What divorce stress does to your body, and how food (even potatoes!) can help

Carolyn speaks with clinical nutritionist Susie Allen about what divorce and chronic stress actually do to your body – and what you can do about it. Susie draws on her own experience of two divorces and her clinical work to explain how the nervous system responds to prolonged pressure, why so many women find themselves wired but exhausted, and how simple nutritional choices can help break that cycle.

We talk about adrenaline and fight-or-flight, the gut-brain axis, protein at breakfast, resistant starch (and how potatoes can actually be your friend OMG), sleep disruption, alcohol, and quick meals for when you're running on empty.

Key takeaways

• Running on adrenaline depletes magnesium, B vitamins, and the building blocks for key neurotransmitters
• Protein at breakfast – within 30 to 60 minutes of waking, before coffee – sends a safety signal to your nervous system
• Cooking potatoes, rice, and pasta the day before and refrigerating overnight converts them to resistant starch – better for your gut and absorbed differently
• Late-night sugar and alcohol spike cortisol, disrupting sleep and contributing to the 3am wake-up (booooo!)
• Morning sunlight triggers the melatonin cycle and supports better evening sleep

Guest

Susie Allen — Nutritionist, Your Vitality Nutrition

• Website: www.yourvitalitynutrition.com.au
• Instagram & Facebook: @yourvitalitynutrition
• Ebook: Suddenly Single: https://yourvitalitynutrition.thrivecart.com/suddenly-single-ebook/

Resources mentioned

• Susie's ebook: Suddenly Single – https://yourvitalitynutrition.thrivecart.com/suddenly-single-ebook/ (or FREE inside the Women's Divorce Academy membership – www.womensdivorceacademy.com/our-program)
• Wholesomeness (Queensland, Northern NSW, Sydney, Melbourne) – wholesomeness.com.au
• Youfoodz – https://www.youfoodz.com/

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Did you know that chronic stress literally depletes your body of the nutrients it needs to cope? Which is exactly what we need right now, right? But today I'm talking to nutritionist Susie Allen about what's actually happening in your body when you're in that divorce and separation stress and the simple things you can do to feel more human, including, and I cannot stress this enough, permission to eat potatoes. Let's do this. I'm Carolyn Tate, founder of Women's Divorce Academy, and your guide to turning your divorce into the best thing that ever happened to you. This is Divorce with Carolyn. Susie, thanks for joining us. Now you're a nutritionist, but you have also been divorced a little bit. Can you tell us when you think back to your divorces and you know what was happening in your body that you looked with the knowledge that you have now? What do you wish you knew then?

SPEAKER_03 0:52

Yeah, well, there were two divorces, so I racked them up. But um, yeah, I mean, the first one back in my 20s was um I really didn't have a clue about health and nutrition, didn't um I wasn't able to interpret what was happening in my body as well as I can now. So it was all just noise. It was having to push through. So the two divorces were very different. The first one was with a very controlling person who needed to control everything from finances to what went on in the house, what purchases happened in the house, all of this kind of thing. Um, so you know, for me with my body at the time, I had to find a very deep reserve to push through and not lose myself or not lose control of a situation with a very controlling person. So it took everything I had to get through about a year of that situation. But then also, as we know, with divorce, it's not just about or and a breakup, it's not just about when it happens. We've got, what is it, like five years or so normally on the lead up where you're trying to make things work, you're hoping, you know, nobody wants to end up in this situation. So for me, that whole time was just a nervous system roller coaster of constantly trying to survive.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

It's an interesting point you bring up because I think a lot of people just think it starts at separation, but of course it's been going on for a lot longer than that, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:35

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. When you're just trying to push through and yeah, yeah, make it through each day and and finding hopefully new ways to make it work, you know, even though in hindsight you go, why did I ever bother? Because it was shit. Um and then, you know, it hits. And then you have to find different reserves. So constantly this nervous system is on edge. And for me back then, I wasn't nutritionally nourished. Uh I just wasn't. I afterwards totally rebuild because I had used up everything that uh I had inside of me.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

Yeah, and how how does that manifest? I mean, when you're talking about using up everything, like what does that look like from the outside?

SPEAKER_03 3:19

Um, it probably looked like I was perfectly fine. Um of course. Yeah, yeah. Um, it probably um, you know, I was very heavily masking as well, even though I didn't even know what masking was at the time, didn't know I had ADHD either. But it it would have looked like a diminishing, and I did have this feedback from some people around me, a diminishing of self, a diminishing of my voice, of prioritizing me and my health, because everything went into getting through day to day and you know, trying to make trying to keep peace.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

As women, I think we take that on as our role, right? We try to keep the peace, we try to not poke the bear, we try to make things as easy as possible to our detriment. Sorry, can we just circle back? Oh, I just said circle back, that's terrible. Um, to masking, because in case somebody who's listening maybe doesn't understand what masking is, can you explain that, please?

