Seriously... Everything Happens For A Reason

This week, the Celeste & Nikky are asking the question: does everything really happen for a reason? From seeing old flames to ending friendships that cause heartbreak and experienced moments that genuinely hurt... they're talking through the situations that can be hard to make sense of in real time. The girls talk about what the phrase "everything happens for a reason" means to them and whether healing comes from believing it to be true or how toxic is can be to create meaning from it themselves. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Good morning. Good morning. How are you, Batty?

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Uh, I'm so good today. Why? I just feel good. You feel happy? I love starting my day of life.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

You feel productive.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

I do feel productive. I feel productive. I'm happy we have coffee on the way. We do. We do. Some coffee. Some coffee.

SPEAKER_01 0:30

My nieces are asleep. My nieces are asleep. You know, I really need to know how that ordering goes. Uh yeah, Bianca, if you're listening, um, you need a better system.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

Yeah, I needed some good content. Not content, but just like instructions on how to order. Um because I do love amori dulce. Coffee. So good, so good. Sometimes we have to order somewhere else though.

SPEAKER_01 0:57

They're asleep. And it's the worst.

SPEAKER_00 1:02

How are you this morning?

SPEAKER_01 1:03

I'm fantastic. I have never felt better. Wow. Alive. I feel well. I feel great.

SPEAKER_00 1:11

I just had a great I'm just having a great day. You are having a great day.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

It's just getting started. Just getting started. 7 a.m. Do you have plans this weekend?

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Um not really. Really? Yeah. Fourth of July. I know, and for 4th of July, we always do um my family always does like a really big, like kind of like a blog party type of thing where we go to my aunt's house. Everybody does fireworks. Like my cousin will like pull out her mini pancake heart. Like we have a food, like so much fun. We do that every single year, and I've done that since I was a little kid. But I just saw that my cousin's fiancee is in Mexico, so I don't think she's gonna be there, and like I just love going to stuff when I know she's gonna be there. So the fact that she's not gonna be there makes me kind of sad. Ooh, so you don't know if you're gonna go. Yeah, I don't know. I think I will still, but I gotta feel it out. But um, no, it was really funny because Tom went and bought a bunch of fireworks, and I was like, Where are you gonna pop these fireworks at? Like, why are we getting so many fireworks? Yeah, and he was like, Well, can't I pop them in Santa Ana? Don't you guys pop them in San Anna? And I was like, Don't you pop them? And I was like, Let's get these poppins. I was like, Yeah, we do, but you just got so many or whatever. And then he was like, Well, I'm not gonna show up empty-handed, I gotta show up with fireworks. And at the key and said, all my little cousins fell in love with Tom. So he just feels like he has to keep up the vibes. I don't think he thought of it like that because he was like, I just can't show up empty-handed. But I was like, Well, now the guys are really gonna love you because they're gonna be so excited with these crazy ass fireworks that you're buying. Because they're insane, they're not like. I've never such a firework in my life. He said something about like it almost sounded like Laurel Canyon, but it's not a Laurel Canyon. It was like this weird name that he was like. What the heck is Laurel Canyon? I don't know. We were talking about it with his brother the other night. We were in the kitchen and we were talking about it, and his brother said, like, Do you want me to get you some? And he was like, Oh hell yeah.

unknown 3:10

And I was like, Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

Oh yeah, give me some of those Laurel Canyon bioloks.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

I have to remember what they're called, but like a pop them off. But then Sunday, we're supposed to go to the Dodger game. We're not going to the Dodger game anymore. We're going, um, I think we might go to LA to see our friend Braden. And then we want to see the Mexico game. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

What are you doing? Um on Saturday, we are doing wait, that would be low-key kind of fun if like anyways, hold on. Let me finish telling you what I'm gonna do, and then you tell me if you think it sounds fun, and if it doesn't sound fun, then that's fine. Well, Saturday um we're going to San Diego to see the big boom fireworks show. Apparently, it's like the last year that they're gonna do it because they're gonna do a drone show. Um, so me, sushi, my brothers, my parents, we're gonna go and barbecue all freaking day. Can't wait. And then Sunday is a med school game, and my brother ordered a huge projector screen. It's like, I don't even know if it's gonna fit in the backyard, but we're gonna watch the Mexico game on it. A turnip. That sounds so fun. And we're gonna do like low carnezala. Ayy, no, that sounds so fun. So that's an option if you guys don't end up going.

SPEAKER_01 4:24

Oh my gosh, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

Yeah, I feel like that would be fun. I feel like Mason would like my parents. I mean Tom. I feel like Tom would like my parents, you know.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

I want to just start calling him by his name. I don't think he'll mind, but I also.

SPEAKER_00 4:32

Yeah, he's literally tagged in everything.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

Right.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

He'd be tagging and commenting. He's like, say my name. Say my name.

SPEAKER_01 4:40

I think he'd be fine, actually.

SPEAKER_00 4:41

He has such a nice name.

SPEAKER_01 4:42

He does have a he does have such a cute name.

SPEAKER_00 4:44

I like his name.

SPEAKER_01 4:45

I think he'd be flattered too.

