Episode 16: Social Police- This SHOULD be Illegal

In this episode, we’re calling out all the everyday things, behaviors, and situations that make us stop and say, “Yeah… this should be illegal.” From petty annoyances that ruin your whole day to socially unacceptable habits people somehow get away with, nothing is safe.

We’re talking workplace crimes (but not actual crimes), public behavior that should come with consequences, and those universally hated moments that instantly make you question humanity. It’s unfiltered, dramatic, a little petty, and extremely relatable in the best way.

If you’ve ever silently judged someone in public and thought “there should be a law against that,” this episode is your safe space.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:01

Hello everybody and welcome to another episode of Workwives. This is Ashi.

SPEAKER_03 0:05

This is Jess. Okay, so today we're doing an episode on things that should be illegal but aren't.

SPEAKER_02 0:17

Okay, I'll start out. I think the first thing that should be illegal is when you do your hair in the morning, it looks really good, but by the time you get to work, it's terrible.

SPEAKER_03 0:26

Oh, that's the fun thing. That should be illegal.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

What would be the punishment for that? Shaving your hair off. It's not like you can help it. I feel like it's just like a work.

SPEAKER_04 0:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

You know what I mean? I hate it. What the f is going on with my hair?

SPEAKER_03 0:46

You look beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 0:47

You look like an emo.

SPEAKER_03 0:51

Okay. Um can you see my nipples? I wish. Okay. Um, driving 10 miles under the speed limit in the left lane.

SPEAKER_02 1:11

I did that the other day. Yeah, sometimes I don't realize. And then Ted passed me in the right-hand lane. That's so weird. But okay, on my way home, I do not like to have to like move over lanes. So I stay in the same lane I know I'm gonna need every single time. You know what I mean? I didn't mean to do it. It just so happened to be that way.

SPEAKER_03 1:33

If you're in the left lane.

SPEAKER_02 1:37

Well, this one over here goes about 100 miles an hour everywhere and doesn't break till her the top of her cart is touching the person's back.

SPEAKER_03 1:46

Oh my god. I don't listen to her. If you're in the fast lane, you can't you can't do that.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:58

Guys wearing biker shorts. I said that in the the X video, but it should be illegal, I swear to God. It's like looking at me. You know what I mean when they're wearing those?

SPEAKER_03 2:08

Yeah, I quite honestly don't understand how some men are comfortable wearing those. I don't know. I feel like it's very weird. I agree with you on that one.

SPEAKER_02 2:16

And their balls probably smell like fucking hell after they wear this. Do you imagine? No. Go take a sniff.

SPEAKER_04 2:27

Maybe your ring version. Oh my fucking god. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:32

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 2:33

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 2:36

Oh, she sent me pictures.

SPEAKER_03 2:38

Oh my god. Help me. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:43

No, it's okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:44

Anyway. Now we're locked in. I agree. I think it's very cringe when guys wear. You know what some guys though they wear those like um they're like biker short material and they wear them under gin short gym shorts at the job. Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:00

That's successful.

SPEAKER_03 3:00

Yes, but I don't know. There's something flowing in front of it, but yeah. Um, let's see.

SPEAKER_02 3:11

Oh, I have another one. People that ask you like super personal like information about yourself, and then when you ask it back, they refuse to answer.

SPEAKER_03 3:19

Has that happened to you?

SPEAKER_02 3:20

Um, my cousin does it to me all the time. He'll ask me a question, I'll be like, Oh, yeah, yeah, whatever. Have you done this? And he refuses, he's like, I'm not telling you. I'm like, so why the fuck did I have to tell you all that?

SPEAKER_03 3:30

That would sign me like that. Or someone who's like, This actually happened in real life recently. Someone who's like, I have to tell you something, and you're like, Okay, what? And they're like, but you're gonna be mad, and then you're like, No, just tell me, and then they won't tell you because I think you're gonna be too mad, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:51

Oh my god, I hate that. Or when people are like, never mind, that should be yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:55

I gotta tell you something. Never mind, I'll tell you later.

SPEAKER_02 3:57

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:58

Immediately, immediate jail time, immediate death sentence.

SPEAKER_02 4:04

You're going to death row by sentence you to death.

SPEAKER_03 4:07

No, that would send me me too. Okay. Um, I do this, so I don't exactly agree with that. But let's see what you think about it. Sampling, you know, sampling fruit at the grocery store before you like buy it.

SPEAKER_02 4:28

Oh, that's like a grape. Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. Okay. I let Leo steal an apple last night. I was gonna talk about this shit. Agreed. People that don't delete their emails and have like thousands of emails. Jessica. Really?

SPEAKER_03 4:48

You're watching 500 tabs open on your phone.

SPEAKER_02 4:51

Yeah, but like emails just get me.

SPEAKER_03 4:54

You really delete all your emails that you don't need. I have over 5,000 emails.

SPEAKER_02 5:01

You better get to deleting.

SPEAKER_03 5:03

It might even be more than that, actually.

SPEAKER_02 5:05

That's too many. That would give me anxiety.

SPEAKER_03 5:08

Oh my god. Okay. Um, taking up two parking spots. The shit fucking sends me. Especially if it's like, oh, it just irks the ever-living shit out of me when you take up two parking spots. Don't do that. Unless you're like parked all the way at the back of the store or something. Don't take up two parking spots.

SPEAKER_02 5:30

And it's always these big ass trucks.

SPEAKER_03 5:32

I know.

SPEAKER_02 5:33

Some rusty. I'm like, I know. If somebody hits you, your shit's gonna fall. You're doing too much. I just had a really good one off the top of my head. Now I can't think of it. Oh, when you're like texting somebody like a friend, or like somebody you're interested in, and you post like a story, or you see that they're active on Facebook, but they haven't responded to you yet.

SPEAKER_03 5:52

They haven't responded to your text, but you see that they're on social media.

SPEAKER_02 5:56

And then they're like liking your story if you post it or something.

SPEAKER_03 6:00

Yeah, that would send me.

SPEAKER_02 6:01

That would send me.

SPEAKER_03 6:02

I don't like that face. That yeah. I feel like that falls into like red flag territory.

SPEAKER_02 6:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:10

I don't know. I I don't like that. If you're gonna be on, just fucking respond. Exactly. Um putting when people go to the grocery store and they like pull meat out or like frozen item and they don't want it anymore, and they just leave it wherever.

SPEAKER_02 6:31

Oh yeah. I cannot fucking have to sense it, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:35

They have to throw it away. I I cannot stand that.

SPEAKER_02 6:37

Same with not putting your carts away. Like that was another one on my list. I hate that. Me too. Illegal. 100%. Or we used to have this when I worked at the grocery store, this lady that would come in and return things that like expired a year ago. And like the packaging has been totally different since then, because you know how they like it.

SPEAKER_03 6:58

Wait, they're allowed to do that.

SPEAKER_02 6:59

So we did it for a couple times, and then one of the managers was like, We're not doing this for her anymore. She's just like trying to my vacuum.

SPEAKER_03 7:07

She's awesome. Why even buy it and spend the money to begin with? She's annoying.

SPEAKER_02 7:11

She'd be like, honey, honey. Like this question is not.

SPEAKER_03 7:15

I was like, bruh.

SPEAKER_02 7:18

Honey.

SPEAKER_03 7:20

Sending K as a text reply.

SPEAKER_02 7:22

Sending any fucking acronym as a text reply. Don't do that. Don't do that. Legal. I yeah, shit. Asking somebody a question and then like say you're on Snapchat, they just send your face their face back, and like doesn't even like ask. They read the question, so they're kind of just like tapping through your your fucking Snapchat. That's so annoying.

