Episode 6: Our Reactions to Horrifying Reddit Breakup Stories

Breakups are already messy... but these? Straight up horror movies. 

In this episode, we read the most unhinged, chaotic, "WHAT did I just hear?!" breakup stories straight from Reddit. We're talking surprise double lives, exes from hell. plot twists that deserve their own Netflix series, and decisions so bad they'll make you feel like a relationship expert. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello everybody and welcome to another episode of Workwise Uncensored. This is Ashi. This is Jess. Have you guys ever had a really bad breakup?

SPEAKER_03 0:09

Yeah, today we're gonna do an episode of the worst breakup stories.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

And we're pulling these off of Reddit because some of these are wild as fuck.

SPEAKER_04 0:17

Yeah, these are these are pretty fucked up, some of these. So buckle up, bitches. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

I just want to look at creep. Yeah. Fuck yeah, baby.

SPEAKER_03 0:30

All right. You want me to start?

SPEAKER_01 0:31

Baby, you can start. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 0:34

So this person said seven-year relationship ended with an early morning voicemail message. I've always assumed it was the morning after she fucked the guy who was just a friend. Haven't seen her once since. What would you do if after seven years someone left you a voicemail? Did she tell him that you fucked his I I don't know, but I I have a lot of questions for this person.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

Oh my god, I'd be sick. Oh my god, could you imagine? Can you imagine waking up to that? I'd be like, this is a bad dream. And then I would turn my phone off and go back to bed.

SPEAKER_03 1:18

And like, did they not live together? Did they? Did she move all her stuff out?

SPEAKER_01 1:23

Yeah, seven years is a long fucking time. And honestly, she probably cheated before then.

SPEAKER_03 1:28

I mean, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

A voicemail that was wild. I know. At least do it over text. What? Yeah, because then you don't have to hear their voice.

SPEAKER_03 1:41

I feel for this guy.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

That is that's terrible.

SPEAKER_03 1:45

I know. Seven years.

SPEAKER_01 1:47

It's a long fucking time.

SPEAKER_03 1:48

And they get a voicemail.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

She was probably only with him that long because of his best friend.

SPEAKER_04 1:55

Poor dude. I know it's messed up. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 1:59

I I don't know what I would I seven years. It's a long time. I don't know what I would do that would ruin me over a voicemail. Like no conversation, nothing. Just seven years.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

Well, do you want to be broken up with in person?

SPEAKER_03 2:15

I mean, yeah, probably. Especially after seven years, at least give me the freaking, you know, common decency. Say to my face. What would you do? Would you cry? Yeah, yeah. I'd be devastated. This was three years ago, so hopefully he's found someone. Actually, he probably ruined him.

SPEAKER_04 2:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:39

Probably hasn't been in a relationship since. I'm about to message this person.

SPEAKER_04 2:44

Can you please give me some more info? We're talking about you on our podcast. A picture of yourself and your best friend. We'll see why. Yeah, we want to see what the deal is. And her. We'll see what she looks like. It's fucking crazy. I know.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

All right. This one says, after I had surgery and was able to fully hold a conversation, I called my then boyfriend. He proceeded to tell me I had too much drama. He didn't love me and he was sleeping with his ex. We hung up, I asked for more painkiller and went right back to sleep.

SPEAKER_03 3:13

Oh man.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Oh my god. They would have to transfer me to the psych ward after that one. Literally, give me some freaking psychotic beds. And when she's literally at the hospital after she just had surgery.

SPEAKER_03 3:33

Dude, people are wild. Sleeping with my ex. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

That would send me over the fucking edge, I fear.

unknown 3:44

God.

SPEAKER_03 3:46

Um okay. Yeah, that's messed up after surgery. That's just that's cold. Could have done it at least before surgery.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

Maybe he was hoping that she was never gonna wake up from surgery. Surgery to get it.

SPEAKER_03 4:01

All right. Um, this person said she was cheating on me with another dude for about six months. She broke up with me. Three months later, they were engaged, and 10 months after the breakup, they were married. I was planning on asking her to marry me. It's a good thing you didn't, buddy. Hold on though. It gets better. That one hurt more than the chick who told me she was pregnant while I was in Iraq. Then the next day told me it wasn't mine, all through email. Years later, she tried saying it was mine, but I demanded a paternity test. Nope, not mine.

SPEAKER_01 4:38

Oh my god, he's got the worst lot.

SPEAKER_04 4:41

Literally, oh Moses. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 4:47

Oh Jesus Christ. Go ahead. What the fuck? Are these all about women cheating on men? I know, ladies, stop. You're giving us a bad name. Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_03 5:01

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 5:05

It's horrible.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

Got broken up with less than a month before our wedding while I was on a business trip for five days. Turns out he waited almost two years to tell me he cheated on me with prostitutes, lied and gaslighted me, and called me psycho and crazy the whole relationship for being suspicious. He decided to come clean after proposing and organizing the wedding. Funnily funnily. Funnily? Funnily enough, after all that, he even made me believe I was the shitty person in the relationship who needed to change and that I deserved to be cheated on way more times than he actually did.

SPEAKER_03 5:42

Oh my god. Could you imagine being dumped right before your wedding? With prostitutes? Oh it's easy to find prostitutes. I can't imagine around here. I know certain countries and like different areas. They have them like on every corner.

SPEAKER_01 6:04

And then he told and then he told her that she deserved to be cheated on way more. That's fucking bold as fuck. I hope she got some really good revenge. I'm shocked there's not more women murderers.

SPEAKER_02 6:19

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_03 6:20

Yeah. Oh god. Okay. Um my man cheated on me on my birthday. He was out of town for some bartending competition. I begged him to come home to celebrate my birthday instead of staying to celebrate winning his friends that night. He refused and we had a fight. A couple hours later passed and I got drunk. I called him crying and apologizing. He was really dismissive. Told me he couldn't talk at the moment. He returned the next day. We planned a trip a month later. He was distant the whole time and never wanted to talk about it. After our trip, I found out he cheated on me. He was fucking someone while I called him, crying my heart out on my birthday. And that's why he said he couldn't talk. He never told me himself, and he went on the trip without feeling guilty. I have no idea how he could have done that. I went to his bar while he was working and flirted with his colleague. When he confronted me about it, I threw my drink on him and told him he was a cheating pig.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

He would answer the phone when he's in the middle of that.

