Episode 3: Red Flags vs. Green Flags

Red Flags vs. Green Flags, the fight between what is right and wrong in a relationship. Mamas boys, OF and secretive phones, are they RED FLAGS? Come listen to our thoughts and opinions. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:01

Hello everybody. Welcome to another episode of WorkWives. This is Jess. And this is Ashi. Today we're going to be doing an episode on red flags and green flags. Mostly red flags.

SPEAKER_04 0:15

Probably going to be all red flags.

SPEAKER_03 0:18

I'll try to throw some green flags in there.

SPEAKER_04 0:20

Okay, so we're just gonna go through a bunch of questions and ask each other if we think it's a green flag or a red flag. Okay. I don't believe in labels. Got the wheels turning. Thinking, thinking. Labels. Um in relationship, I think that could be a red flag just because if they don't want labels, they probably don't want just you. Agreed.

SPEAKER_03 0:48

Um okay, so what if you've been talking to somebody for a long time? Well, we'll say like, yeah, like eight months, okay? And you go out with them and they don't introduce you as their girlfriend. They say this is Jess or this is my friend Ashi. Or this is the person I'm talking to.

SPEAKER_04 1:20

Okay, if they say I'm talking to her, or like we hang out, whatever. Then that's okay. Okay. But I think if they're just like this is Ashi and the walk away. I'd be so sad. Okay, fair enough. Do you think it's a red flag?

SPEAKER_03 1:41

Yeah, I I don't know. I I guess it depends on the scenario and how long. You know, like if you've like I said, if we've been talking for like eight months and they're like, this is Jess. Or or if it's like, guys, this is Jess.

SPEAKER_04 1:59

Well, if they sound excited, that's a green flag.

SPEAKER_03 2:02

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:02

Green flag. I think um our generations think dating is different. Like, I think maybe your generation, like I just like like 40 fucking times. Like, like, like, like, like, like. I'm like the seagull on Nemo. Mine, mine, mine, mine. Like, I your generation think maybe not you, but like the older generation says like dating.

unknown 2:31

Sorry.

SPEAKER_04 2:32

You geriatrics. Um, you say like dating is like when you're going out with somebody, but you don't call each other boyfriend, girlfriend, like dating, like going steady. Yeah. Like my generation, we call each other dating when we're actually boyfriend and girlfriend. Okay. Like we don't say, oh, like if I was hanging out with this guy a lot, I wouldn't say, Oh, I'm dating him. Right. I'm just gonna talk to him. Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:55

That makes sense.

SPEAKER_04 2:56

Yeah. Okay, I have one for you. Your partner texts their ex, happy birthday.

SPEAKER_03 3:04

Ooh. This is a juicy one. Um yeah, I mean if we're see do the oh my god. Were they married? How long were they together? Do they have children? Are they cool? Answer for all those scenarios. Okay. If they have children together and they become a co-parent and they're you know, they get along, no, I would not be upset about that. Um if we're dating and it's like an ex-wife. Um yeah, I I guess I wouldn't be upset about that. But if we're like together and you know, it's just like an ex and they're like, oh happy birthday. You know. So different circumstances, I think. No. Yeah. No, I I would not. That's a red flag for for some of them. Others, I think it's acceptable. Yeah. What about you?

SPEAKER_04 4:23

I I agree with you. I think that if they were on good terms and whatever, then yeah, it's okay to say happy birthday, whatever, but if it was like some person that they were just like didn't really have any ties, like no kids, no marriage, nothing. Yeah. And maybe if the other person wasn't really that nice to you, right? You know what I mean? Absolutely. I would not want them to say happy birthday. Only happy death day. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 4:54

Okay. Calls all of his exes crazy. Like, oh my god, she's a crazy bitch. That one's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 5:07

Oh, that one's so hard because I know how crazy girls can be sometimes. But if he's calling them all crazy, obviously there's a common denominator, which is him, I fear.

SPEAKER_00 5:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:18

And maybe I don't know. Honestly, if he said it, I would probably be like, okay, and just go on with my day. Like it wouldn't really bother me. But if I was really thinking about it, I'd be like, I wonder why they were all crazy. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe red flag, maybe green flag. Green flag. No, it's not even a flag. It would either be red or neutral. Yeah. White flag, Switzerland. I feel like I feel like it could be a red flag. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:52

If they if he called them all crazy.

SPEAKER_04 5:55

And I would want to know why they were like all crazy. Like, I'd be like, okay, why are they crazy? Right. Because you're probably doing the same thing that you did to all of them.

SPEAKER_03 6:04

Yeah, agreed.

SPEAKER_04 6:08

Okay. Your partner asks you to unfollow someone they don't like.

SPEAKER_03 6:13

Oh, this one's this one rubs me the wrong way. Because all right. I don't necessarily think that's a a red flag. Um, if you are with someone and you have that person has a serious issue with this person for certain reasons, then I don't foresee the problem. But but again, circumstances, if it's a situation where they just want you to delete somebody that you've been friends with who might be the opposite sex for no good reason because it's their own insecurity, or unless you're giving them a reason to feel that way.

SPEAKER_04 6:57

Yeah, I agree with that. I think if it's like one person, one or two people that they're like, no way, okay, maybe. Yeah, but if it was like every single boy on your Instagram, just because for what? Yeah. Um have you ever asked somebody to unfollow someone?

SPEAKER_03 7:16

Uh, I did once, actually, but that's because again, it was a respect thing, and the crazy part is they kept re-adding this person. Um, yeah, and she was um, you know, people post whatever they want on social media, but she was like really out there with her shit, and he was like liking all these videos and photos. Yeah, so I was like, Yeah, no, and I'm not one to do that. I'm not one like I'll I'll be like, I'm not okay with this, but I'm not one to tell somebody, like just do it, you know, right to just know.

SPEAKER_04 7:56

I know, it should be expected, no, yeah. You shouldn't have to ask other than that, no. So if you ask somebody and they put up a fight, would that be a red flag? Yeah, I I would think so. Because obviously there's a reason why you're not deleting them. Exactly. Your partner events about your fights to their friends.

SPEAKER_03 8:18

I don't think that's a red flag. Um, you gotta be able to talk to somebody about it. Now, if you're like, yeah, she's such a fucking bitch, fucking crazy ass bitch, that's different. But if you're talking, inventing, like, I don't know what to do here, this is the situation, I don't feel like I'm wrong, or she's wrong, you know, whatever. I don't think that's a red flag.

SPEAKER_04 8:42

I don't think so either. And I know a lot of people don't like it, but when I vent about something to my friends, it's not because I'm trying to bash the other person. I think it's because I want to get somebody else's perspective on it and see, like, was what I did okay, or right, you know, I just want to hear like kind of what they think about it, maybe. Right. Because sometimes it's hard to talk to that other person.

SPEAKER_03 9:06

Oh, absolutely. But also it plays in as like um, you know, you have those yes man friends that won't give you like their true, honest. It's just like yes, like I'm I'm not that friend. Like, if I think you did something wrong, I'm gonna, I'll, you know, I'm gonna be honest with you about it and be like, listen, you know, I can see both sides or whatever. So I I don't think that's a red flag.

