The Marriage Nobody Warns You About

When the Honeymoon Is Over explores what really happens after the excitement of a new relationship fades. Omar and Yami share their own 18-year marriage journey, explaining why the end of the honeymoon phase isn't the end of love—it's the beginning of building something deeper. They discuss common mistakes couples make, how to navigate changing expectations, and practical ways to keep pursuing each other through trust, friendship, communication, and shared purpose. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Before we start, if your marriage feels hard right now, you're not failing.

SPEAKER_01 0:04

And if you were like, I don't know if I can keep doing this, you're not weak.

SPEAKER_02 0:08

You're certainly not alone.

SPEAKER_01 0:09

This pocket is not about perfect marriage. We don't have one.

SPEAKER_02 0:12

We've been married 18 years. There's a 13-year age gap between us. We blended a family young and we raised kids while still growing up ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

We walked through property, trauma, and fight we didn't know how to fix. There were times we were not sure we can make it.

SPEAKER_02 0:27

But we kept choosing it again.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

Again after disappointment, again after hard seasons.

SPEAKER_02 0:32

This podcast is for couples in the middle, where marriage is messy and real.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

We are not here to give you a perfect answer.

SPEAKER_02 0:39

We're just still here and we're glad you're too. Hi, I'm Yami.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

And I'm Momor.

SPEAKER_02 1:03

And this week's episode is talking about when the honeymoon is over.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

I think that's exciting.

SPEAKER_02 1:09

Yes. I mean, I know that we've talked about our honeymoon phase before and how that's over. And sometimes we see couples and we're like, oh, they're in their honeymoon phase. That's so cute. But most couples enter marriage expecting love to feel the way it did in the beginning. Then real life happens.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

I know. Then bills happen, kids happen, responsibility happens, stress, disappointment, differing expectations, all those things happen.

SPEAKER_02 1:34

Yeah. But the honeymoon phase isn't meant to last forever.

SPEAKER_01 1:38

No, definitely not.

SPEAKER_02 1:39

It's the danger is not at that end. The danger is believing that something is wrong when it does.

SPEAKER_01 1:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:48

And I know you can speak to that.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

Oh, absolutely. Well, because in this you were my first marriage. Yeah. And my only marriage. My first marriage. Yeah, I was gonna say first, no read. First and last. So it's easy, right? To think that that is gonna last forever. Because you really don't. It's a big mistake. And it can create issues in your life and it could create problems if you think the honeymoon phase is never gonna last. It's never gonna end.

SPEAKER_02 2:20

So let's talk about that a little bit. So I remember in the beginning, we would be on the phone until 5:30 in the morning and then I would sleep for like an hour and go to work.

SPEAKER_00 2:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:28

I remember we made every chance possible to see each other. We went on dates. I mean, it was just it was exciting.

SPEAKER_01 2:37

It doesn't matter. Like you put a pause to everything else because the only thing that matters is just spending time with a person.

SPEAKER_02 2:42

Being with each other. Yeah. Yeah. Nothing else mattered at that moment. I mean, granted, of course, I had kids, but you know, I had split custody with the father. So when I didn't have them, my mood was like all my attention was on you.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:54

And things fell on the wayside. And you know, you you got an expectation that that's how marriage was gonna be. So I'll let you talk about that a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

Well, because let's the best way I can describe it is everything was easy.

SPEAKER_03 3:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

Okay. It was no arguments, it was no disagreements. Everything that we do, it was just fun.

SPEAKER_03 3:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

We go out to eat, we see each other, we used to go to the beach, we used to hang out, we used to take the kids to the movies, everything it was fun, and everything it was amazing.

SPEAKER_03 3:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:27

Into that change. And when it changed, is when we move in together. Yeah. And reality settles.

SPEAKER_02 3:36

Yeah. I mean, because now, you know, you had two kids in your life. Now you knew they were in my life, but now you were living with them. Now you were in the day-to-day routine, the school routine, the going to bed early, lunches, the stress. The stress. I mean, homework.

SPEAKER_01 3:54

It was just like homework, make sure they take a shower, make sure they do this, make sure they did that.

