When Small Misunderstandings Turn Into Big Arguments

In this episode of Still Choosing Us, we share a real argument that happened just hours before recording — and honestly, it started over something small.

A simple comment about a picnic turned into frustration, silence, and hurt feelings. But when we slowed down and talked through what actually happened, we realized the argument wasn’t about the picnic at all. It was about expectations, assumptions, and feeling misunderstood.

If you’ve ever thought:
 “Why did that conversation turn into a fight?”
 or
 “Why does my partner hear something different than what I meant?”

You’re not alone.

In this episode we talk about:
 • how misunderstandings really start
 • why we react instead of listening
 • how expectations quietly shape arguments
 • what to do when emotions take over
 • and one simple conversation exercise you can try together this week

Marriage isn’t about never misunderstanding each other.
 It’s about choosing to understand each other again and again.

If things feel hard right now, this episode is for you. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Before we start, if your marriage feels hard right now, you're not failing.

SPEAKER_00 0:04

And if you thought, I don't know if I can keep doing this, you're not weak.

SPEAKER_02 0:08

You're certainly not alone.

SPEAKER_00 0:09

This pocket is not about perfect marriage. We don't have one.

SPEAKER_02 0:12

We've been married 18 years. There's a 13-year age gap between us. We blended a family young and we raised kids while still growing up ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

We walked through poverty, trauma, and fight we didn't know how to fix. There were times we were not sure we can make it.

SPEAKER_02 0:27

But we kept choosing again.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

Again after disappointment, again after hard seasons.

SPEAKER_02 0:32

This podcast is for couples in the middle, where marriage is messy and real.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

We are not here to give you a perfect answer.

SPEAKER_02 0:39

We're just still here and we're glad you're too. So we're going to share about this weekend.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

Yeah, that was a fun weekend.

SPEAKER_02 1:55

You all want honest and truthful. Here we go.

SPEAKER_00 2:00

We're gonna give you one for sure. Last weekend it was good. Last weekend we were in Ultra. So we were just parting and having a good time.

SPEAKER_02 2:08

So we did have a great time. We went to Miami with our friends to an EDM festival. And as you guys get to know us more, you'll get to know that we are crazy EDM fans. We love it. We love it. So we came back and getting back into the routine of life. And we went for a walk yesterday. It was supposed to be a walk to get some exercise and get some steps in. It ended up into a blowout and me walking home.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

Because you want to walk home. I didn't ask you to walk home.

SPEAKER_02 2:46

I didn't. You didn't.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

I didn't even hear you saying that you were walking home. I was just like, all right, go walk.

SPEAKER_02 2:53

So we parted ways at the park when we got upset with each other. And we'll share now why we got upset.

SPEAKER_00 2:59

We said bye to each other.

SPEAKER_02 3:00

And there was a moment when I saw him coming my way, and I completely went a different way. Because I didn't even want to look at him. And then I walked home. That was my my cue to just go home.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

I saw you. I saw you walking to me. I was walking to you, and you're a sudden you're like, oops, make another turn. I start laughing, but whatever. I just finished my walk.

SPEAKER_02 3:23

So misunderstandings are always funny. Are huge. And if they in our marriage, in these 18 years we've been together, that is, I think, one of our biggest downfalls are misunderstandings.

SPEAKER_00 3:38

Yeah, that's what I'm really earning in a relationship too.

SPEAKER_02 3:41

Oh, yes, they did. And I think the biggest thing is that when we talk to each other, we're not hearing what the person says. We're interpreting by everything we have inside of us. Do you agree with that?

SPEAKER_00 3:54

I have to agree with that. I think it's had to be with a part that we just expecting an answer of what you want to say. And when you don't get that answer, then it's just like really, really dude.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

Okay, so let's share the story. So everybody can see how stupid this one was.

SPEAKER_00 4:10

I mean, the comment that you said it was fine. It should have turned into something really nice and thoughtful, but I let you tell the story.