SPEAKER_04 9:32

You gotta be able to talk to somebody, and hopefully it would be um like the friend would be the same sex as them, right? Because if it wasn't, then that's a whole nother problem, I think. Yeah, and I think we talked about it like last in our last episode. Like if they had a friend that of the opposite sex that they talked about all of your problems to right, right, then I think that's a problem, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:59

Unless the other person was like a lesbian, I was gonna say or like if it was where you guys were all friends and then two of you started dating, you know, where you all three knew each other very well, yeah. Then I could understand that. But if you're yeah, uh if you're just like calling like an old friend of yours, that's a girl, you know, yeah, or vice versa, only text you at certain times, red flag there with somebody, yeah, or they only want you for one thing. So this I agree, I agree, and this plays into though, like you know, where people will say, like, if you're too busy, how people will get upset because they're like, Hey, I I was really busy at work or something like that, you know, and they're like, Yeah, but if you would if you wanted to, you would um, I mean, there have been days like for me, I use my phone for work, so I'm constantly on my phone. There's been times where I have opened a message and have gone to respond, and I get a phone call and then I forget to go back and respond, but like just typical not answering because you're busy, you know, or only texting during certain times. Yeah, I think that's a huge red flag.

SPEAKER_04 11:16

Yeah, like if they only text you maybe like during work hours or like right and not late at night or just late at night, yeah. Yeah, that's a red flag, I think. Yeah, unless like it was like a hookup buddy and they only text you at night because right, because that's all it's then that's accepted, I guess, because that's what it is, exactly. Right, agreed. Okay, your partner wants to move in together quickly.

SPEAKER_03 11:44

Uh, I think this is a red flag. Um, I think that you know, when you first meet someone, it's like really exciting and you want to be with that person all the time, but you don't really know the small details of that person. You know what I mean? So when you jump in and that's and then when you move in with somebody and you don't know it doesn't work out, and then it's like, where do you go from here? Who moves out? Do you both move out? You guys have a house? Did you buy a house? Is it a lease? You know, so I think that's that's a red flag for me. Yeah, huge red flag.

SPEAKER_04 12:25

I mean it's hard because like when you do meet that person, you just want to be with them all the time, and you're pretty much together all the time, right? So it's almost like moving in, I guess. But yeah, like putting your name on something together, right? But I don't know, that one's hard.

SPEAKER_03 12:43

Yeah, I just I feel like that's a red flag. Okay, let's see here. What about gets jealous easily but calls it protective?

SPEAKER_04 12:58

Yeah, you have insecurities, yeah. Jealousy, like, okay, jealousy is like kind of nice because you know you got it like that, right? But um constant jealousy where you you like can't even do anything because every little thing. Oh my god, that's horrible. Yeah, that's a red flag, I think. They need to work out something within themselves, yeah, in order to how do I want to say this? They need to work something out within themselves, like that's not going to be the other person's problem, it's their own problem.

SPEAKER_03 13:34

Yeah, it's it's a them thing, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:38

Okay, how about your partner refuses to talk about past relationships?

SPEAKER_03 13:45

I think that is a red flag to a degree. Um, obviously, you don't want somebody who does nothing but talk about their past relationships, but if the person's not going to like, and I don't mean like right off the jump, you know, it because I think oversharing in the beginning is is too much, you know, like share enough, you know, be honest. But I think if you're not like willing to talk about anything from past relationships, I think that's a red flag.

SPEAKER_04 14:21

Me too. And okay, the thing with me though is I have I think it's called a retroactive jealousy, where when I hear something from their past, I get super jealous. Really? Yeah, it's horrible. Like what? Like, like what do you mean? If they were in a relationship before and they had a child together, and then I'm like, I I don't know, like I just like think so much about their past, yeah, and it just like fucking consumes me, dude. It's horrible, really so bad. And then I get in my head, and then I just get like mad or sad, right? And it doesn't happen all the time, it usually happens like right before I get my period. I just think about those things. I'm like hormones are a bitch, man. And I really can't help it. And like, and then when I'm off my period, I'm like, oh, I don't even give a fuck. Yeah, I think they'll like and I want to hear their past. Yeah, because I want to like want to be like, okay, what's their name? Like, I want to know everybody's slept with everything, I want to see what they look like. That's me, and then I'll just get fucking so depressed about it, yeah. But I have to know, I'm it literally ruins me, and I let it.

SPEAKER_03 15:31

I mean, there's been times where, like, you know, I like past relationships will come up or have come up in in my past relationship, you know, and it's like, oh, you know, or you'll hear something or a story, and like, oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:46

What about if they never ask you about your past relationships? I think that's a good question. Um, I and then they answer with, oh, I don't want to know because that's in the past for a reason. Yeah, no, I feel like they're like just low-key, don't give a fuck about you.

SPEAKER_03 16:05

Yeah, that could be a red flag. Like to not ask anything about your past relationships. I think that could be I think that could be a red flag. Like if you don't want to know anything about my pet, yeah, yeah. I think that could be a red flag. I do. Um what about someone who monitors your phone and social media like all the like all the time?

SPEAKER_04 16:32

All the time, red flag, yeah. You don't need unless I give you a reason to need to go through my phone.

SPEAKER_03 16:40

Well, that's what I was just gonna say.

SPEAKER_04 16:41

Yeah, but if there's if I give you no reason, or like sometimes you get a gut feeling, and you're like, I need to fucking look up yeah, and maybe your gut feeling is right, yep. But if you're looking through my phone all the time or looking at how many followers I have or how many people I follow all the time, that's too much. I agree. Okay, what about if you're in an argument and somebody swears at you or calls you meanes?

SPEAKER_03 17:17

Okay, I've been there, I've been on both sides of this, and I think that honestly could be a red flag. If you're if you immediately resort to calling someone nasty names, that is a huge red flag because that to me shows that you have no self-control. And if you're willing to immediately jump off the bat and call me, you know, some nasty name or or like play on insecurities that I have, I think that's a huge red flag.

SPEAKER_04 17:57

I saw something on TikTok the other day, and it said something about I'm trying to remember. It was like something like, if you can call me insulting names when we're fighting, then I don't remember what it was. Hold on, I'm trying to find it. Something just like then that's how they like that's really how they see you in their mind, or something like that. Yeah, something like that. Like if they can just swear at you, then immediately, like just because they're mad. It's like you know when they say like uh drunk drunk thoughts are um drunk words or sober thoughts, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think it's the same with anger. I think there's a degree that they feel that way towards you when they're angry. 100%. Because why is that just coming out?

SPEAKER_03 18:47

Yeah, I agree. If you're able to do that and you can't, and I mean, you know, emotions take over for a lot of people, you know, especially if it's like involving cheating and things like that, like you're it rips you to shreds, it just tears you apart. But I don't know. I I think even just in a basic argument, if you're able to just do that, that's a huge red flag.

SPEAKER_04 19:13

I think so too.

SPEAKER_03 19:15

What about stonewalls or goes silent during a disagreement or argument?

SPEAKER_04 19:19

That's me though. I go silent during an argument.

SPEAKER_03 19:22

Okay, I do too.

SPEAKER_04 19:24

I think it could be a red flag, but I also think it's like not talking during an argument. I don't think it's a red flag.

SPEAKER_03 19:32

I think it's like Do you not think it's a red flag because it's you?

SPEAKER_04 19:35

Yeah, no, literally, I'm perfect. Um, no, I don't think it's a red flag because some people like just respond differently. I like it's almost like deer and headlights for me sometimes. Yeah. And I don't know what to say, and I want to watch what I say because I don't want to say something that I don't mean. Right, right. Or I don't want to be too mean, and I I don't know, when somebody's like yelling at me, I just go like, like I said, deer in the headlights. Right. I don't know what to say.

SPEAKER_03 20:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:04

And when I do get into it, there's no stopping me. I can't stop after that. Right, right. So I'm like, why would I want to start that?