SPEAKER_00 4:47

He'd be such a big head.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

He'd be like, hard launch. Seriously, just girls hard launch. Um yeah, I really if we don't end up seeing Brayden, I think we want to see Brayden.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:58

I wish Brayden would come here, but that's like such a push for and that's a lot.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

Um No, that would be fun. You guys should go. I bet it would be lit over there. Yeah. For the game. Hopefully, you guys found somewhere really good. Yeah. Um what was I gonna say? We were gonna go to the river with Sushi's family, but um also guys, I call him Sushi because his name, fun fact, is named after a fish. He wasn't named after a fish, but he was the name is a fish name. Mm-hmm. Anyway, so I I've called him Sushi because I've always used a sushi emoji since we first started dating and talking, and that's always been his contact name. That's really cute. Sushi. I really love that. Anyways, um, we were gonna go to the river with Sushi's family, but apparently, like a ton of people are going in. Yeah, that's for sure. He just like he doesn't mess with that, so um, we're not gonna do that, which I was excited to go to the river because I love his family so much, but I'm not gonna lie, I'm really excited to watch the medical game with my family because it's just like it's a different feeling, it's a different vibe when me and my parents are just watching soccer, like literally, it's on all day, all week. It's so much fun. Because I just know like my parents love it so much, so it just makes it fun. Because I'm like, alright, I could love it too. Which I grew up playing soccer, so I like it. But I mean, the World Cup obviously is super fun. It's like the Olympics, you know. Like, when do I ever watch volleyball ever in my life? But during the Olympics, I'm like, oh, I'm a pro. Like, I know she's locked in. Yeah, I know who's good and who's not, but yeah, that's pretty much my weekend plans. I I it was so crazy. Someone asked me to work their shift, they're like, I'll pay you $200 to work my shifts. I know. On Sunday? Yeah, and I was like, no, on Saturday. And I'm still like, mm, maybe I should do it.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

That sounds kind of good.

SPEAKER_00 7:05

That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 7:06

We're just workaholics, I think.

SPEAKER_00 7:08

Yeah. Well, you more than me, but yeah, I'm just like, mmm, some money sounds nice. But I don't know. We'll see, we'll see, we'll see. I feel like I should, but well, what's the shift? Can you still make it out to Yeah? I mean, the fireworks show is not gonna be till like 8 p.m., probably. You should do it. Yeah. I know my parents were like, I was like, but don't you guys want to be with me all day? They're like, no, go make money.

SPEAKER_01 7:31

And I was like, actually, we don't want to be with you.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

Yeah, they're like, no, actually, like, get off our back. I was like, oh. I thought they'd be like, no, you can't work. You have to be with us. They're damned if they do and damned if they don't. Because if they were like, no, you have to hang out with us, I'd be like, oh, give me some freedom.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

I was just thinking and maybe I should do yellow nails and yellow toes.

SPEAKER_00 7:55

You and my mom have the same thing going on right now.

SPEAKER_01 7:58

I've had this for like the last two months. Like, I sound really good. They just it eats, but I can't eat. Yeah, I can't get away from the French tip. I just feel powerful. But I need to change it. It's very classy. Because the other day my boss was like, this was like right after the kinsa. She's like, Didn't you get your nails done for the quinza? And I was like, Yeah, I did. And I showed her and she was like, Oh. She was like, Have you just had French tip for a long time? And I was like, Yeah, I love French tip.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

Yesterday, my mom really wanted to go to the FIFA store in LA. So I drove her all the way to LA.

SPEAKER_01 8:31

You went to LA yesterday?

SPEAKER_00 8:32

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 8:33

What?

SPEAKER_00 8:34

Yes, that's why the group chat is quiet.

SPEAKER_01 8:36

When I'm at work, I really don't be going on my phone like that because the way I did not know that.

SPEAKER_00 8:40

Yeah, she usually like I leave my house. Where are you going? I'm just kidding. Yeah, I'm like. Um, no, we went to the FIFA store. They have like different pop-ups in LA. It's not worth it. Don't go.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

Um Yeah, did you guys buy anything?

SPEAKER_00 8:53

I did because I was like, Well, I'm here. I drove all the way here. Like, let me get a little what'd you buy? I got two USA jerseys, but they're not the game jerseys, they're like the FIFA version of the jerseys. So they're like, they're okay. Um, but they're not really expensive. Um, they were $50, which is not bad. So that's why I got them. So me and Sushi can match. Oh, yeah, that's cute. Like 4th of July. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:17

Oh, daddy's cute.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

Yeah, but my dad's like, those aren't the game jerseys. I'm not contributing. I was like, okay, Ricardo. Um, so yeah. Um, where's our going with going to FIFA? Oh, and on our drive back, my mom's like, is this Disney Channel radio? Molly Cyrus, then we lavato, Joan Jonas. I'm like, mom, this is like only the best vibes ever. It was actually so much fun. We went to LA and then we went to um went to Victoria's Secret. A, they have panties, 10 for $40.

SPEAKER_01 9:52

Ooh. That sounds kind of good, actually. 10? I haven't heard 10 in a minute. Do you think that everything happens for a reason? Or do you think it's just life is just full of coincidences? Wait, did I say that right? Coincidences? That sounds so weird. Coincidences. Coincidences. Coinked inks. Coincidences.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

Is it real or do you think it's a coinked ink? Um I feel like as a woman of faith, everything has to happen for a reason. There is a reason for everything because I feel like our God is so intentional. So it just like I mean, I don't know. I I don't know. I haven't talked to him, but I feel like he's not like, oh, this exact moment and this exact like I don't know if it's so exact, like, oh, the bananas weren't ripe today. It wasn't meant to have one today. You know, like I don't know if it's like that literate. Yeah. Yeah. But I think like everything has its cycle and everything like tumbles and stuff. So I do think everything happens for a reason. Um, I don't I don't think I can believe in coincidences. But I can see how some people do for sure. What do you think?

