Seriously Just Girls Podcast

Seriously... Comparison is Stealing Our Joy

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Celeste & Nikky talk about how comparison can steal their joys at time. They talk about using comparison is both motivating and daunting. Join the conversation and know you're not alone, the girls can be guilty of it too!

SPEAKER_01

Oh She's Argentinian Fuck no meant to go all the way. No, just kidding. It's not Argentinian. I take that back. It's Argentine. It's not Argentinian. Buenos días.

SPEAKER_00

Yo estoy.

SPEAKER_01

Maribal Maribilloso.

SPEAKER_00

Yo estoy feliz.

SPEAKER_01

Awwww. Contenta.

SPEAKER_00

Yo estoy. One day I wanna do like a full episode where it just speaks being.

SPEAKER_01

I'm gonna be like, shulda wulda, kula, wulda. Are you caught up on Love Island? Mason, I haven't watched it all. Step up. Me and my mom watched it last night. And I was like. She's hungry. Oh I'm ready. I just You and your mom. Anyways, me and my mom were watching Love Island last night and we were just dying. Uh who said it? Melanie's like, shoulda, coulda, woulda, but didn't. I saw that TikTok. She is so I love her. If she stood on business though, everything she says would eat 10 times harder. But because she folds, it's like, you're just as insane. I feel like you're just as insincere as freaking sincere. Like, you know, in different ways. Like you to yourself. But you know what? It might even be worse that it's to yourself and not to someone else. A hundred percent. But you know what? I love her and I want the best for her. Me too. I literally want the best for her. I want her to find something. I want her to be with Caleb. I don't get that. I think there's a lot of people. First of all, I think, okay. She's got a lot to work on. My girl needs some deep, deep therapy because she clearly has like past trauma too. And I don't feel like Caleb does.

SPEAKER_00

Like Caleb's mature. Yeah. She's not mature.

SPEAKER_01

She's not it's not that she's not mature, but it's just like she's unhealed. Damn, Melody just told me that. Oh she just called me unhealed the other day and I was like. Out. I was like, so I know you're therapy. Um, but like you can't read me like this. She's reading me just shh. She was reading me to fail. I was like, oh. Anyways, yeah, I do feel like Melanie is a little like I I just don't want her to ever yell at Caleb the way she'd be yelling at people. Because Caleb seems very sweet. I don't think she would yell at Caleb though. I don't think Caleb would put her in the screen. Give her a reason to yell. To yell. But you know what? Speaking, like not speaking that much from experience, but sometimes a man will be really nice to you and you will still find issues because you are unhealed.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Ouch.

SPEAKER_01

It happens. It does. You learn.

SPEAKER_00

You live and you learn.

SPEAKER_01

You that is that really is the thing.

SPEAKER_00

Who is it? Which one of y'all?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, just say it. Raise your hand. We were just recording right now and it just like randomly stopped. Like we've already had issues, so I just need to. Who is it? Raise your hand. Come to the front. Confess. Repent. Anywho, anywho, anywho. How have you been? Great. Really? You have been. My girl is good.

SPEAKER_00

I've just been living life. I've just been going out. Uh just work. Work? I only work three days out of the week. But for some reason, those three days just like feel exhausting.

SPEAKER_01

You're just very involved. Yeah. And like you're off today and you're in contact with someone at work. Yeah. That's what happens. When you don't like really clock out from a job, it's not three days. It's your week.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But it doesn't like that. But it still is, though. Like it's still like even just talking about it or associating your personal life with it, like it it seeks. And so you don't really get a break. It's not a bad thing, especially if you love your job. But it seeks.

SPEAKER_00

What do you do?

SPEAKER_01

I love it.

SPEAKER_00

Sorry. Like drink water. Oh, bro. She was doing something weird. She was like, have a sip of my water and then go like this. I don't even know what she was doing. She's still holding her breath.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, when was that the other day when I was sending you guys voice messages and I was so irritated? I was like ranting about something. And I was like, damn it, I had ghosts. Like there was like a little pause I couldn't really listen to it because I was at work. I was reading the transcripts and you would just be like, oh, they take up the take up the card. Okay. Had you been crying?

SPEAKER_00

No.

SPEAKER_01

I did it happen when you cry? Yeah, I can't hit ghosts when I cry.

SPEAKER_00

That's weird.