SPEAKER_03 4:19

Yeah, so masking for um a lot of neurodivergent people is where we effectively, you know, hide who we are, our natural tendencies, some of those spicy tendencies, as we might call them, like neurospicy, so we can fit into a kind of quote unquote normal society, one where, you know, we have to sit down, we have to wash our mouths, we have to behave as society expects us to behave, and it's and it's exhausting. Um, you know, and that can be turning up to work, it can be turning up to school. Um, it's just that in itself, um, hiding, and and even whether we're doing it consciously or not, um, we we do that. But also that's a female thing as well, because that's on top of that, because it's around how do we fit into society, you know, don't make yourself too big because um, you know, you're going to stand out too much, you're going to make people uncomfortable. Um, you know, and certainly, you know, back when when we were growing up, you know, our generation, it was, you know, just don't take too much up too much space in the world.

SPEAKER_00 5:24

Yeah. And I think whether you're a neurodivergent or not, going through divorce is a time that you do try to keep everything as normal as possible. And especially if you've got young children as well, and you're keeping things ticking along. You're going to work, you're doing your work uh, you know, the same standard that you would normally have. You're trying to keep things the same for the children. Everything, you're like a duck, right, with the legs going, and you're you feel like you're it's your job to keep everything looking the same. That's exhausting.

SPEAKER_03 5:51

And I remember even with my first one, it was weeks after we'd even separated before anybody in work knew. And I felt I was quite close to those people, but I I felt that I just had to keep that that guard up. Maybe because I thought if I actually tell those people I'm just going to turn into a puddle.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

I think that's it's so common. A lot of people do that. And we don't want to reach out for help and we don't want to make other people uncomfortable, and we we just want to get on with it. So I know you talk a lot about women at this stage running on adrenaline. Can you talk a little bit about that? How does that show up and also what can we do about that?

SPEAKER_03 6:27

Yeah. Um so I mean, some of it is necessary, and it's okay for our body to have a little bit of stress. It's when that stress becomes chronic that that's when we start to see illness, we start to see um gut issues, recurrent, you know, it could even be cold sores if somebody's got that virus in their body. It could be um putting on a lot of weight, it could be losing a lot of weight. Uh, you know, it it can look like all kinds of things. It can um look like hormonal chaos as well, because um, you know, when our bodies are in this fight or flight type of situation, that's not the environment in which our body wants to procreate.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

It's not that any of us want to procreate right now. Oh god, no. I'm done. I think when you're going through divorce, probably procreation is like the last thing on your mind.

SPEAKER_03 7:27

100%. Yeah. And your body is going to protect you from that. No, but and that that is the thing that it's an ongoing theme with me and my patients is our bodies want to keep us safe. So one of the ways it keeps us safe is by having that high stress as well, because it means we can react very quickly when something happens. But then, you know, we end up that wired and tied, tired person. We're just so beyond exhausted that we can't actually give what we need to our children, even though we feel like that's all we're doing. We get to bed and the anxiety kicks in when you've been running on adrenaline all day, and all of a sudden the quietness hits and it comes over you, and then the thoughts come in. So you end up with this cascade and this, I suppose, cyclical thing where you're running on adrenaline and then you're not sleeping properly, and then your executive functioning diminishes because you're overtired and you can't make healthful decisions for you, or those decisions are just not a priority for you right now because everything else is a priority, and one more thing, even if that's making a healthful choice for yourself, is just one thing too many. Yeah. So I see a lot of women who, as well, are just they have given everything to everybody else and to this situation. And I call my clinic room the confessional because people come in and it's that final release when the adrenaline has just been running on so high for so long, and then it falls off, and they just they cry and they release and and they're seen and they're heard, and it's it's so difficult for women, I think often, especially if they don't have a community, whether that's friends, family, something like Women's Divorce Academy, it's so difficult often to admit that you're going through something, admit that you're not feeling great.

SPEAKER_00 9:44

A lot of the time we're scared that if we just if we admit that we just drop everything and we don't know if we'll recover. So it's you know, a lot of women tend to just keep it as close as they can and keep it running as well as they can because we don't know what will happen if we let it go. And I wish that I had had to reach out to.

SPEAKER_03 10:01

I mean, oh no, I did have people to reach out to. I wish I'd felt like I could reach out to them.

