Seriously... Bare with Us

This week Celeste & Nikky talk about the infamous "bare minimum" in dating and relationships. When did basic respect, communication, and effort become something to celebrate? Join the ladies as they unpack the difference between healthy expectations, unrealistic standards, and why they feel this deeply about this. Bare with them as they discuss the bare minimum. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:10

Hey there. Hey, welcome back. How are you? I'm doing so good. I'm so happy. I am so freaking good. You're so freaking happy and so freaking good. I freaking feel the same. I'm freaking serious. No, but I am really happy. I am too. I'm having a great day. Oh, you are? Yeah. I'm actually really sore right now, and I yeah, I'm like so sore. It's taking everything for me to walk. Yeah. But I feel good. That's good. Why are you so sore? I went to the gym and then I danced a lot this weekend. Hmm. You know, I worked out for the first time in a long time on Thursday, and I feel like today is the first day that it doesn't hurt a little to walk. Oh. So I have to wait till tomorrow because I worked out on Friday. And you're still sore. That's how I was. So sore. But I'm like, hey, that means I did something right or what? Well, I mean, that's always how it is when I first go back to the gym. Because that was my first time back in a couple weeks. It's the same. So, well, mine's a couple months, but that's okay. I ain't judging you. It's fine. We kind of had the same weekend. Did we? Not really. I was like, what did you do? Well, we both had Father's Day on Sunday. My dad, we didn't actually do anything for my dad because he took out to Mexico with my mama. Forgot. Yeah, I think they're having fun though. Okay, that's good. That's cute. Yeah. They're like on a little vacation. Remember when we were in Mexico? Mi amor. Creo que before anyone else. Ah, okay. Background about context. Yeah. Was we were in line for Tacos Orinocos, and there was this couple in front of us, and Celeste loved the guy because he was so funny. They were like a little younger than us. Yeah. But they were so funny and so in love. Like kept kissing on each other and hugging on each other. And he kept asking her funny questions, and that was one of them. And it just kind of stuck with us. Every time we hear the word bae, we're like, Yay amor. Kissing me pika, bae. But how was the quinte? It was so much fun. I agree. I was there too, guys. It was probably I had the worst post-party depression. Oh, I was so sad the next day. I think had that been my family's party, I would have felt the same way because I the energy was amazing that day within your family. It was so good. Everyone looked so happy. Everyone was happy. It was a success. It was a long day. It was a long weekend. We were just on the move all freaking weekend. We were doing stuff every single night. Yeah. And all day Saturday, we were just up and at it. Did you enjoy yourself? I did. I had so much fun. You know that? Probably before this party, I would maybe dance one song, maybe the whole night. I was that person that only sat down. I don't know what's changed. I don't know if it's because I'm medicated. I don't know if it's because I turned 25 and I just don't care. Because a lot of it was anxiety. Like, oh my gosh, what do I look like? Do I look good? Do I look like I know what I'm doing? Do I look dumb? Yeah. I just don't really care anymore. To be honest. That's good. I feel like maybe at one point I was like that too. Really? Maybe I think I've always loved to dance, but I think there was a point where I like. I think maybe I don't know. I think there was a point though where I just didn't really want to dance. I just feel a little uncomfortable. But I've always loved to dance. And oh no, I haven't. On Saturday, I did not stop. No, we could not get this girl off the dance floor. I wanted to be on the dance floor the whole time. The whole time. And I tried getting everybody on the dance floor. And I feel like for the most part, a lot of people was always joining you. Yeah, everybody did such a great job. I just wanted my niece's name is Vivi, and I just knew she wanted everybody to be on the dance floor and she wanted everybody to have a good time.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

So besides me, I just wanted everybody to be on the dance.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