SPEAKER_02 4:19

Okay. So we walk into a park, and in this park, it's a very pretty park. It has a lake right in the middle. And so lately there's been a lot of people doing picnics, a lot of couples. And I don't know if you girls have seen it, but there's these pretty picnics where they come out, they do this whole romantic setup for you. And you all you have to do is get there with the food, have this romantic afternoon, and then you walk up, you leave, and they pick up. So there was one like that yesterday. And I walk in and I look at Omar and I smack him in the arm. Not hard, ladies. I don't abuse on my husband. But I said, Wow, how come you never do a picnic like that for me? And I said it smiling. But do you want to share?

SPEAKER_00 5:08

That's not the way I took it. I took it like you were criticizing me that I was not being romantic enough. Or why you not do this for me? And that would just trigger something in me. Oh my god. Are we gonna do this episode without laughing so much?

SPEAKER_02 5:26

I don't think we can because as we go through it, we're gonna realize oh my gosh, misunderstandings can be such a blow up.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

Well, now that I'm talking about it, it sounds really stupid.

SPEAKER_02 5:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

Why I got upset.

SPEAKER_02 5:39

So share. Share what you said. What was your next comment to me?

SPEAKER_00 5:43

Well, we continue walking.

SPEAKER_02 5:45

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

I finished this. So we were walking, and not even 10 minutes into the walk, you stop and you're like, why are we just gonna have a normal conversation? Why we can why'd that have to bother you so much? And then after that, I was just like, Well, why you always had to just say that I don't do enough for you? Why you always that's your your thing? And and that was it.

SPEAKER_02 6:10

And I looked at you and I said, Are you kidding me? I probably didn't say those exact words. I'm sure I was a little more vulgar than that. But I said, Are you kidding me? And that's it. Then I got pissed because you said something to me that also triggered me. You said, Well, why don't you do a picnic for me?

SPEAKER_00 6:30

Oh, that's right. Yeah, I said to you, Well, why don't you do a picnic for for me too? I mean, why only girls are the ones that have to get picnics and things like that? I'm your husband too. I'm in this marriage as well.

SPEAKER_02 6:40

And why do I always have to do something for you?

SPEAKER_00 6:42

I'm the always who had to plan something for you.

SPEAKER_02 6:44

Okay, so now let's take it back, right? Misunderstanding. I said he should do cute picnics for me. He comes back and throws in my face that why don't I do it for him? And then we walk in silence, and then I said, Really? And you got all blown up, and then that's when we parted ways, and I refused to not finish my walk because we were gonna go home. Yeah, we turned around to go home, and then I said, Nope, I'm just gonna walk home. And I kept doing my walk, and I don't know what you did. I guess you kept walking too.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

I kept walking to the park and then I checked your location, and your location said that you were still in the park, but I didn't see you in the park. Yeah, I was already by the high school.

SPEAKER_02 7:24

So like when you called me, I was already by the high school walk.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

Yeah, so that's when I call you and everything. As a matter of fact, let's say I did I don't need no picnic, by the way. I'm just I was just saying things.

SPEAKER_02 7:35

So something as simple as a comment like that causes to be in an argument for the rest of the evening, and we did not speak to each other until this morning. We definitely are not the couple that don't go to bed upset. We do go to bed upset. I wish you all could see him now. If he's embarrassed, like if you all were watching him right now.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

I'm not embarrassed, I'm just laughing. He's so stupid. Oh my god. I'm not editing any of this thing.

SPEAKER_02 8:08

We are not editing this one. So let's talk about why it was a misunderstanding. Yeah, what happens when a simple statement can cause a blow-up?

SPEAKER_00 8:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:24

So Stephen Covey says that most people do not listen with the intent to understand, they listen to the intent to reply.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

Yeah, I definitely was not listening to understand what you were saying.

SPEAKER_02 8:40

And I wasn't either.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

I was just replying.

