Curvy, Catholic, and Done Comparing with Francesca Jansen

🍪 Francesca Jansen got pregnant with twins barely a year into her marriage, tore her ACL right before a missionary program she'd planned her whole life around, and spent years believing she wasn't worth pursuing because of her weight. In this conversation with Liv Harrison, she gets radically honest about what it's like to be a plus-size young mom in the Catholic world and how she stopped letting the internet define her worth.

They also dig into the breastfeeding guilt no one talks about, why surrender isn't a one-time thing, and how Saint Maria Goretti taught her to forgive herself. This one's for you if you've ever scrolled past a friend's photo and felt like you didn't measure up.

💛 Guest Bio

Francesca Jansen is a Catholic content creator, handmade jewelry maker, and twin mom based in Chicago. She runs Ite Ad Joseph, an Etsy shop where she designs faith-inspired jewelry by hand after her boys go to sleep. Francesca is known online for her honest, unfiltered perspective on body image, young motherhood, and navigating faith as a plus-size woman in the Catholic space. She lives in the city with her husband Christian and their twin sons, Joseph and Benedict. 

Follow Francesca:
https://www.instagram.com/francescajanssen_/

Chapters

00:00 Babies and Beautiful Chaos

00:40 Meet Fran: Twin Mom at 24

03:44 The Unsolicited Advice Industrial Complex

05:00 Newly Married, Immediately Outnumbered

06:43 "Trying to Find Myself Through Other People"

08:50 Falling Down Stairs Tearing ACL

10:55 First Dates and the Feast of St. Joseph

13:30 "Never Thought I Was Worth Pursuing"

15:00 Liv's 300-Pound Weight Loss

17:30 Friends Who Make a Living Being Beautiful

20:20 Pregnant, Plus-Size, Carrying Twins

23:00 "If I Just Hit This Number" Lie

25:50 Every Woman Sees Something She'd Change

27:20 Curvy Catholic Fashion Finds

30:30 Learning to Forgive Yourself

34:20 Twin Mom Survival Tips

35:50 Breastfeeding Guilt Nobody Talks About

38:10 Birth Plans, Epidurals, and Letting Go of "Superwoman"

40:40 Where Comparison Really Starts

41:10 Fran's Jewelry Shop

43:10 Prayer Requests and Closing

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I never thought I was somebody who was worth pursuing. Just to be honest, if the chunky girl, the fat girl says anything, they're just gonna say that I'm making excuses for myself. They're not actually gonna see the person, they're just gonna see excuses. This thirst isn't about actually fitting into that dress from that designer store that you've always wanted. It's not about that size two, zero, six, ten, whatever gown or jeans you wanna fit in. That is never actually the root of it. Blaming past traumas. I spent blaming myself. And I never truly laid anything at the foot of Christ. I think I would like hand it to him, but we'd be tugging it back and forth, like, just kidding. I will keep it because I don't think that I'm worthy to actually give this up. I was being very hard-headed, like, if I get an epidural, then I'm weak. Tearing myself down or allowing people to walk all over me and thinking like that was okay because I probably am not doing something right or I'm not where I'm supposed to be a gotta say, Fran, I was watching a show last night, and the woman was talking about being a mother and how it's like this beautiful chaos.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

And I hear your beautiful chaos in the background, and I just want to claim it. I want to lean into your beautiful chaos. I don't want to run from it. I want to say, yeah, those are babies. If anybody hears any babies during this interview at all, it's because you've made people and you made a few of them.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

Yeah, two at one time, you know, it's just the double whammy. Like God was like, why give her one when I can just make a chaos and give her two?

SPEAKER_00 1:53

So here's what I love about you, Fran. Okay, I've known you um, I don't even know how long, but we have a mutual friend, Meryless, who is a friend of the show. And uh, and you are just as chill today. I had one baby, and then I didn't have another baby till 400 years later. And I I like lose my mind constantly. You're like, well, I just mean multiple people, and I'm just super chill all the time.

SPEAKER_01 2:22

That is you, friend. It's really funny. Like, I constantly tell people like the reason that God gave me two is because he knew one wouldn't slow me down. And they have incredibly slowed me down, and it's just a whole new frame of life, but I can't imagine like not having one without the other. So it's it's a it's a great blessing.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

I love it. And I love that they're in the background. And Fran was like, no, we don't want to hear the babies. And I'm like, bring them out. Like, this is what real life is. You know what? It's like that wonderful, wonderful piece of uh media where the guy is doing the interview on like CNN, and then the baby comes in, and then the mom crawls across the floor to grab the baby. Did you ever see that during like yes?

SPEAKER_01 3:05

I mean, that's my life at work. That's why like I'm so thankful I work from home and like babies always pop up in our Zoom calls, and it's just like, oh good, the gang's all here.

SPEAKER_00 3:16

I love it. I say own it, you know? I mean, and they're not gonna, even though right now, and to every new mom on the planet, your baby feels like it's gonna be a baby forever. Yeah, like this person will never not wet its pants. Like, this is constant. It's just forever. They will be 45 years old, independents. Like, this is just the way that it feels like it.

