it) 
•  The emotional triggers behind binge eating 
•  Why willpower isn’t the problem 
•  The difference between permission and “giving in” 
•  How to stop feeling out of control around food 

If you’ve ever said, “I’ll do better tomorrow,” this episode is for you.

🎯 You’ll walk away understanding:
 You’re not broken. You’re stuck in a pattern — and patterns can be changed.

To work with Nan: https://www.milobingefix.com/

https://www.milobingefix.com/masterclass

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:32

And welcome to Don't Ask Me Shit, the podcast where we stop pretending, stop sugarcoating, and stop dancing around the real issues. I'm Coach Dory, a stress management and relationship recovery coach, and I help people heal from toxic family friendships and romantic partners. I'm a truth teller and friend who loves you enough to be honest with you. This is the place for the conversations people avoid: relationships, accountability, self-sabotage, healing, boundaries, and all the messy stuff that folks don't want to talk about. You know how it goes. You can always ask Coach Dory, but if you're not ready to do the work, don't ask me shit because I'm not here to co-sign for your excuses. I'm here to help you grow. So let's get into it. Today I have a very special guest I want to introduce. Um again, I'm gonna try to do this without messing up names. Um sayana. Nadaj Sesana. But we're gonna call her Naan. That is her name, and so that's easier. Um, she's known as the one bite and done coach who helps women who lift weights stop bench eating after dinner so they can finally feel in control around food. After 30 years of bench eating herself and starting over again and again, Naan knows exactly what it feels like to look disciplined on the outside, but feel completely out of control on the outside. Now she teaches women how to feel just as strong with food as they do in the gym, without restriction, guilt, or rules, without all the rules. I've been dying and dying to talk to you. Um again, these chips at night, these nachos, these these Oreos, even pistachios, which is a healthier choice, but it just, oh, what is going on? Why am I doing this to myself? So do you want to add anything to oh yeah, she lives in Paris, so we're we're international now, baby. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:39

Well, thank you so much for welcoming me to your show from Paris. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 2:44

So is there anything that I left out in the introduction that you want us to know about you?

SPEAKER_01 2:49

I don't think so. I think it was perfect. Thank you so much for having me and for introducing me this way. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 2:55

So you call yourself the one bite done coach. What exactly does that mean in real life?

SPEAKER_01 3:02

I love your question. Yes. So, as you said, for so many years I was going back to the kitchen, you know, once the kids were asleep and my husband had left for his Aikido session, and I was making sure that I wouldn't make too much noise, closing the door, opening the cupboard or the fridge. And as soon as I had one bite of cheesecake or uh a chip, or you mentioned pistachios, oh, I'm a big fan of pistachios too, then I can stop there, but I would go all the way. And by that I mean it depended. Well, if it was ice cream, I would finish the tub. If it was pistachio, I would finish the bag. If it was a cheesecake, the whole cake would be gone. So I really wanted to be able to stop. Uh well, before the last bite. And so now that's what I can do, and that's what I help my clients do is just stop, not deprive themselves. It's okay. If they want to have a bite, why not? But at least be in control, you know, instead of out of control and doing it as if you don't know what's coming over you and you can't stop, and your hand reaches for more without you really wanting to.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

And it's so crazy because I'm telling myself as I'm reaching for more, I really need to stop. I should not be doing this, and I keep going. It is horrible. So you said that you've been doing it, that you were a binge eater for 30 years. What was the moment that you realized, hey, this is out of control and something needs to change?

SPEAKER_01 4:33

Yes. So I told myself for years before I finally found what would work. But it's um, yeah, as soon as I realized that, okay, I'm doing this quite regularly, quite consistently, and it's not what I want. And I was exactly like you. As if I was a split personality, not the right word, of course, but it's just I was picturing myself like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. On some level, I didn't want this. I knew that chips were not so good for me. I mean, in uh in the healthy sense of the word. Uh, and at the same time, I was reaching for them. So it was just like I I I want this and I don't want to this at the same time. So that was really an issue. And it lasted until I think that the when the when it was even worse was when I finally had two kids. It took us eight years to have two kids. We had one wonderful boy, and then we wanted a second one, and it took us eight years. We went through rounds of IBS, didn't work. And then all of a sudden, of course, after eight years, here she comes. So I thought that now I've got everything I've ever wanted in the world. Now, of course, my eating is going to magically, I didn't know how, but it's going to be magically under control and it's going to be fine from now on. And what a surprise, it didn't. So that's when I thought, okay, I've tried changing food. I've tried working out more, as people say, you know, that's healthy, that's what you do. Um, if you consume food, well, you should you burn it, burn the calories. I did that, it didn't work. So there must have been something that people don't say that's going to help me. Surely I was convinced there was a solution because I knew that I hadn't always been that way. I also guessed, assumed that most people were not like me. So I thought there must be a solution. There must be another way. And so so glad I kept looking because I finally found it.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

