Ep. 4 Breaking The Hustle Trap And Redefining Success

You can be “successful” and still feel like you’re barely breathing. I’m talking about the hustle culture lie that keeps high achievers chasing the next dollar, the next goal, the next hit of validation even when our bodies are begging for rest.

I share what it’s like living inside that tension right now, including my commission-only work in the life insurance space: the constant rejection, the pressure of performance, and the very real pull of quick money. We unpack how the grind can build discipline and resilience while also dysregulating your nervous system, shrinking your capacity, and turning your worth into a scoreboard. If you’ve ever thought, “When I hit the number, I’ll finally feel safe,” you’ll understand this conversation.

We also go deeper into the roots behind achievement addiction: growing up with financial insecurity, trying to prove yourself, and confusing productivity with progress. Then we zoom out and redefine success in a way that actually holds up long-term: more joy, more space, more connection, more creativity, and a life built on your terms. I’ll leave you with questions to help you identify what you’re really chasing and how to create what you want now, not someday.

If this hit home, subscribe, share it with a friend who’s stuck in the grind, and leave a review so more driven women can find these conversations. What’s one goal you’ve been chasing that still hasn’t made you feel “enough”?

And connect w/ me on IG: @tiana_wrightnour

Transcript

Tempo: 120.0

SPEAKER_00 0:00

This is Raw Authentic, where ambition meets authenticity. I'm your host, Tiana Reitnauer. And if you're a driven woman who refuses to settle for a life that looks good on the outside but doesn't feel good on the inside, you are in the right place. Here we talk about the pivots, the breakdowns, the reinventions, and the courage it takes to walk away from what's comfortable and the power of choosing yourself again and again. No filters, no fluff, just real conversations about what it means to live boldly, love deeply, and build a life on your own terms. If you're ready to stop surviving and start thriving, let's dive in. What's up, guys? Welcome back to episode four of Rawthentic. Super excited to be here. Super excited to continue to share my journey along this path in the hopes that it will help one person. And to be quite frank, I'd rather be recording right now than packing because I have to pack and I can't stand packing. So I am doing whatever I can to, I guess, distract myself or avoid doing that. But I'm actually really excited. So I'm going to San Diego in a couple of days and I'm going to a conference called Mindset for Millions, I think it is. Mindset 2 millions or Mindset 4 millions, I forget. But it's actually being hosted. The main speaker is my second cousin. And I probably didn't share with you guys, but I come from a family of very influential public speakers. My second uncle is actually a really like famous, world-renowned public speaker in the real estate space. And two of his kids actually do speaking on real estate and on mindset and all of that. So I'm super excited. I got to invite, I got invited to go. And so I leave on Wednesday and the conference is Thursday and Friday. And really just excited to, you know, be. I love, first of all, I love going to any kind of personal development conferences, anything that's going to take me to that next level. But also I'm excited to just be in a room with multimillionaires because, you know, they they say you are, you know, the five people you spend your most time with. And if you want to grow, put yourself in a room of someone who's 10 steps ahead of you. And so one of my goals has been to be in rooms with people that are way more successful than me, have way more wealth than me, and are, you know, on the path that I plan and, you know, trying to get to in the next five to 10 years. So super excited for, you know, just networking, hanging out with my cousin and going and seeing, you know, my other cousin speak and, you know, actually getting to hang out and chat with them and all that. So yeah. But something that I've been thinking about, you know, and I'm currently in it, and you know, it is my goal to be fully transparent with the journey that I'm currently on in real time so that you guys can, you know, follow along with me and know that I'm like in the thick of things too. And one of the major topics that I have been really thinking about is just the lie of the hustle culture and the common thing that us high achievers do, which is chase the achievements, chase the success or the status or the money and how detrimental that can be. And I'm not gonna lie, I'm I'm doing it right now. Like I am, for the past almost two years, I've been in the life insurance space. And prior to that, obviously, I had my own coaching business that I closed down just to kind of really figure out what the heck I wanted to do. You know, it's something that I want to do, but the way that I was doing it was not aligned with my nervous system, and which is kind of ironic because this is like so dysregulating. Like, if you guys could even know what I deal with on the day-to-day, it would like blow your mind. And maybe I'll share like some phone call clips of like some people that I talk to, but just to kind of like pull the curtain back on my day-to-day. So I'm in the life insurance space right now, and I basically am