Nobody knows Miami

Nobody Knows Joe is the podcast that proves age is just a number.

Hosted by Joseph - a hospitality veteran who’s spent decades in the restaurant and bar scene - this show is equal parts wild stories, unfiltered laughs, and hard-earned wisdom. Joe isn’t your typical 58-year-old. He still goes out. He still parties. And he’s still the life of it.

From behind-the-bar confessions to outrageous life moments, unexpected interviews, and surprisingly sharp advice, Nobody Knows Joe dives into the chaos, comedy, and clarity that only real experience can deliver.

You think you know Joe?
Trust us - you don’t.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Nobody knows Joe, episode 5. So today's a little tale of the weekend I had. It was music week in Miami on March 27th. And I went down with a buddy of mine and had a blast. The sun was shining, so I stay at this cool hotel, the Fountain Blue, and it's like a resort in a resort in Miami, which is great. So started my day on a Thursday, 2 o'clock in the morning, getting ready for the airport, 6 o'clock flight. I get to Miami at 9, get to the pool by 11, and then just relaxing. Then my buddy comes over, we hang out, went for a nice dinner. Then the shit show started with the drinking. At 58 years old, I can party till uh all hours of the night. At 2.30 in the morning on Thursday or Friday, I had to call it a night because I was up for 24 hours. There's only so much my body can take. Went back home, the hotel, relaxed. Next day did the same thing, woke up, stayed by the pool, just watched the bikinis walk by, put my sunglasses on, you know, having fun. Again, as an older gentleman, you look at the older ladies too. They make it equal. And then uh then Friday night came. There was this DJ at Live uh Black Coffee, which was spectacular. So me and my buddy got in, went for a nice dinner, then we went in. Again, we started with the drinking, and we drank uh our asses off. Well, I drank my ass off, and then had a little bit of a helper on different things that I don't do, but I did once. And we uh danced what was it?

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Heroin?

SPEAKER_00 1:58

No, no, I don't do dough. It was it was a weed gummy. Oh the last time I did a weed gummy was I think ten years ago. I had a bottle of Jack Daniels in me. I did a weed gummy, and then I don't even know how I got home that night. When I woke up in the morning, my shoe, one shoe was in the kitchen sink, the other shoe was in the bathroom sink. I don't know, my pants were hanging off I don't know, something. I have no idea. And then when I got up at six in the morning, I called my buddy who was with me that day. I'm like, I'm so sorry, someone drugged me, and I don't know who it was. I think I know who it was. It was another friend of mine, and he starts laughing. He goes, No, it was me. I'm like, oh shit. So yeah. So this is the first time in like 10 years that I did any kind of weed uh gummies. Uh I smoked weed. Uh me and Hayden went to Vancouver and did a whole Victoria.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

Dan Fogler.

SPEAKER_00 2:57

Yeah. Uh we can't say names.

SPEAKER_01 3:00

I don't I don't care about him, dude. I'm saying whatever the fuck I want. That was a horrible experience for me, so I'll put his middle name in it too, if you want.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

Oh yeah, that was that was crazy. The first time I ever like uh smoked through an Apple core was this like crazy. Oh yeah. And then he was telling us all these space stories of aliens and oh yeah, he was tripping.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

Oh, worst day of my life. Anyways, go on.

SPEAKER_00 3:26

So again, it's the first time in 10 years that I did a weed gummy and drinking at the same time. I'm on a health kick. So I don't eat, I do a 16 to 20 hour fast. So I kept that up in Miami. But with all the calories of drinking, and then my vodka water is to be healthy, vodka water is very healthy. I had to move on to something to keep me up all night. And here comes a Red Bull. And the Red Bull went down nicely. I didn't have Red Bull in seven months. I stopped pop, I stopped Red Bull, and I do my three drink maximum with vodka water, but this weekend I said yeah, there is no maximum. It's whatever I want, I do. And yeah, and I was dancing until 6 30 in the morning. Then I went to a lobby to meet a friend. We were gonna go to another place, but didn't show up. So I just went to the room, wired, but went to bed, and then my buddy comes in and he's like, Let's go! I'm like, I'm done, buddy. It's 6 30 in the morning, I'm done. And he's just drinking away, and then I have to like sober up for the daytime, and I keep my routine with not eating, and not you know, only drinking water during the day. Went to another place called Joe's Crab or Joe's Crab something. It was really good dinner.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

The the crab shack? Joe's crab shack?

