Episode 12: We Started a Podcast... And Then What?

Episode 12: We Started a Podcast... And Then What?

When we first turned the mics on a few months ago, we had a plan: share some stories, offer some analytical advice, and figure out this whole fatherhood thing together. We didn't anticipate that talking about being dads would actually become a form of unintended therapy.

In the Season 1 Finale of Dad And Then What, we are putting the scripts aside and taking a hard look at what this experiment has actually done to us as men and fathers. We are breaking down the specific moments where we almost quit, the topics that hit us way harder than we expected, and the ultimate accountability check: Has doing this show actually made us better partners and dads at home, or is it just talk?

In this episode, we get into:

• Expectations vs. Reality: Why we actually decided to start this show, the friction of hitting record, and our early doubts.
• The Unintended Therapy: The heavy weight of the "roommate phase" and mental health, and what it felt like to verbalize the struggles we didn't know we were carrying.
• Season 1 Core Takeaways: Our top 4 messy, real-world lessons from the past three months—and the dad-struggles we are currently still failing at.
• The "Unsaid" Segment: The one thing each of us held back, sugar-coated, or were too afraid to admit during the earlier episodes, but are finally ready to say now.

THE SEASON 2 BLUEPRINT – We are taking a strict 30-day pause, but we are not disappearing—we are upgrading. When we return for Season 2, we are bringing you a physical studio, full video formats, 1-to-1.5 hour deep-dive conversations, and actual guests.

Your Homework: During this break, we need you to build Season 2 with us. Send us a DM or email with the specific friction points, dad-struggles, or questions you want us to tackle when we get back.

Thank you for an incredible Season 1. Listen to the finale now, and we'll see you in 30 days.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What is that and then what it going to become?

SPEAKER_03 0:04

I have listened to some podcasts before, but I never saw myself as a podcaster. And honestly, that was never really the actual idea. It was more like a shell, so to say.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

A shell for wrapping some real world stuff as a dad into some conversation we could reflect on, first of all, and hopefully there was a little there was a little wish that uh one day one listener could actually relate and and and use it for something uh if they were becoming a father or or were going around with the same thoughts and and struggles, if you can say so.

SPEAKER_03 0:51

Exactly. And at the same time, I also feel it was a conversation that we and especially I needed as a father in my own journey to develop to be become the person I actually want to be as well.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

That is very interesting when when you say it like that, because from when we started and actually got the idea to to when we sat and had the first conversations and were doing the episodes, I had no idea exactly what you said, the impact it would have on me as a person, partner, as a father. It it have been without question one of the most valuable uh reflecti reflecting sessions, if you can say so, yeah. Um for for myself and and and I think for my my partner and my kids too. Definitely. Yeah. What about you?

SPEAKER_03 1:54

Well, of course, as I mentioned, it definitely was the convers conversation that I really needed and wanted to have as well, and I can really mirror what you said to my own personal life as well, that it has definitely affected on my relationship with my wife, with my family, and with my son as well. I'm able to be more transparent, especially about the things that are running through my own head, and also I have gotten great, great insight about the things that I definitely misjudged when I became a parent.

SPEAKER_00 2:41

I think exactly as you mentioned that it has had the impact from before, where you are kind of having an idea about what it is to be a father, what what you want it to be to be a father, uh compared to real life situations and and and and learning, and that has been probably one of the biggest surprises for me. Um of course the whole thing with with looking at a kid which is, as we talked about earlier, a direct mirror of yourself and and your good and bad habits. But to be able to move on such a short time, but such a great distance in self-development, I don't think I would be able to do it without these conversations and without reflecting so much about the subjects we have been diving into. Exactly. So when we started that and then what uh I had a few realizations about what it became or what it could become in in my head already. What was your like biggest expectations versus what we are sitting with at the moment?