SPEAKER_04 7:22

That's fucked.

SPEAKER_01 7:23

Okay, that's crazy. Yeah, that's I would have been like, man, I was sleeping actually. I must recall.

unknown 7:30

God.

SPEAKER_01 7:31

That's fucking crazy. Oh shit. Holy shit.

unknown 7:36

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 7:37

This one isn't a breakup story. It's just a crazy ex story. It says ex-girlfriend tried to hit me with her car, chased me down an alley, and which a fence was too high to jump, was on one side and condo's on the other. Proceeded to call me next day at work and tell me that I looked like a sexy cheetah running away from a car. Oh my god. Sexy cheetah. Brother, what were you doing that she wanted to hit you with her car?

SPEAKER_04 8:07

Yeah, we have questions for crazy.

SPEAKER_01 8:13

Sexy cheetah.

SPEAKER_04 8:16

Oh my god. The dude was like pinned up again.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

That's sexy. I would get the ick. So bad.

SPEAKER_04 8:30

That's she's crazy. That's hilarious. Oh my god. Holy shit.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

Some of these are really long. I wonder if they broke up after that. Probably not.

SPEAKER_03 8:43

Oh my god, it was funny.

SPEAKER_02 8:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 8:46

Here's one. About 15 years ago, I was killing it at life. I had academic research behind me. I was doing product development while working on an X prize. And most importantly, I had a girlfriend that I thought was the one. So did she. So did everyone we knew. Then I started having seizures. I lost my job, was housebound, and faced an uncertain future. About four months in, she showed up at my house, walked in, looked me in the eyes, and said, I'm sorry, but I didn't sign up for this and walked out. Oh God.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

Oh my god. I mean, not that it's a burden, but it sounded like they both had their head on their shoulders.

SPEAKER_03 9:29

And then like that happened.

SPEAKER_01 9:31

So I feel bad, Caddy, dude. It's probably not how I would do it, but yeah, I mean at least she's honest. She must be a Scorpio. Because there was no emotion in that. I know. That's crazy. Poor dude. I know, but it's fucking horrible.

SPEAKER_03 9:53

He probably had a seizure right then and there.

SPEAKER_01 9:56

Right now she told him. I am. What if she was like, don't be dramatic? And he's just like, she's like, stop. Like, come on, you don't have to do all this. You don't you're dragging it.

SPEAKER_04 10:13

That's something terrible. Oh my god, I mean like it.

SPEAKER_03 10:19

Oh, this is fogged up. I got two good ones. Hit it, baby. Okay. This one says, I'll keep mine nice and short. My ex cheated with her boss, started blowing him at work. She went on vacation and ignored me the entire time. She was with her boss. She broke it off, but before I could even move out, she was bringing him to our house. She got the house, she got the dogs. I got to leave the state and get help from my brother. On the plus side, I'm making more money than I thought I ever would. On the bad side, I don't think I'll ever trust a woman again. Nothing against you all. I just don't think it will happen ever again.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 11:00

These people are wild.

SPEAKER_01 11:01

Do you remember that cold play concert? Yeah, yeah. Where the lady was there with her boss or whatever.

SPEAKER_02 11:07

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 11:08

She got blasted. Or have you seen the thing on TikTok, the lineman Mike?

SPEAKER_02 11:11

No.

SPEAKER_01 11:12

It was at a rodeo, like on a work trip.

SPEAKER_02 11:15

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 11:16

And he there's a video of him like kissing on some girl, and his wife responded to the video. She's like, That's my husband. He's explaining what he did to our two kids right now.

SPEAKER_03 11:26

Oh my god. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

Isn't that horrible saying that your fucking husband cheating on you on TikTok? Somebody took a TikTok video.

SPEAKER_03 11:35

I yeah, I mean, especially people, A to cheat, but B to go to like an event like that. It's like hello, stupid.

unknown 11:46

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 11:47

I know. With social media these days. That's crazy. That was dumb as fuck. Literally.

SPEAKER_03 11:57

You can't take a shit or pick your nose without someone recording you.

SPEAKER_01 12:00

Literally. That was really dumb. I feel really bad for her.

SPEAKER_02 12:04

I do too.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

What a fucking douchebag. And they're two kids. She's like, she he's explaining to her two kids right now what's going on. Could you imagine? And they were little too, I think. Like daddy cheated on mommy. Daddy's gonna have to go away and get some milk and cigarettes.

SPEAKER_04 12:24

Yeah, for real.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

That's so fucked up.

SPEAKER_04 12:28

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

I wouldn't I would get violent, I fear. Would you be violent?

SPEAKER_03 12:36

Yeah, especially with two kids like that.

SPEAKER_01 12:39

I think anger would hit me before.

SPEAKER_03 12:42

In finding it on TikTok.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:45

Can you imagine? I'd be like scrolling on TikTok, and all of a sudden you see like this random video of a rodeo when there's your husband in the background kissing on some girl. Oh god.

SPEAKER_01 13:01

That's so funny.

SPEAKER_03 13:02

And then send me in the outer space.

SPEAKER_01 13:04

Send me somewhere, probably to jail.

SPEAKER_03 13:10

I got another one. You want me to read it? Oh yeah, baby. This is fucked up. First boyfriend. We didn't break up, but I was 16. He told me he was 19. He was actually 23. FBI came and talked to me. They were looking for me because he won he was wanted for molesting his four-year-old daughter.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 13:37

Could you fucking imagine?

SPEAKER_01 13:41

I would feel like a horrible person for even showing interest in this person.

SPEAKER_02 13:45

I know.

SPEAKER_01 13:45

I would never be able to load myself.

SPEAKER_02 13:47

I oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

The FBI?

SPEAKER_02 13:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:52

Not even like local police.

SPEAKER_02 13:54

I know.

SPEAKER_01 13:55

What else he got on that rap sheet? Jesus.

SPEAKER_03 13:58

Yeah. Yeah. The FBI sounds a little that's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 14:04

It's a little much. Oh my god. Unless it was like president of the United States.

SPEAKER_03 14:08

That's what I mean. Unless it was like state lines and like multiple things on the internet and stuff. I can't.

