Don’t Tell the Kids...We’re Figuring It Out Too

Why are we here? Honestly… because motherhood can be lonely, life can be a lot, and sometimes you just need one place where you can say the quiet part out loud. In this episode, we’re sharing the real reason we wanted to start this podcast: to make space for honest conversations about friendship, parenting, marriage, divorce, work, identity, aging, and all the things women carry that rarely get talked about without judgment.

We’re not here to pretend we have the answers, and we’re definitely not here to tell anyone how to do life. We’re just two moms showing up as we are — imperfect, vulnerable, funny, overwhelmed, and doing our best. So if you’ve ever felt like everyone else has it together and you’re just trying to keep up, this one’s for you. And as always… don’t tell the kids.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Need a break from your endless to-do list? Welcome to Don't Tell the Kids. We're two busy moms sharing the real, messy, funny conversations about life and motherhood. I'm Mel, mom of three, wellness nerd, an entrepreneur, figuring it out as I go.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

And I'm Siobhan, single mom of two, usually barefoot, and always saying yes to life. No advice, just honest conversations on and off the mic. So grab your coffee, hide out in your car, and don't tell the kids. Welcome! I got my pot of coffee. I'm ready. I know. Wait, I kind of really know what we're talking about. What are we talking about?

SPEAKER_01 0:42

Okay, no.

SPEAKER_00 0:43

What about why we're doing this?

SPEAKER_01 0:45

I do.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

Okay, you talk.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

Okay, so what I wanted to talk about was uh why we're here. So you I can see your headlights.

unknown 0:55

I don't have any.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

It's my look.

unknown 0:57

It's usually my look.

SPEAKER_01 0:59

You asked me a question. I was thinking about, like, first of all, who knows if anyone gives a shit to listen, right? But like that's not really why we're doing it. No. But like I have a bunch of whys. Like, why do I want to be here? Why do I want to set up time every start telling me yours? Okay. I can just say yes or no.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

We disagree.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Negative.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

Okay, positive. I feel like inspired as we go.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

Okay. Alright, so so many things. We started talking about doing this like months ago, right? And I was like, first of all, to carve out time every week to just sit and chat with you is amazing. So that's play and fun, and it fills my cup. I agree with that. So we started talking about doing a podcast months ago. Yes. And for me, it was like, oh, that's amazing. Because I had thought the end of last year is like I need to carve out more time to spend with friends, just like to fill my cup because so much of my day is just like crossing off my to-do list.

SPEAKER_00 1:57

So here's the question: was it you or was it Chris that said you guys are weird and you should record yourselves? No, because I feel like that was also a conversation.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Okay, well you started the conversation, and then Chris, I think you started it, and then Chris was like, You guys should totally do a podcast, you guys are hilarious, and plus, like, we're willing to talk about anything, and I don't think everyone is necessarily willing to talk about every everything in front of people. And that though is a whole nother thing. Like, I think we're so lucky to have friends that we are able to verbally process our lives and like talk about the shit that's hard and talk about the stuff that's embarrassing and talk about the stuff that's hilarious, right? But it's usually private in a car after we've dropped our kids off. Here we go. Fair mainly putting ourselves up. We are, we are, but I feel like but I don't think everyone has that, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:52

And I think mother no, it's hard to imagine not. So maybe not, you know.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

You have a million friends. You okay, you're like a unicorn. I have like a small group of friends, and then I have a lot of friends, people that I care about that I don't consider like my tight, you have a million friends. I think a lot of people don't, and I think that as a working mother, that's very isolating sometimes because you have a billion things to do and you're working and you're taking care of your family, and like there's not a lot of time for friendships. Yeah, and so I think uh there's probably quite a few women out there that are in their 40s who don't necessarily have this group of women that they can feel supported and just laugh at like the shit that is just like the hype like motherhood and like the juggle and the nonsense and so much judgment too.

SPEAKER_00 3:38

So you can feel alienated doing things different than half the other moms in the crew, like so true, and it's just okay to parent however you know what I I remember when the kids were little, something clicked at me at one point. I was like, I felt like I was in public, sometimes parenting my kids in a way that I was doing it because there's other people around. Oh, I know that's yeah, and then I just remember being like, What am I doing? I'm never gonna see these people again. What do I care? Totally, or even if you are who are, right?

SPEAKER_01 4:09

It's like I totally know these people are gonna tell everyone what I do, right? Yeah, and you feel judged, and that's that sucks because it's already hard. Like we're already like doing all the stuff that's so hard, and then we judge each other, and I think we only judge each other because we want to know that we're not like fucking everything up, and everyone else is kind of a mess, too, you know. Like, I think it's not from a place of like people are really trying to judge, but it's like, but yeah, and then then you feel even like more isolated, and like if you're trying to figure all of this out and navigate it, and there's no one size fits all.

