021: Who You Had to Be vs. Who You Actually Are Now

Episode Summary

In this episode, Fredricka Davis explores the powerful shift between who you had to be to navigate past seasons of life and who you are becoming now. If you’ve been feeling disconnected, tired, or “off” despite doing everything right, this episode will help you understand why...and how to move forward.

Key Insights

•  Identity patterns built in survival seasons don’t always serve you long-term 
•  Strength can become exhaustion when carried too long 
•  Reinvention is about release and realignment-not starting over 
•  Growth requires allowing yourself to evolve beyond old roles 

Reflection Question

What version of you are you still trying to be… that you’ve already outgrown?

Invitation

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:21

Hello, and welcome back to the Limitless Living Podcast. I'm your host, Frederica Davis, wellness expert, entrepreneur, and creator of the Reset Method. Today is Reinvention Saturday. This is where we talk about passion and purpose and alignment and the courage it takes to create the next chapter of your life. If you have ever felt like you've outgrown your life, this episode is for you. So maybe this sounds familiar to you. Maybe you've been the strong one for a long time, the responsible one, or the one that people rely on. You handle the things, you figure things out, you keep moving forward and you keep everything around you going. You're juggling things all the time. People are turning to you when they need things. You are that person. And for a long time, this has likely worked for you, and you've probably even worked well with this scenario. But now, maybe something just doesn't feel the same anymore. Not necessarily wrong, just not quite right either. So I had a client recently come in, and she was just not feeling happy, and she knew she needed a change, and she just wasn't quite sure what yet. And what she really said stuck with me. She said, I don't understand what is wrong with me. Nothing in my life is actually bad. I'm just not feeling like I'm satisfied anymore. I don't feel like myself. I feel like there is there has to be something more. And I feel even a little bit guilty about not being satisfied with what my life has already. So as we kept talking, it became very clear she had built her entire life around being the one who holds everything together. At work, she was the person who, you know, everybody turned to. In her family, she was the backbone. And even, you know, for extended family and friends, she was the person, the one you you always turn to. So, you know, of course, being the strong one and the reliable one and the and the responsible one, and the one who always showed up and likely had the answers. And for a long time, this worked. But then eventually it was exhausting and draining, and it no longer felt like it fit, even though it felt like an obligation. So she was honestly even proud of being this person as she should be in many, many ways. The more we talked, you know, the more we've kind of figured out that the level at which she was carrying it all just was not working anymore. So we dug a little deeper and she started feeling, you know, she started talking about feeling disconnected. Does any of this ring true? You know, if you've feeling disconnected sometimes can be just a simple moment in our lives where we realize that we're tired in a way that rest is no longer fixing. And this was something she talked about. She said, you know, I get a good night's sleep and I have, I exercise, and I do this and I do that. And I just never quite seem rested. I never have the zest for life I normally used to have. And I don't know, I'm just feeling frustrated. These were the things that she was telling me. So, you know, on all accounts, everything in her world still looked really fine and for many people would have been perfect. Yet she kept trying to fix it in the same way, make changes and figure out what should be next for her. Doing this in the same kind of way that she always had, by, of course, adding in more things, pushing a little bit harder, or being more disciplined, or getting herself back on track when she was having these feelings and discounting them, explaining them away. But what she was going through and what she was trying to do to address it was no longer working. And as we talked some more, we kind of figured out that we figured out that the reason was really simple. She wasn't struggling because she was doing anything wrong or she had a life that she didn't want. She was struggling because she was still trying to be the version of herself that she had now outgrown. That version of herself served her well to get where she was at and to have what she had. But she had she had come to a point where she had outgrown that. She didn't have to continue to carry everything the same way that she was already doing it and that she had been doing it for so long. And once we started figuring that out, everything started to make a lot more sense. So this is where I see a lot of women get stuck. They don't realize that the feelings they have are signs there might be a level of growth that is taking place or has taken place, that is leading them to their next self. And that they need to embrace that and be open to that versus holding on to the to the same habits, the same identity, the same self that they've been used to that got them to where they are. So they're still operating from an identity that no longer fits, is basically what's going on. So there's three truths about who you had to be versus who you are now. And who you had to be was built for a season. So who you were, even who you have come into and are now, may have very well built for a been built for a season, but not for your forever. That version of you, she was necessary. She helped you get through hard seasons, manage everything, take care of people, build your life. But these survival versions of you, they are not meant to be permanent identities. And, you know, how often have you had somebody say to you, or have you heard somebody say it, or maybe you've said it to somebody else, like, you know, you're a survivor, like it's a badge of honor. And it is a badge of honor. However, it's an identity that doesn't have to be permanent. Think about that. When you keep operating from a survival version of whatever identity that you have in yourself all the time, always, that's where the things in your life, the things that you go through each day, your thoughts, your mind, your body starts to feel really heavy. Now, number two of this is what once made you strong can start to feel like a heavy burden. It's not uncommon. And it's not something to feel bad about. The same traits that helped you succeed, such as always being the one people relied on, or always being the one to push through no matter what was going on, and no matter how hard things were or how tired you want, being the one, you know, tired you were, being the one holding everything together, that eventually likely has become exhausting. Now, you know, none of these are bad traits. These are fantastic traits, actually. They'll carry us through a lot of hard times in life and out of a lot of darker places. But when they become who we are and how we operate, they become very draining. And if you are evolving from one season to the next, you're outgrowing them. Because you're no longer in that season and you're forcing yourself to operate like you are. And that is what creates the burnout. So, number three with this reinvention. It is not about becoming someone new, it's more about releasing what no longer fits. You don't need to burn your whole world down. You don't, you don't need to, you know, have this complete change and overhaul. You don't even need to become a different person. This is not what this is about. What you need to do is actually release the version of you that was built out of pressure or out of survival or expectation, and then start reconnecting with what actually supports you now, what feels aligned to you now, what lights you up now, what feels sustainable now? That's a biggie. This is what reinvention really looks like. So I want to give you some takeaways here, and and I want to bring this into your real life. So, number one, I want you to notice where you are operating from a habit instead of alignment with yourself. And you can ask yourself this Am I doing this because it still fits or because it's who I've always been? Number two, identify one area that feels heavier than it should. Now that heaviness is usually a sign. It's a sign you're carrying something the way that you used to, but maybe not now the way you need to. Number three, make one small shift this week. Not any kind of a big overhaul, just one small shift. Maybe that will look like not overcommitting, or not automatically saying yes, or not pushing through your exhaustion, or not taking responsibility for everything and everyone. This is where reinvention can begin. You have to give it the room it needs to begin. So here's your question for the week. And I want you to sit with this. What version? This is for you to ask yourself, what version of me am I still trying to be that I have already outgrown? Now, if this conversation resonates with you, come join us in the Limitless Living Community. This is exactly what we're talking about inside that space. Real conversations, real shifts, and real support as you move into your next chapter. And if it spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it. And if you haven't already, leaving a review helps more women find this message and this space. Sometimes the version of you that carried you through is not the version that will carry you forward. I'm gonna repeat that one. Let that really land and think about that. Sometimes the version of you that carried you through, got you to here, is not the version that will carry you forward. And recognizing that and recognizing that is where reinvention begins. See you in the next episode.