Episode 15: Faith in the Midst of Chronic Illness

Living with chronic illness can test more than your body — it can test your faith.

What happens when you've prayed for healing, prayed for answers, prayed for the pain to stop... and nothing seems to change? How do you hold onto faith when you're angry, exhausted, confused, or wondering why this is happening to you?

In this deeply personal episode of The Endo Edit, Katie and Ragan open up about how living with endometriosis has impacted their individual relationships with faith. They share the seasons when their struggles brought them closer to God, the seasons when they felt distant or questioned what they believed, and how years of pain, unanswered questions, and uncertainty have ultimately shaped the way they view faith today.

They talk honestly about the complicated emotions that can coexist with chronic illness — gratitude and grief, hope and frustration, belief and doubt — and why struggling with your faith doesn't necessarily mean you've lost it.

This isn't a conversation about having all the answers or telling you what to believe. It's simply an honest look at two personal faith journeys through chronic illness and the lessons they've learned along the way.

Whether your faith has grown stronger through your health journey, you've struggled with it, you've stepped away from it entirely, or you're still figuring out what you believe, we hope you'll feel welcome in this conversation. 

#endometroisis #womendiagnosisstories #endometriosisawareness #womenshealthpodcast #womenshealthstories #womenswellnessstories #endometriosispodcast #endometriosiscommunity #endometriosiswarrior #EndoWarrior #TheEndoEdit #endocommunity #endometriosissupport #faith #christian #christianity #cathlic #catholicism #faithandillness 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

You're listening to The Endo Edit, where real stories about women's health and lived experiences of media healing. I'm Katie Turner, an endo warrior over ten years in the making, believer in clean living, and prove that your diagnosis doesn't define you.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

And I'm Regan Hubbard, a registered nurse, holistic health coach, and fellow endo warrior.

SPEAKER_02 0:19

If you've ever felt dismissed or unseen, you're not alone.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

This is where we talk about what's been silenced. Welcome to the Endoedit. Welcome back to the EndoEdit. Today we are going to dive into a very complicated topic, but one that we feel is very important to talk about, and that is faith in the midst of chronic illness. We are not immune to the fact that endometriosis is very painful and very complicated. But Katie and I both walk with faith that this is part of the bigger plan of God for us. And so we're going to have a deep dive into our testimonies and what that looks like for each of our journeys. To start us off, I'll just kind of walk through just a basic understanding of how my faith has really impacted my journey with endometriosis. And then Katie, we can deep dive into your story as well. Awesome. Let's do it. Okay, so I, for those of you who don't know, I am a Christian and yeah, believe in Jesus and God and have endometriosis. And that is a really complicated relationship. And so, yeah, in prepping for this episode, um, you know, I just want to handle it with care and with a lot of grace and hope that whoever is listening can also give me grace as well, as I'm sure I will, yeah, stumble my way through this. But something that I truly believe and scripture talks a lot as well is, you know, facing the Lord does not mean that we won't suffer here on earth. And so, um, I think endometriosis is a pretty perfect example of suffering. It's something that we don't choose, and very little can be done as of right now to help and to cure endo. So, what does that look like in relationship with the Lord? So, for me at least, through endometriosis, my faith has grown exponentially and is so much stronger. Um, it's something that I think a lot of people can look at as something negative, but I really want to walk through it in a positive light and yeah, and just kind of recognize what a gift it is to kind of be forced and to surrender every day. Um, I think it's really easy to go on autopilot, and kind of before I was walking through this, that tended tended to be my tendency to, yeah, just go on autopilot. I'm a Christian, and then just kind of forgot about it through different seasons. And so with endometriosis, this has been a season of my life for like the past two, two and a half years where I've like fully had to wake up and surrender every day to the Lord because I couldn't get through it without him. Um there's lots of prayer and lots of relying on not my own understanding. And so that's kind of the basis of I'll I'll dive more into it, but I do want to pivot over to Katie and just kind of your story, your understanding, and like the foundation of faith in endometriosis for you.