SPEAKER_00 4:38

I think you're right, and sometimes I do forget, and I'm so grateful that I have so many like different groups of friends and small friends, and baseball friends, I have myself and fit friends. I you know, I have my friends from home. And because I, you know, now that thinking about it and what you said, I feel like I have a lot of times that my friends are like, Can you can can you invite me to that group? Or you know, you always have so many friends you're hanging out with. I know so you're right, maybe there are more people than I realize that don't have that. You know, my house is also like they literally call it the clubhouse. Yeah, like my South Episode are like, Can we make a plaque for the outside of your friends because it says the clubhouse? Because you know, just am I even when I'm not home? People are at the house.

SPEAKER_01 5:20

Oh my god, which is so your vibe, right? And you're like, everybody come, and I think you feed off of a lot of people, and like that warms your soul. Where I get somewhat overwhelmed with too lots of people sometimes. Like I like it in doses, but but like close friendships, like that's that's where I feed off of. So I think there's a lot of women that probably feel like yeah, they're alone in this island and going through all of these things, yeah, and you have to be able to process it. Like you have to be able to verbally process, you have to be able to have someone or feel supported or feel seen or feel understood. Like, this is so important, and to be able to laugh through, like, like shit gets hard, you know.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

So maybe people listen either think we're crazy or they'll be like, Oh, I did the same thing last.

SPEAKER_01 6:00

Right, and probably both, and like honestly, great. We're crazy. I don't really care. We're doing the best we can, and we're not here to give any advice, we're not here to like tell you how to do it. Like, we don't know what we're doing, we're figuring it out, right? But we are here to show up like with honesty and vulnerability, and to say, like, this is what we're doing, and you don't have to agree with it. We're not trying to convince you of anything, but like we're here, and like we'd love to know, like, you know, that you're not alone in your struggles, like, yeah, or message us with any topics that you don't want the kids to even talk to. And like, shit, that's like you know, things happen all the time. You're like, I don't know. Like, sometimes like my kids will ask me things, and I'm like, where's the fucking backup person who tells me what to do right now? Like, I don't know. Like, why are you looking at me? And I don't even feel like a grown-up sometimes. Like, why don't I have to be the one as answers?

SPEAKER_00 6:48

I feel like up until a couple years ago, I'd be like, oh I'm like a young, cool mom. I'm like, we're in like our 40s now. Are you still allowed to say that? I know. Kids are older, your son, son's taller than me. I'm like, wait, what's happening? Right? It's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

I also, when we were talking about podcasting, I came across this ladies' podcast, and um she was posting on social media, and she's saying how all she hears is horrible things about perimetopause and about raising kids, and she's like terrified of all of it. And she's in her 30s, and I was like, wow, that's really sad to me. Yeah, because like I actually think that my 40s might be my best time yet. I mean, yes, it's hard to say that because I've had amazing life, and like my 20s were pretty fucking cool, right? Thank God there were no video cameras back. Seriously, or video cameras on phones for that matter. Yes, thank God for that. But I'm like, I don't want that to be the perception. Like, 40s is not suck. Like, it's that's not it, like at all for me. I mean, would you say?

SPEAKER_00 7:46

Oh, no, I don't think that at all. Yeah, I somehow accidentally ended up on like some Brooke Shields hair commercial.

SPEAKER_01 7:58

Okay, Siobhan's on some of the most random everything, is ever clear. I don't understand because you know everyone to have like a billion friends and all this.

SPEAKER_00 8:05

Let's demonstrate it was like a real person shoot. It wasn't like models or anything like that. But her manager, I think she's your manager or her like licensing manager, whatever, someone who is affiliated with her camp, lived in when we when we lived in that building before she lived there. And she we would always talk as you know, my fashion, whatever background, and and she one day was like, wait a minute, we're doing a shoot for Brooks New Hair Product Company. Like, can you it's all real people, you have the best hair, will you do it? And I'm like, like, yeah, sure, like whatever. It's just like for her and she's like, I do. You say yes to everything. I always seem gonna work on that, it never happens. Like one of your great qualities, but I don't think. Anyway, the one of the well, first it's starting like a video shoot or photo shoot. Oh, I got ready. Like, don't like my picture taken. I don't love being on camera, so I like don't even want to look that way. I'm just don't even want to re-watch these. Someone else has to edit this.

SPEAKER_01 9:06

I totally forgot. Do we need it?