SPEAKER_01 11:10

I don't know. I think a lot of the time I'm I do try to think the same way as you, and like obviously I'm like, no, God did this for a reason. But sometimes I'm like, God really did not have to do that. Like Ain't no way. Ain't no way that this happened for a reason.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

What is like the first thing that comes to your mind where you're like, why did that have to happen the way that it happened? So many things actually.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

Yeah. Specifically, and guys, I talk about this a lot because it's literally was such a big part of my life and was so traumatizing. So, like, please don't blame me for this. Like, I'm never just gonna be able to like not talk about it because this is part of my life, but a big experience. But um, that whole like breakup with my ex-boyfriend, like, just like even that whole relationship. I'm like, I don't really think that you like did it do what what's what is it though, specifically? Like, is it the time? I think the time, how long it was, like, yeah, God, we really didn't need to be together that long if it wasn't gonna work out. Yeah. What first came to mind when we started talking about this was the Dodger game when I saw him at the Dodger game and he was sitting two seats away from me. Yeah, that was pretty crazy. No, that was insane. That was insane. I always think about it. I remember literally looking at Haley and like actually I was taking a picture with Haley and I was like, no, breaking.

SPEAKER_00 12:25

How long had you guys been breaking broken up for? Like a month or two.

SPEAKER_01 12:29

Yeah, it was like fresh.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

Yeah, I do remember that. That was pretty crazy.

SPEAKER_01 12:33

Yeah, no, that was crazy.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

She's like texting in the group chat. She's like, so actually, so and so is two seats away from us, and I was like, She's being dramatic, two seats, no, two seats. I saw the I was like, Haley, send a pick. I was like, proof or it's not real. No, it because it was just been like, Hey, say she's like, it was just so hard to believe. Okay, now that time has passed on that situation though, like, do you do you feel like your perspective on it has changed at all?

SPEAKER_01 13:03

Yeah, I think I think we were talking about it recently where we were like, well, maybe it's just because I needed to understand that he was gonna be able to like do his own thing, we were gonna be in the same place, because like for the longest time I just couldn't imagine like not doing things together. And so I think it was God trying to like maybe weave me into understanding that things are gonna happen, he's gonna do things that we used to do together or that I you know, like it's okay for him to live his life.

SPEAKER_00 13:30

Yeah, it's okay to share the earth with him. Yeah, it's okay for him to breathe, it's okay for him to continue his journey or whatever. I also think that it was like preparing you for the fact that you were gonna see him again and again and again and again. Like from the beginning, you were already like shown to be dis desensitized from like the proximity of being close to him, you know, because it's like I did see him a lot. Pretty crazy. Yeah. Um how often you see him and his family. And not even just him. It's like, damn. Yeah, like I don't just be maybe everywhere.

SPEAKER_01 14:08

Which is like fine, like I love his family, and like they were so good to me, like you know, and yeah. Like, even while that man was what we did long distance, like the last two years, I was always hanging out with his family. Like, I hung out with his family more those two years than I hung out with him, you know? So I have a lot of love for them, and obviously, like if I see him around, but I think you're right. Like, it was like this like proximity thing where I had to understand that I was gonna see these people and I was gonna run into them, and like From the beginning, I feel like I just had to get used to it.

SPEAKER_00 14:39

Yeah, the world God was like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:42

But I don't feel that way about a ton of things. Like, I feel like a lot of things I'm still like really like there was no way. No, it's it's hard. I even just like refer back to like friendships or like just like school or job or things like that. Like a lot of things didn't happen for a reason, or some like there was no reason for it not to happen. Like so many things that I'm like questionable about and I always feel bad, like because I do. I'm a woman of faith too, so like I refer a lot to God and I'm like, was that really necessary? Did this really need to happen? Did it was there a reason? Probably not, you know, but I'm not the one. The answer is yes, yeah, I'm not the one to make that call.

SPEAKER_00 15:20

No, I really do feel like the answer is yes, though, because it's like hindsight is 2020, like you you don't really see the reasoning for a lot of things, probably honestly, until like years and years later, and you're like, oh okay, like I wasn't in the place I wasn't I was supposed to be in, or I ended up going to this place, and maybe had I taken this job or taken this class, like it could be as simple as a class. I really do feel like um you just have to like gaslight yourself and be like, Yeah, I know exactly why this happened. It happened for the best, it happened for the greater good or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

Yeah, because I feel like some things that are just like terrible, like I feel like I've lived like a couple things where I'm like not even just relating to me, like even like with my family, like some unfortunate things have happened. And I always think back and I'm like, there was no reason for this to happen. This is doing no good for anybody, but I feel like it's also this idea that like we think everything's supposed to be this amazing thing, but like life is not like that, and like we have to be given those I feel like we think that everything is for us too.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

Yeah, it's like it's like not the devil for us.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

Yeah. Unfortunately, my mom always says that like the devil does exist, and he'd be out there, he'd be out there, and a lot of this people. Mm-hmm. That's scary. That's so scary.

