Ten More Minutes on Ruth & Devotion

Devotion isn’t proved by one big moment, it’s revealed by the steady choices you make when nobody’s watching. We sit down with Pastor Ross Strickland after his message on the book of Ruth and talk about the kind of faithfulness that holds when life is painful, distracting, or just ordinary. Ross shares personal reflections from Mother’s Day, including how a parent’s devotion can shape a family for generations, and we anchor the conversation in 1 Corinthians 15:58: be steadfast, immovable, and keep abounding in the work of the Lord even when the payoff feels delayed. 

We also go deeper into Bible study and why context changes everything. Ruth being a Moabite isn’t trivia, it’s a shock that highlights God’s providence and redemption for outsiders. Even the parts we tend to skip, like genealogies, carry the story forward and remind us that Scripture is one connected narrative pointing to Jesus. Along the way, we challenge “verse of the day” habits, talk about being too easily pleased and easily distracted, and share practical ways to rebuild hunger for God’s Word through community and accountability. 

Then we pivot to something Ruth gets quoted for all the time: Christian dating. We play a red flag, green flag game with real-world wisdom, including warnings about Jesus being treated like a brand, boundary pushing, shutting out wise counsel, living like a constant victim, and fast emotional intensity. On the green flag side, we talk about staying in the right relationship stage, practicing sexual integrity, honoring family authority, looking for character over charm, and pursuing God first. If this helps you, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find the podcast.

Transcript

Welcome And Why 10 More Minutes

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Well, welcome to 10 More Minutes, another episode of our original podcast from Cross Point Church, where we just take a little extra time each week and we sit with Sunday's message. We try to get a little bit more of what God is teaching to us. Sundays tend to move really quickly, but the truths that we hear aren't meant to stay there. They're meant to go with us throughout the week, follow us as we attempt to live for Christ. And so this week we have Pastor Ross Strickland joining us. And Ross, this past Sunday, you walked us through the book of Ruth and this picture of devotion to God. And a devotion that shapes relationships, it shapes decision making, it shapes our everyday faithfulness. And later on, we might even turn back to that book and use it as a dating seminar. You know, two pastors trying to teach people how to date. Let's do it. But first, let's come back to Sunday's message and take 10 more minutes. All right, Ross, thanks for joining us again. Back in the seat with me, appreciate it. You did a great job on Sunday. It was Mother's Day. And so looking back now, kind of just where we start every single week, there's always things that you leave on the cutting floor. But let's just go back and sit with it a little longer. What are some things and takeaways that if you had 10 more minutes, you'd love to go back to this message on devotion and spend some extra time?

Mother’s Day Devotion And A Life That Ripples

SPEAKER_01 1:19

Yeah. Yeah, I really loved it. It was an awesome opportunity to be Mother's Day. Yeah. Um, and get to just encourage our church, encourage um our mothers, encourage just everyone who is in attendance. Um, especially with, you know, I got to share my mom's testimony of her life. Um and it was it, it was funny, you know. I saw her devotion over her life, but it's not until all of a sudden you lose someone or you're removed from a situation, you see it even clearer. And so it was it's just cool to look back and just be encouraged and see how much her devotion shaped my life. Yeah. And how her devotion shaped not only my life, but other people's lives around me, and then then turn those people's lives and they're impacting others. And it's just a ripple effect.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

Oh, you shared the testimony of your sister and her comment that sticks with you and just very touching.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

Yeah. And so it was just really uh it was a pleasure to get to do it on Sunday. Um, it was hard, um, but it was it was worth it. And um, one of the verses I didn't get to share um that uh I think is a New Testament verse that kind of brings us back and kind of has this idea of devotion in it, you know, is first Corinthians 15, 58. If you didn't know, there's almost six, there's 58 verses in one of the chapters of 1 Corinthians. Uh but therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, be immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your net labor is not in vain. Yeah. And I think that's the heart of devotion. Amen. Being immovable and steadfast and just working, uh, knowing that, yeah, it we may not see the results in this life or in this time or in the next few days or weeks or months. Um, but the Lord honors just us trusting him. Yeah. And so that was the real heart of the message Sunday uh that I think was was so important and hopefully was what people took away from it.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

Yeah.

Reading Ruth With Full Bible Context

SPEAKER_00 2:55

We talked a little bit about, you know, and you were quizzing people all Sunday long, you know, and giving us a lot of questions, and we were supposed to feed back with answers and sort of some biblical knowledge and trivia and things like that. We were talking yesterday about just the idea of giving people an understanding of scripture a little bit more than maybe where we're usually at. What was your mindset bringing some of that stuff to the table?