SPEAKER_01 14:14

Oh, if there's like child pornography, I maybe. Oh my god. Okay, this one says when I broke up with a significant other, she decided to say that she was pregnant. She went as far as to Photoshop ultrasound results and pregnant pregnancy tests and tell my mother she was going to be a grandmother. She even had a name picked out for that baby. She had everyone out at work convinced I was a heartless bastard who didn't care about his unborn son. I finally found the original copy of Boass Ultrasound that she had altered on Google Image Search. I sent it to her, and guess what? Never heard from her again.

SPEAKER_03 14:53

Oh my God. A lot of girls do that. I don't know. I I know a girl who did that and high like I don't think it was. It was like right after high school. I heard about a girl that I went to high school with that did that. I also know another girl who got pregnant to trap someone.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

I was just gonna bring that up.

SPEAKER_03 15:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

Yeah. It's oh that's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 15:22

Ew, I know. I know.

SPEAKER_01 15:25

I would feel not I wouldn't feel guilty, but I'd feel psychotic if I did that. Mm-hmm. Like, yeah, I'm pregnant. And I'm just telling you now because you broke up with me.

SPEAKER_03 15:36

Um we're talking like a baby. That's crazy. This person said, Well, I got married, and on the first day of being married, I found out he was cheating on me the entire time and was on several dating apps as well.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

He was wasting all that money. I just all of that money.

SPEAKER_04 16:00

Oh my god. These are crazy. Oh so much cheating.

SPEAKER_03 16:06

I know I could not imagine. This person date they dated for a year. Things were going so well that uh she gave him a key to her place. Suddenly life got overwhelming for him, and he and he was an avoidant. He couldn't deal. This was the reason it ended the first time. We were supposed to have a talk about us, and when I called him to see when he would be free after a few days of giving him space, it went straight to voicemail. So I sent a text and it went straight to green text and would not say deliver. So that is how I found out he was done.

SPEAKER_01 16:54

Aw, that's that's ghosting. That's oh my a year. Would you rather be ghosted or cheated on?

SPEAKER_03 17:02

Uh ghosted.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:05

Although that would probably ruin me too, but I think it's just easier to be.

SPEAKER_03 17:09

Yeah, but then you just block them and that's it.

SPEAKER_01 17:11

Yeah. This guy has three instances of his ex-girlfriend.

SPEAKER_02 17:18

No bad.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

I worked on a Saturday morning, so I stayed home while she went out to her friend's house to drink. Apparently at this house, they started talking about her eyes who moved across the country while she was on a trip. They call me and he says he doesn't want to have anything to do with her. I get a call at 3 a.m. from one of her friends saying they got her cutting herself in the back. Yeah. Jesus Christ. I never once had sex with her without a condom. She tried to convince me that I did one time when I was super drunk. I have never in my life been so drink drunk that I forgot what happened. She had wanted me to think she was pregnant so I wouldn't pose. I found out that after we broke up, she tried the same thing with her previous two ex-boyfriends, and that she succeeded at it.

SPEAKER_02 18:01

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 18:03

She hated when I played World of Warcraft because Rolox in the game could summon Sucubus. And she hated that word. Oh, is it? Succubus. And she hated that succubus.

SPEAKER_04 18:16

Succubus.

SPEAKER_01 18:19

And she hated that word. Apparently, all the friend of one of her ex-boyfriends used to call her that.

SPEAKER_03 18:26

Oh my god. Some of these people need mental health. Yeah. Well, I guess we're all doing better than this person.

SPEAKER_01 18:37

Oh god.

SPEAKER_03 18:38

My ex cheated on me and then left me for another girl. He is now in prison for killing her.

SPEAKER_00 18:47

Well, that's a good thing you got out.

SPEAKER_04 18:50

What the fuck? Oh my god!

SPEAKER_01 18:54

That's wild.

SPEAKER_03 18:57

Bro, could you imagine? I would be like talk about the universe freaking making sure. I know.

SPEAKER_04 19:08

What would that girl do so bad that she wasn't want to nothing? That's freaky.

SPEAKER_03 19:17

That's that's terrifying. That's terrifying.

SPEAKER_01 19:28

Have you ever broke up with somebody? Or have you ever been broken up with? Oh yeah. Besides that guy that gave you a band name.

SPEAKER_04 19:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:40

Yeah, that was kind of like traumatizing. I didn't cry, but I was like really upset at the time. It was like early fucking little dicks stain. How dare you do that?

SPEAKER_04 19:56

How dare you in such a way.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

At least he was creative with it.

SPEAKER_02 20:04

I'll give him that.

SPEAKER_01 20:05

It could have been like we're done, period, catch, period.

SPEAKER_03 20:09

Yeah. Wow. This person has ex cheated on for or wait, hold on. My ex cheated on me with a man in an open relationship didn't tell me. Oh my god, wait a minute. My female ex cheated on me with a man in an open same-sex marriage and didn't tell me initially and is now dating that couple. So she's a problem now? With two men.

unknown 20:44

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_04 20:48

Period, honestly. They should make a show about her.

SPEAKER_01 20:51

Oh my god. Do you think like um sister wives is weird? Wait a minute. Oh god.

SPEAKER_03 21:00

It says my and then F in parentheses. Female. But then it says X in parentheses M. So maybe this is a woman who is dating a guy. The guy cheated on her with a man who was in a same-sex open relationship marriage. And now he's dating both men. I think is what happened.

SPEAKER_01 21:27

Holy okay, so not Mirian. That would be like the human sent week. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

There's a lot of ass hating in that house. Oh my god, that is hot. I would still want to watch a TV show about that.

SPEAKER_03 21:48

I know. Yeah. Could you imagine being in a relationship with a guy and they cheat on you with another guy? And now they're dating this couple, and it's up three nine.

SPEAKER_01 22:03

Would you be offended if somebody cheated on you with a man? You know what I wouldn't be? Because I would be like, oh you were gay. Makes sense. Like, okay, I'm not her. I just mind body part was not for you. Right. And that's fine. Oh yeah. As long as it's not a little normal. Yeah. Yeah. Do you like do you believe that men who cheat on their girlfriends are gay? No. I hear that. Like men who cheat on their girlfriends are gay? Like are always cheating, are gay.