SPEAKER_03 3:59

My first expectation was that this would be about sharing our own perspectives, maybe getting a little bit self-reflection at the same time, but it became something completely else. It turned out to be about being honest and being being honest to who? To myself, to my family, to people around me, and of course that continues along these conversations that we keep having as well.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

So before when you were saying that you kind of had to be honest, uh first of all to yourself, I can reflect in that too. But from that time to now, what what what did you feel that you wasn't honest about?

SPEAKER_03 4:53

I feel that I wasn't completely ab uh completely honest to myself regarding my my own goals as being a parent. Because when I became a father, I thought that I wanted to plan everything ahead and that I would had have to control everything that is happening aro around me at the same time. Control how? Sorry. Control how control in sort of a way that I I would need to almost like playing chess, you know, that I make one move, the life makes the other move, and I always had to be almost on my toes to know that something unexpected is about to happen.

SPEAKER_00 5:45

But what about like in in an everyday situation, what what could that be? If you should take like an everyday situation from that time where you try to control the chessboard till now where you're actually letting a little more loose or or is not that focused?

SPEAKER_03 6:03

Something everyday. That's a very, very good question, so to say. For example, one good thing is that when I'm working and planning the future life for my family, is that I might not be present all the time mentally, that I'm so caught in my own mind and focusing on the future plans that I forget to be present with the family in in cases where we might have it have some lunch together or dinner together or we might be talking about some everyday things, and even though I'm physically present in the moment, my mind is somewhere else. But now that I'm able to accept the chaos much better, and I don't feel like I need to be in control of so many things, I'm actually able to free my mind, I'm actually able to be mentally present much better than before.

SPEAKER_00 7:07

I think we all like can resonate a little to waking up in the morning and uh you're kind of in a nightmare state, and uh you think the the only thought going through your head is like, Did I send that email? Yeah, you know, like it's like um but but yeah, uh it it it totally uh resonates and and and for your own sake, of course, also for the family's sake, especially the kids, it's never nice to be with a person. Uh we can take an example. My wife sometimes sits and plays with her phone, um and I know she there there's it's not because she don't want to be there, but she's trying to escape the thoughts just going with 150 miles per hour if she has a big assignment or something like this, and that also, of course, affects her at home. And she sits and scrolling on her phone, but like you said, she's not present, she's in in her own mind, in her own thoughts. There is something going on where she's supposed to be present, yeah. Um, and that also back to the the the previous episode. I talked a little about I have this rule where 80 to 90 percent of the time nobody's perfect, but trying not to be with my phone when the kids is there, yeah. Uh because I also have a partner that is maybe a little bit more than uh necessary on her phone, and that's uh that I can see that from the outside. So I have a good uh reminder in that to to to like kind of uh try to keep myself uh totally off it. I think that if my kids have to ask me to get off my phone, I lost the moment.

SPEAKER_03 8:53

Yeah, exactly, exactly. That breaks the moment in a in a different way, completely. And of course I understand it must be a way to unwind from a day to do some scrolling on the phone and really focus on some nice things, but if it happens in a wrong time, even accidentally, it's a good thing to talk about, what do you think?

SPEAKER_00 9:17

Absolutely. But I mean we all have uh days where we go home and we are like supposed to do some actual work, yeah, and we ending up with a nice uh bowl of ice cream and uh some Netflix on the sofa, and and and that is that that I think happens to almost everyone. That happens time to time. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 9:36

Yes, and of course we try to aim for a good, but sometimes these small unexpected things happen, and at the same time, of course, it's very beautiful because in in my personal opinion, some of the most beautiful things in the world are unexpected, so to say.

SPEAKER_00 9:54

Agreed, agreed. I think we both can agree that that, and then what started as one thing quickly became uh these uh stories about being a dad, real talk, real conversation about our own life and reflection, uh which have already helped us. But has over the episodes till now, episode 12, we have had our ups, we have had our downs uh throughout the the whole thing. And uh one of the big things I would say we have been kind of withholding a bit is where we are recording location-wise from.