Okay. Yeah, you know, you mentioned work out more. You know, that's a common misconception, especially with women that are in the gym. I'm a fitness instructor. I've lost 20 pounds just recently, you know, so I can see my body changing. I feel healthier, I'm getting I'm on track for where I want to go. But then you have these inner battles that no one else sees that are not healthy for you, you know, what your body does trying to process that stuff in the middle of the night. Oh my gosh, you're you're tearing yourself down. So why would someone like myself, like you and other women, um, what what why are we struggling? What why does this happen?

SPEAKER_01 7:07

Yes, and I think strangely enough, part of the reason is exactly what you mentioned, this inner battle. So I don't know about you, but for me it sounded like, oh, I shouldn't have this chip, but I really want to, but I shouldn't have because I promised myself not to. And if I break that promise again, then I'm going to be miserable. Yes, but it looks so good. I deserved it. I worked hard, I was a good girl all day long. So come on, just just a little. It won't hurt, it won't matter, nobody will know. Which of course are lies. And so that was this inner battle. And so I was going back and forth. That's exhausting. And so at the end of the day, when you're already exhausted from your day and you have this inner battle, of course you give in. Especially since we've been probably using willpower all day long. You know, um, I really want this piece of cake, but I won't. I really want it, but no, no, no, no. Be reasonable, be sensible. At the end of the day, this willpower, which is like a battery, it gets empty. There's no one none left. So of course, then we give in to whatever we we fancy. Um, so that's probably why.

SPEAKER_00 8:19

So you don't teach restriction or um strict diets or anything like that. Yes. Um what do you teach?

SPEAKER_01 8:30

Right. So I I totally, yes, you get it. I don't teach restriction because from all the years I've been doing restriction, you know, the oh, I've eaten so much tonight. Tomorrow I'll be good. Only two green beans. Uh, two green beans, and that will be enough. It was a way for me to restrict, you know, to compensate for what I had overeaten in the evening, but also some form of punishment. And that doesn't work. It doesn't work because punishing yourself, who wants that? We only want to rebel against the punishment because come on, I don't deserve that treatment. So we rebel against it. It's like a rubber band, you've stretched it so thin that of course it's going to snap. It's exactly that. And also, physically, your body needs food, your body needs to be nourished, so it doesn't work. So whenever we restrict, whether it's just a story we're telling ourselves, that yeah, I can't have what I want, or it's real, you're really not giving your body what it needs, then it's um it's a recipe for disaster. It's only going to make you switch to, okay, I deprived myself of this throughout the day. Now it's the evening, I can't take it anymore. I'll have this plus much more. So that's why indeed I don't teach restriction. On the contrary, I teach permission, because permission brings peace rather than resistance, you know, restriction, that feels like the forbidden fruit, the food you can't access, and then that's all you can think of, and that's all you're going to have. But if you give yourself permission to have something and to really enjoy the food and really slow down and really appreciate it with your five senses, then you're going to be more satisfied, not only physically, because yes, your mouth deserves that party, you know, all those tastes, flavors, and so on, those textures, but also, you know, emotionally, you're going to tell yourself, oh, I wanted a little treat. I got it. Ah, now I feel good about myself.

SPEAKER_00 10:34

Wow. Well, you're gonna have to break that one down because when you said give yourself permission, I'm thinking, I did give myself permission. I did give myself permission to eat eight Oreos and a bag of chips. So it's like, what's the difference between giving yourself permission and appreciating, then convincing yourself, well, I don't even know if it's convincing yourself that this is okay and then overindulging, because it still starts, it sounds like to me, someone who has no control yet, that you're still both ways is giving yourself permission. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_01 11:12