SPEAKER_01

I love when you cuss. I have to be myself. Where's this from? It's so old. It's a toy secret. Shut up. That's so cute. I'm not gonna shut up.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

It is really cute. I've had it for years. No, yeah, I love it. Love it with those shorts too. I'm like, it is cute. You're welcome. Um, no, I was like going through it um last weekend, guys. Tough time. But I was at work. I'm not weak, okay? But I was at work crying. I was sobbing. And my coworker pulled me into the staircase, and we have like a huge window on our staircase that sees like the freeway. And I was just having like my Gray's anatomy moment where I was just like, she's like I can't collect who's this coworker. Her name is Stevie. She's really nice. She's like um, I wouldn't say she's a new mom, but new is her daughter's two. I think two or three, maybe and she's just like very, very, very sweet. Remember my coworker Sam from Oregon and like we're still in contact? She's like an older sister to me. That's kind of how I see Stevie. Yeah, I remember she was like, my kid. Like, I hate to see you upset. Anyway, she's just really, really sweet. I was like having my great anatomy moment in the staircase. I was like, I'm like married. Like remember what she ate in the hallway? She was like, What did she say? You don't get to call me a boar. When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was gonna spend the rest of my life with. I was done. So all the boys and all the bars and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared? Because I was done. You left me, you chose Addison. I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. I really, really you do. You do. I'm pretty sure that like at some point in our group chat that consent. I think we were like, no. Nobody gets to judge you on what you be on. But you weren't even on nothing crazy when you say that.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01

You weren't on nothing crazy.

SPEAKER_00

I'm eating cereal, guys.

SPEAKER_01

People just really love to judge. That's okay. I'll continue.

SPEAKER_00

And it's not even cereal, it's my cup of coffee that has cocoa pebbles or cocoa plugs on top, but like I think.

