How to build your divorce support network

Building a support network during divorce isn't optional – it's infrastructure. In this conversation, Carolyn talks with her close friend Gillian about the real art of asking for help: why it feels so hard, how to do it practically, and who belongs in your support team – both personally and professionally. Gillian shares her own experience navigating an unexpected separation, building a network of friends, neighbours, and professionals, and why getting a lawyer and a psychologist on board early made all the difference. Honest, warm, and grounded in lived experience.

Key takeaways:

• Asking for help feels harder than receiving it – but the people around you want to help. Give them something specific to do.
• Your executive functioning is genuinely impaired during the early stages of separation. A support network isn't self-indulgent; it's necessary.
• Start with what's close: neighbours, school parents, and anyone with proximity to your daily life can help with practical logistics.
• Your professional team matters too – a lawyer, a psychologist, and your GP each play a distinct role, and getting them in place early is worth it.
• Not all support is equal – some people will fuss unhelpfully, others will bring judgment. Know who your trusted people are, and redirect the rest.
• Even a small network can grow quickly in acute emotional times. Friendships formed during this period are often among the most enduring.
• Building your support network isn't a luxury. It's the infrastructure that carries you through.

Helpful links:

Mental Health Treatment Plans (Australia): https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/mental-health-care-and-medicare

Coping with divorce (mental health tips): https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/coping-with-divorce-or-breakup

Women's Legal Service (Qld - google for similar services in your area): https://wlsq.org.au/

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

If you're going through divorce and you're trying to hold everything together, the kids, the finances, the legal stuff, the emotional weight of it all, asking for help can feel like the hardest thing in the world. Vulnerable at the exact moment when you already feel bruised enough. Today I'm talking with my best friend Gillian about how to actually build the support network that carries you through. Jillian is a master of friendship and networking, and she has lots of wisdom to share. So we'll talk about who you need around you, how to ask for specific things, and why this isn't a luxury. It's infrastructure. Let's get started. I'm Carolyn Tate, founder of Women's Divorce Academy, and your guide to turning your divorce into the best thing that ever happened to you. This is Divorce with Carolyn. Gillian, thank you for joining us. Me, thank you for joining me. For this pleasure to be here. You are somebody who I think is um, I don't know if there are qualifications in building your divorce network, but I reckon you'd have a PhD in it if you there were. Thanks. I feel proud of that. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

Do you think I did it fairly well?

SPEAKER_02 1:13

I mean, you come from a very supportive family for a start. You guys are very tight. Um, still at the age of 50 ish-ish holidaying with family, parents, sisters, brothers.

unknown 1:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:31

Can't can't stay away from them.

SPEAKER_02 1:33

It's weird, weird but true. Yes. So nice though. I think it's lovely. So today we're talking about, especially in those early stages of divorce when you really need support. I think I feel like there's two types of women, right, who go through this. There's the you's and then there's the me's. Because when I was going through it, I was like, there's nothing to see here. I'm totally fine. It's business as usual. I've got it covered. And I didn't reach out for help and I didn't tell people that I was drowning because I just thought it was my job to keep things moving. So I had three kids. Um, I didn't know how I was going to pay the bills every week because I was working as a freelance writer. Um, I had a lot going on, you know, with my kids. There was a lot happening, and I just didn't ask anybody for anything because I didn't know how to. It's such a vulnerable feeling to ask for help.

SPEAKER_00 2:25

Yeah, for sure. And, you know, we all know it shouldn't be because we all, I think most of us know what it's like to be asked for help. And it's actually a really lovely thing to when someone reaches out to you and says, I'm in a pickle, can you help me out with XYZ? And you think, oh, that is I'd love to help you. That's great. It feels like a real honour to help someone. And yet I think sometimes we don't think about that when when we want to ask for help. And um and I think knowing the words to use to ask for help are always tricky.

SPEAKER_02 3:03

Yeah. And and to your first point, I think there's this great dichotomy, isn't there, between how we think of ourselves asking for help and how we think of other people asking for help. Because when we're asking for help, we're like, oh, what kind of a loser am I? I can't believe I can't use my own. And if somebody else asks us, it's a real honor. It's quite like you feel quite special to be asked, I think, a lot of the time.