SPEAKER_03 22:38

Where have you ever heard that? TikTok. TikTok, stop. You're doing too much. That's just that is a woman who is upset that she was cheated on. Who started some trend?

SPEAKER_00 22:52

They're gay.

SPEAKER_03 22:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 22:55

They're gay. If you say so.

SPEAKER_01 23:03

In high school, my ex-girlfriend curved my name under her left breast after I broke up with her, but it's so there.

SPEAKER_03 23:10

Uh what's that movie? Fear. It's called Fear. What happened? And um Mark Wahlberg's in it too. When he was young and ha. Um he did the same thing. He carved her name in his chest and put like ink in it. Make like a homemade tattoo. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:38

After they broke up.

SPEAKER_03 23:40

Yeah. Have you seen that couple on TikTok? She went to visit Ireland and she met someone there. And she had to come back to the States. And he came to the States to visit. And anyways, um they let the video blew up about how she met this Irishman. And they were in like this whole serious relationship. He I wanted to say he moved here to be with her. Anyways, she got like all these followers and like it got like some crazy million views. And they even like uh an Irishman like talk show host um had her on an interview and everything. And at any rate, a while after she found out he was cheating on her. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:37

Oh my god. Yeah. I dated a stripper for about six months. Yeah, I know. My little that's what it says, yeah, I know after you said that. My little brother got cancer part way through our relationship, and I was obviously in the hospital with him the majority of the time. She got the flu, and without fail, she called me every day crying that I wasn't able to take care of her. Not the best, but how our relationship ended was quite grand. He adopted a cat for Valentine's Day and she loved the little bastard to death. When she got off early and seen that I did not feed the cat, I started having a dream that I was being stabbed or the fourth. Well I was thirteen times in the back because I didn't feed the cat. Oh I proceeded to get up and run out B carpet while she's chasing me. She threw up her stripper hair at me, z Oh my god, with deadly accuracy. Hit me right in the back of the head and suddenly enough so I fell down two flights of stairs, got concussed, and sprained both my ankles and wrists. The next day she calls me and actually helping happen.

SPEAKER_03 25:37

Oh what do you mean the next day? You didn't call the police?

SPEAKER_04 25:42

Fucking crazy bitch stabbed you with a fork because you have to feed the fucking cat. 13 times.

SPEAKER_03 25:48

Oh hell no.

SPEAKER_01 25:50

That's a lot of times to be stabbed at fork.

SPEAKER_03 25:53

No. Oh my god. I dated a woman for over seven years. 19 to 26 years old. So they started at 19, not until 26. We both had problems and insecurities the first three to five years. She was extremely clingy and always thought I was cheated. I never have. I had a lot of drug and alcohol problems at that point in my life as well. She got therapy. I got recovery and was sober for the last two years of our relationship. I was super excited at that point because I felt that we were really on the right path and had it work through our tough times together, which created a stronger bond. At this point, I'm about to buy a ring. She comes over that rake weekend and everything is normal. I remember her talking about her friend and how she broke up with her abusive boyfriend, saying things like, We're so lucky to have such a great and healthy relationship. I'm like, hell yeah. I feel so happy we're both on the same page. Two days later, I get out of work, come home, and she's at my house already. Thought she was surprising me as we weren't planning on spending that night together. I got out of the car, walked over to her with a big smile and say, What a surprise. She doesn't even get out of the car, says, I can't do this anymore. I froze and didn't even know what to say. I stuttered out a few small words like, huh? Why? She never got out of the car and just said goodbye and sorry. One week later, she was publicly in a relationship with someone else who I vaguely knew. I thought she had, I think she had been cheating on me for a while and eventually decided he was better, I guess. They are married now, but I bet it keeps him up at night knowing she's a cheater. That's fucking sad.

SPEAKER_01 27:38

Yeah, that's any guys don't look together for seven years. I know these people that what are we on the ship? I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 27:47

Maybe it roots from some people.

SPEAKER_03 27:50

Seven years. You know, there's those people that just say like their own space. So do you cheat?

unknown 28:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:02

The first four years, sure. Seven years and you're gonna put all that you guys have together.

SPEAKER_02 28:08

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 28:10

Oh my god, this person said broke up with my online ex-boyfriend. Just for my ex what's BSF boyfriend? Oh the best friend. Oh why not just too long? Okay. Just for my ex-best friend to go and date him and leave behind our four-year friendship. Okay. Online ex-boyfriend? Okay, yeah, really.

SPEAKER_01 28:41

What the fuck is the point of an online boyfriend? I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 28:45

Oh my god, my ex-fucked his stepsister.

SPEAKER_04 28:52

Holy shit, these people are wild. How did she find out?

SPEAKER_03 28:57

I know I had so many questions for some of these people. Oh my god. The love of my life cheated on me with a coworker and I caught her by confronting her after seeing the text. She said nothing and just laid in bed as I paced and felt broken right before heading into work. I'm a very attached person. I ride and die. I thought she was that too. She moved across the country for me while I was dealing with family. I found my mom dead a year ago from overdose of fentanyl. Jesus Christ. This is terrible.

SPEAKER_01 29:35

Oh my god. That guy is not doing too hot in life. Yeah. Wait. Then it wasn't. Okay, yeah, never mind. What? I was gonna say it was a day, right? Who was cheating?

SPEAKER_02 29:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:51

Oh my god. My man didn't want to be with me anymore. He told his mother. So she called me and told me that him and I weren't together anymore. He reached out to me recently with no apology and wanted me to do more free work for him. What the fuck does that work mean? Maybe she like does something for work that if my man's mother called me and told me that me and my man were no longer together, I would fucking bust a guy.

SPEAKER_01 30:24

Oh my god, he's a mommy's boy.

SPEAKER_03 30:29

Holy shit. These people are nuts. This person dated a man for five years. They moved in together after three on a Wednesday night. She got home from work and his truck wasn't in the driveway, which was really weird. She goes inside the home that they shared. The TV's gone, the recliner and end tables are gone. Their king-size bed is gone. Everything he bought or owned is gone. There's a note on the refrigerator that says, I'm sorry. I was completely blindsided to this day. I can't think of a single thing that would have told me that was coming. Fast forward two weeks, I find out he was making plans to move for a month. Met a 19-year-old online playing World of Warcraft. He was 29. He drove two states over to get her the day after he moved out of our house. I found out all this from his best friend who was so disgusted with his behavior. He essentially became my new best friend in the months that followed. At the time I was devastated retrospectively, I know my standards were on the floor, and I dodged the world's most dysfunctional bullet. What's up with World of Warcraft? People being so fucked up.