SPEAKER_00 10:06

Yeah. It's a it's a really vulnerable thing and it's and it's scary, but also so necessary, I think, for the healing process. But so, and coming at this from a nutritionist's point of view, someone might be listening to this and going, yeah, I get it, like the adrenaline and the and the fear and the, you know, I can't sleep and my nervous system is fried. What's food got to do with it?

SPEAKER_03 10:25

Food is everything from feeling of safety, and I'll always come back to this, to this safety, um, feeling of safety to actually feeding the neurotransmitters like dopamine uh that you know give us a sense of um reward that you know can help with that motivation. Serotonin, which is our happy hormone, they all need building blocks, they don't just appear out of nowhere. So which is such a bummer. I know. Unless you're medicated, then you know, they do um with a glass of water. But other than that, we need to actually create these things. We need to uh create our hormones. So a lot of the people going, a lot of the ladies going through this will be going through perimenopause as well. And it's you know column A, column B, but of both, what's what's happening to me. Um, but we need proper nutrition to create our hormones, we need proper nutrition for our bodies to be able to use those hormones and then get rid of them to be able to use energy appropriately. So many things for us to be able to function properly. It's it's so important. But then there's that side, that safety side as well. So by being very strategic about how we're eating and what we're eating, we can make sure that our bodies know that it's it's safe to be here because our world is not necessarily feeling really safe right now.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

I love that you keep coming back to that safety thing because I think that feeling safe is so important and we don't. We feel like, you know, there's so many dangers out there, and um, you know, our fight or flight is is running on high all the time. As you say, like our nervous system is fried. And so when it comes to when we're talking about nutrition for this time of your life specifically, we all learnt the food pyramid at school, which I don't think anyone has yeah, we can throw that in the bin. And then, you know, there's so many different schools of thought on how we should eat. There's, you know, fasting and there's paleo and there's vegan and there's this and there's that. Like when it comes to what's really important here for nourishing ourselves and bringing that feeling of safety and calming our nervous system, what do we need to be doing?

SPEAKER_03 12:44

So, first of all, nothing stressful. Uh so um I would say no really long fasts, nothing that is going to cause extra stress on our body because our bodies don't recognize when um it doesn't differentiate between one type of stress and another. So the stress from the the shitty ex, the stress from our environment, the stress from putting, you know, excess um in a really hardcore exercise or you know, really restrictive diets, that kind of thing. It's all just stress. So it's just by doing that, say a very restrictive diet like, you know, 24-hour fast or that kind of thing, they have huge benefits from a s on a cellular level for somebody who is in a cellular condition to be able to take that. Right. So it's getting that balance. So so the main cores for me are are protein. And I know everybody, our age, our feeds are full of just protein, protein, protein, but it really is a thing. It's the building blocks for everything. Protein is massive, and in the morning as well. The amount of people I say to that toast and vegemite just that's not breakfast, you know, that just it doesn't cut it. Um, we need something for well, well, first of all, basic premise, fed is better than not fed. So if it has to be toast and vegemite, then at least it's something. But that's gonna have a knock-on effect to hunger and energy throughout the day. Ideally, some protein in the morning. That can be as simple as a couple of baby bell with some yogurt outside, or you know, an apple, a banana. It doesn't have to be anything complicated or gourmet or anything like that. So, what that does by having breakfast, ideally within 30 to 60 minutes of waking, is it sends a signal to our body to go, oh yeah, I'm safe. I don't need to now wait hours when I'm already in a stressed state to get food. Because, you know, think about our biology hasn't evolved that much from when we were in caves.

SPEAKER_00 14:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:59

Our bodies work on rhythm. So even more so than the actual type of food that's going in, if we can have a rhythm and our microbiome in our gut, which is innately linked to how we respond energetically and our um mental health as well, if that has some kind of rhythm, so it's much and it knows that food is coming, eat it's much more likely to be healthy, and therefore our mental health, our energy, our resilience, all of that is so breakfast, um ideally with protein is first thing. Um, and before coffee. So, and I'm not a no-coffee person, I love coffee, but get some food in your belly before you have coffee because what coffee can do is cause a little bit of an extra, you know, it gives us a pip, you know, so it's doing something to increase our heart rate, um, our energy, all of that kind of thing. So if we're already up here and we add coffee on top of that, yeah, um, it's just gonna take us up here. We want everything to be calm. That's where resilience comes from. So that's breakfast, ideally protein, and before coffee is the first thing I would say. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

Gotcha. And then as we go through the day, are you uh, you know, a snacker? Uh, you know, does snacking help or are you a three square meals a day? What's the what's the best way?