SPEAKER_00 9:09

Yes. So anyway, I was like, all right, fine, I'll do it. It'll be like real makeup, a real studio, at least at least some I'm doing fine, whatever. But then they're like, oh, so here's the video part. And I was like, no one told me I had to talk like a video. Reason for the story. It's at the end, they were asking, like, you know, it's like, what do you feel like beauty is? What do you about aging? Whatever. And I just one of the questions was like, what do you find like the most challenging about aging? And I just like, I don't know. I didn't really I said, I don't really know. All of it's great. And then like end up with a commercial of my answer. It's all great. That's what I thought. I didn't tell anybody, and my mom came across it on Instagram and sent it to me. She's like, How weird is this? This girl looks just you, shut up. And then my sister, I was like, my sister, I didn't tell anybody. I kind of forgot. I did it, and I like forgot. And my sister and I were together, I was like, let's mess with her. And my I was like, Susan doesn't think it looks anything like me. You're weird. And she's like, Yes, it does. Her eyes, everything, and your her manner is just so weird. I don't know how long I let her think it wasn't me. I think a couple days. I was like, just you know. She's like, yeah, it works.

SPEAKER_01 10:15

You're so good at those practical jokes, too. I'm like such, I'm like out myself as soon as I'm like, I lied. I can't help myself.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

I can't do it. Cool jokers in our family. But anyway, back to that point. I don't know. I can't I feel like it's also those things where like I look and I see people with little kids, I'm like, we can't even remember those dates. So like even remembering what what we were, what I was like then, or what kind of parent you were, or that phase, it's like it's not that you don't remember parts. Like, I don't know. It's like you're just here now, and and it's like not living in the past, not living in the future, just living in this moment and being okay with it. Yeah, yeah, I love that. I feel like that's probably very you.

SPEAKER_01 10:55

Yeah. I I think I'm a little bit harder on myself, so I'm like, okay, the things that are hard about aging for me are like, you know, like my hair is gray constantly, like regardless of how much I color it. And I don't know what else. Like oh, this wrinkle. I hate this wrinkle. I was gonna say, like watching your face change, right? But inside, I'm like, I'm wiser, I'm more confident. Like I have um a great relationship with my husband, and like we've grown up together, and all this stupid shit that we used to like fight about, like it's like no longer mostly. I have so much more self-awareness. Like, I'm it's so much better in so many ways as we get older.

SPEAKER_00 11:35

You know, I remember we were talking about this podcast things. I remember at one point I was like, oh, thinking about doing it and interviewing like women that I've worked with, like helping develop their brands, because every time I take on a new client or I start working with someone else, like the conversations always go to like this progression. It's like, you know, you're a woman, you're young, you have this like whole life, and usually you're working in this career, and then you meet someone, you're dating, you get married, the kids come, now you're a wife, now you're a mother, and now and our kids are at that age now where you're like, okay, wait, they're getting older, you like want something for yourself again, like this, and that's usually women I end up working with, or women that are like getting back into things, they're starting their own brand, they have this passion project, and everybody has their own story. But there is, and I'm not saying it doesn't happen with men, but the fact that we have to take that time to be pregnant, have these babies, nurse these babies, like you you change so much, and I think that's such an interesting part of the story and being a woman and growing that it's all good. It's not like oh I'm older and perimetopause, and maybe I gained weight and the wrinkles or whatever, like it's okay, it's it's okay. You figure it out, yeah. But it's like the growth that you go through is so special.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

I totally agree with that. It is so different for a man, right? Like, yeah, it's just so different. Like, I think that like for Chris, it's always been like his career, and he's on this career path, and like very much like a family man and a great husband, too. But like that's like it doesn't, I don't think fatherhood becomes the identity, like you take on as a mother, right? It is like you take on a different identity, like everything like becomes about this little beings that you are raising and spending your time with, and everything comes second to that, like right? Your life just changes like that. But to that point, like I mean, you know, our sons are 13, so we still have years, but he'll say, like, you know, I'm leaving in six years, right? Oh yeah, trying to kill you? Oh, 100%. He's love language is an abuse, like, yes. He's like physically, like, I mean, not really abusive, but yes, like that. Yes, and he pokes at me all the time, right? He knows all my and I'm like, oh my god, like six years will fly by, and then we'll be in a whole nother phase of life. And so it's so good the way that you do life, it's just you're here and present, and not in the future, and not in the past. Because I think people can it's so easy to get stuck in being like your mom, and that's it, and that's all you know, and you put everything second, and then you're like, Who the fuck am I now?