SPEAKER_02 4:00

Because he used to come over when either they weren't home or I or sometimes when they were already in bed.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 4:06

And so now you were in the data date. Like you were there. And I, my attention wasn't all on you.

SPEAKER_01 4:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:13

Because I had to be mom as well. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

So that's that's reality. Yeah. Okay. That's reality versus honeymoon part.

SPEAKER_02 4:23

Yes, yes. But when that ended, when that honeymoon phase ended, a lot of people feel like they've lost something. But I really think that that's the real beginning of a journey of a marriage.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:40

Because that's really an invitation to build something stronger.

SPEAKER_00 4:43

Oh, of course.

SPEAKER_02 4:44

If you can make it past that, that disappointment. Because that's I think that's really the dangerous spot, is people cannot get past that disappointment. Yeah. But many people think that the honeymoon phase is the deepest form of love. And it's really not. It's because there's a brain chemistry in you that is triggered. Yeah. Okay. Your dopamine goes up, your oxytoken goes up, serotonin. I mean, those are your reward, your bonding. You know, there's excitement. And this creates obsession, excitement, idealization, and strong attraction.

SPEAKER_01 5:27

Yeah. I mean, yes. Does not mean that all those things are gone once this honeymoon passes.

SPEAKER_03 5:36

No.

SPEAKER_01 5:36

But they are elevated quite a bit in that stage of your life.

SPEAKER_02 5:41

Yeah, absolutely. Like with everything, right? You do something for the first time, and there's an excitement, there's a dopamine, there's a rush, there's that serotonin. But if you keep doing the same thing over and over and over, then it settles. I mean, that's just the way our brain works. It always settles. The brain literally focuses on positives while main minimizing negatives.

SPEAKER_01 6:02

Well, it's easy to focus in the positive. Everybody wants positive. I definitely want everything to be positive in my life. I don't want nothing to be negative. Nobody wants negativity in their life. It's not fun. It drains you.

SPEAKER_02 6:15

Yeah. And I know that you remember a lot of things about the beginner relationship because you used to talk about it a lot.

SPEAKER_01 6:21

Yeah, in the I mean, I'm gonna let you talk about that. So in the beginning, it was like I said, it was really easy. It was you were easy going. I was easy going. Everything was fun. I mean, it was no issues. We we didn't argue. I mean, if we try and have an argument, it was just like bare minimal argument. But it seemed really effortless in the beginning. It was just putting the work. Yeah, and the time together. And the time together. It was really effortless. That that that came naturally. That was just like sweet say sailing through it. Yeah. So that was easy. So that's what happened to me.

SPEAKER_02 6:58

I think what happened to me was in that honeymoon phase, and I know this happened to you as well, is that you overlook things that could be a red flag, could be maybe a little disturbing.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:13

I know for you, and I'm you can speak on that if you want, but I know for you it was, you know, the way I I would shut down when I was upset.

SPEAKER_00 7:20

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:21

In that honeymoon phase, that probably wasn't a big deal. You probably overlooked that because you were so excited just to be with me.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

Well, you it was just normal. You were kind of mad, and I was like, okay, just let it be. Yeah. And mine, it was just like, I was too forceful. I was just like, okay, let's resolve this situation right now. And this had to be right now.

SPEAKER_03 7:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

So we never talk about those things. We just, it was cute.

SPEAKER_02 7:44

Yeah. And you do, you minimize those situations, those red flags, we want to call it, because you are so there's so much excitement. I mean, there's this, you think it's just like pure love, and you know, you nothing's gonna, it's gonna be perfect regardless of what we're seeing, or you know, but people tend to romanticize the hum the honeymoon phase a lot. But when the real realization of the truth of that settles in, that's where it can become difficult for people.

SPEAKER_01 8:21

Yeah, and I can speak that on I can speak on that because you know I was expecting those feelings to last forever. Yeah, nobody told me that those feelings fade away once we have once you start in the day-by-day uh life. So in my mind, it was like, oh, this is gonna last forever. This is gonna be awesome. And and in reality, it's it's like you say, you know, when everything calmed down and you settle, none of those things are forever.