SPEAKER_02 3:12

Yeah, I think it's super similar. I was born and raised a Catholic. Religion's always been a part of my life, but I feel like as I got older, it was kind of like up to me how involved I wanted to be in my faith. And I think for a little bit, I definitely took a step back, which I'm sure is not uncommon for young children and teenagers and adults to be like, oh, whatever, what is this stuff? Got my, you know, got my uh confirmation, I'm good. So it wasn't until my endo journey that I really started coming back to the Lord and just kind of, you know, at first it was a lot of like, why is this happening to me? Why me? What did I do to deserve this? I think when you're in a time of like darkness and troubles and pain and just not getting any answers, nothing's getting better, everything's getting worse, you're trying to do everything you can. I think you start, at least I did, start to take it kind of personally. I was like, I think I'm a good person, I'm a good friend, I'm a good sister, I'm a good daughter, like I've been close to the Lord my whole life, baptized, all these things. Like, why am I suffering like this? Like, you kind of start to like blame yourself or blame the Lord of like, why are you letting me go through this hard time of no answers? Yeah. Like, why me? And I thought the same thing, you know, like I had grandparents die of cancer, and it's like, why? They were great people. Why did you have to plague that disease on them and take them from us too soon? You know, like I think like a lot of it is like, if he's so good, why does he allow so much evil in this world? But it is like, well, you wouldn't have the good without the bad. Um, and it took me a while to get to a point where it's like, I have to trust that he is putting me through this phase of life for a reason and there's a greater purpose to it. And I mean, if I didn't have endometriosis, we wouldn't be here right now doing a podcast, you know? So I'm like, to me, this is my divine intervention of like I was given this disease 10 years ago and I've had to learn so much on my own over the last 10 years. Wow, now I have this amazing toolkit to like help other women hopefully not go through what I had to go through. So I'm like, hopefully I'm listening and on the right path because that's how I took it. And it was very similar when we were, you know, going through our fertility journey with endometriosis and having a lot of trials and tribulations and struggles and non-answers or bad answers. And just, you know, I think all of the hard times have started bringing me closer to my faith, to the Lord, to my religion, and just being like, it is all up to you, it is in your hands, guide me. Um, I surrender.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

Yep. Yeah, that reminds me of uh I was to a sermon, and the whole point was to like in your faith, just be like, Here am I, here am I. I have nothing left, whatever your will is, that shall be done. And I think there's such beauty in that thing about Job. You know, he was put through the ringer, poor man, and like held firm to his faith. And that's such an example. Um, even like I mean, the best example ever, Jesus, like literally died on the cross. So I think about that often, especially when like I'm going through lots of pain. It's like nothing even compares to the fact that like Jesus died. He felt so much pain and he died on the cross for me, for you, for everyone. I can do this, you know? And and that's where I feel like a lot of the strength comes from is just faith and like yeah, trusting not the Lord's plan as a good, even if we can't see it right now. There is a bigger plan, whatever that looks like. Maybe part of the plan is like we can be examples to others to be encouraged and to still have joy and still live life with a chronic illness. Whereas, you know, kind of like you said, like if we didn't have endometriosis, we wouldn't have started this podcast. We probably wouldn't be as close as we are. And like that in and of itself is such a blessing because we help each other get closer to the Lord, we encourage each other literally weekly, you know. I think it's yeah, it's super weird to say what a blessing, but truly what a blessing that we have endometriosis. As much as we want there to be a cure and we don't want anyone to suffer, and we don't want to suffer. Yeah, I think the other part of this too is the world is just inherently broken and we're promised new life, but not necessarily here, which can be kind of hard and complicated, you know. It's like there's not a promise that our bodies will be fully healed. There is promise that there will be like fruits of the spirit and closeness with the Lord, and that's so much better and bigger than our endometriosis. I think it's, I don't know, I'm really hesitant to say that kind of stuff because I kind of want people to be like, we're never gonna be healed, because ultimately God is a miracle worker and a healer, and he can. He can heal, he can perform miracles like now, currently, but that's where trust and faith come in of like, okay, I'm laying down my life, my endometriosis, and I'm saying, like, here I am. Like he is not doing what I want him to do right now, which is healing it. But I trust that that is for a bigger, better purpose than I could ever have imagined, which is not easy, you know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 8:23