SPEAKER_01 31:39

Because they're like nerds. Sorry.

SPEAKER_03 31:42

I can be a nerd too, but that's just fucked up.

SPEAKER_01 31:45

I used to play Wizards 101. That was fun. Oh my god. This is crazy. Oh my god, what the fuck? This is my ex and I were on a trip to Vegas in college, went to a formal dinner after dinner, and lots of drinks for her. She slapped me in front of everyone for talking to another girl at dinner. It was a friend's girlfriend. We were all at dinner together at a big table. Ran up to the room, locked herself in the bathroom, and tried to drown herself in the tub while still wearing her expensive dress. After unlocking the bathroom, she got out of the tub and proceeded to barge out of the room, but dress and all and walk the strip. I sit in my room and waited for her to come back.

SPEAKER_03 32:24

Oh my god. Are they still together?

SPEAKER_04 32:28

No. Thank God.

SPEAKER_03 32:30

Girls when they're on one are so crazy. That's a little much though.

SPEAKER_01 32:37

I feel like when I'm drunk, I'm so lovy.

SPEAKER_03 32:39

Yeah, I am too. I mean, don't like there's been times where I've like, you know, been an asshole. Especially like, you know, in like my old relationship that was really toxic, like several years ago. You know, like that was rough. But normally when I'm drinking, you know, like I'm just I'm in like such a happy go-lucky mood at coffee.

SPEAKER_01 33:07

I know some people that are criers.

SPEAKER_03 33:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:10

Some people that get angry.

SPEAKER_02 33:12

Yeah. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 33:14

I feel like it's just my personality enhanced when I'm drunk. Yeah, yeah. Some girls are so dramatic. Like, why are you doing all this? Now we sent you to fucking um CPU.

SPEAKER_03 33:29

Yeah. So this person said, once a woman broke up with me over a very weird conversation that simply had not ever occurred. She was making references to it. The conversation was apparently over the telephone. I had called her at work. I was dumbfounded. I told her that I didn't remember any of this, that I did not even speak with her that day. She refused to believe me and broke up anyway, just to be certain I wasn't capable of completely forgetting an entire conversation. A couple weeks later, I checked my phone bill since her work was long distance and would have been itemized. A call to her work number at that day, said it happened wasn't there, nor were there any calls to her work in the prior three days. Maybe she dreamt it, maybe someone called posing as me. No, I did not pursue it any further. Leave crazy alone. So literally, she swore that someone that he called and he did not.

SPEAKER_01 34:30

Oh my god, she's drawing a gaslight on an itemized bill. That's wild.

SPEAKER_03 34:35

That's smart though. I would have done that too.

SPEAKER_01 34:38

You can see every call. What is this? What the 1980s? I think girls being manipulative to keep a relationship is a lot of them do that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:50

The pregnancy thing though, it's wild.

SPEAKER_01 34:53

That's a fucked up thing to lie about.

SPEAKER_03 34:56

Yeah. Okay, you ready for this one? Maybe I was born already. This is fucked up. I was engaged and went away for the summer to work at a school in Central America. The whole time I tried to call my fiance, but we only connected a few times. On the day I returned, I had a layover in Houston on my way back to Portland. While sitting at my terminal, I was paged over the intercom to pick up the nearest white courtesy phone. So I ambled over and was connected. And it was my fiancee paging me at the airport to tell me he couldn't pick me up in Portland because he had fallen in love with another woman. Oh my god. That's crazy. This woman goes to Central America to help students to teach, comes home and gets paged over the phone at a fucking airport.

SPEAKER_01 36:02

He really did not want to do it face to face.

SPEAKER_03 36:06

That is fucked up. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 36:11

I'd be sick. Oh my god. Is there any breakup stories where nobody's cheating on the other?

SPEAKER_02 36:21

Probably. Well, yeah. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 36:26

This is like my my band-aid one. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 36:33

Riding the bus home with my girlfriend, and we're awkwardly holding hands. Her stop comes up. She looks at me and grabs my other hand, kisses my cheek, and says, You're a cage and I'm a bird. This is over.

SPEAKER_01 36:48

Oh my god, I'm like a bird. Literally. My god. You're a cage and I'm a bird. He ended it after 10 years together. Four of those living together. I called him to see what he wanted to do for dinner and kept getting his voicemail. Called his secretary and she said, Oh, he should be on his flight by now. She quickly figured out I didn't know what she was talking about, so she told me in the nicest way that she could that he went to Vegas. I left to go home immediately, and I found that the locks had been changed and there was a U-Haul truck. He had packed everything I owned up in the truck after I had left for work and then flew to Vegas with his friends for the weekend. He left me a note saying he was sorry.

SPEAKER_02 37:38

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 37:42

That's so funny that that day she called. My husband left me one week after our 25th anniversary for his affair partner. By text. His reason he deserved to be able to have romantic walks on the beach. I'm in a wheelchair. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 38:05

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 38:08

Stop. Out of all the reasons that someone you picked.

SPEAKER_03 38:14

What's the fun? You could have just said this is too much for me. Uh oh my god. Caught my ex-wife fucking my friend in a public toilet. I had no idea they were both there. It was so freaky, clearly. It was years ago now, so I'm over it, but it devastated me at the time. And such a weird chance meeting.

SPEAKER_01 38:44

Wow. Yeah. These people are fucking crazy.

SPEAKER_03 38:54

This isn't funny, but kind of. My boyfriend at three months got a call from his ex-girlfriend's roommate. He said that she found out he moved on with a girl and tried to kill herself. We found out she took eight ibuprofen, so she didn't try that hard. He took me home in the middle of the date to go meet her at the hospital. Oh, never called me back, wouldn't answer text, ignored emails. I could have driven to his house and yelled at him, but I can take a hint. He probably got back with his crazy accent. And if that's the case, he's stupid. And they are a matchmade in heaven.

unknown 39:31

Oh my God.