SPEAKER_02 8:57

No, they're not. I mean, and and you know, honestly, I think that's where the real beautiful part of our marriage started. Yeah, was after that.

SPEAKER_01 9:07

Well, I'm grateful that those feelings never stay forever in there. Because my feelings for you are now stronger than the feelings that I have 18 years ago. Yeah. So I'm glad that they don't last forever. Yeah. So let's clear that up.

SPEAKER_02 9:20

So Dr. Helen Fisher from the Kinsey Institute, you know, she does research on romantic love and attraction, says romantic love is one of the most powerful brain systems humans have re evolved. And what she talks about is that romantic love is a brain system. But what happens when that chemistry settles? And that's where that honeymoon phase changes.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

Yeah, you know, and it just changes. I agree with that.

SPEAKER_02 9:47

It changes, it changes, and we, you know, of course, we we all cling on to that. We all remember those days. We'll see couples now that are in their honeymoon phase, and we're like, oh, they're so cute. They're, you know. And we do that, right? We see it and we know exactly the excitement they're experiencing. We know how how beautiful it is at that moment and how everything is wonderful.

SPEAKER_00 10:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

But it wasn't designed to last forever. If it did, we wouldn't get anything done.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

Oh, definitely not. I mean, I've think about it, right? When you and me we start dating and in the beginning of a relationship, we had not we we were not getting anything done. We were just dying to get out of work. Well, at least I was dying to get out of work just to go and run and just spend time with you.

SPEAKER_02 10:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 10:31

I remember you do doing things that I would probably not do now, just call off just because I want to spend the day with you.

SPEAKER_02 10:38

Yeah. I mean, that exactly. Or I remember me not doing something I needed to do because that was my moment to be with you. Yeah. Or some responsibility I had.

SPEAKER_01 10:48

Yeah. The thing is that you know, unfortunately, your brain naturally moved from excitement to attachment. Yes. And you can attach to those things. And once you attach those things, you're stuck with that for a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 11:00

Yeah. So we all go through three phrases. It's that lust, attraction, and attachment. But the long-term relationships require attachment. Attachment brings stability, trust, security, and reliability.

SPEAKER_01 11:16

I mean so even though long-term relationships require require those attachments, but I still have loss for you.

SPEAKER_02 11:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

I still have attraction for you.

SPEAKER_02 11:30

I know, but it's it's it's a more mature thing.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

It's a more mature thing. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:35

It's not just because there's an excitement and that's you know, that's where we're at. It's not a rush.

SPEAKER_01 11:39

Yes. It's not like the best way I can describe it is just like it's not like I don't know what drugs is out there, like maybe NDMA or Coke, they give you that rush in the beginning, and you just and dopamine go down and you want to get it again. Now it's a more mature thing. Yeah. Not a short term. Yeah. It's a long term.

SPEAKER_02 12:00

But people tend to panic when that excitement fades. And they think, is something wrong? You know, like where did we fall apart? Do they not love me anymore? And it's they start to wonder what replaced that excitement. And I know for you, one of them was oh, she's a mom. Oh, she has a career. She has a home she takes care of. I was going to school at the same time. Yeah. And I know that those were were those were things in my life that replaced that excitement for you.

SPEAKER_01 12:39

Yes. Yes. Okay. So let me elaborate a little bit on that.

SPEAKER_02 12:43

Yeah, go for it.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

So even though I knew that you were a mom and you had a career and you were going to school your priority, it was me. Okay. Once we move in together and we were together and we decided to make a life together, then you start prior prioritizing some other things in your life because it needed to be done. That's the responsibilities that you have that you need to be, you know, you need to be responsible for them. Yeah. For me, it was just like you said, everything was so exciting that I didn't know how to handle that part. Right. And it was just like, and then you ask questions like, well, does she still love me? Or do he still love me? Or and it's not that, it's just the fact that you're ready for the next step in your life.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

Yeah. So Esther Perel, which is a relationship expert, says the quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships. And I agree with that so much because I think about us throughout the years, once we got off the honeymoon phase, all the hardships that we've struggled with, all the growth that we've had to do as a couple, to even just learn about each other, truly learn about each other throughout the years. And I feel like we still learn about each other every day.