SPEAKER_01 3:41

I mean, we just go through tons and tons of diapers, like, no, tomorrow.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

But it won't, it won't be forever, believe it or not. And I know everybody tells you that they're like, oh, savor every moment. And I'm sure you've gotten lots of advice from lots of people. Because that's that's people's favorite thing to do is find out that you're pregnant, or you have made people, or that you've made two people at once, and then they're like, Oh, interesting. I wrote an encyclopedia on advice, and you're like, I didn't ask.

SPEAKER_01 4:15

Literally. And it's really funny because I'm somebody who I love other people's thoughts, opinions on things, like at the right time. I think it's always at the worst time when I'm about to have a mental breakdown when the advice starts to roll in that makes absolutely no sense at all, especially with like sleeping, like they just have a hard time at night. I was like, Yeah, I would have a hard time too if my brother was screaming in my ear in the middle of the night. And I I think I also would wake up crying uh three times a night. And yeah, so people were like, but let me solve that for you.

SPEAKER_00 4:46

You're like, interesting.

SPEAKER_01 4:47

Yeah, they're like, have you tried moving them or like something crazy? I'm like, hmm, two-bedroom condo in the city. Yeah, let me put them on the roof real quick. Like so yeah, I love it.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

I love it. Oh my gosh. No, it's I think I think that's the big secret to, I mean, you're young, you know. How uh how old are you? Do you mind? Do you are you open to sharing your 25? Yeah, 25. And were you 25 when you had the twins?

SPEAKER_01 5:16

Um, I was actually wait, yeah, it's 24. So yeah, like how old was I? It we're like, it feels like it was 12 years ago. It does. I know. Math just is hard nowadays.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

Your brain is being used for other things, my friend. For sure. For other things, Bran. What's so great is that you live in Chicago. Yeah, you are really newly married. I mean, when you think about it, you've been married 10 minutes, and in minute 11, you made babies, and there you go. Look at that. It's just like the video. It's just like the CNN guy. I'm so sorry. No, no, no, no, no, no. Never apologize for your life. Never apologize for those beautiful babies that you made. This is the living room. Literally we're in the living room. Yeah, you have humans. What do you think is happening in real life? This is real life. And if people can't handle it, we're not for them. You know what? Agreed. Okay, I'm gonna calm down now. I'm like, yeah, don't worry about it. You're perfect. So here you go. You live in Chicago, yeah, you're newly married. How long have you been married? Uh, it'll be two years this June. So, not even. So, you are newlyweds because you're newlyweds for two years. Did you know that? You know, we had this discussion.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

I was like, did did Christian and I, because I was like, Oh, we're newlyweds like a month ago, and he's like, No, we're not. And I'm like, he's like, we have two kids, and I'm like, so isn't this phase like for five years? And but it's good to know that there's a two-year mark, so I'm gonna use it to my advantage.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

You know, I don't know if that's still true. There used to be like the seven-year itch, and now there's the five-year itch. Oh, did you know that? No, yeah. Well, my degree was in human development, so so you know these things. I listen, I'm an expert. I love it. No, but you're so you're a newlywed, you live in Chicago, and you get pregnant very early in your marriage, and surprise, it's twins. Double, double, and you're five years old. No, not really, but you're twenty four. You're like, I'm still growing my frontal lobe. It wasn't there yet. And you have two little boys. What are their names?

SPEAKER_01 7:31

Yeah, so Joseph and Benedict.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

Oh, how cute is that? And they are so precious. Yeah, tomorrow will be 10 months.

SPEAKER_01 7:39

It's like unreal.

SPEAKER_00 7:40

That's my favorite. My favorite newborn age is 10 months. Isn't that weird?

SPEAKER_01 7:45

You know, it's hard because they both are at the phase right now where they see each other, like, let me just take a bite. And I'm like, for what? Your brother is not an apple.

SPEAKER_00 7:54

Yeah, like that's that's where I'm getting confused. They don't know. They're putting everything in their mouth, including other people's feet. Yes. So I gotta say, I mean, there's so many things to talk about because here's here's the great thing about you, Fran. When I when you floated into my life, you were a lot younger, okay, which is shocking because you're you're beautiful young now. But you were younger and you were in a bad place. Do you remember? You were in a bad place.

SPEAKER_01 8:25

I don't think I had anything figured out, and I I was trying to force like a puzzle piece into every wrong spot in my life.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

Yes, I love for sure. You were trying to put a puzzle piece in every wrong spot, and we connected because I'm 908 years old. I'm like an old tortoise. You're really not. Math is hard. Math is hard. Yeah, it is. And and I was trying to be this wise friend to you and like, you know, give you encouragement and all that stuff. But kind of bring me back, if you don't mind, bring me back to that time, to that, to that really dark, horrible time in your life. What was going on, friend? Because everything, I mean, you were like, it no relationship, no job, you hurt your well. Look, I'm telling all the what am I doing?

SPEAKER_01 9:15

No, you go. I went through a couple years of just really craziness. I think I was always trying to figure out who I was through other people and what they were doing.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

And so I that wait a second, let's pause right there for two seconds. Would you say that again? I think that is really profound. You were trying to find yourself through other people.