I think so. I think so. So from what I am understanding, you're talking about the in the moment, when you give yourself permission, but it sounds more like an excuse, something that and you you give yourself permission to eat the eight Oreos, but it sounds as if it's spontaneous, it's answering the impulse, the compulsion that you have in the moment, which makes much sense because yes, when we've been restricted, restricting all day, of course, then we have that compulsion, that urge, that craving, whatever you name it. And so maybe that's what you mean, this excuse we give ourselves, you know, yeah, but I deserve it, I've worked hard, I've been right. What I mean is rather planning ahead of time if you can, you know, today I'm going to have, I call this a princess moment, a moment where you really slow down and you give yourself permission to have what you want. But it's not in the moment, it's something that you really thought through. And so you decide ahead of time, okay, I'm going to have a slice of cheesecake or some pizza or whatever you fancy, but you really decide and you don't eat it fast, you know, as if behind your bike before the other version of you says, Oh, what are you doing? You shouldn't be doing, you know, it's not going to serve you. But really, you you quiet that voice down and you tell yourself, no, this is what I want. I'm going to give myself permission to eat it, and I'm really going to enjoy it very slowly. And I'm really going to be with me. And if I want uh to stop at three bites because I'm satisfied, I can, I don't have to. I can eat it all. I don't have to justify.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

Do you see the difference? I see the difference. And the chances are, since you've planned even that, you've planned all your meals around that too. So if you're calorie counting, if you're um if you're doing intermittent fasting or anything, any type of regimen, you've included that in there. And what I hear you saying is that when you deprive yourself all day, don't do that, don't do that, do don't do that. When you finally get to it, well, forget it. I've done it now, and then you just go for it. Totally.

SPEAKER_01 13:22

Yes, that's how the restriction rebellion cycle. And we go back and forth, and that's that's hell.

SPEAKER_00 13:29

Yeah. Yeah, that really is. How long did it take you to to realize this? Even is it well, let me ask you this. Is this something that you still struggle with today yourself?

SPEAKER_01 13:40

No, no, and um, yeah, I keep thinking, I keep wondering and in the sense of awe, you know, it's just like, oh, I've I've been in there in this loop for so long, and now no, I don't. I remember, you know, whenever I was going uh to the grocery stores, which of course was quite often, I would go through the the snacks uh aisle, and really I could feel myself salivate, salivate. I could feel the pull towards the Snickers bars, the Mars bars, all those, the cereals. I was craving those intensely. And now I can walk through those aisles and it's just there. It could be an aisle full of onions, I wouldn't, I wouldn't care. It would be exactly the same. So even when I overeat a little, like today, I had a brookie, I had some brookie, I don't make it dramatic. It's just yes, I had some, I enjoyed it, and I'm moving on. Whereas before it was just I was stuck, you know, thinking, overthinking, um, negotiating, regretting, thinking about food nonstop, not just when I was eating it, but all the time. Today it's not the case at all. And I realized only when uh COVID started, so that's more than six years ago, um, because everybody, if you remember, was rushing to the grocery stores to take stock to store food. And I realized that I had been doing that for a long time because food was the main focus of my life. And at that point I realized wait, I'm not doing that anymore. I don't care. That was amazing to me. That still is.

SPEAKER_00 15:25

It sounds freeing.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

Yes, oh definitely. What a relief it is.

SPEAKER_00 15:29

Yeah, so we know as coaches we food, we look at the food, we know food is really a symptom. Right? Yes. What are what do you think women are running from or trying to avoid their food and their binge eating?

SPEAKER_01 15:49

Yes, such a great question. Yes. So I I totally agree with you. Yes, food is just a symptom, something that that helps us cope with something we don't want to think, feel, experience. Like some people scroll not endlessly on their phone, that's also a coping mechanism. People overdrink, people overspend, overwatch TV or whatever. That's exactly the same pattern. It's just that for my people, they turn to food. And I love the way you phrased it. Yes, we're running away from something because we don't want to actually feel something. It's a feeling we're running away from. So most of the time it's something we don't want to feel. Like it could be boredom, it could be loneliness, it could be uh overwhelm, stress, which is so common. Um, it could also be an emotion just because we don't know how to feel an emotion. I don't know about you, but in my family, we never talked about emotions. And the implicit uh message was okay, don't talk about your emotions. I mean, if you're feeling great, that's okay, but don't overdo it. And if you're not feeling great, I don't know what to do to help you, so don't mention it.

SPEAKER_00 17:01

Suck it up and get over it.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

Exactly. So whenever I was feeling a bit, you know, anything else that neutral, then I didn't know what to do with it. Even when I was feeling joyful, so well, because food is so often also attached, you know, linked to associated to celebration, I would turn to food, and then I was thinking, I was giving me myself the excuse that it's okay, we celebrate with food, so I'm not doing anything wrong. Right. Of course, I was feeling terrible because I was bloated, and yeah. So feel terrible, yeah. Exactly, exactly. So very often, yes, stress would be the umbrella term. Um, the emotion, the main emotion people don't want to feel. Uh, the problem is that overeating and then feeling terrible about yourself physically but also emotionally, that doesn't help the stress at all. So it's a coping mechanism, but it's a flawed coping mechanism because it makes the situation actually worse rather than better, which is really what we want.