SPEAKER_01

She likes to have an espresso with her cereal in the morning. Um, but yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a fun little moment in the staircase. I felt very dramatic. But I I kind of ate it up. I'm not gonna lie to you. I sat there and I was like, it's gonna be okay. And it was. And how we think comparison is definitely something that we should be talking about and not be ashamed about because we're only human, and you know, we all kind of I think have dealt with that in one way or another. But um, I wanted to ask you, how do you think comparison, either you comparing yourself or someone comparing themselves to you, like how do you think that plays a role in your life? Just kidding. Um, you know, I actually feel like I've never really been one to compare a ton. I definitely have done that. I'm not gonna act like I haven't because it's really hard to see other people doing things or doing things you want to do or achieving things that you also want to achieve and not being there. So I definitely have been one to do so. But within the last year, I think I have really changed my perspective on that because when I tell you, a lot of people thought that I was doing so well, like so many people would text me, or like if I would just see them, they'd be like, You look so good, like you look so happy, like blah blah blah, like you're just living life. And I remember thinking, and I was all everybody like social media is so deceiving because that was the worst time of my life. Yeah. I was not, yeah, I might have been living life, but like it's such a highlight reel. Yeah. You're not seeing every and you shouldn't have to, but you're not seeing every side of everyone's life. And so I think after that and hearing it so much, and you know, that not being my reality the way that people thought it was, I think it really shifted my own perspective. And I was like, and I've always known that, like, not everything is publicized or not everything is shown or posted on Instagram or talked about. And I think I always knew that, but when I was the one that was like constantly getting like such good positivity and like about me, I was like, damn, you guys are wrong. Like, no, seriously. I'm not I'm not doing good at all. Yeah. And you never know what someone is going through. And so I do think like I haven't wanna compare though, like exact like in that same relationship. Like, I thought I was gonna get married. I genuinely thought I was gonna get a ring, and I would see all these people pop up, like literally every time I went on Instagram, I was like, engaged, engaged, engaged, and I'd be like, damn, like I'm so happy for you. Not always does it come with this like envidia or jealousy, you know? But I remember I was just like, damn, why can't it be me? But am I so glad that it's not me? Like, life is fine. No, yeah, thank God, right? No. You ever think like, thank God, everything happens for a reason? Ow, Jesus Christ, Lord and Savior, for not. Could you imagine a life of unhappiness? What about you? What comes to your head when we talk about this? Um yeah. Yeah, I'm guilty of it. I've done that before. I think um in the last episode, I talk about how I want to like lower my screen time, and I didn't really talk too much about why. Um, but I do think that lately I have been a little I've been the victim of like social media kind of like hurting my feelings, I think a little bit in a lot of different ways. Like physically, I'm like, damn, like she looking real good. And it's like, well, duh, babe, she's a fitness influencer, like she looks insane, like she's gonna look insane. And then I'm like, dang, like, not that I wish I looked like that, because I I don't really, I don't really let myself really truly think like that. But it's just hard to see someone like super productive, super disciplined, super locked in. And I'm just like, damn, I could be more locked in, but I just don't. Like, and I also think to myself, like, I have a job, I have other responsibilities, other things that I have to do. Like, it's really hard. I can't be in the gym three hours every day. Like, I can't, you know, it's hard to meal prep. It's just so much work. But, anyways, not even in that aspect though. It's really hard, you know, sometimes to see people like dang, like they have their career, like they are making their big girl money and their big girl purchases. Like, I just want to be able to buy like a ton of Dior bags and Chanel bags. And I know that's materialistic and like it's really not that deep, but it is that deep for us. But I've been letting myself be that deep, you know, and like that's why I think I just need to like log out sometimes and just like put the phone down and go touch some grass because I have realized that like when I I have done like you know, people do like tea breaks, like where they don't smoke weed a lot. Sobriety, I guess, if you will. I feel like I kind of need like a like have you done that? I just feel like I need like a social media break, you know, and touch some grass. And I know that a lot of these thoughts honestly will go away. Um, but I think I do that too with like my relationship sometimes, which is not fair at all to your partner, but I'd be like, damn. He just wrote her poetry. I'm like, become Shakespeare now. And that's just not really fair. It's not fair to yourself, it's not fair to your partner, it's not fair to the people in your life. It's just not fair to let comparison control your life and your own narratives. But I think I'm like, who isn't guilty of comparing themselves and letting comparison steal a little bit of their joy? Like, it is so freaking hard not to do that, but it is so easy to do it. Like, it's just how can you not, especially how you were saying with social media, like, and you've seen the other end of it where you're like, my life sucked, but it looked amazing, didn't it? Wow, like I presented it very well, didn't I? Yeah, and it's like, no, your life didn't suck. And I think you know that, but it's like you know that you were really, really going through it. Yeah. And it's like, and it's like people didn't need to know that, but like you said, it gives you a different perspective. Or I think it's really hard. Like with my last relationship when it ended, it was such a big thing. Um, I did say in the last episode, it was a divorce. Okay. So when I was like telling my family and my friends about they're like, but you look so happy. You just went on this trip, you just did this, you just did that. Like, how could it just be over? It looked amazing. And I'm like, girl, little do you know. Little do you know when it was just us, it was this, this, and this. You know, like you really do not know people's lives. People are not honest sometimes, and it's not always because they are liars, it's just because it's okay. It's like, what am I supposed to say? Like, hey, we're on a trip, but he just called me this, this, and this. Like, that's gonna be my caption. Like, what