SPEAKER_02 8:42

Because when you responded to me about, oh, well, why don't you do me a picnic? I also misunderstood. So this was two-sided.

SPEAKER_00 8:53

And then proud and proudfulness gets in the way because after you say what you said, then I'm walking in and just listening to music. And I realized, God, that's this one is blow out of proportion. But it was too late. And then pride got in there, and obviously, whatever. It is what it is.

SPEAKER_02 9:08

And we've done this, we've done this. We're just sharing the story because this was just yesterday.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:14

But this has happened multiple times. And I I know for me, when you said, Well, why don't you do a picnic for me? In my head, what I heard is, I don't do enough for you. Oh, I heard like you always have to do something for me, and I never do enough for you. So, of course, I went to the well, you have dinner every day, and I make sure you have lunch all the time. And I went to the list of items that I do for you every single day.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

I went through my list too. I was like, okay, I made you, I remote the house, which I don't feel like doing. A whole full remodel, I remodeled the kitchen, I painted the house, I did other things that you want to do, and you still say that it's not enough. So I think the thing is, I think the problem coming when you think that you are not, when you feel like you're not doing enough.

SPEAKER_02 10:06

Well, that's what that's what how we both heard it.

SPEAKER_00 10:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

That we're not doing enough for each other.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

Yeah, it's not enough that you were doing for me. And I'm pretty sure vice versa.

SPEAKER_02 10:14

And that's not always a misunderstanding. I mean, there's so many different misunderstandings, right? But this particular argument was those little comments drove us to think that we were not doing enough for each other. So dumb. And that we were not enough.

SPEAKER_00 10:31

I'm gonna stop laughing. So dumb.

SPEAKER_02 10:33

I know, but this is what happens. Yeah, meaning that there's still inside of us these things like we talked about last time that we think we have, we think that our partner has an expectation on us still.

SPEAKER_00 10:48

It's all expectation, it's all expectation. I mean, as much as you think that you still have things figured out, it's still your expectations of what things should be or should look like in your in your marriage. And something simple like that. Because, okay, so here's the thing, right? I'm gonna elaborate a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

Go for it.

SPEAKER_00 11:05

So I get out of the car. I have all this idea, you know, of like walking in the park, we're having a great time. I put my headphones on, we listen to trans music. I mean, we just enjoying and continue the enjoyment of last weekend. And I see, and the funny thing is, I see the picnic, and in my mind I was like, I bet you're gonna say something. I bet she's gonna say something. And I didn't want to hear that because I already had plans of the walk and kind of like conversation that we were gonna have and topics that we were gonna talk about later. And when I got a little smack in the arm, I know what it was coming. And I was just ready for it. In my mind, it was like, you know what? Screw this. I'm I'm not gonna bow, I'm not gonna just give it up an inch. I'm just it is what it is. I just gonna fight this because I do enough. I was like, come on, we came from a music festival, and you're talking about a picnic? So that's a little bit of what I gotta share.

SPEAKER_02 12:08

And to me, what I wanted was for you to say, oh yes, babe, we should do a picnic. Which is funny, guys. I'm not the most romantic person in the world. No, you're I'm really not.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

I mean, you are you're just not that kind of yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:24

I'd rather him take me to a rave than to do a picnic for me, to be honest, guys. But it was cute, it was romantic, and I really did it to just mess with him because every time we go now, there is some picnic setup, and I think there was like three yesterday.

SPEAKER_00 12:45

Actually, it was yeah, and they go all the way, all away. Yeah, people really go out there just to do picnics, they love the picnic.

SPEAKER_02 12:54

But wow, that those I mean it wasn't even like a minute, it was like seconds of a conversation completely blew up.

SPEAKER_00 13:04

They just turn off into a whole big deal and we didn't speak to each other until this morning. Yeah, I mean we still shake it this morning. I think we still shake it. We still kind of like figuring things out as we go.