SPEAKER_01 14:06

Oh yes. And I I love that quote because it is it is true to me in the sense that man, the quality of my life right now is thanks to the quality of a relationship.

SPEAKER_03 14:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:22

Think about the things that we do, the things that we enjoy, the things that we uh experience together is only because the relationship that we have with each other.

SPEAKER_03 14:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:35

So this my friends that know me and they see, well, you know, they talk to me and they were like, My God, this is so awesome. You always want it's just because I have somebody to do that with.

SPEAKER_03 14:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:49

I have somebody that wants to do those things with me. Yeah. So the relationship determines the quality of my life.

SPEAKER_02 14:56

Yeah. Yeah, I agree. I think about you know, the stuff that we do together, the the talks that we have, the quality that we have right now makes us want to push even further to do more.

SPEAKER_01 15:09

Of course, because we want to always want to grow. We want to be there for each other more, we want to love each other more, we want to do more things. So your life is better.

SPEAKER_02 15:20

So there's four mistakes that couples make after that honeymoon phase. And I know that this is one that you can probably speak to. So, mistake number one is thinking that love is gone.

SPEAKER_01 15:34

Oh, that's easy. I think that's the first thing that I thought about when we were changing and doing the things. I mean, the feeling changed.

SPEAKER_03 15:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:43

Right? So when the feeling changes, that's not mean the love necessarily disappeared. Actually, no. I need to reflect that love never disappears. Because our love never disappears. It was the feeling, the change. Yeah, that excitement. Yeah. Because it's growing, it's maturing, it's not the same. We had a what I call it, a baby love in the beginning. Everything was so good and giggling and all that. Now we had a mature love. The feeling that I have for you right now is not the same feeling that I have when you and me we met in the beginning. And I'm grateful for that because we talked about it a couple of minutes ago. If we had not if I if we had not improved the quality of our relationship, you know what I mean? Yeah. Our life quality would have not changed.

SPEAKER_03 16:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:38

So that is a perfect example of this.

SPEAKER_02 16:42

Yeah. And you know, you become familiar with each other, right? You're more comfortable with each other. And sometimes it gets it can be confused as a loss of love.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:53

And it's not. Like familiarity is not a bad thing. It's not a loss of love. Now, comfort can sometimes be a problem, but that's our next episode. We're gonna talk about comfort.

SPEAKER_01 17:08

Yeah, that's that's comfort is it is dangerous.

SPEAKER_02 17:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

It's really dangerous. It can feel good because it feels good for me, but that's not mean that it was developing me. Yeah, but that'll be next episode.

SPEAKER_02 17:22

That'll be the next episode. Mistake number two is stopping pursuit. You know, couples stopped dating each other. I know we did that for a long time. We wouldn't date each other. We, you know, I mean, granted, we were parents, so a lot of our time was around the kids, especially when we moved here to Texas, that we didn't have family around. So we no longer had sitters. And I mean, we were always with our kids.

SPEAKER_01 17:46

Well, because you had to care for another human being. Yes. You know, that that the little person required your full attention and required your require a lot of things that your spouse don't require.

SPEAKER_03 17:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:00

And you get lost in the midst of those things because it's your responsibility. Now you're responsible for that.

SPEAKER_02 18:04

Yeah. And so, you know, of course, in the beginning, we're pursuing each other, we're, you know, after each other, calling, texting. But then it kind of just stops afterward. And that's a mistake. Like, you should not stop pursuit in a marriage. Now, what we do is we just find ways to have little dates, like even if it's to go for a drive.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

Yeah, we go for drives. We I mean, because of the journey that we are right now in our health and in in the way that we are with a the way we trying to take care of our body, we don't go out so much to eat out.

SPEAKER_03 18:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:39

But I cook all the time. I mean, I learned how to grill a lobster the other day. Yeah, we chose for the time. Never done that before. But that's the misconception of things, right? You think because your life is evolving, that dating and the pursuit had to stop.