SPEAKER_03 16:23

It depends, everything depends on the person. So ideally, what we want is our bodies to have a chance to rest and digest. So we get that overnight, but really we want to be having that between meals as well, if we can. So ideally, having a break, four to five hours between meals. Um, but that said, it's safety first. If somebody is getting completely hangry, getting low blood sugar, anything like that, then never force yourself to do that.

SPEAKER_02 16:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:56

If you are feeling those things, then there's something underlying that's causing you to not be um able to rely on the energy that's in your body. So that's it, so that's another issue. So ideally give a break, but also listen to your body and again not put in extra stress on your body. If you are going to have a snack, um have it with it might be, say, some nuts and an apple or something like that. Again, having that protein. So, what protein does by having it regularly throughout the day is it helps us to modulate and control our energy curve. So, what we don't want is, you know, say a high sugar breakfast when our energy spikes, because everything that goes up must come down.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:41

And the further it goes up by just having something like high carbs or high sugar, it goes up and it comes straight back down. And that's when we often see people, you know, two o'clock in the afternoon having that dip where they're knackered, they need some coffee, they need chocolate, they need whatever it is to get them through.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:58

So when that happens, then I'm kind of going, well, what did you eat two, three meals ago? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

And so apart from protein, what what else should we be aware of here that we need to be having to help us feel good?

SPEAKER_03 18:10

So 100%. So protein fiber is another one. So fiber helps everything to move through. So we want everything. I have poo conversations in my clinic every day. Um I love poo conversations. Um maybe we'll have you back for that one next. Yeah. Show you my pictures. Um, but yeah, fiber is hugely important um on so many levels in terms of that evacuation, which we need to make sure that we're going for a pool once a day and that, you know, it's smooth. You know, it is really so important. But also fiber in terms of um feeding our gut bacteria as well. So again, that link between, you know, our that gut brain axis as well, so making sure that is nourished. Also, you know, even certain fibers as well will bind to toxins or they will bind to excess cholesterol. You know, there are myriad reasons why we need fiber. And then we also, the old adage like eat the rainbow really is a thing. Um, so we want to be getting things like uh, you know, all of the basically healthy chemical compounds that we get from um vegetables, plus the fiber that we get there and the fruit as well. So as many as possible throughout the day. So I often say to people, you know, 30 uh 30 different fruit or veg in the week. Now that sounds huge. I know it does, but actually spices count, herbs count. So, you know, even just shaking yours kind of spice mix on top, you might get two or three.

SPEAKER_00 19:51

Um that's an interesting one. And it's it's a conversation I actually have with my kids that I try to get them to have 30 30 different foods in a week as well. Yeah. And I've always wondered about the spices and stuff. If you're having a tiny shake of something over your do that that still counts?

SPEAKER_03 20:04

It does. It does. It's not obviously going to be as potent as having a giant amount, but it absolutely does count. And it's about getting that variety.

SPEAKER_00 20:14

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 20:15

Yeah. And adding flavour and things like seeds and nuts, they're plant foods.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:19

As as opposed to just fruit and vegetables.

SPEAKER_00 20:28

Hi, I'm interrupting this very excellent episode with a quick request. If you're enjoying this, please hit subscribe and leave us a review after we're done. I know everyone asks that, but reviews actually really help other women to find us, and we are on a mission to end divorce disadvantage for women. So every single one counts. And if you've got a friend going through a hard time right now, please send her this way too. She might thank you for it. Right now, where were we? And let's talk about comfort food because uh especially when you're going through something hard, we all love comfort food. For me, it's all about the uh the potato uh in all its forms. But are there some comfort foods that you could maybe recommend that are that still we don't have to be saints here? Let's have a good time.

SPEAKER_03 21:18

But also food is an emotional thing for me when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm, you know, every emotion.

SPEAKER_00 21:25

Um so what are some what maybe some tweaks we can make to comfort food, or what are some comfort foods that are actually also helpful?

SPEAKER_03 21:31

Yeah, well, let's start potatoes, because that's my love language too. Well, you are Irish, yeah. Yeah, I know. I have a whole cookbook on potatoes. So uh a thing that we can do, say, with potatoes, and as well, it's a hack for busy people, is to cook them the day before. Um, same with rice and pasta, which again are those comfort foods, they're those stodgy, just warm and nourishing. Cook them the day before, put them in the fridge overnight, and then use them. So, you know, whether you're making smashed potatoes that I know you like. I do. You know, it's my specialty. Yeah. So they will dry out even more overnight. But what happens basically with starches like that? So they're carbs, so they're starchy carbs. So there's potatoes, rice, and pasta, is the chemical composition of them actually changes overnight and they become what's known as resistant starch. So that does a couple of things. So it changes into it basically resistant means it's being resistant to digestion by us. So less of that turns into calories for us. But it's actually then hugely beneficial because that type of starch is exactly what our gut microbiome wants to eat.