SPEAKER_03 20:12

Right. Um, I agree though. I think people pro like process things differently, and I think that some people, and I'm definitely one of those people where if it if it is something that I did, or there's just an argument about whatever, like even if I'm something I'm upset about, and that person starts like screaming or yelling or whatever, I I need time to process and I need a minute, like to collect my thoughts and to just sit with it for a minute, you know. Like I I definitely am one of those people. I not necessarily completely silent, like balls to the wall, no answer whatsoever for you know, mad long, but just I need a minute that's a hundred percent me.

SPEAKER_04 21:06

And sometimes even when I do say something back, it's not that it's not good enough, but it's like it doesn't even register in their mind because they're so irate already. Right. Um, that one's I don't think it's a red flag. I think if that's something I had to teach myself too, because I'm very impulsive. So of course I could like stand toe to toe with somebody. Right. But I've like taught myself that I just need to like calm down.

SPEAKER_03 21:35

Yeah. See, I think for me, I I always was that person who like clammed up, and now like I've had to teach myself to stand toe to toe.

SPEAKER_04 21:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:50

And to stick up for myself.

SPEAKER_04 21:53

I think I need to find a happy medium between clamming up and standing toe to toe. Because it's very hard for me to defend myself, as you can tell from work. I know. I it's very hard for me. And I also am so emotional. If I get fucking angry, I cry. I just ball my dick off. And that's so embarrassing. And I look like a fucking giant ass pussy in a fight because I'm just standing there crying. But I'm so fucking mad. I'm not sad. I'm fucking mad.

SPEAKER_03 22:24

Yeah. It's good to get that out though.

SPEAKER_04 22:26

Okay. Your partner's friend don't like you. Ooh.

SPEAKER_03 22:33

Now are we talking red flag for us? The per like I'm the problem or red flag like for the guy? That's a good thinking. That's a good thinking. Okay. I think I think all around that's a red flag. If we're talking about the guy, that's a red flag because he clearly has said something for them. Because who doesn't like me? Um I mean, but also that could be a red flag for the girl. For you know, if it was me, for example, and they were like, dude, I cannot stand this broad. Not like I just cannot stand her. There clearly is something. If it's like a group of friends that just don't like me, yeah, that's a problem.

SPEAKER_04 23:21

And I think it's very hard for guys to not like girls, but I do know of like a friend group, and their friend has a girlfriend that they just can't stand. Same, same. And then I think it's a girl problem because I feel like for a guy to hate a girl, that's very, very hard. You would have had to do something fucking crazy. Yeah, treat them like shit for a whole group of guy friends to not like you.

SPEAKER_03 23:43

That's that's a red flag. That's crazy. You're the problem. Yes, you're the problem. Dang, sing it, girl. Sing it, zissar.

SPEAKER_04 23:53

That was crazy.

SPEAKER_03 23:54

All right, what about dislikes independence? Like, can't does not have any independence whatsoever, needs to needs you to be with them at all times, yeah, and and just like every decision. Uh and I don't mean like finances when you're you know it, but just cannot be independent at all. Red flag, red flag, I agree.

SPEAKER_04 24:22

I feel like they would also probably be a mama's boy in that situation because obviously your mom did everything for you, and that's why you need another woman or man to be with you at all times, hold your hand, that or lacking parental, yeah, and they are looking for that, right? Yeah, yeah, I agree with that. No, I think that's a red flag. You should be as a grown-ass fucking man, you should be doing things independently, making your own decisions, respectfully, tying your own shoes, washing your own ass. Literally. Okay, so then the one we were just talking about, um, how we were saying that we cry during arguments or we cry when we get really mad. There is one that says your partner cries during arguments. Is that a red flag?

SPEAKER_03 25:10

Um, no, I I don't think it is. No, I think that I it doesn't, I don't know. Men crying, I think sometimes like I I don't look at that like a problem if a guy cries once. I'm not talking like being a pussy ass bitch and like crying over everything, but like, you know, if if you if you make a guy cry and they show that, that's them showing emotion. They they're emotionally, I think, emotionally mature to the degree where they can at least allow themselves to be emotional, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_04 25:49

What if they're just crying to manipulate you?

SPEAKER_03 25:51

Ooh, that's red fucking flag.

SPEAKER_04 25:57

Huge red flag.

SPEAKER_03 25:58

And if they are that good at doing that, just lock them in a jail cell and throw away the keys. They're they're a problem.

SPEAKER_04 26:06

Story jacket, a little padded room for them.

SPEAKER_03 26:08

Seriously, that's a problem. What about no goals? Like they have a job, they work, they make money, you know, they have their own apartment or whatever, but they don't have like they don't have goals.

SPEAKER_04 26:25

Oh I mean, I feel like they're doing just enough to get by, but they don't want to better themselves, agreed. So I think it's the red flag. I think you should always have goals, whether it's financially, um, personally, maybe even like wanting to travel like as your goal, you should have something that you want to work towards. I agree. Because if you are okay sitting at a job, going home, playing your game, you know, just doing the same thing every day, and you don't care about doing better or you know, any of that stuff, I think that's a huge red flag. I think we should always work to make ourselves better. I agree. Like, I have too many goals I'll probably never even accomplish before I die, but they're there.

SPEAKER_01 27:05

Same.

SPEAKER_04 27:07

I also think this is crazy, and a lot of people don't like traveling, but I think if you don't like traveling, that's a red flag. Why do you not want to leave the town you're in? Yeah, like that's so like when I hear people and they're like, Oh, I've never left the state, and maybe like some kids, you know, when we were younger, a lot of kids didn't really leave the state, maybe because their parents didn't have the means, or maybe their parents just don't want to. But now that we're like grown and older and we're we have our own jobs and you know, making our own money, I think it's weird that people don't want to travel. Why do you not want to see those things? Yeah, I agree. And like where I'm from, a lot of people not uh this is hard, but they other cultures to them is like they don't want it, they don't want to see it, they don't care. But I I love to travel, yeah, and I think I think it that if you don't like to travel, it's a red flag.

SPEAKER_03 27:59

Yeah, even if you don't go out of the country, like you can still go out of the state or even the even the city, you know what I mean? Like hiking, you know, in a different part of New York, but just to get out of like your element, you know.

SPEAKER_04 28:12

Why would you not want to? Yeah, like especially the town I grew up in, it was so fucking small. Like, of course, they've been out of that town, obviously. Right. Because the closest Walmart was like 20 minutes away, so they would have to leave the town to go to Walmart, you know what I mean? But yeah, I if I could spend my whole life traveling, I would. Yeah. I so I think it's a red flag if you don't like to travel. For me anyway, right?

SPEAKER_03 28:36

I got a good one. Finances and decision making, they have total control of. No, red flag. Okay, hell no. So, like, if and this could be I know there's probably different elements of this, but it could be where you're with somebody and they're like, No, I don't want you to work, you stay at home, I'll I'll work and make the money. Um, but again, that gives you no independence whatsoever. It's almost like they're taking away your your independence, your like freedom, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:12

Yeah, yeah. No, I would, I mean, that's some people love to be a stay-at-home mom and like let their fat the father of their children provide for them, and that's totally fine. But I I'm so weird about my money, like I have to make my own money, I have to constantly have an income coming in, yeah. And I'm very particular about where it goes.

SPEAKER_03 29:32

Same. We talk about this a lot.

SPEAKER_04 29:33

Yeah, that that would literally fucking destroy me. Yeah, I could not. I I couldn't either I've also the way men use money. Hell no. Are you kidding me? It's terrible. No, men are the worst with money, yeah. Swear to god. They say girls like to shop. Man, they do, but we do, but we do it in moderation. Most of us, some of us, I'm sure there's yeah, not all girls are good at money.