SPEAKER_03 7:52

Recording strangers without asking.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

Yeah, I don't like that.

SPEAKER_03 7:55

I don't either. Or like the especially children. Yeah. But like recording strangers.

SPEAKER_02 8:02

Like, do you know how many people on TikTok record like the homeless people around you?

SPEAKER_03 8:07

I know.

SPEAKER_02 8:08

And then people are like, oh yeah, I know him. He's always dancing. And I'm like, don't record him.

SPEAKER_03 8:12

Like, yeah, I don't like that makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 8:14

Because like, say like he got better, and then he's like on TikTok one day and he sees a video of himself, but that's so embarrassing. Yeah, that would be like I know right now he doesn't care, and it's probably because he's not extremely sober, but like I don't know, or like when people like do something nice for the homeless people and then they have to record it.

SPEAKER_03 8:33

I know I know. Well, that's the you know, that's the world we live in now.

SPEAKER_02 8:38

I think why don't you just have to do it?

SPEAKER_03 8:40

I agree, and then not or like people who post videos of them, like I don't know. I watched one the other day and I was like, why? Why are you recording that? It was like something to do, I don't know, maybe it was an animal or something, you know, but it was like in serious like danger need something, and they like turned their phone on.

SPEAKER_02 9:01

I don't know to record to record it. There was one I I was just watching it actually, and there was a cat like in the water because he had maned so bad that the water was like helping like the stuff. They're like recording like go get that fucking I know, I know it makes me sad. And they took him, but he was so bad that he ended up dying. Sorry, or there's somebody on Facebook, she loves to fuck with me, and like once a week he'll post. Went to yada yada yada for breakfast, and somebody was like two dollars short, so I just paid for their whole thing, pay it forward. He does that every week. I'm like rough. The same guy, the same guy, and it's like almost the same place. I'm like, are you just copying and pasting your fucking post from every week? Oh my god, fucking mother Teresa over here. Yeah, I've done that before. Like paid for somebody, yeah, but I didn't record it, or like post about it. Like somebody was short a penny, and I found one in my pocket forward, like, get the fuck out of here.

SPEAKER_04 10:01

Um let's see here.

SPEAKER_03 10:06

Um this one is a big one for me. Double dipping at a party. Man, get out of here and no, like if you're at a party and you're and there's mad people there, and you're like putting your grubby ass fucking fingers in it, and you're just like, you know, putting it in some dip, and you bite it, and then you go back in.

SPEAKER_02 10:27

Uh ew. I think if I'm just with my family, that's fine.

SPEAKER_03 10:31

Yeah, that's fine. But if you're like at a big ass party with a bunch of people, what if that motherfucker picked his butt and then did that?

SPEAKER_02 10:40

That'd be awesome.

SPEAKER_03 10:42

You could do like a single berry on it.

SPEAKER_04 10:46

Oh my god. Ew. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 10:54

People who don't say thank you to service workers. I was gonna say public service workers, but yeah. Service workers, I don't like that. That's legal.

SPEAKER_03 11:03

Um, also, people when you hold the door for them and they walk through and they literally don't even acknowledge you.

SPEAKER_02 11:11

Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_03 11:12

I fucking let it close like two seconds.

SPEAKER_02 11:16

Oh that's me the other day. You know how ugly I feel when someone does that to me? I'm like, fuck, dude, I'm so ugly.

SPEAKER_04 11:24

You're like Jesus. I'm just like the worst person on the planet.

SPEAKER_03 11:29

No, I hate that. Um not replacing the toilet paper roll after finishing it. Yeah, that's like leave extra toilet paper in their bathroom.

SPEAKER_02 11:42

And they still just don't replace it. Yeah. Yep. When I was their age, I didn't replace it either. Okay. That was like four years ago.

SPEAKER_03 11:54

Yeah, literally it was.

SPEAKER_02 11:58

Oh my god, I just had a really good one in my head again. Oh my god, fucking well, pick me girls as a whole, but more specifically, pick me girls that are me too in front of other men.

SPEAKER_03 12:08

Yeah, we talked about this.

SPEAKER_02 12:10

Yeah, that's illegal. I federal offense, honestly.

SPEAKER_03 12:14

Yeah, you're going Alcatraz, buddy. I've I know someone who's like that. We won't mention any names, but the same person I'm thinking of.

SPEAKER_02 12:25

We'll insert a picture of her right here. I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_04 12:29

Of course. Yeah, it's the same person.

SPEAKER_03 12:33

And our brains are synced, so I already know the fucking telepathy that we have. It is. Um, okay.

SPEAKER_02 12:41

People, this should be illegal. People that say that they're jokesters all the time and then they don't even crack on their months. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:48

Also know who you're trying.

SPEAKER_02 12:51

Joksters, okay. I'm waiting for one joke. Oh.

SPEAKER_03 12:56

Um putting like juice or something back in the fridge, and it's got like literally a sip left.

SPEAKER_02 13:07

Yeah, that's annoying as fuck.

SPEAKER_03 13:10

Yeah, I can't stand that shit. Or like because then you're so excited to have a fucking glass. Yeah, I was just gonna say, or like if you have like leftovers or something and you like really want them and someone else ate them.

SPEAKER_02 13:22

Or you know, you have a really good snack in the cabinet of your cakes and um someone eats them.

SPEAKER_03 13:27

Oh my god. I have to hide like any sort of like snack that like I'm obsessed with. I have to hide because the kids will eat it. Yeah, and if I don't, it's crazy, dude.

SPEAKER_02 13:41

I love how they just hit our babes on camera. I don't give a fuck. Hopefully, Moss Margaret will sponsor us so we don't have to buy them anymore. Holy fuck. They're gonna kill my pockets.

SPEAKER_03 13:55

Um, let's see. I think this was an ick, but microwaving fish in the office. I think I think we brought this up, but like that that should be don't microwave fish. Don't microwave fish around me. Tuna, Jason, stay out.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

Um the falcing. It's so disgusting. Any seafood, don't cook in the fucking communal microwave.

SPEAKER_03 14:24

Oh, and then the whole microwave smells like it too.

SPEAKER_02 14:26

And then if you like microwave food, I've never microwave food there.

SPEAKER_03 14:29

I don't even own a microwave. Is this like some of your yes? It kills like 87% of the nutrients in the food.

SPEAKER_02 14:39

Oh my god, but it at least is warm.

SPEAKER_03 14:42

No, I heat it up in the oven or on the stove.

SPEAKER_02 14:45

Okay, so what about um here?

SPEAKER_03 14:49

Think of something leftovers.

SPEAKER_02 14:51

Oh, you just put in the oven.

SPEAKER_03 14:52

Yeah, or I cook it in a pan on the stove.

SPEAKER_02 14:55

Hot chocolate.

SPEAKER_03 14:56

You make on the stove.

SPEAKER_02 14:57

Yeah, figure. Um chef boyardi raviolis. Oh my gosh, it's boss. I haven't had one in so long. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:09

They're so good for you.

SPEAKER_02 15:11

I know.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

That's why I want them. I'm crazy food trans. Like a fat can of spaghettios. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 15:18

Oh my god. I haven't had spaghettios in probably 25 years. They're so good.

SPEAKER_02 15:25

Oh, that's your age, baby. That is my age. Only for a couple more weeks.

SPEAKER_03 15:29

I know. This is gonna be exciting.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

We're gonna do a birthday episode and it's gonna be crazy.

SPEAKER_03 15:35

Oh my god. That'll be fun.

SPEAKER_02 15:38

I was just kidding, I didn't think of one, but I was gonna make it inappropriate. Are you gonna think of anything on the fly for once? Are you feeling okay? Why do I sound weird? No, because you could think of something unverted on the fly.