SPEAKER_00 14:02

Yeah, which is a whole nother thing. I mean, I started what go I went back to work not like full-time, full-time, but I remember the kids being little, and like we were living in New York, and we ended up moving like near where I grew up in the woods in New Jersey, and I remember being so it's like never thought that we would move back there because it's in the middle of nowhere, but it is near Atlantic City-ish. And they were building this new casino, and you know, George is in the restaurant business and got offered this consulting job. He's like, Do you want to move back there? I never in a million years. I think I mean I'm so close to my family, right? But like his job and where the level of restaurants he was working, like, there's none of those in New Jersey and never in a million years. And when we moved back, and I got pregnant really quickly, did not realize it. We bought this old house that needed to be renovated, and my dad and I were like, We're gonna do it together, like Bob Velo, old man, oldest little house style. And I they were like, You're pregnant, get out of this asbestos filled house. Good, let's go. Yeah, and but I remember being in the house, and like I had this idea of just being like barefoot and pregnant and running around with the kids in the woods. Like, but George works so much, so I was alone a lot. Yeah, and we're just being like, Oh my god, if I have to build one more block tower, I'm gonna lose my mom. 100%. But being like, why does anyone why does anyone talk about this? Why do I feel like such a bad mom that this is boring as shit? 100%. Like it's not all of it was, but there's a time where I'm like, oh my god, I'm dying. Like I've got new mommy and me classes I will go to. Like this is boring. 100%. So every once in a while I would like go and I'd like I had a friend of mine that was launching a company at the time, and I had worked with her at a previous company, and she I helped her like open a couple stores, do a few photo shoots here and there. So it's like working a little, and it was it was nice to just get out and still be creative, but not have to work. Yeah, and it's different now, you know, we're divorced now, and now I like have to work. And I and I remember telling my friend who was launching this company at the time because she was like, I'm not having kids, I don't want to have kids, I I work too much. I'm and kind of telling her, like, there's so many ways to be a good mom. You don't have to, you know, just be a stay-at-home mom to be a good mom. You can still do what you're doing, show them what hard work and that so it's an interesting conversation though, because I feel like I said that at the time, and now sometimes I look back on that, and like, you know, not to take anything away from like the idea of feminism and women, but the idea that we can have it all and you can be good at everything, I think is like a hard sell. And I don't think it's the right thing to tell young girls because it's really hard.

SPEAKER_01 16:30

Well, I think also we drown in it, right? Yeah, it's like we're supposed to, and supposed to is whatever, right? I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves. You we like should ourselves to death. We do, how does that? We should ourselves together, and like mom guilt is is uh prevalent no matter what you're doing. Yeah, so I'm I'm a stay-at-home mom, I was a stay-at-home mom for 10 years, and 10 years. I went to school and I did whatever, but but I still had mom guilt. I had mom guilt when I left them. I had mom guilt when I had a babysitter, I had mom guilt, like it doesn't stop no matter how much time you're actually spending. But to your point, to think that you can, you know, be fully present in your home and have a full-time career and you know participate in the house and cooking and feed your kids the way you want to, it's like puts all this pressure that's like, I don't know if that's possible.

SPEAKER_00 17:15

It's not. Something has to give. Something has to give. Always. I remember when we were homeschooling also, and I just and I loved it. I loved every minute of the homeschooling, but like I had a business partner at the time that we were growing a business, I was homeschooling, and I was trying to be a mom. Crazy. And I and it's like I love that homeschooling part of it so much when like, okay, well, I have to be the mom. Someone has to cook for them and feed them and get them to bed and drive them around. All right, I have to make money. So unfortunately, I feel like the homeschooling thing might have to like be the thing we give up. And luckily we found Sentner, and that's the only school I probably would have sent them to. But I I think it was at that point where I started shifting this idea of like, you can't have it, you can have it all, but you can't do it all 100%. That's you can't do it all great. Yeah, 100%. Any one of those days you'd be like, wow, I was either a really crappy business partner today, or I wasn't the best mom, or I we didn't even do school today, right?

SPEAKER_01 18:07

That's like a whole nother a whole nother beast that I can't even imagine. But that's fair. I mean, you can't you can't do everything 100%, and and something always has to give. And it's also not wrong, right? It's like you can have people who are part of your community and you work a full-time job and you're really successful, and you have a people that love your kids, you it takes, but it does take a village, like you can't do that on your own. But yeah, I think that there's just so much to it, and I think that it's like so many times it's such a lonely journey of being a mom if you don't have a good community of women, and I've experienced that throughout phases of my life where you're like, oh my god, I feel so guilty because I'm whatever, and if you don't have someone to talk about it with and realize, like what was your group like in California before you moved here? I had a really great neighbor friend who I adored, she was a working mom, and then I had another friend who um our boys were friends also, and and she was great, but they didn't really like mesh nos necessarily, so it really wasn't a group, and it wasn't like I had an abundance of friends, like I had a couple of friends. Um California was interesting though because we went there, you know, after a big falling out for Chris's business, and it was in like an interesting place, and so it was very much like a time where we really like nestled together. So we spent so much family time and like it got sleepy and at the end, Chris was like, get us out of here. But it was also I I mean I didn't have I didn't have a huge support network, and I didn't I had I had friends, but I didn't have necessarily what I have now where I felt like I could like I also didn't understand the how necessary it is and how okay it is to like verbally process things. I just thought I had to internalize, I internalized it and felt like deal with it and suck it up and like you're doing this and you've got this, and then it comes out in other ways, right? Like I would fight.