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Yeah, absolutely. You know, I think we live in a time where we have so much more access to things, um, and we have the opportunity to do so many more things than we actually do. Yeah. And one of those opportunities is just simply study scripture. And I wanted to, I brought those questions, which I do that a lot with students, and I do that a lot with our young people because I'm trying to help them learn, but also see them there's more to learn. And I think that was the goal yesterday was um, let's make sure that I want to just challenge people to realize they they don't know as much as they think they do. And I'm not saying I do, but I'm just saying I know where we all know we can Google an answer. Yeah. Um, but we also have the opportunity to just spend time in scripture. And that goes to the things I wanted to just share, you know, kind of that 10 more minutes of uh of what were some things that stood out that I wanted to dive into. Yeah. And so can I share those? Go for it. Is this what this is? You're leaving the whole thing to me, essentially. I don't need to be here. And I kind of shared both of these things, but I just wanted to show kind of the the beauty of how um really knowing all of scripture and letting all of scripture, Old Testament, New Testament, recognize it's all from the Lord. Yeah, it's all beneficial, it's all for teaching, rebuking, uh, but also training and and raising us up in righteousness.

SPEAKER_00 4:24

Well, and it's all telling one story. That's right. You know, I'm about to step on somebody's toes here for a minute, but one of the things that's just a soapbox issue for me is uh Christianity is not invented when Christ comes on the scene. Uh Christianity begins when God founded the world because the story of redemption was the plan from the very beginning. Yeah. And so all of the Old Testament is not telling a Jewish story, it's telling a Christian story that meant to point to Christ from the very beginning. And all the stories we can find Jesus on every single page and in every story. And we should know them because they point to truths of who Christ is and of what he's done for us. Yeah. You know, and uh, you know, we we kind of are able to use New Testament scripture more as a commentary for what Old Testament scripture was saying from the very beginning, and to have a great comprehensive knowledge of all of it is what every believer should strive for.

SPEAKER_01 5:14

Absolutely. So the two things I wanted to point out. One, we talked about it Sunday, and I used the term I talked about the Moabites. You know, Ruth was a Moabite. Um, we read that and we just keep going. We're like, yeah, that's one of the people groups in the Bible. Um, and I kind of pointed out Sunday that there's more to that. You know, when and and one thing we got to think about when we're reading scripture, especially the Old Testament, but really all of it, uh, we can't come to scripture and just say, all right, what does this need to teach me? How can I feel better when I walk away from this passage? Right, right. Um, because yes, the passages are for us, the Bible is for us, but we need to ask the question, who was this written to? That's right. And what does this teach me about God? And when we ask those two questions, the second one is what's going to really help us to walk away and feel better, right? Walk away and have some knowledge. Um, because when we that's what it's for, you know, the scripture is for us to know who God is and to know what he's done for his people and how he can redeem and restore all things that are broken. That's right. And so whenever we read this passage, Ruth is a Moabite, like let's pause and let's Google real quick, you know, and say, what's a Moabite? And uh, or find a commentary, or find a resource, or ask a pastor. Um, and uh, but Ruth, she's a Moabite, and for the Israelites, that's pretty shocking because uh, if you know who the Moabites are, they're some of Lot's descendants. You know who Lot is? I do. Abraham's nephew, right? That's right. Um, and so it's Abraham's nephew. There's there's some kind of sketchy things go on around Genesis 19. That's right. Um, and some people are born, uh, and Moab is born, and then his people are kind of a little bit accursed and kind of enemies against God because they didn't support the Israelites. And and and then it goes on, and and we see now Ruth, this Moabite, this outsider, this person who's kind of they're not really following the Lord anymore. They're worshiping pagan gods, you know, they're they're from the side of the family you don't talk to anymore. Yeah. And so whenever they mention their name, all the Israelites hearing this story are like, oh, like she's a Moabite? Uh, you know. Um, and so they hear this, and and we need to know uh the importance of that, you know, that that even in this story, even that just showing that a Moabite is about to help redeem Israel is God's providence showing us that even though we are messy and broken, he can restore that. Um, and he will restore that in his own ways and his own time. This was generations after the Moabites went off, and now Ruth is restoring this this lineage um as well. Um, but then the second one was a genealogy. Oh man, that was fun, wasn't it? Reading a genealogy.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

I was disappointed that I didn't get a shout out a little bit from the Christmas show when we did the Matthews and the Gats, and we did it all the whole genealogy to song. You were reading the genealogy, and I was singing the song in my head as you were reading this.