SPEAKER_00 16:36

Be careful who talks too. Do you believe in like okay, going back to what we were saying about how everything happens for a reason, and we are women of faith, and so like we kind of do have to tell ourselves, even when it's hard, like everything happens for a reason. God has a path for us, and we just gotta keep it pushing sometimes, even though it doesn't make any sense. But I don't believe in coincidences, but I think I do believe in like divine timing, you know, and like they say like the angels are protecting you, and like sometimes things have to slow down. Like, I remember one time it was insane. First of all, I kept dropping my keys, like as I was going to lock my door, dropped it once, dropped it twice, and I'm like, damn, what the heck? I'm walking to my car, I dropped my iced coffee breaks everywhere, all over me. I have to go back inside, change my shirt, my scrub top. Then I didn't get to remake my coffee. But I was like, dang, that kind of took like 10, 10, 15 minutes, you know. Like, what if in those 10-15 minutes I was being protected from something, seeing something, hearing something, being a part of something. Like you really I'll probably never know. You know, never know. This was this was probably like a year ago, honestly, at this point. No, it was like eight months ago when I first started this job. And I remember being like, what the heck? Like, what the hell was the reason for that? Yeah, like I got up early, but then it was like, I don't know. Sometimes I also think like the angels are probably trying to tell us to just like slow down and just like chill out, stay safe, stay aware, or whatever. You just never know like what's watching out for you, too. Who's watching out for you? And yeah, just like we don't know who's hoping the worst or praying on the worst or whatever, you know. I think there are protections in place for us. So I think that also like gives me some comfort too, being like, okay, maybe if things didn't work out, it really was for the best. Going back to how you were saying, like, seeing your ex and stuff like that. Like, I just feel like we really don't know why things happen, and it's so frustrating, I think.

SPEAKER_01 18:39

And a lot of the time you really have to make up your own, like, you gotta be so freaking delusional because you have to be like, actually, this happened because of this.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

Yeah, and I think it's hard to not think that way. Like, it you have to find a balance with it because it's hard. Like, this was okay, like guys, this was a year, what a year and a half ago at this point, right? A year and some change. Like, it's been a while, so Celeste's like in a different place, she's good. But going back to like our friendship and like where we were at, like, it's hard not to let it give you hope. You know, it's hard not to be like, Oh yeah, oh, maybe we're supposed to work this out.

SPEAKER_01 19:18

God, why did I see him there? Like, I think I have like I used to be like a person who recorded everything, and so I remember going home and like guys, this is what happened this night. Like, I ran into him, he was two seats away, whatever, whatever. I think it I think God's trying to tell me that like things are gonna be fine. And this was also fresh after the breakup, so like not too many crazy things had happened. A lot of crazy things have happened since then. So, like, obviously, yeah, when it's fresh.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

Yeah, but I remember I was like, this is crazy. Yeah, I think like that's probably so hard not to let it give you hope or like let you manipulate it into what you think. Like, you know, you're like almost like interpreting it. You're like, okay, this means this, and God's probably like, no, and that's not what I was trying to tell you.

SPEAKER_01 20:05

I'm like, well, can you be a little clearer? Like, I literally need it written down on a paper.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

No, seriously. God's like, you never read the Bible. I wrote a book. Read it sometime. No, but that's funny. But seriously, like it is hard not to manipulate it to fit your benefit, I think.

SPEAKER_01 20:27

Oh it it'd be hard. It does. Is there anything that you feel has just thrown you off? Yeah. Oh okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

Um, I've uh my last relationship was um why is it weird to say now? I feel like I said it's because I was like heartbroken when I said it.

SPEAKER_01 20:51

Yeah, so you were like ready to do it.

SPEAKER_00 20:53

Yeah. Um if you feel ready for it. If not, no, no, no, it's fine because I I've eventually this is something that I feel like I've been kind of like sweeping under the rug a little bit because it's like it's so ugly for me to talk about, but it should not be that way. There should be no shame about it. But my last relationship actually ended up in a divorce. Ooh, yeah. But y'all weren't expecting that one. Some people know it's not it's not a secret. It's really not a secret, and but to put it out to the world, like it's pretty heavy. It's been really hard to do. Thank you. It's really big of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Because it's really hard to like want to like sit and talk about stuff and like yeah, and it is a big reason, side note, it is a big reason why I wanted to start this podcast because like I really didn't know anyone at my age at the time who was going through a divorce who got married super young, you know. So I would love to talk about that more in depth in the future. But in relation to this topic today, that was probably the hardest thing for me to accept that it was something. That happened, that it happened for a reason, and it was a reason that was not gonna be written down for me. I was just I was just gonna have to accept that one day it would click, and that was so freaking hard for me. Like I just could not accept it. I was like, God, like, why did I have to like get married? Why couldn't it have just been a relationship where we moved in together, where we made all these beautiful memories, and then now I'm heartbroken. Like I literally was like, why did I have to I guess like do the officialness, you know? But it's okay that I did, and it's okay that it happened, and it's okay because I'm okay now, and because like life got better and it was okay, but I think heartbreak is the easiest thing for everyone to look back on and be like, why did that have to happen? You know, and I'm sure one day when I have my family and I have my kids, or I or I meet someone, or maybe the reason was for me to talk about this in an episode one day and then someone relate to it, and if that's really all it is for someone to feel a little less alone, then then that's a good enough reason for me to have like gone through it because I felt so alone and so ashamed. Um, but yeah, I think that was like the biggest thing, and also it was so crazy because I guess it's not that crazy because you and your ex unfortunately we all have to share the earth with our exes, but you really had to share the county, specifically like a five-mile radius. Yeah, we don't have to leave that part in, but that's pretty crazy. Like, that is really hard. Me and my ex, uh, when things were like really officially over, he moved to a city like two and a half hours away. Um, so I really thought like there was no way that you was ever gonna see this man again. Psych, psych, god psych, psych girl. It was probably like a month after. Um, was it a month? Yeah, about a month or two after like things were like written, you know, the ink had dried, like things were done.