SPEAKER_00 19:55

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_01 19:55

Well, I mean, like now, like I feel like if I'm having a hard time, like it's like voice texting you or Melissa and like dumping it all out. Like literally, I'm like getting it all out, right? And then I don't have to like dump it all on my husband who who is willing to talk to me, but like we process differently. Like after five minutes, he's like, okay, that's like put a wrap that up, we're done talking about it. And I'm like, I'm just getting started. Like, I still have all these feelings, I don't know what to do. And he's like, Okay, great. You know, like he already solved that problem, he's on to the next thing, right? It's just different. It's just different.

SPEAKER_00 20:33

Yeah, move on, check, check it off the list. We're done with this. Right, we're over it. Yeah, yeah, it's the community is is definitely important. I mean, that's why it's such a hard time when we moved here, like when we left the beach last year and moved to this side, because I was so used to being at the beach where like neighbors would just walk up barefoot from the beach to the house, and it was this like great community. And I think I had this vision that that morningside was gonna be that way because I had friends that lived in the area, but it just it wasn't the same. It just it wasn't the same. I mean, there are I told you this before, like, there are days where my kids aren't even home and I'm in the back in the office working, and I remember the first time it happened, I was like, the TV just gone? Like, what's happening right now? And I opened the door if my call is over, and there's like four random neighborhood kids resting on my sofa and they're like random neighborhoods.

SPEAKER_01 21:27

I think you have a special pocket there because your kids get like some independence there too. Who would have thought though? Like you live at Miami Beach.

SPEAKER_00 21:34

So now it really is a special, and and now that they're getting older, you know, I was talking I've talked to friends of mine who have kids that are older because you know, north of Fifth Street, yeah, you know, they're snuffing and you're like little pockets and then it gets nice again, and then you know, it's like, all right, and but I feel like the beach promenade is like say they walk the bike, say they can go to the beach together, whatever. And even this weekend when they had that sleepover, brook you know, Brooks had already left. Um But I messaged you know the other boys' moms and I was like, uh, do you guys care if they get on bikes and like ride up to Lincoln Road and go have lunch? And they're like, yeah, sure, fine. So it's like they're and and we talked about this last week a bit, but like giving these kids freedom, yeah, to like be alone. Yeah. And like you, you know, I I was working with this that playground that I mentioned before that that in New York that at play the playground NYC. And I remember them telling me like every time they do um like clinics and stuff, like with the parents, that they always have them, they always ask them, like, what's your some of your favorite childhood memories growing up? And they very, very, very rarely ever include adults. Interesting. Yeah. And think about it, you know. I mean, I don't know one of yours is. I remember I have a vivid one where you know we grew up in the woods, and I remember we would go in the woods, you know, true hippie kids, barefoot, of course, and we would spend hours collecting moss. And we would collect moss, and then we would find clearings in between trees and like puzzle the moss together and make beds outside, and like go steal sheets and tie it up and make like full-blown like encampments out in the woods. Which is there? Not at night, and parents would eventually realize we were missing. Parents were not bad. Maybe they would let you. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 23:25

I feel like that's a thing you would do.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

We might buy another boss. Yeah, no, it was just during the day we'd like read, and they just we were just alone, we were just out. But again, we lived in the middle of the woods. It wasn't, you know, it's that's it's so hard to find freedom when you live. And and you know, it's also this idea of community. I was listening to something recently where they were talking about like, you know, you guys just came back from Europe, like these European cities that have these city centers where you go to the piazza and you go and have coffee and you see all of your like the neighborhood, the people that live in your neighborhood that live in your like village and there. So it's like in America, you know, they it was like something about the history of like mega malls being built and how it like you know, suburban life and how it destroyed like communities, and we don't have that.

SPEAKER_01 24:11

No, I mean that's fair. It's when I think about my favorite childhood memories, I'm also thinking of like riding my bike without my parents with my friends, or yeah, like playing outside without them. But that almost makes me sad because I'm like, I don't know if my kids like they don't have a lot of that. Like, we have not do you feel like you have it more now that you're here? They could, but they don't really know.

SPEAKER_00 24:36

I mean, next door, he's might have moved to Europe. Yeah, like what other kids are in this neighborhood?

