When To Start Potty Training And Some Tips

We cut through the noise around kindergarten potty training and lay out a clear, realistic timeline for when most kids are ready to learn. We also talk honestly about social stigma, resistance, and simple strategies that help you follow through without turning it into a daily power struggle. 

• typical readiness window around ages 2.5 to 3.5 and what “average” really means 
• setting up the bathroom with the right seat plus some entertainment ideas
• positive reinforcement ideas including the reward hack for breaking a plateau 

If you have any questions or need a sounding board, you can message me on Instagram at Be Their Parent. And if you found this episode helpful, follow, set up automatic downloads, review, and share. I'd appreciate it. 

Transcript

Kindergarten Expectations And The Debate

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hi, I'm Sheila, and I'm here to help you be their parent. There's a lot being said on social media about kids being potty trained by kindergarten. And I do believe there's a lot to unpack with that. And then that starts the whole debate. And I'm not about starting a debate. I just want to give some information and some perspective on the appropriate time to potty train. Because honestly, I think schools need to keep the requirement that they should be potty trained by kindergarten unless there's a documented reason, such as a medical issue or a cognitive delay. All right.

Costs And The Social Stigma

SPEAKER_00 0:38

And the part that I haven't quite figured out is hearing that there are more kids entering school that aren't potty trained, is that I would think most parents would want to get their kids potty trained so that they didn't have to keep paying for diapers and pull-ups. I mean, I know those are really expensive. And so that's the part I have yet to wrap my head around of why they're not in a hurry to get that done. And then I also started wondering why parents aren't considering the social stigma that could affect their child if they go to school in diapers or pull-ups and they have to be changed at school. Because I'm sure some of these parents either knew someone or they themselves were a kid that couldn't do sleepovers or camp because they wet the bed. And that is a different scenario for that kind of social stigma. And yet that exists because you couldn't do the things that everybody else was doing because you wet the bed. And this is even more blatant because you're sitting in a classroom and you have to get your diaper changed. Everybody's gonna know. There's no hiding it or sneaking it. And so I just don't know if parents are even thinking about that when they're waiting to potty train their child. I mean, have you ever been with a group of kids or in a classroom when one child farts? Oh my word, everyone laughs, they all point. A lot of my students would pull up their shirt to cover their nose so that they wouldn't have to smell it. I can only imagine what will happen if they're sitting in a classroom and a child poops their diaper. That this is not good for that child's emotional well-being if everybody keeps making fun of them. And that's not fair to them. Um, and I just I'm still just trying to figure this out.

Why Parents Wait And What Helps

SPEAKER_00 2:32

So I was trying to think of some reasons. Maybe why aren't we doing this? Like, I I don't, I don't know. So I thought of it and I was like, well, maybe parents think they're too busy. And I do understand that there are a lot of things, a lot of us are juggling. However, generations have been busy. Like, there's a lot of things that everybody's doing. Parents of kids in the 80s and 90s, they were working, they did sports with their kids, you know, they had other activities that they themselves did, even into the 2000s, 2010s. Like we're all busy, and yet the majority of our culture is potty trained. So that says it's doable and you can get it done. So I don't know that that's the right excuse. And then I'm sure that there are some parents that maybe are saying, Well, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to potty train. Same. When I needed to potty train my first kid, I'd never done it before. First kid, you know, like you have to try, and it is trial and error. And that one in particular, all the books said, you know, make sure they sit on the potty every hour. And we got into a power struggle because the child had a bladder of steel, and she really only had to go like four or five times a day, not several times throughout the day. And so once we got that figured out and it quit being the power struggle, we did fine. But that's trial and error. That's trying, and then we were successful. And I'm gonna say, for me personally, potty training was my least favorite thing to teach my kids, milestones for them to go through, whatever you want to call it. Least favorite. Do not recommend. No, don't want to. But it's a life school everybody needs. And so we need to teach them. There are very few kids that will just train themselves. They do exist, they are. I I didn't know of a friend that she pretty much potty trained herself at like 18 months. It does happen, but that is very rare. It takes work on the grown-up's part to make this happen. And so I'm gonna be real blunt here.

Readiness Ages And Diagnoses

SPEAKER_00 4:42

Unless there's a medical reason or a cognitive reason, kids should be potty trained by three and a half. Now, the average, when you look at medical and child developmental books and websites and whatever, they're gonna say most kids are developmentally ready to potty train between two and a half and three and a half. Now that's average. Like I said, there are some that get potty trained before two and a half, and there's some that may take up to age four, but the average is right there in the middle. And so it's okay if you're at one end or the other, but your kids should be potty trained around three to three and a half. That that's just the right timing for it. And I know that there are more kids who are receiving more diagnoses now. And I just want to caution parents that just because there's a diagnosis, that doesn't mean you just toss all books aside and all milestones and say, well, my kid can't do that. I get it. That there are conditions that that's absolutely the case. You need to toss it because you don't need that pressure on you. But there's a lot of things that neurodivergent kids can still do close to that average. And you need to ask your doctor or the child's care team and say, look, what would be the appropriate time for me to start talking about potty training with them? What can we do? You know, what do what do you think may work? Those are things to have that conversation with them to help find what would be appropriate for your child and not just throw your hands up and give up just because they have a diagnosis. Now, a lot of kids are resistant. I get it. I do. But often once they've tried it out and they've been successful sometimes, they start to realize it feels so much better than having the mess. So then they are a little more cooper cooperative.