For sure. Cause it's kind of like, I mean, endo is this invisible disease, and God is this invisible spirit, you know, who it's like, I am putting everything in this person that I've never seen or like spoken to face to face. I'm just kind of like, I know you're out there. Like I talk to you every morning, and he responds in his own ways, you know, like it's never like he might come to you in a dream, or maybe it's the sun shining and like warming your face a little bit, or maybe it's a text from a friend who you just needed to hear from, or a beautiful flower growing in your front yard, you know, like there's just signs of him everywhere that aren't like, Hi, this is me speaking to you, you know, like as awesome as that would be. But it is uh send my grandma to me in a dream and tell me everything's gonna be okay, you know, like little things of like just tell me that I'm doing the right thing and I'm going in the right direction, even though it's not easy. Just can you let me know I'm doing something right or turn me around if I'm not, you know? Like just guide me. And it is like a moment of realization that you really just have to surrender. Like, I mean, every morning I wake up and I'm like, I know you already have my whole day mapped out for me. Like, however, it's gonna go is how it's gonna go. And I'm just kind of going through the motions along with whatever you've got in store for me. Yeah, which can can definitely be tricky for people who are like, I need to see and feel and hear, it can be tricky.

SPEAKER_00 9:59

Yeah, it it can be very tricky.

SPEAKER_02 10:01

Yeah, and I also feel like with every woman who gets an endometriosis diagnosis, there is strength in numbers. Like if this was some super rare disease that affected one in a thousand or even more, like it's already severely under-researched and underfunded. Imagine if it was even less common. We might not even have a diagnosis yet at this point, you know? So you do kind of have to be like every woman who gets this diagnosis, as unfortunate as it is, and as like much as it pains our hearts to see it becoming more and more prevalent, it is like as one person closer to fighting this battle with us and like speaking up and advocating and you know, talking about it and spreading awareness. And like so much has changed in the last 10 years, just since I got diagnosed of the resources that are out there and the number of specialists that are out there. So it is like, you know, maybe you don't have endometriosis to start a podcast to help other women, but you do have endometriosis to like ultimately get some answers, you know, for all of the women out there. What causes this? How can we stop it? Like for as common as it is, like, there should be so much more answers and so much more help, so much more than just like, oh, birth control or hysterectomy or try getting pregnant and see if any of that helps. There should just be so many more options and resources and guidance, and it shouldn't take seven plus years to get a diagnosis. Whenever I find some whenever I hear someone else who has endometriosis, it is initially I'm so sorry for you. But then it's like that's one more voice to speak out about. Absolutely. Yeah, I could not agree more.

SPEAKER_00 11:55

I uh remember this book I read, uh kind of going back to the point you made earlier of like the little glimpses like a flower or you know, stuff like that for your faith and like for strength, strength during hard seasons. I read this book, I want to say it was called like the hope of heaven or something like that, remembering heaven, I think. Um, but it talked about how, you know, we're not like, yeah, we're not promised a cure on this on this earth. Like, of course, that's what we're praying for and hoping for and trusting the Lord for. But in spite of that, we are given these glimpses kind of into heaven, what it will be like. An example is birthing your first child and the joy that comes with that, the like overwhelming sense of joy, like that is a glimpse into heaven, or like a conversation with a friend where you feel heard and understood and loved, or a surgery that is effective and takes away your pain in heaven. That's what we get without any intervention. That's just heaven. It's without flaw, without disease, without pain, without suffering. And so I think when at in times where I have felt super helpless in those moments, just reminding myself of that and like the Jeremiah, the Lord's like, I have plans to prosper you and not to harm you. I trust that fully. And so leaning on those sorts of thoughts or scripture can be super helpful in times of just hopelessness.

SPEAKER_02 13:16

And I think that goes along with like any battle that you're facing, it is not the Lord trying to actually hurt you. Yeah. Like he's probably just trying to force you to grow and learn and become like a bigger version of yourself than what you were before that experience or without that experience. Like if I had a super easy endo journey, I mean, I probably also wouldn't be here because I'd be like, oh, I can't relate. Like a little bit of pain, I got diagnosed right away, I had a surgery, it fixed everything, and I'm good, and I've totally forgotten about it. You know, like, no, it was years and years and years of pain and struggling and tests and doctors and specialists and like all of these things. So now I can be like, here's what worked, here's what didn't work, here's what I would do differently. Like I learned so much from that and I grew so much from that, you know. So it's it's like I'm I'm like, thank you for every struggle, every obstacle, every challenge, because it's just forcing me to grow. You know, like you have to be uncomfortable with being uncomfortable. Otherwise, like, what is life without challenge? Even like when you marry your partner, it should be someone who challenges you. It shouldn't be someone who's like they disagree with everything that you agree with and they want to do everything that you want to do. You know, like me and my husband are actually so opposite in a lot of things. But like, I'm such a homebody. He's such a social butterfly. He gets me out of the house, and then I keep him, you know, rooted on Sundays, so Mondays easier, you know? Like everything is a balance, and I think everything in like your jobs, your children, your spouses, your friends, your family, and just day-to-day things, your health, like it's it's a challenge, but it's you need to view it less as like, why are you trying to hurt me and like set me back? But more of like, what am I supposed to learn from this and how am I growing as an individual by going through this right now?