selling mortgage protection insurance. So when someone buys a home, they get a letter in the mail that says, you know, you might be eligible to qualify to get your full home paid off or a portion of it or whatever, if you're sick, you know, critically injured, or when you pass away. So they call in on that notice, and then it goes into our system as a lead, and we buy the lead and we call them and basically, you know, give them a presentation and give them the opportunity to buy a policy to protect themselves and their family. And I really believe in this, you know, like I really see the value and you know, believe in this type of protection for family and this type of work. However, the people that I talk to, y'all like, oh my gosh. And the constant like rejection, the constant, like, why the F are you calling me? Stop calling me. I got a thousand notices in the mail, I don't want this, or like you say, hey, like I'm calling on behalf of your lender, blah, blah, blah. Click. And so what this industry has really taught me is mental toughness and resilience and grit and also discipline too, because not that I didn't have those things prior, but this just like turned it up a whole nother level and just really challenged me that, you know, putting in the work every single day. There's some days, you know, this business is very lucrative. You can by yourself, you know, profit anywhere from, I don't know, five to forty thousand dollars a month, like depending on what your experience level is, how much you're working. That's just on your own. And then if you build an agency, it's like way more than that. But it doesn't come for the, it's not for the faint of heart. It's very challenging. And, you know, there are times where people sign up for a policy and then you get advanced a commission amount. And then if that person decides they don't want that policy, then you get what's called a chargeback. And all of a sudden all that money is taken away from you. And so there's so much to pull apart with this because this business is so quick and like it's not easy money, but it's quick money. And because there's so much potential to make a lot of money, I've found and as I've reflected, like I am constantly like chasing that like money, like more, more, more, more, you know, like when I sell a couple policies and I know I'm gonna have $3,000 in my bank account the next day, like that makes me feel really fucking good. But then waking up, you know, at 4 30 in the morning to start work at 6 a.m., to work 12 hours, to be constantly sitting at my desk, doing a very transactional sale is so dysregulating for my nervous system. I am such a, I wouldn't say low energy person, but I would say like my capacity is a lot like shorter than some people based on my energy type, which if you're familiar with human design, I'm a projector. If you have no idea what that means, don't worry about it. Maybe I'll talk about it in another episode. But so basically, just what that means is like I have very like a limited supply of energy and it needs to be used very intentionally. And in the job that I'm in, it is just so freaking draining. And then add on top of that, like the challenges with the people that you talk to, the, you know, just things that you deal with in other jobs, but like times 10, because this is a hundred percent commission role and buying leads, I pay anywhere from like five to ten thousand dollars a month in lead costs alone. So, you know, there's a lot at stake where it's like if I'm not on my game and I'm not performing and I'm not selling, like I'm not making money, I'm losing money. So it's like, you know, I reflect back and I've done serving jobs and cocktail serving jobs where anytime there was like a contest on like who can sell the most whatever, I was like, I'm fucking doing that, and I did. And then it was like, you know, selling beer, you know, we had bonus structures where if you sold a certain amount of cases or placements or displays, like you got more money. And I was like, I'm doing that, and I did. And it's like interesting to reflect back because every role pretty much from the beginning that I've put myself in has been achievement focused, or like if you work harder or do more, then you're gonna make more money. And it's just caused me to like constantly feel fucking exhausted, like burnt out, where I am tying my worth to how much I do, how much I achieve, how much I make, how much I accomplish, versus just like being. And I think that that was what was really challenging for me when I had my coaching business was I went from, you know, I knew back then I had a salary job. Now I don't. I'm a I'm a 1099. But I had this consistent pay, right? So my like security didn't feel threatened, like my, you know, my cost of living, whatever, like I was able to afford my living, right? But it was like anything that I wanted more, I worked towards and got. And I had an opportunity to make more. Whereas when I had my coaching business, it didn't matter if I did more content or more sales calls or more workshops or whatever. That didn't guarantee that I make more money. And I think that was really hard for me to go from something that was really like secure and like almost a guarantee and to like, you know, I'm not like I was getting the dopamine hit of the like achievement aspect from like followers and views and downloads and like attendees, like stuff or like clients, but it didn't like always financially like support