Episode 17: The Dictionary We Should've Avoided

We made the mistake of opening the internet... and now you have to hear about it. 😭 In this episode, Jess tries to guess what some of the weirdest and most unhinged slang terms actually mean, while Ashi reveals the real definitions and watches the chaos unfold. From terms we've never heard before to ones we wish we could forget, expect lots of laughing, shocked reactions, and plenty of "who came up with this?!" moments. Grab your headphones and prepare for a wild ride through the darkest corners of the internet.

Transcript

unknown 0:00

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Hello everybody and welcome to another episode of Workwives. This is Ashi.

SPEAKER_02 0:06

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 0:08

This is just this is just so today we're making Jessica gag.

SPEAKER_02 0:14

Hey. Expecting it.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

If you listened to our last episode, you would know that our episode today was going to be guessing different sex terms and what they mean.

SPEAKER_02 0:29

Yeah. So to put it in context, I'm a lot older than her, and she seems to know more terminology than me. So we're gonna give it a go. Now wait a minute. Do you know what all of these mean? So some of them were new to me, but I knew most of them. Okay, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

All right. Um, this is our new series called Making Jessica a pervert.

SPEAKER_02 0:51

I gotta get better at my game, so let's give it a go.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

All right. So we discussed last time that you knew what Blumpkin was. Yes, I know what Blumpkin was. Do you want to tell the crowd?

SPEAKER_02 1:02

When a guy's on the toilet and a girl's giving him a blowjob while he takes a shit.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

Okay, so that's kind of like the theme of today's episode.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

It's fucking disgusting.

SPEAKER_01 1:13

So, Jessica, can you please tell me what an Alaskan pipeline is?

SPEAKER_02 1:18

Okay, um, I'm gonna take a guess on this one because Alaska, I think, white. So is this when like a guy like comes down her back and it goes down her butt crack now?

SPEAKER_01 1:38

So think of like instead of the white, cold. What? Like you said, I'm thinking Alaska so white. So think of like the cold aspect of Alaska and pipeline.

SPEAKER_02 1:53

Does it have to do with the butt? It it could. Or the front? It could. Or the mouth. Well, oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

So you're okay. I'm just gonna tell her because her guess has to do with cum.

SPEAKER_02 2:10

It does. Okay, that's no, it doesn't. Oh you're guessed it though. Is it something to do with ice?

SPEAKER_01 2:16

Yes, like frozen.

SPEAKER_02 2:18

So when you take ice and like put it down her butt crack? What's up with you on these butt cracks? I don't know. I pipeline, I just think of bottle or something. Pipe, you don't think of penis? Oh, okay. Is it when you put ice on the penis?

SPEAKER_01 2:34

No. Okay. Okay. Where's my vape?

SPEAKER_02 2:45

I need this Alaskan pipeline. Okay, so we got cold. Yeah. Pipeline is the penis, the wean.

SPEAKER_01 2:54

Um or something that could be used as a peen.

SPEAKER_02 2:59

A dildo. Okay. Okay. When you freeze a dildo, when you put it in the freezer. There is freezing to it. When you fuck a dildo in a freezer.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Who has access to a huge freezer like that?

SPEAKER_02 3:18

Oh, okay, good point. Okay, all right, fine, tell me.

SPEAKER_01 3:22

So when you shit into a condom, you freeze it, and then you use it as a dildo.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? This is a real thing.

SPEAKER_01 3:38

I don't know how many people have actually done any of these things, but no. So on a scale of one to ten, how bad do you want to do this one?

SPEAKER_02 3:48

Negative 5,000. How do you even get a turd into a condom?

SPEAKER_01 3:53

You just like no open it up like no.

SPEAKER_02 3:56

And shouldn't have it. And then you got poopy fingers trying to hold it open.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

Ew. Um can you imagine if like the condom had like a tear in it? And like you're just getting like all these movies. This next one is called the Dirty Sanchez.

SPEAKER_02 4:11

Okay, I've heard of this before. Okay. Um, is some are these all gonna be poop related? Oh, so you kind of know what this one is. Um, no, they're not all poop related. Because I'm gonna end up throwing up on camera. Isn't it when you put like poop on the mouth or something?

SPEAKER_01 4:29

You're you're good. This is good.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

I knew it was something like that.

SPEAKER_01 4:34

It's when a male puts a finger in a female's ass. This can be like vice versa, obviously, and wipes the remnants on the female's upper lip. Bro. On a scale of one to ten, how bad do you want to do it?

SPEAKER_02 4:47

No, negative five thousand.

SPEAKER_01 4:49

So if you had to pick like Alaskan pipeline or dirty spin, you cannot.

SPEAKER_02 4:52

I can't, I would uh hit me with an asteroid. I'm not picking either of them.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

Ew, people are fucking gross. There's there was some on here, like the Alaskan pipeline. There's like a whole list of like it's like Alaskan pipeline, double dip, soft serve. That's what it's called, and it was absolutely violating. I didn't even put it in the game because it was so bad. That's me. So that's it.

SPEAKER_02 5:17

I just want to know who actually does shit like this.

SPEAKER_01 5:20

So I'm gonna skip this next one and I'll save it for a little bit later because you would probably you're probably gonna die when I tell you this one. Okay. Oh this next one's called the Angry Dragon.

SPEAKER_02 5:31

I should have had a drink for this one. I had a feeling this was gonna be really bad.