SPEAKER_00 18:01

Right. So, do you have a process that you take women through to help them identify um what they're dealing with or feeling or not feeling?

SPEAKER_01 18:11

Yes, absolutely, yes. So, what we do on regular sessions is really we look back to the last time that happened for them. And it's like uh watching um a replay, you know, when athletes uh been doing a performance. We watch what happened, even if it's not exactly what happened, but it's okay. But we slow it down so that we can pinpoint exactly what was going on and what triggered uh this copying mechanism, so that then we know exactly what it was like, so that then we can change it for the next time. Because of course, what I found is that very often when we experience one thing, it's not the first time, it's not the only time. It's very if we've experienced stress and turned to food, it didn't happen just once. It's more likely to be a pattern. It's just that it very often happens so fast that we don't realize in the moment that it was stress because of this or that, but slowing it down helps us really understand what's happening, happening. So that's quite a fascinating um process to really like being under a microscope, understanding, and then from that changing things.

SPEAKER_00 19:27

That's um as you're saying that I'm sitting there thinking, when was the last time I was laying in bed, I was watching impractical jokers, and then all of a sudden I wanted cheese? And it's just like I get up and I can't just eat one slice of cheese. It's like two slices of Kobe Jack and two slices of Swiss. It's like, what is this? I yeah, uh the shame, the shame. And that's another thing. Where does shame play a part in this for women staying in that cycle?

SPEAKER_01 19:57

Oh, yes, I love that you mentioned that because this is so uh such a common experience for so many people guilt, shame, regret. But shame is the worst of all, I think, I believe, because shame keeps us small and not asking for help. This is why for me it lasted for 30 years, because I was so ashamed. I was convinced that I was the only one who experienced that. I was convinced that there's something was terribly wrong with me. And that didn't help because then I didn't try to understand, I didn't ask for help, and that kept me stuck in this loop. And when you feel shame, what do we do? We don't want to feel the shame.

unknown 20:38

Right.

SPEAKER_01 20:38

So we use that same coping mechanism. Same coping mechanism, and that's why we keep on looping in this exact same pattern. So I love that you're mentioning your desire to have a slice of cheese and that you don't stop there because the more we talk about this struggle, the more people will realize they're not alone in this, and that's there's also a solution. So I think it's very important. So thank you so much for sharing your own experience. I think that's really, really great.

SPEAKER_00 21:08

Oh, yeah, because I need help for real. So I'm so over this. And it's again, it's it's because I think it's and I'm not like totally like, oh my gosh, someone's gonna know that's not where I am. But when I think about my overall health, and I know what my doctor and I talk about and what areas I need to improve on, and yet I do the exact opposite of what's gonna help me. It's like I do feel like, girl, what's wrong with you? Why you know that this is spiking your blood sugar? Why are you doing this? And then I'll convince myself, well, today I messed up today. I'll do better tomorrow. And then it happens again, but it's with something else tomorrow, you know. So I I just I feel for myself and others, and yeah, I. Want to be open because I need this, I need help.

SPEAKER_01 22:03

Right. So here's a little thing. You I love the question you're asked, why are you doing this? But there's a difference that you could implement if you're open to it, it's just a difference in tone. Because when you're saying, Why are you doing this? It sounds quite furious.

SPEAKER_00 22:19

Like you're chastising yourself.

SPEAKER_01 22:21

Exactly. You're judging yourself as if, well, you're doing something wrong. Okay. And that doesn't help because when you're judging ourselves very harshly, we're not open to understanding, really. We're just telling ourselves something's wrong with us, and we should we'd better stop. We don't not giving ourselves the keys to actually change it. So if you can kept this exact same sentence, this exact same question, why are you doing this? But instead of being the judge, you can turn into the detective, maybe Sherlock Holmes or whoever you like, and really ask the question with a different tone, like, why are you doing this? Really, I want to know, I'm curious, I care for you. Why are you doing this? And then perhaps it's going to open up different possibilities. You can then explore. Maybe it's because of this, maybe it's because of that. Are you putting too much pressure on yourself that you should really, really do the exact um, you know, follow the exact advice your uh your doctor gave you, or that you shouldn't mess up or whatever. I don't know. But just changing this tone could help you and maybe the listeners, instead of thinking, yeah, I messed up today, I'll do better tomorrow, which is very common too. But it sounds as if we're you know creating a blank slate, but by doing this, we're erasing all the data we could gather from today that could help us do a better tomorrow. If you see what I mean.

