Episode 13: Jobs We Would IMMEDIATELY Get Fired From

This week we’re exposing the careers we would absolutely NOT survive. From accidentally starting drama at the DMV to getting distracted mid-surgery, we’re ranking the jobs we’d get fired from on day one. Expect chaotic stories, zero professionalism, and way too much confidence for people who definitely shouldn’t be trusted with authority. If you’ve ever thought “yeah… I could never do that,” this episode is for you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_06 0:00

Hello everybody and welcome to episode 13 of WorkWise. This is Ashi. This is just so today we're gonna discuss jobs that we would immediately get fired from.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Yes. And why?

SPEAKER_06 0:18

Mine should be all jobs, probably.

SPEAKER_04 0:22

You just don't want to work. That's what I'm saying. Oh, you want to start us off, baby girl? I will go first. I could never be a police officer. Ooh, I couldn't either.

SPEAKER_06 0:35

Somebody, I would have to arrest them and be like, why'd you do it? Why'd you do it? Oh, they called you a mean name? Okay, I get it. I really get it.

SPEAKER_04 0:45

I'm gonna talk to the news. If you stab somebody, and then I'd make like false promises. I'd be like, yeah, we can eat your sentence. Shorted shortened? Yeah, shortened. Shortened. Shortened. Ow! Oh my god. What is happening? And then I wouldn't be able to. And then they'd probably haunt me after they got out of jail. And I'd just live with constant anxiety all the time. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 1:10

You'd be a hot cat though.

SPEAKER_07 1:12

Really? Yeah. Oh, in you in uniform. Ooh! I don't care if Legend. Oh my god. I'd let you arrest me. Oh, really? And handcuff me. I'd keep like worrying. I would have crystal on purpose.

SPEAKER_06 1:33

I feel like I have to go sell in the basement for yes.

SPEAKER_07 1:35

And start like speeding and breaking law, requesting.

SPEAKER_04 1:39

And then like I wouldn't have to focus on any other like criminal gifts around the city all day. So I got our sirens on Jesus in my car. They like GPS my little cop car and I'm just like turning it all over.

SPEAKER_07 1:55

And be like, Ashley, you're out of your jurisdiction. I'd be like, all right, oh you're fired. Um I could never be a TSA agent. Neither they're way too strict.

SPEAKER_05 2:07

Bro, like if especially if I had to do security, like you ever see those videos where people prank them with dildos in their mouth? I would die. I'd laugh so fucking hard.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

I'd be like, and then like just when they have to do like the extra uh like securing, you have to like pat them down and like go up by their balls and shit. Like, extra precaution right here.

SPEAKER_07 2:37

Or every service animal that would come through, I'd be like, Oh my god. And they'd like don't pat them. Yeah, literally says don't pat on the animal, and just like, hi, baby. Yeah, that'd be me.

SPEAKER_06 2:47

Or if they were like, Oh, she can you please check this bag and I'm just like having a really lazy day, I'd be like, All right, and I'm just like skimmed through a bit and then there's like a bomb on me.

SPEAKER_05 2:59

It's literally like beeping, and you're like, kids get to go.

SPEAKER_06 3:02

And I'd be like, What? What are you talking about? I literally checked it. It's a fuck. Or you know how there's they say, like, you have to report if somebody leaves a bag in the middle of the airport. Yeah. If I saw that, I'd be like, fuck, and I'd run away. Yeah, no, I if I saw a fucking bag in the middle of the airport, I'd just be mad. I'd fucking book it.

SPEAKER_05 3:21

Yeah, that you're like, you guys on your own.

SPEAKER_04 3:25

She's like, wrong. I don't know if you can just get in my car and speed away. No way, no way. I'm touching that. Oh my god, that's fucking hilarious. I feel like they're just like some TSA agents are just so rude. They're like, Max, come on! I know they're like mad rude.

SPEAKER_07 3:44

Is some of them are seriously just mad fucking rude. I know, and I cannot. And like it just makes your butt cheeks clench and you have to go through it because they're just fucking rude.

SPEAKER_06 3:53

You overcome third TSA and you're like, fuck, I really don't hope I have a gun on me. I don't even own a gun, but I get like, oh my god, what if I accidentally have a gun on me? Like, where am I gonna get that?

SPEAKER_05 4:05

It's like in line, like, I swear I don't have a gun. I swear I don't. It's like she doesn't even own one.

SPEAKER_04 4:12

Oh my god. I just get paranoid. Yeah, me too. And then I look sauce-fuck because I'm like, I know.

SPEAKER_01 4:20

So one time my cousins and I flew to before they all moved to North Carolina, we were going down to visit family in North Carolina, and um, because my one cousin had already lived down there, and we're all flying together. It was not a good experience because the first flight we were on this little tiny fucking plane, and it's like we sat had to sit in the when you walk down the aisle, okay, all the way in the back, there was like against the back of the plane is a wall of seats, and we were back there, and uh, it was the worst fucking turbulence on this plane.

SPEAKER_07 5:01

Okay, it was so bad. My cousin is like a wreck, and she's in the middle sea, so she's like looking down the plane and she's like holding on to me, like hyperventilating. And then when we land, we had like a layover, you know, so we had to go through TSA.

SPEAKER_01 5:17

This fucking airport, I can't remember what airport it was, but they fucking made us take our shoes off, our fucking like all this shit. They and then they pulled us aside. They made us sit in this row and one by one go up, and they had to do like an extra check on us, and like we were just like, what the fuck, you know? They're like, no talking.

SPEAKER_05 5:38

I'm like, oh my god, I would I was so fucking scared, like I didn't know why they picked, like what, you know what I mean? It was fucking terrifying. I would shit my pants over it.

SPEAKER_06 5:49

And uh, if you're flying anytime soon, make sure you're wearing a shirt underneath your sweatshirt. I am why I never I never wear a shirt under my sweatshirt. I've always wear a sweatshirt on plane, and they're like, Do you have a shirt underneath that? And like occasionally they'll like tap me down, but sometimes they they just sort of like okay, whatever.

SPEAKER_04 6:10

Well, if you haven't been frisked in a while, then you might like it. Yeah, but what do you mean a shirt under it? Because they'll ask you, do you have a shirt underneath that? Because it is gonna take them off.

unknown 6:20

What?

