Episode 15: Us vs. Us

Two girls. One question. Zero accountability.

We’re playing “Who’s More Likely To” and things get way too honest way too fast. From toxic habits to unhinged behavior we definitely shouldn’t admit out loud, nothing is off limits and nobody is safe (especially us).

Expect laughs, arguments, and at least one moment where we try to justify something we absolutely cannot justify.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Episode 15. Hello.

SPEAKER_02 0:10

Hello. Everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Workwise and Censor. This is Ashi. This is Jess. Sorry for the hiatus. Jess had a baby. Okay, definitely know. I went on vacation. Her gestational period was two weeks.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

That was awesome. She's like a bunny rabbit.

SPEAKER_02 0:34

Oh my god. Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back. Boop boop. So we're doing an episode today on who is more likely to. So let's get the shit show started. Okay. Do you want to go first or do you want me to? I'll go first. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

I'm gonna find a good one to start us out with. Please do. Who's more likely to get written up at work?

SPEAKER_02 1:06

Ooh. You. You for sure. I thank you. Probably, honestly. I'm pretty reckless with my mom. I think. And then I because I I have a really good boss. So it would have to be something. It would have to be something really fucked up that I did.

SPEAKER_01 1:28

Or it'd be somebody else trying to get you in trouble.

SPEAKER_02 1:30

This is true, which I wouldn't put it past them.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

What's happening?

SPEAKER_02 1:37

Yeah, I think you. Do you agree with that? Probably, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Um, let's see here. Okay, hold on. Who is more likely to accidentally start office gossip?

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Well, the only person I really talk to at work is you. Or Jason. Jason, what's up, brother? Um, so mate, I don't think either of us intentionally Yeah, it definitely said accidentally. I think maybe like if we were to do something and then other people would recognize it.

SPEAKER_02 2:21

I that would start it. I think it would be us having like a conversation, me talking about it, and someone walking by and hearing it or something like that.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

Like when I had that job interview, yeah. And everybody knew about it.

SPEAKER_02 2:34

I know I was like, bro. I don't think it was being that loud. The problem is that your office is open. Yeah, but they knew about it before because you were like, Yeah, I have my interview as your thing. I have my interview today. Can I use your office? It's like, yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

And then I wonder how everybody knows everything about me. It's because you're screaming at the bottom out. Even when he whisper, it's like you you I'm wearing my shirt tomorrow to work. It says, I'm not yelling, I'm just Greek. I like that.

SPEAKER_02 3:10

So faith hits you. Oh my god. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Who's more likely to win an argument they know nothing about? Oh, they know they're wrong about. I can't read.

SPEAKER_02 3:24

Oh. Um, to win an argument they know they're wrong about. I feel like you because you would just do some sort of a digging or investigating and then and find something really shitty on them that had nothing to do with the argument.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

Four weeks ago at this exact minute, UBS. So honestly, I'm right. I probably just cry. So I will see how 10 post fucking gallows.

SPEAKER_02 3:51

And by long answer. I don't know. It depends. I it it depends on with who, because there's times where I've been pretty fucking stubborn about an argument that I know I was fucking wrong. And I was like, Yeah, it doesn't matter though. You did this three years ago. Okay. So don't fucking play with me, okay? You did this, but I think you. Um who's more likely to quit their job dramatically? Me. I think I really haven't planned out. Okay. I remember I gotta tell this story when I like first kind met you. Oh, oh god. And like I I didn't really know you like that, you know, but I remember I had to come back to the office for something, and I walk in and I hear you in your office, and like, you know, co-workers got brought in with HR and stuff, and I hear you like kind of like, this is ridiculous, and you were crying. And like I sat there and I was like, what the fuck is going on? And I grabbed my stuff and I walked out, and you were outside crying with HR. And it's not like a giant plus right now. No, no, no, no, you had very good reason for that. But I remember I wanted to text you so bad just because it I really made me upset. It made me like I felt it, it made me really sad. And I was like sitting there for like a day, like because it was, I think it was a Friday. It was a Friday, yeah. And I was so close to being like, hey, it's not my business. I just want you to know, I hope you're okay. Like, and I didn't, but then I was like, no, I don't want to be weird and text her and her be like, it's none of your fucking business. I'm mad at that. I didn't know that. I was so close, I was like, I want her to get upset, and be like, it's none of your business, or some weird shit. So I didn't.

SPEAKER_01 5:38

Poor Mac just about bulldozed him right through the door, busting out uh because he was like walking in. Oh Matt's like so upset.

SPEAKER_02 5:46

I know I felt so bad when I walked out and you were there crying. I was like, I know, I felt so bad. But I definitely think you would be the one to quit dramatically.

SPEAKER_01 5:57

Yeah, me too. I already thought about it.

SPEAKER_02 5:59

I would walk out with my head down, like, damn, I can't believe this just you'd be like, fuck you, fuck you. Let me talk about yourself for a little bit. Yeah, I got a lot to say before I walk out the door.

SPEAKER_01 6:12

And I'd probably mess up my words and just embarrass myself when I missed. Oh who's more likely to end up in jail for a day? Oh, I'd be laugh. Have you been?

SPEAKER_02 6:33

Uh no, I have not. Um I haven't either yet. It it's a tough one. I feel like you because you do out of pocket shit, but I feel like me because it'd probably be me being like, oh, let me help you. And then like I get stopped. Yeah. And I get like arrested because like some guy has like crack in my car. Like I'm giving a homeless guy a ride to or something. Crack gone. Yeah. Everything else. That's a that's a tough one. I feel like it would be you because even getting myself into a predicament helping. Who's more likely to get caught talking instead of working? Me.

