The Story Behind Still Choosing Us

 In this first episode of Still Choosing Us, Omar and Yami share the real story behind their 18-year marriage—one shaped by a blended family, financial struggles, communication challenges, trauma, faith, and seasons when they weren’t sure they would make it. Instead of offering perfect answers, they open the door to honest conversations about what it means to stay committed through hard moments and keep choosing each other again and again. This episode is for couples in the middle—those who love each other but know marriage isn’t always easy—and who need a reminder that they’re not alone and there is still hope. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Before we start, if your marriage feels hard right now, you're not failing.

SPEAKER_01 0:04

And if you were, I don't know if I can keep doing this, you're not weak.

SPEAKER_00 0:08

You're certainly not alone.

SPEAKER_01 0:09

This pocket is not about perfect marriage. We don't have one.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

We've been married 18 years. There's a 13-year age gap between us. We blended a family young and we raised kids while still growing up ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

We walked through property, trauma, and fight we didn't know how to fix. There were times we were not sure we can make it.

SPEAKER_00 0:27

But we kept choosing it again.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

Again after disappointment, again after hard seasons.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

This podcast is for couples in the middle.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

We are not here to give you a perfect answer.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

We're just still here, and we're glad you're right.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Hi, I'm Omar.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

So this podcast is about marriage. And a lot of people seem to think that strong marriages never think about leaving.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

Yeah, definitely. That's not our story.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

No, that is not our story. And definitely there were many days we did not like each other.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

I mean, we were broke most of the time, confused, you know, and fighting constantly.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

Yeah, fights were a thing, but we're still here and married.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

Yeah, and we're still growing and still choosing us.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

And how long have we been married?

SPEAKER_01 2:03

We've been married for 18 years.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

With three kids, two that are your step kids, our son that is 30 with a four-year-old grandchild, our daughter that's 24, and our little one that's 16, which is not so little anymore.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

I know. I mean, we definitely have different personalities as well.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

Yes, I'm very A-type, very driven, straightforward. I can be quirky. Definitely up front.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

Yes, I have to agree with that. Which I'm the opposite, kind of of those things. I consider myself more overthinker. I'm a hard worker. I'm a really laid-back guy. I'm really reliable with my friends. And when I love, I love heart.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

You definitely do love heart, and I love that.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

And I'm faithful.

SPEAKER_00 2:49

Well.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

With my faith and with you, of course.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

I mean, we're hoping on that, right? Yeah. We both come from immigrant parents, but very different though. They all came from Cuba. But mine came at a very young age.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

Yeah, my dad came later than that. He's almost in his 50s, 60s.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

Yes. So I was born here in the U.S. and I grew up in a home where my dad was very Americanized, do you want to say? He spoke both English and Spanish. And my mom, I mean, it's a little broken, but she still knows both languages.

SPEAKER_01 3:24

Yeah. In my side of the family, nobody speaks English. They don't speak Spanish. Nobody does. I think I'm the only one in my nephews that speak English.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

Yeah. Yeah, you're the only one. And my side, it's totally different. Yep. And I had a very driven father. And you had a very hardworking father. Yeah. Which also is part of why we have these personalities we have.

SPEAKER_01 3:44

Yeah, I know. So I have a question for you.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:49

Why do we decide to talk about marriage publicly? Oh, because marriage is hard. I know, right? You know, also many couples feel alone.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

And we realized that when we started opening up about our marriage to our friends and we became very real about our marriage, we realized that couples don't really talk to each other about their marriages.

SPEAKER_01 4:15

No.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

We live in this world where it's that, what is it, the Facebook perfect marriage? Yes. And so that reality, the real issues are not talked about.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

So that's parking idea, you know. We just want to talk about real issues, the merry go through. And yeah, we're gonna do great.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

We are. I mean, this is you know, marriage is something that is so hard and not talked about enough. And a lot of people feel like they're failing. And what they don't realize is we all have hard moments. I mean, you and me, we've wanted to walk away many times from this marriage.