SPEAKER_01 7:55

Well, you did a great job on that song. So bravo. Thank you. Um I appreciate it. Uh even more important, there's a genealogy before a little that includes that, you know, but uh but the Perez part. Um Perez, another another person born into a scandalous situation, you know. I think uh Genesis 38.

SPEAKER_00 8:14

PG 13 is the right rating.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

I know Genesis 30 a little more than PG 13. Genesis 38 needs that adult content, a little sticker as you go to read it. Um and maybe uh yeah, just maybe read the God's greatest story Bible for that section of his kids. But I would go back and read it. If you're listening to this and and hearing this, uh go back and read because you'll see how God can redeem something so messy. Um, but the really cool thing is uh the story of Ruth and Boaz is almost a contradiction to that story, or not really a contradiction, just a redemption to that story. The other side of that. And we see that you see this man who is uh Judah, who's one of the 12 tribes uh uh of Israel, and and we see some bad decisions, lack of integrity, uh just a dirty old man, and uh someone who you're just like, oh, he's supposed to be in the line of like the the the people of Israel, like who is this guy? And then he does some awful things, and through that, uh Perez is then born. Um, through and he even says a righteous act of Tamar. Uh and so trying to continue the line. And and so we see this this story of two individuals, uh, a romance that's not really good. Lots of red flags, lots of bad things happen. And then now you see this contrast of of Ruth and um Boaz, and you see Boaz is a man of integrity, Ruth's a woman of integrity. They both have uh a love and devotion for the Lord. They want to do things in an upright manner and do things properly in public and be seen by all and make sure it's honoring to the Lord and honoring to God's people. And so you see this story. Whenever you get to read scripture um and you really study it, you see this contrast. And I think that is even more helps you love the word of God and love God's redemptive story even more. And so those are the two big things I think uh just shows you that man, there's a lot more to reading scripture than just what we typically

Bible Study Habits And A Better Way

SPEAKER_01 10:09

think.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

You mentioned sort of some Bible study. Uh I I've got a couple of pet peeves that I think fit in with this whole deal. And you know, one is in our devotion time when we get it carried away with devotional culture where we get so used to just reading from a 365 devotional. And in the devotional, we're reading a page of someone else's words and one verse from scripture that just jumps around so that we can have like a thought for the day to live with. Or like in the Bible app when we just get the verse of the day and we think, well, I've read scripture today. One of my Bible study pet peeves is read a lot of scripture. Like if you're not reading three or four chapters of scripture a day, you're missing out on an opportunity to get the whole story and to see how all of these things connect. The other pet peeve I have is that when we read scripture, um, most of us read scripture in the first person. Yeah. Like when it says stuff on the page, it's written directly to me. And I'm meant to just pick a truth off the page and apply it directly to my life. And that if I don't find something, that means that it's not interesting enough, or that I can just sort of motor past it onto something else that is more interesting or more applicable to my life. When in reality, we should gain a love and a respect for every page of God's word because of just the story that's there. You know, at its core, it's a whole story that's telling us who God is and who God's people are and the story of redemption that flowed from the beginning of time to the end of things when all things will be made new again. And we should love the story. We should love the characters of the story, we should love the way that God redeems all of these messy situations in the story. We should see how all of the storylines connect and all of these different prophecies that are ultimately made true again, all of these genealogies that carry the weight of Jesus through them. All of these storylines that connect should be things that we are just so fascinated with that our first love is just to read the story for what it is and not try to manipulate it to our own uses and to our own gain. So I love that you brought that out. That's such a great point. Hey, one of the things from Sunday that has stuck with me is you brought out this quote from John Piper on the idea of being far too easily pleased as a people. Your first point was that we're we're often just stuck in the comfortable and familiar, and that sometimes devotion requires us to leave that behind. Yeah, you know, and in leaving comfort and familiarity behind, you see the story of Ruth where she leaves her home, she leaves her people, she leaves her normal way of life, really kind of to follow God. I mean, it says, I'm gonna make your God my God, is kind of how she says that. And you brought that out. And uh, you know, you talked about this idea that we're just uh we're a little too comfortable with small compromises in life, with small sins, with small distractions, with small influences that we've grown comfortable with in our life because we're just a little too easily pleased with just a small version of God's grace rather than the large version that can actually transform us and requires a daily devotion. I mean, I thought that was so good.

