HEALING BALM -CONFESSION IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL, NOT FOR THE EARS 7-11-26

EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO HEAR YOUR CONFESSION IS NOT QUALIFIED TO HOLD IT. CHOOSE THE ALTAR CAREFULLY!

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:05

The Lord said for the heart of the daughter of my people. I am hurt. I am mourning. Astonishment has taken hold of me. Is there no bomb gillian? Is there no position now? Is there no problem? For the help of the daughter of my people. Today I want to start the message backwards. What I mean is I'm going to back into this message because I got a couple of really vital points that I feel like we all need to get before we get caught up in the nuts and bolts of the message. Okay? Your confession of a secret sin or withholding of sensitive information is not safe with everybody that you may consider or inconsiderately take into your confidence. Some people mean well. Friends, family, people that really love you, but they can't keep a secret. That's human nature. You've heard it said, and the quote comes from the Bible actually, that confession is good for the soul. Well, confession is good for the soul, but it's not good for the ears. To a lot of people that hear it. James 5 and 16 says, Confess your faults one to another and pray one for another that ye may be healed. And that being healed is healed of your backsliding, healed of your sin. There are some burdens that the soul was never designed to carry in silence. There are some weights that become heavier the longer we hide 'em. You know, it starts off we think small, the longer we carry it, the bigger it gets. There are some wounds that can be healed, but there's some that cannot begin to heal until they're brought into the light. The word reminds us he that covereth his sins shall not prosper, but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy. Proverbs twenty eight and thirteen. Confession when it is sincere, is not weakness. It's the beginning of freedom. It's the soul saying, I'm tired of hiding, tired of pretending and ready to be made whole. I'm ready to get this monkey off my back. But hear this clearly. This is one point we've got to get. Confession is good for the soul, but not for the ears. Everybody who wants to hear your confession is not qualified to hold your confession. Some ears are just curious, but not compassionate. Some ears are open, but they're not holy. They can do you an awful lot of damage. Some people listen only to collect information and to pass judgment, so they can point a finger at you, or to turn another person's pain into a conversation piece. That's why Scripture teaches a tale bearer reveals secrets, but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter. That's Proverbs eleven and thirteen. Some people would do well to read that. Confession has a sacred purpose. It's meant to bring healing, honesty, accountability, and restoration. It humbles the proud heart. Confession does break the power of shame. And until you get that off your chest sometimes, you're going to just keep that head hung in shame. It invites grace into the places that we tried to cover. The apostle John gives us this promise. If we confess our sins, he, Jesus, is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. That's 1 John 1 and 9. When confession is made before God, and when necessary, before wise and trusted counsel, and sometimes you do need to talk to somebody. Sometimes you're better off talking to a ranked stranger, somebody that you'll never see again in this walk of life, or a counselor, professional counselor, somebody that don't really know you, that you can open up to. That's why wisdom has got to walk with honesty. You gotta use a little wisdom. Don't just try walking in and blurting out the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth, and confess everything that you've ever done. You can really cause a lot of damage if you don't mix wisdom with honesty. You don't take what's sacred and place it in careless hands. Jesus warned, give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast your pearls before the swine. Matthew seven and six. I know that may be a little out of context, but it applies. You do not pour out your soul before those who have not proven that they can cover your prayer, your truth, and your love. There's some people that can hold that sacred oath and commitment, but there's so many more that can't. There's a difference between being transparent and being unguarded. There's a difference between seeking healing and feeding gossip. So let the word for today be this. Confess what needs to be confessed, but choose the altar carefully. I don't know how much experience you got at going to a church altar. A lot of them have been removed from the building. Well there's still an altar, and it may be a pine tree out there in the yard, uh big back doorstep, whatever. But choose the altar carefully. Let your confession cleanse your soul, not entertain careless ears. Let it lead you to repentance, not humiliation, to restoration, not exposure, to peace, not more bondage. Scripture says in the multitude of counselors there is safety. When truth is spoken in the right place, into the right ears, and with the right spirit, the soul can rise lighter, freer, and closer to God. To love someone is not merely enough to just tell them the truth. It is to care about what the truth will do to them. And I know that's a tough one, but you got to take that into consideration. We all need to clear the air and be able to trust each other. If there's been a break of trust in your relationship, it may take a while to get that trust back. You have some mending to do, you have some forgiving to do. And to be honest, there is some blind forgiving that needs to be done. Sometimes you're better off that you really don't know the details of what you're forgiven. You know why that can hurt deep, that can create more unforgiveness, just knowing the details. So a responsible confession considers timing, setting evidence and and support, giving yourself time, you know, to think about it. Don't just run in and start talking. It asks, and don't ever do it when you're angry. Don't confess your sins to somebody that you have hurt when you're angry. That don't work. It asks whether the listener will be alone with the