SPEAKER_01 24:18

Um Nikki's so funny.

SPEAKER_00 24:21

Who the hell things to say? The ink has dried. Um, me and my friend were like, well, let's get out for the weekend. Like let's go to this to the town that he had moved to. I had no idea he had moved there. Let me say that. I had no idea that he had moved there yet at the time. There was like rumors, but I wasn't sure because me and him once I said once the ink was dry, there was no contact. Like that was done. Anyways, I was driving to this town. Mind you, I live in southern Oregon, so they have highways there, they don't have freeways, there's not multiple lanes, it's like one way there, one way back. And we're like in the woods, and we stop in this town, and it's like dead stop traffic because they're doing like road work. So I'm like driving, and I'm like damn near parked in the highway because we weren't going anywhere. We finally start moving. I look to my left, he's coming the opposite direction, and like just slow, and we like looked at each other, and we like looked away really fast, and I'm like, what are the freaking odds? And I'm like an hour from home in the middle of the woods, and I'm seeing him like drive right past. Literally, like, and I was like thinking, I was like, at the time, I knew that I was gonna eventually move back home, and I was like, Oh, maybe the rumors are true, like maybe he did move to this town, you know, like maybe he's like moving back and forth, and at the time I thought like we ended things on a really, really bad note. There was no peace, there was it was not amicable at all, which really, really hurt at the time. Um, which still hurts. I never want to have that beef with someone. And I remember thinking, Am I supposed to reach out to him? My thought was like, maybe enough time has passed that we can sit down and have a mature, emotionally calm conversation. I never acted on that impulse, but then like a couple months after that, when I actually moved home, I talked about this in the closure episode where I literally saw him the night before I moved. Yeah, and it was just like the craziest thing because that week that I was moving, I was like, maybe you know, when I saw him a couple months ago, like maybe that meant that I was supposed to reach out to him, maybe that meant that we could have a conversation and not hate each other. That was my my biggest thing. Like, I was like, dang, I started building a life with this person. Like, I hate that we're both in this world with hate for each other, or just because like honestly, I did feel that way. I did feel a lot of anger, a lot of hate, a lot of resentment, and I'm sure he felt the exact same way at the time. Yeah, um, so yeah, that's my little story. I'm like, that's probably within the last couple years of my life where I'm like, why did that have to happen to the extent that it happened? I think that we're both women of faith and women of traditions, and so even living together and it not working out would have been a big enough deal for me. Like, why couldn't it have just gotten to that extent, you know? But you never know. I mean, through lots of therapy, I feel like I have a good perspective on it, and I think that is just a whole episode on its own, you know, but that has been the hardest thing. So if you're going through something where you're like, why is this happening? Like, I don't understand. And like me and Celeste actually like went not um that close in proximity, I think it had been a year, um, and then you kind of were going through your heartbreak. But I just remember like still it takes a long time to grieve something that is over, and so I think in that grieving process there's a million perspectives that you go through on why something could happen and why something had to happen the way that it did happen. So yeah. There's my bum. Kaboom.

SPEAKER_01 28:11

If I were you though, I've obviously had my own situations, but like that specifically, I would have been like, what the fuck? Yeah. That level, right? I would have been like, what? What I think was the craziest was when you ran into him the night before you moved back home. Yeah, that was pretty crazy. Like the man doesn't even live here anymore. It's your last night in Oregon. You're gonna come home. And of all the nights that I had gone out, I've never seen him. Yeah. And you weren't even going out like that when you were out there.

SPEAKER_00 28:40

And can I just say still mean she just say still rude?

SPEAKER_01 28:45

Still mean, still rude, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:46

And I was like, that is closure for me. Yeah. That is clear.

SPEAKER_01 28:50

I remember you saying that was the reason that I saw him because I needed to be reminded that like this is why things ended, or why I couldn't be with him.

SPEAKER_00 28:59

So I think I still struggle on like why it even had to happen, why did I have to get married, but I know now that it not working out was for the best, and I accept that and I I'm happy about that that it did not work out.

SPEAKER_01 29:15

I was saying earlier, like, I feel like I've had like the same situation like with friends, like I couldn't understand like why friendships had to end sometimes too.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

Or like those are so hard to yes, they are.

SPEAKER_01 29:25

Um, this kind of feels like a heartbreak episode because it's just a lot of why I think this way or why I wonder or question things, it's because those are the ones that hurt the most, like relationship breakups or heartbreak breakups, you know. But I remember I was like recently on this trip from one of my friends, and I basically knew everybody, but there was like one girl that was just like so mean the entire trip, like just such and she was an old friend of yours. Yeah, she was an old friend of mine, and we're not really friends anymore, and that's totally okay, but just so rude, like the entire weekend. And there was a point where like I did go off a little bit because we had a connection kind of um, and I said some crazy things, and you know, like I did I remember thinking like, oh, why did I need to say that? Like, you know, like a lot of times you like question even your own behavior sometimes because you're like, Why would I say this? Yeah, it's how you felt. I mean, it's not anything bad, it's how you feel.

SPEAKER_00 30:21

Yeah, I don't think you did anything bad, but that's just my opinion.