SPEAKER_01 13:13

Yeah, and I think that's where um I think we all struggle with that. I'm a pastor and I still struggle with that. Even last week, while I was in the depths of studying commentaries and reading different articles and all kinds of stuff on the book of Ruth, I would get distracted. And then a few minutes later, I'm like, what am I doing? I need to continue to study. I don't know if you've been there. Maybe it's just me. I've been there. Um I think I think we all as a culture and as a people um have just allowed ourselves, like John Piper said, to be too easily pleased. And because there's lots of pleasing things in the world. Man, scrolling Instagram and watching some funny videos, man, that is pleasing right there. Um, but then you realize I didn't get anything accomplished. Yeah. I have just wasted time and I have wasted precious time, I could be honoring the Lord in certain ways. And and so I think also just to go back to, you know, our study of scripture, um, you had those pet peeves, and uh, and I think that we all have those, you know. And but I think, you know, if for those of us who are for everyone listening, everyone who's a part of our church, man, we just want you to catch the love of scripture and love for the Lord that we have, yeah, but also know that like it's a it's a it's a constant battle. It's not like, man, okay, let me just flip the switch for my love for the Lord. Yeah, it's gonna take time, it's gonna take devotion, um, it's gonna take just ups and downs and doing it even when we don't want to.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

It's also gonna take some level of grace and forgiveness for yourself. You know, it's sometimes we beat ourselves up so much that we become paralyzed to think that we can even do this, you know. But in reality, hey, we know we're flawed individuals. We still live in a fallen world with a flesh that's attached to us until God comes, you know, to take us home. So we've got to be able to give ourselves the grace uh to say, okay, I messed up, but that's okay. I I know who I want to be, where I want to go, and I want to get back on that track of small decisions of faithfulness.

SPEAKER_01 15:00

And I think the biggest way to help with that that I've I I've seen work is accountability, but also just being around God's people. Yeah. Uh having people, because here's the thing, we try to do it our own. Like I've I have started so many checklists on my own. Yeah. The ones that I completed the most was when I had somebody hold me accountable to it. And so that's the first step is like find a partner and hold each other accountable. Make it awkward. Be like, hey, have you read? And if they said no, like come up with some consequences. We used to do that in college. Yeah. And uh, and that's silly, but also it helps you, you know, um, find your love for the Lord even deeper. Uh, because yeah, you're trying to make sure someone else is, you're like, okay, I got to impress them a little bit. Um, but if it takes that to read the word, yeah, do it. You know, uh, that's my that's my goal for sure is for people to read the word and then you just want to keep doing it. And you just you have that love sparked, and then you have this desire that that you're you're not far too easily pleased anymore. You you want more, and you want more.

SPEAKER_00 15:56

And so that's the hope and the goal, yeah. So amen.

Christian Dating Red Flags And Green Flags

SPEAKER_00 16:00

Well, speaking of things in where we're far too easily pleased and uh areas maybe where we've made too many compromises in our life. Uh, the book of Ruth has always been a little bit of a commentary on dating and courting and engagement and some of those things. It's been used in conferences for young people for generations. And so we want to go back to Sunday and back to Ruth, but go to an area that we really didn't get the chance to address on Sunday morning because it wasn't at all where the message was going. Uh, but we thought we'd maybe get into a little bit of some dating advice and have some fun with it. Can we have like a new song come on like Ross and Ryan dating advice or something like that? You just did it. Perfect. We'll clip that and we'll put it out in front. But uh, you know, we're gonna play a little game. And uh we're gonna call this red flag, green flag. Okay. It's kind of like the do's and don'ts of Christian dating. Yeah. Okay. I wrote down some green flags, like my top five do's of things that are good to do in a Christian dating and engagement, you know, environment. And Ross, you were supposed to come up with five red flags. I told you mine, you didn't tell me yours, so I'm gonna be totally surprised here.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

So I guess you just gave me the red flags. I guess I'm kind of like the expert on toxic relationships since I'm since I'm a youth pastor.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

Yes, exactly. You've seen way more than I've seen. So, but let's get into it. Okay, Ross, red flag number one.

SPEAKER_01 17:24

All right. So my red flag number one, uh, I had I did glance at yours. I didn't really like spend time in them, but I was like, I kind of I didn't want to say the same thing that you said, just the opposite, and some of them may be, and I honestly don't remember them right now. Um, but uh the first one was you know, Jesus becomes more of a brand than our Lord. And so we see that I see I see young ladies, young men, uh fall after someone because man, they had the great Christian t-shirt. They listen to great Christian music, they post awesome Christian content or say great things. And I think that's great, but I like to see a little more longevity to it. Um, I like to see them not just have a brand they're attached to, because how many of us went through brands in high school and we look back and we're like, what was I thinking? And uh, and you you have just silly things you attach yourself to, and and not saying that the Lord's silly, but a lot of times we treat him that way, right? Um, and maybe when it all looks great until maybe motives are questioned, or maybe some boundaries drawn in a in a relationship, and then they were like, ugh, like they kind of get upset about those things. Um, or maybe you know, Jesus is super important, but uh, I don't have time for gathering God's people or this and that because of sports or work or whatever's going on. And and now we all have seasons in life where that comes into play, but I think you get to when you get to know someone, you start recognizing is Jesus just their just this brand they're attached to, or is he truly their Lord? And he's they've surrendered themselves to him. And yeah, and Matthew 15, you know, um he's Jesus says, This people, they honor me with their lips. You know, they their hearts are far from me. But their hearts, their hearts are far from me. Yeah, and so I think that's uh one of the that's one of those you have to when you start spending time with someone, you you notice, you know, but it it takes spending time with someone like man, continue to seek those people who who seemingly love the Lord, but also have a caution uh to all people like that, you know, and and so I think that's one of the biggest red flags to start off with.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