SPEAKER_00 3:23

And oh, absolutely. And I think it is something that um Brene Brown talks a lot about in her vulnerability pieces, where she says that vulnerability is something that is so human. And when we see another human being vulnerable, it opens up this sort of, you know, love within us. We want to help someone, we want to bring them in, we see them as being intrinsically human, we want to care for them, and yet the person being vulnerable is going, uh, this is gross. I feel terrible. Um, and yeah, it's something I know that Brene Brown talks a lot about that side of vulnerability.

SPEAKER_02 4:08

I'm sure I could do a better job. Yeah, who's she? What does she know? Yeah, I think that's a really good point. And there's, I think as well, because you're going through a breakup, the person that was your person and it was supposed to love you the most in the world, either you're rejecting them, they're rejecting you. Either way, you don't no one feels good, right? Like it's not a good time. And so then to go, hey, you should just be vulnerable and ask for help is so simple, right? And yet so difficult because you are feeling bruised and battered. And and you know, for me, I just wanted to hide in a corner and pull up a duna and go, nothing to see here. Leave me be. I'll be out in about 12 months. Um, unfortunately, I had a lot of parenting and other things to do. It's like the hardest time to be vulnerable and yet the most important.

SPEAKER_00 4:57

Absolutely. And your emotions are incredibly raw. And I think everything is sort of a bit on the surface, you know. And I think that's maybe one of the things that people are scared about in terms of asking for help. They're frightened that when they do ask, you know, you might burst into tears or you might, I don't know, whatever, something might happen. Because I do think you your emotions are so heightened and potentially right, they're ready to come out at any time. But again, that is not going to that's only a feeling that we have in ourselves that's not in most of our friends, are not going to judge us for that.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

Yeah, and if we are, then we're not the ones that we want to talk into anyway, right?

SPEAKER_00 5:46

Absolutely. Absolutely. So I can see why it is a hard time to ask for help. But also it as you said, it is a really crucial time to ask for help because you are so raw and you are so compromised emotionally, uh, that your prefrontal cortex, your brain is not functioning, your executive functioning isn't working well. And I think many of us are not actually able to do some of the things that we need to do, and having people around to to help us with them is a simple fact of almost necessity, I would say. Because you just can't do stuff because your brain isn't working properly.

SPEAKER_02 6:37

Yeah. So, how did you do that in the early stages? What were the practical things you asked people to help with early on?

SPEAKER_00 6:46

I probably would go back a step and say that I already had strong uh networks in place and relationships. So, for example, one of those networks was my neighbors who I'm really close to, and we already pretty much used to catch up very regularly. So I was able to bring them on the journey right from the beginning, and they were there witnessing what was going on. So they knew what was happening. So that made it easier because they already knew they were there, they were seeing it. So then when I was they were offering to help, and because of their close proximity, it meant that that was a really great help because there was a lot of sort of things maybe that they could help out with, like you know, logistical things with driving kids or taking kids for an afternoon, or if they were at the supermarket, could you grab me some I don't know, like the growth? So those little things, because of their proximity and location, they were able to really help me with. And the fact that I already had an existing strong relationship with them made it easier. So my tip for everyone is to know your neighbours. Yeah, if you're planning to get to get divorced, just start that network early. Know your neighbours. But if you don't, one of the things you can do, and I think probably most people have a good relationship with um the school network if they have children. There's usually mums from the school that again, from a logistical point of view, they're able to often do things that are quite helpful and practical and simple to ask for. So I'd start there because I think some of those things aren't too hard to contact, you know, your if you do have a child, the child's best friend, the mom, and say, Oh, could you pick up my son from school, please? That sort of thing.

SPEAKER_02 8:54

And it's interesting, and that reluctance again comes up. I know someone recently who needed to get her son to cricket and didn't want to ask the other parents in the cricket team because they didn't want to be an imposition. And I said, Do the parents go and watch anyway? And they and she was like, Yeah. I was like, Well, why wouldn't you? I mean, they're going anyway. It's not a big deal, but it feels like a big deal to you because it helps you more than it costs them.