the heck, you know? But it's like it's hard not to try to make the most out of your situation. Yeah. Period. Period again. That's all I gotta say on that. I also feel like even there's so many ways where you can compare. I think at one point, like I was really bad with friendships. Like, I just not that I like Lafama will get you. Yes, not that I didn't want you to have friendships with other people, or not that you not that I needed you all to myself. Like, no. But I just wanted to be at everything and I wanted to be involved in everything. I remember one time Nikki and I talk to him. Tell him what you did. Nikki and I got into a huge I wasn't even that big. Keep in mind too, like, she had kind of just moved home. It felt big, yeah. She had kind of just moved home from Oregon, and I had a lot of catching up to do with this friendship too, okay? Yeah. But you weren't catching up with me. Tell them what I did. Tell them what I did. So at this time, I think I was looking at locations. Actually, I think it was Susu that brought it up to me. I'm pretty sure it was Susu that brought it up to me. Susu, this is your fault. Damn. Um, and then we basically saw that Nikki and Haley were hanging out without us. And at this time, we were doing everything together. Like we were hanging out all the time, like the four of us. We were going out for coffee, we would hang out at each other's houses all together. And I just remember I was like, oh, no invite. Like, that's crazy. And Nikki was so mean. I was dismissive. I can say that now. I was being a little dismissive because I just didn't understand. Yeah. I did not, I did not see what the big freaking deal was. Okay. But I get it. At this point, none of us had hung out individually with one another. Anyways, one of our friends was going through it, okay? One of the girls in the chat was not having a good time. And at the time, everyone was like texting in the group chat, like, this, that, this, that, like, here's advice, here's this. I'm here for you. What can I do for you? Blah, blah, blah. I had just moved home. So I went to go catch up with some of my family members. I was not present in the group chat. So I did feel like a little like, ooh, I wasn't a good friend today. So at the end of the night, I reached out to her and I was like, hey, like, do you want to go for a walk tomorrow? Get some coffee. Like, she was like, you know what? Yeah, like that would be really nice. We're both, not that we're both like fitness people at all, but I think at the time, like we had both lived in Oregon. Like, we just knew what a good walk in touching grass could do for us. Okay. So she was like, So you think I don't know. No, but I was not this close to you, okay, Celeste. I didn't know what you were about. I didn't know how you decompressed. Now I'd be like, You want to go shopping? Let's go. Let's go to Target. That's what you need. Let's go walk it off at Target. But at the time I did not. I also like I still feel how I felt then, you know. And that's okay. And I feel like you feel how I feel now, like about friendships and stuff like that, and like individuality, and like you can have your own friendship with this person and this person and this person. Like you and Tusu, I think both were thinking the same way. And me and the other girl, like, were the other girl is Haley. Come on. I don't want to hear it out. Those two. Well, sometimes let them do the math. Anyways, me and Haley thought very similarly. So it did feel like 2v2. You know what I mean? Like it was not a good time. Which was I dismissive? Yes. Yeah, because let me just say, I wasn't upset. I think I started it off as a joke and I was like, oh no, invite. And then there was like some heated stuff in there. And I was like, really, Nikki? Like you could just be nice about it, you know? Well, it may have been a joke, but like over text, like that's not how it's interpreted. You know what I mean? Like it was just like bad communication. And I think like off the rip, I was defensive and I was like, girl, relax. Like, it is not that deep. It is a walk in the park. But you're saying it's a joke. No, clearly, there was some heart feelings, which is why. But I didn't think it was that deep. You know, like, no, we made it. I think it could have been like, oh, like, sorry, like, you know, and I would have been like whatever, it's fine, like, and I would have gotten over it. For sure. But I think it was because of the conversation happening where I didn't feel like Nikki even cared about my feelings. Yeah, like I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I had to say sorry about hanging out with one of my friends. You know, like that's where I was at. Like I was like a moment of rip. We've never done that. So like it was just like new to me too. Like we've never like done things differently. So you see that now. It was always just like it was the first, really. It was like, you know, when you're in a thruple and you're like, you cuddled her without telling me. It was like that. Like, you know, it was like, damn, like, wait to cheat on the group. I think I feel like it was like that. But now I feel I'm sorry. That's okay. Now I feel so I feel like I've really just evolved from that because I don't feel that way. Like now it's like I'm I've always felt this way, obviously. But now it really is. Oh, I'm so happy that you like have a relationship with this person. You have a better relationship with them, and you guys can do things individually and how much of it. Yeah, we're not comparing our connection. Exactly. I don't think it was comparison for me. I think I just wanted to be in on everything. Um but at the time me and Nikki weren't that close. Like we didn't really hit it off until school. We were getting closer when you were going through, I feel like this it was per not perfect timing, but like I was unemployed at a time where you were like really, really down bad. So I think we just we really bonded. We really bonded. I was just able, literally able to be there, like I think physically at a time. But it was just really funny because we really like were so mad at each other. No, we were mad, and I was like, no, because I'm like super tough, super like girl, it is not that deep, blah, blah, blah. Which is not nice. That is not, I don't feel like I'm like that now. Like now I'm like, okay, wait, like, why? Like, I don't think I'm like that. But at the time I was. But I remember I was. But I softened up later that day, and I remember I was like sobbing. Like sushi came over and was like, You guys are gonna work it out. You're gonna be okay. I was so I was so upset too. I remember I was talking my shit to my ex wife, and I was like, I just can't believe she was so mean to me. And why would she be so mean to me? Crying and I remember Haley being like, I don't think it's that serious, I could think it's gonna be okay. And I was like, No, like we're also both very deep and like emotional people, and I think that we feel very