SPEAKER_02 13:15

Well, because sometimes when we get into big arguments, it takes us a couple days to shake it off. Yeah, but I did, I'm gonna I'm gonna admit something, guys, and he he's gonna hear it for the first time. When I woke up this morning, I woke up before him and I looked over and he was sleeping. And even though at that moment I wanted to really still be upset with him, I started replaying last night in my head, and I was going, Oh my god, did we really fight about that?

SPEAKER_00 13:46

Boy, we are in the mood of confession. I was up since seven in the morning.

SPEAKER_02 13:52

Oh, you acted like you were sleeping.

SPEAKER_00 13:56

Yep. I didn't feel like dealing with you this morning, and I didn't feel like dealing with this conversation in the morning. And so you were like, hey, are you awake? Can we cuddle? And I was like, Yep. And we cuddled, and then after that, I was like, whatever. Just this is stupid, this is dumb.

SPEAKER_02 14:11

But we haven't talked about it all day.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

We are actually having this conversation about this matter live here with you guys because we did not bring it up all day, just in case it's gonna blow up, it blew up again, and I know we were both avoiding it, and I'm trying to say that this episode is the buffer of the conversation.

SPEAKER_02 14:32

This is a buffer of the conversation.

SPEAKER_00 14:34

We're gonna behave over here, so you know we can have this conversation right now. So this is uh kind of like a therapy happening right now.

SPEAKER_02 14:41

Well, isn't this how we usually work the stuff out? Yeah, we dialogue through it, yeah, we do. And so you guys are getting a taste of us dialoguing through an argument. We usually are in the truck going through the country, listening to music, listening to music and talking, and we are just doing this live with you guys.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

Rich engine. Yeah, well, if that's the case. Well, I'm sorry. I was dumb.

SPEAKER_02 15:09

And I'm sorry too.

SPEAKER_00 15:10

I would do a picnic for you. I cannot do it next week and before you. Oh, I can take a speaker. I can I can do it really nice. I have some ideas.

SPEAKER_02 15:24

Okay, I'll let you use your ideas. So I think the biggest takeaway of all this is when you are talking to your spouse and there's a misunderstanding. Instead of us blowing up, if we would have just stopped, looked at each other, and said, listen to each other, and said, okay, right now this pissed me off because I'm hearing this. But is this what you're saying? Do you agree?

SPEAKER_00 16:04

Yes. I had to agree, but that's gonna be the easy route. Not always gonna be like that.

SPEAKER_02 16:09

Not always, I think sometimes misunderstandings are really hard.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

Yes, I think the best thing for me in that moment, I can speak for myself, it was just to stay quiet. Just let that anger calm down a little bit, and then uh maybe later on be like, yeah, let's do a picnic, or you don't even like picnics. You just what do you really want? You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 16:36

And maybe that's what it is. Maybe I really didn't know what I even wanted. Or maybe there was something inside of me that I just wanted from you, and the picnic was the excuse.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

Yeah. The top of the arm was a little bit too much, I think.

SPEAKER_02 16:51

Was it? I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 16:55

You were too pissed to understand the top of the arm.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

But I think if you give yourself a space and you give yourself space to just give a time to if you see that anger coming up, and okay, it was not anger, it was more disappointment than anger. I cannot say that it was angry. Okay, I was angry about it because I was really not angry that you just say, hey, well, we don't do a picnic. I think it was more disappointing because to me it's a big deal, and I take it to heart. The part that I don't like to disappoint you in anything, you know.

SPEAKER_02 17:28

Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_00 17:28

You are my best friend, you're my wife. I always wanted the best for you. I want to provide the best that I could. I don't want nobody else out there in the world to do anything for you. I want everybody to fall short of what they want to do. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that making sense.

SPEAKER_02 17:45

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So me saying, Oh, how come you never do a picnic for me was like you let me down in some way. Yes. Because one less thing you're doing that I really want.