SPEAKER_01 9:34

Yeah, I was trying to find myself through other people. Like I would see other people's careers and what they were doing, and I thought like I had to do that, or I had to be there to do things correctly, or I had to look a certain way or fit in certain mold or have certain friends. And it it was really a tie, and I at that moment, obviously, I didn't think this. I thought, like, this is how you make it, this is how you figure life out is by looking into other people's lives. And there's a difference between being mentored by somebody who truly loves and cares about you to people that will use you or take advantage of you and your skills.

SPEAKER_00 10:06

Um, and then a couple of people that use my friend Fran. Oh my gosh, right? No. And I mean, and we will not name names. Don't worry. This is not this is not the Jerry Springer show. So don't worry about that. It's a safe space.

SPEAKER_01 10:21

And I mean, there's so many like different angles, right? Like I was in college, and I think every college kid kind of goes through this, especially because I was a COVID college kid. Like, I only had a year and a half of normal college experience, and then the rest was like just chaos online, and you know, going home, moving so many times. So, like, yeah, I mean at one point I fell down 18 stairs face first. Somehow I was when we connected. And what did you hear? Like, you just no, that's another issue. Oh, you did keep falling. So I kept falling. I I the joke currently is I fall for Jesus, literally. Um I when I don't listen to him, it's feels like things happen. He pushes you, which is a very violent guy. I just think Jesus were suffering. No, he tries to like show me lovingly, and then finally he's like, enough. The only way I can get through to her is if she physically can't move. Now I'm just I'm just kidding. I hear he was gracious and get the joke. I get the joke.

SPEAKER_00 11:19

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

So yeah, I like had you know, like this injury during college, and I like had to move home for a bit because I fell and like broke my wrist and it was like a whole thing. And then I was, you know, single trying to force it. I tried like all the dating apps. I was wondering like, why not me? I went through like a crisis in college because I felt like, you know, I was really struggling at the time with like my weight and just figuring out my own identity. And I was just like, well, if I looked this way, maybe guys would ask me out. Or if there was a guy interested, I was like, well, do my boundaries really matter? And it was like you know, I had God protecting me the whole time, thankfully. Um and then I had all these great plans. I thought like I really wanted to force like to be some sort of missionary. So I applied and I got into like a program. And then literally the day like or two after I got in, I fell on ice and I tore my ACL, MCL, and meniscus. And that is like where I thought my life was over when it really was just beginning. Um, and that's where I was just gonna bring this up today, too, Liv. Like, I will never forget people that were there for me. Like, I remember you sent crumble cookies to my parents' house after my surgery, and I and I was like, this is the best day of my life after I just had a total knee repair.

SPEAKER_00 12:36

Listen, it here's the point of having a uh funny, curvy fat friend. Uh, I'm gonna send you some, I'm gonna send you some crumble cookies. People listen, if you need something, send me your your address, ask my friends. I love to mail baked goods. Like love language.

SPEAKER_01 12:56

Hey, it was hey, gift giving is mine too. And in that moment, I needed those crumble cookies.

SPEAKER_00 13:01

Sometimes you just need to just forget and know that there are no calories on surgery day.

SPEAKER_01 13:06

That is just no, and one thing that's so memorable about that memorable is you sent those cookies, and then Christian, my now husband, he sent flowers. That's like right after they came. And at the time we had only gone on our first date. And I remember my mom's like, Who's Liv and who's Christian, and who are these people sending things to our house? And it was just a time. It was awesome.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

It was so funny. I didn't realize that you and Christian had met before you fell and broke everything you could possibly break.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

So it was like a few weeks before it happened. We had met through uh, of course, our mutual friend uh on Instagram. Yes, and he had messaged me, we were just kind of talking. That's like a whole silly story. But um essentially I was he slid in your DMs. He slid in the DMs, which I never thought would happen to me, to be honest. And it was one of those things where I like was just going through so much because I tore my knee that like because we went on the date when my knee was already torn. I said, like, listen, if this is just some sort of like texting thing for you, either like get on a train to Kenosha and let's go on a date, or like this probably isn't gonna work out. I was just very obvious about it. And yeah, literally two days before my surgery, we went on our first date on the feast day of Saint Joseph.

SPEAKER_00 14:29

Oh, now did you know that he was gonna be the one after that first date, or you were just so focused on staying alive?

SPEAKER_01 14:36

So honestly, I I was like in La La Land world, so I was like, I really like this guy, I think he's amazing, but I never thought I was somebody who was worth pursuing, just to be honest, like that is where I was in my life. Let's go there.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

Why? Yeah, what what was it? Yeah, what made you think that you weren't worth pursuing? Because I find that fascinating.

SPEAKER_01 14:57

Yeah, I just had a very horrible like way of perceiving myself. I I really struggled with because I was struggling with my weight, like I thought that I wasn't worthy because I didn't look a certain lens that like the online world has portrayed, like that you're worthy of being pursued, or like what you have to be. And then I just for years I just had let comparison come in. Yeah, and it it's it didn't happen overnight. And I've only reconciled this like the past year or two, or this took years of you know, self-deprecating humor with everybody. Like, yeah, right. Just like tearing myself down or or allowing people to walk all over me and thinking like that was okay because I probably am not doing something right or I'm not where I'm supposed to be. So yeah, that that played a huge part.