Okay, that's a good one because this goes right into my first green flag, which is stay in the right box. Okay, that's my green flag number one is stay in the right box. You know, dating leads to courting leads to engagement, leads to marriage. And let's just say, for the sake of simplicity, that those are the only four boxes dating, courting, engagement, and marriage. And too many times we blur the lines of those four boxes and we start to treat things too seriously too quickly, or start to act like we're married before we're married, or start to act like we're already committed to an engagement before we've ever been engaged. And to your point, if it takes a little bit of time to get to know somebody and get into their heart and get into where the motives are and get past some of the surface level things, you don't want to feel like you're so committed to somebody that you can't easily back out without totally wrecking the heartstrings of someone's life. Yeah. That's what dating is for. It's meant to kind of have a little bit more of a casual feel to it so that I can really get to know you better without having to be so committed to you that if we separated, that you would take pieces of me with you or that I would take pieces of you with me. And so let's stay in the dating box as long as we can stay in the dating box to have a clarity of who that person is before we take a little more of a step forward. Then we get into a courting box, which is a little bit more of this could be a person I'd like to marry. I'm gonna take this relationship a little bit more seriously and treat it like this is the future and this is the end goal. And uh, we're gonna start to expose a little bit more of ourselves to each other so that we don't have any blanks that are left unfilled, you know. And then when I fill in all the blanks, we can move into an engagement box. Here's another little pet peeve of mine engagement should not be long, it should be short. If engagement is the idea of preparing for a marriage, then let's go ahead and move toward getting married. Let's not spend three years in the engagement box and really tempt ourselves to blur the lines and to skip steps because marriage is its own box that has all the blessings attached to it that the Lord designed for us from the very beginning. So stays in the right box. That's my green flag number one.

SPEAKER_01 21:33

You had some red flags throughout that too. So my bad. Second one I said was uh they constantly push boundaries. Constantly push boundaries. And you know, I get this question a lot. So how far is too far? And my first response is you've already gone too far. And I think if we're asking that question, we're asking how close to the line of sin can I get? We're focused on the sin. We're focused on the sin, and like, okay, I want. To I want to get to it. And I know that, you know, the boxes situation, like I know that that box is for later, but how close can I get to that box? Right. And I think if we're asking that question, our heart's in the wrong place. Yeah. Um, because we've all asked that question in in different stages of life, not even just for for that, but like in in work. Like, how far can I get to that line of like not doing my job correctly or or getting by, or maybe, maybe uh doing something that lacks a little bit of integrity? Um, we're asking how far how close can I get? And I think the question we need to change it to is how can I honor God in this moment? You know, I I've had several young, young people come to me and ask me advice, not even just on dating, but on joining different things and different activities. And and my response, they're like, So what can I do? What should my line be? And I'm like, well, first off, I want you to ask the question, how can you honor God? Yeah. And if you can't honor God, then I think you need to say no. Um, and so I think that's one constantly pushing those boundaries, asking how far we can go without sinning. You know, first Corinthians Paul tells us, does he say just like, hey, just pet sex uh sexual immorality and then just like just tell it to go away. What does he say? Flee. He says, flee. Yeah. And I always like make sure to highlight that. Now it's underlined, and and every time I talk about it, I capitalize it because he says flee. He says, you see it, you run. You know, fight or flight. And uh, you don't need to fight it because you ain't gonna win. That's right. Uh you need to you need to flight. Um, and so, and then 1 Thessalonians 5 also tells us to abstain from every form of evil. Yeah. And so I think that's a wise thing to do. And when you see somebody constantly pushing boundaries, maybe not just in your relationship, but just in life and the things they try to get away with, that should be a red flag that's raised.