deeply. Yeah, we read into things a lot. So I think that was also like another thing. We do feel things very, very, very deeply. But I don't even think we do that anymore where we like have a tiff over text either. You know what I mean? Like, I think a lot got lost in translation. Yeah. And I think your text came off a certain way, my text came off a certain way, and like yeah, and I also think that's a good thing. Don't be having tiffs over text, guys. No, and I also just think we have such a different relationship now with a lot of my friends, but specifically you and Haley. Like, I could literally go off on you guys, and I just feel like I'm fighting with my sister. Like, that's kind of how it feels like. Our friendship's never gonna end, yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of security in that. Yeah, not good security. I mean I'm just ignoring it. No, we're not taking advantage of it. No, no, no. Thank you for saying that. Because I was like, wait, hold on. No, we're not taking advantage of it. But I feel like we could talk anything through. Yeah, everything's workouttable. It is. What a beautiful friendship. And see, that's what I mean. Like, I think a lot of it too comes with friendships that are with competitiveness. It depends who. It depends who I was gonna say something bad. Let me shut up. Um no, and I feel like that too with friendships specifically, you really unfortunately you have to be careful with those kind of friendships where it feels like there's comparison or competitiveness. So I feel like with friendship specifically, I don't understand how you could ever not want the best for your friend. I think you just have to be careful with those friendships because I've had those, and it's just like I can feel it. Like I can feel when the friendship isn't good or it's not genuine, or like with a specific girl, I loved being friends with her, and I like truly thought we would have this like great friendship and everything. But this girl was like constantly doing everything for someone else and like going ten times harder. And I remember I'd be like, Am I being crazy? You could see it, but like you can you can knock that stuff and you can be like, No, that's kind of fucked up because I feel like I look out for this person in this way, this way, this way, and this person will not yeah. So I what brand is this? Pewy. Cute, huh? Mm-hmm. Super nice fabric. Yeah, I'm also not wearing a bra. Oh, you can't tell. Like, yep. Have you ever had a friendship like that? She's like, yeah, you. I'm like, so remember when I went on a walk? No, I'm just kidding. Um, no, I don't think I've had a friendship like that. But like how you were saying, I think that comparison isn't always malicious, but you can tell when it is malicious. Like, I think your gut will tell you, especially as a woman, like our instincts are everything, like your gut will tell you, hey, this person is low-key like beefing with you, and it's one-sided kind of, and you don't really understand why. Usually it's because they're a hater, okay, and they're comparing themselves and they're not mad at what they're seeing. Like, they're not mad at the fact that when they compare themselves, like they see you a little higher than them. But besides that point, I think that it is human nature to compare yourself, and I think that it can happen innocently. Um, and it's almost sad in a way. I think that you can compare yourself and it not be malicious. Like, for example, I mean, I don't even feel like this about like my friend, but I could I could feel this way because I'm like this with strangers, but like people who like already have their degree or whatever. I'm like, damn, like had I done this and this, I would have had my degree too, you know? And I'm like hard on myself. And it's not that I'm jealous of a friend, but I'm just like I compare it. Like, I'm like, dang, like, I gotta catch up, you know. Like I have to like, I wanna be on that level too of like stability and success and stuff. And so I think like it's a it's a slippery slope. But when I compare myself or when I am not even I hate to use the word jealous or envious because like I just can't even fathom feeling like that about my friends because I'm just so happy for their success and their journey. But when I do kind of get in my head about certain things in comparison, I think I just have to like remind myself that it's like it's their journey, it's not mine. Everything happens for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. We just talked about that. Everything does happen for a reason. And so yeah, I think it's just like human nature to compare yourself to your friends, and it doesn't, it doesn't take away your happiness from them or for them, you know. Like I'm so happy for my friends. Yeah, I feel like sometimes it really is just such a like it's an internal thing. It's like, damn, Nikki, like you really could be on that level had you done this and this, or they're reaching this level, and it's like, oh, I want all of us to have kids at the same time, but we're just not all in the same place. So like I feel like I do that sometimes, but honestly, one of my favorite things about our friendship is that our moral compass is very similar, and we have the same like morals and values, and that's what makes us the same to our core, like to our heart. But we're individuals and we're all so different, and we all just like do life differently, I think. And it's really hard to compare yourself when like you just know that your friendship is like we're just made up of individual people. Like, I don't think we're dependent on each other, like not in an additive way. No, like I definitely I think we were, and I think that's why we had that issue before, you know, where it was like we have to do things together. I think I mean it in why I don't. Yeah, I think I mean it in terms of like how often I talk to you guys. Yeah, for sure. I mean like I but it's like dependent on the way that I see it. Yeah, it's like, oh, if she does this and it does this to me, or like, you know, like we can't do this without the other, you know, it's not like that. Uh-huh. And that just came with time and growth, I think. Do you agree though that comparison sometimes is not malicious? Or do you think it's always malicious? I don't think it's always malicious, only because I feel like a lot of the time it's mostly because of you. I think that's when it's okay to feel that way, the comparison. But I do feel like it doesn't always have to be this bad thing because, like I said, I don't feel like I refer back to this and compare myself, and I'm like, oh, I'm so jealous of this person for that. Like, I don't think like that. And I I some people do, and that's yeah, crazy. But I think the only time I've ever felt like sad about something is like when I was in that relationship and I saw these people getting the things that I wanted so badly, and it was like, who are you really mad at though? Yourself because