SPEAKER_03 39:32

Could you imagine being on a first date? Or no, three months of being on a date. Apparently.

SPEAKER_01 39:39

Okay. That's a that's a nice little bill for eight ibuprofen.

SPEAKER_02 39:45

This is insane.

SPEAKER_01 39:51

He changed his Facebook status to single. I didn't even know about it until my best friend called to ask me about it. He did it like nine days before my birthday, too. At least when I asked him about it, he didn't make any excuses and we just ended things. Oh my god. Changing the status on Facebook first. Yeah, that's ring a bell. Yeah, I know, right.

SPEAKER_03 40:21

That's fucking wild. Oh my god. We broke up after I got back from my 10-year reunion. We were together for four and a half years. We broke up because she was talking, texting, and sexting guys she met online through my computer and a tablet I bought her for Christmas. We still live together and share a bed. I am sleeping with a wonderful girl at her place only. And my ex is now in Texas visiting the guy that we basically broke up over. And we are both fine with it. She knows about the girl I am seeing too. I will be living in the apartment till December 7th. It's very weird. What?

SPEAKER_01 41:06

And the person you're sleeping with is okay that you're sleeping in the same bed with your ex.

SPEAKER_04 41:14

My head hurts.

SPEAKER_01 41:15

Honestly, good for them after being able to handle it so well. This one says, You're gonna fucking die. Oh my god. Sorry, go ahead. I was a high school junior dating a guy I've had a crush on for for forever. We were several months in, and it was my birthday. He told me he had a gift for me and to meet me by my locker. I was excited. I got there with a big smile on my face, and he was staying there with his friends. He then said, Here's your gift. I want to break up. Then they all walked off laughing.

SPEAKER_03 41:45

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 41:49

Oh my god. That's mortifying. I would have to switch schools after that.

SPEAKER_02 41:58

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 42:02

I was shit face drunk and called a girl I had just met. Problem was I left a message for her on my then current girlfriend's voicemail.

SPEAKER_05 42:14

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 42:16

It was so awkward that we both laughing at what a jackass I was when I was picking up my stuff from my suddenly ex-girlfriend's apartment. I work with her brother to add some extra icing to that shit cake. Oh my god, that's insane. How would you break up with somebody? I would sit them down and talk to them. Really? Yeah. Or do it? Yeah. Or like if we didn't live together and like it was like not working out, a phone call at least. This person said after a year and a couple months of dating, she without warning changed her relationship status on Facebook to single, cut off all contact with me without telling me why, and only responded to texts I sent to her about picking up her stuff. She would always make up an excuse for not being able to come get it. She had a ton of stuff there. I offered her different options like dropping it off at her house when she wasn't around or letting her send a friend to pick the stuff up. I just wanted it gone. After a month of her telling me I'll pick it up tomorrow, I threw it all away. Then she called me to bitch at me for being a jerk. Five years later, I still have no idea why she broke up with me. I'm guessing she dumped me for someone else and haven't once seen her since. Dude, what do you throw away?

SPEAKER_00 43:39

I'm curious.

SPEAKER_03 43:39

Oh my god. This person said a friend of mine was broken up with by his girlfriend in this poem. Roses are red, violets are blue, garbage is dumped in story.

SPEAKER_04 43:55

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 43:58

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 44:00

This person went to a summer camp and came back a butch lesbian. I mean camel pants shaped head white tank top combat boots. The works. I got the hit.

SPEAKER_04 44:14

She has been munching carpet ever since. Oh my god, just last year she hit me up on Facebook and wanted me to be a sperm owner.

SPEAKER_01 44:25

Oh my god. These are fucking gold. See, if I was broken up with and they're like, yeah, it's because I'm gay, I that really wouldn't bother me.

SPEAKER_03 44:36

Yeah, I mean, I don't I you know, I I think here's the thing. I think I think it would traumatize or affect men more if a woman left them for another woman, as opposed to a woman like a guy leaving her for another guy. I really do like think about that. If you're a man and a woman leaves you for another woman, I think you feel inadequate. You feel, but like if we were dumped by a guy that was like, Yeah, I'm gay, I want to be with another man. It's like, oh okay, can we all be best friends?

SPEAKER_01 45:10

I know right, like gay best friends, you know what I mean? Yeah, I I really wouldn't be that bothered, I don't think.

SPEAKER_03 45:17

Yeah, I don't I don't think so either. I don't think I would.

SPEAKER_01 45:20

I I feel like maybe the worst that would happen is I feel embarrassed, like, oh, I turned him gay, right? Honestly.

SPEAKER_03 45:27

I don't even think I would, yeah, I don't even think I would feel that and be like, oh, okay. At least I know now instead of like getting married and have could you imagine though being like married and having children with somebody, and then like you find out they're gay and like they're you know sleeping with a man, yeah. Hmm with children, you know.

SPEAKER_01 45:47

Would you ever date a dude that's bisexual?

SPEAKER_03 45:50

Um, I mean, I'm not against it, but I would have well uh I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 45:57

Like don't admit that to me.

SPEAKER_03 45:58

Yeah, no, because if I'm gonna be in a no, I hold on.

SPEAKER_01 46:01

Did I want that and tell you? Like, I love it in my pooper.

SPEAKER_03 46:04

That's what I was just gonna say. I guess if I what I should have said is oh, I don't know. I uh I don't know. I don't know how comfortable I would be with it.

SPEAKER_01 46:26

Like guys would probably be all over that shit if a woman was bisexual.

SPEAKER_03 46:29

Oh yeah, most guys would. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 46:32

I feel like it's like yeah, I'm bisexual, but like, yeah, there's the door. Oh only because like I it can you think about them getting railed from behind? Think about it. Close your eyes, just get that image in your head. Are you cringing at you have in there?

SPEAKER_03 46:53

Listen, whatever someone's forte is that's fine. Okay, but if I'm gonna be in a relationship with somebody, I would want it to be just me and not them wanting another man or another woman.

SPEAKER_01 47:09

What if they're like, okay, we are having a relationship, but sometimes I need no, no, it's still cheating. But you would really be with a guy that's bisexual.

SPEAKER_03 47:23

No, I don't think I would be.