SPEAKER_01 30:24

But this girl was just so mean the entire weekend, like I was trying to be cool because like I'm out here for a friend's birthday, like I just want things to be good. Like made the best of things.

SPEAKER_00 30:31

Yeah, I feel like you always go into something positive.

SPEAKER_01 30:33

Yeah, and this girl was just so rude the entire weekend, and then still had the audacity to like sit in my car and ride back home, which is crazy in my car. Like should have taken the flix bus. No, and I remember being so mad in the car because I was like, I should have told her to figure it out, but I can't do that. I'm not that perfect person.

SPEAKER_00 30:49

Like, you don't have to be, you really don't.

SPEAKER_01 30:51

I don't have to be, but I remember in that car, I was like, God, like you put me in the most uncomfortable, difficult situations. I wish I knew why. I'm literally not your strongest soldier. So, like, help me figure it out.

SPEAKER_00 31:03

Really, sir. No, that is. I mean, I don't even have an answer for that, you know. Like, why? That's yeah, that was so uncomfortable, so probably unnecessary. Like, if this person has such a big problem with you that it was such a problem all weekend, why be like, oh, I'll catch a ride though. Yeah, like that's pretty crazy. That is pretty good.

SPEAKER_01 31:25

Some people are just really scared and have no freaking like bitegüenza. Like, they just like no. No bitza.

SPEAKER_00 31:30

Because okay, it's one thing to be like, okay, I know this person's going. Let's call her Shelby. Celeste and Shelby, they're like, okay, we know this other person's going, that's fine, but like we'll keep our distance. Like, I'm not gonna ride in the car with her. Like, if I don't have to be around her, I'm not gonna be around her. Yeah, see, I feel like it was never like yeah, I guess you're right.

SPEAKER_01 31:49

Because I was gonna say, like, I don't have that feeling towards this person. Like, I didn't think of it as like there's this problem, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:58

There wasn't neutral beef at the time.

SPEAKER_01 31:59

Yeah, we're just not close like how we used to be. Like, I see happen. Okay. But since she was meeting me all weekend, I feel like she could have had that mindset. Like I really don't like her. I don't need to drive with her in her car.

SPEAKER_00 32:11

I don't need to Yeah, like if you really felt some way about this person, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:16

I agree. So I do think that that's a little annoying, but um I'm just maybe I'm not being the bigger person by talking about it, but like the podcast is for me to just yap and no, seriously. And it's like I don't have any regrets when I talk about things because this is my last one. Me neither. Yeah, this was the whole purpose for a podcast.

SPEAKER_00 32:35

Yeah, this is our story. If you want to tell your start one.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

For real. No, I often think about that too. I'm always like, why like I always ask Adam, like, why did you put that in me to be so open about things and put my whole life out of it?

SPEAKER_00 32:48

But you we know why. Like, we have people that reach out and tell us, and it's like, there's your answer, you know? Like it means a lot. It really is that deep to our 100 listeners. We love you. Um but can I just say, like, it is so much easier to wonder why something happens when it's a negative situation? I feel like when something positive happens, we're not like, oh, what was the reason for this? I was so deserving, I was so wonderful, I was so like you love me so much, God, that you're giving me this beautiful memory or this beautiful experience, or like this is happening in my favor. I feel like we're so quick to forget to do the thank yous and we're not that quick to ask the whys, you know, like why did this happen?

SPEAKER_01 33:38

So I know that for different situations too. Obviously, we believe in God, but for the people that don't, even just like the universe, like there was a time where I just really fell off with God and I just did not believe God was looking out for me. Like, yeah, I'll be so honest. I just did not feel good with God and like I didn't want to go to church, I didn't want to do anything. I didn't even want to like I feel like I always talked to God, but I wasn't as present as I used to be. Yeah. Um, but a lot of the time I'd be like, Well, the universe, yeah, the crystals.

SPEAKER_00 34:08

Oh yeah, no, not the rocks. No, no, no, but no disrespect. Like, if that's really how what gets you through life, then that's what gets you through life because life is really, really, really hard. So if you gotta believe in the universe, in the moon, in the stars, in the rocks, like do that because I think just believing in coincidences can get a little confusing. Yeah, I think it can get a little um you can really like go to Lulu thinking in coincidences, I think, you know. Or you can get a little cold about it, like, oh, it just sometimes things just happen like that. It's like no, like then for good stuff, you like don't think you're deserving of it or whatever, you know. Like it's just it's a slippery slope. I guess there's no right or wrong way to think about things. This is just how we think.

SPEAKER_01 35:02

Yeah. Do you think you're ever in a situation where you control your own reality though, like in terms of everything happening for a reason? Or even things just aligned with God's plan? Yeah. Well, I we still have free will.