SPEAKER_00 22:48

That's magical. So potatoes can heal us.

SPEAKER_03 22:51

It is magic food.

SPEAKER_00 22:53

So does that mean the GI of the potatoes goes down?

SPEAKER_03 22:56

Yeah. So we lose about, I think it's about 40% of the calories of the potato just by cooling it overnight. Good Lord.

SPEAKER_00 23:04

Well it's about 40%. Oh my gosh. I feel like you've just given me permission to eat potatoes three times a day.

SPEAKER_03 23:11

Considering it's your permission.

SPEAKER_00 23:13

And would you also then recommend having some protein with it as well?

SPEAKER_03 23:17

Yes. Yeah. Again, because what we want to do is keep everything even. We want. Yeah. And that's going to help your resilience, it's going to help your nervous system, everything. So a bit of sour cream on top is actually cheese or sour cream on top. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:35

Right. Oh my gosh. See, and this is not when you talk to a nutritionist, you expect, you know, eat more salad. So this is delightful. This is a very helpful conversation. I know we need to eat more salad too, but you know, we all we already know that. Comfort food-wise, anything else? What if if you have a sweet tooth, for instance? What's something there that you could do?

SPEAKER_03 23:53

Now, this is gonna be a real nutritionist thing, but you know, avocado mousse. Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_00 23:57

I do love an avocado mousse too, which I know infuriates my family.

SPEAKER_03 24:01

I know, yeah. Anybody who's not into food just thinks it's the weirdest thing in the world, but things like that we we can do. If you're um, for example, a protein shake or a protein drink that you could have at night so that there's some better quality chocolate proteins out there, for example, that you can have as a drink. If you want a hit, things like dark chocolate is always good. But if you're going to have something sugary, and sometimes you just want the cake. Sure. So eat the cake. Because the way I look at food is it's also for the soul. So if we want that, then sometimes have it. But it's when it starts that that type of thing starts coming in every day, like the big cakes and the you know, the pastries and that kind of thing. That's when we start to see, you know, just an accumulation of weight because God, we are so much more than the number on the scales. But you know, that can impact a person's how they feel about themselves and their self-esteem.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:05

But also it does have it just makes us feel crap you know when it accumulates over time because we find we get those energy crashes a bit more, you know. But be strategic again. If you're going to a party, for example, um, and there's a buffet, go in and hoe into the cheese first. Give your body a chance to be ready for the birthday cake that's coming.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

And I like that too. I like that idea that rather than depriving yourself of things, you just make sure that you have the things you need first, and then you can have the other stuff. That's a much that's such it feels like such a more uh comforting and pleasant way to look at it.

SPEAKER_03 25:47

This transition phase, becoming suddenly single, is there's a lot about trying to regain control. Yeah. So that can go too far in some ways, but it's also about knowing you can because you are the master of your own destiny, and part of that destiny is what you put on your plate every day. And it could well be that for some women, you know, they had exes who judged them over that. So it's never going to be a one-size fits-all. It might be actually super important for somebody to be able to sit down and get a slice of cake and just enjoy it and feel like they can do that judgment-free. So food works on so many different levels. You know, yes, it's a cellular thing, but it's a soul thing too. Sounds very woo-woo.

SPEAKER_00 26:44

But no, I love that. I think it's really wonderful to have that balance. Now, we can't talk about nutrition, of course, without talking about alcohol, because obviously when you're going through a time in your life that's really tough, it's very tempting. You've had a tough work day, you're at home, you're making dinner. It's so easy to reach for the wine and just it's that instant relaxation, and just I can just tune out. Can we talk about is it okay? When is it not okay? What are your thoughts about that?

SPEAKER_03 27:13

Again, it's one of those things that can go too far. From a chemical perspective and a biological perspective, there is no, you know, alcohol is not safe for us. But I know it's a reality for a lot of women. Also, we've been sold a lie, you know, by when you start looking at where all of this I deserve alcohol. You know, I deserve this thing when I come home. There's there's the whole political and capitalist wiring and um of our brains that's happened over the last centuries, you know, that that aside.

SPEAKER_00 27:49

I take your point. It is, it it's definitely it's such a societal thing, definitely. And it's hard to it's hard to resist that, especially at a time like this.