SPEAKER_00 9:19

Absolutely. And the number of times I've been asked to take someone to cricket or sport or basketball, and honestly, I mean, you don't bat an eyelid over it, do you? You just go, yeah, sure. And it's not in the car.

SPEAKER_02 9:34

No. It's not the only reason people ask. So it's not, you're not even putting a beacon out. If you're not ready to talk about it yet, you don't even have to tell people why. Although that's something else we can talk about in a moment, too, is telling people what's going on. But I know that a lot of people when you're going through something like this will say, if there's anything you need, let me know, which is so lovely and well-meaning, but it can be really overwhelming when you're going through it to know what that means, or do they actually mean it first? And you know, what can I what's included in that? But as the person going through it, I think the greatest gift you can give people around you is to actually have a think about what you need and ask for specific things because people want to help, and a lot of the time they just don't know how to help and don't know what your struggles are. And it might be just a friendly ear, a shoulder to cry on, um, you know, a friendly coffee to chat about what's going on. It might be practical stuff like picking up the kids or a loaf of bread. I know when you were going through your separation very early on, I think one of the things that we did together was just sit on the couch and watch endless episodes of 30 Rock together, which was so lovely. Um, probably less for you. But I remember just thinking, I feel really good about being here. Also, we got to watch 30 Rock, which is great. But um, but you know, I think sometimes you just want someone to be with you, right? And that's okay to ask for as well.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

Yeah, you're right. There's so many different types of help that people can provide. There is the those logistical pieces, uh, but also there's people being on the other end of maybe a text message or a messenger. I remember I had a particular person who was really, really wise that they were um not in Brisbane, where I am. They said to me, Oh, look, message me anytime, which I did. And at first I was a bit uncomfortable because I was uh like messaging them quite a bit. And then I said to them, Are you okay? I know you offered that I could message. Are you okay with this? Because I didn't, you know, want to be an imposition. And they were like, No, honestly, message me anytime. If I'm not available, I won't be able to reply, but anytime, just message me and I'm I'm here. So for me, having having that um was really great because I could sometimes, if I had a thought, I could message at like a weird hour and I didn't feel awkward about it because we that was you know the offer that was made and they were totally cool with that. And you know, having really really good friends, I'm incredibly fortunate to have you and um, you know, some other really good friends who had been through it and they had been through um challenging divorces and separations and being able to lean on those people is pretty amazing. And I do think when you're going through it, there is something about someone who has been through it beforehand that is particularly helpful, comforting, amazing. And I can only speak for myself, but I would say as a person that has been through it, I will always be available to anyone going through it. Any of my friends who are going through it, I will always be there to help and talk because you know what it's like. Right. Um, and so that's often a good place to to start to if you do have friends or family who have been through it before.

SPEAKER_02 13:11

Um, to reach out to you. Yeah, that's a good point. Um, you better be careful how many people are listening to this because I know you have a pretty broad network, so you could be really busy. I I remember um the day that I told my now ex-husband that I was going, you were still married, but I texted you and you were away on holidays, uh, but you weren't too far away, and you said, just come, come out, come to the beach. So I dropped everything and came to the beach and hung out with you for a day or two and just um defragged and kind of took a big breath. And it was such a lovely, you know, you hadn't been through it at that point. Um, and I hope I didn't infect you, but um, but it was so it was it felt so nurturing to just sit with you and you know, go to the beach and go for a swim in the ocean and you know, that thing about salt water being, you know, so such a healing thing. It was, it just felt lovely. Um I mean, it's it's sort of funny to me now that I got home and I realized that what I thought was a clear conversation had to be had a second time. So that would be a lovely story, except I had to do it again.

