027: It’s Not Too Late-But Here’s Why It Feels That Way

Episode Summary
If you’ve ever felt like it’s too late to change your life, this episode will challenge that belief at its core. Fredricka Davis breaks down the real reason this thought shows up ...and why it has nothing to do with your actual timeline.

Key Insights

•  “It’s too late” is often rooted in comparison and fear 
•  Identity lag makes growth feel uncomfortable 
•  Most limiting beliefs feel true because they’re familiar 
•  Awareness is the beginning-not the end 

Reflection Question
What would I do… if I didn’t believe it was too late?

Next Step
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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:21

Hello, and welcome back to the Limitless Living Podcast. I'm your host, Frederica Davis, wellness expert, entrepreneur, and creator of the Limitless Reset Method. Today is Reinvention Saturday. This is where we get to talk about purpose and alignment and the courage that it takes to create the next chapter in your life. So if you have ever thought to yourself, okay, I wish I would have done this sooner, but it's too late to start now. Or maybe I should have done this years ago. Or there's not enough years in my life that for me to, you know, make this worth starting. Or it's too late for me to change now. I'm too set in my ways now. I mean, there the this list can go on and on. You get the picture. Then we need to talk about that because that thought, any one of those thoughts, right there, those types of thoughts have stopped more women in their tracks than almost anything else. That that cliched old saying of what you think about, you bring about is absolutely true because whatever goes through our brains is what we start to believe. And what we start to believe is what we start to manifest. So that is a crucial piece of this. Now, it doesn't always sound that dramatic. Sometimes it's really a whole lot quieter. And it'll be more like the thought, oh, I don't have time anymore to start that or finish that. Or I should have figured this out already. Or I'm just past the point of learning something new, like I would have to to do this, or I wouldn't even know where to start, or it's just probably too late anyway. All those types of things are very self-destructive and self-defeating. So instead of moving forward, you then pause and you stay exactly where you are. Now that I'm betting is not because you want to, but it's because it feels safer than risking the alternative and trying and maybe failing, or what if you succeeded? So uh I had a client come in, you know, recently, and we were talking, we were unpacking what was going on for her. And again, these are things I hear all the time. And she was telling me, you know, I just feel like I'm waking up to what I really want, but I also feel like I am so far behind that it's almost too late to do anything about what I really want. And it's got me crippled. I don't know, I want to move forward, but I just feel like it's just too late. So that right there is where so many people get stuck because clarity finally shows up. And sometimes it takes us decades for us to really know who we are, what we do want, what we don't want. And we finally get to that place where we feel like I'm crystal clear now. This is what I really want. And then right there, instead of excitement, we follow it immediately by doubt. And, you know, she started listing all the reasons to me of why it was too late. When I asked her, I said, Well, why do you feel like it's too late? And of course, it was her age. You know, I'm 53 years old. I feel like, you know, why in the world would I change careers now? I know a lot of people are doing it, but it just seems like such an insurmountable task. And she had responsibilities. She says, I have so many responsibilities that I don't know how I would handle those and do this at the same time. Then it was, I'm afraid it'll take too long because really, how many more years do I have to be working? She had already just signed herself up for being over the hill. And, you know, when we're in our 50s, even our 60s, even our 70s, we are not over the hill, ladies. It is just not the reality, especially in today's world. So, you know, we started, you know, again, talking about all of these things. And, you know, one of them was, what are people going to think? You know, I've I've been this person, actually, she's she's been a um uh physician's assistant all these years in the medical field. And what she wants to do is drastically different than that. And she's like, what in the world will they think when I want to start a business up as a personal concierge assistant service? And that's what she wanted to do. So totally different type of thinking and more associated in her mind and many other people's minds too, with being more of a um, less of a, let's say not more of, but less of a professional, so to speak, and and definitely more risky. And what of what about all the risks? And what about how long it'll take? And what about this and what about that? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We went over all of these different things, right? The bottom line for her was that she had all these great skills. She had taken inventory of what she could do and looked at how it could translate into something that she could do for herself while she was serving others because she really loved serving others, but she was burnt out and sick of the medical field and how it treats symptoms instead of wellness. And she had all these great other skills and she was passionate and a natural organizer and all these different things. She thought, I could totally do this. I could do it on the schedule I want to do it on, and I could really be helping people and I could help small businesses. And of course, I sat right there as a small business owner and said, wow, I'll sign up, I'll be your first client. So could she actually make this transition? Absolutely. Absolutely. But in her mind, she was kind of cutting herself off by thinking, oh, I'm a little too old already, or I have too many responsibilities. What if this doesn't work out? How long is this going to take? What are people gonna think? All of those things that I was saying that were coming out of her mouth. And underneath it all was really the belief that besides insecurities, okay, we all have insecurities, but she really had this strong belief that somehow she had missed her window. And what she would have to work through