SPEAKER_00 15:11

Yeah, and like how you you can encourage others. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:14

Like there's just always more. There's always a greater lesson, a greater meaning. Like nothing in life is just this easy, simple thing, even if it seems like the most easiest simple thing, you know. Like there's I just think there's always something so much greater to everything, every moment of your life. I mean, what a blessing it is just to be on this planet, like every single morning. I'm like, thank you for waking me up again, you know, like for blessing me with this new day. Even if it's full of challenges and pain and hurt, whatever, like I'm here. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:43

And there was a scripture that I I found. Well, I've I've heard of it, but I just was like, I feel like this is this speaks to this situation very well. It's in Matthew 9, this which also bear with me. I am by no means a preacher or I have not been to seminary. Like, this is all personal like thoughts. So put that what you will. Anyways, Matthew 9, there's a story of the bleeding woman. And you know, I've read this story before. I actually don't know if I've had read it since I had got diagnosed with endo. So it's probably been a couple years, but I re-found the story and it just kind of clicked with me when I was like, huh. He like Jesus gives us someone to relate to. Like this woman that he needs. Yeah, a woman who had been subject to bleeding for 12 years came up behind him, touched the edge of his cloak, and she said to herself, if only I touch his cloak, I will be healed. Jesus turned and saw her take heart, daughter. He said, Your faith has healed you, and the woman was healed at that moment. And so, yeah, in reading the scripture, I was like, Wow, I, you know, endometriosis is a bleeding disease. I was like, Well, sounds like she probably had endometriosis low-key, which is crazy that he that yeah, the story was even put in the Bible, and like that's for a reason. But a couple of the things that I really stood out about that, which I've clinged to in my faith journey with Indo, was the first one he looked at her and called her daughter. He like named her or he called her by like his own. Um, and so I think at least with me for Indo, there's initially there was a lot of like shame and like what's wrong with me, kind of set set apart from normal. Whereas like the scripture is just so encouraging because he kind of brings you back in of like, no, you're mine, like you're my daughter, I love you. And her faith healed her. And you know, that's that this is really complicated. This is something I've like talked to many people in my life about because I don't fully understand and that's okay, but you know, I have asked the Lord to heal my endo, and it just hasn't happened yet, and that kind of just goes back to like there's a bigger and greater purpose, but the scripture is just so encouraging because he can heal, he can, and I think having that hope like constantly is important. He has the ability to, and he's greater than Endometriosis, he is far greater. There's just, yeah, there's just a reason, and I we don't fully understand that right now, but you know, I think part of it is building community, and like I wouldn't have interacted with half of the people I have in my life if I didn't have endo, and maybe part of that is like sharing the gospel. Like I would have never reached these people and been able to say, Hey, I'm a Christian, I believe in Jesus, and this is you know, I walk with joy and faith and trust, and you know, I get to share that with other people. So I think that's a portion of it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:33