SPEAKER_03 10:33

Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_00 10:34

Um and it's no secret that we are not in in in Finland, Denmark, or Europe. Uh, we are currently in Thailand. Yeah. And have been recording from uh Asia. Uh think we are up on six different locations so far.

SPEAKER_03 10:48

Pretty much, pretty much, and it has been so interesting to see how the setups change and how the podcast grows and how the conversations are getting better.

SPEAKER_00 11:01

We have uh we have big news. We uh actually uh finally found a location where we probably gonna forward uh stay. Uh we are currently working on getting the studio set up for uh for full use. We're sitting recording here today, which is uh kind of amazing. Uh we've also been promising a lot of things to you listeners. There have been uh a lot uh we have gone through, and thank you for that. Uh one of the biggest um one of the biggest and and and many time mentions things was the camera. Yeah. Um we we are currently not in a position where we could uh both location wise and setup wise manage to uh to do live uh video or video recordings, but we are now, and uh we have really great news, even though it's a little bit sad that this is the last episode of season one, but uh from episode one of season two, we will come back and we will be on camera so you guys finally get to see us every time we are recording, and it has been a great journey throughout the season one, definitely, and I'm very glad to see the feedback we got from our listeners and the stories that we got from our friends as well.

SPEAKER_03 12:27

And and looking back, like we had two great stories from our great friends Mark and Axel.

SPEAKER_00 12:37

It's Mark and Axel, uh, who definitely uh had something to say. It was not as they expected at all. Um it was how uh what you can call it uh how naturally uh everything changed. Marky was under the impression that uh it was a sacrifice, but it it it wasn't. Uh it he said it felt like r reprioritizing what actually matters. Yeah. And that resonates like a lot. Axel, on the other hand, he felt the the weight straight away. It was the practical stuff, the weight of responsibilities, the constant awareness, and always have to think ahead, like we talked about uh with with the chess uh walking on eggshells, if you could say. Absolutely. But but the funny thing is that mentally they both felt exactly the same shift at as we also have have talked about. Uh Mark he he describes it as like unlocking uh this extra dead gear. Superpower. Superpower. It's like when you push harder, uh you don't push for yourself anymore. Um but you you you you do it because someone actually now depends on you. On the other hand, Axl felt it like this constant awareness, uh checking at light, making sure everything is okay, and he was even going to check his son if he was breathing, and it's like like this over anxiety uh pressure. And I would say that that switch hits probably most first-time parents. That happened to me as well. Exactly, me too. But it never really turns completely off. No. You you you you kind of stop thinking only about yourself and start realizing everything you do is suddenly shaping this child, your child. Of course, there are things you you you miss. We also talked about this with freedom, the spontaneity, friends and family, especially here when we are in Asia, we we miss them back home. Yeah. Um it's it's only of uh certain occasions uh we can either travel home or they come here. But in the end, what you gain and they actually also agreed, is both meaningful and and and and is much more than what you give up on.

SPEAKER_03 15:11

Absolutely. And I think that's definitely one of the most important things as well in the whole exchange, if you could say.

SPEAKER_00 15:20

And we have been through a lot of topics uh in in the past 11 episodes. Which topic would you say that like kind of hit you the most or like resonated the most?

SPEAKER_03 15:33

You're never fully ready. Being ready is not something you you can plan ahead.

SPEAKER_01 15:45

I think being ready is a mindset. That's interesting.

SPEAKER_00 15:52

That's very interesting. And when you say mindset, what what mindset would you need to have to be fully ready?

SPEAKER_03 16:00

You really need to devote yourself for the thing that you're jumping into. For example, if I am saying I'm ready to have the kid right now, it means I'm willing to take the responsibility, I'm willing to sacrifice for some other things in exchange to gain something else that I really want to have with this readiness, so so to say.

SPEAKER_00 16:28

So sacrificing your own needs above someone else. A little bit, yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

What what about yourself?