wasn't necessarily in her capability. Now, it was not an intelligence problem. And it really, as we started to, you know, unpack things a little bit more, it really wasn't a circumstances problem. It was the story for her that she was telling herself about what was still possible. So, does this hit home for you? Do you have a story that you are telling yourself? Maybe you have something that you wish you had done, wish you could do, would like to do, been toying around. Maybe it's an idea that keeps popping up in your head. And it could be a trip you want to take, it could be a move you want to make, it could be a change in a relationship, it could be a change in a career, this could be any of these things. Changing your your health, uh, whatever it is, and you're feeling and telling yourself that it's too late. So this is the part that so many people get stuck in, and they just don't realize that it's almost always not that you don't have enough time, it's that your brain is is trying to protect you from the discomfort of the change. I'm gonna say that again. It's almost always not that you don't have enough time. It is that your brain is trying to protect you from the discomfort of the potential change. Remember, change is uncomfortable. Your brain, your nervous system, they try to protect you and keep you unsafe. And they will do that even to the point of keeping you the same or in a situation that's not good for you because it's less scary than the unknown from the change. It's crazy how it works, but it's it's a self-preservation uh act on your brain and your nervous system's part. So it doesn't, it does this by convincing you and telling you things like it's too late. So let's talk about the four top beliefs that I see making it feel like it's too late for everybody that I talk to when I'm I'm with my clients, friends, you know, families, and so on. Okay, so let's talk about the beliefs. I just want to give you the top four beliefs that make it feel to you like it's too late and they potentially stop you in your tracks when maybe it's not the reality of things. So, number one is that thought that it's too late. This one feels really real. I don't care whether you're, you know, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80. I don't care. That feeling of it being too late. For some women, it's in their 30s or 40s, you know, about getting married or having kids. It's not, ladies, I'm proof positive. And I could go into many examples. And it can be career things. It can be um, you know, it that feeling like it's too late to correct my health or improve my health. I've gotten so far down the wrong road. Though all those types of things, it's that baseline belief of it's too late. And most of the time, this is actually rooted in comparison. If you're feeling like it's too late, you're comparing, you're measuring the beginning of what it is you want to do against someone else's middle or someone else's end of what they've already done. Make sense? Or you're looking back and you're thinking to yourself, okay, I should have started sooner. I just should have started sooner. That's how it is. But I want to ground that one and dispel that one for a second here. Most of you listening are probably going to know the designer Vera Wang. She has been a runway top fashion designer for many years. And uh maybe, you know, maybe 20 years that I can think of off the top of my head. Uh, 25 years at this point. And she started out, you know, very exclusive. And then her clothing started to show up in Kohl's. You may have seen her coal, she's she's got handbags and clothes and coals, right? She did not even start designing her clothes until she was 40. Think about that. Before that, she had completely different careers. So let me give you another example. Those of us of a certain age, especially, will know the story, the cooking, the show, the sound of her voice, maybe even of Julia Child. She did not publish her first cookbook until she was 49. She started cooking and getting serious about it then. She became literally, arguably, the most recognized names in cooking. Definitely the most of her time while she had her TV show and all of her books. And of course, since then, she paved the way actually for the cooking shows, quite frankly, that we all have now on all of our cable channels. But she did not take a chance and publish her recipes until she was 49 years old. That's pretty much 50, ladies. Okay, I've got one more for you. How about Grandma Moses? She is a renowned artist. For anyone listening who may not know Grandma Moses, go ahead and look her up. She did not even pick up a paintbrush and start painting until she was in her late 70s. 70s, ladies, she is one of the most famous artists. Her works have been seen all over the world. So when your brain says to you, it's too late, it's just too late now. I should have done this sooner. What it's really saying is this is unfamiliar. It's scary. And I don't know how to do it yet. So it's my job to make sure that I keep you safe. So even though you're not happy right now, even though you want more, even though whatever the reasons and the things are that are going on for you, your brain and your nervous system are thinking, no, we're going to keep you the same because it's predictable. Okay. Now, number two in the beliefs. I don't have what it takes. This is a belief that can be at any age, of course, but this is what I call an identity lag more than anything. So your mind is still identifying you as who you have been. And it's still thinking, okay, this is who you have been. It's still identifying and believing that's who you are. And it's not identifying, it's not thinking about who you are becoming. You might be thinking, you might be wishing to become this person, but your belief, your brain hasn't caught up with the belief that you are becoming this person. So when you think about doing something new, it feels very out of character to your brain, to your nervous system. It's not because you can't do it, it's because you haven't caught up in your your sense of identity to that version of yourself yet. Now, even someone like Ariana Huffington, she launched the Huffington Post at the age of 55. This was not her first chapter, this was an entire reinvention for her. And she again, one of the world's most powerful, influential, respected women on the planet. So let's go into belief number three. It's too hard. Okay, now let's be honest. Life is hard. Some things are hard, they just are. But most of the