Your dream came true. You know what I noticed? We didn't sing happy birthday to her. I don't think that happened to Quincenas. We didn't do that at mine. We didn't do that at Gabby's either. I don't think that happened at Quincenas. Oh. Because my little cousin Adi, she just had hers a couple years, like a year or two ago. She I don't think we say happy birthday to her either. This is interesting. This is really interesting. Because that'd be really good. Why wouldn't we? Yeah, there's so many people. Imagine the whole like everyone saying happy birthday. That's huge. I'm pretty sure they did that for me. I don't know, but I had a really good time, and I'm so grateful for everybody that like just did their best to pull through. My mom made like salsa for everybody because my sister had this bright ass freaking idea to have a bunch of carts of what she wanted. So it would be like the esquita cart, and then I don't know what else she had. She had the popcorn, slushy machine. She had a slushy machine, like she had a bunch of like munchies. Yeah, like for the end of the night, and my mom like made everything that Saturday morning so that we could have it for the party. She's real for that. No, my mom got down and everybody was talking about everything. The sun's happy amazing. Everybody was just so happy. But I'm so grateful that everybody just came together for it. The night before on Friday night, we were like doing desserts, like everybody was at the house. My what would we call him? Your boy. I hope he'll be my boyfriend soon. He's taking a little long, but he was at the house the entire weekend, like just helping. He was like transporting stuff from Bay to the venue and was just so helpful. And my family really appreciated that. And I feel like that's such a green flag. That is such a green flag. We need everybody to really lock in on that because your man needs to be doing the absolute most. He needs to make your life easier. Yeah. And your family's life easier. Yeah, and I feel like he was really doing that the entire weekend. Yeah, I agree. Even at the party, like he would just I think I would say, like, oh, I kind of want this. Boom. I feel like gone. That's how, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how my boyfriend is too. I feel like I could just be like, um, water would be nice. Boom. And that is so freaking nice. I agree. I think that that is such a red flag. I mean, that is such a green flag. Why is he doing that? No, no, no. It is such a green flag. And it's not that, I don't know. I feel like my partners in the past were helpful, but I don't know. The way that my boyfriend does it is like I never feel indebted to him, or like I'm asking for too much, or like I'm being too needy. He's just, no, I want you to be comfortable. Yeah, I've definitely had partners too where they just want to do things as well. But it um it almost with other people, it almost felt like I was asking for too much, or like it was this big deal. Or not this big deal, but it was a formative too. It felt like uh yeah, I'll do it. You know, sure, I'll do it for you. Yeah, I'll do it for them. Oh, can you give me a napkin? Yeah, but with this guy, it kind of just it feels like he just so much. That's who he is. He's just so happy to do it. Yeah, yeah, so that was fun. He definitely my family really, really liked him. They'd already met him, but like I think this definitely showed him. And I think it's a good example of how we shouldn't accept bare minimum. Yeah, I was gonna say, Do you think that's bare minimum? What uh this is what we're gonna talk about today, because what is bare minimum? Yeah, I think to answer your question, I don't think that it's bare minimum, but I also Okay, okay. I think it is a little bare minimum to want to do all those things at the end of the day. You're not just dating me, you're dating not dating my family, but like they're involved in my life as well, and so that just comes with dating me. So I don't feel like it's bare minimum, but I also think the energy that he brings and how he handles things, like I think that's what makes it like that different type of treatment, you know what I mean? That's what makes it not bare minimum or special, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

What do you think is bare minimum?

SPEAKER_01 8:23

I feel like every person has their own definition of what's bare minimum. Because what's bare minimum to me may not be what's bare minimum to you. I feel like to me, bare minimum is being a good human and being a good partner, and what I think a good partner is is helpful, respectful, loyal, and honest. I feel like that's bare minimum, and I feel like everything on top of that is nice. I think that's special treatment, princess treatment. Yeah. So yeah, I feel like as long as you're honest, loyal, respectful, helpful, that's what you should be. Yeah. Unfortunately, a lot of bare minimum men are winning though. So I think that's what we're gonna talk about on this episode, too. Because a lot of men, a lot of men do the absolute bare minimum on the freaking floor, the bar is low, and they get away with it, and they have the prettiest women by their side. So it's we need to take them away from them. Hopefully, this episode does it for you guys, and it's like a realization check, and you're like, hmm. Maybe I need somebody more. Yeah, I hope so. I hope all my girls upgrade that song. Let me upgrade. I've actually never heard that song. I don't know what you're talking about. I think it's by Beyonce. I know. I think love language plays a lot into what someone's bare minimum is because let's say texting to me is just uh whatever. I per I think quality time is the bare minimum in a relationship more than texting is. Yeah, and with I need to call him something. I don't want to say his name. What's his name? We're gonna call this guy Mikey. Tom Bill Cowboy. Nah. We're gonna call this guy Your Cella Boo. Even though you met him at stagecoach. We'll call him Tom. Okay, Tom. We'll call him Tom. Damn it, where was I going with this? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. With Tom, we don't text at all. I think we will probably go days without seeing a text message on it because we just he'll call me, I'll call him. We don't really text. And yeah, I don't feel like texting is as as big as someone makes it, but I do think communication is and talking to someone as much as you can. I think that's so important. You guys don't text at all?