SPEAKER_01 47:24

No, because you would think about that, like yeah, I would be like, how do you know? And he'd be like, Oh, I slept with a man. I'm not I would be like, okay, do you receive or take? And if they say same thing, right? Receive and take. Yeah, do you receive or give? And if they said received, I'd be like, nope. And if they said give, I'd be like, nope. So they really have no, no chance.

SPEAKER_03 47:54

Yeah, but there are men out there who like both, and there's women out there who are okay with that. That's fine. Yeah, yeah, it's not my thing, but that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 48:10

Like we can be friends and stuff, just don't touch me.

SPEAKER_02 48:13

Yeah, just not doing that.

SPEAKER_01 48:21

Are you bisexual?

SPEAKER_03 48:23

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 48:24

Really? Oh, um. Okay. Would you say your worst breakup story would be uh band-aid?

SPEAKER_03 48:42

I mean probably that would be your worst. No, I I was so young then, so it was like it wasn't even that big of a deal. It was just the delivery that it was like, fuck you.

SPEAKER_05 49:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:00

And we weren't even like I was so young. Um I mean, I've had some traumatizing breakups that I don't want to get into. Yeah, you know, like that affected me, like made me sick like really sad.

SPEAKER_01 49:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:18

You know, like just really fucked up over it. You know, and definitely things that I wish I could change or go back and do different, you know, for sure. Um, but you can't change that stuff, you know.

SPEAKER_01 49:37

I don't have any crazy breakup stories, but um, in one of the episodes I talked about how oh, you know what? No, I think it's an episode that I didn't release. How I was in high school, I was dating this guy, and I broke up in the first, and then we got back together, and then he ended up breaking up with me and dating somebody after, like really soon after. And I uh I remember I was sitting in math class and I opened up Twitter and he made all these tweets about me. He didn't at me in any of them, but I knew they were about me. Oh I was so upset. That's just that's just fucked up.

SPEAKER_03 50:15

That's fucked up.

SPEAKER_01 50:19

I know it's a jerk off.

SPEAKER_03 50:21

Yeah, I mean, I think like every relationship you take stuff from, you know, and learn from, and you know, just about yourself and how to go through relationships, you know. But some of these stories, I mean, people are fucking crazy, yeah. They're they're insane.

SPEAKER_01 50:41

And I'm really upset, women how half of these were about you guys cheating on people, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 50:47

For real.

SPEAKER_01 50:48

Like, come on, and if you're gonna do it, don't do it with a best friend. It was yeah. Do you guys have any horrible breakup stories? Yeah, it's embarrassing to be broken up with. Yeah, like everything happens for a reason, but truly that's just embarrassing. Like, yeah, we broke up. Oh, who broke up with who? That's like a question everybody asks, who broke up with who? And then people are like, Oh, it's mutual, like it probably wasn't. Yeah, or do you guys just sit at the dinner table, look at each other, and say at the same time, yeah, we're done. Sometimes, really, sometimes that happens, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 51:31

Oh my god. This person said, dated a girl. So this this one person said got dumped for God, literally, two-year relationship, and she came over one day and said she needed to spend more time with her relationship with God than ours. She actually did and didn't date anyone for years. Okay, this person said, dated a girl like that for a little over three years. One day, about two years in, she came to me being completely serious and says we can't have sex anymore because she found a new relationship with God. I love this girl, still kind of do, sadly. So I was like, okay, cool, I can do this. About a week later, I was like, fuck this, I need to get laid. Went over to her house, and apparently her and Jesus had a fight or something because it took her about 30 seconds to drop her pants.

SPEAKER_01 52:24

Oh my god, she can do it anymore.

SPEAKER_03 52:26

Oh my god. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 52:33

Jesus Christ. Holy shit. Her and God got into a fight.

SPEAKER_03 52:43

This person dumped a girl for spilling soda on him. She knows I hate feeling sticky and did it on purpose.

SPEAKER_01 52:50

Oh my god, he's a fairy.

SPEAKER_00 52:55

He's a fairy. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 52:57

Oh my god. Here's one. I had a really serious conversation with my boyfriend where I came out to him as bisexual. I did not want to change anything because I loved him and didn't want to explore other relationships. I just wanted to be open about who I am. He took it well at first, if a bit hesitant, but was loving and told me that he loved all of me. Over the next couple weeks, I started to get some weird vibes from our friends. Finally, his best friend had told me that my boyfriend had been telling everyone that I was struggling with the temptation to cheat and that he was worried I was going to leave him or start having an affair. Unfortunately, since he sowed those seeds in our friend group before they even sowed those seeds. Is that what it is? So those seeds. Oh embarrassing. In our friend group, before they even knew I was bi. A lot of them believed him and didn't trust me. Well, it ends with her having a new boyfriend and he happens to also be by.

SPEAKER_00 54:02

So can by is only date by's?

SPEAKER_03 54:04

No.

SPEAKER_01 54:10

Right, any of that.

SPEAKER_03 54:14

Well, Matt girlfriend on Reddit. Became a pretty well-known Reddit couple. Moved across country to be with her. Shit went sour after about a year. She left me alone in our apartment with her cat for three weeks. I ended up moving all the way back across the country. I called it weird only because I lived in the south my entire life. Yet I lived in Seattle for a year and experienced such culture shock that now it doesn't even feel real to me anymore. Like I feel as if I was never actually there in the first place. That actually kind of sucks because I loved it there. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 54:56

Wait, I'm confused at what he was trying to get at. So am I crazy?

SPEAKER_03 55:07

Oh my god. So apparently they met on Reddit and he moved across the country to be with her, and she left him in the apartment for three weeks with a cat. Okay. Uh that was it. I guess so. This is all secondhand, very subjective info, but a friend of mine had a really weird one. He was dating a very sweet, nice girl for two years. He ended up in a car accident and got his chest impaled by a railing. Needless to say, he was pretty fucked up after that. Lots of scarring, had to relearn some fine motor skills due to nerve damage. Today he's doing great. He still has a massive scar in his chest from where they had to remove the railing. Okay, whatever. Um, so, anyways, he's in the hospital starting rehab. His girlfriend comes in in person, at least. I should give her credit for that, and says, I was not made to be with something broken and leaves. That's it, two years out the window. Now that isn't very weird. What is, however, is that when he finally got out of the hospital and got his life back and hadn't heard from this girl in months, it took to reach that point. She calls him and acts as if they are still together. According to her, they were still a couple, and she had basically opted out of dealing with his injuries. He obviously breaks up with her and she's completely baffled. To this day, both me and him are utterly confused how the hell she thought she could do something like that. Because both before and after, she has stayed a very nice and sweet person.