SPEAKER_01 7:11

Your boss yesterday. When he's like, Are you do some work? You're like, probably.

SPEAKER_02 7:16

He's like, probably. I'm like, yeah, at some point. Probably. I've gotten caught too many times for fucking talking at work. Come on. I know. I was like, I swear to god, it was like four, four fifteen, and I was like laughing in my office talking to somebody. I was like, if today is not the fucking day. I'm telling you. I was like, I swear to god, if somebody fucking says something to me, today is not the day. I would have gone ballistic.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

I don't understand why talking is a crime.

SPEAKER_02 7:48

It's because I'm loud. Hello. Yeah, but so was every fucking buddy else that comes in. Is it my turn or ears?

SPEAKER_01 7:54

Who just went yell me? No.

SPEAKER_02 7:57

Me.

SPEAKER_01 7:58

Yeah. Who's more likely to fall in on first?

SPEAKER_02 8:04

Me.

SPEAKER_01 8:05

I think so too.

SPEAKER_02 8:06

I think so. I think it would be me.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

I think it would be you too.

SPEAKER_02 8:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

I think you feel people a lot more than I do.

SPEAKER_02 8:15

I I can't I think that sounds weird. I just lock off start feeling people.

SPEAKER_01 8:21

I think you like take in their energy and of course like you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 8:26

Yeah, money. Yes. And you're like, I do.

SPEAKER_01 8:28

Better than me. I'm like shallow as fuck, kind of. Sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 8:33

Yeah, that's why I love you. And I get icked out really easily. Yeah. Uh I agree with that. Who is more likely to accidentally send a text to the wrong person? I did that the other day. So you. I feel like you would do that too, though. Oh, dear God. Maybe, maybe. It's definitely possible.

SPEAKER_01 8:59

Who's more likely to forget their own birthday plans?

SPEAKER_02 9:04

Me. I feel like you're a pretty good planner.

SPEAKER_01 9:07

You think I'm a good planner?

SPEAKER_02 9:08

Yeah. I have a really good memory. I feel like I feel like you're really go with the flow. Like, but you're also good at being like, this is what it is, this is and like sticking to that. Okay. I like that. Yeah. I'll take that one. I feel like I definitely would forget that there's like a plan. Sometimes you like forget or forget. No, like I really forget. Like Saturday, for example. Um, my niece wanted to go to Costco, and like we had plans to go to Aubrey's grandparents for breakfast, me and the girls. And for Lila's birthday, I fucking completely forgot about it. Just like, and she texted me. Yeah, and I was like, shit, fuck. It's because I there's this too much shit. Yeah, there's a lot going on. I I forget it. Um, who's more likely to survive a zombie apocalypse? I was just gonna do that one.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

Um, probably not effing me because I can't run. My vape lungs would be fucking hacking.

SPEAKER_02 10:14

Just take me down. Like my popcorn's popcorn just starts coming out of my mouth.

SPEAKER_01 10:22

Where's my vape?

SPEAKER_02 10:26

Bro, I watched this video speaking of vapes, and this kid was like, me, if I was Jack and Titanic, and he's must be like in his bathtub or something, you know, and like water's coming up to him, and he's like he's laying there and he's like and then like his hand goes down, he goes underwater, you know, like smoke smoke. How literally I I would only be able to survive a zombie apocalypse if I was with you.

SPEAKER_01 10:55

If we were together and if my babe died, because then I'm right hooking everything. I'd be so pissed.

SPEAKER_02 11:00

Foam died to go robin smoke shops. Hopefully, they have one in their pockets. Hopefully, those zombies were like teenage boys and hit it. The panel now, you know, I suppose you did one or in their pockets. Yeah, I have a whole med bag ready to go in case the end of the world comes. Do you have like zombie like what is it called? What zombie goose?

SPEAKER_01 11:25

No, you know when you like in those movies, I had to slip like eight times. I do it again.

SPEAKER_02 11:31

You know when they like get infected by something and then they have something to reverse it. Yeah, antidote. Yeah, like the antidote. You have that in your med bag? No, I'll get it though, don't worry.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

We could dress up like zombies. We could try to pedem with that. I don't do any of these. I wish I wish everyone saw you just now. That's fucking hilarious. That's so humbling. Oh my god. Oh my god, that's so fucking funny.

SPEAKER_02 12:03

I wish we could do like like obviously we won't die, but like um God. I know, are you well? Like where we go into like the zombie world and like yeah, think about the word. I think that'd be a lot of fun. Yeah. Who's more likely to cry during a commercial? Me. Jessica. I'd be like a dog one. I'd be like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 12:33

Yeah, that makes me want to die.

SPEAKER_02 12:41

The Ethiopian children. Fuck and male for real. Missing Jude's one. I missing so yeah. I know. They're really sad. Who's more likely to join a cult?

SPEAKER_01 12:55

What kind of cult are we talking? Like a religious cult. I'd be the one that they like sacrifice. Like, please their god, probably.

SPEAKER_02 13:05

Like, get her out of here. I don't know. And again, cult.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

If it was like a crystal cult, I feel like it would be you.

SPEAKER_02 13:13

Yeah, probably. Don't be like standing on the street, like putting my crystal in your face.

SPEAKER_01 13:18

Whatever, like, join us.