SPEAKER_00 10:39

Not really.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

Really? Yeah. I feel like me and Sushi talk. I mean, we text throughout the day. We our meaningful conversations are over the phone or in person because like yeah, we'll send each other a couple text messages, but sometimes I won't get a text from him until 3 p.m. But that's working. He'll call me throughout his workday. Yeah. And if I'm at work, I feel like I'll call him throughout my work day. Like that's what I think. It's not really this texting thing, which I actually enjoy. I think I actually hate texting. Oh, yeah. I love texting my friends. Yeah. But I mean a relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think I prefer phone calls too. It's just not realistic with my job. Yeah. You know, I just work in healthcare, so like it's harder. It's harder. Hipa. Hippah. Be careful what you hear over the phone. But yeah. So I think for like someone who's into gift giving, like if that's your love language and like your man never gets you a gift, it's like you're not even reaching my bare minimum. So But that really sucks because sometimes not every man has like the needs or love. That's not your man. Yeah. I hate to say it, then that's not your man. Because you're always gonna want what you can't. Yeah, like you're always gonna have an unfulfilled expectation. Yeah. And if that is your bare minimum, if your bare minimum is physical touch, if your bare minimum is quality of time, if your bare minimum is a gift, and they can't meet that, then it's like you're constantly unfulfilled and unhappy. It's very true. So yeah, but that's what I was gonna say. Like you can't give your girl what she needs, like you shouldn't be in that relationship. Really shouldn't be, you know, totally understand what you're saying right there. I totally get it. Right. I mean, but you know what I also think sometimes with bare minimum is like when is it bare minimum and when is it like low-key asking for too much? Because I feel like my bare minimum, yeah, I know I listed like five main groups, but like bare minimum is also I don't know, I feel like my partner has really set the standard high for things, so like I notice if he's a little tired that month, if you know what I mean, or like I'm like, the flowers are dead. Like, you know, usually I get flowers like every couple weeks, and when it's been a few weeks and not a couple, I'm like, oh, you don't love me anymore, you know. But then it's also a girl, like that's just a nice gesture. Like, is that really your bare minimum, or is it a nice gesture? So I struggle with that. Because unfortunately, like everything's the bare minimum I has. Unfortunately for my partner, that's okay though.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

I mean, with with each situation is different though.

SPEAKER_01 13:27

Then if he's okay with that, then by all means, you know. But that's the that's how you guys both have to be on the same page. So but bare minimum to you should be whatever you think it is. And if you're saying meeting that, then it's different. Then you gotta go. You hear that, ladies? Standards are standards are high, but that's the way they should be. Yeah, so like for both people too, like you have to meet your own bare minimum too. Like, you know, you can't be like, oh my gosh, I want the world and you're a POS. Come on, ladies, you know. But I feel like we a lot of women I know, and I know my listeners are like this, we're like women of high, high value. So our bare minimum should be a little higher. Nothing's wrong with that. I have seen some women that are so freaking good to their men and they be eating the bare minimum. Exactly. And then I'm like, let's bring it down, ladies. If he's not meeting it, he's gotta go. Let's stop doing more than we need to. More than they deserve. Yeah, for sure. What do you feel is something now that you would be like, alright, I'm not doing that in your relationship now? Is the bare minimum that used to be special before. Or not even in your relationship now, but let's just say now that you're grown, a little bit more older, what do you think is something that you wouldn't absolutely not take now? Something that I well, I mean, I don't want to go super deep. Like abuse. All right, not too much. No, in this light. Yeah. So I'm like, how dark do I get? I think something that I just wouldn't accept now would probably be like disrespect on like social media and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00 15:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