SPEAKER_04 6:21

But if you don't have a shirt, obviously they can't make you take it off. I am not gonna have a shirt on on purpose, so they can take it off in the middle of the airport.

SPEAKER_06 6:29

That's not cool. I know. I don't even like wearing sneakers because I hate taking off my shit when having put them back on. But then you can't like sometimes like every time I go to free sale, I always wear sandals over there because I don't want to bring sneakers, right? You know what I mean? And my feet just get so cold on the pine.

SPEAKER_01 6:46

Oh, I have socks socks with me. Yeah, I know I'm going to South Carolina and fucking soak it's in on June 7th.

SPEAKER_06 6:54

Oh my god, that's in like next week. Not this week, but next week or a week after.

SPEAKER_04 6:59

Two what's the day tonight? The fucking fifth, holy shit.

SPEAKER_01 7:05

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 7:06

I know you like me.

SPEAKER_05 7:07

I'm gonna have to Yeah, but then you leave me for longer. This bitch is leaving me for like two weeks, and she's like, But you lame. It's like I'm gonna be gone for five days. You're gonna be gone for two weeks.

SPEAKER_04 7:19

How convenient that's the five days of the work week. So it's yours.

SPEAKER_05 7:24

Two weeks.

SPEAKER_04 7:24

Hello.

SPEAKER_05 7:26

What am I gonna do for those two? I'm gonna die. Come on, every single day. I literally am for two weeks straight. I'm gonna be like, I don't even have vacation. I don't even care. Just don't pay me. I can't go in. My emotional support person is not there.

SPEAKER_07 7:39

I cannot function. Oh my god. I know that I don't know what I'm gonna do.

SPEAKER_06 7:43

Uh all right, my next one is a surgeon. Oh my god, bro, I gotta twack my vape on the hour. If I'm like in like a 10-hour surgery and like my hands start shaking because I haven't vaped, or I'd like for like I'd get sidetracked and I'm it'd be like got the aorta and I'd get like fuck seriously.

SPEAKER_04 8:07

My patient just bleeds on and I get sued. I'm like sued, probably do jail time. I and then like surgeons have to be so careful that they don't touch anything because if they do they have to like re-like gear up or whatever. I feel like I'd just be off in La Land, like forgetting what I'm doing.

SPEAKER_07 8:23

She'd be like wiping a stain off the mirror, like touching her hair.

SPEAKER_01 8:40

It's so bad. It's so bad. It's terrible, it's so bad.

SPEAKER_07 8:46

I don't even know if I'll ever be able to quit. That's a spirit. Um, um, continuing.

SPEAKER_06 8:55

I feel like I look really stoned. No, I don't think so. Maybe your eyes feel heavy because every time after I smoke, I feel like I can't.

SPEAKER_07 9:03

I just feel really stoned.

SPEAKER_01 9:05

Like I don't feel stoned, but I feel like I looked stoned. I feel like my eyes feel stoned, like heavy, yes, but this bloom is helping me.

SPEAKER_06 9:13

Hell yeah, baby. Bloom energy, crispacle. Yeah, so yeah, definitely no fucking surgery for me.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

Fucking all. All right, my next one is gonna be a wedding planner. Too stressful, couldn't do it. I could not. I'd be like, listen, bridezilla, get it the fuck together. I there's no fucking way. I would go nuts, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 9:37

Me too. And there's so many like little parts that you had to think of and like fit in their budget, and I just could not.

SPEAKER_04 9:42

I'd be not too fucking.

SPEAKER_07 9:44

Yeah, not to mention I have my feelings about marriage, so I would be like, and you're not like dragging the whole time. These people who spend sixty thousand dollars on a fucking wedding.

SPEAKER_06 9:59

I know it's fucking crazy. I could not there's too much to think about, and I feel like every little detail.

SPEAKER_07 10:06

Yeah, nah, if I ever get married, just fucking I'm planning it. Yeah, we're having it at Trucks. Woo! I like that idea, and then we'll just have the biggest party ever. That's what I care about. Yeah, the parties. I'll wear a really nice dress, but like it can be very like small.

SPEAKER_04 10:24

I don't care if we do it in your backyard. Fun wedding. No, when you get married, we're gonna have a big fun wedding.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

Unless it gets donated to me.

SPEAKER_06 10:33

No, it's gonna be so much fun. Beer supplied by OBC. Yes, if they don't give you a good design, I'll give myself wedding planner.

SPEAKER_04 10:43

Yeah, I couldn't do it. Boring as fuck. Okay, I could not be a funeral home breeder. Oh my god, I have that on my list. Yeah, be like, hey guys, welcome to the party. Yo, have you read the room? I know, seriously. Have you seen some of these videos of people at funerals like on TikTok or Instagram? They're like twerking in front of the casket. Oh my god. I'm gonna send it to you. It's like it's fucking and then I watched one the other day, and they had the guy like the mortician, whatever what's it called? When they like get you prepared for the funeral.

SPEAKER_05 11:32

Okay, oh he was sitting up and they can't they had him sitting up and like people are dancing.

SPEAKER_04 11:41

It was so creepy. I've only been to one funeral in my life. What one you're lucky. I think if I went to too many, I would either like not be able to read the room and like be really cheerful, or I'd see like everybody else crying, and I'd be like, Oh, maybe I should cry now. Yeah, and then I just calling my eyes out. You're why is the greeter the one crying?

SPEAKER_05 12:04

Me, I cry over every I fucking hit a bunny on the way here.

SPEAKER_04 12:11

Nice, it ruined my day, and I literally the girls were like, Mommy, don't cry, don't cry.

SPEAKER_05 12:16

I'm like, Yeah, but I know if I dude, it ruined my day. I think that's why I'm so out of it. I'm not kidding you.

SPEAKER_03 12:24

Like, it sent me because you sent an owl over the rainbow bridge.

SPEAKER_04 12:29

Sorry. I know I'm terrible. Also, funerals sound really boring, so I don't think I'd be able to uh re also why do you have a greeter at a funeral? Yeah, well to greet people and tell them where they're going. Uh the room with the casket. Yeah, but there's some funeral places that there's several rooms, like there's two funerals going on at once. Which is like weird if you think about it. All these people just like sobbing. Yeah. Like two dead bodies in one building. Fucking weird to think about. I don't like funerals.