SPEAKER_00 16:41

With all the reflections we have been making and and the conversations, what hit me the hardest absolutely without any comparison is the truth of looking in the mirror and see yourself in a an honest light instead of uh like we talked about earlier, this different version that you had prepared yourself to be before. And then you realize that you have to completely strip down to to one hundred percent nakedness, honesty, and throughout the reflection of your kids, throughout looking yourself in the eyes in the mirror, figuring out what it is you actually need to do in concrete daily actions, small things with when when nobody looks, that's where you defined, and that's where you are judged, and that's where you are becoming the father, the man, the partner you actually want to be deep down. And before you do that, you will always just be a shadow of that or uh a different version than uh than you actually truly want to become.

SPEAKER_03 17:59

Yeah. And have you had some actual not to say training sessions with with yourself to improve in that, but some sort of tips or tricks that you have been using to really catch yourself when you're either improving or structure because you become uh the the the guide, the compass, the planner, you're the captain.

SPEAKER_00 18:26

Uh life is not happening to you, but life is happening with your instructions or your structure or your um direction, if uh you can say so.

SPEAKER_03 18:39

I understand what you mean.

SPEAKER_00 18:40

Uh the other thing is starting figuring out what it is I really want.

SPEAKER_02 18:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:49

Deep down behind having a good health and having kids and having uh the status of marriage and being a hard worker and uh being a business owner or whatever it is, like these are all labels and dreams we are fed when we are very young. Yes. Everyone wants a Ferrari or a Porsche or whatever it is when when you are at a certain age. But realizing that both money, cars, positions, and labels you can put on your private life is is is not what matters at all.

SPEAKER_03 19:32

That's very true. And I actually there's something I really want to comment on that as well. That my whole understanding of a term being rich, so to say, has changed upside down throughout becoming a parent. As you mentioned, when we have been kids and when we have been growing up, it has been being the idea of having Ferraris, a lot of money, etc. But now when I have kids, I have a beautiful wife to come home to. That's the true richness, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_01 20:34

I totally agree on that. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 20:41

But you know, now that there has been a lot of different topics and a lot of different thoughts uh throughout them, uh how have them changed you, changed you as as a person, for example? Had have these conversations made you better communicator at home? Have they have them have they created pressure when you are being listened or watched or how how you feel?

SPEAKER_00 21:15

It has created some areas of the communication both with my kids and my partners that I have been more aware of, which have then created uh more space for it, I would say. Um so, yes, definitely in a positive direction, I have been able to both reflect, think about, research, implement, and try a lot of things uh in in that regard. Yeah. Uh it could be simple stuff as how do you teach your kids uh to be uh humble or how can you Like um make your partner feel uh comfortable and listen to, even though it's might not be the most interesting topic for yourself and and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_03 22:13

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 22:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:14

But yeah, those are very good, very good thoughts regarding about them. And for myself, as I mentioned before, it was definitely becoming more honest to myself and therefore people around me as well. And when we started recording the first few episodes, I definitely felt the pressure of being listened, being watched, so to say, but that actually gave me even more motivation to dive into my own head, my own thoughts, and bring out these very, very nice conversations, especially with you.

SPEAKER_00 22:51

Definitely, and uh vice versa. To come with uh some some some really good news, what's gonna happen in season two? Yes. Absolutely. We are waiting with uh big uh anticipation and not just getting on camera. That is of course uh something that we have been talking and waiting on for a long time. Um we have also been talking about uh making uh some summaries and some small um content creations which is uh in the cooking. Yes. And uh furthermore, which is probably the biggest um what do you call it when it's not a realization, it's uh the biggest um reveal. Reveal, so so to say? The biggest reveal for uh season two is that we are not only being recording episodes with me and Daniel, we are also uh in a few of the episodes bringing on some very interesting guests.

SPEAKER_03 24:02

Yes, sir, and those stories are definitely worth of hearing as well. So make sure that you're gonna stay tuned for the season two as well, because now before that, we are going to take a small break to plan out the upcoming episodes and making sure that everything is set up in the way as we want it to be for you guys.