SPEAKER_00 23:47

So then, with that question, then if I ask myself why, why are you doing this? Go through everything, my thoughts, my feelings, sit in that for a minute, and I come up with the answer. I'm lonely. I'm recently not so out of a relationship. I keep doing this at night when I'm in bed by myself, but I can't do anything about the loneliness at the time. How does that keep me from still going into the kitchen and getting the cheese?

SPEAKER_01 24:19

Right. Okay. Yes, so I love what you're saying that you it could be loneliness. It makes perfect sense. It makes sense that we we try to comfort ourselves with food when we feel lonely. So, first of all, yes, that could be the first step, just being compassionate with yourself. I'm doing this, I know it's not for my greatest good, for my greatest health, but right now it's serving me in a way. I don't want to do this forever and ever, but right now this is where I'm at. That's what I do, that's what a lot of people do. That's okay. And I won't deal with this forever and ever. I can change. And you're saying that you can't do uh anything about the loneliness at the time. And so I'm curious because if you're mentioning uh the loneliness, the the feeling of loneliness, you could you could um, well, there are different things, different ways you could go there. You could, you know, solve, and I'm putting uh air quartz, you could solve the loneliness by actually maybe reaching out for people or anticipating this moment. I don't know how and if it's something that you could be doing, but you could change the situation so that you are not physically alone. And also maybe you could plan if that's not possible, if you can't have friends, you could look for ways to feel less lonely. Um, knowing that food can be part of the equation, it's not we don't want to deprive yourself of food because we know that then it's going to backfire, but it could be part of different ways for you to deal with the loneliness.

SPEAKER_00 25:56

Okay. So you're saying then the first step definitely is awareness, and you can't do anything without the awareness. And from that, once you get the clarity, then you can start making the steps. Yes, not trying to do it all at one time, which again, a lot of us are like, we're gonna fix this today. It's like, no, you've been doing this like you for 30 years. You cannot do this and fix this all in one night. And so, okay. So, first get the clarity.

SPEAKER_01 26:28

Totally, totally, yes. Why am I doing this? But really from a genuinely curious question. Yes, and I love what you're you're saying because I'm guessing that it's the same with everything, even with the toxic relationship work that you do. It's not we're not changing overnight, but we're doing doing it one step at a time, one percent at a time, one degree at a time, so that it's doable, so that it's sustainable, so that it actually creates real change. Not immediately, we don't have a magic wand, fortunately or unfortunately, I'm not sure. But it's overnight, uh it's it's over time, I mean, and then we also can look back and see where we've been and where we are now and be amazed at the change we created.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

Yeah, that's pretty cool. That's cool. So I don't know if you've already answered this question then. Um, what is the biggest mindset shift that someone would need to go from just out of control to one bite and done?

SPEAKER_01 27:29

Yeah, well, I think that's exactly what we've been talking about, you know, this all or nothing mindset. I think this is so common. Just I just had one bite, I messed it all up. So I might as well finish the box and tomorrow, blank slate, I'll be good. And so it's this all or nothing that we keep on shifting. I call it the switch because it's as if you're on or off. There's nothing in between. But what if we allowed ourselves to see this as a dial, you know, something that you can turn slightly left or right. And so instead of going all in or all over the place, we just gradually changed. And so it could be exactly um what I've been thinking lately, you know, um, I've perhaps I've been eating a bit too much when I when I eat at meals, and that's perfectly fine. And but it was fascinating to see my brain going to okay, now we have to uh have a uh a completely different meal plan and we have to be really strict. But it's so funny that my brain, of course, uh offered me those same same old patterns that I practiced for 30 years, but it makes sense. And then I saw myself shifting from, okay, of course I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to be restrictive, but what would be the simplest, the tiniest thing I could change that would slightly, you know, I'm not I'm in no rush uh to lose one or two pounds. I can take my time, but what if I were to change, you know, instead of having uh meat at dinner time, what if I were to replace them with beans? Okay, done. Simple. And it didn't require a lot of, you know, mindset uh um thought work, uh mindset work around it. It was just, yeah, I can do that, no problem. So I think that you know, asking yourself this question, what's the tiniest thing that I can teach today without resistance? The tiniest, the most doable thing that feels like a no-brainer, but that over time, in the long run, maybe in three months, maybe in one year, is going to get me where I want.