SPEAKER_01 56:46

What the fuck? She just picks and chooses when she wants to be a girlfriend. Oh my god. Your life, shoddy.

SPEAKER_03 56:55

That's fucked up though. Could you these poor people that are like in accidents or like wheelchairs?

SPEAKER_01 57:03

That's like wheelchair.

SPEAKER_03 57:04

Come on.

SPEAKER_01 57:05

That's fucked up. You could have used any other excuse. You could have been like long walks on the beach. Yeah. It could have been like you're too short for me. Or well, I'm sitting in a wheelchair, so I'm probably shorter than most. Yeah. Yeah. Or been like, you know what? Probably not anymore. And I don't feel like it anymore. I think that's better than being like, I want to take like way to throw her disability in her face.

SPEAKER_02 57:34

Dude.

SPEAKER_00 57:36

Oh my god, these people.

SPEAKER_01 57:40

These people are very um.

SPEAKER_03 57:43

Oh my god. This person said his girlfriend claimed she had never met him before and asked him why he was standing outside her house in the middle of the night.

SPEAKER_01 58:00

What the fuck? That's really fucked up. These girls are gonna get these guys in trouble.

SPEAKER_03 58:11

Oh god. This person said threw up all over me. And I don't just mean on my shirt or lap, I mean completely head to toe. Learned that Roman showers is not my thing and that some people shouldn't drink if they know they can't handle it. She locked herself in the bathroom and left the barful for me to clean up. I cleaned everything up and had to hose myself down outside. Ugh, since she wouldn't open our only bathroom. The next morning I woke up to the smell of a full breakfast. Figured this was her apology for puking on me. Nope. It was for just herself, and she ate it in front of me as payback for leaving her to be sick by herself. I said, bitch. Pack my shit immediately ended it right then and there.

SPEAKER_01 59:04

Oh my god. Our lives look pretty good. Holy shit. If I was the woman, I would have left. I would have been so embarrassed that I threw up all over them.

SPEAKER_03 59:16

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 59:18

That's disgusting. Do you think it got in his mouth?

SPEAKER_03 59:21

Yes, he said that. I just couldn't. He said it was in his mouth and in his ears.

SPEAKER_01 59:28

What the hell? What she projectile volume?

SPEAKER_03 59:32

Apparently.

SPEAKER_01 59:32

That's disgusting.

SPEAKER_03 59:36

Oh my god. This person said I told her it wasn't gonna work out. She proceeded to take 130 coding in 70 coco demol. I don't even know what that is. It was about three days after 3 a.m. on a Saturday when she finally saw sense and agreed to go to the hospital. How did she not die from 130 coding? How did she get that many? I don't know if I believe this. Uh that's a lot of coding. The massive damage she'd done to her liver. Fast forward to next term, we agreed to have a handover. Oh my god. Oh my god. Somehow ended up restraining me. Oh, so they had each other's belongings. They met up to do it. He went into her room. She said, take a seat while I get it. Somehow ended up restraining me before taking off her dressing gown to reveal corset, stockings, and suspenders in a crushed laced panties and giving me a 10-minute laugh dance before begging me to use my belt as a collar and choke her with it as I fucked her from behind. This person said, wait, she took 130 codeine and 70 cocoa demo and didn't die for at least three days. Jesus Christ. No.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:17

Oh no. Suspenders? Does he mean those fucking things that go from your like your drawers to I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:26

He said suspenders, so maybe. Holy shit.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:34

Does he wear suspenders? No, I don't think he does. I don't yeah, he does. Does he? Yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:40

Spongebob? Yeah. Gotta Google this. Maybe not.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:45

I don't doesn't he wear a white shirt? Yeah, with a tie, Spongebob.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:51

Why do I think he wears suspenders?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:54

Oh, he doesn't.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:54

Maybe it's the Mandela effect where he used to.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:00

That's fucking crazy. You know what I'm thinking about? I don't think anybody in SpongeBob were playing SpongeBob. That was stupid.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:15

Okay, hold on. This one's kind of long, but it sounds hilarious. Dating this girl, I knew she's not the one, and she knows I feel this way, but we both love the amazing sex. She reads erotic stories in a phone app. I had no problem with this until one day she texts me late at night and accuses me of writing one of the stories she read. And that this story I write involves me and my roommates, male and female. They've been together for 15 years and are overweight, meaning I have zero sexual interest in them whatsoever. Girlfriend knows I have a thing for skinny girls. Thinking this is hilarious, I finally get her to link the story. Turns out the story was about a black guy, my character, I'm very white, tying up his friend, my male roommate and her brother, and loudly screwing his wife, which would be the other roommate, while the husband had to listen. Being the two nice introverted geek that I am, this was so far from reality. I asked if she was high. Unbeknownst to me, she was on some kind of meds, antipsychotic, and was now off of them. While she insisted on accusing me of actually doing this with my roommates, I told her that shit was on the front porch. Oh, her shit was on the front porch if she wanted it. Don't ever contact me again. She never picked it up. Now I have some fuzzy handcuffs that I wanted no part of and a bikini in a drawer. After no contact two months later, she felt the need to text me and say that I was not the reason she went to the mental hospital. As if I knew she was even there and was keeping tabs on her, which made me think she was keeping tabs on me. This story made me very happy. I insisted on condoms regardless of her on birth control. Holy hot dude. Honestly. I'm so sorry for some of these people. It makes me feel better about myself, honestly. Yeah, some of these are pretty wild. Thank you for listening to episode number six. If you have any crazy breakup stories, let us know.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:32

We would love to hear them.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:33

We would love to hear these. Um, if you haven't listened to episode one through five, go ahead and do that and follow us on TikTok and Instagram.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:44

Just a reminder this podcast is for entertainment purposes only. We are not licensed therapists, dating coaches, or role models. We're just two coworkers from megaphones and opinions.