SPEAKER_00 15:48

And this you and I have a lot in common because I mean, if anybody's followed my story at all, I mean I think you're breathtaking. Like I want to wake up and look like you every day, but that's another story. You're funny. But you know, I used to weigh over 500 pounds, uh, around 525. And so I've lost over 300 pounds. But I'm actually struggling with my weight right now. I'm struggling with it. I got down to a really great, I feel like I did what everybody does, where you get down to this certain thing, and I'm like, hello, Sports Illustrated, I'm one of your models now. And I'm ready. Yeah, they're like, we didn't ask. Um, and then life happens and you go back, you know, you kind of you kind of fluctuate. Those of us who have issues with weight, yeah, don't you think that it is forever? It's like for me, it's every day.

SPEAKER_01 16:40

Oh, yeah, it's every day in the front of my mind. Single day. It's everything you think about. It's you know, you you walk past doors because you know like it's not even worth walking in because you just you know you're gonna feel uncomfortable within like the next few minutes of like, oh yeah, like nothing's gonna fit. Anyways, it's in every move. Or if you get asked to be a bridesmaid, the first thing you think is, Oh my gosh, what am I gonna look like in a dress? Are they gonna ask me to wear satin? I will have a heart attack. It's literally me to wear mine.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

I was like, I will look like an aquarium. I was like, I can't be in a bright orange. What are you talking about? People will be like, I'm sorry, is that the set design? What is happening right now? Oh my gosh. I mean, I hear you, friend. Yeah, there's a lot that people don't think about when you are a curvy gal, and especially, you know, those of us who are public, you know, you're public, you're you're an up-and-coming public figure. Same. I'm also I'm 900, but you know, you're young and spry. You are not. But you you have a lot of, and I'm just gonna be honest, both of us, but I want to focus on you. You have a lot of beautiful friends who make a living being beautiful, you know what I mean? Like literally, and telling people how to live beautiful and what beautiful looks like. And it's hard when you're online and you see these women, especially ones that you know in real life, yeah, and they don't look like you. Exactly. Right? Yeah. And and then you go back and you're like, well, what does that mean? Does that mean that I'm not beautiful? Does that mean that my life is not? I mean, how does that make you feel when you see, especially even people that you know and love? And they're not doing it on purpose. Oh, for sure. They get to walk every day looking like a giraffe. Good for them. And so they get to get to do that. I don't want them not to. I want them to continue. Yeah. But it's not their fault. But how do you internalize that as a young woman on the internet in your mid-20s, looking at friends who are beautiful, that their life is about how you look?

SPEAKER_01 18:45

I mean, I'll be so honest, it to this day it's hard. I I think it's gotten a lot easier over the past like three or four years, um, since breaking down everything. Like, it's hard when you're scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, doom scrolling, and it's one thing after another of like, here, like, use this coupon code for this. Oh, sorry, the dresses only go up to a size large. And oh, if you're not that size, here's how you should feel. And that's like what you build inside of your brain, like just seeing all this stuff over and over again. I think there was a time in my life, and I think this is very normal, especially when I was a little younger, like where I took it very personally, but I felt like I could never say anything about it because I thought, okay, if the the chunky girl, the fat girl, says anything, they're just gonna say that I'm, you know, making excuses for myself. They're not actually gonna see the person, they're just gonna see excuses, they're not gonna see like my heart, they're just gonna see, like, I don't know, I don't know if you understand that, but it it feels like there's never something that you could say that's enough. And I feel like in the past year or so, like I was like, enough of that, like I'm just gonna live my life. And if people have a problem with it, or if you know they think that I'm extremely unhealthy for X, Y, Z reason, like they don't know me, they don't see my charts, they don't know like what has gone on in my life, and it's something that I've genuinely struggled like to fight through, but I get DMs sometimes from people I have no idea who they are, and I try to answer every single one, being like, Wow, like I feel so seen by your post because you look like me, and you're not saying like I have to look XYZ or change. And of course, I always want to choose health. I I always I've been working on this for years pro health. I don't want people to be like, This is me saying, like, it's fine, but I do know that there are so many wounds and struggles that come with this like like cross to carry. And it's something where even like my family has been so supportive, but they are and they love me so much, and it's like, you know, they can't do anything about it. Like, I have to be the one who surrenders this and works on it. And yeah, so it's really hard when you see people online or especially people you know online talk about things because they know what I'm going through, or they should at least imagine that someone's going through something. And I think some things just don't need to be said that have been said.

SPEAKER_00 21:13

I think this is a really important subject because here's the thing every woman, I don't care, even if she is a giraffe, looks at herself and sees something that she would change or that isn't worthy or that isn't okay and really struggles with it. I think women deal with it a lot more than men because of the way that we are genetically made up. You know, we have babies. I gotta, I gotta go to the question and ask as a plus size gal, being pregnant with two, yeah, how did that deal with you mentally? How did you handle that?

