You Can Be A Mother And Still Be You

Motherhood changes everything — including how you see yourself.

In this episode of the Butterfly Collective Podcast, we talk about the quiet and often unspoken experience of losing your sense of self after becoming a mother.

The way your identity can slowly shift.

The way your needs can become quieter.

And the moment you realize you don’t fully recognize who you are outside of being there for everyone else.

This conversation is for the mothers who love deeply…

but feel like they’ve lost parts of themselves along the way.

Inside this episode, we explore:

• the identity shift that comes with motherhood

• how losing yourself happens in small, unnoticed ways

• the guilt that comes with wanting time and space for yourself

• how to begin reconnecting with who you are — without pressure

This episode is a reminder that you are still allowed to exist outside of who you are to others.

The Butterfly Collective Podcast is an extension of the reflections behind the book Blooming in Softness — where healing is gentle, growth is non-linear, and becoming takes time.

You are not starting over.

You are finding your way back to yourself.

Transcript

Welcome And A Deep Breath

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hey everybody. Welcome back to Butterfly Collective Podcast. This is episode four. Finding yourself again after motherhood. This is a space for healing, reflection, and becoming. A place where we talk about the quiet parts of growth, the parts people don't always say out loud. Today's conversation is for mothers. For women who love their children deeply, but somewhere along the line, they started to lose themselves. If you've ever thought, I don't even know who I am outside of being a mom anymore, this episode is for you. Take a deep breath. Now slowly release it. Let's begin.

How Motherhood Shifts Identity

SPEAKER_02 1:47

Motherhood changes everything. Not just your schedule. Not just your responsibilities. It changes your identity as well as other things. You go from being your own person to being needed constantly. Say this slowly. And it wasn't intentional. It happened little by little, day by day. That realization can feel heavy because you love your children, but you also miss yourself. So with that being said, before we jump into the next part, just sit and think to yourself for a minute on how you can get back the old version of you that you miss. It you don't have to write a page, you don't have to sit and think too hard, but just think of little things that you can do to get back to the version that you were before you started having kids or before you started pouring into everybody and not yourself. Losing yourself doesn't always happen all at once. I started choosing everyone else first, not even realize I was slowly putting myself last. I stopped asking myself what I needed and started only focusing what everyone else needed. I remember thinking, what do I even like anymore? Let that sit.

Make A List For Yourself

SPEAKER_02 4:06

So with that being said from today's episode, what I want y'all to do is write a list of everything that you remember you needed for yourself. Don't write down nothing everybody else need or keep showing up for everybody else when you don't even show up for yourself. In order to keep showing up for your kids, for your husbands, for your wives, for family, you have to show up for yourself. Without your mental stability of being there for you, you can't show up for everybody else how they expect you to. Now let's pause together. Ask yourself gently. When was the last time I felt like myself? So in my case, I'm asking myself, when was the last time I felt like Deanna? Not as somebody's child, not as somebody's mother, not as somebody's significant other. Not as somebody who's responsible for others, but just me. Whatever comes up, just notice it. Don't judge it.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

I was gonna talk about it.

Let Go Of The Guilt

SPEAKER_02 7:31

I felt guilty for needing space. I felt guilty for wanting something that didn't revolve around being me. But need and space doesn't make me a bad person, or mother, or child to my mom, or making me a bad person to my significant other. It just makes me a human. And the more I started pouring into myself, the more present I became for others. Finding yourself again doesn't always happen at once. It happens in small amounts. Like I didn't start with big changes. I started with small moments. Moments where I chose myself, even if it was just for a few minutes. Moments where I sat in silence, I cried, I laughed, I prayed, without needing to give anything to anyone, but just giving it to myself. And slowly I started to feel like me again. So let's let's just sit here for a moment. You need to reconnect with yourself in small amounts to feel like you again. Without feeling like you again, you could never just keep pouring into other people without feeling guilty because you're not doing it for yourself.

Rest And Stop Multitasking Joy

SPEAKER_02 9:38

And another thing I want to say is stop beating yourself up when you won't rest. Stop beating yourself up when you want to sit in silence for the day or for a few minutes before you get up to do something. Start dust doing stuff that you enjoy without multitasking. Like, like, oh, I gotta go clean up, then I gotta get the kids ready for school. And then I gotta reset the house. Allow yourself to do things that brings you back to yourself. Stop overcrowding your mind with oh, I gotta do this, I gotta do that, oh the kids need this, the kids need that, oh my parents need this, they need that, oh my husband need this, my wife needs that, you gotta stop doing that. You're only one person. And if you're doing it alone, then you maybe you should ease up and let others help. I had that problem for the longest. I always felt like I'm independent. Everything I do, I gotta do on my own. You only breaking yourself down.

Why Kiki Inspired This Talk

SPEAKER_02 11:12

And the only reason why this episode came about is because one of my friends, who I call my sisters, Kiki, said this would be the perfect episode because she was sitting back and thinking she don't feel like herself anymore after having kids. And that's very understandable about her being a stay-at-home mom. So she's always working around the clock of her kids' schedule. I love you, Kiki. This episode for you, girl. So let's jump back into it.

Reconnecting Without Rushing

SPEAKER_02 11:59

While writing bloomin' softness, one thing became very clear to me. You don't have to rush your way back to yourself. You're not starting over, you're reconnecting. The version of you that feels lost is gone. But she's still here. She needs space to be heard again. So let's stop right here and go into a part of my book is healing your inner child.

Healing Your Inner Child

SPEAKER_02 12:37

And I know a lot of people say, oh well, my childhood was this, my childhood was that. But you can't compare your childhood to everybody else's. Some of us didn't get raised with the silver spoon. Some of us had to fight to be heard, fight to be seen, fight to fit in, fight to be loved when it shouldn't be like that. So take a moment to sit down and talk to your inner child and let her know she's safe and that she can let go. If you've been lost in motherhood, I want you to hear this clearly. You are still allowed to exist outside of who you are to others, you are still allowed to grow, to change, to reconnect with yourself. Being a mother is a part of who you are, but it is not all of who you are. You are allowed to find your way back to yourself gently. Because in order in order to love your kids, you have to love yourself. You have to give yourself the same love you give them.

Closing And Subscriber Shout Out

SPEAKER_02 14:49

Thank you for being here. This is the end of episode four. I will see you guys in episode five. And shout out to my new subscriber, Derek. He is one of my first subscribers on my buzz sprout.