SPEAKER_02 13:21

The one with us. Comeditate with us in the trees. Instead of selling Bibles door to door, you just give them like pinflets of what every rock means. Oh my god. Oh, who's more likely to laugh at the wrong moments? Me, I think. 100% you 100% it's you. Sometimes I don't know. When's a good time to laugh? It would be you. Like one time I was talking to one of the drivers, and he was I didn't know he was really mad that day. I'm like, Are you kidding? He goes, Nope. And he was like so pissed, but like, not that I laughed at that, but I was like making kind of funny. The other day, Alan, when I was like making a joke and he goes, I'm not in the mood today, Ashley. I'm like, okay. You know what I mean? Like they can't. Yeah. Yeah, 100%. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:18

Who's a haircut? I really get on.

SPEAKER_02 14:28

Who's more likely to get a wild haircut and then regret it immediately? Oh.

SPEAKER_01 14:36

I don't think either of us. I don't either. We do not want to cut our hair.

SPEAKER_02 14:40

No. Yeah. I flew out with a pixie clip tomorrow. Oh my god, no. Buzz cut? No.

SPEAKER_01 14:48

Will you slap my head?

SPEAKER_02 14:49

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 14:50

My little peach head. I'm my peach buzzhead. I'd look like a boy.

SPEAKER_02 14:54

I'd be the worst mall person. I don't think either of us. I don't think you know. Yeah. If if we had to pick someone, it'd probably be me. And I'd regret it immediately. Yeah, but the ones that you showed me that you want are so cute. And I wouldn't let you regret it. I'd be like, you look adorable. Yeah. You'd be lying.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

No, you can pull up anything.

SPEAKER_02 15:15

Yeah, right. I'm in a garbage bag.

SPEAKER_01 15:18

Shut up. I'm gonna tie you up in that garbage bag and throw you in the garbage.

SPEAKER_02 15:23

I show up in my garbage bag dress tomorrow. Do you have one? I'm gonna make one.

SPEAKER_01 15:29

That's awesome. Should I wear the same thing?

SPEAKER_02 15:30

You should. Twinning? We'll we'll show up with our glad bird.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

Well sorry are yours. I think ours are white right now.

SPEAKER_02 15:37

They are white right now.

SPEAKER_01 15:39

Look so pale.

SPEAKER_02 15:41

I know, but white is the worst. Especially when you like thinking. Yeah, but you're saying right now. Yeah, I'll I could rock away one for a little bit right now. Make me look tanner. Oh, let's see. Who's more likely to forget where they parked?

SPEAKER_01 15:57

It's a two point.

SPEAKER_02 15:59

You mean?

unknown 16:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:01

Did I park somewhere weird one time?

SPEAKER_02 16:03

I I just I feel like you would be one. I just I feel like you would forget where I parked. Yeah. I do. Maybe like in like really busy places. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 16:13

Oh, you know what? I would.

SPEAKER_02 16:15

I do. I feel like you'd be like coming out. Like just looking around party. I I mean I've done it before, but I feel like if it was you or I, I'd feel like it would be you. Or like where is it that there's like sections? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 16:29

You know, a parking and I always remember like yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:32

Oh limp defair or yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:35

I have to remember which one. Or even the zoo, you know how they like micro. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:40

Who's more like oh he's not done? Who's more likely to have the most embarrassing search history? Oh um shit. Maybe you because of all your stocking that you do. There's like all these random names.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

No, yeah, mine is probably really weird.

SPEAKER_02 17:07

What else do you think? I don't know. I would have to look at my search history right now. Yeah, I don't know. It's actually not bad. It's just a bunch of tracking. School stuff. More school stuff. Informed delivery. Mine's like fucking okay, mine. I need this. Yesterday. Yesterday, Lila said something to me. And she said, I don't, she was talking about we were talking about popcorn and and chickens for some reason. I don't remember what it was, but she literally asked my phone, are chickens allowed to eat popcorn? So yeah, mine. Yeah, probably it would be mine. Um, who is more likely to embarrass themselves in public? Me. Probably. Oh my god. Who's more likely to snoff a new guy's entire family tree? That would be you. That would be you.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

It doesn't even have to be like a new guy anything.

SPEAKER_02 18:17

No, it could just be anyone. I could just mention someone and you'd be like, hold on. I know their address, I know the telco number. Their grandmother's fucking third cousin. Third is the dog. Yeah, is for a when they died. Who is more likely to ghost someone first? I think me. I agree. You're too nice to do that, I think. I definitely think it'd be you. Yeah. Who's more likely to cry in public? I think me. I think you too. You are you you I don't think you're a super emotional person unless it's something that really triggers you bad. And that's like work.

SPEAKER_01 19:13

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_02 19:13

So I should just ex-nave out. Other than that, I don't feel like you show a lot of emotions on that, like as far as crying. I've cried in my office a couple times. Yes, I but as far as like emotions where like something like small or whatever could like I don't know. I I feel like it's me. I feel like I'm a little more emotional like with things than you. I try to hide it sometimes. Yeah, I do too. Yeah, I get really sworn. Yeah. Um, who's more likely to get married first?

SPEAKER_01 19:52

Oh god. Who's more likely to get married first? Well, we both have kind of the same views, I guess. Well, I need Jessica to get married so I can be her maid of honor.

SPEAKER_02 20:03

I think we'll marry each other. I think that's a great effing idea.

SPEAKER_01 20:07

Can you imagine we get married and we get to play a wedding trip?

SPEAKER_02 20:12

Oh my god, a honeymoon and a bridal shower. Oh my god. Heck, would we be able to go on like that? The bachelorette trip together, yeah. Of course. Since we're it would be for both of us. The bride and the bride. Yeah, I love that. We'll have really pretty dresses. Oh my god, that'd be awesome. I love this idea. I love this idea.