SPEAKER_00 14:17

But that I mean, that's a whole topic for another podcast, but I mean that happens so often. I've heard that just recently I had the exact same conversation with someone who said, I have had this very clear discussion with my husband, and now this is the third time, and it still is not sinking in. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 14:40

Yeah, we don't have to settle that actually. Because even people in Women's Divorce Academy, um, same thing, like husbands who just go, no, or like, oh, I didn't think you meant it, or you know, whatever. Um, yeah, interesting topic. Now, apart from building that support network around you in a social way, I think you were also really good at getting your ducks in a row as far as professional support went as well, because you saw a lawyer really early, didn't you?

SPEAKER_00 15:09

I did, and I thank uh my Lucky Stars for doing that. It was absolutely the right thing to do. And I know that uh in Women's Divorce Academy, we talked about this idea of building your team that's going to support and be around your professional team that's going to be around you. And for me, um, one of my friends who had gone through it, she was about six months ahead of me. And she had said, get your finance stuff sorted as soon as possible. And I thought that was being a little bit dramatic. And she explained to me where she was at, what had happened. And I at the time I was thinking, oh, that doesn't sound like my situation. My situation is much easier and nicer than that. And it was pretty much a couple of days later that things started to get quite difficult with my then ex um separated husband. And I was just really shocked. And then what happened is that continued to happen. So my friend who was six months ahead of me kept saying, Okay, this is where I'm at. And I kept thinking, Oh, I'm not gonna be there. And then I found myself in that position. So she recommended very early, get yourself a lawyer and get your property settlement sorted. She said, get onto it. And I did, and it was a really, really good thing to do. And what my lawyer helped with was he sort of was able to direct me to the kind of assistance that I needed because I obviously had never been through it before. I didn't know who does what. And he was sort of able to say, No, that's not my job, you need to go over here, or this is the bit that we do, we can help you with this. But if you want extra advice, this is where you need to go. I cannot speak uh more highly of um, you know, lawyers. I know people uh some lawyers have a bad reputation, but I was extremely fortunate, and my lawyer was so helpful and really um provided me with great advice the whole way along. And you know, one of the important things is, and that's again a whole nother topic that I think we've discussed many times, is that not every you're not exactly going to be jumping up and down going, whoo, when your property settlement is done. But it was definitely something that I could live with. So that was a good result. And I'm glad I started it early because I also set an expectation with my ex at the time because he kept saying, Oh, we'll just do it ourselves. It's going to be really easy. You just get half the house and then it's all done. And it's classic.

SPEAKER_01 18:12

Not that hard.

SPEAKER_02 18:17

Um yeah, and it's it's a good point, although I mean, obviously everyone's situation is different. And for me, I mean, I didn't I didn't even start property settlement until after my divorce um became final. And you know, there are there are legal time limits that you have to look at and that sort of thing. We're both well within that, but your yours was final well before mine was, even though I separated a year ahead of you. Um and at you know, everyone's situation is different. I was definitely just sticking my fingers in my ears and singing la la la and hoping it went away, which it didn't. Um, but also I think it's important to do it when you're emotionally ready to do it, because if you rush it early and you're not feeling calm, um, you know, it it can be um the danger can be that you settle for something that you shouldn't settle for, or you know, you can be ripped off, or or something can happen because you just want it to go away. Um so it's important to do it at your own pace, but also I think seeking advice early is really good, you know, at least having a conversation of what's my situation, what can I expect? Um that can be really helpful. I hope you're enjoying this episode of Divorce with Carolyn. If you are, please take a moment to subscribe and leave a review. It makes a real difference in helping other women to find the show. And if you have a question or a topic you'd like me to cover in a future episode, please send me an email at hello at women's divorceacademy.com. I'd love to hear from you and make sure we're covering everything you want to know about divorce. Now I know as well, apart from the lawyer in your support team, there was also, let's say, there's uh therapist.

