Nope! I do NOT have it all together

Having it all together is highly overrated.  It also can take you down spiritually!  Join Aimee Copley Mulder as she celebrates to beauty of not having it all together.  In our weakness, we get to experience God's all sufficient grace!

Transcript

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Do you have it all together? I mean, you're a mom, you're a person in the world, you're your daughter, your wife, maybe, your friend. Do you have it all together? I don't. And I never have had it all together. Is there a special pressure to have it all together for moms? Join me on all glory to God with Amy Copley Mulder, the preaching mom, who's never had it all together.

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Doesn't matter if you're rich or doesn't matter if you're young or alive. Doesn't matter if you answer the story. Give it up to God.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

And the title of the podcast episode today is Nope, I don't have it all together. I've just been thinking about this for a couple of months intensely. And I just wonder if there's just this unrealistic pressure that's in society or the world, or maybe it's within our moms and they give it to us. That as a mother, when you have a baby, you are supposed to have it all together. You're supposed to be able to figure everything out and get every keep everything working. And you know, I think men experience pressure like this. I don't know if it can be called the have it all together pressure. So I just want to say that having baby humans, having babies, having kids is an experience in humility and pressure you've never felt. And I have had this unrealistic expectation in my mind. I'm completely hard on myself. For a long time, I thought this hard on myself situation is just a journey I have to go on alone. It's a lonely journey. You're just hard on yourself. That's who you are. You're a hard on yourself person. And I really have been listening to my friends and moms out on the sporting sideline. And I've been listening to my friends talk on Facebook. I've I've had there's so many people that are just like, okay, I can't keep my house clean and I have children. Does anybody have any tips? Or we we have just been eating fast food because I can't figure out how to get dinner made because I don't know what to do. And then I have pastor friends that are like afraid to say anything's wrong because we're pastor, we're supposed to have it all together. And so as a preacher mama, as Amy Cobley Mulder, the preacher mama, I have double duty pressures, whether it comes from culture or within myself, pressures to have it all together. And it's always been. And I just want to give space and time and a moment to the beautiful thing that being a Jesus follower means I do not have it all together, whatever that means. So I am going to give you a total breakdown of how I do not have it all together and why not having it all together is a spiritual discipline that draws me closer to God. But the goal can't be for us. I've got this, I'm all okay. I don't need anything. Look at me, I have it all together. Woo, woo, woo. The goal has to be, I am walking with Jesus and He's carrying me, or He's propelling me, or the Holy Spirit's with me. Like, we are not supposed to be self-sufficient. And I just don't want to be one of those voices in the universe that says, even unintentionally, that says it implicitly or explicitly. I don't want to say, if you know Jesus, you got it all together. You don't need anybody else. You don't, I don't want to be a voice that says, knowing Jesus means you have no problems. Forget that. And being a mom is easy if you just follow these steps one through ten. Or I am Amy Mulder. I have no problems. I have no things. And you should listen to this podcast because I have the glorious truth knowledge that tells you how to live and how to be. No, at all glory to God, the Life of Your Preacher Mom podcast. I am going to tell you my true experience of being a human mama pastor preacher in this world. And nope, I don't have it all together. Currently, I am staring in my house at five loads of laundry that I have to fold before I leave for the pastors and spouses spring retreat. Devin's current work situation gives him limited time off. So I'm going on the pastors and spouses retreat without my spouse. And I just wish I could we could figure out a way for him to go with me. And I I just bat it back and forth. I hate going without him. Should I not go? You see how I don't have it all together? And I have to get this laundry done because this is, if I get all this laundry folded before I have to leave, which I I am on track to do, I'm gonna put on some fast music and get her done. If I get this laundry off folded, it will be the first time I have all the laundry folded and put away in my home in, I believe, two and a half years. And there's still laundry within the washing and the drying machine that has not been taken care of, but I am not counting that, friends. You also need to know, you also need to know that my house is not put all together. I try really hard to clean us out and to get us together. But we have a ball of love, which I have talked about called Goodyear. And she loves to take any toy she gets or my shoe and kind of pokery the house with beautiful debris everywhere. So I have spent a lot of time since we've had her for two years cleaning up her debris. I have areas in our church where I am pastor of that are a bit embarrassing. We're trying to throw everything and get everything together. It would make sense that everything would have a place and there would be a place for everything. And I promise you, I'm on that journey. I think I may be able to get there by the end of the summer. But you know what? When you're dealing with people's souls and people are having trouble in their marriages or children or are ill and need hospital visits, cleaning out the church closet is not a high priority. So I don't have that all together. I have three books in my head that I really want to write, but I can't figure out how to systematically do it. I thought once I finished my dissertation, I would be this writer girl. And