SPEAKER_00 17:54

Exactly. And it was not that, okay. So here's the thing, right? Because we go to the park frequently to walk, and every time that we would go over there, it's always somebody at a picnic, and you mentioned that. That triggered me that time, you know, because in my mind it was like, instead of going walking, why might why I didn't thought about going sit down to the park, maybe you know, get some champagne or mimosas or whatever time of the hour. I don't like champagne. I know, but I'm I'm just saying, right? I'm just an example. Why I don't go and just why I didn't did that versus going for a walk. And then I feel like I was doing something that it was boring for you, and I was letting you down. And you know what I'm saying? That's stupid, but that's the way that I feel in that moment because I don't want to let you down. And that's an expectation that I have on myself that you didn't require for me. I just put it on myself, and I had to deal with it.

SPEAKER_02 18:51

And I think I mean we weren't even fighting each other, we were fighting the expectations, the assumptions, the misinterpretations. Of course. It wasn't even us because we had a beautiful day yesterday.

SPEAKER_00 19:04

Yeah. I mean, think about it. We went to the park to walk, and we went over there smiling and talking and having a good time. We're joking, we just listened to music. That moment is just what it triggered. We were not mad about each other. I was not mad at you, and you were not mad at me. It was just what transpired in the moment.

SPEAKER_02 19:22

And, you know, when I think, because this is not the first misunderstanding we've had. It's happened multiple times. Multiple times. I mean, a lot through order marriage. And I think the biggest thing is that we have to discover what triggers it, right? Like expecting mind reading. I know that I've gotten upset in the past because food choosing where we're gonna go eat is a big thing between you and me.

SPEAKER_00 19:50

Yeah, that's another thing.

SPEAKER_02 19:51

And sometimes I have a thought in my head, but I want you to read my mind and choose a place that I want instead of just telling you, and then I get frustrated.

SPEAKER_00 20:01

Well, also the part is so if we explain that a little bit, I don't have the condition that you have when it comes to food. I can eat anything and anything and everything, pretty much, and nothing made me upset in my stomach, like you do. Yeah, you know what I mean. So every time that we choose something to eat, and I tell you, well, you choose, I don't care. Whatever you choose, I'm fine with it. I'm not saying in the fact that I'm just like, oh, I don't care, whatever. I'm just letting you choose so you can choose. You know, I'm making the mind resituation a lot shorter by letting you choose. And in your mind, you're like, Well, I'm always choosing because you made that comment before. I'm always choosing what we're gonna eat. And my answer to you is because I don't have the problems that you have. It's easy for you to tell me, hey, I want to eat this, and I'll say, Okay, let's go. It's really rare in my lifetime that I crave something to eat. And you know that it's really rare that I crave something. You have more cravings than me. So I to me it's a lot easier for for you to choose the food than that.

SPEAKER_02 21:03

I think we need to do an episode on that of couples going out to eat, and what that looks like.

SPEAKER_00 21:08

That's gonna be like an episode with 20 million chapters.

SPEAKER_02 21:13

So mind reading, expecting mind reading to me is a huge cause for misunderstanding. Then there's that reacting before listening, yeah, which in your head, right? As soon as you saw that picnic, you were already reacting to seeing these picnics because you knew I was gonna say something.

SPEAKER_00 21:32

Oh, of course not.

SPEAKER_02 21:34

And so be f by the time I even finished my comment, you had already reacted.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

Oh yeah. I was already setting my in my in my head already.

SPEAKER_02 21:45

Yeah. So I know that I I have reacted many times instead of listening to what you're actually saying, I'm reacting to something that triggers me.

SPEAKER_00 21:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:57

Bringing past frustrations. Into new conversations. Yeah, we've done that.

SPEAKER_00 22:04

I think everybody does that.

SPEAKER_02 22:06

I know, I know, but that causes misunderstandings because we're having a problem now. Can you imagine if we start talking about what happened yesterday, what happened 10 years ago, and we bring it up and include it in yesterday, it's just causes more frustration.