SPEAKER_00 20:21

Sure was. Uh very good psychologist. And I was about to just the the point that you made just before about being emotionally ready. I also think it's quite uh important to note that you may not feel emotionally ready, but there are often good times when you need to move forward on things. And so therefore, having the right support to ensure that you are making the right decisions, even when you are feeling sad, distressed, challenged, you know, having it not having a great time, I think that's really important. So that's why I went to a psychologist and I got really great emotional support. They helped me to understand what my brain was doing at the time, taught me about my, you know, f a lot more about flight or fight, that sort of thing. So I really understood what was happening in my brain and body, what my emotions were doing. So that enabled me to uh make better decisions because I was able to control what was happening because I because the rug was pulled out from under me and I did not expect this and I did not see this divorce coming. I was so um shocked, distressed, devastated, ill and but I Had to keep moving forward. And so I think that's a really that that's something that is a huge challenge for so many women, whether or not you call time or whether it happens to you, that you are feeling really, really not great. But you do have there are things that you have to do, and you have to do them despite feeling that way. And that's I think where having the support is so important, whether or not it's a psychologist. To me, I went to my doctor, I got a um a mental health plan and was able to get um psychology at a cheaper rate, which was great. And I didn't actually have I couldn't afford a lot of sessions, but I had just enough to kind of give me the tools that I needed to be able to at least get through that really, really terrible period of time where everything was on fire, but I was also being pressured to settle. So I was able to set the boundaries, I was able to take a deep breath, use the techniques that the psychologist taught me.

SPEAKER_02 23:07

Now you mentioned there that you saw your GP and got a mental health plan, but um I think sometimes people overlook GPs, right, as support during something like this. It's not like you make an appointment to go to your doctor and go and getting a divorce, but I mean, I'm I'm sure they hear a lot of stuff. It'd probably be a welcome relief to head colds and infected toenails. But how did your GP help you?

SPEAKER_00 23:28

She was really good at explaining to me, you know, what I was going through from a physical point of view and maybe what support I um could consider. So she offered me, I asked for sleeping, something to help me sleep, because I could not sleep at all. I was having the most horrendous insomnia and waking up and having panic attacks in the night. And she offered me some other support, I think an antidepressant of some kind, which I tried and it did not work for me at the time. It was a bad scene. So I did not go for that. But for someone else, that might be that might be super helpful. You know, there's lots of things that your GP can help with. Um, she wanted me to just uh sort of make a regular appointment with her to make sure I was looking after myself because I think potentially a lot of women going through this, um, perhaps they don't eat that well, definitely not sleeping well, I reckon. Um, and possibly, you know, you might be turning to some substances to sort of numb some of the pain. And, you know, it might not be your healthiest time of life. So I think seeing a doctor is not a bad thing. Uh, having a bit of accountability to sort of go, okay, I am trying to have a look after myself. And yeah, they can be really great for that.

SPEAKER_02 24:54

Yeah. And I think, you know, a lot of the time, I actually got a message today from a friend who said that, you know, their doctor suggested they take um antidepressants and that and they're reluctant to take them because, you know, that's not sort of how they think of themselves. And, you know, I think sometimes it's important to just do what you need to do to get to where you want to go. It doesn't mean that you're on them forever. And I'm not suggesting that you should take them, you know, every situation is different, but I think it's wise to not dismiss anything at that point because there is help available to get you through this very difficult time. Um, you don't have to try all the things, but I think being open to hearing what's out there and hearing what can help, especially if you also have children to look after, you know, it's not just you. Um, and a lot of the time we are quick to pour a large glass of wine or, you know, eat poorly and, you know, do all those things, which is fine too, no judgment. But um, you know, but and yet we don't we won't try things that are actually designed to help us. We go for the things that are socially acceptable to um to to help us. And I think that there are things that can help you, and it's really wise to to just listen and and be open to those and see and try things out. I mean, you know, you tried those antidepressants, and I remember when you tried them, you were not okay. Um, they did not, they were not your thing.

SPEAKER_00 26:23

No, I had a serious reaction to those, and uh I remember driving and I was having this sort of like weird, itchy up my neck kind of scratching sensation. I had a kid in the car and I was just thinking, I just have to, I'm gonna give myself like a couple of minutes, otherwise I'm I'm gonna have to pull over, or otherwise I've just got to get home. So I did make it home. I was fine to drive just, but then I rang the doctor straight away and she said, Oh yes, oh yes, that's considered a very severe reaction. So you need to give up those straight away. Um so yes, that was a good one. Which kept me then I was awake for days again.