I just am having a hard time sitting and staying and writing in a periodical way. So my lie, I tell myself, is once I get the house picked up and categorized, once I get the church done, I will become a writer girl. Well, thing is out. I have friends that I try to meet with once a week. We glory in the fact that we don't have it all together. Do you know that I sometimes, when my children are telling me something and I have a beautiful moment in the car with them, sometimes I'm really thinking about the next thing I have to do or the next task I have to do, and I almost miss the beautiful moments. I am also a daughter of my mom that lives nearby. And she's gonna be 75 and she's in great shape, but you know, my time is limited with her. Um, you know, it's she's getting older, and so am I. And sometimes I just want her to hurry up when she's speaking, and I'm not present in that moment. There are times when I wonder if anything I say is based in a deep-rooted um value of what I believe God's telling me to say, or if I am just trying to fill the noise. Oh, and here's another thing I don't have altogether. I love to have a show playing when I'm doing everything. So my screen time is atrocious because I legitimately am listening to a show or a podcast or music while I'm doing everything. And I really, really struggle with quiet silence. Oh my word, my imagination goes, and I feel like I'm in a screen movie and something's gonna jump out and get me when it's silent. And as a mom, I've yelled. I didn't yell today, so I can't tell you that story. But I've yelled at my boys at the top of my lungs and said, Don't you understand how hard this is for me? I feel like we also, as far as having it all together, we should have more in savings. We really should, because I feel like the whole economy is crashing. And I'm trying to have more in savings, but do you know that the uniform for my son's soccer was$330? Dude, it is black shorts. We can get it at the place, but no, it has to have this logo and he has to have this. And they've given us the big caveat. You can keep it for two years. Well, thank you. I still think$175 is not awesome per year for a uniform that is basically a tunic and some socks. Come on, let us get whatever we can get. So that's financial, that's organization, that's cooking. And I um since 2018, I have steadily put on weight. I am trying to lose it. I've been doing well on that. I'm on the GLP one shots. I'm just letting you know, I don't have it all together. And I has been steady. But last night, even though I had dinner at home waiting for me, that was healthy and good for me. Last night we went to Culver's because Cooper had just played volleyball and I gleefully ate ice cream custard, which was beautiful, but also makes my stomach sick because I am a lactose intolerant and I did it all knowingly. And even though I was sick this morning from the lactose intolerance situation, I chalked it up as well. That was a good mint chocolate chip cup of custard. I do not have it all together, and maybe you feel like you don't have this pressure, but I see it. So I'm just gonna tell you about the pressure I feel, and maybe you'll relate. I feel like, as a woman who's a mom and a pastor and a wife, I am supposed to have an hour of reflection in the morning before I make a healthy breakfast for the boys as they run out the door by seven. Make sure that you make Devin his lunch, and then feel gloriously happy to do all the tasks that I have to do. I feel like the pressure is you are supposed to go into the tasks you have to do with the glory of the Lord and extremely grateful for the family you have. But I have to tell you, some days I wake up and I feel 8,000 steps behind before I even get out of bed. So I'm gonna talk to you about the have it all together pressure. But I also want to give you some tips on how you can get over this pressure. I'm not saying the pressure will not exist, because I think society and I think women and I think, I don't know, are always going to put this pressure. If you're a mother, you're supposed to only breastfeed. And if you bottle feed, you haven't done your kid the right thing. You also, there's also this pressure. If your husband takes your three kids to the park and um, you know, parents them at the park, boy, what a great dad. But if you take your three kids to the park, that's just what you're supposed to do. And that's not that the dads aren't good. That's not from the dads. I think it's just from a cultural perspective. Besides, I don't haven't had a lot of mentors as pastor mamas. So I always felt like I was building the car while I was trying to drive. And so it's just a weird situation where there's all these pressures that, you know, you are always missing the mark if you think of it that way. But one of so listen to me this morning, and this is for all you guys too. Listen to me. One of the scriptures that has become my mantra is from 2 Corinthians chapter 12, verses 9 through 10. And this has been a mantra of mine basically my life for my lifetime. But when we're thinking about this, have it all together pressure from the world. I want you to hear this, and this is from Paul. Paul talking about what God said to him My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness. So I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ. For whenever I am weak, then I am strong. Paul is saying it isn't about trying to embrace power, that our weaknesses are what make us strong. Because we realize that in our weakness Christ can use us. In our weakness, we see what God's up to. In our weakness, we become beautifully dependent upon God. So the weakness that I have is that I have a pressure to have it all together, and I'm gonna tell you that I am surrendering that pressure this morning. I am boldly proclaiming I do not have it all together, and that I'm not trying to get it all together. And here's some tips in practice of this spiritual discipline of creating a world where you walk knowing, hey, God's grace is sufficient for me, and God's power is made perfect in my weakness. If that can become your mantra, here's what you need to do before you get out of bed, or when you awaken on the couch because your dog was scared