SPEAKER_01 5:00

But we decided to stay.

SPEAKER_00 5:01

But we've decided to stay.

SPEAKER_01 5:03

Yeah. I mean, that's all to do with the way that we we met.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:08

Right? We met in church.

SPEAKER_00 5:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 5:11

That was in 2008.

SPEAKER_00 5:12

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

When we met. It was an age gap between you and me.

SPEAKER_00 5:17

I was 34.

SPEAKER_01 5:18

And I was only 21.

SPEAKER_00 5:20

Which is usually the opposite. Usually the man is older. But in this case, I'm older. And we did. We did have an age gap.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

I know.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

Well, we still do.

unknown 5:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

We forget sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

Yeah, with time we forget about it.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

So I'm gonna ask you. Yes. You said we met in church. Yes. Meaning I walked in through the doors and you had no clue who I was.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

Normally that's what happened, right? You're walking through the door.

SPEAKER_00 5:47

Wow. As you can see, we're very sassy with each other. So what did you feel when you first saw me?

SPEAKER_01 5:54

Oh wow. So first of all, you were really cute when you walk into the church. You were friendly. Which I love that about you. You're still friendly, which is amazing after everything that we've been through. You were really talkative. So that created a good dynamic between you and me. Even to this day we talk a lot. So that's a good thing. Yeah, I know this may sound corny, but I love the sound of your voice. I still do like the sound of your voice quite a lot. So I can ask you the same question. Even though you have a short answer.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

So when I so when I first met you and I saw you, I was like, oh, cute kid.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

Yeah, I was gay.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

Yeah, what a good good Christian boy. Like what a nice guy. But of course, I didn't walk into church looking for a relationship.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

No. It was a reason behind that.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

Yeah. I was married.

SPEAKER_01 6:55

You were married.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

So the first weekend I walked into church, and I did not walk in with a husband or children. I walked in with my mom and you thought I was a lot younger. And then the following weekend I did. I walked in with a husband and two children. So what did you think when you realized I was married?

SPEAKER_01 7:17

I was really disappointed, I'm gonna be honest with you. Of course, growing up in church, I was thought of you know, I always thought, you know, you pray for your spouse. And I did pray. I prayed for my future wife and everything. And I when I saw you, I was like, man, this is the one. And next Sunday, I was so disappointed. I can say I was a little bit heartbroken. Because I really, really liked you. I mean, it was something when I saw you for the first time that to me, it was really amazing. And I can say I was really disappointed. I was uh I was heartbroken.

SPEAKER_00 7:55

We did become friends. We did, we did become friends, yeah. Um and then we became leaders together and I reprimanded you one day.

SPEAKER_01 8:03

Mm-hmm. I know, and that changed everything.

SPEAKER_00 8:06

And you felt how did you feel about me after I reprimanded you?

SPEAKER_01 8:09

Oh my god. You know, like I like every man should feel out there. I feel so small when you did that to me. I feel like a kid, and I was just I got really upset with you. I was really upset with you, really mad. And that changed for a while. I didn't like you for a long time. Almost a year.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

And look at us now.

SPEAKER_01 8:35

18 years later.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

18 years later. You know, when we got married, marriage started falling apart for us very early in our marriage. And it wasn't because we didn't love each other. It was because we didn't know how to handle life together. There were so many things that were against the odds for us.

SPEAKER_01 9:01

Yeah. I mean let's start by the fact that for example is you know the blended family, you know, the challenge that that brings. I was not a dent.

SPEAKER_00 9:13

No. You were only 21.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

I was 21.

SPEAKER_00 9:15

Still living with your parents. Let's add that in there.