SPEAKER_03 15:53

Okay, your turn.

SPEAKER_02 15:56

Um, when people ask, where's my hug? Um, like, where's my hug? You really unless you're actively talking to them. I think it's fucking weird. Why? What if it's someone like a random person or like somebody you that you say you work with, but you don't like actively talk as though you were interested in each other. And they're like, Where's my hug? Even that sentence, where's my hug?

SPEAKER_03 16:33

Uh okay, I mean, where's my hug is a little but like I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 16:44

Yeah, of course you would say that.

SPEAKER_04 16:47

What is that supposed to mean? You're a toucher baby. I am okay. Listen, hold on. We need to clear the air here. I don't just walk around touching people and asking where's my people.

SPEAKER_02 16:58

I think out of both of us, you touch more.

SPEAKER_04 17:02

100%.

SPEAKER_02 17:03

I walk in and I'm like the only person. But that's a good thing, I think.

SPEAKER_04 17:07

Yeah. I think I've I walk in and I'll play with your hair.

SPEAKER_02 17:11

I'll accidentally rub your boob. Accidentally she grabbed my boob for your hair. Sexual harassment, just getting out of it. Um my god.

SPEAKER_03 17:24

Okay. Um happy Monday.

SPEAKER_02 17:32

Uh, you scared the fuck out of me. I'm like, it is Sunday, ma'am. Who the fuck says that? Look at me with your eyes so that I can get the telepathy. There's one I want to say in here so bad that I can't say it because it's way too fucking obvious.

SPEAKER_04 17:48

Really?

SPEAKER_02 17:49

Yeah. Oh, I have one, somebody that rains on other people's parades. Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_03 17:58

I agree. I agree. I cannot stand that shit. Or when you share, like, and I mean, okay, so like I don't mean like when you're talking about something and they're like, oh, like I've experienced that too, or whatever. Like, that's okay. But like when you have like really good news, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_02 18:19

I did that like five years ago.

SPEAKER_03 18:20

Yeah, yeah. Like, oh yeah, well, I did this, like this, you know, and it's like it gives me pick me vibes, yeah, and like um not being able to ever celebrate anyone but yourself.

SPEAKER_02 18:34

It's giving me they're narcissistic as fuck. Oh, and don't care about anybody else's accomplishments. Another one, bridezilla's. I haven't never dealt with an actual bridezilla, but I I'm watching from afar and it's yeah, it seems like hell.

SPEAKER_03 18:47

So I I agree with that one. I agree with that one.

SPEAKER_02 18:51

Um let's see here. People that say they're coming back to you, and they never do until you have to shut their office door. Silence. Crickets, silence, crickets, just crickets.

SPEAKER_04 19:12

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 19:14

Uh well, yeah, I don't have that wiggle. People that you work with that you're like, you know, best friends, and like they barely come to see you all day, and then they're just on the phone the whole time.

SPEAKER_01 19:32

How dare you myself? I'm kidding. That was wild as hell. I'm joking.

SPEAKER_04 19:42

Um let's see here.

SPEAKER_03 19:45

Clapping when the plane lands. I knew it. I know. It's so cringe. Ew, it's so cringe.

SPEAKER_02 19:53

Stop. It's exciting as fuck.

SPEAKER_01 19:56

I just see you like just fucking standing up, standing obviously. Everyone bows down. We sing Kumbaya after.

SPEAKER_03 20:07

Oh my fucking god. Oh, that's hilarious.

SPEAKER_02 20:11

Um non-matching outfits, illegal.

SPEAKER_03 20:14

What do you mean non-matching outfits? Look at me.

SPEAKER_02 20:17

Look at my eyes.

SPEAKER_00 20:19

Oh we might not be able to put that in there.

SPEAKER_03 20:31

I I agree with that one. That's legal.

SPEAKER_02 20:35

Unless it's like, you know, like those people in the city, they wear like fun outfits.

SPEAKER_03 20:40

Even though some of them are cringe. I know.

SPEAKER_02 20:42

But like ones that aren't like done up and you still don't match, like that's an issue.

unknown 20:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:49

You have like a you're like a psychopath, I think, if you can do that.

SPEAKER_03 20:53

Yeah, I agree. It's kind of I don't know. Maybe they get dressed in the dark. Let's hope that's a reason. Um talking through an entire movie. Oh, yeah, that's your title. Especially when it's like one you've never seen before, and they're like, what happens? What's going on here?

SPEAKER_02 21:14

And like or they start telling you some fucking shot. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:18

It's like, let me pause this and rewind.

SPEAKER_02 21:21

People that reply back with question marks after they sent a text already and they waited like 10 seconds. But you didn't answer fast enough. Oh, you didn't answer fast enough. So they send you the fucking question mark questions. Yeah, I hate when people do that.

SPEAKER_03 21:36

Me too. I really don't like that. Um let's see here.

SPEAKER_02 21:45

When people fight on Facebook, that should be illegal. It's entertaining as hell, but yeah, but it's really cringy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:52

It's really cringy.

SPEAKER_02 21:53

I agree.

SPEAKER_03 21:54

I don't like that. Um, cutting in line. Like if you're standing in line. And someone just like walks right up and like cuts you.

SPEAKER_02 22:05

They cut you?

SPEAKER_03 22:06

Yeah, that's actually illegal.

SPEAKER_02 22:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:08

No, but like, so you're like off to the side a little bit, but like you're visibly right there and they cut you in line.

SPEAKER_02 22:14

Yeah, that's fucking irritating. Then they don't even like think they don't say anything. They don't want to call you online.

SPEAKER_03 22:20

That would sudden me.

SPEAKER_02 22:21

People that say that they hate drama, but they seem to be always in it. Maybe not themselves, but they know everything that's going on with the drama. I hate I will never say that I hate drama.

SPEAKER_03 22:33

I look for that shit. I hate when people say that though. I hate I hate drama. I just don't do drama.

SPEAKER_02 22:41

I don't want trauma in my life. I'm adult. Well, I love drama, so give it to me.

SPEAKER_03 22:45

Okay, period. But I agree with you on that one. Um leaving clothes inside out, like whether it's like when you're doing laundry or like at a dressing room.

SPEAKER_02 22:57

Oh yeah. You know what I mean? People that leave the clothes in the dressing room.

SPEAKER_03 23:00

In the dressing room, I know.

SPEAKER_02 23:02

So disrespectful. I don't like that. It irks me. Or like when you're doing laundry and socks are all bunched up. Happens to me all the time. I know. And sometimes they forget to like stretch them out, like unbunch them, so then they're just sobbing wet after you take them out of the yeah, for real.

SPEAKER_03 23:19

Like the ankle part is like still wet.

SPEAKER_02 23:21

Well, yeah. Well, you didn't want to fucking unravel them, so now you get to have fucking wet feet. Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 23:30

Trench foot.

SPEAKER_02 23:32

Trench foot?

SPEAKER_03 23:36

What about regifting Christmas presents?

SPEAKER_02 23:39

If the other person that gave you the gift doesn't know, I don't think it's a bad thing. But if you re-gift it the person that gave you that, that's wild as fuck. Yeah. That's humbling.

SPEAKER_03 23:48

Oh, yeah. If it's like unopen and unused and something you don't need, want, use, whatever.

SPEAKER_02 23:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:56

Regifting it.

SPEAKER_02 23:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:58

Do you tell the person you're regifting it?

SPEAKER_02 24:00

No, I don't think I've ever had to do that.

SPEAKER_03 24:02

Yeah. Okay. Gym edits. I was gonna say one of those.