SPEAKER_00 24:29

Yes. So about a month, one and a half month break time, and then we're coming back. There will be a few changes, there will be probably a little bit longer waits between the episodes, but we're gonna compensate that a little bit by making the episodes a bit longer too. Yes. Um one thing we realize from watching podcasts ourselves is that a really good podcast is something where you can see, you can listen, of course it's interesting, uh the content, but when it's finished, you want more.

SPEAKER_03 25:07

Definitely.

SPEAKER_00 25:08

And that's definitely what we're gonna aim after to hit that sweet spot where we can make it uh more interesting. We have been talking a lot. We have been sharing our own realizations, our own stories as dad. We also have been hearing a lot uh about other people's stories, but in season two, it's not gonna be us talking, it's gonna be us listening.

SPEAKER_03 25:34

Yes, it's our time to take a small step back and tune in for the listening and learning at the same time. Season one definitely was us finding our voice. And uh for all of you guys, if you have listened this far already, you're part of this conversation, you're a part of that and then what?

SPEAKER_00 25:57

Absolutely, and it would be uh joy to read everything that you send in. Then I was thinking something.

SPEAKER_03 26:05

Yeah?

SPEAKER_00 26:06

What what what what have you felt like from season from episode one, sorry, from episode one till now, what have been like the hardest moment for you?

SPEAKER_03 26:19

Regarding uh doing the podcast or being a father or I would say regarding like the the podcast. Maybe the hardest thing has been not sharing the stories because I definitely love to talk about them and do self-reflection and listen and learn at the same time. But maybe the most maybe the hardest part has been really accepting my own misconceptions and misjudgments from my earlier versions of myself to the moments where we have been talking about them through throughout the episodes, if that makes any sense.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

Yeah, that definitely, definitely. So so you correct me if I'm wrong, but when we have been reflecting and talking about it on the podcast, you have been having uh in a good way, but a hard time accepting that that change is actually something happening.

SPEAKER_03 27:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 27:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:31

Yes, so to say, even though I can definitely feel it and I can feel it in the most positive way, it's a hard pill to swallow. Absolutely. So so to say. But I I think self-growth and development comes in in steps. Sometimes the steps are smaller and easier to take, and sometimes they are much bigger and harder to take. And on on those bigger steps, it's definitely there's definitely work to do.

SPEAKER_00 28:06

Absolutely. So guys, we're a work in progress, just so you know.

SPEAKER_03 28:12

Yes, but that was a very good question, and thank you for that. But I have to throw the ball back to you now with the exactly same thing because I would like to know what has been the hardest part for you throughout this pot this podcast.

SPEAKER_00 28:29

I would say two things. The excitement of not getting it done quick enough uh has been hard for me. Um because the time has been so small. We have been talking about this before, but we are full-time workers, we have full-time dads on the side, and we have many projects going on. Yeah. Um, so this has become uh I would say from a hobby project to a more fully focused project, yeah. Uh faster than I imagined. Yeah. And the other thing is that it's been very hard time-wise to fit it in in our schedules. That's true. So sometimes the late nights, even though it's always a great conversation and and it's fun, has been uh taking a toll, especially in the mornings when you have to wake up early and uh and these things. Uh and and for you guys, if you haven't realized yet, uh this is something we do uh not as a full-time uh occupation at all, this is something we do in our total own free time and and in the late nights and in the early mornings when we can fit it in.

SPEAKER_03 29:43

Exactly. And as we talked previously, it's a developing thing all the time. And of course, when we are hitting the record button during the late night hours, sometimes the tired nest might take its toll when we are having the conversation as well, and it might feel a little bit sleepy sometimes. I think yeah, and that has definitely been sometimes a hard hard thing to push through as well.