time, this isn't about difficulty. It's more about unfamiliarity. Your brain prefers what it already knows. And let's also be honest that if you things are too easy, there's probably no growth happening. I would love this to not be the truth and the case, honestly, but the truth of the matter is that we grow when things are uncomfortable. We grow and expand when things are usually a little hard. It's just a fact. If it's too easy, if things are handed to you, you're not growing as much as if you had to go through some of that uncomfortable and hard stuff because that's where the real growth begins. Again, your brain prefers what it already knows. Even if it's not working, that is what it will still prefer. So it will label everything new as too hard. When really it just means this is new. I don't feel comfortable in this yet. And it's a little uncomfortable. That's what it really means. That's it. Simple. Now the fourth one is the belief of, and this is really kind of a thought that leads into more of a belief. And it's what if this doesn't work? This is one that really quietly stops everything. And the the same token, what if it does work can stop people because they fear the change that can come from that. But the what if it doesn't work is something that stops you because it's not just about failure. It's about you feeling like you've wasted your time, like you've wasted your effort, like you're starting and maybe you didn't finish, or maybe you're gonna look foolish, or maybe people aren't gonna look at you it the same the same way that they once did, or they're not gonna respect you the same way, or they're going to mock you or whatever, what other people think. And it's it's about proving yourself wrong. So instead of this, you just don't start. And that feels safer in the moment, but it keeps you stuck. So I want to clarify that you are absolutely not behind. You're just becoming aware right now. And those are two completely different things because you can't act on something you weren't aware of before. So I've got another little bonus for you, too. If you've had the thought to go through your head about, oh, this only works for other people, you know, she can do that because she's this, or he can do that because he's that. I'm not that way, I'm not this way. It only works for other people, right? You get the picture. I want you to remember this person. Everybody knows Kentucky Fried Chicken, KFC. Colonel Harlan Sanders did not start the KFC business until he was in his 60s. And when he started it, it was not a franchise everywhere on the planet. It was one and then two and then three. And he grew that from his 60s on. So this is not about timing. It's about willingness. So let's circle back. Let's make this a little bit more real for you. I'm gonna give you a few actions here, a few steps. Number one, identify the thought. What is that exact thought in your head that you are telling yourself? What's that story? What's the exact thought? If it's more than one, write it down. And I don't mean the vague feeling, I mean the actual words in that thought. Is it, it's too late for me to whatever? Is it, I don't have what it takes to whatever. Whatever those thoughts are, I want you to write it down. Okay. If you've been listening to the show, you know I tell you to keep a journal and think about these things. Write them down. You're gonna really start to discover more and more and more with yourself as you listen to each episode. And number two, I want you to question the thought. So I want you to ask yourself: is this actually true? Or is this just familiar? Because most beliefs will feel true simply because you've repeated them long enough. That is the bottom line. It's simply because we have repeated them over and over and over and over and over again. And step three is I want you to replace it. And realistically, let me add that. Not with something fake or fluffy or this, as they nowadays call it toxic positivity. There's nothing wrong with positivity. However, fluffy positivity that's not believable, not real, and realistic doesn't get you anywhere. So this is what I'm talking about. I want you to replace it. I'll give you an example. So something that's grounded, something that's maybe forward moving for you. Instead of saying, I'm too late, try thinking, I'm starting from where I am, and that's enough. Or instead of I'm too late, I'm starting from where I am. And however far I go, that will be enough. I'm just gonna go. Right? Those are different. You're reframing this. I'll also add to this for me personally, having faith can play a role in this. So my personal faith, I believe in God. That's my belief. Whatever your belief system is, when you have something bigger than yourself that you lean on, you turn to, you ask for guidance, it changes how you see your life. And it changes the strength that you find within yourself because you don't feel like it's just you out there solo, hanging out to dry alone. And it becomes a lot harder to believe that you somehow missed your chance or that there isn't something still unfolding for you when you have a belief that there is a grander plan and that you are where you are meant to be in this exact moment in time, and your world is unfolding as it is meant to unfold, and you just keep. Moving forward to that. It gives you something to turn to, especially when you don't have all the answers yet. And that can really matter. So here's what I want you to sit with this week as we wrap this up. The question: what would I do if I didn't believe it was too late? Just sit with that. What would you do if you didn't believe it was too late? Or if you didn't believe you had too many responsibilities, or you didn't, whatever those beliefs are, right? What would you do? If this conversation is resonating with you and you want to go deeper, you can visit my website at fredericadavis.com, f-r-e-d-r-i-cavis.com. There's a free reset guide there, and there's more resources to help you get started. And you can also join us inside the limitless living community. That's where we get to continue these conversations, ask questions, connect with like minds. If this episode spoke with you, share it with somebody who might need to hear it. And if you haven't already done so, please leave a review. This helps other women find this show. It's not too late. You're not behind. You're just at the point where you finally really are ready to see things differently. And that is where everything can start to change. Until next time.