SPEAKER_01 20:35

Who's more likely to accidentally go viral?

SPEAKER_02 20:39

Me, because I'm an idiot with it. It'd be me. I'd be like recording a video, like just trying to see what it looks like and hit submit, and it's like on my nose with like shit insert. And then I'd be like, fuck, how do I delete this? And 300,000 views within 30 seconds of just me. And then you're like on the news the next morning, and like girl goes viral for accident like posting up there. I do, I feel like it'd be me. I think so too. Um, who's more likely to flirt without realizing it? Me, Jessica. But I'm working. That's an adieu. I'm working, you know, but you shouldn't have to change that. People should just like realize they're not that special.

SPEAKER_01 21:25

Yeah, but and that you're just a good person and you're nice and you're kind, and that's just how you are.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

Because they're weird.

SPEAKER_02 21:35

I'm a humble one real quick. Yeah, I just need to put you in my pocket and carry it around. So, like anytime I'm like, oh, I have a wonderful, yeah, and you're like, shut the fuck up. Go fuck yourself. You're not that special. Um, who is more likely to stay friends with an axe? Yo.

SPEAKER_01 22:01

Jessica?

SPEAKER_02 22:05

Holy moly. Not me. Are you kidding? I don't do that. How many times a day do I do this? No, it's not that money. I'll go like this. Okay. Oh my god. Stop. I think friends though is like a um a light term. Yeah. It is. I agree.

SPEAKER_01 22:33

Cause I don't know. Well, I mean kind of friends, but like not friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Right. I agree.

SPEAKER_02 22:41

Who's more likely to take 20 minutes to tell a two-minute story? Fuck me. I get yelled at for that all the time. I love it. I literally will have people be like, okay, yup, okay. Like, I get, you know, some people tell me that too because I just repeat myself. Yeah. They're like, okay, but just like you're going off on another. And I'll be like, all right, sorry. It's a long scriptur. And I'm like, you didn't cross the road.

SPEAKER_01 23:09

Literally. My friend in high school, my best friend in high school used to say that I would start a sentence and then just stop talking.

SPEAKER_02 23:15

Oh my and then oh can you finish that? Okay, so you're guilty of this horribly to this day. You will come in and you'll be like, so guess what? And you'll hear a footstep. And next thing I know, I blink and you're fucking done. And I'm like, okay, I'll talk to you in 20 minutes when you can finish that really juicy part of that story.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

Even if it's something stupid, like I really go when I'm telling a story and I just kind of forget, so I just stop.

SPEAKER_02 23:44

And yeah. But then they're like, Yeah, I live this every day. I lend this. I know. It's so frustrating. Um, who's more likely to slide into someone's DMs? Ooh. I I think we talked about this, but neither of us reverse. Yeah. I agree.

SPEAKER_01 24:07

We don't chase, we attract.

SPEAKER_02 24:09

Yeah. There's no way.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

I used to say that all the time. I don't chase, I attract. Mind you, I was like 400 pounds. I reope a sign. Like, okay, bye. Who are you attracting? You cave dweller. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 24:30

Oh my god. Who's more likely to buy a planner and never use it? Me. Jossica. Me. From two years ago. I know. I went into your office one day. I'm like, this is such a cute planner. I feel like I open it up, there's fucking nothing in it. Nothing in it. This is why I forget shit, because I don't fucking write it down. You forget your planner too at work. I know. But it's so big. It's like it's so cute, but it's so big.

SPEAKER_01 24:57

So cute.

SPEAKER_02 24:58

It's like I'm not lugging this around to like write down, you know, Lila's birthday breakfast. Okay. Like maybe you should have. I probably should have. I should have. Oh my god. Uh who's more likely to catch feelings after one date.

SPEAKER_01 25:24

I don't know. I don't know either. That's a hard one.

SPEAKER_02 25:32

Not that we go on dates, but I know.

SPEAKER_01 25:35

I catch feelings when I walk into Justin's office.

SPEAKER_02 25:37

I catch feelings every day for you. That's a hard one. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like neither of us.

SPEAKER_01 25:50

Yeah. Because we don't really care. That's so hard. I don't know. Oh my god. Who's more likely to have 87 tabs open on Safari?

SPEAKER_02 26:05

Me.

SPEAKER_01 26:06

How many got? You're gonna shoot when I show you mine.

SPEAKER_02 26:09

Is it bad?

SPEAKER_01 26:10

Look. Yours first.

SPEAKER_02 26:14

I have 86. I have 500. Oh my fucking god, really? Yeah, I don't delete them. Because I'm like, oh maybe I'll need this one day. Let's see. What do I need? I would have never thought that. I know that's crazy. It fucks the fuck out of me, but I don't want to sit there and delete all 500 now. Who's more likely to start a new life after watching one motivational TikTok? Me. Yeah. I do that sometimes. I'll like see something and I'm like, yes, that's it. That's gonna be me. And I do it for two days. Back to the same shit, y'all. Sweet church of habit, all right? Oh my god. Um yeah, for real. Okay, is it my turn? Yeah, baby, I think so. Sorry. All right. Um let's see here. Who's more likely to forget an anniversary? Uh uh. Um, I don't know. I'm good at birthdays, but I think other dates are like kind of hard. Like I don't even know what day my parents got married November or something. Yeah, I used to shit. Now that you say that, I used to remember my parents and I can't remember now.

