The Very Hungry Hedgehog

Being hungry can make you grumpy and impatient, but it's never an excuse to forget your manners — and sometimes what you need is already on its way if you just slow down and ask nicely. Chip woke up hungry. Not regular hungry. Not even a little bit hungry. Chip woke up so hungry that his tummy made a noise like a very small bear trying to start a motorbike. BRRRRRRRGGGGLE. Just like that. He sat up in the little hedgehog den behind Mrs. Patterson's garden shed and blinked. Chuck…

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SPEAKER_00 0:15

Chip woke up hungry. Not regular hungry, not even a little bit hungry. Chip woke up so hungry that his tummy made a noise like a very small bear trying to start a motorbike. Burgle just like that. He sat up in the little hedgehog den behind Mrs. Patterson's garden shed and blinked. Chuck was already awake, sitting very still and staring at a crumb on the floor with enormous respect. Good morning, Chip, said Chuck, without looking up. I have found a crumb. I am deciding whether it is a cheese crumb or a biscuit crumb. This is very important. Chuck, said Chip, I need a sandwich. But I haven't finished identifying the crumb, said Chuck. I need a sandwich now, said Chip. His tummy made the motorbike noise again. Burgle even louder this time. From the corner of the den, upside down entangled in a piece of old string, Chewy opened one eye. Did someone say sandwich? asked Chewy. Yes, said Chip. Me. I said sandwich. I need one immediately, perhaps sooner. Oh good, said Chewy, still upside down. I love sandwiches. I had one yesterday. You did not have a sandwich yesterday, said Chip. I did, said Chewy, very seriously. It was two leaves with a bit of moss in the middle. It was not delicious. Chip took a deep breath. He was the leader. He was a problem solver. He could handle this. Right, said Chip, here is the plan. We are going to make the best sandwich Hedgehog Town has ever seen. Follow me. The three hedgehogs tumbled out into Mrs. Patterson's garden. The morning sun was warm, the birds were singing, and Chip's tummy was making noises that frightened a nearby pigeon. First, said Chip, we need ingredients. Chuck, what can you see? Now Chuck had a gift for noticing things. He looked around the garden very carefully. He looked at the flower beds. He looked at the vegetable patch. He looked at the pond. I can see lettuce, said Chuck. Perfect, said Chip. It is Mrs. Patterson's lettuce, said Chuck. Ah, said Chip. We should not take Mrs. Patterson's lettuce, said Chuck. No, said Chip. No, we should not. I can also see some very flat pebbles, said Chuck, hopefully. They are sort of cheese shaped. Pebbles are not cheese, Chuck, said Chip. They could be, said Chewy, who had appeared next to them, holding a fistful of grass. And this could be sandwich filling. I call it salad. That is grass, said Chip. Salad is just fancy grass, said Chewy. Chip's tummy rumbled so loudly that the frog in the pond jumped. Rap Right, said Chip, a bit snappier than usual. Garden sandwiches are not going to work. New plan. We go to mister Bumberton's bakery. He has bread. Bread is the most important part of a sandwich. Come on. Chip marched off toward the garden gate. He was walking very fast because when you are very hungry, everything feels urgent, even walking. Chip, wait, called Chuck, hurrying after him with his little legs going as fast as they could. But Chip did not wait. Chip was already through the gate and halfway down the lane. The walk to Mr Bumberton's bakery normally took about ten minutes. Today it took about seven, because Chip was power walking so hard that his little hedgehog feet were a blur. Good morning, said Mr Bumberton, from behind his counter when the three hedgehogs arrived. He looked down at them and smiled. What can I do for you today? Bread, said Chip, slightly out of breath. Please Of course, said Mr Bumberton. He handed them a beautiful warm loaf. It smelled like heaven, if heaven were a baker, which, honestly, it probably should be. The three hedgehogs stood outside the bakery, holding the loaf. It was warm. It was golden. It was perfect. Right, said Chip, we have bread. We have bread, agreed Chuck, who was already gazing at the loaf with deep emotional attachment. Now we just need something to put in it, said Chip. They all looked at each other. We have nothing to put in it, said Chip. We have grass, offered Chewy. We are not making a grass sandwich, Chewy. Chuck was cradling the loaf now. He had turned slightly away from the others, as if protecting it. I think, said Chuck quietly, that this loaf deserves a name. Chuck, no, said Chip. Sir Crustington, whispered Chuck, looking at the bread with great tenderness. Chuck, we are going to eat that bread. Chuck gasped. He held Sir Crustington closer. You wouldn't Chip's tummy let out a noise that can only be described as a fog horn played by a walrus. Who pigeons flew away. A squirrel dropped its acorn. Chewy fell over, though in fairness, Chewy falls over quite a lot anyway. That's it, said Chip. He pulled out a small piece of paper and a tiny