We break down how introverts, extroverts, and ambiverts show up in kids so we can parent what is real instead of what we wish were true. We share simple ways to help children use their strengths, handle social stress, and build confidence without forcing a personality change. • recognising introverts, extroverts and ambiverts in daily life • balancing support with healthy challenge, especially for introverted kids • teaching extroverted kids to read the room and share attention
If you have any questions or need a sounding board, you can message me on Instagram at BeTheirParent. If you found this episode helpful, follow, set up automatic downloads, review, and share. I'd appreciate it.
Hi, I'm Sheila, and I'm here to help you be their parent. Last week we talked about the different traits of extroverts and introverts. There are also ambiverts that can go back and forth between the two with ease. We also know that extroverts are usually praised as the better one, but really we need both. If we were all extroverts, I think life would be really chaotic. And if we were all introverts, I think life would be kind of dull. And I can say that because I am mostly an introvert.
Now, the tricky part is figuring out how our kids are wired. We need to let them lean into their strengths of their personality type, but also challenge them some. The hard part is that it is often the introverted kid that gets pushed more to change than the extroverted kid. So we need to find a balance of both types to use their traits as strengths and give them some tools to overcome any challenges they may have. We need to allow our introverted kids the opportunity to recharge alone when appropriate. Now, safety is definitely a thing, right? We always want them to be safe, but giving them that chance to just regroup and pull it together will go a long way in helping
them to continue on. And if it comes down to things, so let's talk about a couple of examples to help them. If they're standing back and watching the kids at a party and the kids are doing an activity and your kid is just kind of standing there watching them before they fully engage, that's okay. Sometimes they need to observe and see what is happening, get the lay of the land before they jump in. And so if that's the case, we don't need to force the issue. They will engage when they're comfortable. However, if you're starting to see a pattern that they only ever watch and they rarely engage, then you don't want them to get left behind. And so this would be a good time for you to maybe coach them ahead of going to a party or any activity maybe at school, like a back to school night, whatever it may be. Um, and just talk about, you know, it's okay to watch for a little bit, but you do need to give it a try because sometimes you don't really know if you can or can't do it until you try. And part of the experience of doing it can be a lot of fun. And sometimes that's just all that they
need. But another time that this could be something that gets a little overwhelming for them is think about family vacations. If you go to one of the Disney parks, your kids are gonna love it, introverted or not, right? They're gonna love being there. Now, are they gonna interact with all of the characters? Probably not, but they're still gonna enjoy themselves. But at the end of the day, they are gonna be drained. So finding somewhere along the day, like maybe a quiet corner that you sit them, you could sit by them, but maybe like give them headphones so they can listen to some music that they're not having to interact and they can just be would go a long way in helping them out. And also, you know, think about family reunions, right? You're with your family. They, you know that they love seeing everybody, their cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, whatever. But again, it's kind of draining. So giving them an opportunity to be safely alone would help them out so much.
Now, our extroverted kids, we're not really gonna have to push them too much when it comes to social settings, right? Like they're gonna be in the thick of it. At a birthday party, they are gonna be out there having a great time doing whatever the activity is. However, they do need to be taught how to read the room to rein in their excitement and enthusiasm when necessary. So, for example, what if you're at a memorial service, right? And it gets done and you're part of the friends and family group that maybe does a meal together afterwards, and it's a less formal time of a memorial service, right? The service is done. This is now for friends and family. This is still not the time for your child to want to be or try to be the center of attention. There is a time and place for them to shine, absolutely. But at a memorial service dinner or the middle of a store, or even okay, at a birth kid's birthday party. That's their friend's party. This party is for their friend. That is not a time for them to seek attention. This is a time for their friend. So you need to teach them the difference and that they can just be one of the kids in the room without being the star.
And it would be a good idea to help your kids as they get older to know the names and descriptions of extroverts, introverts, and ambiverts, just so they know what those terms are and what some of the traits are. And because a lot of times that leads to their strengths and it does lead to some challenges. So to remind them that they're that these traits, they're never an excuse to behave inappropriately, to be rude to someone, but it is part of what makes them them. And it is important to understand that part of themselves. Like the more we can understand and get what makes us tick, the better off we are. And it would go a long way to help them out in a classroom setting. If they are extroverted, it may help them to better understand that quiet, shy kid in class. They might look at them differently and be willing to step in and help protect them if others are picking on them for being quiet and shy. That would be huge for that kid. Now, if your kid is the quiet kid and they would rather die than have to do another group project, by understanding what makes them tick, they might feel more confident to say to a teacher, you know what? I really lean on the introverted side of life, and group projects really stress me out. Could I do this project maybe with just one person instead of a group of five? You know, the teacher might consider that. You know, it it's a it's a 50-50, right? If I were a teacher and somebody said that to me, I truly would probably let them do it if I could make that happen. But, you know, it it is what it is. I I can't say that for sure it would fix everything in every classroom, but it could help. But just helping them to know this so that they can advocate for themselves would go a long way to giving them more confidence in their skills. And the more we can help them to understand, the more it's gonna help them to be more tolerant of other people and their personality types. And often, you know, opposites attract. I'm very much an introvert, my husband's very much an extrovert, and here we are. Um, but you know, if they understand those differences and how to best work with them, that'd go away, a long way in helping them with their relationship with their spouse. And the bottom line is we all want our kids to be the best that they can be, but we need to be mindful that not everything can be changed, or that we can't teach them everything to make them the most successful, popular, charismatic. We just can't. They are who they are. We can help them, and we can help them with their challenges, but we also need to teach them to lean into those strengths that make them them, and really that will help them to be successful in the most wonderful, positive way.
If you have any questions or need a sounding board, you can message me on Instagram at BeTheir Parent. If you found this episode helpful, follow, set up automatic downloads, review, and share. I'd appreciate it.