you're not in that situation, or like the guy, like you know, like it was never more the people, but I think when you're comparing and you're being a bitch about it, I think that's when it's a bad problem, yeah. When you let it like steal your joy a little. Yeah. But also, too, when you're like not in the same place, like I feel like now I'm like definitely not in the place where I'm like gonna get engaged anytime soon, you know? Yeah. So like I don't feel once somebody gets in the case. That pressure's not there. Yeah. Like good for them, like awesome, you know. But when you are in that situation and you want those things so badly, you do feel that way. Yeah. Okay, I see that. What did you think? I feel like my comparison right now is uh I I feel like I'm comparing Do you ever feel like you compare yourself to your younger version of yourself? Yeah. I do that a lot, I think, more than I do it to other people. Like I'm like, damn, like had I known what I know now at 21, 22, like if I had just moved differently about this, then it's like I probably could have a family by now. Like, I just want I just want a family. I'm not gonna lie. I feel like I've just had this like uh I wanna uh what's it called? Procreate. But I know I'm not in that place, so like I do kind of reel it in and I don't let it like take over too much. But I think that's like my biggest comparison right now. Like when people have it all together and they have the kids and they have the husband and they have the house. I'm like, damn. I wouldn't mind it if I was there right now, you know? Yeah, but you also don't know what it took for them to get there, or you also don't know if they really are there, or if they're happy there, or if that's really what they wanted. So I gotta do that. Hopefully he would all did. Yeah. Go outside, touch grass, go to Target. Uh yeah. No, you're right. And it does, it's not a it's not a everyday thought or anything like that. But it's just like, dang. Just happens sometimes. It's normal. It's not the thing that I can think of the most, probably right now. And I think because like I can see that future with my partner. Yeah. I'm just like, oh, yeah, like I can see that. So I'm just like, mmm. But then I also know, like, okay, everything's everything with its time. When it's supposed to happen, it's gonna happen. And I have a lot of peace with that, but sometimes I'm like, oh, I wish I could fast forward. But then I'm like, Nikki, that's what you wanted before, and it did not work out, so you need to chill. Life, man. She's been in like two like both situations, and now you can use both and be like, you can kind of meet yourself in the middle. You can still feel the way that you felt, but you can also feel the way that you feel. Exactly. But it's really important not to dwell on these things and like compare to the point where you're dwelling because I feel like I also compare to my younger self, like when I graduated high school and I went to college, like I knew I wanted to be a nurse. I was a pre-nursing major. That's what I wanted. And then I sat in class and I remember it was so expensive, and I didn't qualify for any financial aid. So I was just sitting in this like expensive ass class, and I would just psych myself out because I'm like, oh my parents are like self-sabotage. Yes, like my parents are paying so much money for this, and like whatever, it didn't work out. Still took my classes, like I'm still on the same path, but in that moment, or like even now, like I still think back and I'm like, had I just stuck through it and maybe been a little bit more determined or more disciplined, like I would have been done. Life would have been so much better, and I probably would have been done paying my freaking loan by now, or like my parents were actually paying for everything as I was in school. So like I wouldn't have even had any debt, but I just didn't want to do that to them. Like, I just felt so bad that they were working all the time. And I still don't about that. I'm still like, oh, had I just stuck through that and made it worth it, yeah. I would have been done, everything would have been fine. But it's like, who knows who you would have been as a nurse at that young age? You know, like who knows? Like how that would have repeated you. Because I had this conversation with Haley. I remember we were sitting in the car, it was like late at night one night, and we were sitting outside, we were in the car, and I remember we were just talking about that, and I remember feeling sad about it. Like, I wish that I had just stuck it out. Like, this was probably like a year after that, because Haley and I have been friends for a long time. So, like, I remember we would see each other pretty often after that. And I told her that, and she was like, Well, maybe you just weren't ready for it. Like, maybe something was gonna happen where it was gonna really set you back, or like you know, and I having that conversation with her further and more money had been invested. Having that conversation with her really made me feel better, and I feel like I often refer back to that conversation whenever I feel that way because yeah, like you never know, like it happened for a reason, it is what it is, and I just can't dwell on it. And I'm still on the same path, which is why I think it pisses me off even more because it's like I was already here. That's funny. No, uh, it's just hard, guys. But at the end of the day, I sound like a Maya from Love Island. At the end of the day, I think you just gotta be good with you. You gotta be good with like where you're at and how you're doing, like my for you page, like you gotta worry about your own grass. You gotta water your own, you have to take care of your own, and eventually, like it will blossom for you and it will do everything that you want it to do, and it's easier said than done. But I do think that comparison really does steal your joy. Oh my gosh, this is reminding me. Nikki Minaj said something real good to Kiki Palmer. I know Nikki a little dumb, but Kiki's not. Oh little Kiki Palmer. Hello, Kiki Palmer. Let me look at it. I had a friend, um, and I went to a graduation party, and Kiki Palmer was at her graduation party. That is really crazy. Yeah, she was there. Um, this kind of ties back to just back to what we were talking about with social media and like how I really do think that it's not reality, and I think that it is just such a highlight, real. You you are seeing people's best poses, best memories, best experiences, X, Y, and Z, like their house at their cleanest, you know? And it's like you cannot compare yourself to something that is truly like not reality. It's not real, it's just an illusion of what a picture-perfect life looks like. I know some influencers are like very big on transparency and they be airing everything out, and I respect that. But at the end of the day, not everyone has to do that. I think you just have to grow up a little bit and realize that on your own.