SPEAKER_00 30:16

Absolutely, but I think that that is also something that we can kind of structure more with uh season two because now we have a steady place to record, exactly, and we can come here and go here from uh whenever we want. Yeah. And that's a totally different situation from before. And a little add-on to uh it might sound a little bit um bad to uh be in a situation where you have to drag out time and is it worth it and all this? Definitely, yes. Every time we hear the recordings and we are finished with mastering an episode and push it out there, you kind of get the return uh back from the lag that morning on the days where we have been uh recording.

SPEAKER_03 31:04

Exactly. The gratitude gratitude is always there, and even though I said that sometimes the late night hours and effort during those times are feeling hard, it does not take away of the feeling of gratitude when we are done with the episodes and when we are having these conversations. Agreed.

SPEAKER_00 31:29

A last question before we end up let's hear it.

SPEAKER_01 31:35

If your kid in ten years from now, so he would be around eleven he listened to your podcast what would he say?

SPEAKER_03 31:51

Oh he would probably be amazed first of all, and I I would think he would be proud of his dad.

SPEAKER_01 32:03

I think that he would think that dad definitely did something that made him excited.

SPEAKER_03 32:15

He made something that is going to bring out positive energy and positive things to his family, and he's definitely trying to develop to become a man who he wants to be. So those are most likely the three things he could think about when he is listening to this in in ten years, and at least I hope so. Who who knows? It could be exactly the opposite, but no, but uh a beautiful put. Exactly. But what about you? You have a few more kids than I do.

SPEAKER_00 32:58

Well, it's always hard to to to try to uh spot the future, but um I would say uh of course the same thing as you're saying, uh I hope. Um but I also hope that they would listen to it and say, Holy shit, was that where you started? Yeah, it's so much better now.

SPEAKER_03 33:28

That that's that's a great one, and I think that's very most likely to happen at at some point.

SPEAKER_00 33:37

Absolutely, absolutely. Anything else than that? Well, no, not really. I mean, uh I hope they will be proud uh to to to kind of uh take away from it that their dad, or I hope so, that they will see it uh like their dad was not just dipping his toe in it, he was actually going in full-hearted and in something that he enjoyed doing no matter what it became or becoming. Exactly. Um and and he also got something out of it, uh, like the time we guy uh we you and me are spending uh reflecting and how much we gain from it. Yeah. I hope they can get a little feeling of that honesty or realism at that time.

SPEAKER_03 34:25

Exactly. And if we twist that same question a little bit more, what would you hope that your kids would say to you in 20 years when they have listened to the episode? Uh for the seasons and the episodes.

SPEAKER_00 34:45

With a disclaimer, I hope they will be doing exactly what they want the most at the time. And I can't say what that is gonna be because w the world is changing so fast. Um but I hope they have their own podcast. That would be nice. That would be nice. I mean uh growing up and then what would not be uh a bad idea. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 35:14

That that sounds like good good concept. So definitely gotta gotta listen to that one if it comes out as well. But for for me personally, the thing I would hope that my kid would tell me in 20 years when he has hopefully listened to this podcast and the episodes, is that well well I would hope that he would say something like this that thank you dad. These episodes and these conversations actually taught me something useful, even though if he wouldn't be a dad by himself yet in that stage.

SPEAKER_01 35:55

I understand. That would be cool too.

SPEAKER_00 35:58

Yeah, definitely. Yeah. But I would say uh thank you, Daniel, and thank you listeners for uh great first season. Exactly, and uh we learned a lot. Uh it was uh roller coaster of uh being changed more than we expected, and also like I learned so much as a dad, as a father, as a as a partner, as we talked about during uh the the talks. And I would say what I didn't expect was in five months, four months time that we have completed uh first season and we now are kind of uh taking it to the next level. It feels unbelievable, totally unbelievable. And uh fuck, we are doing it. From talking to to to understanding and to listen more. Exactly. So uh we'll probably end this by saying uh I'll hope you listen to season two because uh it's gonna be very interesting. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 37:11

Uh you're gonna do it. It's gonna be amazing.

SPEAKER_00 37:20

You guys are gonna do it.