SPEAKER_01 5:35

I have carbless in the fridge. Shout out, carbulus.

SPEAKER_02 5:37

I might I might need that. Okay. Angry dragon? Is this something to do with a period? No. Okay. An angry dragon. Good guess though. Um is it poop related? No, no, no. Okay. Is it like fucking with an STD and like hot or something? Like no. Shit. Um Angry Dragon. Okay, obviously it has to do with the ween. Okay. Right? In a way. The wean. I love that. Okay. Um Angry Dragon. Something to do with the throat. Okay. Okay. Is it where you just like put hot sauce on it and like shove it down the throat? That would like burn the ween. Exactly. Dragon. Not okay. It's something to do with the throat and the wean. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

So is it like a throat and wean? What do you think of first? A blow jump?

SPEAKER_02 6:57

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Is it like where you're like deep throating it? And then like pulling it out of the mouth slowly while it I don't know. Okay, tell me.

SPEAKER_01 7:15

It's immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, you smack the back of her head and make it come out of her nose. So you were kind of onto something a little bit. Really?

SPEAKER_02 7:29

I've never heard that terminology.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

That might be a good thing.

SPEAKER_02 7:33

Probably. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 7:37

This next one's gonna make you gag too, so I'll say that for a little bit later. Oh fuck. Ew, out the nose. Okay, this one you might be able to guess. It's called Rainbow Kisses.

SPEAKER_02 7:52

Does that have something to do with gay?

SPEAKER_01 7:54

No. Okay. Well, no, no, I actually can't. It can't.

SPEAKER_02 7:57

Rainbow Kisses. Okay, I'm clearly not gonna know a lot of these, just for the record. Rainbow Kisses. Don't tell me it's like ejaculating in the air, and the girl's just like fucking catching it and then mid-air.

SPEAKER_01 8:14

No, there's kissing involved.

SPEAKER_02 8:22

Okay. Does that have to do with the ween? Yeah. And a girl kissing it. Not the ween.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

Kissing the cum? I mean, in a way, I guess. Oh, I mean, I guess technically she would be kissing the ween.

SPEAKER_02 8:46

So kissing the ween and then like a rainbow? Okay, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 8:53

So I think you're taking rainbow litter a little too literally. Oh fuck. So what's like a pretty famous sex position that's you use your mouth for? 69? Yeah, okay. So rainbow. So I'm gonna help you work through this one. Okay. Are you are you gathering? So kissing each end? So they're 69. So they're 69ing. Oh my god, I feel so sick. So okay.

SPEAKER_02 9:28

And they come at the same time.

SPEAKER_01 9:32

Um, I mean they yeah, they could. There's just like one of the people have a different situation going on at that time.

SPEAKER_02 9:41

Is it poop related? No. Okay, okay, okay. Thank god. I hate the poop. Excuse me out. There's a lot of poop. I know. Um the guy is coming?

SPEAKER_01 9:55

Yeah. And what color is cum usually? White. Okay. So then the other end, the other person who is also receiving or yes. Okay, I'm just gonna tell you, and then they hold it in their mouth. So she's holding the cum and he's holding the period blood in his mouth, and then they make out and mix the juices.

SPEAKER_02 10:24

I don't know if I want to do this one anymore. I was up for a fucking challenge.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

This is not what I signed up for.

SPEAKER_01 10:33

They're terrible. There's some really bad ones. Not ew what okay. There's some that's not that bad. Ugh. Like a Sacramento turtleneck.

SPEAKER_02 10:44

Why? Why is it called Sacramento?

SPEAKER_01 10:47

I don't know. This one would be hard to guess, kind of.

SPEAKER_02 10:52

Where they come around the neck, all the way around the neck. Here, take it, but you need to spin at the same time. Well that that's like a pearl necklace, right? Pearl necklace?

SPEAKER_01 11:06

Yeah, kind of, I guess. Um is that a sex term?

SPEAKER_02 11:09

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 11:11

Oh, is it? Yes. Oh my god, when they come on your neck, yeah, like a pearl necklace. Genuine. I've never heard of that. Really? So this one you're probably never gonna guess, so we'll just talk about it. It's when you use honey as lube. Ow. Like the guy puts it on his ween, and then he has sex, anal sex with a girl who has a really hairy buthole.

SPEAKER_02 11:34

Why why would that be called a turtleneck? A really hairy buthole?

SPEAKER_01 11:40

Yeah, so like the honey is just kind of like being a wax. Sounds like a mess to cleanup.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

She'll be pulling hair off. Oh my god, that just hurt my butt. It's like a that does not sound like that would be enjoyable.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

Butt wax.

SPEAKER_02 11:58

Literally, that sounds like it would hurt. What part?

SPEAKER_01 12:00

The anal or the uh all of it.

SPEAKER_02 12:02

The waxing. Oh, he actually puts it in her butt. My stomach's doing flips.

SPEAKER_01 12:12

This one's not bad either. The Cincinnati bowtie. I don't know what's up with all these city names.

SPEAKER_02 12:19

I know. What it's probably who founded it in like that city or state.

SPEAKER_01 12:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:24

Um, I have no fucking clue. This one's not that bad. I promise you won't be like at all. It's when you reverse titty fuck a girl, so your balls and penis look like a bow tie. That's kind of cute, actually. But like, how would they even stand? Reverse? Yeah, you wouldn't be able to.

SPEAKER_02 12:57

You'd have to be laying down.