SPEAKER_01 27:43

Fuck. Who's more likely to say one drink and end up closing the bar?

SPEAKER_02 27:47

Me, Jessica. I do that. I'm just gonna go off for a drink or two. Just just like one or two. That's it. I don't even wanna go. I don't even wanna go. And then I get there and I'm not literally Friday night.

SPEAKER_01 28:01

Yeah, I'm probably gonna roll for like a drink tonight. Monday morning. Oh my god, I was there for seven hours.

SPEAKER_02 28:11

I do that a lot, or I'll be like, you know, I'm leaving soon. I'm leaving soon. And then, you know, two hours later. Well, that early. That's you. I'm just a free bird. What can I say? I don't like a bird. Yeah. Do you want to fly away? Sometimes. Who is more likely to move to another country? Hopefully me. I think if anyone did, it'd be you. Between us, I mean. I think it would be you. Do I want to do it? Yeah, what I do, I don't know. You can't. I will not let you. Yeah, put your bracelines. My brain lines in terribly. Okay, let's see here. Who's more likely to overanalyze a K text for three hours? Oh fuck. I that's a good one. I feel like both of us, but it'd be me. Yeah. I feel like it'd be me. If I got a text in that, I'd be like, Jess, what do you think this means? Yeah. Like, let's just get the context. Right. You think it could be this, this, this, this? Me, I'm like. The whole time I just asked him what his favorite element was, and he said potassium. Okay. Could you come in? Yeah, I definitely think it'd be me. Yeah. I think. Yeah, I think so too. Who's more likely to survive in the wilderness? Jessica.

SPEAKER_01 29:38

Oh my god. I said I reposted a TikTok the other day.

SPEAKER_02 29:41

It said in quotation that said want to go camping in quotations, and then it says absolutely the fuck not. Oh my god. I reposted that. Yeah. I love to be in the wilderness. I love it. I do. I feel like I'd be like, the end of the world is coming. Here's our coordinates. You have to meet me here. And you'd show up and I'd have like a whole hut bill.

SPEAKER_01 30:02

Literally, she's got soup cans in the basement she just created.

SPEAKER_02 30:07

Plants growing and a bunk clize. I mean, no, we can use that for protein. Crash it up. You know? Oh my god. Water. Oh my god. That's fucking hilarious. Oh my god. Who's more likely to have 12 alarms and still wake up late? Me. You. I don't know why. It's so bad. Have you always been like that? No. No. Like, and then there's days where like I wake up to the first one, but there's a lot of days where I literally hit like fucking snooze 50 million times. Yeah. And then I'm like, fuck. Yeah, I agree. Me. Um, who is more likely to believe a conspiracy theory?

SPEAKER_01 30:53

You. You know, I've never thought about conspiracy theories so much in my life.

SPEAKER_02 30:58

Until me. Until you. I love that though. I love that for me. That's hilarious. I love that for you. She's a wilderness conspiratist. It's like yesterday. Fucking I'm sitting on my patio. And Victoria and my neighbor Nicole are there. And she's like talking about how she just went. And she's got like a little um, they both of them have small dogs. But Victoria has two and Nicole has one. And it's like a shihtzu, but it's a tiny one. She's so little and she's fucking adorable. And she's like, Yeah, I just got back from getting her third round of shots. And I'm like looking at her and I'm like, what were they? She's like, I don't fucking know. I'm like, yep, just just pump your dog with vaccines. Yep. And she's like, well, the babies. I go, thank God, she's not gonna turn into a rabid dog now. And I'm like, Ventoria said laughing. It's like, don't get me started. Do you get vaccinated? Oh, this is a good topic. I do not. I have, obviously, growing up. Right. And my work made me get the COVID chat. The one. Yeah, me too. And they wanted um me to get the booster, and I didn't, and I left there. So I don't even get a flu shot. No. I don't even see a doctor regularly. I don't, I don't either. Um, like knock on what my my kids haven't even had to see the doctor in three years. Like, they just that's how long it's been. I haven't, you know, it I don't know. I again I've done like a lot of deep dive rabbit holes on certain vaccines and like what babies have to get when they're born now.

SPEAKER_01 32:54

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:55

Not that I want any more children, but I'm telling you right fucking now, if I ever hit another kid, I they get so many vaccines within the first moments of their life. It's it's insane. And imagine, you know, so I don't know. Yeah, I mean, I will never put like another vaccine like that in my body. The amount of metals and shit that are in it, it's just what it you know. I don't really like needles. Well, who does? I don't like some people that they just don't care. No, it it fucking sends me. I hate having the and plus my veins are so small and so deep. So if I ever like have to get blood taken, it's like oh I I have to like sweat, like do jumping jacks and drink a ton of water so it pops up more. Yeah. Because they're so hard to get. I thought when I was went at the hospital to give Berkeley, oh they could not get in my arm. Next day my whole arm was bruised. I had to put it in my hand. I had to get mine in my fucking wrist. On the side of my wrist here. Do you know how uncomfortable that yeah, dude, it was it was so gross. Well my was like, I she's like, I hate putting it in your hand because when you hold the baby, like it's really uncomfortable. But we had to, and then when they flushed it, that made me want to fucking that was worse than child work. I swear to God, I know. I with uh with Aubrey, I had to have it in my hand, but with Lila, they put it in my fucking wrist, right on the side where the bone. It was like, oh my god, it it was fucking horrific. I hate getting my blood drawn, and I can't believe I'm like I like I have to watch them though. Now like just don't look. I don't acknowledge I'm like sitting there, like I ask everybody who draws my blood, you like your job. See, I can't look, it fucking freaks me out. Yeah, I can't, I have to, I can't, but I always compliment if I get a really good phlebotomist, I always compliment them because when they're good and they get right in and they pull it, it's like thank you. Yeah, and it's crazy because I freak out having it done on my tattoo arm just because I feel like they can't see it, but they're obviously trained to like feel it.

