Ep. 5 How To Stop Letting Fear Run Your Life

Your comfort zone is not neutral, it’s persuasive. The moment you move toward what you really want, your brain starts bargaining. I’m calling that out for what it is, fear dressed up as logic.

We talk about why the brain is wired for comfort and safety instead of personal growth, and how that wiring creates anxiety right before you take action. I share a metaphor that makes it painfully clear why you keep “cooling down” the second things heat up, plus real stories about learning hard skills like public speaking and why repetition turns terrifying into normal.

We also go deeper into where fear can come from, how past experiences shape your decisions, and why an accountability partner or coach can be the difference between staying stuck and building momentum. We close with grounding tools you can use when your thoughts spiral so you can act from truth, not panic.

If you’re ready to stop stalling and start growing, listen, subscribe, share with a friend who needs a push, and leave a review. You can also connect with me on IG @tiana_wrightnour

Transcript

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This is Raw Authentic, where ambition meets authenticity. I'm your host, Tiana Reitnauer. And if you're a driven woman who refuses to settle for a life that looks good on the outside but doesn't feel good on the inside, you are in the right place. Here we talk about the pivots, the breakdowns, the reinventions, and the courage it takes to walk away from what's comfortable and the power of choosing yourself again and again. No filters, no fluff, just real conversations about what it means to live boldly, love deeply, and build a life on your own terms. If you're ready to stop surviving and start thriving, let's dive in. Welcome back to Roth and Tick Episode 5. I want to talk to you guys today about getting uncomfortable. Something that I'm very familiar with doing. I feel like I'm constantly uncomfortable. But really more importantly, going after what you freaking want to, like, and not letting your fears and the uncomfortability stop you. We have so much potential, like so much. I I talk to people so often where I'm like, how are you not pursuing this passion of yours? Like you're so talented. You're like you have so much in you. And and even just like seeing my parents, you know, doing, especially my stepdad, like being in the same career for 25 plus years and hating it. And then knowing like how good he is with his hands, with like building and like that man, like completely redid the bathrooms, the backyard, everything. Like he has he has built out like trailers, like he could do the whole like van life thing. Like he could build all the cabinets and everything inside of it. It's like incredible. I'm like, how are you not doing this for a living? Like you're so good at it. And it's so much easier said than done to like just go after your dreams, right? There's always the, well, I would if I didn't have kids that I was putting through college, or I would if I didn't make this, you know, six-figure salary that I've been at with all the benefits, or you know, I would if I had, you know, more experience or skills or resources or whatever the heck it is, right? But what I hear underneath all of that is I'm fucking scared. I mean, valid. We are scared when we, you know, think about putting ourselves in positions and doing new things that we haven't done before because it's uncertain. And something about your brain is it's wired for comfortability, it's not wired for growth. So when you do something different, your brain lights up and is like, wait a second, this is not something I'm used to. I don't know what's gonna happen. Abort mission. And one of the best metaphors that I've learned, I don't even know where it came from, that I just took it and like it's stuck in my brain forever. Is like, imagine you keep your home at like 75 degrees Fahrenheit, you know, you keep your AC or whatever, and your home's always at 75. And then you raise that up and you're at 85. What is your instinct? You want to turn the fans on, you want to take layers of your clothes off, you want to like, it's hot, right? And so you want to do whatever you can to bring yourself back down to that 75. So that's basically what our brain does when you think about wanting to do something that you're fearful of. And even if you start to take like one step closer towards that and it goes well, it's like, well, hold, hold on a second. Like, well, what's next? And you want to bring yourself back down to that 75. And it's it's a common thing. We all experience it. But something that's also helpful to think of is like when you were a baby learning how to walk, you didn't just like fall down and then never get back up. And you probably don't remember what that felt like. But it's very normal that when you're when you fall over and over and over and you keep getting back up, then it's like you get it and it becomes automatic. That's with anything that you do. Anytime you try something new, it's gonna be uncertain and scary and unfamiliar and weird. And like, I don't know what this is. I'm not used to it. And then there becomes a point where it's just like, oh, that wasn't that big of a deal. Like, I think back when I was in college, one of my first classes, my first semester of college was like communications 101. And it was like doing public speaking, which is so hilarious to think about now because I'm like, that's all I want to do. And I was giving a speech and I was freaking sweating profusely, like straight up, you could see all the sweat under my arms, like my face, my face was bright red. I was terrified. Well, we had to do like four of these speeches throughout the semester. And by the last one, I was like, oh, this isn't really like that