SPEAKER_01 12:59

He'd have to like tape his feet on the wall and you'd have to be sitting, and like we'd just like do push up. Or laying down, and the guy'd be like this way. Yeah, but then you have like ass full of I mean face full of asshole.

SPEAKER_02 13:11

Literally, though. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 13:18

Have you ever dangled your head off a bed and gave head like that? Do you ever look up?

SPEAKER_02 13:23

This is ridiculous.

SPEAKER_01 13:26

Do you ever look up?

SPEAKER_02 13:27

I've never done that before.

SPEAKER_01 13:28

You've never hung your head off the bed? Nope. You're lying to me. I've never done that before. Genuinely.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

I don't need I'm I've never even had sex before.

SPEAKER_01 13:39

Oh, you have two kids.

SPEAKER_02 13:41

Oh fuck, that's right.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

Um have you ever looked up though? I feel like you're not telling me the full truth right now.

SPEAKER_02 13:50

I'm being very reserved.

SPEAKER_01 13:53

Don't.

SPEAKER_02 13:56

No, I don't want to look up and just see like a man but hole in my face. You'll see it.

SPEAKER_00 14:07

Oh my god, I was not ready for this episode.

SPEAKER_01 14:10

I know it's so so uncensored.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

A little bit.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

Okay, what about docking? Um it's two men.

SPEAKER_02 14:21

Oh my god. I'm not gonna guess any of these for the record.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

I know, because none of them actually like make sense. Like soup kitchen might.

SPEAKER_02 14:28

Oh god, fuck. Um, docking? Okay, does that have something to do with anal? No.

SPEAKER_01 14:40

Is it where they just like rest their weans on each other?

SPEAKER_02 14:43

In a way. Spooning, just like setting it on each other, or or just like laying their weens on each other.

SPEAKER_01 14:51

On each other's well, like their weens are definitely touching in a situation. That's what I figured. Okay, so one person has a different kind of anatomy than the other person. But it's two guys, yeah. So what does that mean? One of them is not circumcised. I mean, one of them, yeah, one of them is not circumcised. So what do they like put it in their like skin hole?

unknown 15:24

Skin hole.

SPEAKER_01 15:27

The act of placing the head of one's penis inside the foreskin of another man's penis. Okay, it's not even that bad. No. I think that if I was a gay man and my boyfriend was to have foreskin, I would want to try that. See if I fit in.

SPEAKER_02 15:41

Yeah, but then at that point, I'd like to do that. Yeah, because you're just like trying to like it's like a Chinese finger trap.

SPEAKER_00 15:46

Yeah, literally.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

That's awesome. That's so cool.

SPEAKER_02 15:54

Oh my god. Can you imagine getting stuck like that? Oh my god, could you imagine going to the doctor and you're like walking like this together?

SPEAKER_01 16:03

Oh my god, that's awesome. There's a movie, I forgot what it was called, but it's with Eric Andre. And him and his the co-work, co-worker, co-star in the movie. They get their fucking wieners like super glued together, and they're like running through the towns like trying to get somebody to help them.

SPEAKER_02 16:19

I feel like I've seen that. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 16:22

It's so funny. It's so funny.

SPEAKER_02 16:23

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

Okay, let's do soup kitchen now. See if you can get soup kitchen.

SPEAKER_02 16:29

Oh my god. Is this like panty soup?

SPEAKER_01 16:32

No. Like, okay, think of a soup kitchen. Who usually goes to a soup kitchen?

SPEAKER_02 16:36

Poor people? Or homeless people? Okay. Oh fuck. What is it when you walk around and just like put your load on a homeless guy? That's horrible and assault. Well, I feel like a lot of these are assault. Um okay. So we have poor people down. Yeah. What is it when two bums like fuck each other in the street? Four.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

Four bums? Or more have an orgy inside a vehicle. It's called a soup kitchen. Okay. Who came up with this shit? That's actually like kind of a clever name, though. That actually makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 17:28

You think bums really do that?

SPEAKER_01 17:30

No. What car are they doing?

SPEAKER_02 17:32

Clearly they have had to have for someone to come up with this name. Had to happen at some point somewhere.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

Do I think maybe they could have orgies? Probably.

unknown 17:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:43

Would it be in a vehicle? I'd be really sick if that was my vehicle and I have all these homeless people juices all over my car. Can you imagine what that smells like? Oh, okay. I don't think my car's big enough anyway. That one was brutal. Rusty trombone. Oh god. Have you never heard of this one? This was like the one of the first ones I've ever heard of. Does this involve poop? No. Okay. I'm saving the poop ones.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

Oh, great. All the gagging at the end. A rusty trombone. Why rusty? Because I think of poop if it's rusty.

SPEAKER_01 18:25

Why do you think of poop when you think of rust?

SPEAKER_02 18:28

Brown. Rust is the brown brown.

SPEAKER_01 18:32

Okay. Really? It's like red to me. Okay, close to brown. I mean it like it has to do with like an area of okay, anal. Okay not necessarily. What else can you do down there? Hoo-ha. Like what else can you do to the butthole?

SPEAKER_02 18:52

Lick.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

Okay, and what's that called? Oh rim job. Oh, rim job.

SPEAKER_02 18:58

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 18:59

Okay. And what have you ever seen somebody play a trombone?

SPEAKER_02 19:06

Probably.

SPEAKER_01 19:06

Oh, what's their hand doing?

SPEAKER_02 19:08

Their hand?