SPEAKER_00 35:16

Like duh. Yeah, like God is like, okay, I've set this, this, and out for you, but it like at the end of the day, you can choose wrong. Yeah, you can choose incorrectly, like that is our own free will. Like, and have I chosen incorrectly? Me too, girl. Like, me too. You know, I've made decisions that it's like, well, damn, girl, like that's why nothing's working out for you. Because you keep put your putting yourself in a bad situation, you keep picking broken people, you keep picking, like to go back to old behaviors and old habits, like and I think a lot of the situations that I have been put in that I'm like, oh, that was so unnecessary, that was so uncomfortable, that was so this. It's like, well, whose fault was it? Yeah, like did you really have to be in that situation? Like, did you really have to? And can I say, I think I'm actually really good at protecting my peace, and I think I'm really good at being like, you know what? I'm done with that, it didn't serve me, goodbye. But I'm not perfect, never said I was perfect. Yeah. So there are situations too where I'm like, well, duh, that was gonna be uncomfortable. Duh, that wasn't gonna work out for me. Like, I knew this person was bad for me, I knew this situation was not gonna serve me, and it didn't. So yeah, I think we do have some control over our own reality. Um to an extent, of course, but yeah, I do think so. I think specifically like our own health, you know? Like, some people are like, Oh, how did I get to this point with this? And it's like, well, you eat in and out every day. Yeah, you know those in and outs, you know those donuts, or you know, like you know those drugs, like you know what I mean? The alcohol, like there are certain like certain bad habits that are gonna leave you lead you to a bad place, and it's honestly at this point with some people it it's not a matter of if but when. Um, so yeah, like you know, and this is just this is obviously I know this is not black and white, there's a lot of gray in this area, but like just with certain things like smoking cigarettes too, like you kind of know what can happen with that high.

SPEAKER_01 37:30

How funny now, how ironic of you to say that to me right now. The other day, Nikki texted me and Hailey, and she's like, Um, what would you guys do if I started smoking cigarettes? And I was like, Well, would you smoke them around me? And she was like, Yeah, and I was like, hell no, don't come near me with those things. Absolutely the fuck not. And I was like, Are you okay? I was like, what's wrong with you?

SPEAKER_00 37:52

Literally, this is when I was in New Orleans. I was just like walking and I was like, I should start smoking some cigs, like like girl, get out of here. But anyways, I just it was a fleeting thought. A fleeting thought, it's gone now. That's funny. What do you think about your own reality? Do you think that you have maybe put yourself in situations where you're like, oh, no wonder my reality sucks. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:21

Um, yeah. Um yeah, I think that especially during this last period of my life, um, I was definitely putting myself in bad situations where I was like constantly getting hurt or like finding things out because I was looking for them. Like a girl, I did not need to know the things that I found out. And the only reason that I found those things out was because I was literally being psychotic. Like there's no other word for it. And I remember like all my friends telling me, especially my sister, and my sister would be like, I don't understand why you're doing this, like you're just hurting yourself. And I'd be like, I don't know. For me, I've always been the type of person that I need to see it, I need to hear it. It needs to like slap you in the face, yeah, like slap me, fucking drop me to the floor, and then God needs to like step on my body and push me to the ground. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is, but I've definitely been the one to put myself in these bad situations, or even just specifically that situation where I was with a guy that was just not good for me. There was no reason for me to continuously put myself back there, you know? And I do feel like that was meant to happen for a reason. Like now looking back, I'm like, I don't think I've ever been as happy as I feel right now, and like not to guess Tom up or anything, but I do feel like I've just been shown like a different love, I guess. Like I just like understand things better and I feel better and my heart feels happier and I don't feel this weird, like I love that. I know what you mean. But it's like it's like this negative thing, yeah. This negativity or just like this darkness, darkness, that's the word I was looking for. Just light with Tom. Yeah, yeah, I think so. I mean, let's continue hoping and praying and well yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:00

I mean, nobody jinks us, okay? All you know is the good stuff right now, and that's okay. Like, and it's not that there wasn't ever good stuff before.

SPEAKER_01 40:08

Yeah, that too. It's not like I was in this relationship and it was all bad. Like, no, I clearly stayed around. Lasted for a while. A reason, and there was something to that, but I think like the bigger picture for me was I think I needed to not be loved as terrible as I was loved because again, it wasn't the worst thing in the world, but I don't think it was the best thing in the world, and you really like leave relationships and you move on, and you're like, okay, as much as I didn't need to be in that relationship for seven years, maybe I had to be, so that I could understand how long this life is and how intentional everything about it is, like the person you choose, the person that you end up living life with, like it is just so mind-boggling to me because everything does happen for a reason, and yeah, not as literal as we're taking it, but like if they didn't have the coffee at your coffee shop, like I mean that really sucks, but like it's not for a reason, it's just you don't fucking have it. But I do think I put myself in terrible situations, and I'm really glad that I don't think that way anymore. It's hard, it's hard to let go. Yeah, it's hard to accept the new reality. What were we saying today? We were saying something. Me and Nikki were like, Oh, you don't have this with um a certain person, and I was like, No, and I don't want to have it. Like, I feel good without it, you know, because I don't need it. And it's like I'd rather not have it and like feel a way about it because I know how it's made me feel before. So like I just like You're setting your own boundaries. Yeah, I'm like setting I'm making smarter decisions for it.

SPEAKER_00 41:37

If you will. Sometimes we gotta learn the hard way. Yeah, yeah, we gotta learn the hard way, the tough way, the sick way, the most painful way.

SPEAKER_01 41:46

That's what we bother a lot of the time because I'm like, did I really need to learn the hard way? But like, I think I did. I think there's certain people.

SPEAKER_00 41:53

I think extreme. That's what I think. I think I had to reach the extreme to be like, I need to chill, I need to like not be in such a rush for things, you know? 100%. Oh man. Oh me, and it's hard. It's hard because I think we do create our own reality, but we are not the creator of life, and we are not we're really not like writing this out, like you know, it's just it's hard, I think, to trust in God, trust in the universe if that's what you believe in, trust in whatever you whatever higher power you believe in. I think it's really hard to trust that everything happens for a reason. Um, but I think life is easier when you do trust. Um what are you so seriously serious about this beautiful morning?