SPEAKER_00 29:38

Right. That's yeah. So I keep bringing up this Oreo thing, and my sister, she's made fun of me my entire life because I can't just eat a few Oreos, I eat like a whole sleeve in one setting. And for the first time last week, I called her and I said, Janine, guess what? I only ate three Oreos, and it was the exact serving size, and I didn't realize it, but it was like I was in a different place of only having a few, and I was okay with it. And so when you were saying all or nothing, you know, just changing it a little at a time, I can feel myself in that place, and that that's very helpful. I hope that's helpful for the um listeners out of there. But it's also interesting because the all or nothing, and you I think you just said that that pattern shows up not just in the food, it showed up even when the fixing of the food. I'm gonna be strict and do it all right now, or I'm gonna do nothing, you know. How I lost my thought. It sounds like so chances are, and you correct me if I'm wrong, chances are that these patterns that show up with our food show up in other areas of our life.

SPEAKER_01 30:57

Absolutely, absolutely. Yes, it's this um, it's really this uh I can't fail thing. It's just I have to succeed, I have to be very good, or I don't even try. And very often that's why that's what keeps people from trying to change, because they think that okay, I tried it, I tried it once, it didn't work, so it's not working forever. But it's a story we tell ourselves because we've tried for every skill, for every accomplishments we have, it didn't happen for the first time when we tried to stand up or when we first started to walk or write or read or whatever we we tried, it didn't work at all perfectly from the very first time. So I agree we need to go back to that. It's just it's normal not to get it right the first time. It's perfectly normal, it's part of the journey. And because you fail, quote, quote unquote, because then for each time you fail, each time you don't do it right or perfectly, you're going to learn something that's going to help you the next time. And I like to use this analogy of you know, babies um learning to stand tall, you know, stand up rather. Um they the first time they try, they feel super proud, and then boop, they they fall, they fall back down, and they they go up again and they fall again, and again and again and again for so long. But that's actually the move they exactly need so that their legs get stronger, right? So that then they can stand, but also walk, but then run, jump, whatever. And that's also what we do when we go to the gym and we do squats. So it's normal, that's what we do. We can intentionally do that, and also we can start by changing the way we talk to ourselves. I love what you were saying, that you for so many years you've been telling yourself, I can't just eat a few Oreos, I eat a whole sleeve. And I used to be an English teacher, so I can't help but notice that with I eat a whole sleeve, you're using the simple present, you know, as if it was something that you did, you do, you will do. Right. But it's no longer the case because the spell has been broken. Now you are somebody who can eat only three Oreos and be okay with it. So by changing the way you talk about yourself, by really noticing your progress and your wins and celebrating them and keeping them at the you know forefront of your mind, you're going to change into that version of you if you want to. You never have to.

SPEAKER_00 33:30

Right. So you also your weightlifting, and I I believe when you say weightlifting, you're talking about toning. And are you talking about actually lifting like power lifter or anything like that?

SPEAKER_01 33:43

Right. No, I'm just uh I'm just well, I'm I'm using weights, I'm using dumbbells, and I'm actually, yes, doing some strength training, but I'm not trying to step on stage. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 33:55

So did that come hand in hand with the binge eating? Were you already doing that before you stopped with the binge eating, or was it um part of your process of getting away from the binge eating?

SPEAKER_01 34:08

Yeah, well, it both because um 20 some years ago, my best friend introduced me to um to weight lifting, to strength training, and I loved it. Um, but it was also it also became part of this pattern of okay, I've overeaten yesterday, so I might as well compensate by working out and lifting weight, and so that then I burned more calories. So it was part of this pattern. But now, but of course, because I was not seeing the results I wanted, because I was still overeating, I was discouraged, I was deflated, I was stopping, you know, strength training on a regular basis. So now that I my eating is under control, I'm really going back to the strength training, but my way, you know, small doses, but regularly, because that fits my day, that fits my personality, and I'm really enjoying it. And uh and I am seeing progress too. I can see my muscle the way I've never seen them before, even though I'm 51. So it's really encouraging and it goes hand in hand, yes.

