School Readiness That Actually Matters

We share the school readiness skills that matter across all ages, from kindness in competition to knowing when to speak up about harm. We also talk about building independence so our kids can handle conflict, consequences, and problem-solving without us rushing in to fix everything. 
• practicing respectful conversations and polite requests for help 
• handling conflict with classmates and navigating teacher friction 
• balancing support with gradual self-advocacy and independence 
• letting kids struggle so they learn real problem-solving skills 
If you have any questions or need a sounding board, you can message me on Instagram at BeTheirParent. 
And if you found this episode helpful, follow setup automatic downloads, review, and share. I’d appreciate it. 

Transcript

Why School Readiness Matters

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hi, I'm Sheila, and I'm here to help you be their parent. I had the idea to do some episodes about school readiness for different levels and ages. So I asked some friends who are teachers over these different age groups, as well as friends that are now have adult children, what do kids need to know how to do at school? And I already had a few ideas of what to say for each spot, but my friends definitely came through with some great ideas that they think kids need to have to be successful in school. And then there were some that just applied to all ages. And so I've now added one more episode that would be this one. That's kind of the overarching general themes that would apply to everyone. And then I'll have it broken down for the next three based on age. So stick around for those.

Celebrate Others Without Jealousy

SPEAKER_00 0:53

So one of the things someone mentioned was that kids need to know how to genuinely celebrate someone else's win. Too often our kids are not just that they're poor losers, they just allow their disappointment to cloud the ability to say to someone else, great job, or congratulations. So helping our kids to understand that you can be disappointed that you didn't win or you didn't get the best score, but you can also be kind and encourage the friend that did and tell them congratulations. And then the more our kids do that, then hopefully maybe that rubs off on some others so that they will do it back, right?

Reporting Harm Versus Tattling

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Also, we need to help our kids to understand what issues they absolutely need to report to an adult right away and not become a tattletale, but also help them to see that it's important to do and not worry about being labeled a snitch, right? It there's the two extremes. Either kids think that if they tell, they're a snitch, and then there's the kids who think they have to tell on every little thing. So teach your kids that it's those things that are causing harm to someone else, whether they're being hurt physically, or if someone is being really mean with their words and help our kids to see it's really important that they let adults know. Oftentimes kids know far quicker and sooner than the adults do. So if our kids would step up and let us know, then it's much easier for us to step in and take care of situations and hopefully bring some resolution for the child that's being hurt.

Find Trusted Adults And Ask Well

SPEAKER_00 2:31

All right. And then another thing I would encourage you to help your kids to figure out is a trusted adult at school. You know, my kids would tell us lots of things that happened, but a lot of the things that they need help with at school, sometimes it's based on how the school functions. And if we're not there to see the ins and outs, then it's kind of hard for us to offer some solutions and suggestions. So if they have a teacher at school that they truly trust, and then they can go to them and say, I'm having a hard time with this, and it's totally a school-related topic, and they that's the teacher that can get them some help, then that is a good thing for them to have. Now, granted, not every building they're gonna find that person, but you know, have them on the lookout for it. And then that helps our kids to see that there are grown-ups out there that are worthy of our trust, and we just have to be on the lookout for them. Teach our kids how to have respectful conversations with the adults, whether it's that they're getting in trouble, they need to know how to respond appropriately and not just get defensive. Um, and that they also need to be able to ask an adult respectfully for help. You know, teachers don't take well to whining and demands, but when we are asked in a polite way, hey, I really need help with this, we are always willing to jump in. And quite honestly, we're willing to jump in and help in any situation. It's just it's so much nicer when they are asked in an appropriate way, respectfully, than just demanding and whining.

Handling Conflict With Kids And Teachers

SPEAKER_00 4:07

Um, and then helping our kids to handle conflict and that whole thing of you're not going to get along with everybody in life. Now, here's a couple of things to think about. If it's another student, just ensure it's not a bullying situation in any direction, and then help your kid to see this is an opportunity for growth in them to be able to handle the situation and be the bigger person. Now, if it's between them and the teacher, again, meet with the teacher, try to gauge what's going on. And if it's purely a personality conflict, then encourage your child to just try their best, be polite and respectful, and come out on the other side. Now, if it's an issue where the teacher is really targeting your child, then I would absolutely, you know, advocate for you to advocate for your child to get moved to another class. Now, that I don't think happens as often, but it does happen. Um, I do think that we need to help our kids to understand in life, there's going to be people that they don't get along with. And in the safety of school and with your help and support, this is a great place for them to learn how to manage that in not necessarily an easier way, but in a way that they are supported. And if it got to the point that it really wasn't good, you could jump in and help them out. So helping them to see this is just a part of life and that they can do it, it's just a matter of us not getting in the way and giving them the opportunity to do it. Now,

Stop Over-Rescuing Build Independence

SPEAKER_00 5:55

here's the thing with just about everything in life: it's all about balance. We want to empower our kids to be able to advocate for themselves, but that's a gradual release over time. However, we have too many parents that do it all for their kids. And it's causing kids to not be able to function and handle situations when their parents aren't around. You know, you're not gonna have your little darling still living with you when they're 35 married with kids, so that you can help intervene and make things smooth between them and their spouse. If you think that's a great idea, then you need to maybe talk to a professional because I'm just saying that that's not healthy. Your kids need to be an adult and be on their own when they're that age married with kids. Um, so helping them to learn these things now while they're kids is so important. Your kids do need to know that you have their backs and that they can tell you anything anytime, and especially if it's something that makes them feel scared or uncomfortable, whether it's something that's happening at school or anywhere that they are, that they're not with you, that they need to know that they can call you, text you, tell you as soon as they are with you that something is not right and that you are going to help to make sure it becomes right, or that you're gonna keep them out of that situation.

Responsibility Consequences And Feedback

SPEAKER_00 7:18

Um, teach your kids to be responsible for themselves and their actions. Help them to learn that they need to be honest about their strengths and weaknesses, that they need to know how to accept constructive criticism. They also need to know how to accept consequences, whether it's something that's given to them by a coach or a teacher, or it's natural consequences, like they forgot their lunch at home again, and you're like, well, you're gonna figure it out. You're just gonna have to eat the lunch at school, whether you like it or not. And those types of things that I know some people say, that's just mean. No, it's helping them to learn to be responsible for themselves.

Let Kids Struggle To Problem Solve

SPEAKER_00 7:56

Um, another really important thing that many of my friends mentioned is that our kids need to know how to struggle to solve problems. Too often parents jump in and try to help them to solve it right away. That's not helping our kids. They need to struggle with it for a bit to help them to learn how to problem solve. And the only way to learn how to do that is by actually having to solve problems and then understanding that even if they pick a path and it fails, it's really okay because as long as they're learning from it, the next time they'll choose differently. And that is learning and that is growth. And we want that in our kids. So, all of these things our kids need to be able to be successful adults and students in school.

Encouragement And How To Connect

SPEAKER_00 8:44

Um, but just understand they're not going to be able to do all of this perfectly that, you know, when they start kindergarten. This is a process, and you are the right person to help them to learn all of this. As you encourage them, as you help them to figure things out, as you give them examples of what to do or not do, you are the one that's really helping them to become the adult that they are going to be. So keep working at it, keep helping them do all the things so that they can be that successful student. If you have any questions or need a sounding board, you can message me on Instagram at BeTheirParent. And if you found this episode helpful, follow setup automatic downloads, review, and share. I'd appreciate it.