SPEAKER_03 13:07

I've been to one.

SPEAKER_04 13:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

Kindergarten teacher.

SPEAKER_04 13:12

Couldn't do it. I couldn't do daycare either.

SPEAKER_01 13:14

Yeah, any anything like that.

SPEAKER_05 13:17

Bruh, I would oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 13:21

I would lose it.

SPEAKER_03 13:22

I'd get way too overstimulated all the time.

SPEAKER_04 13:25

Legit, like I chaperone my kids' fucking field trip. And like I never want to do it again. I talk about overstimulation, you know what I mean? And like you just have all of these kids just like screaming running around, and it's like all these different personalities, and you're like trying to be like, okay, like let's go this way, and you just want to be like, get the fuck over here right now, you know. Like you're like, oh my god, but kindergarten, uh I I couldn't I couldn't do it. I couldn't either. I could not do it.

SPEAKER_03 14:03

I give props to my son's teacher because 18 three-year-olds in one room is no wild.

SPEAKER_04 14:09

I I literally would be fired on my first day.

SPEAKER_03 14:12

You do. I'd be like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 14:15

Like sometimes Leo is a basket case. Could you imagine 18 of them? 18 Leos? Oh my god, I'd lose it. No, I uh there's no way. I mean, she's got a TA with her, but I'm like, Yeah, but still, dude. And they're not all potty trained, so then you have to worry about that. And then it's just like an interesting age, so I give a lot of props because I can never no there's like a special My kid wants to be a kindergarten teacher, and I'm like, yeah, that will maybe change when you get to be of age. There's no fucking way I could do it. Or daycare, different ages. I feel like daycare would be even worse. Well, I don't know. Well, they don't really have like a some of them don't really have a curriculum, like just go play and then whatever. Yeah, but I can no oh my god stresses me out even. I'd be like, I can have like a one kid class kind of thing.

SPEAKER_05 15:09

Yeah, maybe maybe survival of the fittest.

SPEAKER_04 15:12

Whoever can fight their way through like gets to be the one child. Seriously, there's no fucking way. Okay, my next one is a librarian. Oh my god, that was literally my next one on the list. I cannot shut the fuck up to save my life, and I'm like, even if there's nobody talking to me, I'm still talking, like in my office.

SPEAKER_01 15:34

Yeah, I know. I'll sit, I'm like, is that her singing?

SPEAKER_04 15:38

It's just me. I couldn't tell the one day. I really cannot be quiet. It's so horrible. I cannot shut up. I'd be the worst librarian. People would be there like studying for their like fucking MCAT. I know be a doctor, and I'd be like And instead of like you being like shh, they're like shhiterly you and you're like the librarian. Also sitting in like a fucking library all day. Like I love terrain, don't get dropped. Yeah, you too. I feel like I would be in like jail after a while. Nobody's talking. You ever watch that show Silent Library? Where they have oh yeah, like different uh uh like tests. Challenges, yeah. Yeah, and they can't be too loud on the meter or else they lose. Yeah, it's just mad funny. It is funny. I like that too. Some of that shit is mad funny. I would fucking lose, or like when yeah, and I've seen like some people do the videos like on their own where they like bring items in their book bag, they have to pull it out, yeah, like from home, it's fucking hilarious, and sometimes they have to put like water in their mouth, yeah. That's so funny. I like those. Um all right, my next one would be the zookeeper. Really? I would get fi I would do it, but I'd get fired immediately because I would be like, Oh my god, what a cute little kitty.

SPEAKER_05 17:09

And I'm like trying to snuggle with like a lion.

SPEAKER_04 17:11

And Jess is just like running around the pin because the pin, the pen, because the lion's trying to get her and she's trying to pet it. Yeah, I just it would be I would like want to pet every animal.

SPEAKER_03 17:24

I know.

SPEAKER_04 17:25

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 17:26

Take one home with you.

SPEAKER_04 17:28

Oh, like little otters, a little penguin. Although they're they actually can be really mean penguins. What? Yeah, I used to work with some girl that used to like um seasonally work at the zoo and she was oh my god, she was like assigned to the penguins, and she would have to wear like these tall ass things because they'll sit there and peck because they're so like territorial. And I remember we went to we had like a penguin encounter, so we got to play with penguins, and the lady was like that was like putting it on said that there's only a select few of penguins that they can do it because they're trained to do it, because other penguins will just like just peck at you all the time. They seem so cute. I know they're so adorable, or like a monkey. Oh my god, a little golden lion tamarin. Oh I know I'd take it home being she's so cute, or like a fucking yeah. Mike Tyson, Jessica over here. He's gonna go home with a tiger. I am just gonna walk at home, right on a leash. She's gonna ride at home. Yikes. Why are we so immature? I even like the the little naked mole rats. Oh my god, kinda cute. So cute. They're so creepy, or the phonic foxes. They're easy. They're fucking drawingas. Even the fucking lizards they have there. They lost me. Lost me. I gotta say that. I'd be in there, fucking like that one at the zoo, that big ass fucking um tiguana thing. Yeah, what it motodragon. Oh hell no. Well, you know, we went to the zoo on Saturday, and it was kind of raining outside, but all the animals were so active. Really? The tiger like kept putting his head on the window, Tollio, and we've wanted to like his being pet. Yeah, it was really cute. I wanna or a sloth, they're so cute, but they're not. I would paint them. The nails. The one at the mall we got to we got to feed. And you see how we work there. Face instantly dropped.

SPEAKER_05 19:47

We had to go in and feed the animal, the sloth.

SPEAKER_04 20:00

I think sloths are so cute. They're fucking precious. There was they had a baby too. Aww, they're so cute. They look like so like they're so little and precious. I know. Oh fuck, they're so cute. It is adorable.

SPEAKER_06 20:15

I would probably take home any of the animals there except for any reptile slash amphibian, except a turtle. I would take one of them. Probably none of the birds except the penguins.

SPEAKER_04 20:28

Yeah. Um probably not a porcupine. They're so cute, but I don't know. They're really quite cute. Even the anteater is adorable. And the lemurs. Oh my god. Julian! Oh, they're so cute. I like the donkey tones. Oh my god. I would do a donkey farm. I would have one. Donkeys are actually really cute.

