Disagree Better

We talk about how our all-or-nothing culture is training adults to treat disagreement like a dealbreaker, especially online. We want to model respectful dialogue because our kids are watching and they will copy how we speak about other people. 
• the growing habit of treating opposing views as “wrong” and disposable 
• how respectful disagreement strengthens our own beliefs and deepens understanding 
• finding common ground by talking to people in real life 
• separating criticism of decisions from bashing a person’s character 
• practical ways to explain values to kids without celebrating harm or violence 
If you have any questions or need a sounding board, you can message me on Instagram at BeTheirParent. And if you found this episode helpful, follow, set up automatic downloads, review, and share. I'd appreciate it. 

Transcript

Welcome And Why Adults Matter

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hi, I'm Sheila and I'm here to help you be their parent. This episode is all about us as the adults in our kids' lives.

The All Or Nothing Culture

SPEAKER_00 0:12

There seems to have been a change happening in our culture that anyone or anything we disagree with is wrong and therefore must be challenged or ignored. It seems like we've gotten to the place that now it's all or nothing with everyone. And we often see this play out on social media when someone with a large following voices an opinion that some of their followers disagree with. Then they will later mention that many followers have left, and then they often share screenshots of these same people leaving announcing their departure in the DMs. So here's my question: if the majority of what that person shares interests you and you agree with them, why would you leave over one issue?

How Disagreement Helps Everyone

SPEAKER_00 1:00

It's really important that we learn that we can disagree with others. It really is okay. In fact, it's really good for us to interact with others with differing viewpoints. And there's a few ways that it can help us. First of all, it will help us solidify our own position on an issue. As we have a discussion and we hear their reasonings, we share our reasonings, we get more comfortable with our reasons, and it often will solidify why we think that way. But on the flip side, it will also help us to better understand the other side's position and the why behind that position. And then the last reason is that in some instances, when we have this give and take, we might actually kind of start to move toward their way of thinking some, and they may come towards our way of thinking some. And it's a way that we can help to find some common ground between us. Honestly, I believe we all have way more in common than we are led to believe from everything we see online. This is why it is so important to talk to people in real life more than just on your device. It helps us remember that people around us are just that. People. When we start becoming keyboard warriors and the DMs, we get excited about the argument we think we won with our witty comment, or we see an influencer lose a bunch of followers and we celebrate, we are losing pieces of our own empathy and if you will, our own humanness, because we're no longer seeing them as people. It's just something online, and that's just not okay.

Kids Copy What They Hear

SPEAKER_00 2:46

Now, Sheila, why are you aiming this episode at the grown-ups? Because your kids are watching. Every time you make a statement against anyone in a disrespectful way, your kids hear it and they will start using that same level of disrespect towards others at some point. Anytime you celebrate the death, harm, or illness of another human based on their skin color, religion, or political ideology, you're telling your child that it is okay to hurt others we don't agree with. Violence isn't the answer. It also shows our kids that we just don't honor and respect that that's another person that has been harmed. We've got to make sure our kids understand people are people and we need to take care of each other. Now, our kids do need to hear us have discussions about differences in a way that promotes respect and an open dialogue. If I asked 100 parents to write their top three things they would want all parents to do for their children, I'm sure we would have 100 different lists. However, if we looked at them closely and had a discussion about why we chose each thing on our list, I'm sure we would come to the conclusion that most of us have the same heart towards parenting. We just come at it from different directions. And that is okay.

Speak Up Without Bashing People

SPEAKER_00 4:23

So the next time you're frustrated by your favorite YouTuber, voice the frustration in a way that shows respect toward the person, but say what they did that is frustrating. When you hear about some decision that is made by your state or federal government that you greatly disagree with, make sure your kids understand the reason why you disagree and that they don't just hear you bashing the person. We need to find a way forward that allows for differences while still being respectful. This is so important for you to example to your children. You're their first and best teacher. Your kids need you to be the person that shows them how to navigate this journey called life.

How To Reach Sheila

SPEAKER_00 5:08

If you have any questions or need a sounding board, you can message me on Instagram at BeTheirParent. And if you found this episode helpful, follow, set up automatic downloads, review, and share. I'd appreciate it.