SPEAKER_02 18:56

Yeah. Or because you're busy or fine time. Find time. It's fine time, guys. But there's always a way.

SPEAKER_01 19:02

Yeah, I know people are tired, okay? But if you like from for me, when we will home together, and like for example, when our daughter goes to have a sleepover, that's the time for you and me to do fun things. Yeah. But we normally don't have the chance to do when she's home.

SPEAKER_02 19:19

And when she was younger, that she had her bedtime and go to bed early, we would do sangria nights, remember? Yeah, remember that?

unknown 19:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:24

Yeah. We would do like a charcuterie board and sangria, and that would be our little date night here in the living room.

SPEAKER_01 19:30

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 19:31

So, I mean, it's just really finding the time to continue to pursue each other. Mistake number three is unrealistic expectations. And this is when you're trying to prove that something's wrong. You know, this is when you think, oh, it was this way and now it's not. And then all of a sudden, you're you're so surprised because it was gonna be fun always, right? And I think you can talk about that one because you did have a real you had an unrealistic expectation to what our marriage was gonna look like.

SPEAKER_01 20:05

Yes, I did. But here's the thing. You always think me, I'm gonna speak for myself. I used to think about the things about the past, how good things were in the past, because we always go back to the past in my lowest points in our marriage when things were not going according to what it was supposed to go in my brain or in my mind, or it didn't feel the same. Yeah, that is a lower point in your time. So notice this, right? So, in your lower point in my life, I used to think about what it used to be. Yeah, you always reflect that on what was exactly. So I wanted to compare that to now, but I still have to remember that that was a lower point in our marriage. Because when I was not there, I didn't used to think about the past. So that meant that everything was good. Yeah, everything was awesome. I want to reflect on that for a second, okay? That's that's important to think about that because why are you thinking about the past when you're in your lowest point? So that means when you are in the top of your game in your marriage with your spouse, like you and me, that means that everything is good. Yeah, so it's no reason for that. Yeah, so that means that you're evolving and you're getting better.

SPEAKER_02 21:17

Yeah. And I agree to that. Um, you know, it's just really reflecting on those lowest moments, right? Just really reflecting what's happening in your marriage. It's okay. And how can you evolve to make it better? So, mistake number four is avoiding conflict.

SPEAKER_00 21:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:34

And the problem is not avoiding conflict. Healthy marriages fight, right? And you and me, we have a very healthy marriage. I mean, we have created episodes of the fight. We have created episodes of our arguments. And but healthy marriages learn to repair quicker. Yeah. And they learn to repair.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:53

We don't hold any grudge against each other. We don't come two months later and throw in each other's. Face what happened two days ago, or two months ago, or a year ago. We've just learned to repair.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:08

It's not avoiding conflict, guys. Sometimes things need to be said. Yeah. To be able to get that frustration out, to be able to be heard at the moment if you feel you're not.

SPEAKER_01 22:20

I mean, I'm not perfect, and I'm sorry to break your bubble on that. I mean, I am not a perfect person. So we're gonna fight and we're gonna have disagreements.

SPEAKER_03 22:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:29

But we're not afraid of those things. We're not afraid of the fight, and we're not afraid of what we're fighting about. Yeah. Because we know that we can repair. And we have seen it in our life. It's just easy. It comes and go.

SPEAKER_03 22:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:44

It's really rare that something that we fight about lingered more than a day or two days.

SPEAKER_02 22:50

Not even anymore. It doesn't even linger a day or two. I think it's like the most a couple of hours, and then we get over it.

SPEAKER_01 22:56

And if we had to touch about and we need to retouch some points in that argument, we just go for a drive and we talk it through and that's it. Yeah. Done. Yeah. No big deal.

SPEAKER_02 23:06

But definitely we're always repairing quickly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

So that lets you know how healthy the marriage is as well, right? Yes. Because if you can repair faster and you you're not afraid of those other facts, of the conflicts, that let you know that you have a pretty good healthy marriage.