SPEAKER_02 27:07

That's right, you didn't sleep. Yes, I remember that well. Um, that leads to another question that I that I have, which is around sometimes there are well-meaning people in your support network who love you. Um, and you touched on this a little bit before when you were talking about, you know, reaching out to people who have been through it before who are particularly helpful. Maybe you've got people in your network who haven't been through it, who have been through it and have the best of intentions, but maybe not necessarily the best advice or the best or support that helps you. I'm trying to be diplomatic. But you know, it might be it might look like somebody who thinks they're helping, but they fuss and they, you know, they're in your house all the time, or you know, that they um they keep making the children curried sausages, even though the children don't like curried sausages or, you know, whatever it is. You've got well-meaning people that want to help you. How do you first how do you tell the difference between who's helpful and who's not? And then how do you say thank you very much? We don't need your curried sausages.

SPEAKER_00 28:12

Yeah, that's a tricky one. And uh what I would say there is if you've got well-meaning people who are trying to help, I think you want to wrangle that and you want to use it. Um, and perhaps shifting their attention to another thing is a really good way to do things because you know, if you've got someone who is um fussing around, they clearly want to be helpful, they want to do something for you. Give them something to do that is actually useful to you. And there are many kind ways to say that. Um and you know, a simple way is just to say, I would love it if you would help me with this thing right now that I really need. You know, and you don't even have to say, can you stop doing that thing over there? Because it's really annoying.

SPEAKER_02 29:07

And what about though the the the help that comes with the side of judgment? So, you know, perhaps people that uh like I know in your situation, for instance, and don't worry, I'm not gonna out anyone, but um you didn't choose for your marriage to end, and yet there were people who were saying to you, Well, you should stay ma you need to stay married. That's this isn't this isn't what we do. Um, how do you deal with that kind of help? I'm saying help comments. You can't see it because you've got a comments around that help.

SPEAKER_00 29:37

I think that's a real challenge because you're you know, I was very fragile at the time as it was, and I found it extremely difficult when people were giving me this information or saying things to me that I knew was not okay and I knew it wasn't right. But working out how to deal with that when your brain isn't working properly and when you're emotionally so fragile, that is a really tricky one. And I think one of the most important things to do is to have the trusted people, you know, make sure you know who is who you trust, and you can always talk to them about those sort of things, you know, because this is exactly why you have your support network. You have your support network to help you during a time when you are not necessarily able to help yourself, or you're not able to think clearly, or you're not able to give yourself, you don't have the strength to kind of be strong within yourself when you need to. So that's what someone else is for. So yeah, that's again why you've got that network. Like bring in the people that you know are going to pump your tires and that are going to say, no, that that chick's a mole. She shouldn't have said that.

SPEAKER_02 31:03

I think um, you know, something that we both talked about when we're going through our divorces together is uh is that there's always something to laugh at. And I think that was one of the great things about our friendship when we're going through it was that we always helped each other to laugh as well. And we could, I think a few people got called a mole during that time. But um but just find, you know, even just that, right? Like even just those people that help you find the lightness in your day, and the people that help you to it's just that reminder that you're going to be okay and that you're still you. Sometimes you can just feel so out of body with everything, but you're still yourself and it all comes back and and and just keeping your you in touch with that is a really lovely thing and it can't be overrated.

SPEAKER_00 31:53

Yeah, sometimes perhaps we're reticent to laugh or because it somehow feels not appropriate to the situation. But yeah, I mean, we've said it many times, but there's you know, you can always have a laugh, even through the most challenging things. I think there's always something to find. Your lightness is always there. Um, so yeah, I think finding those people that can cheer you up as well, just literally cheer you up. They may not be performing any other duties apart from that, that's always a good one. I had one friend who sent me heaps of hilarious text messages that were just awesome. Um, you know, and I had one friend who was incredible at finance, and she was just pumping my tires about everything financial and just doing it in such a great way, like super just straight up, just like going, no, you'll be fine, it's great, you know, you'll be this is great, this is gonna be great for you, kind of thing. And I certainly could not see that at the time at all.