SPEAKER_00 22:19

Well, the problem is there are emotions and you have to really have a sense of what's a what are the words that I'm looking for? Not practicing, but you have to be you have to be really mature to understand that you don't bring emotions from the past. Because those are emotions that just surface to the to the surface really fast.

SPEAKER_02 22:40

And they're memories.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

Yeah, they're memories that trigger you. You cannot just stop those emotions for surfacing. So you have to really practice and be really mindful of the things that's going on.

SPEAKER_02 22:51

Yeah. To be able to And here's a big misunderstanding that I know I have in this relationship is that I hear your tones instead of your intentions.

SPEAKER_00 23:02

Oh. Well, I'm not the easy guy. I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_02 23:07

But sometimes I'm more worried about the way your tone is or facial expression than what you're really trying to tell me because I'm reactive to that.

SPEAKER_00 23:17

Yeah. Well, the thing is, I don't know how to hide things. I'm not a good liar. And my face says a lot of things. And I give those looks in the beginning. And the funny thing is when I give the looks, my brain is processing at the same time, and it's just like, oh crap. I just give a look.

SPEAKER_02 23:34

And then I have a comment. Yeah, it's a good one. And by that point, I have a comment and I react to it. And I mean, again, misunderstandings. So there are things that we could start doing that you and me really need to put into practice.

SPEAKER_00 23:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 23:49

So one of them is asking instead of assuming.

SPEAKER_00 23:52

I like that.

SPEAKER_02 23:54

Yeah. I think that one's great too. Slowing conversations down because you and me are hot-headed Cubans. And when we're upset, we're not hearing each other, we're just talking.

SPEAKER_00 24:09

Yes. I had to agree.

SPEAKER_02 24:12

Choosing the right timing, which that we have learned out throughout the years. Yeah. That instead of arguing it at the moment, we kind of walk away and then we come back and talk about it like we're doing right now.

SPEAKER_00 24:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:23

And then repeating.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

So that means that we need to go back over here every single day and talk about this.

SPEAKER_02 24:28

Every time we have an argument, you guys are gonna get an episode. Plug it in.

SPEAKER_00 24:32

Let's do this.

SPEAKER_02 24:33

And then repeating what you heard.

SPEAKER_00 24:36

I think that's a good one. I like that one because once you repeat again what you heard, it gives you a chance to understand take away any misunderstandings. Exactly. I think the main thing is pause. Do you know the study that the the class that we were talking about, you know, a couple of like a year ago? One of the things that in a conversation, one of the things the best you can do is pause. Because when you pause, you give chance to your brain to kind of catch up to the conversation.

SPEAKER_02 25:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:06

And before and it gives you a chance to know what you're gonna say.

SPEAKER_02 25:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:12

So I think pause is a big deal, a big thing that you can do. And coming back and just repeating repeat it again and kind of like you know, ask questions as well, as well. Because it's not about winning the argument. I didn't want the argument yesterday. I went to bed mad. I can be doing other things with my wife than just being mad about it.

SPEAKER_02 25:32

I know, I know. We wasted so much time last night.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

Yeah, and that was the weekend, it was a day off and all that. It was a good Friday. So if we had done those exercises, which I think we're gonna start doing, and we would not waste time and we would not argue the way we argue. If we argue, it was not gonna be that big deal.

SPEAKER_02 25:50

We would not just I have this quote for Don Miguel Ruiz, he's a marriage counselor, and he says, Don't make assumptions, find the courage to ask questions. And I think that is such an important thing. Like we could have just asked each other, I could have just said, hey babe, why did I trigger you?

SPEAKER_01 26:09

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 26:10

What did I do to trigger you? And we could have just had the conversation right there and then. The another thing is learning each other's stress signals instead of assuming every time I see you with a facial expression or something, just learn that sometimes it's just stress that you're under.

SPEAKER_00 26:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:27

And then, like you said, giving space when emotions are high.

SPEAKER_00 26:32

That's a good one.