SPEAKER_01 9:18

Yeah. So I didn't have too much experience about life. It was hard to learn to be one overnight. And also, in the midst of that, I had to learn how to share my time with you. You know, because when you're young, you you don't have to worry about kids. You have time to date and get to know that person. With me, it was different. For us, it was a little bit different because I have to learn how to date you, but at the same time, I had to be there for the kids and also allow the kids to go through the process, you know, of all that time in our life.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

And they weren't small. No. Our son was 12 at that time. And Ali was six. Yeah, she was six years old. She was a very good one. She was a firecracker.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

Yeah, she was the one that it was the hardest of the two kids.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

We also had financial struggles. Yes. I even though I had a career and I had a house, you were very young and you were still working part-time.

SPEAKER_01 10:20

I never finished college.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

You didn't finish college. I was in the process of finishing, but I was already working in a university at that time.

SPEAKER_01 10:27

Yeah. I didn't finish college.

SPEAKER_00 10:29

And you were part-time at a Target.

SPEAKER_01 10:31

Yeah. I was working in Target.

SPEAKER_00 10:33

When we first met.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

I was I don't even know that if we were making$9 an hour in the time.

SPEAKER_00 10:38

And then that's when that then you did get somewhat financially stable with a good job. And then that's when that market crash happened. And everybody was losing their jobs. Yeah. And we lived in a city that wasn't a big city.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

No, it was a construction more. It was a construction city kind of deal. Yeah. You know, construction was the primary jobs that you can get out there. And when the economy fell, that was that was it.

SPEAKER_00 11:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:03

And we struggle a lot. And that and that bring a big stretch in your marriage.

SPEAKER_00 11:09

Yeah. And then on top of that, we had communication struggles. Of course. Because I was very different. Yes. I when I was upset about something, I did not know how to communicate. I would shut down and did not want to speak to you.

SPEAKER_01 11:24

I I laugh because it was I was the I was the opposite of you. You know, I wanted to communicate right then. Then I just want to fix it no matter where we are, if it was in the grocery store, on vacation, it doesn't matter. We just got to fix this right here and now. I didn't care who was around, and that was such a struggle for you. And I wanted to run.

SPEAKER_00 11:43

Yes. I wanted to just bless and be alone. Yes. And I remember how frustrating that was for you.

SPEAKER_01 11:49

Oh my God, yes. Because I was like, let's talk about this thing. Let's figure this thing out right now. Which I had learned not to do that anymore. And I think that is such a mature part. Because we can come into the comfort of our house every time that we have an issue and we can talk.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

And now I don't I don't get that way either. I don't shut you out.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

No, we communicate.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

Yeah. I've become very we learn how to communicate. I may not always vocalize the right way the first time, but I am more vocal and we do get to talk things through.

SPEAKER_01 12:19

Not everybody knows how to do it right the first time. No. So that's okay.

SPEAKER_00 12:23

But I will say that with marriage, there's always all these expectations that we put on a marriage.

SPEAKER_01 12:31

It's always a you have the expectation versus versus reality, of course. You know? You have this expectation of how things are gonna be or how things should be versus the reality part about it.

SPEAKER_00 12:45

So tell me one expectation you had and then the reality.

SPEAKER_01 12:48

Oh my God, easy right away. Sex. It was gonna be constantly. It was gonna be awesome. Every day, every day, all day, of course. You know, you're dating in the beginning. So when you walk into the reality of everything, and you walk, you know, you start working, you start dealing with kids, you start dealing with marriage situation, the arguments happen, financial things, the stress, the honeymoon part ends. Yeah. And the reality hits. So that was for me was a big shock. I have to learn how to do and walk through that big time. It was a hard season.

SPEAKER_00 13:28

We did have hard seasons. So now I'm gonna ask you something.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

When did you realize that marriage was harder than you expected?