SPEAKER_00 4:52

Is it Joe's Crab Shack in Miami or Joe's Joe Crab? I think it's called Joe Crab.

SPEAKER_01 4:58

We'll go with that for now.

SPEAKER_00 4:59

Yeah, Joe Crab. Which is really good. The first night we went to uh Prime Steak, which was another place really good. Big portions. Now I know why uh there's hefty people in my in Florida. Those portions are crazy. And it's just the abundance that they give you and and so much of it, it was crazy.

SPEAKER_01 5:23

Is this your first time in Miami?

SPEAKER_00 5:24

No, no, no. I I go to Miami a lot. Last year I went to Music Week also Ultra. I like film festi uh movie festivals, I mean music festivals. And it's a fun place. And I stay at the like I say, I stay at the Fountain Blue. It just it's easy, you know? Everything's there that you need. I think of all the lobby bars I've ever been to in my life, I think uh the Fountain Blue lobby bar is like one of the best. It's uh always packed, always people being kind and talking to you, you're never alone. Someone will say hello to you, you'll have a drink, the staff is great, and when they pour a drink, oh my god, if they ask for a single, they give you like three quarters of a glass of vodka, and then they put the ice in.

SPEAKER_01 6:16

You gotta have like a a tan on your nose that's a straight. Like from down here, it's like it's just straight off.

SPEAKER_00 6:24

Uh yeah, some glasses.

SPEAKER_01 6:25

You're you're also peeling on your forehead.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

I know, I know. I don't I'm not as sunscreen guy a guy. Were you in the sun the whole time? I was in the sun the whole time. Uh all the when I got down to the hotel pool, all the seats were taken, you know. So I had to, you know, give uh a guy fifty bucks to give me an umbrella, you know. I needed one. I needed an umbrella. I I love the umbrellas in the in the hot. Yeah, and then just sobering up. Uh, had a little nap on the beach, then we went to dinner, and then again Saturday night, we went to this other place, we went to eat, and again, I dropped a couple weed gummies, started drinking, and just dancing my ass off and just letting loose, and I haven't let loose since my breakup.

SPEAKER_01 7:15

Yeah, I was gonna say, so did it feel good to let loose or d were you disappointed in yourself? What what was your feelings? Because I know you've been pretty much sober for seven months.

SPEAKER_00 7:23

Yeah, I know it felt great because I wasn't you know, I wasn't hitting on any girls. I wasn't a trying for that at all. I just wanted my space with alcohol and just dance. I just wanted to be on my own. And I'm friendly, you know. You know, people do talk to you and you know, you cut jokes and people are nice. And when you're drunk, you just say thank you to everyone and have fun. It's like there was no there was nothing there to inhibit me by being normal. I didn't want to be normal this week and I just wanted to let loose. And like I said, I haven't let loose in seven months, even before that, because it was uh a crazy relationship, which, you know, she's still a great person, but I don't know. I miss her and I want to be, but I don't think she's for me. I don't know if I'm for her. It is what it is. We move on. But uh yeah. Again, at 58 years old, I'm partying until 6, 7 in the morning. I left my buddy at the we went to 11 after, which is a 24 hour place. I left him there at 7. I'm like, yeah, you know, I gotta catch a plane tonight. So I gotta get some sleep. And we gotta be out of the room by 11. So I need like at least an hour's sleep. So we had I had two hours sleep. I went to bed at seven. I got to the room at seven. I don't remember. I was up by nine. Literally two hours. And then I had two hours to find everything that was mine, put it back, you know, pack it up and get going.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

How was the uh TSA flying back? Was it a nightmare?