SPEAKER_01 19:09

Yeah. Like when you play a trombone, what does it look like?

SPEAKER_02 19:13

I mean, uh, whatever. You know what I mean? Okay, so is it when someone's looking the ball hole and then doing this on the other end?

SPEAKER_01 19:21

Yeah! They're getting a rim job and a hand job at the same time. Okay. And like when I was writing this, I'm like, I gotta see if that's actually a thing. So I like pretended to do it in the air. I was like, I really look like I'm playing a trombone. We see how you do it. Like, I really look like I'm playing the trombone. This one you might get too. This one's kind of easy. It's called Simbud. Being Simbud. Sinbud? No, Simba, like from Lion King. Have you ever seen The Lion King?

SPEAKER_02 19:55

Yeah, of course. Has it got something to do with the forehead?

SPEAKER_01 20:02

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_02 20:04

Is it where you take poop and wipe it on the bottom? No. I know. No, no, I'm not. I'm just consuming everything. Ew. Okay, is it where you take the yes?

SPEAKER_01 20:18

Yes, it's the second one you got in a row. Pat yourself on the back, girlfriend.

SPEAKER_00 20:27

I'm gonna need therapy after this.

SPEAKER_01 20:29

A smoky tornado.

SPEAKER_02 20:31

Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

No, I'm giving you all these good ideas.

SPEAKER_02 20:37

Does that have something to do with the butthole?

SPEAKER_01 20:39

No.

SPEAKER_02 20:41

You're like fetish with the bottle.

SPEAKER_00 20:43

No poop is gonna stop. Stop.

SPEAKER_02 20:46

So crazy. Okay. Have you ever seen two girls one cup? Stop. Sorry. I know, but I've heard it. It's fucking disgusting. Um a smoky tornado? Okay, does that have something to do with the wean? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay, well, a tornado goes in a circle. Okay. Is it like the movement of the mouth?

SPEAKER_01 21:28

No, so I'll give you like the star. So a guy is doing like a titty fat. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 21:41

Fuck. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

Yeah, this one's this one's hard. I've never heard of this one until I was like writing these down. Yeah, what is that? So while having sex with a woman's breasts, the man lights his pubes on fire when he's about to ejaculate. The woman finishes with her mouth and uses a small electric fan to put the fire out. What he better hope he comes fast or else his like skin is gonna burn. Okay, that's fucked up.

SPEAKER_02 22:14

That that's someone who that's that's no, no, ow. Yeah, I I think that guy would have to be like bushed up because that not that can't be real.

SPEAKER_01 22:34

You know, some people like to be burnt. There's we even need to dive into like fetishes that people have because some of these are like really sickly.

SPEAKER_02 22:42

Okay, like I can understand like people. I mean, I can't understand, but I can understand people like liking a little bit of pain because people are weird like that and like it, but that's like next level. Yeah, that would let me set my fucking body on fire and so close to your yes. Dude, literally like welt it up and like sores. You'll never grow hair there again.

SPEAKER_01 23:12

Maybe I should do that. I know. We might want to try with like burn scars, like burn scars.

SPEAKER_02 23:25

Well, you'll have one. We'll put the Alaskan pipeline on it to cool it off. Yeah, that's a good idea.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

Do you have one handy?

SPEAKER_02 23:38

Ew, that's so out of pocket. I that's that's insane to me.

SPEAKER_01 23:44

That is insane. He would have to, I feel like what was it called again? Tornado? The smoky tornado. So I feel like if he was to do that and he was about to like you would have to do it right before you're gonna come. Because I feel like if I had to like stop and like you'd lose it, set my pube, yeah, it'd lose it.

SPEAKER_02 23:58

I would have to start up again. And not only that, hair smells disgusting when it catches on fire. Oh, yeah, like burnt hair when you start. But not to mention the guy's fucked up for even doing that, but the girl, yeah, babe, set your fucking pubes on fire.

SPEAKER_01 24:14

Yeah, ew. And it's and you have to finish in her mouth. So, what if you're like not well endowed and then you like burn her face? And a small electric fan. I'm sorry, but when your pubes are on fire, how the fuck hold on, let me get my electric fan. It's like one of those little ones that you get at Disney that squirts water sometimes, and it never fucking works.

SPEAKER_02 24:36

That is wild to me. That no, it's ew, weird. People are fucking weird, they are fucking weird.

SPEAKER_01 24:46

So I don't know who King Clancy was, but there's one called the old King Clancy.

SPEAKER_02 24:51

Then I'm never gonna get this because I feel like I've heard that name, but I have no fucking clue.

SPEAKER_01 24:56

When I think of Clancy, I think of like the chip brand.

SPEAKER_02 25:00

But it has nothing to do with chip, so it has to do with the food, but not chips.

SPEAKER_01 25:08

And it's actually not gross.

SPEAKER_02 25:11

Has to do with food, it's just sticky. Honey. Syrup. Okay, so something to do with syrup. On the on the ween? No. On the hoo-ha? Mm-hmm. Okay. Does it involve a toy? No. Does it involve a ween? No. It's just the girl. All right.

SPEAKER_01 25:39

It's so humbling.

SPEAKER_02 25:40

Did you hear me hacking my office in the day? I was like gagging.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_02 25:45

Okay. I don't know. Alright, so we got syrup and the girl's hoo-ha.