me in the way that like I'm being supported now. And it's just really challenging when you like for me, I grew up not very financially like well. Like we struggled, and I put myself through college. I, you know, bought three homes and I've bought them all on my own. And you know, my mom, she didn't graduate, you know, she graduated high school and didn't go to college. And yeah, so I just like it came from a family who really struggled. So I think like I wanted to use that as like motivation to do the opposite and really like make something of myself. And in doing that, it's like, well, maybe if I do more and if I achieve more and if I make more, then I'll feel better about myself. Or then I'll feel like more worthy. And it's really sad because we are worthy just for being us, just for like who we are when we're being. Like I had a I have this app on my phone called The Pattern. It's an astrology app, and it said, you know, you have a tendency to constantly achieve and like, you know, always have something to strive towards. But like, have you ever stopped to think about who you are when you're not striving or achieving or doing? Like who you are when you're just being. I was like, oh yeah, like I'm a kind person, I'm a loving person, I'm a supportive friend and daughter and cousin and granddaughter. You know, I'm fun and adventurous, but like those things are not making me money. And it's like really hard when all my body and my nervous system wants is just to be and to be able to be paid for being me. And I'm still in the trap of the pattern of chasing. And, you know, if I'm not doing something, it's like, what can I be doing right now? So that I feel like I'm not like just falling back or being lazy or I don't know, just like the whole if I'm not constantly doing something, then I'm not making progress, which is silly because I know that that's not how life works. Like you have to take a step back and you have to have stillness and rest and contemplation and adventure and stepping away from all of the doing that is part of the growth. And you know, I just I've just had this core message that I really believe in, but I'm still struggling to embody because I don't feel fully safe in this identity, which is like redefining what we call success and defining that into whatever the hell you want it to be. But for me, it's like I want to have experiences with the people that I love and I want to give back in a really big way, and I want to empower people to really step into their authenticity and have the courage to do the things that they've always wanted to do, but have been scared of, and to not be stuck in a life that isn't theirs. You know, like I will say I'm very proud that the life that I am building for myself is my life and I am choosing to do it. It's not a life that I am doing based on what, you know, my parents told me that I should do or society or whatever. Like I probably knew a lot younger than I gave myself credit for that, like I can't work for anybody. Or like I can work with people, but like I have a really hard time like people telling me what to do because I'm just such a free thinker and I'm such a like efficiency, like I can do that more efficient and better to the point where it would get me in trouble a lot in school and in jobs where people were just like I'm not like respecting the authority or whatever it is because I'm like, I can fucking do this better. I don't know, like not to like do my own hornery thing, but like truly, I've just always seen a path for myself where I get to write the rule book and where I get to do and come and go on my terms. And what's nice is, you know, at one point in my life, the thought of not having a salary job and like leaving the corporate world scared the shit out of me. And like it's something I always dreamt of doing. And I was so scared until back in summer of 21, which was almost five years ago now. Like I did that. And I've had a couple like bartending gigs here and there since then. But majority of the time, like I've worked for myself and I still do now. Like I'm fully a 1099 employee. So like I make my schedule, I buy the leads I want to buy, I work when I want to work, and you know, it's it's a beautiful thing, but it does come with, you know, that discipline. But it's also hard because when you're working for yourself and you have no one telling you what to do, like you have to hold yourself accountable. And for me, that comes in the form of me being really hard on myself because when I was in a job, it was like, here's what you have to do. You work these hours, you do these tasks, and then if you have a bonus, then you shoot towards that and then you're done. Whereas for me, it's like you work whenever you want and as much as you want, and you can, you know, do personal development on the side or not do it or whatever. And it's totally up to you, which is fantastic, but also like I never know if what I'm doing is enough, you know, and it's like it is something that I'm battling still, and I'm I feel like I'm coming to a very good place of balance and boundaries where I'm actually experimenting with this idea of working less and earning more, which I know is possible because energy is a frequency. And when you're in that high frequency, like you become a magnet to money, to opportunities, to so many things where you're not as, you know, available for those when you just have your head down in the grind so heavily. And you can actually end up