An Honest Question

Join Adia and Elisha in the first episode of Inherited Stories as they unpack the real-life moments that sparked one honest question—one that ultimately became the inspiration behind this podcast. Through candid reflection and conversation, they invite you into the experiences that led them here and set the stage for the conversations to come.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:05

Welcome everybody to our first ever episode of Inherited Stories Conscious Futures. I am Adia. And I am Elisha. We're your co-host. We're so happy to do this and be here and bring what we feel like has been, at least in the way that we hope to do it, a long overdue type of uh platform for this topic of racism, the way that we experience it in this country, right? So kind of to get us started, I'm gonna I want to give you guys some context on where this came to be. Because, like, let's just be real. Uh, when you talk about racism, people be like, you want, ooh, you're gonna talk about that. You know what I mean? Like, it's kind of scary, right?

SPEAKER_00 0:53

That's so real.

SPEAKER_02 0:54

So let me make some context or give some context so that we can, you know, start this journey together. So in 2020, when the world was a dumpster fire, is kind of the best way to put it, right? Um, I don't know if the world's not a dumpster fire anymore or a different type, whatever. The world was a dumpster fire, unlike any that I think the majority of us in our age group had ever experienced personally, right? Not read about, but experienced personally. And we're all pandemic is in full swing, we're all at home, working from home for the, you know, that was my situation. Kids are going to school from home. Things are frustrating. Like, it was a lot, right? Like, and I love my family, but it was a lot, right? And there was a lot happening, and so you couldn't really get away because the world was closed. And so you're just watching what's being fed to you through socials, through TV, and it's and it's loud and it's constant, and it is a lot. And it was right around the time that um George Floyd was murdered. And I remember sitting watching all of the social unrest, watching the riots, watching the people being interviewed, talking about kind of their their stance on basically like enough is enough, and I'm fed up, right? Um, and I just really a question came to me, and it was just simply like we're all watching this, but I'm listening to all this different dialogue, and it's not the same.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

Right.

SPEAKER_02 2:49

It was the weirdest thing, and it was frustrating for me personally, but the type of person that I am is I don't tend to sit with anything. I ask a lot of questions.

SPEAKER_00 3:00

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_02 3:02

It is true. That felt like a loaded, that's true, but that's fine. And so to fast forward for the sake of explanation, um, the question was just it sparked me, it sparked writing a book that I wrote um shortly during the pandemic, which is called Why Don't You See What I See? Breaking the Cycle of Systemic Racism.

SPEAKER_00 3:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:27

And you look like you're about to.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

What I like is the question.

SPEAKER_02 3:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

I like the question. I like what you did with the book. You can get into that a little if you'd like, but just because it exposes a deeper question, right?

SPEAKER_02 3:41

I agree, but what I'm be interested to know what you think it exposes.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

I think it is it is what this podcast springboards off of. Okay. And the question is with the question housed within why don't you see what I see? Is what do you see? Absolutely. Yes. You know, yes. Um, and and I like how you how you put it together in your book. Um, but I also like how we've decided to use this platform to air that question out.

SPEAKER_02 4:15

Because, yes, thanks for saying that. And thanks for saying that you like what I did with the book. And just a shameless plug, really click. You know what? It's funny because it's right here. In case you're interested, it's a quick, easy read, right? You see this, it's not long, it's not thick. Why don't you see what I see? It's available on um Amazon. So, you know, if you need something to read quickly, yeah, you can do that anyway. But yes, that is exactly the point because it was really serious for me in that moment, like in a in a non-judgmental fashion, because I did have some opinions about what was what I was seeing. I did have a lot of feelings of frustration and full transparency about what I was seeing and how anybody could possibly think that this was not a man murdered in the street, right? But at the same time, in my questions, I'm like, but I think in the same like uh intensity that I felt, I noticed the same intensity, right? That was coming from the perspective that was one that I just didn't share, nor did I understand in that moment. And so it led me on this path that really led to some the work that I'm now doing in understanding all of us have very um automated ways of thinking as as um as humans. And there is like biological, uh, physiological backed um explanation as to why, and yet the very same physiological explanation as to why we're all automated in this way looks very different because of the way that we all um what do I want to say?

SPEAKER_00 6:05

What we bring to our experiences.