SPEAKER_06 20:55

Yeah, they are really cute. They're just like mini horses, but I don't really think horses are that cute.

SPEAKER_04 21:00

Cancel me if you want. Oh my god. You think horses are cute? I think horses are amazing. Jessica thinks scorpions are cute, probably. Oh, I would not take the scorpion or the tarantula. Yeah, I wouldn't be a tarantula.

SPEAKER_05 21:13

Oh I would get yeah, but I would get one of the little jumping spiders.

SPEAKER_04 21:20

What? They're so cute. I would go to Jessica's house, she has got one, it would like get on me and be like, ew, and I would like slap it to death.

SPEAKER_05 21:32

Um I can't remember the name of it, but the clip is the guy comes up to his colour. He's like, What's your pet rat's name? And he's like, I don't know who what does he say? He goes, I don't know who that is. He's like, What's your Pet rat's name. It's like just some random rat that fell on his shoulder. I would die. Family vacation or something like that.

SPEAKER_04 22:07

No, I can't remember, but it's fucking hilarious. And he's like, oh, what what what's your pet rat's name? And he's like, I don't know who that pet does this. He screams. Holy shit. I don't know why that was so funny. I'm sorry. That was fucking hilarious. That was funny. Swear I'm not stoned right now. I just feel like I am. Okay. So yeah. I would get fired from being a zookeeper. Maybe we should do that for the summer and just be zookeepers for the summer. Uh oh my god. Wouldn't that be fun? Or like volunteer. Yeah, and then be like, Ashi, you're on scorpion duty.

SPEAKER_03 22:49

And I'd be like, oh my bitch.

SPEAKER_06 22:50

You're on iguana duty. The fuck I am. Just gets the cuddly animals. I would fucking shoot myself.

SPEAKER_04 22:59

I would jump on the camel pen and ride it all the way home. I would love to be able to work with animals like that. Yeah, that is cute. Maybe like a sanctuary. I just talk videos all the time. I know. And these people like get to go fucking. It's so cool.

SPEAKER_03 23:12

That is cool.

SPEAKER_04 23:15

Alright. Okay, my next one is a bus driver. Doesn't matter what. Oh my god, that's a good one.

SPEAKER_06 23:23

A, because I it's hard for me to even drive a normal car sometimes. Yeah. And could you imagine a big ass fucking bus?

SPEAKER_04 23:30

I'd be like, when we're turning, I'd have to turn it like one mile an hour because I don't want to tip the bitch over.

SPEAKER_05 23:36

You see kids just lying everywhere.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

Oh god. Not to mention, like every kid has a cell phone nowadays, pretty much. I just I could not be a bus driver and have like these kids like me yelling at these kids, and I'm like on recording and my eyes are like bulging out like get out.

SPEAKER_04 23:56

And my like knuckles are away from like gripping the steering wheel so hard. Yeah, I could not. Even like the city bus, nothing. And not to mention, also, in the afternoon, these kids are so fucking overstimulated, all they do is scream the whole time.

SPEAKER_05 24:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:12

And I I would lose my shit. Me too. I would lose my ever-loving mind. There's no way. So like at least the school bus, like they pick the kids up, drop the kids off, then pick them back up from school and then drop them back off. So they like know where they're going.

SPEAKER_03 24:27

Or like, you know, they have like two destinations, whatever, between the houses and the the school, but like a centro driver just driving around for fucking eight hours a day in the same route. No. I'd be like, fuck dude.

SPEAKER_04 24:40

I'd lose and like all the fucking wackles they get on the bus. Okay, I know. Or like um a delivery driver. Could not. I'd fucking tip that shit over. I know. Tony would be pulling me out every four seconds. I feel like I need my own personal Tony because I cannot just like follow behind you. Or they'd be like, Ashley, why are you getting back at 11 p.m. Oh my god? Five miles an hour all day. I'm scared. I could not. I don't know how they draw those big ass fucking it's like hot as balls when it's the summer. Yeah, that's not for me. Yeah, that could never be for me. There's no way. Um an Uber driver. I feel like I would get so irritated with people. Yeah. What if you pick up somebody smelly? Yeah, or like what if someone's like hammered and they like shit their pants in my cot? Or like vomit vomit all over. Or like, what if I accidentally get in an accident and then I just like killed all of us? Yeah, there's oh my god. And there's like crazy weird insurance policy you have to have, like when you I I could never me neither.

SPEAKER_03 25:56

I couldn't do that either.

SPEAKER_04 25:57

And you only make like a certain percentage. And then what they tip you. Yeah, I just don't feel like it's worth it. Yeah, no, me neither. Unless you were like lived in like some more like Orlando where it just it's just constant like tourist people. Yeah, I could that's like how Washington is too.

SPEAKER_01 26:17

Like when you get off like the train or the airport or whatever, you go out and there's just Uber drivers just everywhere lined up, just waiting for somebody to do it so they can steal it. So they can say I'm here. Like it's it's crazy. Uh no.

SPEAKER_03 26:33

I couldn't do Uber either. Nothing with driving, honestly. Yeah, limo driver. Fuck no, that thing's way too long. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 26:41

What if they're like, oh, you have to parallel park it? I'm I'm not even a bad parallel parker like in a normal car, but not that fucking boat. No. Oh my god. Stress. She pulls up in a limo. This is all I could get, guys. Fucking fish tailing all over the road. We should get a limo service. Did it drive us to work? Yeah, there you go.

SPEAKER_05 27:07

No, you and I driving a limo.

SPEAKER_04 27:10

That too, but just for our daily drive. That's what we're gonna do. Our first big paycheck from our podcast. We're buying a limo. Buy a limo. That would be so retarded. Oh, sorry, I can't see that. We'll have it all decked out in pink. Oh my god, that'd be awesome. Just an open bar in the back. Yeah, or it's right in the driving little disco balls. That'd be awesome. I know. Could we imagine? We could just wear a pod from back there. Ooh, that'd be cute. We gotta hire somebody to drive us around in a limo. Could you imagine? We're bossing. Yes, I could. And then we get dropped off at our nine to five. We pretend we're balling like they like, all right, we gotta go back to work. We pull up and everybody's like, what the fuck are they doing that for? Oh my god. Um a barista. No, I loved being a barista. There's no fucking link.