SPEAKER_01 24:41

There's a kid in Maddox's class who he likes, but he's got sports like every night, and so that's the idea about like constantly scheduling.

SPEAKER_00 24:49

I was texting with my group down South Fifth Moms, and we somehow got on this conversation on the group text, and one of my mom friends said, Yeah, but the challenge is everybody else's kids are organized. So you have this one kid that isn't, and you're like, Okay, but everyone else is gone anyway, so who they play with. And we figured out we're like, okay, Wednesday, four o'clock, everyone go to work. So it's like you're there, you're there, if you're not, you're not, but it's just easier down there.

SPEAKER_01 25:14

Yeah, I believe you. So I actually thought I had that thought. I was like, oh, we should organize like a kickball game like Morningside Park one day a week. But I'm like, Brooks literally has football every single night right now. Like that's just yeah, it's not an opportunity for it.

SPEAKER_00 25:27

But again, it's organized. That's actually doing it, but it's organized, it's not just them being able to, you know, and I we were talking about this earlier, but like the kids this weekend when they were at the house, or it wasn't even this weekend, it was Tuesday because they were off. And them kind of giving me a hard time. And it's interesting, especially because our boys don't have phones, right? One of them does, but like we have this group of kids that they're 12, 13, and it's super rare that they don't have phones, but even these kids that don't have phones, they wanted to bring their iPads. I'm super strict, and I was like, no, okay, they want to play some, I don't know, maybe some challenge, something that they all want to be on at the same time. I said, That's fine, but that's the hour that you guys want to choose, but that is it and no more. And they were, I was getting pushback. Like, why can't we? Why can't? And I was like, No, you're all here together. Go outside. I told you guys you can ride your bikes and do whatever you want. Go to the bait. I mean, at one point they're like, Where do you go to the bait store? And they went and bought bait and like fed tarpon off the marina. I was like, I'm gonna do it. Just get out of the house, find something.

SPEAKER_01 26:29

Go do whatever you want. I mean, but that's amazing that they were able to because even like I have three boys, and I'm always like, why don't they go out and play by themselves? They don't like we have to go out with them to get them outside to play. You need to lock your doors.

SPEAKER_00 26:41

Something they they they do. My parents used to do that. They'd be like, go outside, doors are locked, you are not going. Oh my gosh, I was making uh our all of your windows would just have face implants in there.

SPEAKER_01 26:53

I was I was making Maddox and Ashton do like an hour outside, right? I'm like, I do an hour outside. This is like during the summer when I was in school, and so they literally were walking around our pool. I'm like, you can't like old man walking. Like, are you serious? You can't find one game. I'm like, we have a basketball hoop, like nothing. No, they walked around the pool and then they come in every 15 minutes. They're like, is it time to come in yet? What do they want to do inside? Technology half the time, but even if not, they can find stuff to do in here. Like they'll play Legos or sometimes they'll play stuff, but like I feel it's like they're allergic to outdoors. But I'm also like, is that my fault? Probably at some point because I didn't make them play outside, or they didn't have in California, we had friends across the street and they would play all the time. But without that, without like other kids coming in, like it's really hard.

SPEAKER_00 27:40

Like it goes back to the point where it's like you can, I guess, tell your kids to go outside and play all the time, but really if there's no other kids to play with, it's really hard.

SPEAKER_01 27:46

It's hard, yeah. And there are kids in the neighborhood, but like they don't know them, and like they're not like walking up being like, Hey, I want to play. Like, that doesn't happen.

SPEAKER_00 27:55

It's sort of like a neighborhood chat.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

Yeah, there is everybody. More people just complaining about trash days for God's. Yeah, that's the way.

SPEAKER_00 28:06

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is different where we are. Every day after school, I think almost every day kids come over and play wiffle ball in the there's like an empty lot behind our house, and it's like a sand lot, like the movie San Lot, and the neighbor has a tree house. The girls go and play in the treehouse and like watch the boys play wiffle ball, and they throw things at them and like you know, torture them and then run away. And every once in a while I hear things on our roof, and I'm like, get off my roof. The kids somehow end up on the roof. I know the last thing I need.

SPEAKER_01 28:34

But you also are very laid-back parents, where you like let them have a lot more freedom, or I was probably like anxious and worried that they were gonna, I don't know, get taken, get whatever, like something's gonna happen to them. So I probably have also kept them a little bit reined in more than I should. But that's such a hard balance, right?