SPEAKER_01 25:51

There's a girl and a guy, or another girl. Okay. And uh it has to do with a hoo-ha and maple syrup. So pouring maple syrup on her? Okay, no, actually, it has to be a guy. Actually, I lied. It's a guy gives a girl cream pie and then pours maple syrup on her vagina and eats her out.

SPEAKER_02 26:13

Okay, I mean, it's not the worst thing. At least not gonna make me gag.

SPEAKER_01 26:22

After a brief intermission of my popcorn lung, um, let's continue. Okay. Okay, so we just did what? The fire pubes. Yeah. Are we good to go back to shit or what? Oh okay. No, you know what? We won't. But no, we we're gonna throw one in right now because if not, we're gonna have to save them all for us. Oh my god. This one's called the Slovate. Oh, the Slovakian traffic cone. Oh my god, I can already feel like the acid reflux coming up. Just do this, it helps with the gagging.

SPEAKER_02 27:00

Really? Okay, I'm gonna my my fist is gonna be broken later. Okay. The Slovakian traffic cone. Oh fuck me.

SPEAKER_01 27:13

It actually has to do with the traffic cone.

SPEAKER_02 27:17

Are you pooping a traffic cone?

SPEAKER_01 27:20

Okay, but where's the traffic cone located?

SPEAKER_02 27:24

In the vagina. Can you fit one of those in there? Well, obviously, if there's poop in it, you're sitting on it.

SPEAKER_01 27:35

So somebody's pooping into it. And it's located somewhere. In the toilet. In a perfect world. Oh my god. In a perfect world, yes.

SPEAKER_02 27:49

Hopefully, shit would fall in the toilet. Okay, so someone's sitting on the traffic cone pooping and like someone's giving a blowjob or something while doing it.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

Okay, I was way off. So you put a traffic cone on someone's chest and you shit come and puke into it. Oh, come on! Come.

SPEAKER_02 28:08

Who does that? How do you vomit and poop and come at the same time? These are not real. These are not real.

SPEAKER_01 28:16

Some of them said that you can also do earwax and like other bodily fluids and like excretments, boogers, stuff like that. I don't know like who would actually do that one. I probably wouldn't get off on that, but you know.

SPEAKER_02 28:31

Oh my fucking oh, people are so disgusting. Oh my god, that's vile. That's fucking vile. That one sent me over the edge.

SPEAKER_01 28:47

Ew. Okay, the Alabama Hot Pocket. This one might make you gag. Oh god.

SPEAKER_02 28:58

I don't like these poop ones. This shit fucking sends me, bro.

SPEAKER_01 29:03

Okay, I think this might be the last poop one.

SPEAKER_02 29:04

Okay, so it is. Okay, good. I don't fucking know. Just just say it. Just put me out of my misery.

SPEAKER_01 29:21

No, we're gonna we're gonna work on this together. It's gonna be a problem solving. So what's a hot pocket?

SPEAKER_02 29:26

This is a problem I don't want to solve. Okay, a hot pocket is a fucking pastry with stuff in it. Okay. So you take an actual pastry and you poop in it?

SPEAKER_01 29:39

No. Oh. So what what do you consider to be your pocket? My vagine. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 29:47

And you're so this is where you poop in your vagine. Someone poops in your vagine. The amount of bacteria that would come. I mean, come on. That's like a UTI waiting to happen.

SPEAKER_01 29:59

Or yeast infection, or or all of the above.

SPEAKER_02 30:02

Look at me clenching my fists. I'm so good not gagging. Use my tip. Oh my god. Oh, really? Yeah. Dude, you better have some monastery on point with that one.

SPEAKER_01 30:26

And like a bidet, but for your vagina.

unknown 30:30

Bro, that's so.

SPEAKER_01 30:32

How would you get that out of there? You would have to like take your finger and like scoop it out. Are you using my tip? Yeah, your tip ain't working.

SPEAKER_02 30:45

Okay, stop. Hold on, that one's I'm real. Oh, for real? That one was fucking gross.

SPEAKER_01 30:51

Poop bothers you that bad.

SPEAKER_02 30:52

Yes. Like other people's poop? Poop in general. I don't poop. That's just fucking gross. And not to mention, it's not even like it's just a normal bodily function. It just happens in life. We're talking about people playing in it and doing weird shit with it. People have poop fetishes, like shitting on the biggest. They should all honestly not be on earth. I'm sorry. Can you hear this? Watch.

SPEAKER_01 31:17

I'm sorry. I bet you like 99% of our viewers are poop fetishers. It's okay if we lose them.

SPEAKER_02 31:23

I'm okay with it.

unknown 31:25

I'm okay with it.

SPEAKER_01 31:26

I'm here for you. I don't have a poop fetish, but I don't judge. I'm like the most open-minded, non-judgmental person I've ever met in my whole entire life.

SPEAKER_02 31:37

Okay, now we're full of shit. I never have a bad thing to say about anybody or what they drive. I don't judge people. I try not, hold on, let me rephrase that. I try not to judge people and like lit let people live their life. But if you have a poop fetish, I judge you. I'm sorry. What's your fetish? Not poop. I'd have to put some thought into that. That is fucking deplorable.

SPEAKER_01 32:07

I can't wait to see you in work tomorrow and be like, what are you having for lunch? An LM Hot Pocket. I can't. Was there another food one in here? Oh fuck. I can't remember.

SPEAKER_02 32:21

Oh my god. The saddest part is. Oh, that wasn't the last food one. Yeah, you said there was one that was really bad.