SPEAKER_02 6:07

Absolutely. Our our lived experiences are all different, yeah. And so it it really got me to thinking, and I and I just I wanted to the point of this podcast, this is what we intend to try to do in every episode is take the things that are like that. That was a hard thing, right? Like we were all looking at it and so frustrated. But how do you begin to um unpack that with someone who has an opposing view from you in a productive way? Um, and that's really what I think we want to do here because we all are thinking a thing. Like, what did I say to you before? We often are like, what's wrong with you? But we say it in a way that's really not a question, it's a judgment.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm just letting you know that there's something wrong.

SPEAKER_02 6:59

Yeah, but I use terminology with um a tone in my voice to tell you that it was a question, but it's not, and I think um that's a huge barrier for us.

SPEAKER_00 7:11

What I what I feel like I like about what we're trying to do here is it's it's kind of uh an exploration of sorts.

SPEAKER_01 7:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

Where we're asking each other, well, what do you see? And we're also asking, trying to examine what are the possibilities of other perspectives.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

What is it that they could be seeing? Yeah. Why would they think and say this? Yeah. Not not the what's wrong with you, why do you think that?

SPEAKER_01 7:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

But the, no, seriously. Right. Why do you think that?

SPEAKER_02 7:46

Because what's wrong with you in the judgmental way, non-question way, really is um, it's definitive. It's decided. Um, and whether we realize it or not, we've told our brain we've made a decision, and so we've closed off really the opportunity for growth. And and to be able to hear the answer to the quote-unquote question that we really wasn't asking.

SPEAKER_00 8:12

Right, right. Um, go ahead, I'm sorry. So we can keep rolling on that that's so um one of the things that I think is I'm finding through you know our conversations. So a lot of these conversations are gonna be stuff that her and I, we just talk about because we have these conversations all the time. Absolutely. But a lot of things that I'm finding, uh, one of the things that I'm finding is that it's difficult to detach your emotion from whatever it is that we're trying to be curious about. Like even when you were talking about when all of this is happening, you know, you use words like frustration, you know, and those are real things.

SPEAKER_02 9:00

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

But if we are focused on trying to understand, yeah, sometimes there's a need to almost pause the emotion. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 9:14

And I think that is a really um That seems kind of like that's like a mature stance that many of us don't have. Hey, my name's Adia. I usually don't have it. Know that I don't have it though, so I'm really working on it. Um, we don't like because I will say in that moment, it um, you know, the moment that was that sparked all of this, like it was lit, I I didn't see it coming, and I didn't even really have real explanation as to explain why. But like there were literal tears, like actual sobbing. Someone had called on the phone, and while I happened to be watching, you know, all that was happening and we're talking, and then in the conversation, like tears, and I and that's how I knew I was like, oh, there's more, there's a lot happening in here, and I didn't even know it was there. And so, to that point of um, if that's what's happening to me, um, and granted, this is my perspective, the same way that it felt like, but there is another perspective here that quite frankly I do not understand.

SPEAKER_00 10:15

Multiple perspectives, right?

SPEAKER_02 10:17

For sure, but it seems equally as weighted. Um on the other side of the conversation, absolutely, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:25

Like they heels dug in on where they feel, what they think, and how they feel about it.

SPEAKER_02 10:30

Absolutely, as I was am sometimes. Um, and I think sometimes it takes us being able to know that it's okay to let two things exist at the same time. Like, if what I want to do is understand, I have to be able to come to you honestly um and say this and know that I can say that, yeah, and that's not going to, you know, like shift the conversation from the question that I'm actually asking. Like, I think we have to be able to be authentically true to what's happening while at the same time um it's true that I am trying to understand. Like two things can exist, and I think both of those, um, for me and that kind of start of the journey, they were existing.

SPEAKER_01 11:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:31

Um, and I think at this point, kind of as I've begun to make it a practice, they do exist. Um, and I'm finding that that is the thing that's helping me not necessarily agree, but genuinely begin to understand. Um, and I feel like that's what I want for us as people, right? Because I don't think with this topic of racism that none of us created, that we all live in, that I'm sure as this show goes on, we'll we'll dig into more and more of how and why and whatever from from what we all experience. But I think that's not like we get caught up in how the things that are happening. Um, and sometimes if what we're saying is we want to make change, we gotta come down a little bit to the rational mind, I think, to be able to, like I said, let the two things exist, but let kind of that um rational thought lead.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

And I think that is curiosity. That's kind of where um I think we'll we'll kind of get into that maybe in later episodes, because like you said, the two things can be true, but alongside them being true, there's a presentation and there is a there is a real life application to what it looks like to be exhausted and frustrated and still honest and respectful. Absolutely, you know, absolutely because sometimes I I know that there are people, present company included, myself. I can only speak for me on this one, but like sometimes it's no, I'm uh I'm I'm with I'm with all of the drama today. I want the smoke because I'm upset.