SPEAKER_03 27:57

Yeah, it really is. Um, you know, and as you say, it it can be kind of almost like a crutch to help us to to switch off. Um it it really can. So um, you know, all I would say is, you know, try again, it it's it's sugar, you know, apart from the fact that it's alcohol, it's sugar as well. So, you know, try to eat something with it at least. You know, if you are struggling with boundaries around alcohol, try to limit perhaps what you've got in the house, um, and uh kind of sit with it a little bit around why you're feeling the need for this, and is there is there something else that could replace that? And just be mindful that um drinking alcohol, it does uh it it reduces the quality of our sleep. So when we look at the foundations from a holistic perspective for for health, um, one of those is a good quality sleep. So even though you might conk out and you feel like you need alcohol to conk out, it's not actually a good quality of sleep, which then has a knock-on effect the next day and the next week to how we can actually cope on a day-to-day basis. So it's a very long-winded way of saying it's not awesome, it's not a great coping mechanism. But if that is your way of doing things for now, just be mindful of that. Also, when from about the age of 40, 45, the uh chemicals in our body, the enzymes that actually are required to break alcohol down, um, start to diminish as well. So, you know, you find a lot of women in their kind of 40s and 50s going, God, I used to be able to drink all the time, and now I'm on my arse, like when I have one glass.

SPEAKER_00 29:51

I am one of those women.

SPEAKER_03 29:52

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's and that there is a biochemical reason for that happening. So if we're trying to force ourselves to to to drink alcohol because we think it's what's going to fix things, or at least quiet the noise for a little bit, um, then yeah, we're forcing our body to do something that it's naturally declining in its ability to do as well.

SPEAKER_00 30:21

It's it's a an important distinction, I suppose, you point out there, is that we're we're not actually dealing with the core the core problem, right? We're just we're m we might be quieting it temporarily, but it's still there tomorrow. And also then we're sleep deprived and we're not coping with it as well as we could have if we hadn't. Um and speaking of that, I did want to talk a little bit about sleep because sleep is something that goes out the window as well. So obviously, alcohol is one thing that doesn't help. I used to, when I was going through my divorce, I would wake up at 3 a.m. almost on the dot. Like cortisol o'clock. Um, and just be like awake with all of the things. And I don't think at the time it would have occurred to me that there were things that I could do nutritionally to help this out. Because I just thought, my life is on fire, of course I'm thinking about all of these things. But uh, from a nutritional perspective, like what can we do? And why do we wake up at three o'clock? Um, or or around that area, and yeah, what can we do about it?

SPEAKER_03 31:16

So, like I was saying earlier about our body works on rhythms. So, one of the rhythms that we have is our cortisol. So, like we have circadian rhythm where we've got our melatonin that goes up and down, should do at the right times to help us sleep, cortisol is the same. If we've got excess cortisol in our body, when it's naturally rising at that three o'clock, if we're already up at this level, it's just that rise is enough to wake us into a start effectively. And that's when the mind starts going. So there are a few things that we can do nutritionally, protein, sorry.

SPEAKER_00 31:55

It's like you've got shares in the protein industry. You're like, I know, right? You're tied to big protein.

SPEAKER_03 31:59

I need I need to like trademark it or something. Um so that really is a thing. But also when we see things like um excess sugar at night, this should be our time for resting and digesting, like I was saying earlier. Uh if we have excess sugar, that causes, and that could be alcohol or food or that couple of slices of toast uh that you're having at kind of 10 o'clock at night. With Nutella. Yep. I've heard some people do that. Um, so that basically is causing our bodies to be going through excess digestion, our liver to have to go through more work than it would normally do at night, and our cortisol levels to spike. So giving ourselves a decent break, at least three hours between the last time we eat and when we're going to sleep. And that doesn't mean if we decide to have a snack at 11 o'clock that we have to stay up till 2 a.m. So let's please finish dinner by at least 8 p.m. or finish eating by at least 8 p.m. earlier if possible. Um, and then we actually give our bodies a chance to relax. There are things that we can do from a breathing perspective as well, to actually bring our cortisol levels down. We can do box breathing, so you know, breathe in for four, hold for four, out for four, hold for four, repeat that for a couple of minutes. Things like that, even just before we go to bed, can help to bring that level, that heightened level that we've been at all day. Just bring that down. Definitely some meditation techniques like checking in with our body. And again, this doesn't have to be any crazy meditation thing where you're going to spend two hours oming or whatever. You know, it can be as simple as getting a free app or just lying there and checking in with your body, just the the act of doing that helps to calm that nervous system, which then will mean you're more likely to have a better sleep as well. So even things like um, and again, when we look at those rhythms of the body and melatonin, the melatonin cycle starts first thing in the morning. So one of the things that we can really do to help with that late night response, both getting to sleep and staying asleep, is getting some sunshine in the morning. So even five or ten minutes, take your breakfast outside, take your coffee outside, go for a walk around the corner for 10 minutes without sunnies, is what we want to do is we want to get that light in our eyes that tells our body it's morning now. So I'm going to set off this hormone cascade that will then in the evenings, I'm going to reduce melatonin in the morning because I want to be awake and perky. Uh, and then I'm going then over the day, that will gradually rise until a point where you're at the evening and you're ready to sleep. So there are a few things that we can do to help that.