Like, I feel like I had partners that would like other girls' pictures and stuff at one point, and I would just be like, Oh, that's their friend. No, you need to delete the app if you can't use it correctly. Matter of fact, why am I even talking to you if you can't use the app respectfully? Like, so that's that's my thing. Because I feel like in high school, especially on Twitter, oh, those likes used to really piss me off. I'd be like, Why are you liking it? No, the fact that there was like a like tab that you telling people and see. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That used to really piss me off. And it was like guys that I was talking to, and I'd be like, Well, they're not my boyfriend, but it's like, what the heck? You're literally on probate. I feel like dating is like when you have a job and you're on probation. Like you have 90 days, you have three months to prove if you're gonna be my man or not. Right. Off the record though, is this how you feel like the other way around? Do you feel like you're on probation for the man? No. So you can like you can like other people's pictures. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I would never do that. I never did that before. Okay. It's not the same behavior, but it's the same mentality. I don't think that I have to prove myself to a man. What about your friend? He needs to pursue me. No. Would you like whatever you want to do? No, I'm asking you though. Oh, would I like my friend's guy pictures? Yeah. Well, I only have two, so yeah. I don't really have a lot of I don't really like to be friends with men. You want me to ask you? I'm in trouble, so that's why I'm asking. But I understand it. At the same time, I understand it. I was having this conversation and I was like, you know, I just feel like I'm not the one that needs to try it. I'm just if you want me, you want me, you're gonna do what you have to do. And but I do understand that it should also be the same way. And I should also be reciprocating that same thing, even if I don't mean it in that way. Like, yeah, I have all these friends, but I think in disrespectful terms, yes. If that is what is disrespectful to him, yeah, the both parties should be respecting each other's feelings, time, effort. But I what I mean bare minimum, partly the I guess I guess, yeah, actually, both partners should be like honest, loyal, helpful, communicative, or whatever. Yeah. But you don't need to be f buying him flowers or right. I agree. No, I agree, and I think it's really interesting, like how the double standards go a little bit, like how much we have to like I think also well, hold on. I'm still thinking about what you were asking me. Yeah. And I feel like you also have to be open. If both of you guys are still able to date, then you can that's your own behavior. If you want to like pictures, like pictures. But if you guys have both decided that you're exclusive but you're not boyfriend and girlfriend, then it's well, yeah, you agree to that. You can't be doing that. So yeah, uh, don't make me ever agree with a man ever again. Anyway, anyways, I learned no, but sometimes we're getting a little off topic here because it we're talking about bare minimum, but I also think that whatever the man wants for himself, I think him having standards and him having green flags. Yeah, I think it's we talked about this in the red flags episode, I think. Like you want to make sure that you're with somebody who also respects himself, and you know, the same way that I wouldn't want that for me, he's showing me that he doesn't want that for himself. So gotta respect it, gotta put some respect on it. Yeah, I was humbled. What is something that is bare minimum now, but was very special to you back then that was like impressive? I think always driving is something that I that is really good. That's crazy that I used to think was so special back then, but maybe it was because I was younger, I don't know. But now I'm like, he should always be driving. I agree, and I love that my man always loves to drive, he will never ever tell me to drive. Yes, I agree, and I think that is so nice, and I love to drive, I do, but with other people I hate it. I think the only time that I ever drive my partner is and I actually hate this. This is a problem, this is tea, guys. This actually pisses me off. But I understand, I get it, is I drive when he has drank. We kind of know that that's what's gonna happen, and he always asks me and I always say yes, but it's still a little piece of me. It pisses me off. And I was talking to Haley about it at the Keensay actually, and I was like, and she was asking him, What if you guys both drank? What would you do? And he was like, I would Uber us there and back, like like and so it was nice that it was like, Okay, that option is there, yeah. Need be, but also I wouldn't want an Uber to take us home. Hmm, I know what I'm gonna talk about today over dinner. But other than that, and 95% of the time, 98% of the time, he always drives, and I agree. But you know what? That was low-key bare minimum to me about that too. Like it was bare minimum to you? Yes, I live 30 minutes from where I went to high school, and guys after everybody wanted me after we graduated, really pissed me off, okay? I was like, okay, I didn't know then you have bagged like this, but I guess I did. And they would come from Corona Norgo to come and pick me up. And I was like, okay. So they kind of set that standard of like, oh, okay, cool, yeah. The guy should always pick me up. But you know what helped too? I didn't drive. I didn't get my license till I was 21. Girl. So maybe that's why. And when Nikki moved home, she was on the freeway, like about to run into semi-drucks. No, I had never really driven in California. That was crazy. We could tell. Yeah, you could tell. Everybody could tell, especially with the organ plates. They were like, ah, it makes sense. You and everybody else on the road. No, that's that's a good point, though. That driving is really important. Because I know some girls so like my boyfriend doesn't have a car, like, you know, bare minimum, he needs to be employed. He needs to have a license, a valid license. I've been with a man who has not been employed. That's sick. Well, I haven't been with him actually. No, you left him before he got dirty. That's true. And they need to have a running car. It doesn't really matter as long as it runs and doesn't break down in the middle of the freeway. He needs to be very respectful and nice to you. And he needs to be whatever you need him to be. Yeah, I feel like that's the most important part here. Yeah. And I feel like what's the bare minimums in datings? Because people listening to this, like maybe they're dating, like, maybe they're not in relationships. And I know you're not like officially in a relationship, but like you're pretty tied down. Like you're only talking to this guy, you know? Okay. That I know of. Yeah. So I'm like, well. Is the bare minimum dating? What do you think about men who actually make reservations versus a guy who's very good with the flow? Oh, we're gonna go. Still makes the still makes an effort to plan a date, but it's not very I don't feel like that's bare minimum. I think that's special. I think that's very sweet. What part? The reservation part. No, you should pick the restaurant and tell me what time we're gonna go and be there. But like actually calling to make the reservation, I don't think that's always necessary. So I think if they do it, I'm like, oh my gosh, like wow, you really thought three steps ahead of the game. Yeah. No, I really I really hate sitting and like feeling. And right now where we're gonna eat. Oh yeah, me too. It really turns me off. I'm like, actually, I want to go home. Actually, I'm not hungry. Yeah, actually like I'm not hungry. What do you what do you think about like opening doors and stuff? Bare minimum? Yeah. I don't know why my laptop like gave out. Is dead, about to die. Back to bare minimum. Like, when is it not enough? When is it too much or whatever? What happened according? Like, why is it too much? Why is my bare minimum too much? And why is it that when you guys know that the girl likes you, it's like ah, that's enough. What is your don't you know my mom always says, don't let them get comfortable. Yeah. Like when they have you, don't let them get comfortable. But then it's like, how do