SPEAKER_01 32:31

Yeah, we're just gonna hit it, honestly, because I made a joke about this before.

SPEAKER_02 32:35

Fuck, okay. Are you ready?

SPEAKER_01 32:37

It's called the Philly Sidecar.

SPEAKER_02 32:39

Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. My thumb hurts from clenching so hard. I'm actually quite scared of this one.

SPEAKER_01 32:52

I made a joke about this one before.

SPEAKER_02 32:54

You make a joke about a lot of things.

SPEAKER_01 32:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 32:57

I think the book could be on the table with you at any point in time, but I don't remember this. I think I made this joke like when we were talking to somebody in my office. Did you use that terminology? A Philadelphia sidecar? No, no.

SPEAKER_01 33:14

I didn't make oh my god, the terminology. I just okay suggested it. And I think we were talking to Jason about this, but I don't think so. Like I want to say it was Jason, but I don't remember. All right. Well, I already know it involves poop. In a way. It doesn't have to necessarily be poop because there's other like okay. Well, you'll know what I mean when I tell you.

SPEAKER_02 33:39

Oh my god. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 33:41

It's the act of putting one's penis into someone's astronomy site, colostomy, etc.

SPEAKER_00 33:50

Didn't I make a joke about this? Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 33:53

Maybe I did in my head.

SPEAKER_02 33:55

Are you sure? I do not fucking remember that. And I was like, they can just like fuck their colossum hole.

SPEAKER_01 34:02

Come on, that's fucked up. People do that. Actually, there was a I was watching somebody get interviewed, and they were in prison, and this guy had a um a colossomy bag, and people would literally pay him in commissary to be able to fuck his colossamy hole, and it got super infected. I bet. But they did it, and he like used it like to get things. That is what I call an entrepreneur.

SPEAKER_02 34:29

Oh my god, dude. People are seriously. They interviewed this guy?

SPEAKER_01 34:35

They interviewed some guy that was in prison with him. Oh and he was like talking about it. Okay. And yeah, it got really in fucking infected and it like almost killed him. He got one like sepsis. I don't know why.

SPEAKER_02 34:50

So wrong.

SPEAKER_01 34:52

That's so fucking wrong. I get if I guess if you have it, use it, you know what I mean? Especially in like a situation like that. Like at least it won't hurt as bad as you like your butthole.

SPEAKER_02 35:03

I'd stick to the butthole.

SPEAKER_01 35:06

Ew. And probably cleaner since all your poop's coming out your side. ASMR. My cough drop.

SPEAKER_02 35:17

Okay, our next episode is gonna be on rainbows, butterflies, and unicorns. Just to be clear.

SPEAKER_01 35:23

Yeah. Rainbow kisses, maybe. Oh god. Okay, these ones aren't too bad. There's one that's kind of like, oh, that's a little fucked, but uh not that bad.

SPEAKER_02 35:33

They all live sound like that, okay? I'm gonna have nightmares about that one. No, you're not. Yes, I am. That's fucked. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 35:42

Right? What if you were really into somebody you had a colostomy bag and they're like, you know, I really love you. And I really think we should take this next step and go to fourth base. If they asked to fuck your colostomy hole.

SPEAKER_02 35:55

Ashi. Oh my god. No. Like it's consensual. Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_01 36:04

No. It's kind of like having like side anal in a way. It's side anal. Why am I friends with her? I don't know how like I've never had a colossomy bag, obviously. I wonder how it would feel. Like, probably weird. Probably like you like have to like throw up like butterflies in your stomach.

SPEAKER_00 36:28

Oh my god, stop.

SPEAKER_01 36:30

But it's actually just a cock.

SPEAKER_02 36:32

Oh god. I've never been more uncomfortable in my time.

SPEAKER_01 36:36

And a colossum.

SPEAKER_00 36:38

Than this episode. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 36:42

These are fucked up. Well, yeah, they're on Urban Dictionary. Have you ever been on that site? Yeah. Have you ever looked up your name? No. We'll do that after this. Oh god. No, they're actually not too bad. Okay. This one's called the Boston Tea Party. I feel like I've heard of this before. Okay. No idea what it is. Like what a cookie party is? Okay, I'll tell you that after.

SPEAKER_02 37:05

The Boston Tea Party. Oh my god. I'm assuming it's multiple people.

SPEAKER_01 37:16

Okay, yep.

SPEAKER_02 37:19

Okay. That was as far as I've gotten.

SPEAKER_01 37:23

It's good. It's a good start.

SPEAKER_02 37:29

Alright. Um so multiple people. Mm-hmm. So you were okay with a blumpkin, but you weren't okay with a function. I'm not okay with a blumpkin. But the last one you just said, I'm telling you right now, I'm gonna fucking nightmare about a couple of these. Um, alright, I don't know. Boston Tea Party. Multiple people, Orgy.

SPEAKER_01 37:51

When many men teabag one person at the same time. That's not that bad. See, that's one you can live with, right?

SPEAKER_02 37:59

How the fuck do you get that many balls in one spot? I swear some of these are not real. I I cannot believe that there would really be people out there that do shit like this.

SPEAKER_01 38:13

The last one that I have is called a French tugboat. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 38:21

Does it involve the ween? Uh kind of.

SPEAKER_01 38:30

These names suck. I know they're so hard to like guess.

SPEAKER_02 38:34

Yeah, who came up with these?

SPEAKER_01 38:35

I don't know. I asked Airbnb Dictionary.