SPEAKER_06 28:04

No, it's so much fun, and you get free drinks all day long.

SPEAKER_04 28:07

That'd be the only perk. Yeah, until you get a customer that's like one of those ladies that made you make her coffee seven times.

SPEAKER_03 28:15

I know. That's annoying as fuck.

SPEAKER_04 28:17

I could not. I could not do it. I loved being a barista.

SPEAKER_01 28:24

No?

SPEAKER_04 28:25

Really?

SPEAKER_03 28:26

What about working in any food? Like doing any. I would never do it again.

SPEAKER_04 28:31

Yeah, you are a waitress. It was my first job, Hooters. Woop whoop! I got paid on the butt cheeks, not the boobs. It literally was my first job ever. My father was very proud. That when I came home and told him I went what's the hooters around here? In the mall. Really? Yeah. You know when you walk come up in the food court? Yeah. And when you come up the elevator or escalator, right to the left. I think it's a hibachi place which is called. Oh yeah. Yeah. That used to be hooters. Yeah. That was probably way before I was. I started off as a hostess. Hostess to the most. Exactly. And then when I turned 18.

SPEAKER_02 29:18

Then you got to be a server.

SPEAKER_04 29:19

I got to be a server.

SPEAKER_02 29:20

That was awesome.

SPEAKER_04 29:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:22

Did you pretty good there?

SPEAKER_04 29:23

Yeah, I did. I made pretty good money. You'd be surprised. Why would they take it out? At how many make a killing here. Yeah. I that's a good point. I I don't know. I think it just I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if it just went under. I'd I honestly don't know what happened. Because it was there for a while even after I left. Yeah. I I've never heard of and it was always fucking busy.

SPEAKER_03 29:52

Yeah, I can imagine.

SPEAKER_04 29:54

Around here Wing Night and everything. It was just always so busy. There used to be several hoot I think they just went under because there's no hooters around here anymore.

SPEAKER_03 30:03

Yeah. I think there's only not that many left. No, that and they're like in high country. There's still some in down south. Yeah. But and they have Twin Peaks down there too, which is like kind of the same as Hooters. I think it's called Twin Peaks.

SPEAKER_04 30:18

Yeah. But I cannot believe you could never be a barista. What about our coffee shop?

SPEAKER_03 30:22

No one.

SPEAKER_04 30:24

Well that'd be different. That'd be my own. And we'd hire people. Yeah, fine. Oh, you're right. Yeah, but then exact yeah. No, okay, I'll make the drinks. Yeah. And you just be the greeter. You don't have Walmart stickers. Walmart greeter. We have like this. Oh my god. I couldn't do that either. Walmart greeter. If somebody didn't say hi back me, I would just take it personally. I know. I'd be like, okay. Fuck you too.

SPEAKER_03 30:56

Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_04 30:57

Have a good day. I get mad like even when I hold the door. Like I did this the other day. I like held the door. And they like walk out and don't say thank you. I'm like, you're welcome.

SPEAKER_03 31:05

I know.

SPEAKER_05 31:06

Like, would that hurt to just be like, oh thanks.

SPEAKER_04 31:09

Right.

SPEAKER_05 31:09

Or just thanks.

SPEAKER_04 31:11

Or just like even like a smile. A smile. A wave, a smile. Oh, I'm just here to serve you. You're the door, man. Yeah, literally. I was pissed. I get so mad at that. Me too. It's mad disrespectful. Even my children say. Or like when I'm like two fucking feet away from the door and they just let it close. And I'm like, no. Okay. I'm that person that the person could be like three miles away. And I'd be standing there with the door open the whole time. Just waiting them to get.

SPEAKER_05 31:36

They're like walking with a walker.

SPEAKER_04 31:38

I know mad slow. And I'm like, don't take your time. And I'm just like standing there for four hours. Oh my god. Okay, I can never be a stenographer in a court. Oh my god. No way. I'd get so engaged in the conversation, I'd be like, fuck, I wasn't type of this whole entire time. Like, oh, what'd they say? And then breathe some bullshit. Or like the fucking some of the crimes, like just like the funny shit.

SPEAKER_03 32:06

I know. And it's like witness said he chopped off my penis. And I'd be like, oh fuck.

SPEAKER_04 32:11

Are you serious, no? Like, you have to sit there too with like a blank face. Yeah, our faces.

SPEAKER_05 32:19

I'd be like, you know what I mean? Like, I'd be like I wouldn't be able to hide it.

SPEAKER_03 32:25

Witness can't stop fucking crying. I'm going to lose my shit.

SPEAKER_04 32:28

Once lunch, I'm starving. I need to check my phone and hit my voice. Yeah, I guess. I would just like get so engaged in like what's going on. And I feel like I have too much feeling for that. Like if I was like, oh no, you need to like put this guy away.

SPEAKER_03 32:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 32:44

Like, no, I'd be so biased. I could not do that. I don't know how they keep up with that either. I mean it. They're mad fast. They have like a special keyboard. Yeah. I think they actually make pretty good money. From I yeah. Can you imagine my next job? I pop out as a stenographer. No. And I'm just a fucking bullshit liar. Um let's see. Uh I could never be an emergency dispatcher. Me neither. I like that. My anxiety would be through the rope. Like, get there fast up. My emotions would go haywire. I know. We watch a lot of cop shows, and like um the one that we watch, there's um a dispatcher in there, and she's just like so calm and like knows how to like deal with everything. Like she has a lot of feeling, but like she doesn't like really yeah, you can't tell. I could not. I'd be like, you need to get there, and then I'd be like scared that somebody, you know what I mean? Like like when you're put in a situation, like your adrenaline kicks in, like I've had accidents happen in front of me where I've had to like get my trauma kit out of the car.

SPEAKER_03 33:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:00

And like help, but that's different. But I feel like calls like that all day. I I mean, I don't know. And then there's a girl on TikTok and she's a dispatcher, like a 911 dispatcher. And she'll be like on the phone, and then she'll like click upon it and be like, and she'll know like all the codes, and she'll be like, E4 to e yeah. I'm like, what is going on? E4 I don't even think is a code, but like just giving you off. I also can eat like an EMT. Literally, an EMT. I was thinking about doing the EMT classes. I just I don't know, like what these people see.