burden. You know, a per person can take what you said to them or what you unloaded on them, what you confess to them, and it becomes a heavy burden, heavier than sometimes they can bear. Some people walk out of relationships because they can't deal with it anymore. It gives people a chance to ask questions. It accepts anger without demanding instant forgiveness. Sometimes we can have righteous indignation. We can just flat out get be mad about it. And that's really human, but there is a godly anger. And you don't have to put up with everything that life throws at you and that people throws at you. You know, you can be angry without demanding instant forgiveness. Most importantly, it recognizes that honesty is not an escape hatch for responsibility. You're still responsible for what you've done, what you've said. Deathbed confessions, and boy, this is a tough one, reveal a tragic tension between the needs of the dying and the needs of the living. Some people put a lot of weight on, well, I need to confess everything I ever done on my deathbed and get it off of me because I'm fixing to face the hereafter and I don't have things right. Be prepared to get that out of you before you're laying there flat of your back, not taking into consideration whose lives you're about to destroy by freeing yourself. That's I know that's cold, but you know what? That's truth. That's honesty. The person nearing death may be longing for peace, absolution, or the freedom of finally being really known for who they are. But love requires more than relief from your own guilt. It requires a concern for the people who will remain after your final breath. Last words can comfort, they can bless, they can heal, they can also wound with a force that echoes for generations. A confession made too late may clear one conscience while shattering a whole lot of other ones. The deeper moral challenge is to tell the truth while there's still time, to tell those we love what we have to tell them and hopefully to be able to survive it, to work through it. But don't wait till your last breath to drop that kind of bomb on a person's life. Few moments carry more emotional weight than the final words of a dying person. And we all know that. A deathbed confession is often imagined as an act of courage, the last honest breath after a lifetime of silence. How long you've been holding on to that secret? That's between you and God. Sometimes we need to keep it that way. Sometimes we need to lay that down at the cross, and we need to leave that leave that alone. The truth finally spoken when there's nothing left to lose. That last honest breath after a lifetime of silence, it can be really, really damaging. It can make you feel free, but it can sure bind other people up. What feels like liberation for the dying can become devastation for the living. A confession made at the end of life may arrive too late for healing. Remember that. You don't have time to heal. Too suddenly for understanding and too permanently for correction. Instead of bringing peace, it can fracture families, rewrite identities, reopen old wounds, burden loved ones with truth they never had the chance to process. And they're left with unimaginable thoughts in their head that can turn their life in the wrong direction. People confess near death for a lot of reasons guilt, fear, faith, regret, or loneliness before disappearing from this world. The dying person may believe that silence has become unbearable or that confession is the only way to make amends or make things right. Don't count on being able to make things right that turns out wrong on your deathbed. In that sense, the impulse can be deeply human. Secrets demand energy. We know that. And at the end of life, when your strength is fading, and that burden of hiding can feel heavier than the consequences of speaking, people get tired of carrying the weight and they unload it on people they love. But the moral problem is that the confession often transfers the burden rather than resolves it. The person who speaks may find relief while the person or the people who hear are left to carry the aftermath. The dying may have only hours or days to live with the truth. The living might have decades, generations to carry forth what you left them on your deathbed repentance. A secret or deathbed confession v being one and the same sometimes, a secret that's been locked away for years can explode into the lives of children, spouses, siblings, friends, people that you care about, who have built their sense of reality on what they believe to be true about you. Some deathbed confessions strike at the foundation of identity. A parent may reveal that a child was adopted right there at the end of life. Maybe they always suspected, you know, you know, some people kid about that. They siblings jab each other, oh you was adopted. You just found under a stump. It's not funny, but it does happen. But a parent may wait and reveal that the child was adopted right at the end of their life, that a biological father was someone else, or the mother was somebody else, that an affair produced a sibling, or that a family story was actually built on a lie. The confession may be factually true, but truth does not arrive in a vacuum. It lands inside relationships, memories, photographs, names, inheritances, and loyalties. For the listener, the damage is not only the new information, but it's the collapse of trust right there in that final minute. They may wonder who else knew and I was the last one to know. Why they were denied the truth and whether their life, their whole life, has just been a lie shaped by deception. A person can grieve not only the dying loved one, but also the version of the family that they thought they belonged to. They don't even know who they are. It's been a lie all along. Even loving relationships can become contaminated by suspicion. Every old memory all of a sudden is re-examined. Every kindness questioned, every silence interpreted as betrayal. Timing is one of the most painful features of a deathbed confession. The truth is delivered at the very moment when meaningful dialogue is the least possible. It's not rational. It's not thinking. It's confessing. The dying person may not be able to answer questions, explain the motives, apologize fully or partially, or endure anger from the ones that they hurt because you're going to