SPEAKER_00 23:38

And um, and we should pay attention to that. Good red flag. I had scripture on mine too, and I forgot to contextualize it because I got carried away. So I'm gonna try and do better. I was supposed to be more holy. So I'll do better on my next one. Uh, green flag number two is, and I don't have a better way to say this, this just true love weights. That's kind of the piffy statement that was a conference when we were kids. And sometimes the purity culture can get carried away where we make a focus too much on the sexual side of things, and uh, and sometimes it turns sex into something that's created like it's evil or like it's we can't touch it or it's bad, when really it's something beautiful that God created. But it's only beautiful, and God created it only within the context of marriage. We see that in the story of Ruth and Boaz, where they waited and uh and they kept everything in the right box. They moved forward with clarity and with honesty in each other, and then uh they waited to have sex be the thing that followed their marriage ceremony together and their marriage commitment together. We could talk in length about this, but you just talked about fleeing sexual immorality. You know, sex is such a vulnerable and intimate thing that's meant to be loving and shared within a marriage relationship, and there's also a consequence of sex, which is pregnancy. I hate to call it a consequence because it's a beautiful gift of life, but a commitment and a lifelong covenant of marriage is meant to protect sex and make it something that doesn't have consequence to it and make it beautiful and make it something that we can share our vulnerabilities, our intimate moments, our honesty with each other, fully transparent before one another, and we can know that we are committed to each other for life and protected together in a covenant relationship. And so when things start to get you know out of control, I would say that's that red flag. But knowing that you can have a committed relationship that's willing to wait, you know, and uh Hebrews 13, 4, it says the marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed should be kept pure. That starts way before marriage, it continues in marriage, right? But that starts way before marriage. We should uh we should keep the marriage bed pure.

SPEAKER_01 25:43

Yeah. Number three. Next one, and I know we're getting long on this, so hopefully, hopefully this is some good uh good stuff. Um red flag number three. Nobody can speak into their relationship. Now I see this often uh when somebody starts dating or uh has new friends and all of a sudden they disappear. Uh they all sudden have other other conflicts in life, and I'm like, but it stems from one person, and that is the person you just started dating. And nobody can question them. And if you do, they're like, Why are you questioning me? I I made this decision.

SPEAKER_00 26:14

Okay, I thought that I went red flag. The red flag is no is when nobody can do it. No one can speak into their relationship.

SPEAKER_01 26:18

The red flag is nobody can speak into their relationship, nobody can challenge them, nobody can speak truth to them. And you know, if every trusted person in your life has is trying to tell you the same thing, maybe you should listen. Yeah. Um, and I and I see that as a huge red flag um in dating a lot of times is when someone just consistently is is not listening to the people who love and care for them the longest. They're just listening to the person that now loves and cares for them in the moment. Wow. And and so Proverbs tells us without counsel, plans fail. Yeah. Right. And but with the many advisors, they usually succeed. And so I think that's something we need to think about as we're dating or just in relationships in general, um, letting other people speak into those.

SPEAKER_00 27:02

Good. You did look at my list here because number three on the green flags is respect family authority. Oh, yes, that's right. I did read that one. I forgot about it. Yeah, number three, respect family authority. Um, you know, we see this in the story of Ruth. Ruth listens to Naomi and takes her counsel in the whole process of how the two come together. And then at the end of all things, once Boaz has a love for Ruth and begins to think that this may be someone I'd like to marry, he recognizes there's a family authority that is in place here. There's a line of kinsmen redeemers, and I'm not number one in the line. And so he says, I've got to go back and check with this other kinsman redeemer, which if you don't know what that means, it's basically when uh when you are married into a family and your husband dies, right? That all of the brothers then, in order of their eldership, get the chance to redeem you and maybe to marry you so that you're protected still under that family line. That's kind of an old Jewish tradition from the Old Testament. And so Boaz says, I'm not the first in line. I need to go check and make sure that it's okay that the other family member, the other brother, uh, may not want to redeem Ruth first. And so he has this love. He's already in a relationship with her, but he says, Listen, I don't know if you know this, but you're actually first in line. Would you like to, you know, have this land and redeem this woman? And uh and he says, I can't do it, you know, you should do it. And then finally, Boaz then moves forward. You know, one of the big things that I see from couples nowadays, young couples, young people, is um, you know, that moment when you go into the engagement part, and the traditional thing is to go and ask for the hand in marriage, right? And I've seen, as I've counseled a lot of young people, a hesitancy to want to do that these days because of whatever family dynamic has happened over the years. Some of them have been in abusive relationships with their parents, some of them are estranged from their parents, and they think, my family my family is out of the picture. I don't need to do that. Well, I'll be honest with you, you want to start your family on the right step, on the right course. And there's no caveat in Exodus 20 when it says, honor your father and mother that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land that your Lord your God has given you. It doesn't say only if you have good parents, or only if your parents haven't hurt you. And so let's be the forgiving, the redeeming part of our family that can recognize it's our responsibility to respect family authority no matter what is going on, until God places us through marriage under a different authority. Let's keep the family respect in line and in its proper place. So green flag respects family authority.