SPEAKER_03 30:03

No, and there's a lot of girls out there. I dude, it is crazy when I see these interviews with some of these women, and they're like, Yeah, I need a man that makes $5.7 million a year.

SPEAKER_00 30:16

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 30:17

And I'm like, what?

SPEAKER_04 30:19

Just work.

SPEAKER_03 30:20

It just wants when they can make their car payment.

SPEAKER_04 30:23

If their current is $5.7 million a year, and buy groceries. No, literally. Have you ever seen the clips of like um his name's Caleb Hammer, I think, and he does financial audit on TikTok, and like he brings in these people and they're like, okay, he goes, What do you make? And then what's your debt? And then he'll look at their credit card statements, and there was a girl who's flying. She doesn't work, her husband works, they're on all his debt. I mean, he has a pretty good job, and she would fly to the state that they used to live in just to get her hair done, and her hair would cost her like fucking $400 at a time. Plus the fucking hotel, like all the shit. Sometimes I think girls take advantage of that a lot. They do. I could never even be that, like, I could not. I don't know. Even with my own money, I can't be like, oh yeah, let me go spend $400. My hair I never brush. Like, fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:18

Seriously, I sweat over spending $20 on a hairbrush. It's like, come on. I know. Jesus. No.

SPEAKER_04 31:27

Yeah, no, they I would not like. I don't think even if it was a girl though controlling all the finances, I think it should be a joint responsibility. I think it's a red flag if one person has total control of your finances.

SPEAKER_03 31:39

I agree. And that, like you said earlier, that works for some people. There's stay-at-home dads, there's stay-at-home moms. If that works for you, then that works for you. But in my opinion, I think if someone wants to control all the finances and and the other person has no say and or they have to ask permission, I think that's a huge red flag. Yeah, that's so cringe. Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_04 32:03

Okay, your partner keeps their phone face down all the time. Oh, red flag. Red flag. Red flag. Sometimes I do it though, like not even realizing I do it. Yeah, me too. And then like thought.

SPEAKER_03 32:15

Yeah. But no, if it's down like that all the time.

SPEAKER_04 32:18

Or what if it's like constantly in their pocket?

SPEAKER_03 32:21

That or constantly like, oh, what about having notif like all notifications turned off, silenced, red flag? Yeah, red flag. Red flag.

SPEAKER_04 32:33

Like a lot of my like um like my Instagram and Facebook notifications are off. That's because if I didn't have them off, you know how like Facebook does now. Oh, somebody posted something you may like. I turn those off. I fuck this.

SPEAKER_03 32:45

Yeah, no, I'm I turn all that shit off. Instagram does the same too, like with that meta AI stuff. Also, because yeah, like if I get a private message, it'll pop up. Um, but I it's also just another reason that I'm sitting there scrolling, you know. I open it and I'm sitting there scrolling, but like text notifications, you know, Instagram, all of that, and your phone is on silent all the time or face down, red flag.

SPEAKER_04 33:12

The only ones I really even have open anymore is like messages, phone. Yep. I don't even have my email on there. Yeah. And like, I don't know. A lot of my I think I only have a couple that's actually turned on because oh, the ring app to see you know the camera on the front door. Right. But other than that, I turned them all off because if I had them all on, my phone would just be lit up all fucking day. And not even from like messages, from like stupid notice notifications.

SPEAKER_03 33:42

Or like somebody that you're following posted, it's like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 33:46

Or I had to turn all that off. I haven't posted anything on Instagram since June 5th, 2025. But like if I just posted something and people were liking it, it'd be like like, like, like, like, like. Oh.

SPEAKER_03 34:00

Oh, I got a good one. Snapchat. So what if you're dating someone and they have Snapchat, which is fine. Most people do, but their score goes up like constantly every day.

SPEAKER_04 34:22

Okay, so I like for my generation, a lot of people do streaks. I have two streaks with my friends. That's it. I love how you say from my generation. From my generation. But like there's some people that have like like one of my best friends, when we were in high school, she used to have like fucking like 47 different streaks, and she would have to keep them every day. If you send that to somebody, that's 47 points. If they send you one back, that's another 47 points. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 34:47

Okay, but also why are we doing that? Why are we spending our entire day with streaks on Snapchat? What? No, that's stupid.

SPEAKER_04 34:56

Why are we doing that? I mean, I have the two because I do talk to them regularly, but yeah, I never got that. Yeah and then it would fucking like give you anxiety when you see the little um oh my god thing. That's why I don't have them. I think they're stupid. I don't even go on Snapchat like that either. Usually it's for the group chat, yeah. But um a lot of social media I don't even use anymore. I yeah. Instagram I go to scroll, but I don't go to post. Facebook, I barely post, I just go to scroll. Yeah, Snapchat. I only talk to my friends, sometimes look at the stories, but usually I just look at like celebrity stories that I follow. Yep.

SPEAKER_03 35:37

I usually use Instagram the most, I'd say.

SPEAKER_04 35:40

And I I think I use Facebook the most because I just scroll and they have like the reels on them, so I watched Yeah, that's what I do on Instagram, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:48

And that if I go on Facebook, that's what it's for, is like the reels, or in fucking stalking, honestly.

SPEAKER_04 35:54

Just really getting a good feel about somebody's life. Exactly. Yeah, no, that's a red flag.

SPEAKER_03 35:59

Um what about not having like a close friendship with somebody? Like they don't have a good close friend that they talk to regularly, or doesn't necessarily have to be like a best friend, but like they don't have like a close-I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 36:20

That's hard. Like I know there's guys out there that have like best friends in their group of buddies or whatever, but some guys maybe they care about it, but sometimes I feel like they're like they're not like girls, right? I don't think. Yeah, I mean some guys can be, but like I think if they don't have one friend that they can like confide in like stuff, okay. Then that's that's a red flag. Or like hang out with, yeah. But then you have those people that were like bullied in high school and like they just really never had any friends, or it's hard for them to make friends, that's sad. I know and that's not their fault, I don't think. No, I don't I just think maybe high school was traumatizing for them or any school, yeah. It could be, and they just haven't really worried about making friends, yeah. I don't know. I don't think guys make friends as easily as girls can, but then sometimes it's hard for girls to make friends too.

SPEAKER_03 37:10

I yeah, I agree. I think um I think women are more judgmental, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:16

But guys are very particular about who they hang out with. I think you think so? Yeah, if you didn't grow up with them, I think it would take a lot, or if you didn't work with somebody, it would take a lot for guys to be like, Oh yeah, he's cool, I'll hang out regularly. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 37:32

Yeah, they're not I see what you're saying. Women are different that way.

SPEAKER_04 37:36

Sometimes guys will be like, hang out with some guy, and they'll be like, oh my god, he's fucking weird, or he's a douchebag. Like we do the same thing, girls do that, yeah. They do so. I don't know, if they don't have at least one person to confide in, I would it would depend on the situation.

SPEAKER_03 37:52

Yeah, yeah. All right, what about trauma dumps the first few dates? Like, you know, just lays it out on like the first couple dates about their past relationship or no, yeah. I agree. That is a red flag. That's embarrassing. What if what if they just feel that comfortable?

SPEAKER_04 38:16

Don't like why do I know more about your past than I do of you? You know what I mean? Show me the Jimmy first, and then we can talk about your past. I think I'm kidding. No, Dad, if you're listening to this, I was kidding. That was a total joke. It was a joke.

SPEAKER_03 38:32

What do you call it? The jimmy, the Jimmy. The Johnson. Oh yeah, the Johnson. Oh my god. Uses jealousy as validation. Like, oh, um this girl private chatted me. Um, or this girl said this um in a message or whatever to get you upset. Don't do that.