SPEAKER_02 38:38

Okay, tell tell me. Oh fuck. I lost my mic.

SPEAKER_01 38:42

When a female gargles milk and a guy puts his nuts in her mouth. Milk? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:48

Okay, that's not terrible.

SPEAKER_01 38:49

Man milk. Just kidding.

unknown 38:50

Just kidding.

SPEAKER_01 38:52

It's normal milk.

SPEAKER_02 38:53

Okay. That's not terrible.

SPEAKER_01 38:55

But if you're lactose intolerant, you can choose oat milk, almond milk, soy milk, coconut milk. She has other options. I'm so accommodating. It's disgusting. Creamer. So out of all of these, which one would you want to do the most? Which one would if you had to do one? Which one would you do?

SPEAKER_02 39:13

Probably the last one.

SPEAKER_01 39:14

I'd probably be Simbud. Like the comb on the forehead.

SPEAKER_02 39:19

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:20

That's like acceptable.

SPEAKER_02 39:21

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:22

I'll guess what I'll pick what you want. Probably the Slovakian Slovakian. I can't fucking say this word. Slovakian traffic cone. I can't stand you.

SPEAKER_02 39:32

I cannot. I cannot. I cannot.

SPEAKER_01 39:36

So now I'm gonna look up your name in Urban Dictionary. What does it tell what does it tell you about Urban?

SPEAKER_02 39:40

I'll tell you, I'll tell you.

SPEAKER_01 39:43

Urban Dictionary. Did you ever play with this when you were younger?

SPEAKER_02 39:47

Urban Dictionary? Yeah. No. Really? No. Jessica. Like my whole name or just Jessica?

SPEAKER_01 39:58

No, just Jessica. No, yours is actually really nice. Jessica is by far the most beautiful girl to walk the face of the planet. An angel sent from above, perfectly imperfect. She is a girl of any man's dreams. Oh my god! She's indescribably gorgeous, and the legality of her beauty is questionable. She is by far the fairest of the land. She is exceptionally punny and incredibly smart. She is extremely down to earth, so down to earth that she cannot accept compliments based on her beauty. She will reject and turn down any compliments that revolve around her. It is mind-boggling to see how someone so special doesn't even know how much they mean to people. She is poetry in a world still learning the alphabet. Her beauty is unfathomable and uncomprehending. The mere fact she turns the compliments down makes her even more attractive, if that's even possible. So to summarize, Jessica is an angel and a modern-day princess, and any man and any man to be in her life should be extremely lucky.

SPEAKER_02 40:52

Wow. Okay, we ended that on a great note. I feel so much better.

SPEAKER_01 41:02

That is not the case. She is faithful as a puppy. She can be a little crazy at times, but also wise and typically more intelligent than she puts off.

SPEAKER_02 41:11

Wow. I definitely agree with the compliment thing when I get compliments. I'm like, duh.

SPEAKER_01 41:19

This one says she's quiet around people she doesn't know. Wrong.

SPEAKER_02 41:22

Yeah, that's at me. What's yours say?

SPEAKER_01 41:26

Fuck.

SPEAKER_02 41:27

Please read it.

SPEAKER_01 41:28

There's not many Ashis in the world, so whoever created this one.

SPEAKER_02 41:31

Do your real name. I'm like your government born name. And then you have to tell the audience what it is.

SPEAKER_01 41:41

Ew, there's one, and it has to do with Harry Styles. It says, super cool and awesome. She's also really pretty. Blank is also Harry Styles' number one fan. Argue with a ball. She's just honestly the best person you can meet. So I'm going back to Ashi.

SPEAKER_02 41:55

Okay. That's gay. I was gay, but that was spot on. Minus the Harry Styles thing.

SPEAKER_01 42:02

It says Ashi, a kind girl that is very nice and loves to read. She loves animals and wishes to always be around them. Most girls named Ashi are very pretty as well. Do not underestimate her. She can be very strong too. Her I just read her friends love her a lot and she has a pure heart. I just read another one. An Ashi is beautiful, smart, and hot, often brown.

unknown 42:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 42:35

Brown. And then at the end it says, An Ashi would be generally paired up with a brown Justin. That's odd. Oh my god. It says Ashi is the potato god. What the fuck? A potato god. Oh my god. This is Ashi, someone who loves to vape and never finish conversation without winning. Shut the fuck up it says that.

SPEAKER_02 43:03

Oh my god. What the fuck? That's spot the fuck out.

SPEAKER_01 43:07

Who the fuck is Jeffrey Fish and why is he clocking me?

SPEAKER_02 43:10

Oh my god. That's fucking hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 43:16

Most Ashis are meant for brown guys tall and handsome. She has many admirers falling for her, but most of the time she doesn't know that. She is shy on the outside, but when you get to know her, she's outgoing, fun, and lovely. This is that's accurate. Do I have large expressive eyes?

SPEAKER_00 43:33

Yes. Really? Yes. I don't have big eyes.

SPEAKER_02 43:36

You have big, beautiful brown eyes, and they're very expressive. Oh really? Yeah. What's your favorite one that I do? Exactly. No, this one.

SPEAKER_01 43:48

That's my favorite face you make ever. It says keep her close to you because you lose her once, you lose her forever. I believe that.

SPEAKER_02 43:56

Sort of.

SPEAKER_01 43:58

Kind of. Let's go back to Jessica's, see if I can find any more good ones in here.