SPEAKER_01 13:37

When we move in together.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

Yeah, I agree. You have all these beautiful thoughts in your head. And even though I had been married before and I knew that marriage was hard, this was very different for me. And I had all these beautiful expectations in my mind about how great it would be. And same thing, right? This beautiful honeymoon romance. You would cuddle me every single day, like we were doing. And then the reality, the reality of the arguments, the reality of days that I felt so frustrated in this marriage. God, I I I wanted to run. There were so many times I just wanted to run. Yeah. And I and I didn't because I am that go-getter, right? I'm gonna figure this out. But it it was hard. That those realities can be really hard.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

And if we want to be realistic, I did run away multiple times because it was easy, right? It was easy for me to run awake. I mean, but when you move in together and reality hit, it takes a really strong character from somebody. And I had to learn that the hard way. Running is not the answer of everything. Facing those problems and realize that okay, this is the person that I want to be with for the rest of my life, that takes courage.

SPEAKER_00 15:07

Well, that's where it's choosing us is where it always came in. Like that was it it's hard. Because running an ending is a lot easier than choosing each other every single day.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

I think giving up is a lot it can be easier, but for me is the coward way.

SPEAKER_00 15:28

So I I remember a moment when I think we both felt like we were gonna give up on each other, and that's when we did this move here to Texas. Yes. From Florida. And we were apart for three months during that move. And when we both came back together, it was like we were starting our marriage all over again.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

I think that was a hard season in our marriage. It was harder than the beginning.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

Yeah, that was definitely a season where I think we both wanted to just kind of throw in the towel and give up. But we stayed.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

And I like that we stayed. I'm glad that we stayed because we are I am really, really happy that we made this work.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

Me too.

SPEAKER_01 16:13

And I'm happy that we grow together and we still growing together.

SPEAKER_00 16:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

And this is the reason why the title of the podcast came in.

SPEAKER_00 16:22

Still choosing us. I think one of the pinnacle parts of our lives was when we both thought about growth, but not me trying to change you or you trying to change me, which that happened, right? There's a lot of that, but it's when we started growing ourselves. We started going into our own self-development and our own healing. That helped us to it it kind of rolled into our marriage. And that's I think that's really where the things started changing. But before that, what's really kept us together, uh I say, was our faith.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

I think that was a panic of our life. Faith to me was really important. It still is really important. That's what kept us together through all. You know, the days that we prayed together, that we I think the times that we used to go to church that we still go to church, but in those times it was good because we were used to get up to something together as a family. Especially you and me, and you know, that was a really important part in our life.

SPEAKER_00 17:36

Yeah. And the commitment for each other. Yeah. I think because we had the commitment to our faith, it was we knew we had a commitment to each other. And that was really important for us. We just chose each other every day. Like even on those hard days when we probably wouldn't even say a word to each other. We still chose to come home and be together.

SPEAKER_01 17:59

Yeah, that was important. I mean, I agree. I mean, self-development, pray was a big deal, you know.

SPEAKER_00 18:06

And love evolves.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

We are not the same people we were 18 years ago.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

Trust me.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

By far. We are not. And it always makes me think of that quote you say that you marry a person 10 times in a lifetime. And it's not that we got married 10 times, it's just we've changed so much. We are nowhere near that person. I know I'm not the person you married 18 years ago.

SPEAKER_01 18:31

No, you have to it's because we also, I mean, if we go back, right, to self-development and we go back to the growing, the faith, commitment, and all that kind of stuff, you grow in each part of your life in a different time of your life and different season. So when you're growing, you're developing a new character in your life, which you have to learn how to accommodate those characteristics in your life in that time. Because everything is different. The person that you are right now, you are not the person, the same person 10 years ago. I'm not the same person 10 years ago. Thank God for that.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

I know.

SPEAKER_01 19:14

And I'm definitely not a 21-year-old kid.

SPEAKER_00 19:18

So we can see it with our kids. Yeah. How even as parents, because our kids have big age gaps. I guess a gaps is a common theme in our whole family. But all our kids have a gaps. So they've got in different parents along the way as well. And our youngest, even in our faith, we've evolved so much and it's so different that they all have had a different mom, a different dad. And meaning you've had a different wife and I've had a different husband.