SPEAKER_04 39:08

Oh that would make me so upset, and then I would think about it for ages. I'd be like, oh my god, she's mad. And I bet they're still talking. Yeah. I'd be like, What do they say? He's on his phone. What's he talking about? Peek over the shoulder like this. Let me get a little pair of binoculars. Binoculars? Binoculars. Hello. Just peek over.

SPEAKER_03 39:27

What about private privacy screens and the phone? Hmm.

SPEAKER_04 39:32

You know, we were at the gym the other day. Yeah. Shocker, I know. And there was this guy, and he was on the machine, and I was he was like doing something on his phone. And not that I was like peeking, but I looked over, I'm like, his phone's completely fucking black. Like, why is he acting like he's hyping? Because the green like you. He's probably watching porn. Oh my god, do you imagine? No, right at the gym in the gym, boxed out with like a boner. Speaking of boners, pull hard on. Okay. Red flag or green flag? Your partner asks you not to post revealing photos anymore.

SPEAKER_03 40:11

I mean, obviously it depends on how freaking revealing we're talking, but I don't I don't think that's a red flag. If their partner's like, can you not post, you know, really revealing photos?

SPEAKER_04 40:29

Yeah, and then you have um girls whose like boyfriends, like they don't hate it, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 40:38

They don't, it doesn't bother them.

SPEAKER_04 40:39

Like maybe it's more like celebrities, but if they post like, you know, bathing suit photos or like lingerie photos, and they're like hyping them up in the comments. Yeah. So I think that's maybe why we think it could be a red flag because there's other girls whose boyfriends don't care. Right, right. Or are just supportive of them.

SPEAKER_03 40:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:58

Agreed. I mean, guys don't really post revealing photos. Bullshit. I mean they're all over the place. If your wiener's not out, it's not really that revealing.

SPEAKER_03 41:07

Okay, well, what if they're just in underwear and it's why are they doing that? Then they're showing themselves off. Why are they doing all that? Why are girls doing what they do?

SPEAKER_04 41:21

Attention, hello. I don't think your partner should tell you what or what not to post.

SPEAKER_03 41:27

Oh god. But I can tell you one of those. Um really so he's not allowed to tell you what you can and can't post, but you're allowed to tell him. But I I have respect. Oh my god. So I'm not going to do that. Okay. But if you were going to do that, that would be the case. No, it's gotta be a two-way street. We disagree on this one. Oh, a disagreement. A disagreement. I think it has to be a two-way street. I think that I mean you're right, women have more to show off than men do. Yes, I agree with you on that. But if a woman is literally, you know, hosting all these ridiculous just just be single. My god, we settled it. Just be single. Okay. I don't know. I disagree with that one.

SPEAKER_04 42:39

Your partner says men and women can't truly just be friends. I disagree with that.

SPEAKER_03 42:47

I I do. I disagree. There's so many like these of these questions that are asked, and then you think of like different scenarios or or different circumstances. I have friends that are male, that are just friends, not attracted to them in any way, have huge love for them, but they are just my friends. I can hang out with them, I can go out with them, have them over. It's nothing more than friends. But if I was in a relationship with somebody, I would want them to be comfortable around them and meet them and know that it is just friends. Now, obviously, like if I just had one of my guy friends over one night who might be an attractive guy, and even though I don't have that attraction to him, I think that would be a red flag, and that per my person I'm talking to would have the right to be upset about it. You know, I think that's crossing a boundary, unless they just didn't give a fuck.

SPEAKER_04 43:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:57

But I know. How you feel about this one. But same, like if I, you know, if there's guys out there who have friends that are just girls, or you know, have a friend, oh my god, stroking out over here, has a friend that is a female, and there's no attraction, they're just friends. But again, if she's really attractive, I might feel some type of way. Yeah. Or not might, I would feel some type of way. You know what I mean? So there's boundaries.

SPEAKER_04 44:32

Okay. Your partner says they wouldn't date someone with kids.

SPEAKER_03 44:37

Red flag. That's not a partner. Yeah. And it's not for everybody. Like if someone says, I don't want children, I'm not good with children, I, you know, whatever, they children are not for everybody, and I respect that. It's I like I don't look at people like, oh, you're never gonna have kids, because there's people out there who do that. Yeah. If someone doesn't want kids, I respect that. Like it's not for everybody. But if there's a guy out there I'm talking to who's like, me, I don't really want to date someone with children. Then you should just cut it off early. A hundred percent. Don't even waste another millisecond of your time.

SPEAKER_04 45:19

So that question's kind of loaded because it says your partner, so you're already with them and you have kids already, and they knew that. Why would they even get into that situation?

SPEAKER_03 45:28

Okay, or maybe it's you're dating someone and they say, Well, yeah, you said so I don't want to get away from the kids. They wouldn't do one kids, but you're like here and with a kid. And then you're like, Yeah. If you date someone that says, I don't really want children, you gotta be on the same page with as that, you know, where you neither one of you want kids or you want children, he doesn't, move on.

SPEAKER_04 45:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:51

If that's a deal breaker.

SPEAKER_04 45:52

I I don't think that's a red flag because it it can be very hard.

SPEAKER_03 45:58

Agreed. But if you're dating someone and you have a child, and you know they quite literally have offspring, yeah, then that's a red flag. Yeah, like what are you doing? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:13

Or like, how about if you have kids and you're like talking to somebody or dating them and they just have no interest in asking any questions about them?

SPEAKER_03 46:22

Yeah, that to me is like um, I mean, again, you don't want to like overshare everything and like you know, freak them out like in the beginning. But if you're dating someone and you have a child and the other person does not, and they're not interested in anything to do with your children, I think that's a red flag. Yeah, I agree. You you come with baggage, you have a child, it's not going anywhere. What about if you're what's your stance on? Well, okay, so say you're dating a man who has a child with somebody else, okay, those two are not together anymore, and you're dating this guy now, and the man brings the child around you, it's very early on, and you meet his child, okay, and the mother does not know about it, or you know, she's not aware that this other woman's meeting her child, you know she's not aware, and you've met the child early on. Do you think that guy is a red flag? If you were in that situation, it depends.

SPEAKER_04 47:40

Like, does he do it this often with like a lot of women? Because if that's so, yeah, that's probably a red flag. But if it's like, I don't know, that's hard because sometimes people can be like, oh no, I don't want my kid around anybody. Right. And I can totally understand that. However, if how are you gonna have any chance of dating somebody that's not them if you can't like okay, you could bring it up, but then what are they gonna do? Right. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_03 48:09

Yeah. I personally, if that happened to me, where I was dating someone, and it was like very early on, and there was no, I mean like early on, okay. And that person just brought their child over, and the mother, I mean again, circumstance, but I don't know. To me, I feel like that would be moving very fast.

SPEAKER_04 48:40

I mean, if you know, you know, but I feel like there needs to be a conversation, and as like now that I'm a mother, I would want to meet anybody that's going to meet my son. Correct, exactly. No, like I want to meet that person. There's people who don't want to meet them. No, I want to meet them. There's way too many horror stories out there of like step parents and you know, you know, like unfortunately doing horrible things to the kids, right? And you just don't know, like I would want to meet the person probably even before they met my kid.

SPEAKER_03 49:09

Well, right, I yeah, or or in the transition, you know, like meeting. Um, yeah, I agree. What about as a woman? If you are never willing to allow your child to meet someone that your ex is dating, if you just have full control and you never do you feel like that woman would be a red flag.