bad. But if it were up to me to go do that, I probably wouldn't have done it. But I had to to pass the class. So it's like, but I'm grateful for that, right? Because it pushed me out of my comfort zone. It made me feel uncomfortable. And then there was a point where it wasn't that scary. So I think that what's helpful in these scenarios is like one, knowing that it's completely normal that everyone experiences this. Like it's just a matter of like how big are your cojones, like how much like uncomfortability and discomfort like can you experience and allow that to be present without trying to avoid it or like suppress it or just like not try. Cause it's like I'm sure there's many things that you can think of, but I just invite you to think of one thing that like you've been wanting to do, but you're like thinking of all the excuses and like tear those, tear those back. Like, let's be real. It's not you don't have time. It's not, oh, you have kids and this, that, and the other. Because guess what? There's tons of people that have families with kids and jobs and pets and whatever the heck commitments, and they still make time to go after and prioritize that one thing that they want to do. So, number one, I'm calling you out on your BS, but pull back the curtain. Really, what is one thing that you've wanted to do, but you keep finding all the freaking Tom Dick and Harry excuses that you can think of to not do it. And then I want you to write down what are all the things that if this went totally to shit, that could happen. Like write them all down. Worst case scenario. Like you're gonna be publicly, publicly humiliated, people are gonna judge you, they're gonna say, why did you even do this? You're gonna whatever it is. Like, write that all down. I do this every time. I actually I actually did this when I just created my Instagram again because I had a lot of anxiety about coming back on Instagram and I had all these fears, and I was like, I don't want to like make decisions based on fears, but there was an uncomfortability of it. And I wrote those down and I sat with them and I'm like, okay, well, if all of those things happen to me, will I be okay? Like, is it gonna be the end of the world? Or can I be okay if all of those things happen? And 99% of the time, we work it up in our mind so much more serious than it actually is. And we actually create the anxiety before the event and the feeling that we feel before we take action is 10 times worse than what actually happens when we take it. Because 99% of the time, all of those fears and worst-case scenarios that you have in your head don't even happen. So it's like if you can get through the anxiety leading up to doing the thing that scares the shit out of you, guess what? That's the scariest part. Like almost the scariest part. And then, like, you know, sometimes doing that thing can be a scary in the beginning, but it's just scary because you've never done it before. Right? It's like, I remember I have for years wanted to learn how to dance. And I was so like, well, I want to do a one-to-one teacher. I don't have the money for that. And like, what if I look stupid and like I can't pick up the moves as as fast as everyone else if I'm in a group and people are gonna look at me and like, what's wrong with her? And it's like most of those things, all of those things were in my mind, and they were all based on like what other people think of me, which it's like, who gives a shit? Like, you're going to learn a new skill. You're supposed to be crappy at it. Like, no one's expecting you to do something new and be great at it. Like, I haven't been podcasting forever. I don't expect to like have all of my thoughts and everything super organized and to not say um and have filler words. And no, it's I'm not a professional podcaster, but like I want to do it. And like, yeah, I'm sure there's things that people can say about how I speak or what I speak about or whatever. And it's like, okay, well, the person that's over there, like on their keyboard type in a way, it's like, okay, well, I'm the one that's actually taking the risk to do something that I want to do and that I'm passionate about to get better and help people, and like you're the one judging. So, like, I think I'm the one winning here. So, like, that's another thing, too. It's like if you're worried about judgment, like you fear that from others, it's like the people that really are winning in life and that want to see you win are not gonna judge you. It's the people that are unhappy in their own lives that are gonna judge you. And those people's opinions shouldn't matter to you anyway. Right? It's like, I don't know. I I'm just the kind of person that's like, okay, maybe I will suck at dancing or podcasting or whatever, but like it makes me feel good. Like it makes me feel good to know that I'm getting better and to be able to speak better and to be able to move my body better. So screw it. Like, let's just go. And it's so rewarding. It's like the reward of the progress for me is so much more motivating than the fear of not being good at it or like fear of judgment. Like the progress for me is everything. And so, you know, write down all of those things. Like, what is the worst thing that can happen? Like, what is the worst case scenario? And then the second layer of that, if you want to get a little bit deeper, is like, where does this fear stem from? So, is there someone in your life that made you feel like you were judged or not good enough, or that you couldn't do something like this? Maybe, I don't know, you let's just say you gave a presentation and it went horribly, and you were mortified, like let's say in high school, I don't know. And so the thought of doing that again is like, hell no. Like I was mortified, people said X, Y, Z about me, and