SPEAKER_00 9:02

No, everyone's talking about that. TSA, all the power to you guys, you're great. It took me I don't know, ten minutes to pass customs there and here. It wasn't crazy.

SPEAKER_01 9:15

Do you have Nexus or no?

SPEAKER_00 9:17

No. No. No. For reasons that we don't talk about that.

SPEAKER_01 9:20

Okay, I can yeah, I understand. Understood, understood.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

Yeah, there's no Nexus on this uh clock here. No. Um no, everything was great. Yeah, I I flew American Airlines, you know, which was great. They're so accommodating. You know, I again I'm I'm 6'5, so I I can't fly economy anymore, so I gotta fly business. And it's so good to you. Even you know what? It's better I don't know, Air Canada when I fly business class or a pod, they still give you attitude, Air Canada. You know? I've flown British Airways on a on a pod. So comfortable. I've flown Air Canada, it is comfortable. But it's just like, you know, it's not the same. I think Air Canada has to up the game a little. A lot. I think Canada has to up the game a lot. I think Toronto has to up the game a lot, especially in the bar scene. And I know because uh I have friends who own bars and I own bars and yeah, you have to up the game, but it just people I don't think people would like that here. I think it's uh everyone's like to the measure. You know, it's an ounce is an ounce, you know. It's like I don't think they do free pour anymore. I think everyone's afraid of that. And then, you know, you're afraid of the AGCO, you're afraid of the cops, you're afraid of the government, you're afraid of, you know, your patrons, and they're they're selling tables. I went to one place at, I think it was six thirty in the morning. We tried to get into one place called um oh I can't remember what it's called now. We tried to get in at six in the morning, they had one table left. The table was going for $14,000. I hit up a buddy of mine before we started, and he's like, Yeah, I could get a table for $40,000. I turned to my buddy and I'm like, not to be rude or offensive, is like, do I get a harem of girls beside me, like half naked for $40,000? Like, I don't know what you get. You get to walk into a club? I don't know. Even at live, I went in to live. Like, I had a good connection. The guy hooked me up, me and my buddy. He hooked us up nicely. Uh, we paid uh $300 a person. He gave me uh six drink tickets, so each drink is like what 30 bucks. So really you're not paying a lot. Hooked us up very well, and we got to see Black Coffee. First time I saw him, he was great. But tables there were going the a bad table is going for like five or seventy-five hundred dollars for a table. So you get I think one bottle with it. But you know what? People are paying it in Miami, and all the power to them. Toronto's not like that. Toronto's very, very, very quiet in that scene. We're we don't like to blow up anything, we don't like to do anything. We like to just follow and follow. Again, I'm an older gentleman, and I remember in the 80s, Sundays was closed in Toronto. You know, and there's that one guy like, no, I'm gonna sell furs on Sunday. And again, it took him I don't know how many court cases, how many times. But eventually, I don't know when, late 80s, early nine, I don't remember when, but then Sunday shopping became a thing. Because you know what, you're with your family, you want to go grocery shopping, everything's closed on Sunday. You know, we're that kind of society, and we're still like that. We're still, you know, not to say anything bad, but our mayor is a moron, you know? Not to be controversial, not to say anything, you know, wrong about something, but our mayor is a a total moron. Our prime minister is another moron. Our premier tries, you know, but again, he's you know, dropped the ball a couple times. We need uh we need more liberty here. We need more of ways to make money for everyone and to let it loose. You know, I've been at this, I've been partying, I don't know, fifty years of my life. Well I'm fifty-eight, so no, I've been partying uh You started when you were eight? Uh no. I started when I was fourteen, fifteen. I started drinking heavily. My grandfather was an alcoholic, so it wasn't uh literally if you want to talk the truth. I think I started at one. My grandfather used to put his hand in the oozo, his pinky in the uzo, and then throw it over my mouth. And my mom used to yell at him and she's like, he's like, that's my grandson, you can't tell me what to do. And back then, parents didn't talk to their parents like that. So I got I started drinking young. I started drinking at one year old. You know? So yeah, so Miami was great. I flew home last night at eight, got home at one, went to work today. I want to go back. Miami's great, LA's great. I had a great time in LA with Hayden. We uh rocked the world.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

Uh have you been back to LA since? Were you guys gonna open something down there?