SPEAKER_01 21:46

Oh, it was really difficult because okay, first of all, best blessing ever having twins. But immediately everything changed, like in your perspective of like what it's like to have a baby in general, because Now everything's multiplied. So you know, you see the mom with the cutesy bass and dead and the little this and that. And like when you're a twin mom, it's just survival and like what's the most practical thing ever. So there's that side to it, but then there's like the physicality side where genuinely, when we started trying to have our babies just to be very transparent, I thought it was going to be just a bigger struggle because my mom had struggled with infertility for so long, and I knew that I wasn't at the weight that I wanted to be at, but we were very open to life because we got married and I was like, we could handle it. Um, so when we found out it was twins, and you know, you have every single doctor telling you that like your risks, and I already have some anxiety, so I was like, great. So now not only do I have risks because it would have been one, but I have all of these other ones amplified. And then it was the clothing piece of like, well, what can I wear so I don't just look like a frump all day? And there's so many stores online that just work carrying things that I was like, yes, like I will feel beautiful and confident in these things. So that was something that was really hard for me for quite a while. Um, but I think I just got to a place where thankfully I have to give so much kudos to my husband because I I could look and feel like a sack of potatoes, and I would still be the most beautiful woman to him, and that's all that mattered. And when I would get into those head spaces, a lot of the times it was because I was like isolated by myself and like listening to the world and the noise again.

SPEAKER_00 23:28

So the enemy could work on you when you were alone. Yeah, and so it's so interesting how marriage, right? We had this vocation, this beautiful covenant in the Catholic Church with your partner, and it's not just a contract, right? We believe it's we believe it's a sacrament, and it's a way, especially in those moments, Fran, I don't know if you felt this, but that's the way that God could take care of you is through Christian, through your husband. You know, that's the way that he could be there for you. So, how have you come to terms with your faith and your weight? Like, how have you come to this place of do you know what I mean? Like in your relationship with Christ.

SPEAKER_01 24:09

No, 100%. I think it's just had to be completely reformatted because there was a lot of the times that I spent blaming um past traumas. I spent blaming myself. And I never truly laid anything at the foot of Christ. I think I would like hand it to him, but we'd be tugging it back and forth, like, here, you can have all of these things that I've struggled with. Just kidding. I will keep it because I don't think that I'm worthy to actually give this up. Um, and I just think because, like, God willing, we want to keep growing our family, like, I just have come to terms with realizing that like this is something across that I have to carry and it is not gonna change overnight, and nothing great ever changes overnight. But also the goal is health and not just being like, Oh, I now fit into aloe, everybody. Like, have I succeeded now? Because I think if I keep that mentality, or if any woman keeps that mentality of if I do something like X, then I will be happy. That is just such a detrimental way to live in general, like, not even just with your weight, with like with other things in your life. Like, oh, once I can have this car, I've made it. Like, it it's the same thing with our own bodies. Like, I've accepted that, like, wow, like God loved my children enough to give them to me because he knew like I needed to be their mother. Like, that's at the forefront of my mind instead of oh wow, I don't fit in this anymore. Um I I like they're the greatest blessing, and I would do it a tenfold, and I would keep struggling with this um over and over again because it like they're worth it and my husband's worth it, and most importantly, like I'm worth that. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 25:47

Yeah, I I I relate so much to everything that you're saying because I do I like I said, weight is huge for me. I I feel like uh Oprah was the the one that kind of opened the floodgates on this whole conversation of being a woman who wasn't a size zero and saying, Okay, let's let's talk about that. And here's the thing, and I want to say this one more time. If you are a size zero, that's fantastic. Like there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. And there's nothing that you're doing that's wrong. But it is difficult as I think that anytime that you're outside the norm, you know, of what you know, like if a if a guy is three feet tall, that's gotta be hard, you know. Like men aren't usually three feet tall, neither are women. You know what I mean? That's difficult. So anything outside the norm is is hard. And weight is hard because I think what's interesting about weight is like where height, you can't control it. Everybody assumes, well, you can control your weight. Right. This is because you are XYZ. Here comes the advice. Like I used to get advice all the time, like, you know what you should do? You should stop eating. And I'm like, that's I know. I know that's great. I'll, you know, I'll write that down and I'll remember that the three times that we all stop our day and eat every time. Yeah, a great note. You know, um I know, I know you can relate. Do you have anything? Any I would love to spin this to a positive thing. What are some positive things as a curvy Catholic? That I'm gonna I'm gonna make this into a thing. We're gonna start a club of the curvy Catholics. I love it. I know, and say, you know what? Here's some tips, here's some brands, here's some stores, here's some places that are welcoming and inclusive and that I thrive in. Is there anywhere that you have just fallen in love with that you're like ladies? Absolutely, yes, gentlemen.