SPEAKER_01 34:37

Their first response is what they see. I just don't know how they go home and like I know you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_03 34:44

Like the child I mean I just don't know how they and they do not get paid enough.

SPEAKER_01 34:50

No, they do they don't. My brother used to be an E uh Amulence driver.

SPEAKER_03 34:54

They did not get paid.

SPEAKER_04 34:55

Uh my I watched my friend get hit by a car right in front of me. And um it was fucked, dude. And the MTs, like it was one of my brother's friends, and I just I don't know, I don't know how they go home after. Very true.

SPEAKER_03 35:13

Some of the shit they see, or like the ones that have to go into like standoff and like people, and that it's like mad dangerous for them too, or like car accidents with children, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:24

No, no fucking way, yeah. Nope.

SPEAKER_06 35:27

Okay, my next one is a palace guard in England. Oh, what? A palace guard, like the guards that stand outside the castle.

SPEAKER_04 35:34

Oh my god. So, first of all, you have to be have straight face and like pay attention the whole entire time, right? Like straight, and you're sitting on some of them are on the horse, like the ones especially in front of like the big doors or whatever. So when we went to London, we saw them and there was like mad tourists around, and they wanted to take pictures. So one of them went up to the horse and like had arm, and the guard shouted and like Yeah, like kind of like you're not supposed to go up to them, you're not supposed to touch the animals, nothing. He was like, he kept screaming at them, and I don't think they understood what he was saying because they were they didn't speak English, obviously, but and they like took like their baton and like yeah, I'm like dude. It's very serious, and you had to be like so even like um in Athens, there's the tomb of the unknown soldier, and those guys stand there in fucking blistering heat. I have a picture next to one of them. We were allowed to take pictures next to them, yeah, or whatever. Obviously, if we talk to them, they can't answer nothing, right? But for like 12 hours a day in the blistering heat, they're standing straight up, just like can you imagine straight up how like sore their bodies must be after? And when they there's like a whole why would you want to do that job? Kind of, I know I guess it's kind of rewarding. They make it pay good, I don't know. I would fucking hope so. There's like a whole ceremony that they have to do with like the changing of the guards and London and everything. I'm like, especially in Athens where it's fucking like a hundred degrees in the summer, and they're just they can't wear shorts, they're wearing like this whole outfit. That would die. The boots and everything. Yeah, that would die. And you can't talk and you can't smile, you can't do anything. I know there's like um these videos that of the guards, and some of them will let like certain people, like in a wheelchair or whatever, come up and the horse will like you know.

SPEAKER_03 37:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:33

But other times there's people that just try to come up and they like start yelling, right?

SPEAKER_03 37:38

Yeah, start like yeah. Yeah, it's scary. I might actually have a picture of it on my phone somehow.

SPEAKER_04 37:45

I'm like, I cannot do that. They're they have to be so serious. I mean, for good reason too. Like, obviously they're guarding the castle. Well, yeah. Well, at the time the queen was live, so that the queen is in the queen. The queen was in peace. Um I can never be a meteorologist.

SPEAKER_05 38:06

I'd be like so stupid.

SPEAKER_04 38:11

I just know a meteorologist. Um, they pretty much honestly these uh sock and don't know what they're doing. I'm like, how can you really like guarantee that the weather's gonna be like that? Also, they just read off of like a screen. Yeah. So they just have to like read what they're being told, what their prediction is. Yeah. Um I could do that. I couldn't. I would never want to be one. Yeah. I could not be like, I'd be causing panic that it's gonna like torrential downpour and it's like 85 degrees out and sunny. Or I'd have to be like, yeah, we're gonna have a really crazy storm, and I'd just be sitting there shaking my microphone because I'm like, fuck, I have to drive home in this. And I'd get anxiety and I'd start like blinking, zoning out, thinking about it. Oh my god. Or like news reporters, they have like that monotone voice, and they have to like be so serious, or like dealing with people when you're trying to like give the news people coming up and like giving the peace sign.

SPEAKER_01 39:12

I'd like want to just hit them with my microphone.

SPEAKER_04 39:14

I'd break in their head, bonk them. Yeah, the fuck out. Give them a nice light bunk. I'd say something really out of pocket on the news, or but they'd be like, We're live, we're live. I'd be like, shit, I read that word wrong or mess up my words a million times. Hmm, okay. I could not be a food critic. Why? Because first of all, I think McDonald's is fire, okay. Oh and also, like, you know those cooking shows, like I used to watch chopped a lot. Yeah. And some of the fucking ingredients, I'd be like, okay, I can't have seafood. I can't have this, this, this. Like, I could never eat because food critics, I feel like you have to like everything.

SPEAKER_01 40:00

You have to, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:01

I mean, I don't think you have to, but you need to kind of be open to trying new things. And I could not be. I'm not closed off to try new things, but if you put fucking put a fish in front of me, there's no way I'm touching it. If you fucking put octopi in front of you, not high. I want an octopus. To eat. No, as a pet. Man. I want one so bad. Get one. I looked into it. With a small one that doesn't grow. Yeah, you can't. You have to have like a special license. Yeah. It's fucking stupid.

SPEAKER_03 40:35

I think you can have jellyfish though. I wouldn't mind having jellyfish.

SPEAKER_04 40:39

I know. So my question is though, I look because I looked into those next. There's like jellyfish tanks. But like, how the fuck do you clean the water? Oh, I watched some girl do it. So she takes all her jellyfish out and she puts them in the bowl of the thing uh in a bowl. And then she like scrub the sides on the inside, and then all like the debris comes up. Yeah, I watched her do it on TikTok. Oh, really?

SPEAKER_03 41:05

They're not big, obviously. You can't get the big ones, like the small ones. Unless you have like a massive tank.