SPEAKER_00 14:30

Yeah, we went we went to uh we went to look at spaces down there. And uh, you know, when you start uh dabbling in different things that you know your your friends and partners do, then you miss appointments. So you miss appointments and you miss things, so you just okay, let's F it and let's have fun with it. And yeah, we had fun in in LA. Yeah, but I really want to open something up in Miami. I think that's uh I think that's where money is. You know, Miami's a money place. Toronto could be a big money place, just like New York, but you gotta stop these politicians from destroying our country. I'm sorry. It's just crazy. It's just nuts. You know, and after I travel, I've traveled the world. Uh I want to go to Japan because I heard that's amazing, but I traveled Europe, I traveled Central America, a lot of the states. And you know Toronto's great, I love Toronto. Toronto's uh I I need to come home to take a shower because I find that Toronto water is clean, so when it's hitting your body you're you're very clean. Europe is not the greatest water, I think it's a little oily, so it feels dirty all the time. But yeah, you gotta come home. But when you come home after traveling, you realize how Toronto's so backwards. It's so, so backwards. You know, everyone's hustling and bustling, but no one's having fun doing it. And again, you gotta have fun doing it. You know, this is one show. You're living here one time, you don't get a second round, you know. You get heartbroken, you know, you get illnesses, you get death, you get life, you get everything. We're able to sustain every lot as humans, and the one thing that our cities doesn't allow us to do is sustain the life of having fun. You know, that's a big thing. We need to uh stand up and and try and take our city back and let it loose a little at night, you know, it's it's too too conservative, too, too rules, so many rules. In Miami, tell you I'm an old dude and trust me, there is people there, there's people that go there it's called space in Miami. It's called space, and it's 24 hours, and people go there at six in the morning and they dance. I didn't get in, you know, this time. I'll get in next time. You know, but again, we went at six in the morning and there was a lineup to get in at six in the morning. You know, like would you ever know would you ever think Toronto like that? At six in the morning, people lining up to go to a club to dance.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

The only time Toronto really lets loose is like um South by or North by Northeast when they uh no. But I mean that that's the latest I've I've heard.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

Yeah, it's like not just that, like they'll do like, oh, like what's a cult's coming, oh, World Cup is coming. You know, they're gonna let you start drinking at 11. Like, ooh. It's like, who are you to tell me when I can drink and not drink? Who are you you know, who who's I don't get it.

SPEAKER_01 17:47

It's like you're like that, you're like that tooth guy. Remember him? Which one? The guy that goes, are you gonna let me tell tell you're gonna tell me I can only have two beer a week? Remember that guy? Oh yeah, yeah. But I can have two liters of pop. Two liters of pop or two beer. You do the math, that guy. You're like him.

SPEAKER_00 18:06

I'm not yeah, you know, I just find it crazy. It's like if someone wants to live and dance until seven in the morning, let them. Let them do. They're not hurting anyone, they're not sitting down and and and bothering people, they're just there to dance. And I just find again in LA you can find places like that too. I find LA a little more stuckier because you have all these stupid actors who you know think that their shit don't stink, but it does. But I just find Miami to be different. You know, Fort Laudell is up and coming too, I heard. There's places there that you can party. It's just it's a different lifestyle that you don't grow old in Miami because you have old schmucks like me still doing it, still going out, still hitting the town, still going for dinners, you know, and the places are busy all the time. And it's crazy. You hear the sales of some places. We went to Joe Crab, and the guy was telling me that easily they have twelve hundred people turnaround in a night.