SPEAKER_02 44:04

Oh my god, I love that one. We ended that on a really good note after gagging, almost vomiting.

SPEAKER_01 44:18

Oh, there we go. She's like a tiger. Majestic, graceful. Ooh. Thank you.

unknown 44:24

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 44:27

I have to scroll all the way down because a fucking pop-up just came up. That made me want to die. A common name for 80s babies. Also an extremely sexy and intelligent female. A goddess, if you will.

SPEAKER_02 44:40

Okay, Urban Dictionary has my fucking vote.

SPEAKER_01 44:43

Yeah, Urban Dictionary told me I'm a fucking vape artist. That's brown.

SPEAKER_02 44:50

This is so fucked. I'll put one in there to describe you to a T.

SPEAKER_01 44:58

Oh my god, here we go. Jessica. This bitch is the dopest, most savage, and most gorgeous person that you will ever see. She's just like the one person you can't touch. Like if one hoe try to touch her, she will literally murder you. Oh, and then I mentioned she's fantastic in bed and an amazing kisser. She's just like superwoman. Any dude would be lucky to even get a look at her. Tongue emoji.

SPEAKER_02 45:21

Oh my god. That's fucking hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 45:29

I like that one. I like whoever wrote that. That was hilarious.

SPEAKER_00 45:33

That's fucking awesome.

SPEAKER_01 45:35

Oh my god, here we go. Jessica is an amazing person who has a sexy appearance as well, has personality. Everywhere she goes, the boys can't help but to get a boner. She may be mad at you, but she can never stay mad at you unless you are a son of a cunt. Oh my god. She has big tits and backs bum.

SPEAKER_02 45:57

Okay, I have that part, but not the big tits part.

SPEAKER_01 46:01

That was odd. Yeah, that was glorious. Son of a cunt. I'm gonna use that. I really like that. What the freak?

SPEAKER_00 46:08

Oh my god. This is fucking hilarious. What the fuck? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 46:25

I love this.

SPEAKER_01 46:27

Oh my god, this one says evil and a pain and loves to hit people in the mouth. Not a good name for a cute puppy.

unknown 46:34

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 46:37

Okay, well that must have been the bad egg of the Jessica's.

SPEAKER_01 46:42

Yeah, these are yours are all pretty good.

SPEAKER_00 46:44

What the fuck? Who the hell but vapes? Me. I know. It's not like me. You don't vape at all. I know this is fucked. I can't believe people would just say that about me.

SPEAKER_01 47:03

Why am I brown in every single situation?

SPEAKER_02 47:06

I don't know. I've never heard of somebody named Ashi until you, so yeah, me neither.

SPEAKER_01 47:12

I was named after Takashi69. Do you know how that is? Yeah. What do you think about him? I don't know. Do you want to sing one of his songs with me?

SPEAKER_02 47:28

No. What's the name of that one song? Um it's like his most popular song.

SPEAKER_01 47:34

The one with Nikumina? Yeah. Fifi.

SPEAKER_02 47:37

Is that what it's called? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:43

You know why Kenzie's name My Phone is Billy? Did you ever see that? That her name My Phone is Billy? No. Oh. Well, every time comes in my office and I'm talking to Kenzie on the phone, he always thinks I'm talking to Billy from work. Oh my god. And I'm like, no, this is this is my friend McKenzie. But I call her Billy because it's one of Six Nine songs. Oh, that's Billy.

SPEAKER_02 48:06

So yeah. That's cute. Yeah, I've never seen that. That you have her on your phone as Billy.

SPEAKER_01 48:14

Yeah, Billy. There's not a lot of people with their actual names in my phone.

unknown 48:21

Huh?

SPEAKER_01 48:22

My sister doesn't have. Do you have like funny like contact names or no?

SPEAKER_02 48:25

Some of them. I mean, you or my phone is my sexy baby.

SPEAKER_01 48:28

Fuck yes, baby.

SPEAKER_02 48:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:35

So yeah, if you guys want to try out any of those cool sex terms, let me know how it goes. If you want to take a video and send it our way, that would be great.

SPEAKER_02 48:43

She can do the research on that.

SPEAKER_01 48:45

I kind of really want to see the docking.

SPEAKER_02 48:48

Oh, she really wants to try this one.

SPEAKER_01 48:52

Um, I can't. It wasn't blessed.

SPEAKER_02 48:54

Um, but if you want to send it my way, if you have a colostomy hole, she'd like to try that too. Her strap on.

SPEAKER_01 49:05

I feel like I want to get the sensation. I just want to know if like people actually do that.

SPEAKER_02 49:09

You're making my eyes twitch.

SPEAKER_01 49:11

I'm like, or if anybody has a spare traffic cone, Jess is willing to borrow it. She can rent it for a couple dollars, you know.

SPEAKER_00 49:19

Fuck off.

SPEAKER_01 49:21

I can steal one on the side of the road. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:26

Just in case you uh okay. Well, thanks for listening to this out-of-pocket fucking episode that made me highly uncomfortable for the record and gag.

SPEAKER_01 49:38

I thought it was funny.

SPEAKER_00 49:41

I hope everyone else does too. At my expense. At Jessica's expense. Okay, it's a wrap. It's a wrap, baby.

SPEAKER_01 49:54

Just a reminder this podcast is for entertainment purposes only. We are not licensed therapists, dating coaches, or role models. We're just two co workers with microphones and opinions.

unknown 50:03

Perfect. Yeah.