SPEAKER_02 23:23

Yeah. So Dr. John Gottman, he's a marriage researcher. He says it's not how often you fight, it's how you report, repair.

SPEAKER_00 23:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:30

And I mean, and I agree, like it is how you repair because I remember in the beginning our you know arguments were days. And now, like we said, I think the most of the last is a couple of hours and then we're over it. And only a couple of hours because we just kind of go do our own thing for a little bit, cool off, and then we come back together. Yeah. So I'm gonna go over the four mistakes again. Yeah. Mistake number one, thinking love is gone. Mistake number two is stopping pursuit. Mistake number three is unrealistic expectations. And mistake number four is avoiding conflict. And so, you know, real love, right? Let's talk about real love and what does this look like?

SPEAKER_00 24:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:12

So honeymoon phase makes you feel the excitement, the dopamine. You're, you know, you're willing to give up everything for that person, that moment, that conversation. But real love is when you start to build a life together. It's not about the moments anymore. It's about building a life together. And I know that you and me throughout the years have grown so much in this. Because now we we do dream together. We do build a life together. We have built a life together.

SPEAKER_00 24:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:47

Even this podcast is us building something because we wanted to build this together. Exactly. And that's for me, that's the deepest, most exciting part about marriage is when you get to that point that you want to build together.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

Yeah. I mean, and those things have some characteristics, right?

SPEAKER_02 25:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 25:11

One of them is trust. Yes. I trust you a hundred percent. That is no question about it. I just I trust you. And that is so good to be able to trust you like that.

SPEAKER_02 25:26

Yeah. Then there's commitment.

SPEAKER_01 25:30

Which we have.

SPEAKER_02 25:30

And we are fully committed to each other. Yeah, we have that. This is why we chose this name, still choosing us.

SPEAKER_01 25:36

Friendship.

SPEAKER_02 25:37

Friendship. I know every single aspect of my life that I just need to talk to, you're it.

SPEAKER_01 25:44

Yeah, and you're my friend. That's the way it is.

SPEAKER_02 25:48

And partnership.

SPEAKER_01 25:49

Definitely we are partners.

SPEAKER_02 25:51

We are partners. Everything we do together is a partnership. Everything we dream for the future is a partnership. I mean, that is such an important aspect in our lives, is that partnership that we have.

SPEAKER_01 26:06

Well, is the way you carry your life together. Yes. Right? So with partnership come friendship, and with friendship come commitment, and when commitment comes trust.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

That's exactly it. Yeah. That's it. So we're going to give you guys a couple of practical applications to help you as you keep growing in your marriage, as you are now moving either away from the honeymoon phase or you're not in your honeymoon phase at all, but you still tend to reflect on it, thinking that something might not be okay.

SPEAKER_00 26:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:39

So number one is never stop dating. Think about what made dating exciting. Try to recreate it, be intentional with each other.

SPEAKER_01 26:48

That's important. Can I say something about that really quick? Yeah, go for it. So I remember years ago, I came across with the with this pastor. His name is Greg Glory. And in one of his sermons, he was talking about the three R's remember, repent, and repeat. And I took those three too hard. And I think this is good, this helped me a lot in this part. Because even though I applied that today, when I feel kind of like we're in a little bit of a plateau and we are just like kind of settled and things like that. So I always think, okay, what we used to do a couple of months ago, that it was so fun, so exciting, so vibrant. And I remember that. The repent part for me is I just do things different. Trying to do things different. And then I just repeat the same thing that I used to do a couple of months ago. Now the repeating part is not going to be exactly the same thing.

SPEAKER_02 27:47

Yeah, I'm glad you're correct.

SPEAKER_01 27:49

Because now you are in a different stage of life, it's different times. You mean repeating the same thing is not gonna resolve the issue. It's just have an awareness of what it was fun. Yeah, bring it to now and establish it in a better way.

SPEAKER_03 28:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:09

So to me, those three arts are always fun. I mean, I always apply that in my life and it have worked really good. Repent, repent, repent, remember, repent, and repeat.