SPEAKER_01 42:59

I am so seriously serious about I have two, I just don't know which one I want to say.

SPEAKER_00 43:06

Um I'm like saying both now.

SPEAKER_01 43:10

I'm really serious about doing I'm really serious about like investing more money, and I always say this investing more money, spending more money. I always say this shit. Damn, I can't be any bitter. But I want to do more things like like I want to start getting lasered because I just like don't want to shave, I don't want to do any of that. Yeah, like I want to do more things that are going to benefit me in the long run. Like I want to do more facials because it'll help my skin. I want to do more like getting laser is so expensive. It's like packages and shit because you have to continuously go and one session is so expensive. But I wanna like get a package. It's like being high maintenance to be low maintenance. Exactly, exactly. And I want to continue like getting my hair done, but I also want to treat my hair better and treatments. Yeah, like there's just so much I want to invest into myself because like I feel like it'll help me be happier and like I'll just feel better about myself. And I think you should. Yeah. Blind leading the blind.

SPEAKER_00 44:14

I think you should invest in yourself if that's what you want. The blind because all you have is yourself at the end of the day. Like, be the best that you want to be. And if that's how you want to do it, then do it. Don't let nobody tell you to save your money. I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_01 44:26

Kidding kidding. Like, I even want to do like microneedling. Like, I just want to do things that are gonna benefit me. And I'm just gonna put money towards it. Like, yo low, life is short, and money comes and goes. Self love is forever. Self-love is forever.

SPEAKER_00 44:43

What are you so seriously serious about? Screen time. Oh, it needs to go down. Oh. I've been real bad. Uh is it? Like six hours. Oh, that's not that bad. That's what I've heard, but it's pretty bad for me. You know, mine's used to be like three, four. Really? Yes. It's probably like it's probably six to eight. My phone has been saying my average is six hours and like 32 minutes, I think. But I think it does range.

SPEAKER_01 45:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:11

Um, but I've caught myself like really scrolling. Doom scrolling. I'm just bored and I'm like, oh Pinterest scrolling. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 45:22

No, we're really bad on Pinterest. Pinterest. We love you, Pinterest. Can you guys sponsor us, Pinterest? They're like, with what content?

unknown 45:32

No.

SPEAKER_00 45:32

We need to rethink it big. Yeah. Um, but yeah, I just want my screen time to go down. In the beginning of the year, I was like reading a ton, and I would like to get back to that. I actually really, really, really, really enjoy reading. That is my favorite pastime. But lately I've been watching movies and and shows, and I don't think anything's wrong with that. I think if you like to watch movies and shows, you should still do that. Um, but I think maybe instead of like scrolling on the talk, I could open my my books. Yeah. So yeah, that's what I'm seriously serious about. I really think that it's time to just like lower. I wonder at what age, like, like no, never mind.

SPEAKER_01 46:14

I'm like, what are you trying to say over there, Betty?

SPEAKER_00 46:16

Because some people are like, at what age do you just like stop posting? Or at what age do you just stop posting? And I'm like, never if it's gonna be my career.

SPEAKER_01 46:26

Right.

SPEAKER_00 46:27

I'm like, when our retirement this will be our career.

SPEAKER_01 46:30

I'm like Don't even question us right now.

SPEAKER_00 46:32

Oh no, we're gonna be those double income baby, double career.

SPEAKER_01 46:36

Double.

SPEAKER_00 46:36

But yeah, I I just don't know. I don't know at one point. I'm like, I have to stop scrolling the way that I scroll. I mean, it's not terrible because I know some people's screen time are higher, but you know what? I'm not worried about other people's grass. I'm worried about mine. Exactly. That is all over my for you page, like my TikTok for you page, my Instagram for you page. Like, why do your own grass and you won't worry about other people's grasses? Blah blah blah. I'm like serious. I'm like, I didn't think I was worried about anyone else's grasses. I really was just worried about mine. But, anyways, that's what I'm so seriously serious about today. And you guys should be too. Invest in yourself. If you want beautiful skin, if you want beautiful hair, if you want this or that or whatever, invest in that. Set the time, pick up overtime if you need to. Um, and if you want your screen time to be down, I just gotta be more disciplined about it, you know? I just gotta find other outlets of entertainment, I think. Will you just hang out with your friends? I'm trying.

SPEAKER_01 47:32

It's hard when we're all so busy. No, yeah. You're right. It's already half we're halfway through summer already. That is sick. No, we're not. It's July.

SPEAKER_00 47:43

I know.

SPEAKER_01 47:44

I know.

SPEAKER_00 47:46

I'm like, give me two more months. No, I'm not even gonna lie to you. I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm ready for the pumpkin. Me too. I'm so cute. I'm ready for poking everything. I'm ready for sweaters, cardigans. I'm ready to go to Disneyland in October. You do.

SPEAKER_01 47:58

I'm just so excited. Same. Uh I'm ready for postseason and for baseball. Oh my god, I'm excited. Life is good.

SPEAKER_00 48:07

I'm excited for it to not be so freaking hot.

SPEAKER_01 48:09

Yeah, it's been hella hot. But that's about it. We're so happy that you guys talked to us this week. We hope that you guys love talking to us. And again, if you have any topics for us, I feel like we have so many ideas, but we would love input from our friends, from our people that listen, and we're super thankful for you guys.

SPEAKER_00 48:29

With love always, Celeste and Nikki.

SPEAKER_01 48:34

Bye. Bye.