like I never want that to happen again. Where does that come from? You know, maybe it's it's a judgment from a parent figure, you know, maybe it's judgment from a friend in the past you've had or a group of people. And just asking yourself, where does that come from? And do you want to allow your past experiences dictate your future? That's something that we all are guilty of doing. You know, that's like we have those stored memories, those stored experiences in our subconscious brain. And again, like your brain is wired to keep you safe. So any threat, quote unquote, that is gonna threaten, threaten that safety, your brain's like, nope, I'm good on that. And so it's gonna avoid, right? And you might not know why you're feeling that like pit in your stomach or the hesitation or the excuses. Like you might genuinely feel like the excuses you're making are the real reasons why you're not doing it. But I promise you they're not. Cause, like I said, there are people that have a lot of responsibilities on their plate and they still are doing the things that they've always wanted to do. So if they can do it, why can't you? It's always going to be something deeper. And it's your job to ask yourself, where does this come from? Am I going to allow my past experience to dictate my future? Because what happened to your past doesn't have to happen in your future unless you allow it to, unless you allow it to dictate that. Right. So just asking yourself that, and like, what is the worst thing that can happen? And the reality of all of this is is like if you're not scared shitless, like you're not growing. Like, no, nobody grows in the comfort zone. Like you have to be stretched and pushed. And if you can't do it on your own, have an accountability partner. Have someone really challenge you to stretch yourself, like make a small commitment or promise to yourself and say, hey, check in with me. And if I don't do that, call me out because I need to do it and I need like a little push. Like we all need that. Like I've worked with countless of coaches, countless, countless of coaches. Okay, I don't know. That sounded weird for a second. Countless coaches, I think is the more appropriate verbiage. Anyway, I've worked with a lot of coaches. And the reason why is because I've wanted to do things that scared the shit out of me. And I knew if I paid somebody to hold me accountable and help me work through those fears, the underlying fears and, you know, things that I was telling myself about why I can't do something, I knew there was a better chance that I was going to do it because I had someone there being like, mm-mm. We are not getting stuck here. We are moving forward. We're letting go of those limiting beliefs, we're letting go of those fears, and we're creating a new reality. And maybe that's what you need is an accountability partner to hold you accountable to that. But also knowing that being uncomfortable is totally normal. And that is the only way that you grow. And I'm sure you can think back, you know, and another experience in your life where something scared the crap out of you. You did it anyway, it wasn't as bad as you thought, and you were proud of yourself for it. And, you know, true happiness comes from growth, it comes from progress. If we are not making progress, we are truly not fulfilled. Like no one is fulfilled that is staying stagnant and having zero growth. Give me one person that is just stagnant, not growing at all, that is truly fulfilled. Like truly, it doesn't exist because that is how we find purpose and fulfillment is through progress and through growth. And, you know, whenever you think back on those moments of times where you did get through that, like those are things to put in what I call the evidence box of like, what are all the times I was scared shitless to do something where I did it, whether I was forced to do it because it was for school or for a sport or for a commitment or a job, whatever. And then how did I feel after? And can you just copy and paste that for whatever it is next that you want to try? Right. And whenever you get in your head, like ground yourself. Like our, like I said, our minds will play tricks on us because it's designed to keep us safe and comfortable. It's not designed for us to do things different and to grow. And so when you get in your head, know that you are not your thoughts. And like I mentioned, the anxiety that you're experiencing before you actually do the thing is 10 times worse than the thing itself. So get in your head, or when you're getting in your head, ask yourself, like, like really check yourself like, is that actually true? Like, what evidence do I have to support that that is actually true? Right. And really ground yourself, whether that's movement, going on a walk, doing a meditation, doing breath work, whatever it is, journaling, you know, praying, all of those things are really helpful. And it's okay, you know, if those things come up, which they always will at some point. But it's if you allow yourself to be defined with what your thoughts are telling you in the moment of you just being scared. And just do it. That is my rant for the day. But if this episode spoke to you, if you resonated with it, or if you feel like someone needs to hear this, please share, comment below, rate, review, connect with me on Instagram. You can follow me at Tiana underscore right nower. It's in the description below. I want to hear from you. My intention with this podcast is to help one person every day and also to connect with you and for y'all to share your stories with me as well. You know, where are you at in your life right now? What do you want to do? That's scaring the crap out of you, but like you just need that little like that little push. Connect with me. And I'll see you guys next week.