Training Methods That Fit Your Home

SPEAKER_00 6:37

Um, so I'm just gonna give you a few ideas, some things to think about. I am not an expert by no means, because like I said, I don't like it. Um, but I can give you some directions or maybe some things for you to do some research on that could help you find the right path to take for your child. There are some people who swear by stripping your kid down, letting them run around naked in the house, pretty much you just stay home for two or three days and you just play and potty, play and potty, like that's it. And then it's done and over with. I never tried that, so I can't say, but I do have friends that did and they loved it. So teach their own, right? Um, some people suggest a more systematic way where you're setting timers, you're making them go every so often, and all that that is. That's fine too. Um, there's people that will say just put them all the way in regular underwear to start with, and then there's others like, no, pull-ups are fine, you know, just fine. Bottom line, do what works for you. I hated cleaning up messes. So we did pull-ups, and I know some ways that delayed some things, but I didn't want to have to clean up pee off my floor all day. So I went that route. But again, each their own, find what works for you. Um, and you can look at websites or books that maybe you've already gotten some solid advice on for your child up till now for what they say about potty training. Ask friends and family what what worked for you, what didn't work for you. Um, also understand each child's going to be different. Um, because you also have to have the equipment, right? Either a little potty chair or the little insert that sits on the toilet. Um, I had one kid that did great with the potty chair, and then I had another kid that hated it. And then once we got the little insert, they were super successful. So it was just personality and what worked for them. And so you, it's trial and error. You you just have to keep trying till you find the thing that works, and then you can go from there.

Bathroom Tools And No Screen Rule

SPEAKER_00 8:38

Now, I recommend having something in the bathroom to help entertain them. So it could be some books, it could be bubbles. I don't recommend screens, not because I'm completely anti-screen. I'm more about what they're watching on the screen is the bigger issue, but nonetheless. Um, the thing is with screens, we all, even as grownups, tend to lose track of time. And the thing is, you don't need them sitting for a really long time. You only need them to sit for a couple minutes to just kind of relax. That's why books, bubbles, those things work great. So if you are super disciplined with screen time and you're gonna say, we're gonna watch this video for two minutes, start it at two minutes, you end it and then you move on. Great. Go ahead and use the screen. That's fine. But if it's gonna turn into they're sitting there for 15 minutes, they don't need to sit on the potty that long. That that's not good for them. Um, and then I'd also recommend that you trade things up. If you find some different things that work for you that will keep them sitting, change it up. And then as they get successful and they are being, you know, less wet, less poopy in their diaper, and they realize the potty is a good thing, you won't need those things to keep them entertained for much longer because they're gonna want to go to the bathroom because that helps it to feel cleaner and better, right?

Rewards Bribery And The Closing Push

SPEAKER_00 10:03

Um, I personally use bribery for my children. I that was our positive reinforcement. Um, I gave out stickers, I did Hot Wheels cars, we did MMs, we did Skittles, we did runs, specifically the banana flavor. They still make them. I looked because I was like, I don't think I've seen runs since I potty trained that kid, but they're still out there. Um and I did. I gave it to them when they were successful, and it's that positive reinforcement. If you're not into bribery, that's fine. You just have to do something else that is positive reinforcement that your child will respond well to to encourage them to continue trying. Now, I did hear a brilliant parenting hack recently that I wished I would have had when my kids were body training. And it's if you're gonna use bribery, and it could work a couple of ways. You could do it from the very beginning, when you first start, as that incentive for them to see, oh, you can get this when you are successful. Or you can just wait and see how it goes. And then if you hit kind of a plateau with it and you think your kid's just being stubborn, you could maybe use this to kind of break through that plateau. And it's this when they are successful on the potty, you give them their reward. If they're not good and they mess their diapers and you have to change their diaper, you get the reward. Brilliant. I'm just saying, brilliant. Um, so you decide what works best for you, bribery or not. I just some positive reinforcement is going to go a long way to help. And I know potty training is tricky, but you do have to do it. Your child is counting on you to be the grown-up that helps them to learn things so they can be a successful adult. They need to learn these things in the appropriate time so that they don't face the social stigma. And you can do this. Keep up the good work. You're not going to regret investing in your kids. They are so very worth it.

Questions Instagram And Support The Show

SPEAKER_00 12:11

If you have any questions or need a sounding board, you can message me on Instagram at BeTheirParent. And if you found this episode helpful, follow, set up automatic downloads, review, and share. I'd appreciate it.