like making more, becoming more successful when you take a step back. Because again, part of that growth is going and taking a step back, is going into the comp contemplation and the meditation and getting clear on what the freak you want. So you can actually know when an opportunity comes in that is aligned for you. But it's challenging. And so, you know, if you're there with me where, you know, your entire life has been based on achievement or how much money you're making, or your status, or getting promotions, or like what's next, what's next, like climbing up that ladder. I get it. I am right with you, and I am in it with you. And what I can say from the past, and I know to still be true, is it will never be enough. It doesn't matter how much money you make, what your title is, like what accomplishes you have. When you get there, it's not as fulfilling as you might have once thought it would be. Like, I can't even tell you how many things I have in my life right now that I prayed and manifested for for years. That I'm like, okay, well, like what's next? I need to get to this number. It's like hold on. Like, can we just take a frickin moment to like really sink in the feeling that like we actually freaking made it? Like we made our goal that we had been striving for for god knows how long. And it didn't even seem like it was gonna happen, or it didn't know when it was gonna happen, and now it's here, and it's just like okay, on to the next thing. It's like crazy, and we all do that. It it blows my mind. Like I'm I'm guilty of it too. And yeah, I'm just I'm praying that in this season that I am you know striving and following the paycheck that I'm getting, that I eventually come to that place of like I don't care. I don't care about any of these things. I'm not motivated by these things, I'm motivated by joy, I'm motivated by space and peace and creativity and flow and just trusting, which is so hard because we're all deep down control freaks. Like, we all want to have some sense of feeling like we have control over our destiny. And it's like God has other plans, like you you think you have control, and then he just pulls the rug underneath you and is like nope and just laughs, and you're like, Well shit, okay. And you know, sometimes those moments, those like big moments of like breakdowns, of like when things are just totally pulled from underneath you, like those are the moments where you're like forced to reassess like what am I doing? Where do I want to go? Like, what is not working? And in those moments, it's beautiful, but I'm just hoping that I don't have to get to that place of burnout to like have that moment, you know, trying to skill scale back more and more in this job, you know, to give myself extra space to do things like this, which I absolutely love to do, is just like tell stories and you know, let you guys in a little bit into my world and hopefully, you know, you guys can relate and know that you're not alone in in these challenges, you know. But if you're somebody that is, you know, just addicted to that like productivity, you know, addicted to the striving and the cheaving and the next thing, the next dollar, the next promotion, like I really invite you to ask yourself like where is that coming from? Because most of the time. It's coming from feeling lack within. So maybe you didn't have a parent that was as present, or you wanted to prove to them, you know, to make them proud. Or, you know, maybe for me, it's like you didn't have that, that, you know, that security financially. And so, you know, there was a lot of like fight or flight of like, I need to have that security. And now it's like you never want to let that security go. And so you just keep grinding. That's at least my situation. But yeah, I just ask you to invite yourself, like, where, where is that coming from? And how long have you been in that? And realistically, like, what are you hoping to achieve at the end of it? You know, like what is the end goal? Because, like I mentioned, it sometimes seems like it, it's fine to keep moving the goalpost, you know, and and growing and progressing. But when it's never enough, no matter how far the goalpost moves and how many times you reach it, like what are you actually chasing? And most of the time, people, you know, as you go down that path of like, what are you actually wanting is it's like happiness, love, connection. And so, how can you create those things in your life now? Where can you find joy? And where can you find connection within your life now without needing the achievement or the dollar to then make you feel those things? So just something to chew on. But if this resonated with you, if you feel like someone that you know needs to hear it, please share this episode and rate and review, leave a review. I love reading reviews and want to get this into more ears of people so that you know we can build this community together. And I really just want to help one person every day. So if y'all can help me do that, I would forever be grateful. And I want to connect with you guys. So if this resonated with you, let's have a conversation. You can find me on Instagram. My Instagram handle is in the description. So it's my first name underscore my last name, Tiana right now. And give me a follow, shoot me a message, let me know if this helped you today or if it like made you start thinking. Or yeah, I'm looking forward to hearing from you. We'll see you guys on the next episode.