SPEAKER_02 24:14

Or constant gym photos.

SPEAKER_03 24:16

Or videos.

SPEAKER_02 24:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:18

Um, yeah. Like I'm all for like on TikTok. You know?

SPEAKER_02 24:25

Facebook?

SPEAKER_03 24:26

No fucking way, but yeah. But like when you post like your entire every day at the gym and you do like a selfie every day.

SPEAKER_02 24:37

Yup.

SPEAKER_03 24:40

You do? Yeah. Really? I mean like progress photos are okay. If there's progress, yeah. There's still out of fat turn. Or like, you know, if you're yeah, like if you have gains or like you're losing weight or whatever and you're excited and you want to post it, like I'm cool with that.

SPEAKER_02 25:03

Just make sure that you can tell the difference. No, because why do I want to see some fake ass bullshit?

SPEAKER_03 25:14

Are they like a muscular person or no?

SPEAKER_02 25:19

Just there's no progress.

SPEAKER_03 25:21

Okay, you said it.

SPEAKER_02 25:25

Um Bible verses in your bio. Assume that. Illegal. I'm gonna get a Bible verse tattooed on me. I feel it. I feel like I want to. I think you need to. I think that'd be awesome. It's so ironic. I think you need one. Fine. Oh my god, people that post the worst tattoos ever and they're like, I love my new ink. Can't wait to get it. Oh god, it looks so fucking horrible.

SPEAKER_03 25:53

Yeah, that's that's humbling, that's embarrassing. Yeah, I don't like that. Um opening products before you buy them. Like you're in the store and you like open it, like a brand new lip gloss or like something, and you're like opening it and you're like putting it on your hand. They usually have testers, but like it's not a test, and then you just like, oh, I don't like this color, I'm gonna put it back. It's so grimy as well. It's fucking gross.

SPEAKER_02 26:23

People that think that everybody loves them and is in love with them and lusts after them.

SPEAKER_03 26:31

Agreed. Agreed, agreed, uh yeah. God, a lot of these hit close to home for us, and um we know people like this everything up. Oh my god. Um sending a hey message after you ghost someone.

SPEAKER_02 27:02

Like who's sending it?

SPEAKER_03 27:03

Like, say you're talking to somebody and they ghost you, and then like a few months later they're like, Hey. And then you have to explain yourself. How are you? And you're like, you ghosted me.

SPEAKER_02 27:17

Oh, like you're the one getting ghost.

SPEAKER_03 27:19

Yeah, and then they reach out. I'd be like, ew, that's how your hair actually looks really cute like that.

SPEAKER_02 27:29

You can't lie. No shit. No, I I fucking look at my part, it's so white, you can see it. Anyway, halfway. Um people that like brag about being crazy.

SPEAKER_03 27:46

Oh god, where the yeah, where they like think it's cute, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:51

You know, like if you're that crazy, institutionalize yourself, please.

SPEAKER_03 27:56

Yeah, I think everyone has a little bit of crazy in them, but when you're just like, I'm so toxic, but it's okay.

SPEAKER_02 28:04

Yeah, when they like actively say it like that, yeah, I'm super toxic.

SPEAKER_03 28:09

Vietnam. Um keeping dating apps just to look, if you're like actively talking to someone.

SPEAKER_02 28:19

Oh, you went like that, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's like, yeah, and just looking for what you like somebody and you show somebody else and then like pick at them without knowing them, and they're like, ugh, I don't like that, yeah. Me either. And after I get to know them, then I can pick on them.

SPEAKER_03 28:47

Yeah, I don't like that. If somebody's like, oh yeah, like this is someone new I'm talking to, and you're like really like you really like them and everything about them, and then you like show a photo and they're like, Ugh. Yeah, don't do that, that's legal. Keep your opinion to yourself. Um leaving cabinet doors open or the fridge open.

SPEAKER_02 29:12

Illegal.

SPEAKER_03 29:13

A hundred percent.

SPEAKER_02 29:14

I sometimes I do that, like when I'm putting dishes away, and then I'll be like washing new dishes, and then I'll be like, oh fuck, I never closed that, so I'll have to like shut it up.

SPEAKER_03 29:22

Okay, that's different. That's different because it's you. I mean, I'll like if I'm cleaning out the fridge or like actively putting stuff away, like I'm not gonna shut it just to like turn around and open it again. Right. Or like if I am putting dishes away, I'll keep it open, wash uh, you know, put the rest of the stuff away, but like you just like leave it open and walk away.

SPEAKER_02 29:40

Yeah, don't don't do that. Hope you're listening. Um, what's another one? Oh, kind of like the same thing, but leaving your clothes in the washer and forgetting about them. I do that sometimes. Yeah, fucking rewash them.

SPEAKER_03 29:58

Um, I don't because I live in an apartment, but there has been a couple times where it's been like, fuck, I gotta go get it. But like someone did that to me the other night.

SPEAKER_02 30:07

Did they take out your clothes out?

SPEAKER_03 30:09

No, so it was their clothes. And they took forever to take them out. So I even went back home, like to my apartment, waited a few more minutes and went back down there because I don't know. I'm here's another one that's kind of linked into that. My neighbor, if someone's like laundry is in the dryer and it's sitting there and she has to do laundry and put it in the dryer, she'll take their stuff out and move it. I don't do that, I feel like that's very disrespectful as fucking. Yeah, and like I had the dryer door open and I had like these little boy underwear in my hand for a minute, and I was like, I can't. It just I was like, I can't do it. So I I put it back and fucking shut the door and walked away. Um little tiny piece of paper, toilet paper on the wall.

SPEAKER_02 31:09

Uh let's see. What's like let's see, let's see, let's see. Um, oh my god, this happens a lot. Like when I'm driving home from work and somebody's outside in their car, and then somebody pulls up and they like must know them, so they take up the whole road in two cars. So you literally have to like to get by them. Yeah, that's same with people walking in the road.

SPEAKER_03 31:34

Oh, that's a good one.

SPEAKER_02 31:35

That's irritating.

SPEAKER_03 31:36

Yeah, that's a really good one. I'll run your ass over, brother. Um saying we should get together with no intention of doing it, or doing it and then they cancel on you four seconds before you leave. Yeah, that sucks.

SPEAKER_02 31:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:54

But just being like, oh, we should get together, and like you have no intention plans of ever doing it.

SPEAKER_02 32:02

When you're in a job interview and they talk so highly of the place, and they promise you all these things, and then they don't even give it to you.

SPEAKER_03 32:10

Yeah, that's illegal.

SPEAKER_02 32:12

Yeah, I feel like that actually should be illegal.

SPEAKER_03 32:15

Yeah, well, yeah, when they actually like promise you certain things and then you don't get it. Yeah, that's fucked up. Um people who stop in the middle of a busy walkway to check their phone. Illegal, yeah. I don't like that either. People that like to fist fight, illegal, illegal, right? Yeah, I know one of those.

SPEAKER_02 32:46

That was a good one. You know what's legal now? You know how on Facebook when you go to say happy birthday to somebody and they already have like ones that they created, like happy birthday, comma, like for instance, ashi. Oh, like the pre-written comments, yeah. People do those like you, yeah. Some of the pre-written ones, like the heartfelt one. Yeah, like actually, you are my favorite person in the world. I love you so much. You like me today, somebody I don't even know.

SPEAKER_03 33:12

I know, right? I get I a lot of people do that, like the pre-written ones.

SPEAKER_02 33:17

I don't like those, unless, like, I like you're older and I don't really know you. Okay, that's fine. But if I know you don't tell me something, yeah, like personally.

SPEAKER_03 33:27

Um not picking up your dog shit.