SPEAKER_00

Like, hey, everyone loves their own life.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly. You cannot compare yourself, like it is what it is. But, anyways, I was thinking about that one quote because I just feel like Kiki Palmer, if you have seen this interview, like she ate, but she said, Nobody knows what it's like when we turn off the lights and we gotta be with ourselves. So you do whatever you need to do to be good with you. And that unfortunately, like that ate, and that is so freaking true. And I actually go back to this interview in my own little head all the time because I'm like, we don't like yeah, like we don't know what it's like for those people online, what it's like when it's just them in their home, the doors are closed, the lights are down, and it's just them with their family or their partner or whatever it may be. But we do know what goes on in our own home, and we do know how blessed our life is, how beautiful our life is, how literally just the fact that we can wake up and feed ourselves and walk downstairs to the kitchen, whatever it may be, like that already is such a huge blessing on its own. So sometimes we have to remind ourselves of that. A lot of the times I think we have to remind ourselves of how beautiful our life already is with just the bare minimum, and we cannot be discouraged by other people's success or the things that they may have. And that's really how I feel about that. I agree.

SPEAKER_00

And just remember that not everything is what people want it to seem. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_01

You know, I've noticed that when I'm talking, like this is not what it seems I've noticed that the crazy part about me wanting to start a podcast is that I'm actually the most illiterate person to exist. Like I cannot put two words together ever. And what I mean by that is that not everybody wants you to see what they're going through or for you to see that they're doing bad. So some people do. Some people are very open, like me. And more people should be like that. But you know, I wasn't I wasn't very open during that time. You don't know. You never don't know. And even then, even if we are open, like there are things, there are things with my family, there are things in my own personal brain that I probably will never say out loud because I don't have to. But it's like Yeah, there's things that are so embarrassing about some things that I've been through that still nobody knows about. And like it's gotta stay that way because it's so embarrassing to the grave. Right. And like nobody can know about this. It's gotta stay a secret. Except for me, Rocky An. What are you so serious serious about? Thinking before I speak. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I do think that I'm very quick to wait, can I tell you something? Mm-hmm. I was very impulsive like that. Like really very impulsive. I think I'm a lot better now. But man, did they get me into some trouble? Sometimes you gotta learn the hard way. Yeah, you do. I had to learn the hard way recently. And I did learn because I'm I really do I'm at a point in my life where I recognize that and I it's something I gotta work on, or something I am gonna work on because I gotta put my I gotta put my money where my mouth is at, okay? And I'm always preaching to people like you can grow, you can change, you can be better, and it's like that goes for me as well. But anyways, I think that I could spend some time in my head before I say it out of my mouth, and I don't think I say anything crazy. I don't feel like I'm mean per se or like verbally inappropriate or whatever, but I think that sometimes I just need to pick my battles with people and I need to maybe reel it in a little bit. For example, one of my mom's siblings, she's younger, so I feel like I feel more comfortable, like I can really go at her, and it's like, oh she's younger than you? No. Oh, okay, okay. Oh, I see, I see, I see.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um, and I just feel like I don't know why I feel like I could really go at it with her, you know what I mean? And it's like some things though are like better left unsaid. And sometimes that brings more peace than expressing every thought that you have or every emotion. Because you know what? I actually don't think it's my thoughts. I think it's my emotions that I just I'm like, no, I need to tell you how I feel. I think I realize that a lot of my emotions are like temporary and I'll feel very strongly for an hour or two, and then I'm I'm good off of it. So maybe to save other people the trouble, and so other people can have a peaceful day, I can just reel it in.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And if I still feel you know, my role is gonna be if I still feel like this tomorrow, I will talk about it. You know, I will bring it up. A big example obviously is my partner. That is the person that I have huge emotions with. And so I feel like I could just chill out for a day or two, and then if it's something that I feel like I'm still you don't let it affect your energy, exactly, yeah, and that's the biggest thing because it's like, yeah, I could hold it in, but then if it's like I'm a brat or I'm quiet or I'm closed off or it's bringing me down. I honestly think that you could still voice all your things just calmly. Yeah. Like you don't have to keep quiet or like hold it in. Even if that's only how you feel for the hour, like you should still say it. Maybe just not take it to the extreme. Yeah. That's the part I gotta work on, huh? That's the part. No, but see no, but can you imagine like someone just telling you constantly, like, oh, that hurt my feelings? And it's like, did it really like you got over it in an hour? Is it really that deep? It is but can I be honest? Overwhelming. I feel like if that were me and you, or if that were you and sushi, like I personally feel like sushi would be like, did it hurt like it did it hurt your feelings? Like, okay, let's talk about it later. Or let's talk about it now. Like, at least like I know or he knows, or whoever's like, like, don't bottle it up completely. I don't think