SPEAKER_00 28:51

You're like, yeah, I agree. I mean, it's hard at this having a boy and a girl, too, because there's things I let Giacomo do. He's also two years older and he's a boy, and then I don't let Ilya do, and she gets super mad at me. And it's just like sorry, sometimes it's like, oh well, you're a boy, she's a girl, like you're older, you're younger. Like, you can't do it. You're not fair. Like, Giacomo walked the dog all the way around the neighborhood by himself, but like, sorry, like Ilya, you're not. I mean, I don't time, I'm like, I swear I'm not the crazy neighborhood lady, but then sometimes I tell stories. I'm like, huh, maybe I am that crazy neighborhood lady. Maybe but in the best kind of way. I came home one day. I don't know what I was doing. I like, you know, our house is across the street from the elementary school, like, not right across because it's a parking lot in the middle school. And I across the street from our house is a no-parking little area that I think used to be an entrance to the parking lot. And there's always people just kind of parked there, whether it's like an Uber driver waiting for something or somebody waiting. I don't know. There's always like cars just illegally parked there. They're sitting there with their cars running. And I pulled up, I think I had groceries in, and I pulled up one day, and there was this creepy old van with the windows of the curtains covered right next to me. And the minute I parked there, he looked at me and backed out and left. And I was like, Well, that was weird. Right. So I followed him. Oh, it's a story too. I followed him. I fought, it was him and a woman in the car, in the van. I follow him, he turns, goes around the block, and he kind of pulls over again. So I followed him and I pulled over across the street, and then he pulled out again and started leaving again. So I pulled out and started leaving again, and then he starts driving like north on the beach, like towards Lincoln Road, up that way, and I'm following him. And he knew it. He could tell he knew I was following him. And then in like Lincoln has like two, two, two braids.

SPEAKER_01 30:41

Everyone has a gun to him.

SPEAKER_00 30:45

So there's a cop in the middle of Washington, like two lane, two lane, and then there's like the turn lane, and a cop is sitting there, and the van pulls over and says something to the cop. So I pull up and I say something to the cop, and I was like, What did that guy say to you? And he said, He said you were following him. Are you following him? Oh my god. And then I was like, ample him. I was like, listen, super weird. I live across in the school, we got a creepy van, and they pulled out the minute I pulled next to him. And he was like, All right, well, you have his license plate, go to the police station on the 11th and whatever, put in a report. I go there, I go to the police station. They could not have been more helpful. It was amazing. They like secretly like showed me the picture of his license, like, and they were like, Is this him? I was like, Yeah. And they're like, All right, we're gonna put it in A P B or whatever it's called. And they're like they're and then but the best thing is the neighborhood chat. I was like, has anyone seen this van? I texted this person, there's all these chats. I came back, I can't even tell you how many dads were riding around the neighborhood on scoopers, on bikes, and like messages. I just saw them on the street. I just saw all the dads like their baseball baths and like that's kind of like poor guy. I think he was a maintenance worker that lived in the area that was working in the area, and I was like, oh shit.

SPEAKER_01 31:58

I know he wasn't a boss or he stopped and talked to the police. I know, and I was like, I want to keep going. But we but we literally we were visiting California and like we were we lived in like a sleepy beach town, like seriously, like safe, like that's a place I would let my kids run around. Like Miami scarves me. Yeah, and so we went to a birthday party, and our boys are being like, whatever, pain in the ass about something, and Chris was like, Stay in the car, you're not getting out, you sit in the car. And so Chris, Ashton, and I get out of the car. It's literally the same making whatever not even reactionary. And and so I was literally like wrapped up in Ashen. He was little at this point. Thank God Chris like never took his eye off of our car. Well, this white van pulls up next to our car. Oh god, literally like goosebumps like it makes me so. And so Brooks is very like aware, right? Yeah, so he said he saw he saw this car.

SPEAKER_00 32:53

How old was he?

SPEAKER_01 32:54

This was probably three years ago, so he would have been uh like 10. Maddox had no idea. And so Chris was like, Chris was like, fuck that, right? So he goes over there and was like, opens the door and was like, get out now. And Maddox, of course, like whatever. Chris like gets out and the car pulls away, the man pulls away. And so Chris was like so pissed at himself because he's like that that was shady as fuck. And he's like, I can't wait. In a sleepy beach, he was in the sleepy. Literally, in Encinitas, California, at this beach town that, like, literally, like, this is like a sleepy beach town where everyone's barefoot, everyone serves, like, but it's like a very like, and I was like, I can't believe that my intuition didn't like go off at all. I'm so grateful that Chris is done and he was watching them, but like, like that's a thing. Like, we live in like these, you hear these stories, and you're like, it's I guess it also goes back to being judged, right? It's like, God, if it would have been like, well, why would you leave your kids in the car? Like horrible parenting, right? And it's like you think I've lived my life sometimes in like the worst case scenario, and then I wonder why my kids won't go out and play. Like, I made you a psycho, but like that was legit scary.