SPEAKER_02 33:30

Oh, I don't like that. Me neither, because you never know, and then if you step in it, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:36

My dog shits in a bush a lot, so I won't like dig through the bush.

SPEAKER_02 33:41

It's fertilizer, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:42

But like if he poops, like you know, on the lawn, I fucking pick it up. Right. I can't stand you should see the mounds of dog shit, and they and your place they literally have yes holes with the guns on yeah, and the garbage cans everywhere. How fucking lazy can you be? Um sending like multiple texts where it's like one word, and then like you do another one, one word, and then like another one that's like three words.

SPEAKER_02 34:18

I feel like that's only acceptable if you're like reacting to something. Like if you were to send me something like crazy, I would be like, oh, send my yeah, God. Right. Because it I enhances it.

SPEAKER_03 34:29

Yeah, it does.

SPEAKER_02 34:31

Somebody that's constantly negative about everything, or they think everything's an inconvenience.

SPEAKER_03 34:38

I fucking cannot stand that illegal. I I cannot stand when people are negative about everything.

SPEAKER_02 34:44

Yeah, me neither.

SPEAKER_03 34:45

Because I'm not for the most part, like you can't they just go through life and it like it could be 95 degrees out Sunday, and they'd be like, it's gonna rain next Tuesday, or it's gonna be like it's too fucking hot, but as soon as it's 94, it's too cold. Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_02 35:01

Oh my god, people that are the following racist, um closed-minded, ignorant. What's another one? Give me another one.

SPEAKER_03 35:14

Um racist, close-minded.

SPEAKER_02 35:17

That's what I want to say, but I know it's gonna spark some what supports ice, illegal, bye. You are really I don't care, fuck that. No, I listen. Why can't we just all live in the world together and just be fucking peaceful? I wish we could, but they I feel like we can, but you have these fucking ignant people. Yeah, it's really bad. Those fucking bigots.

SPEAKER_03 35:42

It's really bad.

SPEAKER_02 35:45

Uh yeah, I mean I should be president of the United States.

SPEAKER_03 35:48

I would love that if you were.

SPEAKER_02 35:50

I think I have to be like what 35, 37, 45, something like that.

SPEAKER_03 35:54

Okay, well, you have you have a few years to talk about.

SPEAKER_02 35:58

I'll start preparing embracing money now for my campaign. Could you imagine I was the first woman president? I wouldn't know what the fuck I was doing, but I would try to do it gooder.

SPEAKER_03 36:07

Gooder. What about like when you walk into like somewhere that's literally has like two minutes to close?

SPEAKER_02 36:14

Oh my god, I had to do that one time.

SPEAKER_03 36:16

I did too, and let me tell you what, I walked in and I was like, I am so sorry to be this person. Like, I know exactly what I need, I'll be you know, and they were really cool about it, but I try not to do that, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:28

That sucks. Or when I used to work on like Thanksgiving, I would work like a half day at the grocery store, and they'd be like, people would call, and then I got so fed up. I'm like, yeah, we we're open, we close it this time because I would just call. I'm like, just fucking yeah, even though the store hours were like online for the holidays. Um fuck, I just had one, and also fucking America is so what is it called? I said it before. I said the C communist. Well um, I don't say consumerist, like okay, they're all about making money oh capitalist. Capitalists, yeah, yeah. There you go. So of course we're gonna be open on every fucking holiday except for Christmas.

SPEAKER_03 37:20

Yeah, I know. Um fuck, I had a good one. What was that? We're talking about closing in a few minutes and like walking in.

SPEAKER_02 37:34

Bitch. How about people at work that call me at 7:58 and they know well I'm good, I don't get there till eight on the dock.

SPEAKER_03 37:43

Or people that fucking call over the weekend and harass you when you're not working.

unknown 37:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:50

Or you do somebody like a good deed and you give them your cell phone number. And they blow your phone up, and they blow your fucking phone up and then yell at you and you don't answer. Bro, my phone stipend is ten dollars a month. Like, yeah, for real.

SPEAKER_03 38:06

They do not pay me enough for this shit. You actually max that out already. You owe me ten dollars. Um, posting cryptic cryptic Facebook relationship statuses. What the fuck does cryptic mean? Like where it'll say something one minute and it's like super confusing, and then they post something another minute, and it's like just all over the place, and it's like a hidden message. Yeah, it's like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_02 38:34

I feel like that would just stress my brain out, and I would just have to like give up on finding the tea. Or when somebody posts, like, I got a new job, and then does not say where where it is, like I'm nosy as fuck, I need to know this.

SPEAKER_03 38:46

Or like when people post things like on TikTok or Instagram, and it's like a real and it's like really sad or whatever, and there's no context to like what happened.

SPEAKER_02 38:56

I know, and then you ask them and they never respond.

SPEAKER_03 38:58

And they don't answer, yeah. It's like, ew no, PM me. I'm not doing that.

SPEAKER_02 39:05

Um, or people that post like say they have to go to the hospital and then they post like their whole entire medical chart in words on their post.

SPEAKER_03 39:15

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:17

I'm like, just I feel like you're like violating a hypothetically that's just your own medical information.

SPEAKER_03 39:23

People that chew with their mouth open.

SPEAKER_02 39:27

Eh, that really doesn't bother me too bad.

SPEAKER_03 39:30

Or it's like really, because I think you I'm pretty sure we discussed this on iX, and you made it a point to bring up a specific someone, Jason. Um, who that's because he didn't even have his mouth open.

SPEAKER_02 39:42

I could just hear it like salivating in his mouth. Salivating. Salivating. But his mouth wasn't open. People that talk with food in their mouth bothers me more, but I'm pretty sure I do that.

SPEAKER_03 40:02

Like the day we were on FaceTime, and you're like eating a donut.

SPEAKER_02 40:07

When the fuck was I eating a donut? What if I was on vacation?

SPEAKER_04 40:12

And you're like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 40:14

It was a bagel, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:17

She had like cream cheese all over her lips. She thinks it was cream cheese. Yeah. You got my package then. I I sure did, baby.

SPEAKER_02 40:30

Best smoothie I've ever had. Yes. Um oh my god, I have so many like rolling around my head and I I know.

SPEAKER_03 40:41

Oh my god, what the fuck? Seriously. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 40:50

People that bully you from wearing makeup.

SPEAKER_03 40:54

Yeah, fuck that. Fuck that. I don't like that.

SPEAKER_02 41:00

Me neither.

SPEAKER_03 41:02

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 41:04

Or people that are nice to you behind closed doors and then mean as fuck everywhere else.

SPEAKER_03 41:11

Say it one more time.

SPEAKER_02 41:12

People that are nice behind closed doors but mean everywhere else.

SPEAKER_03 41:16

Like in front of other people. Yeah. That's that's just phony. Um or people that like say they're gonna do something and then they don't.

SPEAKER_00 41:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:32

You know, I don't like that either.

SPEAKER_02 41:37

Um people that prey on other people's downfall. Actually, I do that sometimes, so it shouldn't really be illegal in my case. Some things are only okay when I do it, but um, like somebody praying on my downfall or Jess's downfall. Yeah, no. Um that's probation, buddy.

SPEAKER_03 41:58

Yeah, I'm trying to think of other good ones too. Fuck.

SPEAKER_02 42:09

I had a brain fart. I know me too. I don't like it. I just had a really good one and I can't even.

SPEAKER_03 42:15

I know that was me earlier, and I still can't remember what it was.

SPEAKER_02 42:18

Or when you like call somebody out and they don't answer on you. Answer on you? When you call somebody out and they don't answer you.