SPEAKER_02 13:25

Yeah, you know, yeah, and I think being able to say that to a person in the moment almost helps you. It's kind of like how people talk about like write it out, like get it out, because at least it exists somewhere. Get it out. I need to be able to say that because otherwise this feels really disingenuous, disingenuous, inauthentic, you know, fake to live and process through any other way. Like I tell my kids a lot of times when you know, y'all see the little things on socials talking about the mom crash outs, but it's like, but I done said this nice five times. Like man, like so, so what I do now with my kids is so hey, I need you to understand something. Like, because this is me trying to communicate to you what's actually happening in here. I'm about to wring your neck.

SPEAKER_00 14:12

Metaphorically speaking, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 14:14

I'm not, you know, but I need you to get that and then try to give it to them in the way that they can understand. Like, so if somebody keeps knocking you down the steps every day, every day, are you responding in the same like, oh, it's okay. And I think that's what a lot of what I began to understand was what I was feeling. Like, you don't know how much you're taking, like to that point. Like, you push me down, I fell down, and it's like, oh, you didn't mean it. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, it's fine. Don't worry about it. Tomorrow you push me down again, and then it's like, oh, oh, I'm sorry. Okay, no worries. I try to move and get out your way. You still push me down. Like, I think that was what was happening for me in that moment, and in what's in our body will eventually come out. Like the body keeps score, like you hear people say that. I think that's so true. And I think for all of us, though, back to that point, whatever is in here, it's in here. Just like whatever's in someone else and how they have internalized or processed, it's in there. And I think we gotta be able to figure out how to be um open to nobody's discounting your position just to hear another position openly.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

Yeah, yeah. Um, I think as we move through, like these are some foundational things for the podcast. So the ways that we intend to approach and talk about uh some of these things related to racism, uh, the foundation is why don't you see what I see? And also what do you see and leave room for that. And so as we move through the podcast when you all go out and have the conversations because you listen to this podcast, if foundationally we can start with, hey, what did you see? I already know what I think. I may disagree, I may think it's ridiculous, um, but to leave space for honest curious, curious um inquisition. Yeah, what did you see? Yeah, because the way you're acting looks ridiculous to me. But I know I'm missing something. And and so one of the things that stands out in in this types of these types of conversation is I've met and have been acquainted with people who I would say you're intelligent. But the way you're acting seems like you turned your intelligence off. And it's like, well, wait, uh maybe that's how they see me. Right. So I would want someone to give me the courtesy of, hey, what did you see? Because I know that you're not stupid. I know that you can think.

SPEAKER_02 17:18

Or at least I choose to believe that you're not. It's helpful for all involved. So let me just ask. Yeah, what did you see? Some of the the in the work that I do, two of the things are kind of like disruption tools that I that I choose to use. And it's that, like kind of anchored in the questions, what am I missing? And what if it was me? are two key ones. Because I think when we learn to approach situations regarding difference, especially racial difference, from the the framework, the foundational framework that I don't know everything. I don't, there will never be a time that any human being has all knowledge, all perspective, all-encompassing context for any circumstance or person. And so approaching these situations with what am I missing is, I think, key, as well as what if it was me? Because I think we view ourselves in context, understanding why we think what we think, and don't bother to give other people the same grace. And so already when we don't approach the situations that way, we've probably close to failed. Um, so that's kind of the framework that we intend to bring, all the things that um race and racism related. Like it's okay to talk about it, it exists, right? And we're all in varying different ways being impacted by it. So let's just talk about it. And with that, hopefully, this week, um as you've listened, you'll share this. And it can be the catalyst for the jump starting conversation in something that you heard maybe that resonated. It was like, yeah, because that's something similar like that happened to me. Utilize this. Hopefully, it's something that you've heard that can start that conversation in your own sphere.

SPEAKER_00 19:25

Right. Practical application. You got a friend that's in a different space than you, but you're curious, send him this and have the conversation. Send her this, have the conversation. That way it's not you starting the conversation, use us.

SPEAKER_02 19:42

Absolutely. It's kind of like you tell your kids like, no, you can't go. Well, what am I gonna say? Tell them my mom said I can't go. You can use us. It's on us. You can use us. Like, hey, I checked out this podcast and they're talking about some stuff. Talk about that. Tell me what you think. Absolutely, absolutely, and we can't wait to see you next time.