SPEAKER_01 35:05

Right.

SPEAKER_02 35:05

But they always get it on this arm better with my ink, and it's like yeah, I always have them I always haven't doing the right, which is stupid because it's the hand I write with. Yeah. But um, well, I have to get it done like for my for my LB. She's in the same um building, and it's usually the same lady over time. She's really good, but like when I went to the hospital, like I said, yeah. So many people tried and they just could not get it. And I went yeah, it and then when they're like, I've had them where they're digging around in there and they're turn and it's like, oh my god, and you can like feel it.

SPEAKER_01 35:39

Zachary had to hide in the bathroom when they were trying to put my IV in because he could not handle it. Oh I was just they were just going crazy.

SPEAKER_02 35:47

My god. Who is more likely to befriend a stranger? You you answered that way too. I feel like I'm just awkward. Am I unapproachable? Be honest. I am being honest. I'm never gonna lie to you. Um, I feel you have a look about you that people no, like like they don't know what my gender is. No, like you look like you could be mean. Oh, you know what I mean? Where they're like, I'm not, I'm too scared to approach her. Uh like fear, like that you might be mean. Okay, that's what I thought about you when I first met you too. That's like she couldn't. She either wants to eat me out or she wants to kill me. I can tell I was giving me that I want to fuck you eyes. You're like giving me like a bitch look, like you're giving me the disgust. Yes, score. Oh my god. Me, yeah. I think you too. Fuck. I hardly ever say lol. I feel like I don't say it anymore to you now because I got yelled at it before.

SPEAKER_01 36:57

Let's see if you have.

SPEAKER_02 37:00

No, because I probably have, but I added to it. Talking about one of the drivers the other day. You go, I know lm a l. See? So I did lm a l. That's better. Oh well, probably. Walking in. Who's more likely to sink through a partner's phone?

SPEAKER_01 37:29

Me.

SPEAKER_02 37:30

I agree. I agree. Not saying I've never done it, because I have, but who's more likely to check your phone while actively talking to someone? What do you mean, like in mid-conversation? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:51

Me.

SPEAKER_02 37:52

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I am so. Me. Who's more likely to overshare after one drink?

SPEAKER_01 38:03

We never drank together.

SPEAKER_02 38:05

I know. Probably me. Yeah. I think so. Probably. These are good ones.

SPEAKER_01 38:15

Who's more likely to ignore obvious red flags because the person is attractive?

SPEAKER_02 38:21

Oh. I had one that was who's more likely to fall for a red flag. Um, that's a tough one because if you're basing it on like looks, I feel like it could be you. But if you're basing it on like still finding good in the person, it'd be me.

SPEAKER_01 38:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:43

You know, so I think it could be either one of us with that one.

SPEAKER_01 38:47

I agree, I agree.

SPEAKER_02 38:48

I think that's a good one.

SPEAKER_01 38:49

Who's more likely to read into everything way too deeply?

SPEAKER_02 38:54

Yes. Me. Who's more likely to send a risky text and regret it? Probably. Maybe not risky, but like, ooh, what's gonna be the outcome of this? Oh, so I guess it's like risky in a way. Maybe me. You think so? I think I don't know. You're so like bold? Yeah, yeah, you're bold. I just I feel like I have like a good idea in my head and I'd send it and I'd like show you, and I'd be like, fuck, and you'd be like, Jessica, and I'd be like, Yeah, I'm just suck at this game. I'm not good at this. I don't hold back sometimes. I just say what I think. Yeah, I think. Well, I love that about you though. Yeah, but sometimes I need to be a little more reserved. Yes, sometimes who's more likely to recognize toxic behavior in others but excuse it in themselves? Ooh. You uh you I know you're not toxic at all. I I mean, no, it's okay. Yeah, I kinda dig that. Maybe that's toxic of me to dig that. Oh god. I feel like you're probably pretty good at picking up, like I I really do think you're pretty good at picking up on toxic behavior. And like I actually really respect that about you that you like have a perspective for things. Um, but I think like just how you are so bold sometimes that like you could be like, yeah, but it's whatever, it's me. Yeah. What did I say to somebody? I'm like, I think we talked about this on the podcast. We're all just like come out and say, and then I'm like, yeah, you don't understand that that's how I talk, right? Oh, I think with like new at work, yeah, it's like so wild. Yeah, and then I'm like, oh, they don't know how I am. Yeah, they don't know the person I am. Yeah, I agree. Who's more likely to start an argument just to prove a point? Probably me. I think so too. Who loves starting arguments? Me. She loves the stream. Who winds up crying every time? Me. Oh my god. Who's more likely to joke about their flaws to avoid actually fixing them? Oh my god, you all the way.

SPEAKER_01 41:32

Fucking beard, dude. I just need to make it nice.

SPEAKER_02 41:34

I'm I have I love it, and I'm like, I don't know how should you do it because I just like which flaw do I talk about a lot? Like my beard, your bearding it, or that you think you're fat. Yeah, Jessica just wants to tell me to just get in the fucking gym because I'm a fucking fat ass person. I see what I mean. No, no, oh my god. That's hilarious. Oh was more likely to say back in my day, Jessica?