you make them you stay a bitch? That's how. I'm telling y'all. Pick that fight. I'm just gonna No, honestly, it's not picking a fight, it's communicating. And if they take offense to it, they're wrong. So no, you know, I actually got into a fight with I think we said we're gonna call him Tom. I actually got into a fight with Tom at Beginson because he was hanging out with all my friends while I was on the dance for the entire time. And I was like, Did you come to hang out with my friends or did you come to hang out with me? And what'd he do? He went out dance for a job. He was already dancing. He was already doing a good job at dancing with her. I was just, I told him, I said, I think I just wanted you all to myself. I don't know how else to explain it. I think that's that's how I saw it. That's not a problem. But it's okay. Sometimes I just don't know how to be mean. I don't feel like I'm mean. I don't feel like I am. Do you think I am? Yeah. I think me and you are both a little a little bitchy sometimes. I used to think Haley was so bitchy. I used to be like, oh, she's calling us. That's crazy if we literally said her name and she's calling us. Yeah, I should think she was so bitchy, but I think it's important to be a bitch actually now that you've mentioned it. I think so too. I think it really makes a relationship strong. You know what I mean? Like if you can handle my bitchiness, you can handle anything when it comes to me. I don't feel like I'm an angry person or like I think I'm actually really happy. I don't think I yeah. Yeah, I think my baseline is pretty happy, chill. Chill. Well, maybe not chill, but you know, happy. Sometimes though, you know, I really wanted to talk about dating, but like that's just not where I'm at in my life right now. I'm like in a relationship, and I do feel like in a relationship, you do as long as the bare minimum's being met and the special treatment is being met, I do feel like sometimes I need to appreciate the bare minimum sometimes more than I do. I think you do too. Yeah. Okay. You can tell me why after. No, no, no. Actually, tell me why. No, I just think sometimes, yes, you do. You are very good about knowing what you deserve, and I'm very proud of you. And I but I forget about stuff. Yeah, you inspire me a lot, and I think that sometimes I forget to be like that too. But sometimes, yeah, you do have to remember that the bare minimum matters sometimes, and like yeah, life is hard, work is hard. There's so many different things going on besides just this relationship, and there's so especially on one person, like all their expenses, all their own personal problems, all their own just personal situations that are going on in life. And sometimes we do just have to remember that it's not all about us and other things are going on, and yeah, him taking one hour out of his day to either come spend time here as much as we think it's bare minimum, which it is, it's also really sweet, and it matters, and it matters, yeah. It matters. I think that's the biggest thing is it's not that I forget, is that I forget how important it is that that is being met, that he's always communicating with me, he's always putting in effort to see me, he's always trying to make me happy, and I need to not focus on the times that he doesn't. Yeah, thank God. Well, now I have another topic for dinner. Aw well, that's good. I think that'll make you extra happy to go see him. Okay, so we haven't done one of these in a while, but I feel like this is such a fun topic that we just have to bring back a little segment. Yeah, we did this on our red flags episode. Yeah, and that was much fun. I feel like my mom was like, I was tagging along. We had a couple people that were like so infatuated. Yeah, and like we're telling you. What the heck? Yeah, I was like, really? Infatuated, like into that. So drum roll, please. Is this bare minimum or dot dot dot? He double texts you and you don't respond. Bare minimum. Bare minimum. You should be double texting. It's just a text. Like he plans the entire date, start to finish. Also bare minimum, in my opinion. I think it's bare minimum too. He pays every time. Bare minimum. So I'm sorry. I think for I learned my lesson. I think for I think for big dates like dinners and stuff, I think yes. I think sometimes I can pay for ice cream and stuff. I do feel bad, especially with this guy. I just know how hard he works, so I feel a little bad. I know some might disagree, like he should be working that hard, but I I feel bad for him sometimes. You're looking at me. I'm disgusted. No, I wish I give him my phone. Let me take a picture of you. That's gonna be the post picture. No, I respect everyone's viewpoint. I respect it. I have a lot of respect for how people think. Yeah, I mean, thankfully I don't have to. I've learned the worst way. That's why I think I've been there too, which is the worst experience and the most embarrassing experience, honestly. No, and I've been there too, and I totally know what you mean. But I think it's sweet, and that's also your personality. Yeah, it's just personality is like that, like girl, I paid for two Ubers. She's like, no, no, no, I have to pay for the next six. What? That doesn't even math out. That's just your personality. So I think that has more to do with you than the actual situation, honestly. You're just a very giving person. Which I'm trying to work on because I do feel like I I am that way, but I've been trying to be better about it. But yeah, I think every here and there I do like to put in a little bit because I don't put in much. So it's no, that's nice here and there. But I haven't, I feel like I'm thinking back and I was like, I feel like I've only paid for ice cream two times. So you're telling the future? Yeah. You're like, I possibly may pay for a coffee in the near future. That's me though. But I also think of it as okay, like in this day and age, like if you it's not if you can't provide or if you can't pay for things, you also shouldn't be getting into that relationship. You know what I mean? Like that's you shouldn't be getting a girlfriend. Like if you can afford somebody, yes, I agree. No, I agree, I agree. Right? I do think that there comes a point in time where you can you can pay a little bit here and there if it's just a little bit, or you know, something like that. But I do think that it comes with the relationship for the man. Yeah, like you'll earn my contribution. Exactly. He remembers things that you told him weeks ago. I think that's not bare minimum, and I'll tell you why. I agree. Really forgetful, so forgetful. And sometimes I forget things. I'll forget things you told me this morning. Like, yeah. So if you remember stuff, it's not I don't necessarily feel that it's oh, you don't care enough because you don't remember what I said. But I do think I think that way, but I know I need to not think that way. Yeah, but I do think that it's really sweet when they do remember it. Yeah, no, it will hurt my feelings, but I'm trying to rewire that part of me and know that they don't need to remember every single detail of every single thing I've ever freaking said. Because I'd be talking a lot. He says, I'm not ready for a relationship, but still acts like your man. That is not even that is not even actually a red flag. That belongs on the red flags episode. I don't even think that's a minimum. I don't think that's associated with bare minimum. Print nothing. No. Get it out. That actually belongs on the red flags episode. He posts you. Bare minimum. You know what's really funny? I don't think that's bare minimum. I think that's a sweet gesture. Let me tell you why. Because when me and my man first started dating, he's not a social media poster. He is, but it's not that big to him, and he's a very, very private person. I just already assumed from the very beginning that he was never gonna post me ever. And I accepted that before we were even boyfriend and girlfriend, and I was like, okay, same here. But then when he did, I was like, oh, like that I remember I was like ding ding ding. He likes me. I think it's a nice gesture, yeah. But I could see how it could be a bare minimum, especially if he is a social media poster, and you're a social media poster. Yeah, I'm a I was a really big social media poster. I took a little pause, but I was posting all weekend and it was so much fun. My mom was really happy.