SPEAKER_00 35:11

Yeah, I mean, and and we know too that um physical activity, strength training, I'm a Zumba instructor, um, all of that reduces stress and releases all the good, happy chemicals and hormones in your body that need that would help with reducing these desires to cover up, run from whatever your stress and your problems are. So um yeah, that's um that's cool. I need to get back into strength training, but I can't. I I'm sorry, I can't. I said it. Oh my gosh, I heard myself that time. That's fine, but I'd be curious why I caught you. What's in the way? What's in the way? I well it at the end of it all, it's me. I'm in the way. I I you know what? Now that you're asking that, I don't like so I know that I have weights here at home, I have a weight bench, I have bands and everything. And I know I can do it here at home, the convenience of not leaving. I don't like being at the gym by myself. It's loneliness again. Right. So it's keeping me from going out because of organizing with people and and everybody that I'm around, we're not on the same page when it comes to some of this. So yeah, that's it. And that's actually why I started teaching Zumba because I love Zumba. I wanted to go, but I didn't know anybody in there. So I thought, hey, oh, and then I don't always, every Zumba, every Zumba instructor is not created equally. Okay, so music style and everything is different. So I decided, hey, I'll get certified myself to teach, and I can pick the music that I like and I can bring everyone with me. So I love it. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. So that's how I get that and keep that going. But this workout thing, yeah. I gotta, I've gotta figure it out. But yeah, it's the loneliness. I had a workout partner and they just they just quit on me. They're doing their own thing, and I'm just like, okay. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:22

Yeah. But I love how creative you are, and you find a solution. You you took the you you stepped into the driver's seat and you become set, it became certified in Zumba uh to to yeah, to fill this need. So I'm pretty sure you're going to come up with an amazing solution or several solutions for this strength training. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 37:43

Maybe my next certification needs to be Zumba Tony.

SPEAKER_01 37:47

Oh, I didn't know that existed. That sounds good.

SPEAKER_00 37:50

Yes, it does exist. I have a list of like maybe that's the one I need to take, and I'll just use my one or three pound weights while I'm dancing. Oh, so good. Yeah, but that goes back to what you were saying, recognizing where the problem is, and then dissecting and finding creative ways and ways that support your lifestyle and support you lovingly to correct those.

SPEAKER_01 38:17

Yes, and that's really what I like. That it's no one size fit all just for you, you know. Um being more active physically, you find your ways becoming a Zumba instructor, and probably a Zumba Tony instructor very soon. I love that. I love that we all have our own challenges, and we can all find our own solution. If you just open up, if we're just willing to look at what's what's in the way, what's blocking us?

SPEAKER_00 38:50

Right. Okay, you may have just answered my question. Next question. Okay. So for someone listening now that still feels stuck, and if you just would resummarize, what is the first step that they can take tonight tonight to get out of to start changing the big cycle? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 39:12

So tonight they could simply ask themselves, okay, what's going on? And some some of my clients add, what's going on for you right now, love? And you know, they they they call themselves, they give themselves a nice name, and I think that's very, very, very cute because then it's as if there are two parts of them, but not fighting each other, but on the contrary, you know, really there's a one part of them really caring for the other one, noticing that were there that their hand is about to reach the cookie jar, and really being curious, but in a very kind way. So if you could be kind to yourself, regardless of what you do, whether you eat, don't eat, you know, or overeat, just try to be kind to yourself, try to understand, because then you're going to move forward. And I think that curiosity, as I mentioned, is really important, but kindness too, right? If you're curious and then you beat yourself up, it's not going to help. But if you're curious and compassionate, kind to yourself, loving, then it's definitely going to change. But some people, I was thinking like this, some people need to actually learn how to love themselves. And that also goes hand in hand with the food struggle sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 40:24

Yeah, and this is a process of learning to love yourself. When you said what's going on and you used the word love that time, I felt that in my spirit. And I felt like I could just, I just wanted to give myself a hug. So I can see how changing how you're talking to yourself can help give you permission to break out of this because that that shows that hey, I I care for you. This is not, I don't want to punish you. I want what's best for you. So learning to love yourself. Oh my gosh, that would that that was good. That's awesome. Oh, I can see myself tonight before I get cheese. Hugging myself.

SPEAKER_01 41:10

And I love this idea of hugging yourself because, well, you've been certified in Zumba. I've been recently certified in havening techniques, and they are techniques that uh mix um the touch, the sense of touch, and uh brain gains. And but actually, the human touch, hugging yourself, as you said, going from your shoulders down to your fingers, that really helps, you know, put the brain in safety mode. So that can definitely help at the end of the day. So you can hug yourself, you know, give yourself several hugs that will also bring peace, safety for you, and that probably would make your evenings easier.