SPEAKER_02 26:33

Yeah, that's my walk told me yesterday.

SPEAKER_00 26:35

I hope that was a lot of space.

SPEAKER_02 26:37

Hey, I got a lot of steps in last night.

SPEAKER_00 26:40

I wonder if it triggered you when you saw me pass your bike.

SPEAKER_02 26:45

I did. Because I kept thinking in my head, oh, I hope he stops. I hope he stops, and I'll just jump in the car and act mad, but I hope he stops. I'm just being really real right now. And then I'm literally almost at the corner of the house at the light, and you you just pass me by with windows open. I didn't saw you, and I'm thinking, oh, there he goes. He took time to get the the crepe.

SPEAKER_00 27:08

And oh, it was a crib that your daughter asked for. So I was driving home to take it and I didn't see you, so I call you. I'm like, okay, I was.

SPEAKER_02 27:15

By the time you called me, I was already down the block of our house.

SPEAKER_00 27:17

I know. You got exercise done. You got something. So you have something good out of it.

SPEAKER_02 27:25

So there are tools that we can do, and and this is even for us to understand is that it's just stopping, breathing, asking, not assuming, yeah, or or just space at that moment instead of going into a rabbit hole. I think yesterday, even though it's funny now and we walked away from each other and I walked home or whatever, I think that was better. Because I think if we would have kept walking in that park arguing, we would have gone into a rabbit hole.

SPEAKER_01 27:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:00

And it would have gone even deeper. Then we probably would have brought up the stuff of 10 years ago in the conversation. Because I think that's one of the biggest things is when you're in the middle of an argument and now you're going into this rabbit hole. That's where all these other things come in, like bringing past and whatnot.

SPEAKER_00 28:18

Next time, just walk the opposite way. Just don't walk home by yourself, please.

SPEAKER_02 28:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 28:23

That's why we have a car. You guys don't need to walk home. Just walk the opposite way. Don't look at my face or whatever. Just don't walk home. Please. Don't do that. That was not smart.

SPEAKER_02 28:35

So if if you're listening to this and you're a couple that has misunderstandings, just know you're not alone.

SPEAKER_00 28:42

No.

SPEAKER_02 28:43

This can happen to the best of us.

SPEAKER_00 28:47

We just two crazy people that put it out there.

SPEAKER_02 28:49

We are just putting it all out there. We told you guys we were gonna be raw, we're gonna be real. And I and I swear to god, I feel like that argument yesterday was made just for this. So you guys can hear what happens in our lives sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 29:05

Yeah. And it doesn't happen all the time. That's another thing, you know. Ungrateful they happen less and less and less in the time that we in the years that we've been married. Because it used to happen.

SPEAKER_02 29:19

Oh, so frequently. Yeah. It was like all the time. And then it would just build on each other. It would just become a everyday frustration. Yeah. And it never got resolved.

SPEAKER_00 29:31

No.

SPEAKER_02 29:31

But if you feel misunderstood in your marriage right now, it doesn't mean your relationship is broken. Sometimes it means you're still learning each other.

SPEAKER_00 29:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:41

And that is really the, you know, the main thing. It's you and me are still learning each other every day. And we're we're gonna, that's not our last misunderstanding.

SPEAKER_00 29:56

No, it was not. It's not gonna be. It's not gonna be the last one. And that's okay. You know, I think misunderstanding it helps also as well in your marriage to it give room for growing.

SPEAKER_02 30:11

And an awareness.

SPEAKER_00 30:12

And awareness of what's going on and what is happening in your marriage or what is what things are happening, or expectations and things like that. You know, and like we said in the last episode, right? One of the quotes that we look for that we like from Tony Robin is you gotta change your expectation for appreciation.

SPEAKER_02 30:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:30

If I would take the time to stop, you know, not let that emotion take over me and appreciate what you were saying, and instead of stay quiet, not set a comment and be like, hmm, and plan a picnic. Even if you don't like picnic, but let's plan it. Maybe when I plan it, you'll be like, nah, I don't need to.