you're ready, because then I'll explode. It can always be like boom, that kind of bothered me. Move on. We'll talk about it later. We'll see if I'm still like bothered by it in an hour. I like, I know I could get to that point, but like, dang, that's crazy. I remember I was talking to my friend Meredith one time, side story, and she was like telling me this thing, and she was like, Yeah, and I told him, like, we'll just talk about it later. And I was like, and did you talk about it later? She was like, Yeah. And I was like, and you were like fine that night, like like normal. And she was like, Yeah, because I told him that we'll talk about it later. And I was like, So that's it. So how did you like separate that? Like, how did you compartmentalize that? You know? I was like, because like it wasn't the time to address it with even myself too. And I'm like, how did you go to that point? I think you get to a point where you're like, I just want things to be good. Like I don't want to like fight with you, and like that should never be the intention to like constantly be fighting with your partner. And so I feel like if you just give it the time that it needs and you still let them know, or you still let me know, or whoever you're upset with, and then like later on, if it still needs to be addressed, like you can do that, you know, and just like remember that you love the person. Remember that you love me, remember that like just remember the good and just try to be happy. I think in the past, I was definitely like that though. Like I could not keep things together and I would shut down, I'd be such a bitch. Like, I was just you made me upset. And I think also it comes with a lot of like, at least for me, came with a lot of resentment. So if I was acting like that, it was probably just because I kept thinking about like the terrible things this guy had done to me. So you just You just gotta remember that the person you're with and your friends are doing good by you. Yeah. Yep. I do need to know that. And like I can't take past situations, I can't project that. But I definitely was not based off of emotions. I think I was like, well, emotions, yeah, but like thoughts. Like if it like if I thought about it, I said it. I was quick. I was like, I want this person dead. Like, you know, like I was very like drop dead. And maybe I still am sometimes, but sometimes I feel like I have reason for it, and maybe that's also a toxic trait. But yeah, I think I'm better at it, at least with like my friends and the people that love me and I love. Kind of reminds me of our episode on friendships and how it's like before you check your friend, you gotta check yourself. And I feel like instead of asking a person why did that hurt me? Like, maybe I need to ask myself, like, why did this hurt my feelings and did it really, you know? Yeah. Wow, that's a very serious, seriously serious. I am really seriously serious about it because it has affected my life. Like it is something that I want to grow from. Yeah. But yeah. You definitely can. Oh, yeah, for sure. I'm ever evolving. Ever evolving. What are you so seriously serious about today? Um, I'm really serious about this podcast. And yeah, I really I'm like same. I really feel like these last two months, like May was so busy for me. I feel like June was so busy for you. Like we were just like on different timelines, and we were just with work and like everything was just coming down on us really quick. But when we started this podcast, we really had like big dreams for it, and I think we still have those same dreams, and we want to make this like as adorable and cute as possible. And so no malo here, but um for real. Don't compare yourself, exactly. We really do want to like invest in the studio or like make a place. We just want to take it to the next level for sure. And have like cameras and you know, really get into editing and like content, invest in that because we really do love what we do and we love this side of our lives together. So we want to continue it for sure. Yeah, so I think we um I think we just also had so many expenses too and like prior like spending money and investing money on a I was just going everywhere too. Yeah, I was too. I mean, we tr we did a lot of traveling, we just had so many events, so much shopping to do for things that we needed to get done. And so I think we were like pushing this back. But I think that now that we're both kind of like transitioning and we're both calming down with things, like I think it's time for us to like really get serious about our editing, our podcasting, our videos, like just all those really cool things that we love about a podcast. Like, I'd love to be like therapists. Yeah, I'm serious too. And our guests, we are so excited to like bring on people and like have that's like our biggest thing conversations. We're ready to involve people, we just need to like physically get ready for it and like be more prepared because it it is it's a lot of work and it's a lot of um resources. Yeah, and I think one thing about both Nikki and I is like we don't like to half-ass things. I think exactly so it's hard. Yes. We want to make like our presentation good to our guests, we want them to be comfortable, like we want to have a good place, we want them to like feel cute when they're in our spot. Like we're just really big into like aesthetic and comfortability. Yeah, we literally didn't like the audio on one of our episodes, and like we redid the whole thing. Like it was just we really love this and we want to continue. We want to bring you guys along the good package. Yeah. Oh, I'm serious about that too. I love that. So stay tuned. I think we're like both really passionate and serious about that for sure. Which means we're gonna make it happen. Exactly. That's how we are, period. Perr. Alright. That's everything. I had so much fun this week. Me too. Can't wait to talk next week.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, we'll see you guys soon, and we'll we'll talk to you guys soon. Okay, bye.

SPEAKER_01

Bye. Oh, my name is Celeste. Oh, yeah. And my name is Nikki, and we'll talk soon. Bye.

unknown

Bye.