SPEAKER_01 27:35

This is where we literally had a conversation yesterday with somebody on Instagram about this. It was great. It was she was just like, I um I'm stuck, and I'm like, listen, if anybody has scoured the internet, it's me. Uh the brands that like I wear all the time, I feel like, because I've been trying to work on my style too as well. Um, so very capsule, but like Baltic born has been great. One loved babe. I got all of my like clothes for twin pregnancy there, like my cute dresses. Um, I also love Jessica. And like these are these brands are a little more like like mid to higher tier, I guess, but also Target's been working so much on like their brand for plus size closing clothing. And there's just there's room for us. Like, I don't want anybody to think that if something doesn't fit in a store that like you're the problem. Like, I just want to like make that abundantly clear because I don't know. I could be, let's say, like a 1x in this store, but in another store it's like a two, three X, and like I'll have a mental breakdown. I don't know if you've ever gone through that. Oh, but it's like, what's wrong with me? Um yeah, you're you like clothes are meant to fit you, not the other way around. And I know everybody's kind of heard that phrase. Actually, I've never heard that phrase. Liv has never heard it.

SPEAKER_00 28:52

Yes. There's a great nugget. Clothes are meant to fit you, not the other way around. I never thought about that, actually. That's fantastic. Well, 100%. Yeah. Yeah. And I've got to stop looking at the tags. I mean, especially because I never I was. Here's the thing. I was always obese, like from the beginning of my life. It's not like I wasn't like that cute little athlete, you know, and then had a bunch of kids and then plumped up, you know, like I not that kind of story. Like I don't have those cute, adorable pictures of me, like in short shorts and you know, a crop top. Right. Last time I did that, I was three years old. You know what I mean? So I was like the one and only time like a bikini. Yo, I thank my parents every day for putting me in a bikini when I was three, because at least I've got a photo. I love it. But, you know, um that that's just not that's not my story. I don't have so when I did lose the weight to a point where I was wearing, I mean, I got down to a size six gene, which I think is psychotic. And here's what I want to say that is so crazy. I still thought I'm too fat. Uh-huh. I had so many issues in my brain. And so that's how I know it doesn't matter where you're at as a woman. You know what I mean? You're constantly saying, I can look better, I can be better. And what I think we have to understand is is that, and and you you started, you started going there, and I kind of want to bring us back. Sure. Is you've got to be grounded in Christ. As much as that sounds so cliche and so lame, and so like, oh, we got it, we understand. No, no, no, legit. Like you're not, if you're chasing a number instead of chasing God, you're never gonna be satisfied. Never.

SPEAKER_01 30:45

It's it's one of those things where I even to this day, it's like, oh, like if I lose this much weight, then we can try for baby number three. Oh, and maybe four, because since twins we find out are genetic. Like, I did that for like a brief moment after like I gave birth. I was like, great, so now I now that I've had the kids, I can get to this number and it'll be great. And it's like, no, like I have to just completely surrender that because what I it my thirst will never be satisfied. And I know this about myself, and I think a lot of girls in this situation, even on the reverse end of the scale, like we know that this thirst is only quenched with Christ. Like, this thirst is isn't about like actually fitting into that like dress from that designer store that you've always wanted. It's about that feeling of am I loved truly by my friends, family around me, and Christ. Like, am I really fulfilled in those spaces and angles? It's not about that size two, zero, six, ten, whatever gown or jeans you want to fit in. That is never actually the root of it, I've learned. It's it's the other way around. It's that fulfilled, loved feeling.

SPEAKER_00 31:48

Yeah, absolutely. Do you have anything that has helped you um get to that place with Christ? Journaling, a book, a saint, is there anything that that helped bring you back or anchor you into this space?

SPEAKER_01 32:01

No, for sure. Journaling was a big thing for me, especially at the beginning of this journey, like being able to get on paper exactly how I felt, um, because I feel like I didn't have the words to articulate it. And then uh my favorite saint, Saint Maria Goretti, and you might be like, mm-hmm, how does that story fit into here? Forgiveness. Ultimately, her story was forgiving the man who killed her. And a lot of the times I relate that to forgiving of myself, forgiving of others for the things that they've said to me, like truly laying that down and surrender at Christ's feet to be like, I can't carry this weight anymore of what this person said or what I said about myself. Like, you have to take it. And I don't care if I have to surrender it 60 times. That is the only answer that I've discovered that actually works. And I've learned that forgiveness isn't something that just ends, it is a constant thing. And I think we've all experienced this with a friend, a family member, anything where you've been hurt, where there's times you have to revisit that and keep forgiving. And so St. Maretta's really been there and walked with me through that journey.

SPEAKER_00 33:03

I love that. I've never thought of her in that in that way to walk with, you know, like yeah, I have a lot of saint friends, but yes, um, yeah, exactly. And I didn't, I've I haven't thought of her walking with me in that sense, especially forgiveness of self. And that's huge. When you're dealing with any cross that is, you know, with yourself, uh weight is just an example. It just happens to be a cross that you and I share. We probably share a lot of crosses, you know what I mean? But like that's the one. Here's the thing with weight, it's an obvious one you can see. You can't see a lot of people's crosses, you know. So with the weight, when at some point you have to take ownership and say, Yeah, no, I know, like I am aware, you know, because people act like you don't own a mirror or you don't have clothes that you get into every day. And they're like, Yeah, maybe you don't know, so let me tell you.

SPEAKER_01 33:52

Like, we are our biggest critics, and that's what like I like to say to some people like, um, like I don't know, like sometimes I've gotten like comments on things, not often, but like I I have her messages, and it's like, oh my gosh, can you actually send me a mirror to my house? I was unsure of these things. Thank you. Here's my address.