pencil. I am drawing a map. We are going to do this properly. Now Chip loved drawing maps. Maps were his thing, and this map was going to be the most important map he had ever drawn, a sandwich map. He drew Mrs. Patterson's garden with little X's where he thought there might be food. He drew a dotted line to the bakery. He drew arrows pointing to the pond, the shed, and something he labeled possible cheese zone, even though he had absolutely no reason to believe cheese existed there. Here is the plan, said Chip, holding up the map. Chuck, you go to the garden and find something, anything that is actually a sandwich ingredient. Chewy, you go to the shed and see if Mrs. Patterson keeps any food in there. I will guard Sir Crustington. His name is Sir Crustington, said Chuck, impressed that Chip had used the name. Go, said Chip. Chuck hurried off to the garden. Chewy hurried off to the shed. Well, Chewy sort of wandered off in the general direction of the shed while looking at a butterfly. Chip sat down on the garden path with the bread and waited. His tummy grumbled, his foot tapped. He was not being very patient. He was not being very patient at all. Chuck came back first. He was carrying something very carefully in both paws. He placed it on the ground in front of Chip with great ceremony. It was a tomato. Brilliant, said Chip. A tomato that goes in a sandwich. Chuck, well done. Yes, said Chuck, I have named her Lady Reddington. You have named the tomato. She is round and she is brave, and she rolled all the way here without complaining, said Chuck. Chip stared at Chuck. Chuck stared back, completely serious. From inside the shed there was a loud crash, then another crash, then a much smaller, sadder crash. Then Chewy's voice. I'm fine. I am upside down inside a flower pot, but I am fine. Chip put his face in his paws. He wanted to shout. He wanted to stomp his little hedgehog feet. He wanted to eat Sir Crustington right there on the spot, outside any filling, without any plate, without any manners whatsoever. But then he heard something. Oh boys, it was misses Patterson. She was leaning out of her kitchen window, smiling that smile she always smiled, the one that made you feel like everything was probably going to be alright. I thought I heard a bit of a commotion, said Mrs. Patterson. Is everything okay? I am starving, Mrs. Patterson, said Chip, and even as he said it, he felt a little embarrassed, because he'd said it quite loudly, and quite rudely, and he hadn't said please or thank you, or good morning, or any of the things he normally said. Mrs. Patterson didn't seem cross, though. She just tilted her head. You know, she said, My late husband used to say that a hungry tummy makes a dizzy head. It means when you're very hungry, you forget to think properly. Chip looked down at his feet. His tummy was still grumbling, but now his cheeks were a bit warm too. I have been a bit grumpy, haven't I? said Chip quietly. A little bit, said Chuck, kindly. Quite a lot, said Chewy, who had emerged from the shed with a flower pot still on his head. You know what you could have done, said Mrs. Patterson gently. You could have asked. Chip blinked. Asked? Asked, said Mrs. Patterson. I've had sandwiches ready on the kitchen counter for twenty minutes. I was just about to call you in. Chip opened his mouth, then he closed it. Then he opened it again. There have been sandwiches this whole time? said Chip. Cheese and pickle, said Mrs. Patterson, cheerfully. Your favorite. Chip looked at Chuck. Chuck looked at Chewy. Chewy looked at the flower pot, because it was still on his head, so he couldn't actually see anything else. Mrs. Patterson, said Chip, very carefully and very politely, may we please come inside and have a sandwich? Of course you may, said Mrs. Patterson. That's all you ever had to do, love. And so the three hedgehogs sat at Mrs. Patterson's kitchen table, which was much too high for them, on a stack of books, which was much too wobbly for anyone, and they ate the most beautiful cheese and pickle sandwiches you have ever seen. Chip ate his slowly, because he had learned that even when you are very, very, very hungry, good things are worth waiting for, and asking nicely for. Chuck ate his with great dignity. He had placed Sir Crustington and Lady Reddington on the windowsill, side by side, where they could watch. And Chewy ate his upside down. Nobody was entirely sure why. Chewy said it tasted better that way. It almost certainly did not, but that was Chewy. Mrs. Patterson, said Chip after his last bite. Yes, Chip? Thank you for the sandwiches, and I'm sorry I was grumpy. Mrs. Patterson smiled. Everyone gets grumpy when they're hungry, Chip. The important thing is remembering your manners, even when your tummy is doing all the talking. Chip's tummy, as if to prove the point, let out one last tiny rumble, but this time it sounded more like a pur. And outside on the windowsill, Sir Crustington and Lady Reddington watched over the garden together as the sun climbed higher over Hedgehog Town. It was going to be a very good day, especially now that everyone had eaten.