SPEAKER_01 42:08

Back in my day, what the hell? Jess was already alive.

SPEAKER_02 42:15

Oh, that's funny. Who's more likely to assume silence means something's wrong? That silence means something's wrong? Me. Me. Talk you right off the ledge. And who was right? Sure did.

SPEAKER_01 42:34

Who was right?

SPEAKER_02 42:35

You were. Thank you. You're welcome. Oh my god. Credit to you. Jesus. Credit where credit is due.

SPEAKER_01 42:44

Period, honestly.

SPEAKER_02 42:46

Um, let's see. Who's who's more who's more likely to get kicked out of a wedding?

SPEAKER_01 43:02

Probably me.

SPEAKER_02 43:04

Yeah. Yeah, I feel like it's probably what it is. Who's more likely to adopt a random animal they found outside? Jessica. Can't quite literally did that. I show up with a squirrel. No, I wouldn't be shocked. I know. If you want to catch the one that's eating all my bird feed out there, you can. Oh my god. I would love to cute.

SPEAKER_01 43:40

Who's more likely to judge someone's outfit and then wear something worse the next day? Okay, the ones that we judge, yeah, get worse than that.

SPEAKER_02 43:49

Yeah, I don't I don't think either of us. Because you always dress cute. Really? Yeah. I think you always dress cute. You always dress cute. I think we should both not dress at all and just show up to work naked in our birthday. Yeah. Uh I don't think either of us. I really don't. I don't think so either. I don't think either of us. I don't think we're no. Who is more likely to get lost using QPS? Ooh.

SPEAKER_01 44:18

Are you gonna assume me?

SPEAKER_02 44:20

Yes. Me? Oh yeah. I feel like it would be. Well, ever since I got my license back for my DUI now. I haven't really had to drive anywhere. I don't know where it is. Well, that's a bus. Oh my god. Okay, I got it. I don't have a DUI or otherwise. That was a lie. Record equals clean. Oh my god. Who do you think would be more famous? Uh or who do you think would become Tic Tac famous? I like. I don't know. I think you. Really? Mm-hmm. We shouldn't have our own reality show. I think we should. I think that'd be awesome. I think it would be fucking hilarious. We should do it. Think about all the different elements of our lives and all the fucking crazy shit that we go through.

SPEAKER_01 45:13

I know.

SPEAKER_02 45:14

Just on the regular, day-to-day. It'd be awesome. I think we should like make a like just do like episodes, make run episodes of like um a reality show at work. Oh my god. I think that'd be awesome. If they would let me like record people, like I know. If I had like a little off time to do it. Literally. So cool. I think it would be. They would never let me do that though. That would be cool in my office. You get like zapped in the neck. Literally, my invisible you're invisible for events doesn't let you go far. Bathroom, you have to stay on one path. Literally. If I even step out of line, I have to follow the lines on the ground. Oh my god. Who's more likely to create a fake scenario in their head over a text message? Me. I think. You think so? Do you think you? I think both of us. I think yeah, I think both of us do. I think we're a little delusional from that. I I agree. I think both of us. Yeah. I love making scenarios in my head. I don't. Fuffs with my head. No, but like, do you ever make good scenarios? Yes, I those are good, aren't they? Yeah.

unknown 46:22

I know.

SPEAKER_02 46:22

Those are really good. Who's more likely to convince the other to do something stupid? I think I would be the convincing. I agree. You're always just gonna do stupid shit, and I'm just not either supporting you.

SPEAKER_01 46:39

I think I'm like the uh what do you want to say? Like the bad influence, maybe.

SPEAKER_02 46:44

Don't say that.

SPEAKER_01 46:45

Yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_02 46:46

No, I don't want to put you in that label. The wild influence. Not bad. Who called somebody a wild influence? Me, I called them. I called you that. Who's more likely to laugh so hard they pee a little? Probably you, baby girl. It's happened. Really? You peed yourself? A little. Who's more likely to trip over absolutely nothing?

SPEAKER_01 47:16

I want to say you, but I always want to say me.

SPEAKER_02 47:19

Yeah, I don't know. That could be taken in two ways. Is that like a physical trip? Yeah. Or is that like I'm tripping over this?

SPEAKER_01 47:26

If it was I'm tripping over this, it's both of oh yeah. But I think it was like tripping, yeah, because sometimes my shoe gets stuck.

SPEAKER_02 47:33

Sometimes mine does too.

SPEAKER_01 47:35

Like right at the top. You know what I mean? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:37

Like stepping. Hmm. Well who's more likely to exaggerate a story just to just a little for entertainment value? Oh. Hmm. I feel like you, because you're so funny when you tell a story, that like you'll just say added shit.

SPEAKER_01 48:05

I don't think I necessarily like, oh yeah, added shit. I don't exaggerate it. I just like put my little two cents on there.

SPEAKER_02 48:11

So but like full exaggerating like the truth of it. Uh not like either of us.

SPEAKER_01 48:18

I hope it's a either. Um who's more likely to say I need to stop doing that and do it again the same day.

SPEAKER_02 48:27

Oh, you me. At least I'm self-aware. This is true. Am I gonna fix it? Probably not. Who's more likely to have 47 screenshots for evidence? Me. I've done that though. So both of us, but yeah, you I agree. Who's more likely to know FBI level information about someone after one day?

SPEAKER_01 48:53

You probably me. Who's more likely to say be honest with me and then get mad at the honesty? You I always say be honest. I I don't think I get mad though.