SPEAKER_00 34:12

No, it's true, and it's like, and also the thing about weight is it's not going to fix in one day. I mean, I eat a salad and I'm like, I should hop on a scale. I have lost 20 pounds. And everyone's like, it was a salad. I am the same.

SPEAKER_01 34:29

I want to see.

SPEAKER_00 34:29

I'm like, yeah, but I'm putting in chia seeds, y'all.

SPEAKER_01 34:32

So I'm pretty sure. I was doing like chia seed water once. I've tried every diet node to man 21-day fit. You've probably done it too. Oh. I would like to have one really good day, and I'm like, you cannot see me behind a telephone pole. I am invisible. I mean, you cannot see me anymore. It's so true. So I totally get it. But yeah, it's the same thing with like the twin mom life. Like people telling me things I don't know. Like, I'll be on the corner. I mean, I live in the city, so you you get all kinds of characters. Like, I'll be standing on the corner. And if it's not me being asked if I'm a nanny, it's like, there's two. And my husband always says, actually, there's a third. We just left him at home. Or we'll just start saying like uncanny things. It's like, oh, tell us something we aren't aware of. Thank you. There's two.

SPEAKER_00 35:25

You're like, people really think we're bad at math. I know. That's hilarious. I I never thought about people saying obvious things to a twin mom. Oh, like, but that makes sense. So that that's another outward situation going on, and people want to say something, you know, that there's two. And uh, and that's just crazy. So tell me some of your twin tricks. Somebody just found out they're pregnant with twins or their friend has twins. What is something that you're like, all right, listen? This is the advice you want to write down.

SPEAKER_01 35:56

No, like the actual advice. I the step one, accept your accept a village and accept that you need people. Um, I think there's a lot with new moms that you become very like, I don't know what the word is, but like you're just like, this is all mine. Like, I will figure it out. I'm gonna do this. Um, so you're just like, I don't want the help. I I got this. Like, I don't need anybody's thoughts. But actually, this is the time where you call on those like my mother, or you know, like she comes over once a week and she stays two, three nights. And yeah, is that ideal? Probably not, but what a gift that my mother gets to see them grow up. And I we also receive this help. Um, and I have a lot of friends who I literally have in the city. We live on the second floor where I'm like, listen, if you want me to come hang out with you, you have to help me bring them down the stairs, or I'm falling with them down the stairs. Like, there's uh so I think yeah, like growing that village is very important. And I know there's a lot of people that are like, Well, I don't have a village, like I don't live around people or I don't have those friends. Well, then this is the time that you really like get with your spouse, and you're like, listen, this we need to have a game plan, like accepting that you're not superwoman, because I was unable to get into breastfeeding with my twins, and this honestly wasn't something I was thinking about talking about because I still beat myself up about it and I've been working on it. A lot of work I just wasn't able to produce the way that some women do, and the twins one was in the NICU for a little bit, so he got used to a bottle very quickly. And again, online world, if you're not breastfeeding, you're doing something wrong. I was pumping for a long time, and yeah, we did have to move to formula, and I would beat myself up because again, other people's expectations and thoughts, and also in my head, all of pregnancy, I was like, I'm a boss, I'm gonna do this. So as soon as I couldn't do it, I was trying to say that I wasn't good at it. I wasn't giving them what they needed, and if there's any ailments down the line, it's my fault. Um so that's something that especially moms. Yeah, and I think all moms, but especially twin moms, it's like you had or even triple it, multiple moms. It's it's okay to surrender like when things aren't working out the way that you wanted, or if it's not aesthetic that you thought it would be. Like there's a like it's just hard. It's hard to have too many people at once that needs you. But when you're looking at their little faces at 2 a.m. and they've got that little like smile, not smile thing going on. It's like it's it's worth that it's worth those sleepless nights.

SPEAKER_00 38:25

Yeah. No, and I'm glad you said this for for new moms because here's the thing this mommy war thing, it's been going on since and and I'm an ancient mom. My kids are 90. And they're younger than will be. I know. I listen, that's why I married a financial advisor because math is I mean it. Math is hard, like it really is. I agree. And so here my kids are older, but you know, I wasn't able to have vaginal birth. I had C-section. Well, am I even a woman? You know what I mean? Like you have like one purpose, you get these things out of your body, and then you're supposed to nurse them. Well, I was over 500 pounds. Now I was able to nurse, I think that was only because God was like really feel bad for me. But we also supplemented because my son was failure to thrive, and so we supplemented with formula. We did both and. Yeah. Um, here's the bottom line: the thing is that it's your family, it's your kid. Yeah, you've got to do what is best. And there is no right or wrong. Because I had a baby come out of my body through a surgery doesn't make me any less of a woman. Because I had to give my kid formula doesn't make me any less of a mom. Like, there is no perfect way to do this. We're human beings, and I really I love that you brought this up so women can hear other women look at you and say, You're not broken. You're not broken because you couldn't do it the way that you thought your birth plan that you wrote. Oh my gosh, birth plans.