Yeah, I think it's really easy to get caught up in your own day-to-day. Like we are totally guilty of just ranting to each other. Like, like it's hard, the doctor appointment didn't go as planned, like you're just in this moment of frustration, and it's like, Reagan, get ready for this 10-minute voice note because I'm fired up right now. And like, I just need to talk to somebody, and vice versa. And it's never like, oh my God, this girl has lost it. She needs to calm down. It is like you need that moment to like be in the moment and feel all of the feelings and let it out. But then I think there's so much peace that comes after that. That is like, but what a blessing it is to be a child of God and know that like he has a plan for me. Yeah. And that it is hard right now, but like he is full of so much goodness and he performs miracles every second of every day. I might not have witnessed one of those miracles yet, but he does do it. I mean, I view my pregnancy as an absolute miracle. Like it came out of nowhere. We didn't think it was gonna happen for a while. My due date is 1111, which is an angel number. Like, all of these things were happening around me. That I was just like, that is such divine intervention. And people will get so frustrated when they're like, What did you do? What were you taking? Like, tell me everything so I can like repeat it and have have have it happen to myself. And me and my husband both are just like, it was God, it was all God. Like, we can't take any credit for this, baby. Like, this is all his doing and like proof of his love and his goodness and his miracles. So, like, I'm such a firm believer that he's out there performing miracles. That didn't come before a moment of struggle and trial and tribulation and challenge and darkness and hardness and tears and crying out, you know, like the bad brought this glorious light. And I'm honestly grateful that I went through all of that because it makes me cherish this pregnancy and this baby even more than if it just like happened, then I'm like, oh, that'll happen again and again and again, you know. It's like, no, we aren't promised anything. No one is promised a child. I mean, look at all of the women in the Bible. Some went like years, they were a hundred years old when they finally got pregnant, you know?

SPEAKER_00 20:55

It's like Hannah, that is such a good story. If you read the Bible, it's actually really sad. And she was like in despair. Like the Bible talks about how she didn't like she felt horrible. And I think that's so relatable with fertility. It's so easy to compare and be like, but this person's having babies. Why am I not having babies? But in scripture it does say she was in despair, but she trusted the Lord. She was in despair and she went to him and prayed and told him. And I think that's just like so relevant today. So relevant. Tell God that you're upset and you're angry and you want a baby and you want to not have endo. Like, tell him all of these things. Nothing is gonna scare God off.

SPEAKER_02 21:35

No, no, yeah. Like we went-like every woman in the book in the Bible who struggled talks to God and it eventually happened, you know. Like, maybe not when they wanted it to happen, but it did happen. Like he fulfilled all of his promises when the time was right for them. Like, you might think you know what's best, and like you want this thing to happen right now, but he's like, Hold on, slow down, you're tired. Time is coming, but you have to go through just a little bit more first to get there. But then when you come out on the other side, you're like all the more grateful. I mean, same with like my second indo surgery. I heard about that specialist from a friend to of a friend who I've never even spoken to before, still have yet to actually speak to this person who had this surgery before me, whose mom told my mom or my friend's mom who told my mom, you know, like just the connection of like, I shouldn't have even known about this surgeon, you know. Like it just my mom was talking about me. I just had my first surgery, it wasn't doing anything. And there just happened to be someone in my family's network that knew of this surgeon who helped their daughter years ago, and she was, you know, now like in her 30s and having kids. And it's like, well, we have to give it a try. Yeah. And I mean, that was another miracle of like my surgery was eight years ago, and I haven't had one since. And doctors will tell you you'll need it every three years, and you'll have to have birth control. And like, I haven't been on birth control, and I haven't needed another surgery. Like, that's not to say that I've been pain-free. Like, I still have bad periods and did pelvic floor therapy. And there was a time where I thought I was gonna need another surgery, but I used my toolkit and I was able to like cancel that. So, like, I just I think that's such also like a miracle and a blessing. Uh like, yes, I did have to go through like five plus years of struggle and losing my hair and dropping out of my cheerleading and gymnastics and not as social with my friends and lost a lot of weight, couldn't eat, like all of this stuff. But I wouldn't change anything to be where I am today. Like, I would go through all of that again to have led me to that surgery that like has made me so grateful to be like, okay, what can I do to continue feeling this good? Because I don't ever want to be back to where I was like at the beginning of my journey, you know.

SPEAKER_00 23:56

So yeah. I gave me goosebumps. I didn't realize it had already been eight years.

SPEAKER_02 24:01

Oh, isn't that crazy?

SPEAKER_00 24:03

Yeah. Which the other thing that is really interesting to me is like Jesus came to this earth and experienced every possible human emotion. Like he experienced it all. And I think that is really encouraging because they like he's not gonna put you through something that he hasn't fully experienced and like redeemed and like come out the other side. I mean, death, the the one thing that we can't change. He did, he rose from the dead. So it's like, yeah, he suffered on the cross. All of his friends like basically abandoned him. His one of his best friends denied him. Like, you know, he went through everything. So I think it's just like encouraging that no matter what you're walking through, Jesus is there with you. Like he's been there and yeah, he understands and he knows, and you're not alone. Uh I mean, you're not alone in general, because you have community here, but um like in the grand scheme of things, like God doesn't forsake you or abandon you. Like he's there in the fire with you. Um, and to to back to your point of like like you are where you are right now, but you went through a really hard season. Every big person in the Bible, every single one of them, like God was like, You're gonna do this, and then they went through some crazy hard trial, like Daniel Leonston, David and Goliath, like you know, a bunch, and then I I can't think of anyone else right now off the top of my head, but there's many, many people in the Bible who God like ordained something for their life, and then they struggled, and then it happened.