SPEAKER_04 41:10

Isn't enough room for them to go though? Like, I feel like they'd be miserable. I feel like any domesticated animal that's on a cat or dog is miserable. Yeah, this is true. Anything that you have to keep in a cage, I feel like is pretty miserable. Yeah, this is true. I would just want to like you could stick to like just having a dog, had it. Yeah, but that's I love my dog, but like what about an axolotl? I would definitely have one of them. They're cute. They're adorable. Oh, they just got a stuffed animal one. They're so fucking cute. They haven't killed a bear, I think. Really? And I didn't even know what it was up until recently. You're like, that's a real animal. I'm like, yeah. I didn't even never never heard of it. Yeah, they're cute. They're mad cute. Um they're probably we're talking about food critic, and then we got talking to having an ex an ask later as a pet. Um a lifeguard.

SPEAKER_05 42:16

I could not I can swim, but not like that.

SPEAKER_03 42:21

Me neither.

SPEAKER_04 42:22

Bro. I cannot I'd be like, huh, why are you guys going out there? I know. I can't swim. Yeah, I cannot be a lifeguard either. There's no way. I the ocean freaks me out to a degree. Like I can go like you know, but like what about like a lifeguard at like a pool? Like a public pool. Fuck no.

SPEAKER_01 42:45

I'd rather be a lifeguard at the ocean than that. Fuck no.

SPEAKER_04 42:50

Yeah, mad fucking kids come into a public pool. And it's like, oh god. I know. Or like when we were going to the Y, they would have the lifeguards just sit there and they couldn't be on their phone or anything, and there's nobody in the pool. They just had to sit there. They had to sit there and just stare at like an empty pool. Yeah. If I was lifeguard, I'd be praying for like rainy days every single day. And then you just wouldn't get paid. You just let it rain today. I'd make sure I was salaried and then beg for rain every single day. Yeah, but anyone who's a lifeguard enjoys doing it.

SPEAKER_03 43:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 43:21

You don't just become a lifeguard like just for a job. I could not be Baywatch, they're way too sexy.

SPEAKER_01 43:30

Oh my god. No, me neither.

SPEAKER_04 43:35

Um I could never be a model. I could never be personal. I couldn't either. They'd be like, you're my personal partner. I'd be like, yeah, I know. We're doing this together, baby, okay?

SPEAKER_05 43:57

My motivation I'll be yours, okay? We're gonna Learn this together.

SPEAKER_06 44:01

I did my class online. They had no idea what I was like.

SPEAKER_05 44:05

It took an online course to be here.

SPEAKER_04 44:08

I watched some YouTube videos. Like my modeling portfolio. It's all FaceTune. They'd be like, are you in the right spot? Like, no, Land Bryant's over there.

SPEAKER_06 44:17

I'd be like, I'm getting fear.

SPEAKER_04 44:21

Yourself in concussion.

SPEAKER_05 44:23

Jesus.

SPEAKER_04 44:24

And be like, alright, Swag. Oh, that's fucking hilarious. Torin, back there. Plus size. I know. Like, fuck. That would ruin my life. My God. They're gonna be like, you're five too, a whopping 500 pounds, you look like a bowling ball.

SPEAKER_05 44:48

Stop it. Like, okay.

SPEAKER_04 44:52

Oh my god. Um I could never be a therapist. I think I'd maybe be good at it, but there'd probably be like I think you would be a good therapist. Yeah. I guess it would have to be like I couldn't I actually feel like I would be good at it. But I would have to be able to pick like certain Yeah, like certain clients.

SPEAKER_03 45:23

Yeah. Clients, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 45:24

Like a certain criteria.

SPEAKER_03 45:27

Yeah, I wouldn't mind being one.

SPEAKER_04 45:29

I'm really empathetic, but I feel like Are you though? Yes, you are. Um Yes you are.

SPEAKER_03 45:37

Yeah, but no, I think I could be. I think I would just go home and be like, oh bad, dude. I know.

SPEAKER_04 45:46

Yeah. I think you would be a good therapist, though. I think you could do you give really good advice. Thank you. And you're you play devil's advocate a lot, which is so good. I know it just throws me over the fucking edge. So like it's so bad. It's good. I try to. I tr I do. I try. Because then listen, you're my baby girl.

SPEAKER_05 46:11

I always got you back. She does. But I'm definitely gonna always be honest with you.

SPEAKER_03 46:20

Is sometimes never the best policy.

SPEAKER_04 46:26

Uh I could never be a lawyer. Oh because if they were like playing the media, they're like, okay, so what about this? I'd be like, are you fucking kidding me? I'd be so pissed. And if I didn't get my way, I'd just like throw a fit. I can't. Like if my client didn't win. Especially like court appointed. Yeah. I would well those ones I feel like don't really care. Like the ones they actually give you. Like if you sometimes like I had a court appointed lawyer when I was doing my when I first had to have one. Um it was more like, you know, custody shit. He was fucking great. Was he? I lost you have to pay him. No, because it I it was oh through yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:12

And and it's crazy because then I paid for a lawyer in my second round of bullshit I went through, and she sucked. She still owes me money.

SPEAKER_04 47:23

Really? Yes, she still owes me money.

SPEAKER_02 47:26

What happened that she owes you money?

SPEAKER_04 47:29

Um, so I gave like a deposit is basically what it's it was like two thousand dollars. I think they call that what, a retainer. A retainer, yeah, a deposit. Um, and we ended up not going to trial. And like in our contract, it states if you don't go to trial, you get it back, you get reimbursed whatever you don't use. God, have you contacted them? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 47:51

And they don't say anything.

SPEAKER_04 47:53

I said I literally actually just reached out to her because yeah. So I would well, I mean, like I said, I paid the $2,000, but we only went to court, I think, one time. So technically, whatever that, you know, yeah would cost. I just know we didn't go to trial, so she needs to give you your fucking money, but huh? Sure fucking does. Um, I could never be HR. I have that on my list too.

SPEAKER_03 48:28

I was gonna say that for the end because I was like, I was gonna be like, so I mentioned before that I could never work in HR.

SPEAKER_04 48:34

Yeah, no, I I couldn't. Me neither. I and I think it's because like I would just have too much fun. Me too. I think about it like in our job. And I would hate to like have to be like really and like be strict with them, like if I had to be. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:56

Maybe if like it was a different job.

SPEAKER_04 48:58

Yeah, where I didn't really and you didn't know anybody and that's what you're getting hired into. And like you could be closed off to people.