SPEAKER_01 39:59

Let me tell you, Chet GPT and I had a party and we wrote like a seven-page birth plan of everybody else's thoughts, mind you. I was like, Oh yes, like what's the standard for XYZ? And so my entire birth plan, first of all, didn't come out of Christian's backpack. And all of it, either way, didn't go to plan. And it was the best gift ever that it didn't go to plan. Because again, I think this all comes down to like me learning the through the years of this surrender, like I like just to be very like open. Like during my birth, like my blood pressure was just spike, spike, spike. And they they are like a doctor came in and was like, if you don't take the epidural, your blood pressure, if it spikes again like this, you will either go under or you will have a C-section. And I was being very hard-headed, like, I can't. I if I get an epidural, then I'm weak. Again, I thank God I have Christian because he's like, Okay, I want you and the babies healthy. Like, can we just reframe this? And I got it, and I was beating myself again up about it. But I think it's like 10 months later now, I'm like best gift ever, because I was able to have them vagually and like a gift. Yeah, they are both here. I'm here, and and if somebody comes up to you and asks you what kind of birth did you have, and they're judging you, that's not your fault. That's crazy. They think what they want, like it's it's just kind of insane. Like we've got the the root, the genuine root that if I had the time of the day that I could get into with everybody is this comparison starts so young. Yeah, it and and that is really where the root of a lot of my pain that I've caused myself is listening to the world, and that stems really from everything that we've kind of discussed so far. It's like this game that we play and not letting God's voice and peace surround me, uh letting others surround me first. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:04

No, he's got to be the one and only voice that you're listening to. And I think that you've been such a great example. What's really cool is that you have taken something that you have so much on the outside that people can judge and they do judge you on, and you've created something in your own way with your jewelry and your shop and the things that you do, and you create something that is on the outside that's beautiful. I don't know if you've put that together. No, I haven't. But you have this. I I do, and I love your work. I love the I I just think that you're such a beautiful, beautiful creative, and I think that your work is just going to get more and more seen. Uh, I haven't told you this personally, so why not tell you this publicly? But um I love it. My daughter, who's 15, she's not actually 90, she's 15, and I gifted her one of your beautiful necklaces. So sweet. All of her friends want one. So, success. I've made it the 15-year-olds made it. I love it. I mean, when the 15-year-olds say that you're cool, man. I mean, I don't know what else you're going for. You're done. I can retire.

SPEAKER_01 43:16

Thank you. Have a good night.

SPEAKER_00 43:19

So I want people to be able to find your store, like it definitely like your work. So, where can people find your stuff?

SPEAKER_01 43:27

Yeah. So I'm on Etsy right now because I'm just so small and I'm figuring things out. So it's I at Joseph would just go to Joseph. He's the patron of our family, and he's the reason I think all of this has sorted itself out. The man said nothing, okay? And he's changed it my whole life. Um, so yeah, it's I t I-T-E-A-D Joseph. And then if you go to my Instagram, for it's just Francesca Janssen underscore in my link, uh, or in my link, yes, in my link and in my bio. I'm I'm as you can tell, I don't do this too often. You can go to my Etsy store there and yeah, I try to release things every few. They're handmade. I do it well after the babies go to bed.

SPEAKER_00 44:04

It's like a 10 p.m. You're supporting a twin mom and you're getting something beautiful. Like I Fran, you have just such a beautiful spirit. I can't tell you how much I just love, enjoy you in my life and enjoy talking to you. And I'm so glad to introduce you as one of my dear friends to the rest of the world because I just think the world of you. And I want to ask, what is something that we can all be praying for for you? How can we support you as a community, as a village? Where do you need prayer, friend?

SPEAKER_01 44:34

Yeah, I just just prayer in general for our family, like for what's next. Christian's coming up on his uh end of year with the law school, and then he's the bar, so it's just a lot of unknowns for our future right now. So just the future of the Jansen family would be fantastic and very much appreciated. Absolutely. Oh my gosh, I adore you. How can I pray for you?

SPEAKER_00 44:54

Oh, thanks. Thank you. Um, geez. You know what? Praying for my family would be great as well. We've got some some big things coming up and beautiful. And yeah, so discernment and and guidance would be fabulous. Absolutely. Oh, I love you. I love you like that. This is so cool. You're the best, and I can't wait to be in Chicago and hug your neck again.

SPEAKER_01 45:17

I ready. I was just saying, like this fall for Siobhan's show, we're going. Oh, yeah. 100%. I can't.

SPEAKER_00 45:24

I'll be there. Siobhan in Chicago and us. Let's go. All of our friends. We gotta invite Merylus. Yeah. All the friends at the live of the living room show. We're gonna have like, I should just bring a couch, like an inflatable couch everywhere I go, and we just all get together.

SPEAKER_01 45:41

I would put that in my Jeep. I would I would do it. If you said it, we could do a live recording just outside.

SPEAKER_00 45:49

We should. Maybe we'll do one in Chicago. That's a good idea. We'll let them know. All right, friend. I love you to pieces. Thank you so much for doing this. And thank you for the babies. I love that we got to hear them. Don't ever put them under a bushel basket. They are your light.

SPEAKER_01 46:03

No, thank you so much, Liv. This has been an honor, and it's been so fun to talk with you. Bye, friend.