of thunder, or whatever the situation is, find a way to thank God for three things really quickly. Really quickly. Thank you, Lord, for my husband who works so hard. I can hear a snore from here. Thank you for my beautiful dogs that give me such joy. And thank you that today is gonna be different than any other day I've experienced. Whatever you want to thank God for you can say in your head before your feet hit the ground that I am thankful for these things, Lord. You can reorient your whole mindset and then get yourself in through expectation rehab. Why are you expecting yourself to climb every mountain to to do everything perfectly and to and to endlessly tap into your resources and then still be available? Do you know my son Cooper in the middle of recording this podcast just texted me about a Pops act, which is like our variety show, a Pops act that he's trying out with, and he just wanted to get my opinion. Mom, what do you think? That's a beautiful thing that my son cares about my opinion, and that would check in with me. And so I give that time, and I may not do anything else right today, but the fact that my son reached out to me, this is a thing to be grateful for. So get your expectations right, but please find a way to do this quicker than I had. I expect myself to read in and out, enjoy this day, and make sure Devin knows I love him. Those are my expectations on my day. Or even if it's for work, I expect myself to go to work, to work hard, and to you know, create money for my family. Well, I mean, that's not spiritual, Amy. Are you kidding me? Do you realize that everything you do, you can do for the glory of God? Even if it's clean in a toilet because your family is disgusting, it can happen. But I don't want to put that pressure on you that you should be grateful for everything you have to do for your family. What I'm asking all of us to do is besides start the day with thankfulness, but to give our expectations a look. Where are these expectations you have for yourself coming from? Are they coming from the Lord? Are they coming from your family? Are they coming from culture? You know, I mean, my expectation is that I would never have been the weight I am right now in my adulthood life. I was gonna make sure that I never gained this kind of weight. Well, I did. So does that mean I'm less of a human or less happy? No. I'm gonna work towards being healthy. I'm doing the best I can, I'm breathing in and out. And you know what? My husband still looks at me. I hope the same way I look at him, which is like, boy, I really got a prize here. That's the expectation. And you know, the the new thing that I I have I felt God calling me to is to create. So I would love to be an author of note. I would love a billion people to get this podcast and be encouraged. I would love to be able to promote the things, the truth and the beauty that God has given me. I would love to tell the world. But God isn't calling me to that. God called me. To create, and so that's what you're listening to. You're listening to me on the path to being someone who creates all the time, every day I create, and sometimes the only thing I create is dinner, and sometimes it's great and sometimes it isn't. But I am not going to put these expectations on myself that I am supposed to have everything together perfectly and make sure I know before things are broken that they need to be fixed. Life is a challenging set of circumstances, and if you can start your day with gratefulness and give your expectations a rehab, then you can do the other thing, which is find yourself a way to smile or laugh every single day. Now, some of you live with a lot of ways to make you laugh. But joy is a revolutionary act, and there's a way to laugh. I like to listen to Everybody Loves Raymond. And you know what my family does with all these older teenage boys is we share memes back and forth. And those meme sharings, I don't understand my boy's humor all the time. I'm like, why is this funny? But that's a way for us to connect. And then there's times where you can't even talk, you're laughing so hard. It's really hard to feel like you're failing when you don't have it all together when there has been a moment in your day where you laugh so hard you've lost your breath. And if you're listening to this and you haven't laughed in a good long while find something today before it's too late. And after you have found something to laugh at, can I encourage you to be in the present moment? This is a quote from Thomas Merton from Contemplative Prayer. He's one of my favorite spiritual teachers. Even the capacity to recognize our condition before God is itself a grace. We cannot always attain it at will. To learn meditation does not therefore mean learning an artificial technique for infallibly producing compunction and the sense of nothingness whenever we please. On the contrary, this would be the result of violence and would be inauthentic. Meditation implies the capacity to receive the grace whenever God wishes to grant it to us. Does that help you think of meditation in a more beautiful way? Instead of trying to empty your mind, or you know, Merton is saying you just need to be open to God's grace, and it's all around you. So after you find some way to laugh today, open your hands, open your heart. God's grace, where are you today? Where are you today? For me, uh looking out my window in Michigan, I see God's grace in the sunshine that calls that spring is coming. Somewhere, please, spring is coming. And here I am talking to you. And nope, I do not have it all together. But God, I call to you today to keep me open, to see the ways your grace can go. And when life comes in, when things don't happen the way that you want, then you have to deal with the reality that life is a bunch of chaos. Remember, the goal is not to have it all together. The goal is to lean so completely upon God that you realize that you are open to the grace of God that is more than sufficient. It's overflowing. Grace and peace go with you. This is Amy Coughlin Mulder saying all glory to God. And nope, I do not have it all together.

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All the glory that's done. So it's done. It's done.