SPEAKER_01 19:14

This is a club or a restaurant?

SPEAKER_00 19:15

It's a restaurant.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

And how many seats is that?

SPEAKER_00 19:18

They have uh 400. Oh, okay. So they do three turnarounds. Okay. So do the math. They're like uh close to fifty, maybe sixty million dollars a year in sales. How does how does Toronto not want that? I don't get it. How do they not want that kind of vibe that restaurants are making that much sale that people are going out and I don't get I really don't get why they don't let you make money in the city, you know? Like I said, we have a more a mayor who's a moron who knows nothing, and she dances like a like a moron, you know? And you know, she's everyone's trying to be politically correct. It's like, no, just let live life, you know, and let people make money. Let people just relax and enjoy themselves.

SPEAKER_01 20:06

Well, don't you think Miami just because of the beach it brings a lot more to it?

SPEAKER_00 20:10

No, because all these clubs are in in the coastal. All these clubs are in the coastal. Yeah, you do have a beach. Okay. We have beaches here, but you know what? On on in the summer, you're still not allowed to party. You know, you're not allowed to party in the summer here. You know, you can't party in the winter, you can't party in the summer, you know. Last call is two o'clock, you know, everyone knows. There's a few restaurants that are open after two o'clock, so you just go home. You know? And it's just crazy. There, again, you go from one club to another. It's like, it's just printing money in these places, which you know, there's and that's one restaurant. I I was with my buddy and he was telling me about all these other ones. You know, these these restaurants are making forty, fifty million dollars a year. That's a restaurant making forty, fifty million dollars a year, you know? And when you do like two, three million dollars here, you know, like everyone's on you. The like the government wants to shut you down. It's like, oh, you're doing too well. We're gonna start restricting you of doing things. It's like ridiculous. This is pure ridiculous.

SPEAKER_01 21:13

So here if you if you hit those as a restaurant in Toronto, if you hit two or three million bucks, the like the CRA or the government are taxing you differently?

SPEAKER_00 21:22

No, not taxing you differently. It just you know what? It gets harder, you know. Then the permits, you know, like now you have to apply to this, and then you have noise complaints, you know, and then you know, then you have you know, they have you get people coming, oh, you know, it's too loud, you know. Like you live in a you live in a downtown Toronto.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

Well, the pr uh the big problem is they've built so many condos around that area, right?