SPEAKER_02 28:19

Yeah, I think that's great. I think I love that too. Number two, stay curious. And this is when you're learning something about your spouse each day and how they've changed, how they've evolved. Remember, we were talking about this yesterday about you know my journey with the weight loss and my body and everything we're doing. And then I kind of reflect and I was like, wow, I have changed so much from who I was.

SPEAKER_01 28:44

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:45

We went to do something exciting without even having to spend a lot of money.

SPEAKER_01 28:50

Oh, of course. I mean, it's so many things that you can do. You can be a spontaneous. Yes. I mean, not everything had to be planned in life. Yeah. Well, it's a little harder when you have kids. Well, yes. Okay, yes. But still. When he's a wheel, he's away.

SPEAKER_02 29:08

Yes, I agree. And then communicate expectations. Have those discussions. What do you expect? How do you how would you like your marriage to be different, your relationship to be different?

SPEAKER_01 29:21

Yeah, expectations are a killer.

SPEAKER_02 29:23

And then build shared purposes, build things together. I mean, for us, I think we were so excited to start this podcast because this was something we were building together.

SPEAKER_01 29:34

And it's been fun.

SPEAKER_02 29:35

And every time we do something together, I see how much closer we get and the excitement that we have around it.

SPEAKER_01 29:43

Because it's new.

unknown 29:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 29:45

And just bring you that excitement. And that's exactly what it was in the honeymoon in the beginning. Yeah. Because we were building something that he was really excited.

SPEAKER_02 29:54

Yes. And it was new.

SPEAKER_01 29:55

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 29:56

So I'm going to go over those again. How to keep love growing after the honeymoon, never stop dating, stay curious, create new experiences, communicate expectations, and build shared purpose.

SPEAKER_01 30:11

That's a good idea.

SPEAKER_02 30:23

And I think that's all true.

SPEAKER_01 30:25

I can testify to that. Yeah. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_02 30:27

And so that's just putting a thought for you. So then we also have a challenge for each of you. And this this is something for you to do with your partner. And you just ask each other this question and then answer it. And it says, one, question one is, what do I miss most about our dating years?

SPEAKER_01 30:46

Oh, that's good.

SPEAKER_02 30:47

Question two is, what do I appreciate most about when we where we are now?

SPEAKER_01 30:52

Yeah. Question three is what is one thing I can do this week to pursue your intentionality? That's good. And then question number four is, what is one dream we should start building together? Well, that one is gonna make you think.

SPEAKER_02 31:10

Yeah. So I'm gonna go to a so I'm gonna go over the questions one more time. Question one, who what do I miss most about our dating years? Two, what do I appreciate most about where we are now? Three, what is one thing I can do this week to pursue you intentionally?

SPEAKER_01 31:29

Oh, intentionally.

SPEAKER_02 31:30

I said more, more and number four is what is one dream we should start building together? You know, successful long-term relationships are created through small words, small gestures, and small acts.

SPEAKER_01 31:47

Oh, that's good.

SPEAKER_02 31:49

And so the honeymoon phase was never the destination, it was the introduction. Real love begins when the butterflies settle, the mask comes off, and two imperfect people decide to keep choosing each other, anyways. So thank you guys.

SPEAKER_01 32:08

Into the next episode. Still choosing us. You're choosing us.

SPEAKER_02 32:12

Bye. Before we end, take a breath.

SPEAKER_01 32:17

You don't have to fix anything tonight.

SPEAKER_02 32:19

If something in this episode stirred emotions, that doesn't mean something is wrong with you or your marriage.

SPEAKER_01 32:24

It means something matters.

SPEAKER_02 32:26

You're allowed to take what helped and leave the rest.

SPEAKER_01 32:29

You are allowed to go slow.

SPEAKER_02 32:31

If staying feels heavy right now, you're not alone in that.

SPEAKER_01 32:35

And if listening brought a little bit of clarity or relief, we are honored to see here with you.

SPEAKER_02 32:41

Thank you for trusting us with your story, even the parts you didn't say out loud.

SPEAKER_01 32:46

We are still here.

SPEAKER_02 32:47

And we're glad you are too.