SPEAKER_01 19:57

That's true. And we had to grow. Oh my God. Growing in our marriage with kids.

SPEAKER_00 20:05

It's a challenge.

SPEAKER_01 20:06

It's a challenge.

SPEAKER_00 20:07

That's, you know, when I think about like, okay, what are we gonna talk about? I know that one of the biggest ones is that the challenge of not only that this was blended, but that we think very different.

SPEAKER_02 20:21

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:22

As parents. We're parenting different. We parent very, very different. And that's that's been a lot of arguments in our lives. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 20:31

Instant struggles.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

We've had intimacy struggles, changes, you know, in my body. I mean, just so many little things like that. Um we've had a, you know, you had a porn addiction.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:45

That's which we had to work through.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

I think that was a tough one.

SPEAKER_00 20:50

That was for me, it wasn't, which is the funny part. So even in that, right? Like, even in the struggles, what we feel is a struggle in our marriage could look very differently to you than it does to me.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

Yes. Yeah, to me. I love because to me that was the end of the world.

SPEAKER_00 21:07

And to me, I was like, really? Is that the problem that we're having? God, we could have fixed that a long time ago. Communication fights. Yeah. You know, we've had so many of those.

SPEAKER_01 21:20

Healing out of trauma.

SPEAKER_00 21:21

Healing out of trauma, financial stress, all the roller coasters we've gone through with finances, and even how we've overcome that. And, you know, I think about it, and I know that we're no experts. We're not psychiatrists. No. But we are experts at being married for 18 years and having every odd, everything that can be against us.

SPEAKER_01 21:48

I know.

SPEAKER_00 21:49

Be against us.

SPEAKER_01 21:50

I mean, talk about it, right?

SPEAKER_00 21:51

Age different backgrounds. Blended family.

SPEAKER_01 21:56

Step parenting.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

Gosh. Finances. Even the way we used to look at money was different.

SPEAKER_01 22:03

Back in the day, yes. The way we look at money right now is way different than what we used to look at back in the day.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

And I'm just excited to share our story to be able to hopefully we can't have one-on-one conversations with everybody out there. But we definitely can be very real.

SPEAKER_01 22:22

I think that's the best part. Just the authenticity in our life.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

I mean, this is for marriages that are in that middle. Exactly. That are that sometimes feel like we're alone. And we're not. I mean, we like you said, you have said before, all our problems may look different, but the themes are very common.

SPEAKER_01 22:45

Yeah. Yeah, it may look different for everybody, but I'm pretty sure most of the marriage are going through this. Yes. It just never fails.

SPEAKER_00 22:56

It doesn't. And you know, when you are able to open that up, it just gives you that moment of I'm not alone.

SPEAKER_01 23:07

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 23:08

And there may be hope.

SPEAKER_01 23:09

Yeah, it's always hope. Trust me. If it was not hope, we haven't made it.

SPEAKER_00 23:14

No. And so we look forward to talking to you guys and to hearing how every day we still choose us.

SPEAKER_01 23:23

And we still choose us.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

Before we end, take a breath.

SPEAKER_01 23:29

You don't have to fix anything tonight.

SPEAKER_00 23:31

If something in this episode stirred emotions, that doesn't mean something is wrong with you or your marriage.

SPEAKER_01 23:37

It means something matters.

SPEAKER_00 23:39

You're allowed to take what helped and leave the rest.

SPEAKER_01 23:42

You are allowed to go slow.

SPEAKER_00 23:44

If staying feels heavy right now, you're not alone in that.

SPEAKER_01 23:47

And if listening brought a little bit of clarity or relief, we are honored to see here with you.

SPEAKER_00 23:54

Thank you for trusting us with your story, even the parts you didn't say out loud.

SPEAKER_01 23:58

We are still here.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

And we're glad you are too much.