SPEAKER_02 32:58

That's tough to see at the time, but it has been great for you. Um, and I think, you know, that the idea that I a lot of women have, I think, of because we're societally brought up to be givers and nurturers, and and so we think all of building our support network and doing all these things feels like a luxury where we should be, you know, we should be taking care of our children and we should be going to work and we should be doing all these things. And um, but it's not a luxury. It's infrastructure, right? It's like it's the framework that helps you move from A to B. So, and it's the framework that helps you to carry on being the mother and the employee or the business owner and the all of the things that you need to keep doing while also getting divorced, which feels at times like a full-time job in itself, um, because the admin, let alone all of the emotional energy that needs to go into it as well, it's a really hefty piece of work. It doesn't always have to be, but it often is. So having that support network isn't a luxury and it's not, you're not treating yourself. It's not um, you know, I mean, maybe you've got a friend that will pay for you to have a cruise around the Caribbean, and if you do, um but have yeah, take it, take all of it. Um, have a wonderful time because you deserve that too. But it's the A to B and it's the plan that will help you get through this in one piece.

SPEAKER_00 34:30

Absolutely, and you know, I think there's that whole uh conversation around scaffolding, and that's the big word now that everyone talks about is having that scaffolding around your life. But it's true, you know, it's and the people, and you know, all these places where people live for a really, really long time, all the blue zones, they're very communic, you know, there's always community, there's always that sort of someone to be there to help you when you need it. So this is not just for divorce, but obviously that's what we're talking about today, but this is a core human need, is to have your community, to have people around you that can be there, that you can help, and they can help you when you need it. You know, that's that's what living a good life is about. And then when you go through these periods of time where you like have these difficulties, and divorce is right up there as being one of the most difficult times that many of us go through. That's when this these communities of people come in, you know, they're there to help you. So yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 35:50

And I think, you know, I would say as because you and I have been friends for a very long time, but we're very different when it comes to social circles. Mine is much smaller. Um, I can't manage big numbers, whereas you have a very broad social network. And so for me, I was a bit despairing in I don't, you know, so so I'm speaking now to people who maybe are thinking, well, that sounds great, but I don't have that. Um, so for I'd say two things to that. First, it's incredible how friendships can form from asking for help. So from asking a school mum, hey, can you pick up my kids? Or, you know, um talking to maybe a friend who's been through divorce that you're not that close with. Oh, I'm going through this, you know, can we have a chat? Um, it can really forge strong friendships very quickly because it's a it's a such an acute time of emotions. And um I found some of my closest friends now are people that are, you know, helped me in that time. And the other thing I would say is that the other thing that I did because um my kids were small and I was working a lot and I couldn't go out a lot at first, and so uh a lot of my support was online, which of course that's what Women's Divorce Academy is for. We have that social network in there, and you know, I know we have members, I was talking to a member recently who said she met her best friend in Women's Divorce Academy, which is very cool. Um, so you know, there's that support as well. You know, there's different ways to find support, and if you don't have it, you can find it, and that's really important too.

SPEAKER_00 37:23

Yeah, absolutely. And um just because it's not something that's already been a relationship that's already been formed through neighbourhood or whatever, or your school friends, then there's no reason to think that you can't do that some other way. Yeah. Either through your school network, online, or whatever. Absolutely. And it's a time I just would really say to people, this is a time when you need to get help.

SPEAKER_02 37:54

Don't don't be afraid to ask for help. That's a good note to leave it on. I think that's the best the best point. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Wonderful things can happen. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 38:09

Thanks, Gilly. No worries, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 38:16

If doing this alone feels heavy, Women's Divorce Academy offers clear guidance, practical tools, and a supportive community for the legal, financial, and emotional realities of divorce. Whether you're considering separation in the middle of it, or rebuilding afterwards.