SPEAKER_00 21:44

Yeah, but there's all these all these condos are around these places too. Yeah. You know, there's all these all these condos. Miami and Toronto are no different logistically, how the residential and and commercial reside. Here The main street here is Osington. And the problem with Osington is a cool street. But all these schmucks in the who own the house is like, Oh, we don't want to hear noise after eleven o'clock. It's like, you know, shut your patio down. It's like, you know what? Take the fucking car, drive north and live in the north end of Toronto where there's no, you know, go live in Thornhill. Like, you want to live downtown. It's noise. Let it who cares? You know, who cares about noise? It's like it's just part of life. Yeah, let people have fun. Not just let people have fun. Let people make money. Let people enjoy Toronto. Because Toronto could be the greatest city in the world. But again, our politicians don't allow it. You know? No one allows it. It's like the let the small guy who owns a house that his parents bought in 1915 and they're still in that same house. And then like, oh, no, there's a new restaurant there and they have a patio. No, there's too much noise. You know what I'm talking about. You know? You know what I'm talking about. You have a place and you know the the bullshit that you go through with the noise complaints for no reason. It's like ridiculous, you know? And in Miami, I'm telling you, that was my experience in Miami, and that's not the first time. I went there before, and it's always a party. You know, everyone who's been there knows how to party in Miami. Lots of money, lots of women, lots of booze, lots of drugs, lots of everything. But it's you know what it is? It's lots of fun. You know? And it's up to you to decide what you want to do. You know, you don't have to do anything. You can go for a dinner and then go home. It's not you're not forced to do anything. We're just you're just there to do whatever you want. That's what I did. You know, I need a I needed a weekend. And I took the weekend and I danced and just let it loose. Just vibed with myself, which I needed. You know. Again, the X popped into your head once or twice, you know what I mean? Just because, you know, you wish yeah it uh it didn't end like it did, but and you wish that she was around, but she's not. So I gotta find a new one. And you know what? It's a lot easier to be on your own for a bit and just let loose on your own with your buddies and just go dancing and just go crazy. You don't have to hurt anyone, you don't have to like, you know, pick up lines, you don't need any of that because everything does come to you in time, you know? In time everything does come to you. If you're a good person, which I know I'm a great person, it's uh everything will come in due time, and that's how it goes. And again, that's how Miami was. Miami was great, dude. You know, we're talking to people uh by the pool. Again, friendly people, because you're nice, people talk to you. You know, and it just uh it's it's good vibes, and you know what? Life is so so short, people. There's only one thing in life that's guaranteed, and it's not it's not taxes. Who cares about taxes? Is death. We're all gonna get there one day. And when you're sitting there in your old age home saying, Oh, you know, I I didn't do this, I didn't do that, it's like you won't have time. You know? I make some money, which I'm very thankful for, but I told my kids. I said, if there's anything left over, you guys can have it. But until then, I'm not stopping to live. I'm not. If you wanna you want to join join me, you guys are more than welcome. You know, like you guys can join the party with me. And my kids understand that. And I grew up in a society that everyone works to give to their kids, and they sacrifice themselves. And why are you sacrificing yourself? Life is too short. Your kids are gonna be great no matter what, you know, you gotta teach them life because if you don't, and then when something happens to you, they'll mourn, and then they'll stick in that mourning state for a long time and won't get over it, and now they just wasted ten years of their life. And you can't do that. Like every every minute is precious. We're sitting here doing a podcast, I had two guys beside me living life. There's millions of people in hospitals that don't do shit, you know, and they wish. And we sit around and and and complain. And I that's not that's not what I want to do. That's why I took this Miami trip. I was gonna go alone. You know, it was starting with four of us, it ended up with two of us. And my buddy's still down there, he went down to rest because he's going through shit too. I'm like, I'm going down, I'm staying at the Fountain Blue. You're welcome to stay in the room with me, I don't care. You know. And yeah, I just let it loose, and it was like the greatest thing in the world that you have to do that. You have to let it loose, and you have to forgive yourself for anything you've done, and you gotta live life. And then if you live it the right way, twofold it comes back to you. It comes back to you in twofold. You just gotta do it in a good way, you gotta be nice to people. You know? It doesn't matter if you make a dollar or you make a billion dollars, everyone's the same. You cut me, I bleed red. You know what I mean? And it's just it just have to know that at fifty-eight I still party like a twenty-year-old. And I hope at sixty eight I'm partying like a thirty-year-old. I hope at seventy-eight I'm partying like a forty-year-old. You know? That's how it goes for me now. It just cause I don't know. It could be tomorrow my last day on this planet, or it could be in five years, or it could be in ten. We don't know. But I do know I want to open something in Miami, and I wanna yeah, it's Miami's a great place, and I partied well there, and we really had a good time, and I want to thank uh my buddy. I want to thank everyone out there. You know, I told a few people about the podcast, they started to follow me in Miami, which was great. And yeah, I hope I get more followers, and I hope you guys call in and or whatever we do. I have no clue yet. Oh, I have to do one thing. I have to say the first episode I was very nervous, but I have three kids, not two. Okay, I have three kids. And someone told me, Oh, your ex is gonna come on the podcast. I don't know if she's gonna come on the podcast. That's another one. I was nervous, it was my first one. I'm getting better at them. I'll get better more and more and more. And let's call this show a wrap, and then we move on to the next one. Thank you for listening. Nobody knows Joe. You're getting to know me. And I am 58 and I still party hardy. So if you see me on the street, maybe we'll have a drink together. Alright, guys. Thanks for the night. Bye.