SPEAKER_04 49:44

I mean, probably, but I would I would be that person. I don't know if I would ever want them to meet somebody because I wouldn't want them to take not like take my place because I never could take my place because I'm his mom, but you know, act the part when I'm not there. I see. That wouldn't I would have to do a lot of maturing in order for that to happen. And that would be very hard for me.

SPEAKER_03 50:07

Well, at least you're honest. I uh see now for me, I feel as long as though I met that person and I knew, you know, like I wasn't hearing, because everybody knows everybody, like horror stories about them. If I knew and was able to meet that person and have a respectable conversation, the more positive people my child's life would be would be, you know, better, obviously. So better person than I am. You know, it's not, it's not, it's definitely not easy, but who am I to say that that person can't move on? But if they're gonna be around my child, they have to be, you know, a good person for my child to be around. I had a situation where um my ex was seeing this woman and he came up to pick up, he came to pick up his daughter and um wanted me to meet her, and I come outside and I'm standing there, and he literally puts my kid in the car and does not I had to introduce myself. Yeah, it was like so I was oh my god, yeah, that shit really pissed me right off.

SPEAKER_04 51:32

Yeah, I could imagine that would send me over the edge. Yeah, it would take a lot for me to even walk out there and meet the person.

SPEAKER_03 51:40

Really?

SPEAKER_04 51:41

Yeah, I'm like, okay, I want to meet them, but like I don't want to meet them, but I know I need to meet them. What about sharing location?

SPEAKER_03 51:49

Oh, I was just gonna say that.

SPEAKER_04 51:51

Really?

SPEAKER_03 51:52

Yes. Do you think that's a red flag? Uh no. I I don't. If you're with someone and you both want to share your location with each other, I don't I don't think that's I don't. Um now if it's like a really unhealthy relationship and they're just constantly viewing your location and then like accusing you of things even with the location, I think that's a red flag. I think that's a huge problem. But just to share location with each other, no, I do not think that's red flag. I don't think that's a red flag either. No. Um, what about someone who only texts but never calls?

SPEAKER_04 52:41

Oh, I have a good one after this. Only text but never calls. I love phone calls. Yeah, I'm a phone call over texting any day. However, over text, I can say more. Like more. You're more confident in polling. Yeah. I think that's kind of a red flag.

SPEAKER_03 52:56

I like time and I like calls. I I agree. If a person's not willing to pick up the phone and call ever, yeah, and all they want to do is text. I think that's a red flag.

SPEAKER_04 53:06

I think that's a red flag too. What about somebody that only uses Snapchat as communication? Huge red flag.

SPEAKER_03 53:11

That's terrible. They literally deletes absolutely not. Yeah, I know, absolutely not. Don't even talk to me. I'm blocking you.

SPEAKER_04 53:21

It's embarrassing if you're not like if you're over the age of 21, you probably shouldn't only use Snapchat. No. What about that's cringe because then they can just get away with not saying anything and like just send a picture on themselves. Like if I wanted to be disappointed, brother. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:40

What about a guy that sends a dick pic like very early on?

SPEAKER_04 53:45

Is it solicited or unsolicited? You didn't ask for it. So unsolicited.

SPEAKER_03 53:51

Yeah, you guys are just talking, but he sends Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04 53:54

So this has something to do with it. But I read somewhere where it's like if somebody can talk about their talk about sex really early on, they're more in touch with their body than they are with their emotions or something like that. It kind of rings true, I have to think. Do I think that's a red flag? Yeah. Yeah. That's cringe. Also, if you're showing me your wiener this early on, like do you want a relationship or you do you just want me to touch it?

SPEAKER_03 54:24

What about a guy that asks for a picture of you early on? Wants you to send pictures?

SPEAKER_04 54:35

No. Oh, I'm 25 and I'm grown. Um, yeah, no, probably not. Yeah, red flag. But then what if you're like talking to somebody and you really, really like them and you go to have sex with them and they just pull out this fucking micro penis?

SPEAKER_03 54:52

Then what the oh my god. Seriously, what if you're what if you're seeing the guy who's like really, really hot, great body, really hot, wicked good personality, like just all around. Like you're like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 55:09

Yes. He's the fucking one. He's so nice, whips it out. Nothing to whip out. It's like inverted. Looks literally like a mushroom, just a tiny little mushroom. What would you do in that scenario? You could play Super Mario Brothers and jump on it. You know how they jump on like those little mushrooms to get bigger.

SPEAKER_00 55:34

Well what would you do?

SPEAKER_04 55:36

Oh my god, I don't know. Do you laugh in that situation? No, you can't laugh. Bad, he'd probably hang himself with your shoelaces. I'd it would have to be like, okay, and then never speak to them ever again. Just ghost.

SPEAKER_03 55:57

I lost my phone number. I didn't pay my bill, my phone got it.

SPEAKER_04 56:02

I throw mine in the nearest body of water ever. Along with myself. I put cinder blocks on my feet. Oh my god. If you were a boy, do you think you would have a big wiener?

SPEAKER_03 56:16

Me personally? Yeah. Uh I don't know. I'm really short. Probably not. Yeah, I'd be packing. Do you think you'd have an average one? Yeah, I think I'd have an average one.

SPEAKER_04 56:28

I wonder what I would have. What do you think I would have? You probably have some big ass. Some big ass hairy balls. All balls non-cocked. That would be me. That's so sad. Oh, I don't want huge balls. Elephant of the balls. That's embarrassing. I'm sorry. I would like to believe that mine would be hanged to my knee. I think you would have a big one. And I think I would wear really tight pants so that people could always see it. I'd just yeah. I would only wear gray sweatpants. Ooh.

SPEAKER_03 57:11

Gray sweatpants season. That's hilarious. What about a guy that has no social media? How old are they? In between your age and mine. And they have no social media at all.

SPEAKER_04 57:27

I don't really think that's that bad. There's a lot of guys that don't really have every single social media platform.

SPEAKER_03 57:34

Yeah. I agree. I mean, I up until recently, like the only thing I use, like I said earlier, was Instagram. I had a Facebook, but I didn't post a lot or anything like that.

SPEAKER_04 57:47

Yeah. But there are, yeah, I feel like there are guys out there that but if there's quite literally nothing. No, you know what? I would have to know their age and then like about them. Yeah. Because some people are like are like, oh, I don't have any. And then you get to know them and you're like, oh yeah, you wouldn't you don't trip over that stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That shit doesn't bother you. That doesn't really bother me, no. Yeah. Honestly, good for you if you don't have it. Thank God. What about meeting a guy at a bar? Not a red flag.

SPEAKER_03 58:17

Not a red flag? Mm-mm. No?

SPEAKER_04 58:19

Mm-mm. What about guys that never go to the bar? Not a red flag. Period. No. Do you have any red flags about yourself? Oh god. I probably have a ton. Like me personally. That you notice. That you know are red flags, but you just do it anyway.

SPEAKER_03 58:40

Yeah, sometimes like rage bait. Like I'll get pissed and like fly off the handle. And then, like I said, other times, like when it's face-to-face argument, I will just like completely close down. But sometimes rage bait, huge red flag.

SPEAKER_04 58:57

Yeah, I love to rage bait. Yeah. Like, fuck you. Would you date me if I'm a worm? Do you ever say that? Like that trend on TikTok rage baiting my boyfriend. Yeah. And then they're like, Yeah, if I was a worm, would you date me? Yeah. Why is a grown man dating a worm?

SPEAKER_03 59:12

Or where they're like, You're in a room with 50 men women, who do you pick? And then the guy's like, Why would I be in a room with 50 women?