SPEAKER_03 49:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 49:07

To a degree, you know what I mean? But we are now like another fucking DHR. Especially like my last job. This one girl that I worked with literally like contacted HR because another kid that we worked with, like she had a crush on him, and then he like like kind of rejected her, like didn't want anything to do with her or whatever. And obviously, like he doesn't have to have it to want to do anything with her just because she likes him, right?

SPEAKER_03 49:38

Right. And she like went to HR and HR contacted me because I worked in there.

SPEAKER_04 49:42

They're like, Can you give the situation? I'm like, Yeah, this is the situation. Like, um, she likes him, he doesn't like her back, she's finding a way to all like retaliate. I'm like, Really? Yeah, and she like try to get him for sexual harassment, even though he literally like would never even talk to her. Oh, see, that's just so scary. No, it's fucking annoying. Like, but actually, somebody coming to you, and then you have to contact all these people, and all the people are like, no, she's just like retaliating her back. It's scary though. Like, women who act like that, it's I can't fucking stand that. Yeah, I can't stand it. And and a lot of men, I think get pride for that shit, yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_06 50:25

And I feel like as HR, I'm like, why am I even fucking dealing with this catty ass bullshit right now?

SPEAKER_01 50:30

Like, how old are we? You know, there's always that one person who has the fucking who's a pick me.

SPEAKER_04 50:39

Who's a pick me? I know.

SPEAKER_06 50:40

I'm like, what are you getting out of this?

SPEAKER_04 50:42

And did she think nobody would know? Because she contacted all of us.

SPEAKER_00 50:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 50:46

HR lady. And I'm like, bruh. Really? Yeah. Like they called me at home. They're like, can we call you? What the fuck? They're like, um, your day off? No, I didn't go until 10:30. They're like, we speeding at like nine o'clock. I'm like, yeah, that's fine. So they like called me and I was like, I told them straight up how it was. Good. Yeah, I don't know. I cannot. No. So yeah, because if somebody came to me with some bullshit ass fucking, like, somebody's being too loud, I'd be like, Wear earplugs, bro. Like, I'm not here to cater to you every second. No, literally. I'd be like that. I'd be like, oh, you're an adult, figure it out. Every solution has a problem.

SPEAKER_01 51:31

Every solution does have a problem.

SPEAKER_04 51:34

Fill your ears with concrete. Like, I don't know what to tell you. I don't I don't have time. Like, I'm bigger fish to fry. I was just gonna say bigger fish to fry. Oh my god. Yeah, I just feel like I'd I'd never be able to I don't know. Some of these fucking complaints and shit. Yeah. I'd be like, those are not complaints, you're just being a pus. A pus. What's a job you would cry at immediately, do you think? That I would cry at? Yeah. Maybe like a vet. Oh my god, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:13

Or like a CPS worker. Social workers.

SPEAKER_04 52:22

Social worker would be tough. That would be tough. A vet hundred percent. I used to cry when I was a cashier at the grocery store. What? Because some people can be so mean. Fuck my job now. Yeah. People can be really mean. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 52:42

People are nasty as fuck, and I hate that.

SPEAKER_04 52:50

Um, what other jobs would I cry jobs? What other jobs would I cry at?

SPEAKER_01 52:55

Those are two good ones.

SPEAKER_03 52:57

I want to be a nurse, but could never be a Nikki nurse. Oh fuck. Um, could never work in oncology, especially pediatric oncology.

SPEAKER_04 53:08

Um Yeah, those are good ones. I could I couldn't.

SPEAKER_03 53:17

Me neither. What else am I not?

SPEAKER_04 53:19

I'm way too emotional for that. Yeah, me too. Way too fucking emotional for that.

SPEAKER_03 53:25

Especially kids.

SPEAKER_04 53:27

Yeah. I know I'd want to take every kid home.

SPEAKER_03 53:30

Like every time Leo has to go to the hematologist because it's in the same building as the cancer center. It's in like the same wing, so I have to take them.

SPEAKER_04 53:39

And there's just like kids they're ports and they're doing their chemo. Oh my god. It's devastating as fuck. I hate going in there. I always get really sad after. But yeah, there's no way.

SPEAKER_03 53:51

Um what else kinda go? Yeah, I think that's yeah.

SPEAKER_04 53:55

Maybe a cop, I would probably cry. If I was a cop. Showing up to like fucking yeah. Some crazy ass shit. Yeah. I would never have wanna be a cop. Me neither. There's no fucking way.

unknown 54:09

No way.

SPEAKER_04 54:09

I could never be a stripper. I'd be the biggest fucking stripper they've ever seen in their life. I doubt that. If I was a stripper and I had to put like all that grease on me, I'd just be like a greasy little pig just laying all over the ground.

SPEAKER_05 54:21

Wait, what was it? We talked about this at one point about something about in one of our episodes, and you're like, it's something like a wet seal or something. It's like sliding across the stage.

SPEAKER_04 54:36

Or you know, like in like some of those like corny ass fucking comedy movies, and like a big girl takes off her underwear and it's like you just spot you mean like it's like a blanket, it like wraps like 10 people up at one time. I could never do that. Oh shit. Yeah, I could never. I I do you have any more? And no, I don't have any more. That was it for me, too. I can't think of any.

SPEAKER_03 55:04

I feel like and like I could find any single job, I could find a reasoning.

SPEAKER_04 55:09

A problem, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:10

Legit.

SPEAKER_04 55:12

I'm keeping my options open just in case any employer is listening right now. You can come work for me. I'd be like sold. My god.

SPEAKER_01 55:24

This does not mean that we're putting out into the universe that we want to get fired from our jobs.

SPEAKER_06 55:28

No, so whoever's listening to this, shut the fuck up.

SPEAKER_05 55:31

So please no. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 55:38

Okay, well, I think that wraps up episode 13. That's crazy. Lucky number 13. I know.

SPEAKER_05 55:47

Oh yeah!

SPEAKER_04 55:56

Oh, so cute. All right, everybody. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you.

SPEAKER_06 56:03

That was disgusting.

SPEAKER_04 56:05

I love that. Just a reminder, this podcast is for entertainment purposes only. We are not licensed therapists, dating coaches, or role models. We're just two coworkers, microphones, and opinions.

SPEAKER_05 56:18

Perfect.