Outgrowing Who You Used to Be | Healing, Identity Shifts & Personal Growth

Healing doesn’t just change how you feel, it can change how you see yourself.

In this episode of the Butterfly Collective Podcast, we explore the quiet and often confusing experience of outgrowing old versions of yourself.

The identities that once helped you survive.

The habits that once protected you.

And the strange in-between space where the old version of you no longer fits — but the new version hasn’t fully arrived yet.

This conversation is for anyone who feels like they are changing but doesn’t quite have the language to describe it yet.

We talk about:

• the grief of leaving old identities behind

• why growth can feel uncomfortable

• learning to trust yourself during transformation

• allowing yourself to evolve without rushing the process

The Butterfly Collective Podcast was created as an extension of the healing reflections behind the book Blooming in Softness — where growth is honored as a gentle, non-linear process.

If you’re navigating change, becoming someone new, or learning how to move through healing at your own pace, this episode is for you.

You don’t have to rush your becoming.

Some of the most meaningful transformations happen quietly.

🎙 Follow the podcast for new episodes each week.

📖 Book: Blooming in Softness (Amazon & Kindle)

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey guys, welcome back to Butterfly Collective Podcast. This is your girl Butterfly. Episode 3 is about who you are when the OU no longer fits. This is a space for reflection, healing, and becoming where we talk about the quiet transformations that don't always get named. Today we're talking about something that can feel confusing during healing. What happens when the old version of you no longer fits? But the new version of you hasn't fully arrived yet. That space in the middle can feel strange, unfamiliar, sometimes even lonely. Before we go deeper, I want to invite you to slow down with me for a moment. Take a deep breath in and gently release it. You don't need to understand everything right now. Just allow yourself to listen. One thing people don't talk about enough when it comes to healing is the grief that can come with it. Not grief for a person, but grief for the old version of you. The version that survived certain environments, the version that adapted, the version that learned how to protect itself. And sometimes when you start growing, you realize that the strategies you once needed don't feel aligned anymore. They can feel unsettling because for a long time those parts of you helped you survive. Reacting differently to stress, meaning I don't try to let everything stress me out. I only can control what I can control. Not arguing the way I used to. Nothing you do say or try to prove to them can make them feel any different about them the way the way they already feel. So what what the hell is really the point? Now I stay quiet instead of explaining myself. If somebody comes at me with something somebody said, hey, believe it. Growth can feel empowering, but it can also feel disorienting. I want to ask you something. And if you're listening, just sit with the question for a moment. Have you ever felt like you were outgrowing a version of yourself, but didn't quite know what the next version of you looked like yet? That in-between space is real, and more people are in it than we realize. So that's why I made this podcast. Like, I want y'all to start reaching out, going to my website. We can do a podcast together if you feel like it's better for you to just like be able to talk without without being judged and not looked at differently. When old entities no longer apply, sometimes the hardest part of healing is realizing the identities you built around survival don't fully fit anymore. Maybe you are always known as the strong one, the one who fixes everything, the one who holds everyone together, the one who always comes through for anybody. But when healing begins, you start realizing you're allowed to be more than the rose you carried. And that can bring up a strange question. If I'm not that version of myself anymore, then who the hell am I becoming? Carry everyone anymore. I started noticing moments where I didn't feel the same pressure to be the same person I used to be. And at first they actually felt uncomfortable. It felt like I was hurting other people by putting myself first. It felt like I had to feel guilty for wanting to put Deanna first. It felt like I had to like always be that go-to person. That's when I realized I don't have to explain my boundaries as set. If I don't want to deal with you, I don't want to deal with you. If I don't want to come around, I don't have to come around. And I shouldn't have to like explain that to anybody on why I set those boundaries for myself. And the moment I chose rest instead of responsibility is the moment I realized, damn, I needed that. I needed to be able to just rest without somebody saying, Oh, why she ain't come? Or she just acting funny or acting different. No, I'm just listening to my body, my mind, and my soul. I'm doing what's best for Deanna. Sometimes freedom feels unfamiliar at first. If anything in this conversation feels heavy, that's okay. Healing isn't about rushing to the next version of yourself, it's about learning how to sit with the process. Your nervous system is learning something new. It's learning that it's safe to exist differently. And that takes time. While right in blooming in softness, this was something I kept returning to. The idea that growth doesn't always feel like a breakthrough. Sometimes it just feels like quietly letting go of things that no longer fit you. And trusting that the next version of yourself will reveal itself in time, not through pressure, but through presence. So with that being said, let's let's go back to a chapter in my book. For those of you who haven't read it or anything. So we're gonna go to we're gonna go to chapter three. This is episode three. And chapter three says creating gentle mornings. So morning set the tone for the day. For years, months was chaos. Snooze button three times, staying rushed to get ready for the day. Coffee spills in the car, heart racing. Already before the day had even started. Full-blown panic attacks because of my own reasons of not wanting to get out of bed on time. So I tried something different. One morning I woke up an hour and 30 minutes early. I lit a candle, opened the blinds, let the sun in, cracked the window, sat quietly with my cup of ginger and lemon tea, and just sat in silence, meditating and focusing on myself before even opening my phone for the day. That single little shift changed how I felt the entire day. I walked out calmer, softer, and more prepared to move softly through my day versus being so uptight and mean and just not wanting to be bothered. Gentle mornings don't require your perfection. They require your presence of the mind, body, and soul. They're about greeting yourself before you greet the world. So I'm gonna leave you with these soft girl practices. Play a soft playlist while getting ready for the day. Right, one line of gratitude in a journal and choose a gentle first light routine, like stretching, sipping tea or coffee, water, or just saying a prayer, or you can just combine all of them. Journal prom. If I designed my perfect morning, what would it look like? How can I add just one piece of that into tomorrow? Positive affirmation for episode three. I deserve slow and gentle mornings that nourish my spirit. So with that being said, if you're in a season where the old version of you feels distant, but the new version isn't fully clear yet, I want you to know something. You're not lost, you're in a transition. And transition is where transformation happens. If there's one thing I want you to take from today's episode, is this you don't have to rush and healing, you don't have to define yourself immediately, and you don't have to hold on to versions of yourself that you've already outgrown. Sometimes healing simply means allowing yourself to change quietly. Thank you for being here, and I'll see you in the next episode.