SPEAKER_04 59:21

Or there's this one girl, and she's like, You have a girl that's a friend, her name's Natalie. What do you call her? And the guy's like, Nat, and she goes, Well, why do you have a friend that's a girl? Yeah, yeah. It's so funny. I love those.

SPEAKER_03 59:35

Like if I did something wrong, like avoiding conflict to the degree of where like I can't even. Um, how do I say like if I did something wrong, I'm I don't want conflict so bad. So instead of dealing with the issue, I avoid the issue. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, no, I get that.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:00

I'm the same way. Who wants to be told they've done something wrong? I'm a good girl. Exactly. Yeah, no, I have that too. I'm I'm very avoidant with that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah. Do you ever like do something wrong and then they bring it up, but they've done it too, so you just like say, Oh, well, you did it too.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:23

A hundred percent. And that is, I think I don't think that's so much a red flag, I think it's more a maturity thing. Um God, relationships are so fucking hard and confusing because there's that level of um being able to discuss it and being able to be emotional, but also if you they have done the same thing and then you do it and they bring it up, it's like, yeah, but you did not that that makes it right, but it's hypocritical. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:05

I'm I'm very notorious for when I'm in an argument bringing up the past.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:10

I do that too. I absolutely do that too. Or where you think things I I don't so much do this, I do it if something comes up about me that they've done, like I definitely have bring, I'll bring up the past. Um, but if it's like something that's happened and you feel like you've worked through it, and then you're in another argument months down the road about something completely different, and they bring that up where it's like already been resolved, though. I think that's a huge red flag, yeah. Not saying I've never done it, but I think that's a huge red flag.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:51

Do you think that being in an argument with somebody and like when you're in the argument or when you guys are like still kind of disagreeing, but you're not arguing about it anymore? Do you think it's a red flag if they don't come up and like hug you or even just talk to you normal? Like if they can just avoid you all day.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:10

Is it something like you did? Or is it something they did? Either or if it's something you did and they're ignoring you, even though you've kind of talked about it a little bit and you're not like screaming, yelling, arguing, and they just ignore you. I feel like that's them just emotionally processing it. So I don't so much I mean if they're completely ignoring you and like won't answer you, that's not cool. Um, if it's something they did and they're avoiding it entirely and just not talking to you, I I think that's a problem. Yeah, I I don't like that.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:53

What is a green flag?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:56

Hmm. A green flag, I would say, does need their own time. And I don't mean just goes off like the map, but wants their own time as well.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:11

Has hobbies that don't include you. I think that's a green flag.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:14

I do too. Has um a good family connection, you know, like has a close relationship with her family for the most part.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:23

Yeah. Um is a virgin, that's a green flag. No past bodies. Uh just kidding, of course.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:36

I don't think you'd find that much anymore. Probably not. I think someone who is takes care of themselves, you know. Yeah. Um, like someone who actually schedules appointments that they need, um who doesn't procrastinate important things. Um you know, takes takes care of important things.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:02

Responsible.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:04

Takes care of their themselves mentally, emotionally, physically.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:08

Financially.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:09

Yeah. I think that's a huge green flag.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:12

Me too. Okay, here's a good one. Is it a red flag or green flag? If your partner watches porn.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:38

Ooh, this is a good one. Okay. I I definitely would not say it's a green flag at all. I think it's more of a red flag. Especially if it's someone who watches porn all the time. Um, you know, a lot of people watch porn, men and women. So it is what it is. But for me, I think plus it plays into that insecurity of are they only thinking about that? Or are you you know what I mean? Is just what they're thinking about all the time, is that um, so I think it is closer to a red flag if they watch it.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:26

Yeah, that would make me way too insecure.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:28

Yeah. And if they're in a relationship, why do you need porn? Why do you need porn?

SPEAKER_04 1:05:35

Yeah, I agree. There's that's a good one. There's this girl on Instagram. I don't even remember her name, but her husband used to have a really bad porn addiction. And now they've both found Jesus. And she posts about it regularly. Like, now that he's clean. Yeah, and there's also don't be like that.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:55

Well, she did not really. Yeah, she talks about it openly and like post photos, and it's like. There's also a guy that I have seen on Instagram who openly talks about how he had like a severe porn addiction and he's found God and he like has like this whole seminar about it.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:16

See if you're talking about yourself, I think that's okay. If a wife is like, he's clean and we found God, and this is how we got through his porn addiction. Yeah, that's a little I'm like, please stop airing out my business.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:28

Yeah, that's so embarrassing.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:33

I mean, that's yeah, that's a little much. Also, as a woman, I would never post that because people would be like, oh, if you guys are together, why is he on porn? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:42

Be like, okay, period. What about couples who watch porn together? Freaky. I don't think that's bad. If you're doing it together, that's fine. Yeah. Agreed. I don't know if I could do it though. I think I would laugh. Yeah, it's like I I mean I've no, this would be my face. I think it could be good if you're both into it, you know, to try different things, I guess, or whatever.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:10

But at that point, get the Kama Sutra.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:14

Yeah. My god, you want to know embarrassing story? Oh, please. So when I was at Kini when I was at Kenesius College, it was a Jesuit school. So we all had to take like philosophy and religious studies. My religious studies teacher was, I can't remember if he was like a preacher, a reverend. Oh, reverend. He was a reverend. And we were talking about like Hinduism, and the Kama Sutra got brought up. And he goes, Who knows what the Kama Sutra is? I was the only motherfucker to raise my hand. Oh my god. He was like kind of giggling. He goes, Do you want to tell them what it is? I'm like, no. And it was like around like Ash Wednesday, so all the kids came in with fucking crosses on their forehead. Like, and I'm like the only one without it on my forehead. Oh my god. I'm like, probably not. No. Like, I can't believe this place didn't set fire as soon as I walked in. What am I doing here? Oh my god. Yeah, that was pretty embarrassing. That's hilarious. Have you ever been in Adult World? Yes. The one on the boulevard? Mm-hmm. I've only been there once.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:19

Uh, what about the one in Mandydale?

SPEAKER_00 1:08:21

Mm-mm.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:22

I've been in there too. Is that one better? Um, it's smaller. Oh. Adult World's already fucking tiny. Well, this one's pretty tiny too. Really? I can't. I think this one though has the back room. The one on the boulevard does. It does too. Yeah, that's right. It does. I was just curious about going. I kind of want to go back to see like what it's all about. I know. Do they watch videos or is there actually women back there? That's what I'm not sure of. I don't know if it's actual women or if it's could you just videos? But if it's videos, why would you go and pay for that when everyone has a cell phone?

SPEAKER_04 1:08:59

I know. So I think there's like low key women back there. Can you imagine going back there with like a black light? Oh yeah. Ignorance is bliss. I would never turn it on. Oh my god. I would just be so embarrassed. This is so off topic, but I would be so embarrassed to go up to the register with like half a silicone body because you know how they sell like the tits down for the pus. I would be so embarrassed. Be like, yeah, I'll just take one of these, slap it right on the tit.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:30

Right on the butt cheek. Walk up with two fingers and the pussy out of like a fucking finger. You gotta scan the bottom.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:41

That would be so embarrassing. I think that I would never need one of those. What about guys that date strippers?

SPEAKER_03 1:09:51

What's your take on that? Or get or hold on. What about red flag, green flag guys that go to strip clubs? I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:04

Really? I really don't know. I feel like that's a red flag. Outwardly?