SPEAKER_02 32:12

But it's like I'm just right there with her.

SPEAKER_01 32:14

It was so fun. Jackie's so funny. She's like, I saw you and your man dancing in in a video that Celeste posted or reposted, and I was like, damn, girl, you were zooming into the bag. How did you find something from all the posts? But she found it. He prays for you or with you. I actually think that is the sweetest thing ever. I don't think I've ever been with someone who sits and prays with me or wants to pray before dinner or anything like that. So I think that's a lot more than bare minimum. I would like that to be my bare minimum. I hope I get to a point in my spirituality and I create a covenant that that is our bare minimum. We pray before God every night. Special thing. He lets you go through his phone. Why do you want to do that? No, ladies. I need to know. I'm just kidding. He lets you go through his phone. That's not bare minimum. Because he doesn't have to. So if you want that in your relationship and he lets you, I think that that is sweet. He actually takes good pics of you. I actually think that this is very, very it's a bare minimum, but also very, very sweet because I believe you know how like when they say, Oh, if your friend takes bad pictures of you, it's because she's a hater. My mom, yeah, doesn't want to see I know the type. She doesn't want to see you win. No, seriously. That's how I feel about men too. Like if you can't take a decent picture of me, like you're my hater. You're jealous. Oh. You're a hater now. Now I have a new dinner topic. You can't because why?

unknown 33:43

No.

SPEAKER_01 33:45

I don't know who DM'd me. Ooh, he's eating with your pigs on that trip that we went to. And I was like, no, actually, I only get one good picture out of the day. It was me. All the days. Yeah, it was you. Out of all the days, and you're like, oh my god, stop. No, you look at it and all that. I'm okay. He's super affectionate in private, but not in public. How do you feel about that one? He's super affectionate in private, but not in public. It depends what your love language is. If your love language is physical touch and they're not doing that, then it's like you're not meeting my bare minimum of needs. For me, I like like on a scale from one to ten in public, I'm like at a four of public affectionate. Like you can hold my hand every once in a while. But yeah, so no, I think that's like a that's like a special thing. He says I got you, but never actually does. Financially? Red line. Could be.

SPEAKER_00 34:42

Yeah, I feel like that would be like a.