SPEAKER_01 29:30

So red flag number four is they are always the victim. They're always the victim. And and I say this because I've heard so many times in in relationships where they they share all about their crazy ex, you know, like their ex was just insane. And in some instances that's that's true. But then then they also start telling about their toxic boss, you know, or maybe their friend that betrayed them, or um, even a church that's hurt them. And you just see this this consistent pattern of just hurt from everyone else. And I think that can happen, right? That that's definitely a true story in many people's lives. But I think when we're dating someone, that's what we're hearing or we're in a relationship with someone, that's what we hear. Uh, there might be a common denominator. Yeah. You know, there might be a common denominator, and and it's not all the people out there. Yeah, it might be that person right in front of you. Yeah, you may not want to hear who it is. And uh, and so I think it's very important to see that they they gotta see, and and if you see someone with that that attitude of everyone's against me, um, you're one day gonna be against them. And you need to be warned by that. Uh James reminds us that God opposes the proud, right? And and a lot of times we're just being prideful. Um, and there's there's been several times in my life where I've I've felt as though though I was the victim, somebody brought it up to me. I felt offended. And then as I slowed down and breathed and and listened, I realized, oh wait, I was the root, I was the source of frustration for that person and kind of caused the situation. They still didn't handle it right, but I also caused the situation. And that takes someone to be humble because because James reminds us, God opposes proud, but he gives grace to the humble. And if if you're finding someone who's not humble, um, you need to find someone else.

SPEAKER_00 31:10

Well, that follows you into marriage as well, because in your relationship, you're gonna have to find ways to humble yourself each and every day and have a pursuit of the welfare of the person across from you and not just you. And so you can start to recognize those patterns early in dating and recognize that uh marriage is meant uh to humble us and to make us servants of one another. Uh green flag number four, look for character and not just charm. Look for character and not just charm. Uh Boaz notices Ruth's faithfulness before romance ever develops. That's kind of what drew him to her. Uh I have a similar story of me and my wife when we went on our first date. Uh, I took her to dinner in a movie. I took her to Olive Garden. She hates Italian food. I took her to a movie which was like a Paul Rudd comedy movie back in the day. And within the first 15 minutes, there were things said and displayed on the screen that she did not appreciate. And she got up and left. And I'm following her out to the car going, I have screwed this whole thing up. We sit down in the car, and she says, Listen, I'm okay if this ends today, but I just have made a covenant with my eyes and my ears in the Lord that I don't want to look on something that I shouldn't. And uh, if that's weird to you, let's just kind of call it quits right now. And I was like, No, that is awesome. And I love you and I want to marry you. Like I just was connected to her faithfulness from the very beginning.

SPEAKER_01 32:27

Immediately, you're like, this was just a test. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 32:29

Yeah, that's all. It wasn't my decision. Yeah, it was just a test. Yeah. Uh Proverbs tells us that charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, right? But it's the heart that we should be pursuing after. And we should find someone that draws us closer to God, not someone that tempts us to walk further away from God. Yeah. So green flag is look for character, not just charm.

SPEAKER_01 32:49

Yeah. Yeah. My last red flag was one of emotional intensity. Um, whenever there's lots of passion immediately in a relationship, uh, they love each other so much. They want to spend all their time together. You know, there's these dramatic emotions, big promises, like, man, this is what I want to do in my life, like blah, blah, blah, blah. And I want to be this kind of person. I want you to be part of it. They're very um, they just have this spiritual sounding language to it too, like how they kind of make everything a spiritual uh a feeling. Like, and they take all their emotions or all their dreams and they spiritualize every single one of them because they're simply trying to impress. Yeah, they're trying to draw you in. Um, and I I hadn't heard this the other day, but just because somebody tells you, I have never felt this way before, that's not the Holy Spirit speaking, uh, especially if it's only two weeks into the into the relationship.

SPEAKER_00 33:38

You probably said that after your Taco Bell marathon thing. I never felt this way before.

unknown 33:43

I did.