SPEAKER_03 1:10:11

What if it's like a bachelor party? No. Period. If you're dating someone and they're spending money to go to a strip club to watch other women take their clothes off, that's a red flag for me. Yeah. And you miss insecurity, would not think that.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:28

Here she is like a walking ball of insecurities.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:31

I don't know. But if I see him follow a new girl, that's it.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:34

But he's allowed to be done. He's done. I don't know. I don't think that would bother me really. Unless it's like one of those happy ending ones. You know how sometimes they do more in the back. Honestly, I don't know if that would bother me. If they did it a lot. Oh my kid. Yeah, maybe that would bother me. But if they went, I don't think that would bother me. Really?

SPEAKER_03 1:10:56

Wow. That was crazy of me to say, but I'm so serious. Wow. Okay. It would bother me. It'd piss me right off. No, I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:07

It depends on which one they're going to. Oh, okay. Well, I don't know what any of these strippers look like. I would want them to go to like the most disgusting whatever. And I'd be okay with that.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:19

Some of them are pretty nasty. Have you ever been to a strip club? You haven't? I did.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:25

And what was your take? Did you get a lap dance? I did. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:34

Oh my goodness. I went it was a while back. Back in my day. How was it for you? I mean, it was whatever.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:44

It was what do you go again?

SPEAKER_03 1:11:46

No. Maybe.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:48

Which one did you go to?

SPEAKER_03 1:11:49

That one over. Oh god, talk about it. I probably shouldn't say the name of it.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:54

Why?

SPEAKER_03 1:11:54

I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:55

What county is it in?

SPEAKER_03 1:11:56

It's in our county. Bada bang. It is that the one that's over by Salina. No.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:03

That one's maybe it was Bada Bang. I think Bada Bing's on the corner of like um fuck. What is that street? Not Park Street, but it's like over there. By the mall. Almost, yeah. Like you have to cross Hiawatha.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:15

Yeah, and then the malls written. I think it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think it's Bada Bing. I think it was Bada Bang. It was on a corner, right? I think so. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:22

Yeah, that's what I would do. I don't know if they're open anymore, are they? Yeah, they are. Oh, really? Yeah, it's one of my pants. Maybe I shouldn't apply. You'd probably make bank. Probably not. Probably. If it was a plus size trip of club, maybe.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:35

Oh god. Yeah, I mean, it was it was whatever.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:40

Also, I would be like my body would be frictioning down the pole. I'd just be slapping. My skin's just all peeled off because I didn't put enough like oil on. Maybe oil. Just sliding around like a fucking seal on the stage. That'd be so embarrassing.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:00

Actually, I've also been to when they had Alpine.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:03

Where was that one? That one's over by Butternut. Butternate. Yeah. Oh, yes. Right across from the Kinney Drugs. Yeah. Right by St. Joe's almost. Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:16

Yeah. When that one used to be open.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:18

Oh yeah. They got like noise citations, I think, and that's why they have to close them. There was fights on. I'm fucking Butternut, dude.

unknown 1:13:24

No.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:25

Why are you noise citationing people on Butternut? Seriously. They don't even have a Burger King anymore.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:32

Oh, I don't know that I eat Burger King over there.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:34

I did once.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:36

Do you shoot your pants? No, it's fine. Thank God. But what about dating a guy that works at a strip club?

SPEAKER_04 1:13:42

Why is he working there?

SPEAKER_03 1:13:43

Is he a stripper?

unknown 1:13:45

No.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:46

Oh. Security. Why are you protecting other girls? Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:53

So it's okay if he goes to a strip club, but he's not allowed to work at a strip club.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:59

He can be the bouncer that stays on the opposite side of the door. And never even peeks in. He has to go out and stay outside. I wonder why they mean strip clubs.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:12

Sex sells, baby. Yeah, it does. Shit. What about I had a good one? A guy that has an OnlyFans. Like not has one, but subscribes and pays for it.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:28

No. This is true. Okay. Fair enough. That's crazy. I'd be so pissed if I found out.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:40

I know. That's the worst. I got another one. What if you go out on a date with a guy and he wants to take you for ice cream or like a coffee is the first date. Okay. Do you think that is a red flag? No. I think that's adorable. Agreed. I love that. 100% agreed.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:07

Because ice cream's kind of messy. I would embarrass myself. But coffee's fine.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:12

Yeah. That a guy wanted to take them for ice cream as a first date.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:22

What? I would be thrilled.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:24

I know.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:24

I love ice cream. And you know how many guys don't eat ice cream now? Why? There's so many people. Did you take a bowl? No.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:33

We probably should. Yeah. They were mad that they wanted to go for ice cream as a first date. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:42

Before as soon as I graduated college. Not college, high school. Before I went to my first semester. Yeah, of college. Oh my god. That took me a while to think about. This guy was like, oh, let's go get coffee. So we did. Whatever. And we were talking, we had a really good time. And then I ended up leaving, so we stopped talking. But it was nothing like that. Like, like he was nice. I just wasn't interested. Yeah. Then he texted me and goes, Let's get coffee again. I miss your body. We didn't even hug. We didn't kiss. Nothing. I'm like, what? Nah, I missed it. I blocked him after that. I'm like, I'm sorry. What? That's a very weird thing to say. I know. He got blocked really quick. Yeah. I was like, nah, that's weird as fuck. Also, chubby. Not hemmy. That was just really weird. I'm like, stop doing weird things. That's ick. Yeah. I didn't even graze your hand. Nothing. She said, we didn't even know. Why are you missing my body? I'm like, what the fuck? Guys are so weird. Don't be weird. Yeah. What about texting first? I don't do that. I don't either. Unless I'm fucking mad. And then I'll do it. Yeah. I don't text first.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:57

Because I feel annoying. What if they feel the same way though and they don't text first?

SPEAKER_04 1:17:00

Then we're never gonna talk.

unknown 1:17:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:04

Period. Then we're never gonna talk. Unless I'm feeling really bold one day. Then I might. Yeah. Or if I want to like not pick on them, but like kind of make a joke. Yeah. But I also don't do rejection well, so if I was to reach out to somebody first, I'd be way too nervous. Yeah. Have you ever reached out first to somebody that you were interested in? No, I can't say that I have. Or even if I'm like talking to somebody and it's like new talking, I s and I know they're interested, I still won't text first.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:41

Unless I'm mad. I don't yeah, me neither. That's not my forte. It's not me. I don't chase. I get chased. Yeah. Same. I can't. Has and have you ever been on like a first date and somebody said something so weird you just didn't ever want to see them again? That has not happened to me. Really? You've never felt that way. No. Um that's because you're so understanding with people's words. They could be like, listen, it depends. I I'm not, oh, I accidentally ate my pube once. And you'd be like, you know what? People make mistakes, and it's okay. No, that would be weird as fuck. I would walk out.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:25

That I would probably walk out too. If someone told me that, don't ever admit that. Don't ever admit that.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:35

Oh bad example, but actually it was a pretty good one. To come up with something on the fly. What if somebody's like a huge mama's boy? Oh god.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:50

No. No. I love if you're close with your mom, close with your parents, have a good relationship, but if you're just like a straight mama's boy, no.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:04

Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:07

Can't do it.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:10

Like they want I want them to respect and love their mother. Absolutely. You know, if that was the situation, like if they had a good relationship, but yeah, a mama's boy.

unknown 1:19:22

No. That's kind of cringe.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:24

Alright, guys, that's it for our red flag episode. If you guys have any red flags you want to share, we would love to hear them. Also, please follow us on Instagram and TikTok and go listen to episode one and two if you haven't already. Thank you. Bye.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:39

Bye. Just a reminder this podcast is for entertainment purposes only. We are not licensed therapists, dating coaches, or role models. We're just two coworkers with microphones and opinions.