SPEAKER_02 25:32

Yeah, and so I feel like, yeah, like and that's I mean, even Jesus, God's only son, who you would think like God would give his only son the most perfect, beautiful life, his life was full of challenges.

SPEAKER_00 25:44

Yeah, he wasn't carpenter's son, he was like bottom of the barrel.

SPEAKER_02 25:47

Right. Constantly challenged and having to prove himself, you know, all these things just to to die the way that he did. Yeah. So that we can live eternally in the gates of heaven, you know. Why do I think I'm immune from challenge, you know?

unknown 26:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:03

That means he actually loves me because he did that to the one person who we should love the most, you know. And I I I saw something. This might, I don't know, be controversial or a little out there, but it was like those who walk closest to God are the most challenged than those who are okay living life in sin and closer to the devil, because a lot of the challenge is the devil like tempting you and trying to like defeat you. And you know, was I went this crazy rabbit hole of this reading of like the closer you get to your greater purpose in life, the more prominent the devil is to try to like distract you and take you away and bring you closer to him and like you know, struggle struggle after struggle after struggle until you're like, you know what? I give up. Maybe this isn't where I'm supposed to be, and now the devil has won. When the Lord was right there, being like, you are so close, you just have to overcome this. Like, how strong are you? How bad do you want it? How much do you believe in me and yourself? And I just like I read that and I was like, oh my gosh, like I never thought of it that way before of like maybe every time I have a setback or struggle, it means that I'm that much closer to where I'm supposed to finally be.

SPEAKER_00 27:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:23

So again, there's such a greater, larger picture to everything. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:28

Yeah. And then when I think back on like my own faith journey, every time I have stepped in faith with whole like in faith, like when I got baptized, I mean, not even that long ago, a few years ago, it's like right after that, something terrible happened, and I had to work through that. And it was like devastating. And then, you know, I think marriage is a great example. Like you get married, and then our first year of marriage, we had so many things happen in our life that were very, very hard. Yeah. So it's just, but I feel like like that's so true, even in my own story. Anytime I have stepped forward in faith, there has been an immense challenge, and it's been hard. But I think like the more you continue to look upward and like trust in the Lord and He is there with you in the fire, you're gonna get through it. You're gonna get through it.

SPEAKER_01 28:17

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 28:17

Endo, some somehow, some way, something's gonna come that is that is good, and I believe that. Like, our God is good and he loves you, even if you don't know him, like he loves you. You are all children of Christ. And yeah, and maybe the whole point of us having endo is to say those exact words on a podcast for anyone and everyone to listen to. You know, it's like if that's the point, then this suffering is worth it. Yeah, absolutely. People not in the faith might not understand, and that is okay, but that's what's true.

SPEAKER_02 28:52

Yes. I don't know how I say that, but so much I don't know that it's easier, but like it's it's easier to come back to peace when you are just like continuously going back to the Lord and being like okay, this is happening for a reason. I know you have a plan. I'm just gonna take a step back.

SPEAKER_00 29:14

Yeah. Well, you think there are two different pieces. Like, I think like the peace on earth, I think worldly peace is like you're free from all suffering, from everything, whatever. And then the peace of the Lord is like in spite of suffering, you are peaceful. Like it's it overcomes the problems and the suffering, but they're like there's very different pieces, and one is like supernatural and will get you through every season of life, and one is very temporal and will fade the minute something is like exponentially hard. Yeah. I think there's a beauty in surrender, and at least in my own faith journey, like after I surrender things, that's usually when things start moving. And I'm not saying that's like the motive, but the motive is like, okay, here I am. Like, I've got no answers, there's no cure. I don't have energy in the day, I don't have any more bandwidth for pain. Like, here I am, God. Like I am broken and hurting, and I've got nothing left, and I surrender everything. My body, my will, my mental health, everything to you. And it's like in the moments where I've done that, the Lord moves. Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:22

He's like, Finally, you were vulnerable with me. Like now I can help you. Which sometimes finally let go. You finally surrendered.