SPEAKER_02 49:11

Yeah, I was just gonna say that's why I was looking at you like that. I don't I don't feel like because like anytime we ever talk about like anything deep, like, and I'm always one of those friends that's like uh honest about like serious shit, you know. I mean honest in general, but serious shit, but you you definitely take it in, you know, like you hear me out, and you're like, okay, you might not do it, but you hear me listening. You're not mad, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:37

I don't are listening, but I'm not hearing kind of thing, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 49:41

Yeah, it goes in one ear and out of the other, but at least it went in.

SPEAKER_01 49:50

Um who's more likely to think they're low maintenance, but is actually high maintenance in disguise? Ooh. Okay, I'm gonna say it's Jessica. Let me tell you why. Because she's like, I'm so chill. She will only drink spring water out of this random ass tap in the middle of nowhere.

SPEAKER_02 50:16

Okay, fair play. Fair play. She has to get it from the local cactus open because her job is okay. Fair play. I am very oh here we go. I'm not materialistic in my defense. You're not, you're not. Like certain things I like, you know, but I'm not materialistic in my defense, but you definitely prove a point there, okay? I will give you that. Thank you. And you're welcome. Oh my god. Who's more likely to be lying when they say I'm almost ready? Damn, me. I own that. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I own that. Oh fuck. Um who's more likely to hide in the bathroom to avoid people? Like we're at work? Yeah. I can't even hide that long. Because I miss one call. Oh yeah, so we're gonna tell everybody. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:26

I think if we were to hide, we'd just go in the car.

SPEAKER_02 51:29

Definitely not the only fucking room, literally.

SPEAKER_01 51:32

Two stalls in it.

SPEAKER_02 51:34

Who's more likely to accidentally tell a customer what they're really thinking? I don't know. I definitely keep my like poker face on, but there's been a few times where I've lost my shit. In a respectful way, but like where I snap back.

SPEAKER_01 51:54

Yeah. Friday made me won't lose it.

SPEAKER_02 51:56

Yeah. I thought it was gonna you let me because I can sing listen to me. That's what she said. Yeah, I had to say like twice because they wouldn't let me get a word in. So every time I try to talk, I'm like, oh, yeah. Like it was very frustrating. Who is more likely to become a crazy cat lady? Is it because I have two cats? Three if you count my cus. The yellow view. It's fucking hot in here. Are you hot? Yeah, look at it. I mean, I'm alright. It looks like I'm ready to fucking go ski Mount Everest. Yeah, seriously. Yeah, it is a little warming. It's always hot in here, I know. That's why I pretty much draw test nakedly today. Probably. Who's more likely to be banned from an all-you-can-eat buffet?

SPEAKER_01 52:47

If you say me, I'm gonna be so offensive.

SPEAKER_02 52:50

Okay, um, you know the last time I went the only buffets I ever go to, Chinese buffets. Yeah, they fucking slap. Yeah, I haven't been to one in probably 10 years, but they fucking slap. I walked for my birthday last year because I was depressed because Leo left to go to Greece on my birthday, so I was so sad.

SPEAKER_01 53:06

Uh-uh. I was like, I just want fucking wingling buffet.

SPEAKER_02 53:10

Oh my god. Wingling buffet. Hey Maddie, yeah. That was the last one I went to, and that was so long ago. Yeah. Who's more who's more likely to get kidnapped and annoy the kidnapper enough to be returned? Both of us. I agree. Just would be like, so how what was your child's help or like wow, you got snacks? The fuck. Oh my god, literally. It's fucking hilarious. Who's more likely to act unbothered but think about it for the next three days? Oh, again, depends on the situation, but it'd be me. I I like I know for a fact that's me.

SPEAKER_01 53:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:51

Depending on the situation, but there's definitely times that that's happened where it's like it's in my brain for like three days. Yeah. And I'm like, oh my god. Also, let me tell you what I'm pissed about. I'm pissed about the inconsistency with vapes because the last vape I had was dropping like flies, dude, right? The juice. Yeah. This one I've been I opened it Friday, it's still at 90%. Bro, I smoke too much. This isn't that good. Well, it's like depending on the one I get, because like every other time, I'll have one that dies fast, and then the other times I'll have one that go kind of slower. I know, and I hate that. I bought two for vacation, and one of them's already kicked, and this one is at 15. Really? Yeah. I'll be just the one in your bag or no. No, okay, yeah, I know. I know when I leave, I'm gonna have to get like three because the last time we went, mine was like dying, and I was like tweaking, and they had them there at like the little supermarkets, but they weren't. I'm not shooting you. Yeah, or whatever you say in their mad type. It's so cute though, but they're tiny. Is it like the same kind? Yeah, they were like Lost Mary's, but they were like this literally this big, like you know those fucking mini brands that's a mini brand vape. It was so small, it was awesome. I I kept it, I just don't know where it was. Yeah, it's just so cute. Oh my god! My earrings out of them. Imagine I pop a cop door and I'm like, oh, I need to hit pull it off my ear, hit it, put it back in. That'd be so cute. Magnetized. Oh my god. Um do you have any more, baby? I think that's it. I think that's it too. This was a fun one. This was fun. I like it. Okay, wow. Thank you everybody for tuning back in with us. So sorry for the delay. Yeah. I didn't like that. Maybe there was weird. I don't know, but I felt incomplete. I did too. Kill myself. No remember like that again. We're the oh just a reminder this podcast is for entertainment purposes only. We are not licensed therapists, dating coaches, or role models. We're just I'm gonna fucking freak the fuck out. We're just two co-workers, microphones and opinions.