SPEAKER_02 30:48

Which has happened in the past. I wanted something so badly, and then we do it. I'm like, hmm. No, that didn't really, I don't really like that.

SPEAKER_00 30:56

But like I said, the good thing about this is what I like, even though it was not okay, and it was just a misunderstanding. One of the things that I like is it give me room for improvement. And even it gives me room to grow.

SPEAKER_02 31:13

Agreed.

SPEAKER_00 31:14

And to become a better person and to become a better husband. And I like that, you know, because I cannot just hold on to what happened in the past and be like, oh my god, uh, why did this happen? No, it happened, it's already happening, it's in the past. Now, how I can apply this for the future and be better when the situation arrives again.

SPEAKER_02 31:35

I remember one time you said to me, Why am I so reactive?

SPEAKER_00 31:38

And I think actually it was not too long ago.

SPEAKER_02 31:41

It wasn't too long ago, and so here's a perfect example that reactions still happen, not just for you, for both of us. Like we're still pretty reactive.

SPEAKER_00 31:49

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 31:49

And so now we know that that's a room for improvement in our marriage for both of us. Yep. But sitting together isn't never misunderstanding each other. It's about choosing to keep understanding each other better.

SPEAKER_00 32:05

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 32:05

Do you agree?

SPEAKER_00 32:06

I have to agree with that. It's just I mean like I said, it's room for improvement. You know, is always, always, always room for improvement. And I think that's the best part of marriage.

SPEAKER_02 32:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:23

I don't think marriage uh marriage is not boring. It's a journey, it's a journey.

SPEAKER_02 32:28

It's like we told our son marriage is a journey. You just gotta be willing to want to be in it.

SPEAKER_00 32:36

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 32:36

You gotta choose the journey and be okay with it.

SPEAKER_00 32:41

And that's that's a key point right there.

SPEAKER_02 32:46

So before we finish today's episode, we want to leave you with something simple you can try with your partner this week.

SPEAKER_00 32:53

Because listening to the podcast together is powerful, but choosing each other in real life is what actually changed a relationship.

SPEAKER_02 33:01

So here's this week Still Choosing Us conversation challenge. Set aside 15 to 20 minutes together sometime this week and ask each other this question. When did you feel misunderstood by me recently?

SPEAKER_00 33:16

And while your partner is answering, don't interrupt. Please don't do it. Don't explain, just listen and understand.

SPEAKER_02 33:25

Then respond with this sentence. What I hear you saying is, so repeat it back. What I hear you saying is. You know, sometimes clarity started with one honest conversation, and then sometimes choosing each other looks like trying again to understand each other better.

SPEAKER_00 33:42

We still are choosing each other, and we hope you will too.

SPEAKER_02 33:47

So thank you for listening to our craziness, for being part of us, and we appreciate all you guys that are out there supporting us. Yes. And I hope you enjoy this.

SPEAKER_00 33:57

Right, enjoy it for sure.

SPEAKER_02 33:59

Bye.

SPEAKER_00 34:00

Bye.

SPEAKER_02 34:01

Before we end, take a breath.

SPEAKER_00 34:04

You don't have to fix anything tonight.

SPEAKER_02 34:06

If something in this episode stirred emotions, that doesn't mean something is wrong with you or your marriage.

SPEAKER_00 34:12

It means something matters.

SPEAKER_02 34:13

You're allowed to take what helped and leave the rest.

SPEAKER_00 34:16

You are allowed to go slow.

SPEAKER_02 34:18

If staying feels heavy right now, you're not alone in that.

SPEAKER_00 34:22

And if listening brought a little bit of clarity or relief, we are honored to see here with you.

SPEAKER_02 34:28

Thank you for trusting us with your story, even the parts you didn't say out loud.

SPEAKER_00 34:33

We are still here.

SPEAKER_02 34:34

And we're glad you are too much.