SPEAKER_00 35:11

It's so interesting that when you're thinking about how you can help yourself sleep, the it starts as soon as you get up in the morning.

SPEAKER_03 35:17

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's really interesting as well from that blood sugar perspective. Um, I've done things where I've worn one of those continuous glucose monitors for a couple of weeks. Right. And for science, had sugar in the evening, because science. Um, and then I've watched my blood sugar rise throughout the evening, uh, throughout the night. And it is phenomenal. And it's when our blood sugar rises, if we think about when we're being chased by the the woolly mammoth or with our saber-toothed tiger, when we're being chased and we need energy quickly. What feeds that energy and straight into our muscles is sugar. So, and that's so it's a stress response from being chased, whether it's by the divorce lawyer or a saber-toothed tiger, and sugar is what we need to feed that and give us the energy to do that. So, sugar and cortisol, sugar and and that stress response are very innately linked. So, the more we can I dislike the word control because it has a lot of negative connotations, but the more we can modulate um our intake of sugary foods, especially late at night, will help that sleep. And there's some stuff that we can do with supplements as well, depending on somebody's presentation, whether we look at um magnesiums or L-theanine or whatever it is to actually help kind of bring that nervous system down.

SPEAKER_00 36:46

That's interesting. So, what you are saying is if we have to deal with a divorce lawyer on a particular day, it's totally okay to have sugar. It is. We probably need it.

unknown 36:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:55

Um, I'm aware that we're we're going over time, but I really wanted to just touch on before we wrap up, given that people in this situation, women in this situation, are really often stressed out, time poor, really feeling it. And I know you have this really wonderful ebook that um is specifically designed for women who I think it's called suddenly single, isn't it? So it's you know all about, you know, finding yourself in this situation and and how you can look after yourself from a nutritional perspective. Um and you give really wonderful advice about when we're stretched and we're time poor, what are some quick meals we can pull together that are just absolutely no time, you don't require culinary skills or you know, an hour in the kitchen. Give us some hot tips because I I know that I found that so incredibly useful.

SPEAKER_03 37:39

Yeah, 100%. So it can be as simple as cheddar cheese slice on a bit of toast. It could be that, or a tin of tuna, or you empty out a tin of chickpeas into a bowl, or you've got hummus that's already mushed up for you with some veggies, things like that that are just quick and easy. There are some ready-made meals that are better than others, as with anything. Quality varies hugely.

SPEAKER_00 38:12

What are some good ones?

SPEAKER_03 38:14

For our Brisbane people, there's a beautiful company called Wholesomeness that do um do some good stuff. Some of the U Foods things are not too bad either. I wouldn't say they're a go-to every day, but if you need to have something in um your freezer that's ready to go, then then absolutely do that.

SPEAKER_00 38:35

Um and I know you're a great advocate for the bachelor's handbag as well, the the the old barbecue chuck from from the supermarket.

SPEAKER_03 38:42

Yeah. I'd never heard it called that before. Yeah. 100%. Just pull that apart. That one of those will last you easily three or four meals, pull it apart, add at it with some veggies, or but also like there is no such thing, I always say, as breakfast, lunch, or dinner food. There's just food. So you if you want to have yogurt and berries for dinner, then then just do that.

SPEAKER_00 39:09

I'm just gonna be scrambled eggs. Eggs are a wonderful, yeah. Eggs, beans, they're such a great go-to. And yeah, tuna is another one that's just you can just have it on hand, and if you're depleted and over it, it's there, right?

SPEAKER_03 39:20

Yeah, and use frozen veg, frozen fruit, frozen berries, just oh yeah, that's a great yeah. Yeah, so good. They're you know, as nutrition nutritional. Nutritious? Nutritious. Yes. They're nutritionists, ladies and gentlemen. I know, don't know my nutrition words. Um, but yeah, definitely get get into the frozen stuff. It's just easy to have. So you want as many things around you, whether that's you know, tins, frozen things, that when you can't be arsed, yes. You just want to have it.