get a reaction. You're laying there on your deathbed and you're telling somebody their whole life has been a lie and you've had an affair and they was this one was born as a result of it. On and on, what do you expect? It's going to take time to deal with that. The confession becomes one-sided. It opens a door and then immediately slams it shut with no remedy. This timing can be unintentionally cruel. Loved ones are already overwhelmed by anticipatory grief, medical decisions, family tension, because a lot of families fall apart when somebody starts to die. If there's a money left, if there's anything left to uh family, a lot of people, the fight's on. And there's a lot to work through without having to work through that lie that just come to the light on the deathbed. To place a life-altering revelation into that moment can rob them of the ability to mourn your leaving. Instead of remembering, comforting, or being able to say goodbye, they're forced to absorb shock. The death itself becomes inseparable from the confession, and the final memory of the loved one may not be tenderness but damage. That's not what you want. A confession rarely affects only the person who hears it. Secrets are social. They connect people through marriage, blood, money, reputation, and memory. A dying spouse who confesses to infidelity may not only wound a partner, but also destabilize children's understanding of their parents' marriage. How could I have not seen what y'all were doing all my life when I was growing up? Parents thinking well I had it hid from them. Not always. A parent who reveals hidden debts or financial betrayal may leave survivors facing legal, emotional, and practical consequences. A confession involving abuse, crime, or paternity may force relatives into a conflict over whether to disclose, investigate, forgive, or just remain silent. What a mess. What a mess. Unintended consequences of a death fed confession. A final confession can spread like a crack through glass. One person speaks, but many lives are split. Siblings may take sides. That's not what you want to divide your family any worse because of your having to leave this walk of life. A widow may feel humiliated. Children may resent the parent who confessed and the parent who kept quiet that knew the truth about the deal. Extended family members may argue over whether the truth should be preserved, buried, sometimes oftentimes it's buried or exposed. What was intended as honesty can become the beginning of absolute estrangement. Confession is not the same as accountability. Accountability requires time, humility, listening and repair. It may involve making restitution, accepting consequences, giving people space to respond without you getting defensive. Don't you think you had that coming? Don't you think they have a right to be uh upset or angry? And allowing the wounded to decide what forgiveness even means if they can. Sometimes the grave robs that opportunity for forgiveness. A deathbed confession often offers nothing to the ones that's left behind. It can ask the living to forgive them without without giving them a real opportunity to confront, question, or heal. This is why the phrase I just had to get it off my chest can be morally incomplete. Getting something off your chest may place it directly on somebody else's. The ethical question is not whether the confession is true, but whether it's offered with care for those who must receive it. Be careful. You love them, present it in love. Truth matters, but truth without preparation, support or responsibility can become another form of harm. Another danger is that deathbed confessions are often treated as unquestionably simply because they are final. They just as taken, okay, this is the truth, we're not gonna question it, you know, this is the final word that they wanted to say. Final words are not automatically accurate. Pain medication, you know, when a person's laying there on morphine or some kind of horrible pain medication, they may not be feeling anything. So talking when you're not feeling anything or when you're if you want to call it high on drugs that's meant to keep your pain level down, you're not really operating under your own mind and own heart and esteem. You're you're uh medicated. You're under the influence of something else other than the truth. But pain, medication, fear, confusion, fading memory You know, memory starts taking an exit and the emotional intensity of dying can shape what is said and how it's understood. A confession may be sincere and still be incomplete it may be true in feeling, but it might be mistaken in detail. It may be an attempt to explain guilt, to punish someone, to protect somebody else or control the story that remains after death. Once death is over, there's still a story to be told What a Pandora's box that's an action or decision that seems harmless but leads to uncontrollable and unforeseen troubles. For survivors this uncertainty can be tormenting. They may not know whether to believe the confession, to challenge it or to want to seek proof. If the person who confessed is gone, there may be no other way to clarify the truth. The living are left with a statement powerful enough to change everything, but perhaps not stable enough to trust completely to shadow or to shatter people's lives completely under the shadow of a deathbed confection confession. The lesson is not that painful truths should always remain hidden. Some secrets must be told no matter who it hurts and how it hurts, especially when silence protects harm, denies someone their identity or prevents justice. But if a truth has the power to change life of somebody that you love, it deserves more than a last minute release. It should be handled with courage before death is imminent, while there's still time for conversation, documentation, apology, counseling and repair Now I'm fully aware this has been a tough message and I don't know how many of you listen to the end and sometimes medicine tastes really bad going down. But it takes it. So that's why I started this message today backwards like I told you to begin with I needed to back into the message to make a couple of vital points and that was to get your attention and to try to hold your attention to the end even though it may have hurt. Y'all be blessed. I look forward to being back with you again very soon.