SPEAKER_01 34:43

No, I think dating guys, bare minimum is like he says he's gonna do something and doesn't I hate that. No, I hate that. He needs to be a man of his word. If this person is not a man of their word, you're in trouble, sister. Things are not gonna go the way that you think. Like a lifetime of disappointment. What about do you think it's bare minimum for like someone to open your doors? Yes, I do. Me too. And you know it's so crazy because I've gotten so in the habit of being with people who like don't always open your door for you. Like, Tom will always open my door when I get into the truck, and then he'll always open it when I get out of the truck too. And I feel like I've been with people who like only open the door when you get inside of the truck, which is very sweet still, but they forget to like go around and open the door for you. So I think that's really sweet. He does that. Yeah, yeah. I love me, don't open it. And one time I opened it, one time I opened the door. Shut it. And I shut it because I remembered. So, really, ladies, it's up to you guys what you think is spare minimum and what you think is special. But let it be what you deserve. Yeah. What you want, yeah. What do you want out of your man? What do you want in your relationship? Oh, I like that. What's gonna make you happy? Because I feel like I'm gonna be able to do it. What's gonna make you feel special too in your relationship and loved? Yes, because can I be really, really honest? I'm really, really, really honest. In a past relationship, I feel like I was just so comfortable, and you just kind of let all these things go. Keep in mind I was with the guy for so many years, but it's like I don't ever want to get to a point where it's like, oh, we've been together for so long, like it's fine if it's bare minimum. No, that is so lame. I want to be in love for the rest of my life. Like, I should have known back-the special forever. Yeah, like I should have known then that like I was not gonna be in love forever because those things weren't like as natural as they should have been. Yeah, they weren't as consistent or like you know, so I think it's really important to not to just remember what you want for yourself. Like, it's okay to be honest with yourself and be like, actually, this is bare minimum. But if you want a man who's always gonna open your door, close your door, or always gonna be affectionate with you, or hang out with your family, or do all these things that you don't think are bare minimum, keep going for that and just make it known. Don't be afraid of making it known when you're in a relationship. Like, it's important to keep that in mind while you're dating because that's like the beginning stages. But when the relationship progresses, keep it known because then people forget. Yeah. And other way around, men, if you're listening, it's okay too to like also know have standards, have standards and know what you want. Yeah, I actually can respect a man who like also wants I agree, yeah. Me too. Yeah. If you want a woman who's gonna pay for stuff, let her know. Date a man. Hold on, what if you want a woman that's gonna pay for stuff and take care of you financially? You're looking for a man.

unknown 37:32

Hold on.