SPEAKER_03 42:25

Like call somebody out for bullshit, or like, oh yeah. And they don't like you.

SPEAKER_02 42:31

And then you have to be like, you have to say something else that would get their attention, and then they finally answer you. But they're purposefully not answering you because of that.

SPEAKER_03 42:37

I do that actually. Or like what you said earlier kind of ties in, like every time you see someone, it's like always negativity, like that's going on. Like they never, and then you're just like absorbing it all, and you're like exhausted from it.

SPEAKER_02 42:54

I know it's so draining your energy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:59

Um, some of these could be like serious icks too, like icks we've talked about.

SPEAKER_02 43:06

Yeah, a lot of well, I think all our ice should be legal. Driving SUV as a male.

SPEAKER_03 43:14

You're you're so fucked up for that one. Half of the male population drives an SUV.

SPEAKER_02 43:21

Here we go. All right. Okay. Name them. Listen, I can't do that. What's the worst car a guy could drive for you? An orange cookie. Even worse, man.

SPEAKER_03 43:40

Um my god. I don't know. The worst car a guy could drive. See, I'm not shallow like you. I don't judge based on a car. Maybe I'm not judging.

SPEAKER_02 43:54

I have preferences. Okay. That's what I say.

SPEAKER_03 43:57

What's your preferences?

SPEAKER_02 43:58

A little black. Make a sedan is good. Like a Lamborghini.

SPEAKER_03 44:04

What is the issue with SUVs?

SPEAKER_02 44:06

I don't know. It just seems so like sacramaly to me. Are you like for real? I don't okay, like yeah, I think I am. Like there's some that could like pass a test, I guess. But a lot of guys we work with drive SUVs.

SPEAKER_04 44:24

No shit.

SPEAKER_02 44:28

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 44:33

Yes, because literally half the men I know drive SUVs, and some of them are fucking sexy ass SUVs.

SPEAKER_04 44:42

Is there one in particular? No. Just saying. Is it the Subaru?

SPEAKER_02 44:52

I think no. The cringiest car I can drive is a smart car. Or a Prius. That shit sounds like you want to know who drives a ball. Who the fuck has a smart car that we have?

SPEAKER_04 45:15

Wait, it's it's electric and it's a Prius. Really?

SPEAKER_01 45:24

I think it looks like he would have one, honestly.

SPEAKER_02 45:28

It's not a bad thing. It just looks like you love the environment. Which is great. We love environment. Oh my god, we love environment. My voice sounds weird today. No, it doesn't. Really? Yeah. You're lying to me. I think it sounds weird.

SPEAKER_03 45:45

That's funny as fuck. I do not agree with this one. Just so everyone's aware. I think SUVs are nice. I drive it. I mean, I'm not a man, but I drive an SUV.

SPEAKER_02 45:57

Yeah, you do. That's okay, because you're a mom.

SPEAKER_03 46:02

What about a minivan?

SPEAKER_02 46:06

My dad used to drive one of those. But he doesn't have it anymore. No, but no minivans for real. Okay. I have to approve the car you drive. Okay, if it was like a Mercedes SUV. Oh my! Yeah. I can.

SPEAKER_03 46:28

I can't. A big one, like a suburban. So a car, like a car is acceptable. Yeah. Okay. A little car is acceptable. What about like a fiat?

SPEAKER_02 46:43

No, that looks like a smart car.

SPEAKER_03 46:45

It looks like a fucking roller skate on wheels. Like bigger wheels.

SPEAKER_02 46:50

An oversized roller skate. It looks like a fucking build-a-bare roller skate. You know how they're like so circular?

SPEAKER_01 46:55

That's what it literally looks like.

SPEAKER_04 46:58

Um I I probably bewakes are out of the question. I thought he had a Volkswagen. And he has a Bewaken and a Volkswagen.

unknown 47:13

Fuck no.

SPEAKER_02 47:15

A beetle. A bug. I want a bug. I want a hot pink bug. Oh my. Come on, that would be adorable. I would take you so far in that, baby. Ten miles around the speed limit, but we're getting fair. Take you home in that.

SPEAKER_03 47:28

In the past lane. Oh my god. Um oh my god. It's fucked up. That is so fucked up. What? You with men with SUVs? That is the weirdest cringe. I've never heard a woman say the men who drive SUVs is ick.

SPEAKER_02 47:58

Okay, what if you were really interested in somebody? They're like, yeah, I'll pick you up. Okay. And they pop out in this little yellow, like little tiny smart. Let me show you a picture of what I'm talking about. Like a tiny smart car.

SPEAKER_03 48:11

Absolutely not. Oh, Nahu Shallow. A tiny yellow smart car, and some guy pulls up in it to pick me up. Absolutely not. Oh my god. Oversized rolls. Watching the video. Come on, that's adorable. You'd be okay. So Nahu Shallow. You'd be okay with that.

SPEAKER_02 48:33

No.

SPEAKER_03 48:34

Okay. I just want to make sure we're on the same.

SPEAKER_02 48:36

That's kind of cute. You know, I passed one on the actually, I didn't pass one. They were going the opposite way, but they were flying. Those things so fast. Oh god. What other cars are cringe?

SPEAKER_03 48:50

There's so many of them.

SPEAKER_02 48:55

Um cringe cars. I like do you like hummers?

SPEAKER_03 49:02

No.

SPEAKER_02 49:03

Okay. Genuine?

unknown 49:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:06

Say it like that. Genuine. I don't know. Really?

SPEAKER_02 49:08

I like hummers. I think they look sick.

SPEAKER_03 49:10

I'm not, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 49:11

Do you want a hummer?

SPEAKER_03 49:13

I would not pay for a hummer if I was given a hummer. Who wants to tiny hummer?

SPEAKER_02 49:19

I wasn't talking about that kind of hummer.

SPEAKER_03 49:22

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 49:26

Awesome. They're gascos or so.

SPEAKER_03 49:29

Yas. Um.

SPEAKER_00 49:39

What else should be illegal? What else? What else?

SPEAKER_02 49:41

What else?

SPEAKER_03 49:46

People who wear like pants that have like fake pockets in them.

SPEAKER_02 49:51

Ew. Jaggings. Illegal. Ew. Um Bermuda shorts as a woman. Illegal. Oh. Well. Yeah. Unless they're like old. I think that's a good one. Older, yeah. Because I don't think I want to send my grandma Hoochie shorts. Yeah, that's a good point. Um. That's a good point. Okay, I can't even wear shorts to work because I refuse to wear them down to my fucking mid-shin.

unknown 50:20

I know.

SPEAKER_02 50:21

Not even shorts at that point. No, it's like a massive lesbian. Remember when I saw you bought my toe shoes? We should have seen the rest of the get up. They were jean Bermuda shorts. And this tight ass white, like yellow tank top. Yeah, but you were young. Young enough to know that that was fucking disgusting. I mean, old enough to know. Whatever. So I'm having a stroke.

SPEAKER_00 50:47

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 50:50

God, what's another good one? My fucking coaches. Oh my god, I wish you had them. I want to see them on you.

unknown 50:57

Really?

SPEAKER_02 50:58

Yeah. What if I popped up to work in them one day?

SPEAKER_03 51:00

I would love it.

SPEAKER_02 51:01

My feet would be hiding all the way under the desk. I would love it. Or when you here's another thing that should be illegal. When oh my god, I have like a frog in my throat.

SPEAKER_00 51:12

Huh.

SPEAKER_02 51:14

When you like ask somebody like a gip, like a question that's supposed to actually be hilarious and not serious, and then they take it seriously.

SPEAKER_03 51:21

Oh god.

SPEAKER_02 51:22

And then they answer it literally. Hey Amelia Bedelia. You ever read those books?