SPEAKER_00 41:50

Yeah, and that's how I actually end all my Zumba classes with us hugging ourselves. Oh my gosh, that is so awesome! That's making me want to cry for real. I just that that's that's definitely a mindset shift. I felt that one. I felt it, and I hope the listeners do too. Um wow. So, what does true food freedom look like when we're out of this? And again, we could talk about the Instagram, the social media version of it with all, but what does it look like in our own lives?

SPEAKER_01 42:26

Yes. So the first thing that I wanted and that my clients want to see too is not um, you know, not end finishing the the Oreo sleeve, not um eating against our own back, not hiding the food or the wrappers. Um that's what it looks like. But what's really even better, but it's not as visible, is that you get more space in your head instead of thinking of food 24-7, as soon as you wake up, and the last thing that you think of before falling asleep, you start thinking about other things that matter, really matter to you. Like my kids. At some point, I was so ashamed. So, first of my behavior, but also because it felt as if, even though I really wanted my kids and I really love my kids, food, chocolate, sneakers bars felt more important than my kids. And I, of course, I did a layer of shame about that too. But now, food freedom is you don't think about food 24-7. You only think about it at mealtimes or when you prepare what you're going to have the next day, and that's it. And you've got so much time, so much space in your head to think about becoming certified as a Zumba instructor, and Zumba tuning instructor, or whatever you fancy. And I think that I'm actually more productive, if I want to use that word now, because of this. This part of me is gone. I'm now a different person. Yes, freedom. That's freedom can be the word. I can do whatever I want.

SPEAKER_00 44:07

Wow. That's awesome. And I want to point out, um I noticed that even as you're talking and as we had this conversation, none of this had to do with weight at all. Not at all. And it's really about just loving ourselves where we are, where we want to go, um, and doing what's best for us in this moment. And as we do that, those changes that we look forward to, like you're saying, our we our brain expands. We have more room to look at those other things that we want to do and start to work towards being and becoming who we want to become. So I appreciate you so much today. Um, I I definitely learned some things. Yeah, I like I said, I've been excited and couldn't wait to talk to you. It's just like there's there's help out there, and you definitely opened up my eyes to some areas of um some opportun areas of opportunity in my life where I can grow and just fall even more in love with myself and where I am now. Um, I mentioned earlier you were in Paris. Um, so do you you work with people internationally worldwide? I will definitely put all your contact information in the show notes and everything, but can you tell us a little bit about your program and how people can get in touch with you?

SPEAKER_01 45:35

Absolutely. Thank you so much for the opportunity, and thank you so much for sharing. I've got chills as you were mentioning that you yes, there's help and you definitely learned something there. Yes, so I do live in Paris, but I used to be an English teacher and I love your language, so thank you so much for inviting me and you know, allowing me to speak English. And uh that's why I love you know working online because I can then help. Well, that's the idea at least. I can help the whole wide world. And so if if you liked this conversation, if it you know uh was helpful to you, you're probably going to love my um my masterclass, which you can find on my website, which is called mylobingefix.com. Milo is that m-o bingefix.com. And this is where you'll see the women I help, high work, and what life looks like when you start finishing the cookie bag or the ice cream tub. And my masterclass, which is free, you're very welcome to join if you want to. It's called I Just Ate Dinner. Why do I want more? And you can sign up at uh MiloBingeFix.com slash masterclass.

SPEAKER_00 46:39

Oh wow, that's awesome. You hear that? Free masterclass so that we can get ourselves together, so we can get the help that we need, ladies. Yes. Uh so do you just work with women or do you work with men also?

SPEAKER_01 46:52

Well, yeah, mostly women can come to me, so that's who I help the most. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 46:57

Okay. All righty. Well, thank you again, Nan, so much. I appreciate you being here. Um, like I said again, I've learned so much in this time that we've had together. So um I look forward to putting some of those things in action and look forward to reporting and letting you know when I get down to one cookie instead of three. It's the next step. If the next step, one slice of cheese. Yeah, since I've got the cookies fixed, one slice of cheese instead of four, right?

SPEAKER_01 47:27

You're becoming someone who stops whenever she wants and making it. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 47:31

Oh, that sounds so powerful. That sounds so powerful.

SPEAKER_01 47:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:36

Wow. I that's what food freedom looks like. Exactly. Yeah, wow. So thank you so much. Um, thanks for listening to Don't Ask Me Shit, where the truth might be uncomfortable, but it will set you free if you are willing to do the work. If something you heard here today hit home, sit with it, process it, and decide what you're going to change next. Remember, you can always ask Coach Dory, but if you're not ready to do the work, then don't ask me shit. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with someone who needs a real conversation in their life, and we will see you next time.