SPEAKER_01 33:44

And uh, but I think there's so many times where we have to be careful. Um, when when there's someone who's emotionally charged, and and maybe both of you are emotionally charged, and all of a sudden you have these grand feelings. It's only a few weeks old. And I've seen marriages successfully come from that, but very, very, very few. Um, most of the time it ends in, like you said, the boxes get out of order because there's so much emotions and feelings tied into it. Yeah. And so when when your relationship becomes emotionally intense, um, you need to take a step back and say, you know what, we need to, we need to calm down. This should be relaxing. This should be fun. This should be uh with other people and be held accountable and allow other people to speak in. Right now we're just everything's happening so fast, and I and we're about to get married, you know, or we're we're already like, man, we're gonna be impact the world. And it's like, yes, do that, but why don't you just slow down and impact the the people around you for now? Um, and so I think that's a big one there. And um, I did have a verse, but you can go on too.

SPEAKER_00 34:40

Okay, so all right. Last one, green flag number five. Uh, and this is pretty obvious, but worth saying to close this whole thing out, pursue God first. Pursue God first. Obviously, Matthew 6, 33, seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness. And we see that in Ruth. You know, this whole thing for her was about following God. It wasn't like she was going with Naomi in order to find another husband or to find, you know, the kinsman redeemer, uh, but she was going with Ruth because she felt God drawing her and she was following him. And a lot of times I see people, young people, that are looking for romance, they're looking for love and they can't find it, and they're just outdating everybody, trying to find the Mr. Right or the Mrs. Right. And uh, the moment they stop seeking for romance and they stop seeking for a partner and they start seeking God, boom, God sends somebody their way. You know, and so I'm not saying that's gonna happen immediately, but what I'm saying is that oftentimes when we fix our focus and make it on God first, that He will take care of those needs in our life, He will lead us in the direction we go, and He will also soften our heart and change the criteria through which we're glancing at certain things or certain people and put people in our path that all of a sudden we may not have thought of that person before, but look, God is sort of changing my vision and allowing me to see the right priorities and the right steps. And so pursues God first. So that was fun. There's our our red flags, green flags. Again, my number one was stays in the right box. Number two was true love weights. Uh, number three was respect authority. Uh, number four was look for character, not just charm. Number five was pursue God first. Recap yours real quick. Your red flags.

SPEAKER_01 36:16

Uh Jesus is more of a brand than their Lord. That was a good one. Uh they constantly push boundaries. Nobody can speak into the relationship. They're always the victim, and then they're emotionally intense.

Recap, Grace For Growth, And Closing Challenge

SPEAKER_01 36:28

There we go.

SPEAKER_00 36:28

We'd love to talk more about all this stuff, but we've already said it way over this podcast. It's gonna be the longest podcast episode, but hopefully the most used and shared. And you know, maybe there's somebody you know in your life that's going through that season of their life and they need maybe some tips or some thoughts. We'd love to talk about that. I think too, there's grace.

SPEAKER_01 36:42

For sure. There's so much grace. Like we share these because we care about people, yeah. And uh, and we constantly are just seeing uh trying to point people to just commit themselves to the Lord. Yeah, and uh, you know, commit yourself to the Lord, love his word, love his people so that you can find a renewed hope and joy in the things that not out of this, not of this world, but of of the Lord and that are pleasing, not only just to us, but pleasing to the Lord. Yeah. So absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 37:05

Well, and it goes back to that point that you finished with on Sunday, and I'd like to just land the ship here, kind of leaving us with an application for all people here, which is it takes little steps of faithfulness right to stay obedient to God and to prove our devotion to Him. It's not about taking the giant leap or making that huge decision. Sometimes it's just about the little steps of faithfulness along the way and uh and and choosing uh small decisions that prove our love and our devotion to him. Yeah. I thought that was great. You you kind of encouraged everybody, hey, keep waiting faithfully, keep trusting, keep using the small decisions, the ordinary acts of faithfulness, the the quiet obedience of our lives to pursue after him. Uh, you know, any other kind of thoughts as you follow up on on how to have people continue in that path uh, you know, with that application. Keep doing it. Yeah. And don't give up. I love it. Dude, thanks for joining us. It's a fun one. It was. I'm gonna bookmark this one, keep it. Uh, I appreciate taking some extra time, slowing down, getting into some uh different topics today. And Crosspoint family, thank you for taking some time with us as well. We hope that maybe something in this whole mess and fun games that we played was useful to you, beneficial, helpful for somebody that you know and love. We'd love it if you would share it with them. Maybe you could comment, let us know what your green flags and red flags are as well, and some things that you've seen work really well in dating relationships, just helping people find uh, you know, that path for their lives that God has laid out for them in advance. And uh, we just encourage you to stay faithful throughout the week as well. Keep keep going, keep trusting, keep moving in those small acts of obedience. Uh, we pray that you would take a little extra time, sit with it, talk about it with uh your family members and your friends, and take 10 more minutes, and we'll see you next week.