SPEAKER_04 51:30

I forgot about those. Yeah, like them.

SPEAKER_02 51:32

It's clever. Not really, but people that don't understand sarcasm.

SPEAKER_03 51:39

Oh there's a lot of people like that.

SPEAKER_02 51:40

I hate that.

SPEAKER_03 51:41

I know. Especially if they're like in front of you and they can hear your tone and like see your face and they just don't get it. Pick up on it.

SPEAKER_02 51:50

And then they're like, no, actually it wouldn't be. And I'm like, okay, well, actually it was fucking sarcastic. Yeah, it was a joke. People that don't get my jokes, people that don't understand the way that I talk. Just anyone who's negative in your life is illegal. Exactly. What if when I become president, I turn it to the and I oh my god, we should do something like this is what I would do if I was a president.

SPEAKER_03 52:16

Oh my god, that's a good segment. I like that. I can't wait to go breathe. Wait, we have to write that down. I like that. That's a really good mental note. This bitch says, let me do some research. About what? About anything that we're gonna do on Sunday. Or like, I have an idea, but I forgot it.

SPEAKER_02 52:42

I'm gonna write them down, but I don't care. My my notebook stays in here because I'm fucking pathetic as fuck.

SPEAKER_03 52:47

No, I keep mine in my car.

SPEAKER_02 52:50

Long fingernails on men.

SPEAKER_03 52:52

Illegal. Yeah, I don't like that either. It skeeves me out more than anything. I don't like that.

SPEAKER_02 52:59

You know, I heard a story once of somebody that I knew, uh, and they had long fingernails, and well, his ex-girlfriend now said that it fucking scratched the inside of her. That's like what is it called when you're giving birth and the baby has long nails? What do they call it? They call it something brush burn.

SPEAKER_03 53:19

You know all these weird terminology things.

SPEAKER_02 53:22

I was gonna say, you've had two kids, I've had one.

SPEAKER_03 53:24

Yeah, that doesn't mean I know every term.

SPEAKER_02 53:26

I think it's called brush burn.

SPEAKER_03 53:27

You just told me something the other day, and I'm like, that's a thing, and you're like, yeah, it's blah blah blah blah. I'm like, how do you even fucking know that? What was it? It was some medical terminology we were talking about the other day. Really? And you knew exactly what it was called. Oh, what you're talking about the bowleg thing. Oh the bow legged legal, just kidding.

SPEAKER_02 53:46

Um being bowlegged. Oh god, I'm picturing it. It's actually not bad. A lot of kids have it, but uh I know a lot of useless information. I love that. Yeah, but I wish I knew some useful information. You do, I think you know useful and useless. Nothing's useless, everything has a purpose, except for somebody I'm no. Not you, baby. Never you have so much purpose. Thank you.

unknown 54:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 54:18

That's my only purpose, just to be in between your legs. I know. So I'm here for it. So I'm good for it to be in between Ash's legs.

SPEAKER_02 54:25

Um I was kidding around you and I asked you somebody asked where you were the other day, and I said under the vest. Yes. Under my vest.

SPEAKER_03 54:34

Oh my god. God, I'm too clever. I love it. I'm really mad. I can't think of there's so much shit that should be illegal here. I know.

SPEAKER_02 54:47

Um people that are like that use somebody's nationality or race. Okay, I'm just gonna explain what I mean by this. So when we were in Marshalls one time, and the cashier was like a little Asian woman, and then this fucking lady comes in and returns something, and she's like, Oh, well, the tag's not on here, you don't have the receipt either. Like, right, I can't she couldn't do it, it's company policy, whatever. So she's like, Call over a manager, and the lady was like, You can't see it with your fucking eyes, and like all this being crazy as fuck. It was disgusting. I wanted to throw up. She really said that yeah, like when people use like others' races too.

SPEAKER_03 55:27

Mmm, that's fucked up. I know that's mean.

SPEAKER_02 55:31

That is mean. I hated that.

SPEAKER_03 55:34

That's really mean.

SPEAKER_02 55:37

Should be legal that we're not monetizing off of this yet.

SPEAKER_03 55:40

I agree. I'd like to quit my job.

SPEAKER_02 55:44

Yeah, me too. So we have a GoFundMe. Just kidding. We don't, but that'd be really off. Awesome. Off, off. It'd be really off. When somebody asks you the same questions but in different forms 85 times.

SPEAKER_03 56:00

Oh my god. Send right to outer space with that.

SPEAKER_02 56:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 56:06

Or they just like talk in circles.

SPEAKER_02 56:08

Yeah, they just keep her.

SPEAKER_03 56:10

Say the same thing but just different ways.

SPEAKER_02 56:12

I don't know what they're looking for.

SPEAKER_03 56:14

Head, maybe a different answer, apparently.

SPEAKER_02 56:19

Oh my god. Okay, well. When somebody gives me 85 different fucking new customer packets today, you know who you are. You're not safe. Hopefully you look good and green, buddy.

SPEAKER_03 56:35

Or women who wear like not good smelling perfume and they douse themselves in it.

SPEAKER_02 56:42

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 56:43

It's fucking that should be illegal. Or people who don't shower.

SPEAKER_02 56:48

Smell number five is. Yeah, yeah. Do you like that smell?

SPEAKER_03 56:52

So I used to back in the day, but now it just reminds me of like old lady.

SPEAKER_02 56:57

Yeah, and it's strong as fuck.

SPEAKER_03 56:58

It is really fucking strong.

SPEAKER_02 57:00

I don't really think it smells that nice anyway.

SPEAKER_03 57:01

My favorite perfume is Doljan Cabana Light Blue. That's my go-to. It's my favorite, but I'm all out of it.

SPEAKER_02 57:06

That's what my best friend uses. Really? Yeah, that's hilarious.

SPEAKER_03 57:10

Yeah, I love it. It's my favorite. But I use Victoria's secret too. What's your secret? I have lots of them. Sure.

SPEAKER_02 57:21

I can't. Should we just like spill all our secrets on an episode?

unknown 57:26

Probably.

SPEAKER_03 57:27

We'll do it like the day before I die. That's gonna be a long time. That's fine. We can do that. We'll be 95 fucking recording.

SPEAKER_04 57:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 57:37

Or millionth.

SPEAKER_02 57:39

Oh my god, then we could change to retired work wives.

SPEAKER_03 57:42

Ooh, that's cute.

SPEAKER_02 57:46

Hell yeah, baby.

SPEAKER_03 57:47

I like it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 57:52

Well, everybody, thank you for joining us. I hope you had the time of your motherfucking life.

SPEAKER_03 57:57

If you do any of these, you're going to jail.

SPEAKER_02 58:00

And if you're watching us in fapping right now, let us know.

SPEAKER_03 58:03

Fapping? What does that mean? What does fapping mean?

unknown 58:08

Like fapp, fat, fat, fapp.

SPEAKER_03 58:14

Just like I didn't know what cock actually meant until you. I'm here to educate you, honey. I I agree. I still think we should do a porn episode so we can break down all the terminology and school me on this.

SPEAKER_02 58:27

I know. So you know how there's like funny names for different like things? Like there's the Alaskan pipeline. Do you know what that is? I'm gonna I'm gonna name these and I'm gonna have her guess what they what it is, and then I'll tell her what it really is. And if she loses, she has to take a shot. Okay, I like this idea. Like a blumpkin, do you know what that is?

SPEAKER_03 58:50

I've heard of that before. That one's really gross, though, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 58:54

Yeah, it kind of a mushroom stamp. Yeah, I know what that is. There's some really good ones out there. That's our next episode. That's what we're gonna do.