SPEAKER_00 30:31

And we are not in control, because ultimately we're not. We like to trick ourselves and think that we are. But it's like, you know, even right now, like as I'm searching for a I was searching for like a new doctor and new treatment. And it's like once I fully surrendered that it's been months, and I like refused. I was like, nope, nope, nope, I'm gonna research, I'm gonna figure this out myself. And then finally I reached the end of myself and was like, okay, like I've got nothing left. You'll will be done with this. And sure enough, a second surgery has come into my life, and it's like, well, needed to surrender it to you. No day to you know.

SPEAKER_02 31:05

Yep. He's like, stop trying to do everything on your own. I am here, let me work.

SPEAKER_00 31:12

Yep, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:15

Just give away for a second. Just over there for me to be pick you up, put you over here, let me do my thing. All right, now you may enter the scene. Yeah, now it's for you.

SPEAKER_00 31:28

Yeah, I know. We we like laugh and stuff, and it's just I don't know. I'm like, it truly is so crazy. Like, faith and God and like I don't know, all that like it is really crazy and it's like wonderful and beautiful, but it also is so complicated. Like prepping for this episode, I was like low-key stressed because I'm like, the answer is God, and that's all I have. Like, that's it. Like, I don't have an answer for anything besides that, which maybe is the point, but you know, people are listening for tips and tricks and stuff, and I'm like, there are there kind of are none. It's like it's God.

unknown 32:02

Right.

SPEAKER_00 32:02

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 32:03

No, and I'll be so honest, there's probably a few years ago where if I had seen like an episode title about surrendering in faith or like anything to do with that, I probably would have been like, I'm not listening to that. Like, whatever. Like, you're not gonna teach me anything. I'm better off on my own. But then like you go through a hard time, and it kind of I found my way. No, I don't want to say I was forced, like I just naturally found like myself reaching for my Bible every single morning. And like it grounded me and brought me so much peace, just like spending that time with the Lord and spending like I would set like a three-minute timer to just like I would literally lay on the ground and just like take deep breaths and just pray, you know? And like if I couldn't start my morning like that, I would just be all over the place. Like it just grounded me and reminded me that I am not in control here. And like there's just so much peace in that. And I wish I could go back to my younger self years ago and be like, listen to that podcast, like, listen to that episode, read that scripture, read that Bible verse, watch that YouTube video that your friend sent you of like their church sermon, you know. Like, you will actually learn so much from it and you'll feel so much better and so much lighter. Like the moment that you truly just surrender and let it go, like I can physically feel a weight lift it off my shoulders. Yeah. Like I can breathe again, like I might still be in this dark, hard spot, but it's not all on me anymore. Yeah. Like, and there's just so much freedom to that too.

SPEAKER_00 33:36

Yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_02 33:38

So hopefully, whether you listen to this episode because the title gravitated with you, or maybe you listened to it because you were like, I don't know about this, let's just see what they have to say.

SPEAKER_00 33:49

Yeah, please have have grace with us. You know, this is a hard topic, and this is not like an exclusive topic or podcast. Like we love each and every person listening to this podcast wherever you are in your faith, or if you have faith. But if you have questions about faith, please reach out to us. We'd be happy to share more of our like testimony and just words of encouragement as well. But yeah, I hope that each and every person has firmly heard that you are loved by God and He has good plans for you. And you are children of Christ. And so I hope that yeah, I hope this episode brought a lot of hope. And um yeah, this is not an easy topic to cover by any two amateurs. Two amateurs. Which God does use a lot of of unequalified people. So yeah, we're stepping in faith right now.

SPEAKER_01 34:46

Yes, we are.

SPEAKER_00 34:48

Yeah, but uh, thank you for listening. We hope today was super helpful and helpful. And tune in for in the next couple of weeks for our next episode. Thanks for joining us for another conversation on the endoedit.

SPEAKER_02 35:01

If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend, a sister, or anyone who needs to hear they're not alone.

SPEAKER_00 35:08

You can find more resources, stories, and community at theendoedit.com or on Instagram at theendoedit.

SPEAKER_02 35:15

We'll see you next time, and until then, take care of yourself.