SPEAKER_00 39:59

I love that. I think and I you have it drummed into your head all of these things that you should do yourself. And I know that when I have had very low battery, something else I do is go to that section of the fruit and veg part of the supermarket and get the pre-prepared veggies, they're fine, right? I mean, it's it it it's more expensive, it saves you a bunch of time, and it's the difference sometimes between eating well and not eating well, because otherwise I might just sort of a pizza. So yeah, that's been really good.

SPEAKER_03 40:23

You buy a full carrot that sits in your fridge and rots because literally just that extra step to have top it is too much. It is, yeah. Yeah, it really can be.

SPEAKER_00 40:34

Yeah, yeah. Oh, I love that we said exactly the same thing then. Yeah, 100%. All right, look, those are some wonderful tips. Thank you so much for sharing all of that. Now, when it comes to feelings where we're going through it, what would you say to women who are living through that stress at the moment? What's it doing to their bodies and what can they do about it?

SPEAKER_03 40:53

Yeah, so stress it takes its toll on our bodies. It actually depletes us of certain nutrients like magnesium. So everybody's probably heard of magnesium, you know, and we know it's good for stress and things like that, but and it really is. But there's about 600 processes in the body that that it's involved in, everything from creating energy to our immunity to our ability to use food and break food down. So, and that actually gets depleted when we're stressed. So we generally, with anybody in that state, I would also be looking to supplement with a good, and again, quality matters, a good quality magnesium, things like B vitamins as well. So um, they are depleted through stress. So, and we need those for our mental health, is one of the main things that we that we see as well, and our ability, again, that resilience and ability to cope with situations. So it's and we get those from everything from nuts, seeds, leafy veg. We want zinc and iron and and things like that, and and from our proteins, from our meat proteins, um, and they've got the B vitamins in there as well. So, you know, where we can getting those proteins, that variety, because our body is actually when, you know, you think about when you rev an engine in a car and you know, it's gonna use up fuel, but you know, we're using up our nutrient reserves just by virtue of the fact that we're going through a stressful situation.

SPEAKER_00 42:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:31

So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:32

I think women women particularly we tend to give ourselves a hard time about our mental health and about coping with things. And it's really, I think it's really empowering to go, uh, you know, it's A, you don't have to have it all together, and B, there are things that you can do from, you know, that you can that will actually help.

SPEAKER_03 42:49

So And sometimes it's about breaking the the cycle. You know, I don't have enough energy to make the food, I don't have enough energy to get myself to bed on time. So sometimes, you know, from a strategic perspective in clinic, what I'll do is actually um give that kind of supplemental crutch to somebody. So it's just enough to get them over the line. Yeah. So they go, oh my god, I actually slept well last night. I feel like I'm in a mental state and have enough energy to make myself breakfast this morning.

SPEAKER_00 43:21

Yeah. And then it builds and it comes from each other. So that's really cool. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:26

So we come at that from lots of different angles.

SPEAKER_00 43:29

So if someone's listening to this and they're feeling really overwhelmed, what's one thing they can do tomorrow to start that process?

SPEAKER_03 43:36

To start, hydrate. I can't believe I haven't mentioned hydration yet, but it's hugely, hugely important for our nervous system and everything else. So get 35 mils of water in for every kilo of your body weight. So for most women, that's going to be somewhere between two to two and a half to three and a half liters a day. Get that in you and have a breakfast and just see how you feel. Just do do one thing but then also reward yourself for that. You know, and that it doesn't mean you reward a good breakfast with a slice of cake, but you know, have have the good breakfast and acknowledge and just take a minute to go I did this for me.

SPEAKER_00 44:22

Yeah, I'm really caring for myself.

SPEAKER_03 44:24

Yeah. Because nobody else right now in my immediate vicinity, my kids aren't bothered what I put in my gob. You know, my ex certainly isn't. You know, this is the one thing that I can do for myself today. And then we build, we go from surviving to building to thriving in what I call the revenge glow.

SPEAKER_00 44:48

I do love the revenge glow. We can talk about that next time. Thank you so much for joining us. Now if people would like to learn more about you and maybe uh find out more about your ebook or your other offers, where can they find you?

SPEAKER_03 45:00

My practice is your vitality nutrition. So I'm on all on Insta, Facebook, um my website as well. So that will be linked um below so and with the ebook so people can go on there and download that as well.

SPEAKER_00 45:16

Wonderful. Also your socials are awesome and I and you do share wonderful tips on socials and everything as well. So I highly recommend people follow you. Thank you. Thanks for joining us. No thanks for having me if doing this alone feels heavy Women's Divorce Academy offers clear guidance, practical tools and a supportive community for the legal, financial and emotional realities of divorce. Whether you're considering separation in the middle of it or rebuilding afterwards, there's something here for you. Find us at women's divorceacademy.com