SPEAKER_03 59:02

You're gonna guess isn't there the one where like the guy's on the toilet? That's I think that's a blumpkin. Blumpkin, yeah, yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_02 59:08

And you're gonna have that's fucking disgusting.

SPEAKER_03 59:12

If someone has ever done that before, I'm sorry, but like you're fucking disgusting.

SPEAKER_02 59:18

And you're like getting in their fecal matter, because it's literally could you imagine it's like explosive diarrhea too? I would really gag for sure.

SPEAKER_03 59:29

Absolutely not. I I'm sorry, but like that's there are certain things I would never do, and that's all of them. Just a bump getting healing. No, a man's meaning there.

SPEAKER_02 59:45

Jason won't eat ass either, tell me.

SPEAKER_03 59:47

Really? Yeah, I thought Jason would be one that would suck the fart right out of a girl's ass.

SPEAKER_02 59:52

Really? Yeah, you got that vibe?

SPEAKER_03 59:55

Yeah, I did. Okay, I didn't. Um I did. He literally said he'd never eat ass. Really? I know you're gonna have to cross him off your list, buddy.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:10

Wow. Wow, I'm just exposing the fuck out of Jason right now. Well, he hasn't been on our show yet, so I know. We're gonna do this until it comes on.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:18

This is what you get. I'm shocked about that. Has he gone into detail if he will, you know? He doesn't give me much detail.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:28

I have to pry for it. I could see him eating ass over eating pussy. I could not see him eating either unless there was yogurt on it.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:39

Or salad. Well, it'd be like tossing the salad.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:42

Yeah, it's fucking salad that has half a bottle of dressing on it and fucking shredded cheese all over it. So you know it's not healthy anymore because you just put like 2,000 calories or dressing on it. Oh my god. I cannot. I'm writing these all down. This is what we're doing next next episode.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:01

Yeah, we gotta remember the president one and the sex one.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:04

I really I like that. I like that. Okay, these are fun ones. I think we should make a Patreon just so we can do the porn ones. Reacting to porn.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:15

Yeah, you gotta pay for that one.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:17

Yeah, the Patreon one you do.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:19

Because I think it should be fucking hilarious.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:21

I think so too. Do you think we'd get in trouble if we like screen recorded porn and reacted to it? No, it's on the internet. Oh, yeah, and then they have to watch the video, like it won't just be audio. It couldn't be audio because they wouldn't know what the fuck we were talking about. We could describe it. Yeah, that's fun. Okay, now the guy's a chef. Okay, that's oh god, I will fucking narrate it.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:47

Like, yeah, that would be graphic.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:48

That would be good.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:49

The wild cock finds his prey.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:52

Oh, that'd be good.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:54

Like Morgan Freeman. I would AI my voice. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:58

That'd be awesome. So funny.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:02

Okay, those are two good ideas. If you guys have any ideas, you should tell us. Yeah, you should. Seriously.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:17

I think it looks so silly. What if we got like little like microphone covers that look like wieners?

SPEAKER_02 1:02:22

Little penises! So that we just have like little wieners all over our mouth. Please rubber. Did you see that video I sent you the other day on TikTok? The one I warned you about. Oh fuck, no, I forgot about it. Okay, go look now. Yes. We have a fucking nice. You didn't even look, and I told you like eight days ago.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:43

And it was two days ago. And I was running around. Where did you send it? Oh, I'm running around. Under personal.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:57

Good lord. Priestone mighty. Shit on a shingle. What's shit on a shingle? Was it the ship to be thing?

SPEAKER_03 1:03:08

What? I mean, this is too much for me.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:17

What is a fucking tank?

unknown 1:03:23

I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:25

This man has the world's biggest package ever. Even when fully relaxed, his size is about six and a half to seven inches bigger than average. From a very young age, it started growing wildly and just kept getting bigger.

unknown 1:03:37

Before 18, it had already reached eight inches.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:39

By age twenty, it had grown to twelve inches, but now it has reportedly reached a jaw dropping twenty inches. This massive piece of anatomy made him incredibly proud. He absolutely loved it because he believed nobody else on earth could possibly be bigger to him.

unknown 1:03:53

He loved it in the symbol of manhood, but having that much size brought problems everywhere in daily life.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:59

He had to keep it wrapped in bandages just to reduce friction from his pants rubbing against it that made things feel more comfortable. He also wanted to apply for Guinness, but he got rejected. With that kind of size, his sex life basically disappeared because no woman seemed to be a match. He was even once accused of indecent exposure after showing it off in front of two women. So what about you? Would you want something that huge?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:23

Get the fuck out of here. There is no way that can be real. It's huge. And his balls are not that big.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:34

But what do you want?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:36

I mean, I would figure with a dick that big you'd have bigger balls.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:40

Maybe he just like deflates them every day, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:46

And it doesn't even like get skinny at the tip, it's just huge all the way around. Like, you know those girls that like in porn, like I don't know, you're a lot younger than me, but that they like sit on like a two-liter bottle.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:02

Oh, yeah. There's this girl that's on TikTok and she shows you everything she uses. She doesn't like it.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:07

Oh, some of them are fucking ginormous. I've seen it.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:09

Like the octopus is a little bit more than a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:12

I'm sorry, but like and she's like freaky looking.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:16

Like she freaky looking.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:16

Yeah, she is. She is. She's weird looking.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:18

Yeah, she looks looks scary.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:21

That's disgusting. I feel like you'd be split in half. That's really like how what does it look like when it's hard? Can he even get a hard?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:33

Does it stand all the way up?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:34

I have questions. I have serious questions. You should DM him. I could only imagine what his comb shot would look like.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:39

Like OG Monthone's probably a lot. Have you ever seen that?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:45

Although it does come from the balls, and his balls are not that big.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:48

Yeah, that's true. So maybe it's like by the time it gets all the way up there, it's fucking you know and void. Oh, your sperm are dead by the time it reaches the top, probably.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:04

That is not okay. Why does it taste like that? To reduce friction. Didn't you read it? I heard it. Why has he got that weird thing on his leg?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:15

Mobile thing.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:16

His wiener? He's got some weird fucking strap on his leg.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:19

Oh, I'd probably keep it down.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:21

It was on the other leg. I know. He's got two. Is that real? Do you really think that's real?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:30

Apparently there's somebody bigger. In the comments, somebody said that the guy who actually holds a world record is bigger than that guy.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:38

They're never having children. No, if a woman, well, they're out there. Somebody for everybody. That's fucking gross. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:47

I can't believe Cornhub hasn't like offered him a deal.

unknown 1:06:51

Ah.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:54

Oh my god. What else would you do with something that big? You would have to do corn.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:59

I don't know. I just dreamed about it. Ew, no. I'm fucking he could be in like one of those like fucking kung fu movies where he like hits like the cinder black and it breaks. With his beaner.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:16

Yeah. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:18

Ew. You guys should see this video. If you want to be traumatized like I am currently.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:24

She's so dramatic. It's just a wean.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:27

It's not just a wean. It's a a limousine. Yeah. You can't even say it's a third leg. Like that's well, kind of, yeah. It's a third leg. That's like making me twitch. That's fucking gross.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:45

Oh my god, it has an effect on her side. That's impressive.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:51

Oh my god. That's gross. No.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:02

All right, everybody. Well, thank you once again for joining us.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:11

Thank you. It's okay. Thank you so much for joining us. And we look forward to the next episode.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:27

Still framed. Oh my god. Just a reminder this podcast is for entertainment purposes only. We are not licensed therapists, dating coaches, or role models. We're just two coworkers with microphones and opinions.

unknown 1:08:41

Perfect.