SPEAKER_01 37:33

No, but what this is really nice and understanding. I'm not, okay? That's crazy. No, guys, what I mean though, what I mean by that is just everyone's there's somebody for everybody. You're so right. You know, right. If that, if you let that person know and that person's well, you're not gonna get that with me, that's one way to go about it. You know? No, I think you're so right, and that's that's a standard that I set in my relationship. But also be careful with that. Like a lot of men, unfortunately, a lot of men do take that and they run with it, they do feel more powerful if they're the ones that are financially supporting or doing all of that. So I feel like this is what I mean when you just have to really be communicative with your partner and you really have to make things known. Yeah, you can pay for all my stuff, but I don't know if this is making sense. I have a lot of people. You're really going off. I just don't. I'm like, I get nervous for the people that get in relationships and yes, the man pays for everything, and that's great and all, but I think we cannot let the man think every that they're this powerful man just because they pay for everything. And in every aspect of your relationship, you should not be dependent on each other. Vice versa. The man should not be overly dependent on the woman to remind him to do things or to help him out with things or to cook and clean all the time. And the woman, you know, I'm just talking traditional rules here, you know. The woman shouldn't expect the man to shouldn't be dependent on the man to provide and to always help her do things and pump her gas and like all this stuff. Like, yes, it's nice when it's done for each other, but it shouldn't be so dependent that it's if they can't do it, you're screwed. You know, if they can't fulfill it, then you're screwed a hundred percent. I agree with that, but I'm talking best case scenario, you know. I'm talking like, don't date potential, date what you want. Yeah, that's a big thing that my dad told me when I first started dating my boyfriend. And I told my dad, like, hey dad, I'm seeing this guy, blah blah blah. And my dad was like, the only thing I'm gonna tell you is take him at face value and accept him for who he is today, because this is who he will always be. And I took that as yeah, he can grow and he can learn to cater to certain things, like certain needs that I have, but at the end of the day, who he is today is who he is. I you shouldn't go into something thinking, oh, but he has so much potential, he could be this way, he could be that way. No, he is who he is, and I feel like when you fall for potential, like you're just setting yourself up for failure, you know, and so and if you're dating young too, like I feel like my nieces listen to it. That's a big thing. And I think my nieces, I think maybe when I was my niece's age, I would have thought, well, he's so young, we're still we're still learning, we're still growing, and like it'll get better, or things will get better, or he's gonna be a better man. People are like, just think about it. People, yeah, people are who they are, and they've been raised to be a certain way, and it's yeah, people can grow all the time, but like to do a complete 360 and change your whole personality, like that's probably not gonna happen. But back to the topic of bare minimum and dating, bare minimum looks different for everybody. I don't think that bare minimum is bad treatment, like I said, like bare minimum is all the basic pillars of being a good human to me, and special treatment is what you want it to be, and I hope that you guys are getting both. I really hope that you guys are getting both, and feeling in love, I think that's so important. I feel like if you feel like genuinely in loved and cherished, and like important, you want to feel important to your partner, and I think the way that they do that is by doing the special things, and so yeah, those are our two cents about bare minimum. What are you so seriously serious about? I am so seriously serious about not caring what people think. Um yeah, like thinking back to the dancing, like I was so surprised by myself that I like got up and danced and actually had fun. Yeah, you know what? Actually, my niece said, you know, Nikki said she didn't know how to dance, but I know she knows how to dance, so she needed to get up on there. Yeah, that's what Gabby said. She was like, Oh, and I heard and you said you didn't know how to dance, and I was like, that's actually the sweetest thing anybody had told me the whole day. I don't think she knows what that meant to me. So when you listen, I hope you know what that meant to me because I just and it's not even just dancing, there's been so many things that I don't do out of fear of rejection, out of fear of embarrassing myself, and it's like people don't care as much as you think they care, and if they care more than they should care, they probably don't matter. Yeah, you know, they're probably not best-intentioned people, and I think it helped that a lot of people were crunk that night that I was like, they're not even gonna remember if I look bad, but I just want to not care what people think. I which I feel like I'm already on my way to thinking that with. I want to start new hobbies and maybe put myself out there and Instagram. I feel like I've been like putting myself out there with posting more. And I'm like, if you don't really like how much I post or what I post, you don't have to follow me. I agree. And so who knows what I'll do with that, but that's pretty much what I'm really seriously serious about. And you know, I wish that it made me think about my younger self, and I was like, wow, I wish that she felt how I felt now because there are so many other memories I probably could have made, but that's okay. That's okay. You can't live in the past, and you still made so many memories, and there was a reason for everything, and there's a reason why I was the way that I was, and the way that I was was fine, nothing was wrong with her. She's perfect and beautiful, and I love her. But I'm like, dang, she is you could have done some cool stuff, girl. But you were scared, but you can't do it. But I'm not scared anymore, and now I'm just gonna say yes to everything. Yeah, I need to be careful with that because I have been saying yes to everything, and I feel you, girl. I'm tired. Yeah, it's exhausting. But yeah, that's what I'm seriously serious about. What are you seriously serious about? I am so seriously serious about those who show up for me, and I feel like this party was like something we've been looking forward to for so long, and everybody who was there, or everybody that I invited showed up, they dressed up, they looked beautiful, and they really wanted to be there. And you know, it was really nice to see everybody come together and just have a good time to celebrate one of my nieces. And even some of my friends, I was like, Well, they almost told me they weren't gonna come, and I was like, Really? I was like taking that I was taking it to heart, you know, but it's because I wanted you there so badly that they went because they knew this would be a problem, and so they went, and that felt really nice because it's like I matter to you, and I just want to be more serious about those people and you know go on trips with them and go on a go on date nights with all my friends because it's really important to me to show up for them too. So I'm really happy that that everybody was there and it was so much fun. It was so much fun. We gotta throw another party. I know that's what we were talking about. Yeah, Haley's wedding. That's still months away. I know, but we have her birthday. That's true. We have a lot to do. So do we really want to do? We have my birthday before we have her wedding. We have our bachelorette. We my birthday, we have your birthday. Yeah, we got a lot of things. I'm gonna go crazy. I'm not gonna say what I want to do for my birthday because I don't know for sure. I have to think it out. And then I will start inviting everybody, but I'm really excited about my birthday. That's what I'm excited about. Planning stuff too. Me too. I did. That's so funny that you say that because I was like planning the I was making my next itinerary, but then I was like, let's look at stuff for my birthday. I didn't know I was talking to my coworker about that. She's like, oh, when's your birthday? I think she thought that it was gonna be sooner. I was like, March, she was like, Oh next year? I'll sit down. I was like, you'll get to know me real quick. But that's all we have for you guys this week. And we hope you guys enjoyed. Thank you for listening. Let us know what you think is bare minimum and what you think is special treatment. And I'd love to hear what you guys think. And also, if you want any specific topics, please let us know. We're so open minded about talking. We want to talk about what you guys want to hear, so let us know. Yeah. Bye.