SPEAKER_00 34:05

Yeah, that's terrifying. Terrifying, yeah. I mean, I guess the point is, is like anything can happen bad all the time. Totally. It happens, yeah, kids get hurt, kids. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 34:19

It's I know, I don't know. I know what were you doing now.

SPEAKER_00 34:29

I remember I went off the pill. You know why we end up getting having a baby is because we were at a wedding in Vermont, and it was two at our table, we're at the fun table, and it was like two dads and no wives, and me and George and another couple. And we were like, Where are your wives? And we're like, Oh, both of our wives just had babies over at home. And we're like, Oh, really? Like, how and then we were asking, like, oh, and they're like, Yeah, well, it took like a year to get pregnant. Well, and we're like, Oh, I mean, should we like start trying? Should we go at all? Like, what do we, you know, whatever? And we're like, Yes, if it takes a year, sure. You're ready by then. Didn't even get my carriage, didn't even get my carried once.

SPEAKER_01 35:06

I was like, what's going on here? Oh, but like you're pregnant.

SPEAKER_00 35:10

It's like I was gonna practice for a year. It was like, are you kidding me? Hence like the house earlier that we were like, we gotta get out of there and just like renovate this house.

SPEAKER_01 35:19

How many years were you married before you got pregnant?

SPEAKER_00 35:21

Oh before you got talking. We got married in 2009, I jumped on 2012. Okay. Yeah. But we had just moved out of New York. We just left New York. Oh gosh, so much. And I was like, not, no, we were not ready at all. And same thing with Ilya. I'm pregnant. Didn't what yeah, didn't even try. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:42

I mean, you're never really ready, right? It's like, how are you ready?

SPEAKER_00 35:45

I remember I think when I told George I was pregnant with Ilya, it was like in the middle of the night, it was late one night, and he rolled over and was like, I'm too tired for this. I was like, I feel you, buddy. Seriously, you were upset? I was like, I mean my sentiments exactly, but I gotta end it. There's nothing I can do about it.

SPEAKER_01 36:04

My whole room asset had been crying next to him while I was snoring because I was tired and done it. I was like, Yeah, he's right. We're right. I'm too tired. I mean, that is like motherhood in a nutshell, is you're so tired in the beginning anyway. So years of tiredness.

SPEAKER_00 36:22

Yeah, but I mean, going back to like the whole reason of why, I do think you're you're right. There's so many parts of this. Not even just like motherhood, just being a woman.

SPEAKER_01 36:37

Well, right. I mean, it's like being a woman, being a wife, or being a you know, single mom, and like there's just so many parts of it. And being an entrepreneur, like we're both, you know, wanting businesses, trying to run together.

unknown 36:49

Right.

SPEAKER_01 36:50

I don't know. Yeah, there's just so much cooperative word here. Trying my God almighty. But yeah, there's so many parts to it, and there's just like if you don't have somebody or you know, a community to share and to process and to go through it, I think it's really lonely, and I think that there's just so much to it, such an emotional journey, and like I don't know, a lot. But we're here, we're open for open for questions. We are here, yeah. I mean, that's it, right? We're just gonna show up and we're here, and we're here to be vulnerable and talk about hard things, and uh no one needs to agree with us or disagree with us. It doesn't matter, we're not here to judge anybody else, right?

SPEAKER_00 37:31

We're just sharing honestly, like and I do like your first why, but like the idea that it's so hard to make time. I mean, how many group chats are we on that like we're like, oh, what are we gonna have dinner? Right? Can't we get together for dinner? So the fact that like once a week, every week I get to sit and hang out with you. It's amazing. Perfect, right? Our dogs are gonna play date excuse me. And now you're both just sitting instead of what's in the dogs. Oh yeah, they're listening to the dog. So do we miss any of the other whys? What do you think about that? So I said I I said I had none because it was a classic let's start a podcast. I mean, I did everything. I was like, I'll figure it out later.

SPEAKER_01 38:11

Yeah, this is true. You're like, let's start a podcast, and I'm like making spreadsheet, like, and you're like, wait, what are we talking about? Spreadsheet. This is true. I think, I mean, I think it really is like the things I said already, but it's like really like for fun, for connection, and also just like to really show up and be vulnerable and know, like, you know, no matter what you're going through, you're not alone. Like, we haven't covered it all, but we've been through marriage, divorce, cheating, different sides, right? Starting businesses, being parents, like like trying to juggle everything.

SPEAKER_00 38:48

And I think that um I think that's important what you just said is you're not like you are definitely not the only one that has ever gone through or had this issue, or whether it's good, bad, up, down, like you're definitely not the only one that it's ever happened to. 100%.

SPEAKER_01 39:04

And we're both different too, like, right? Like you you parent different than I do, and and it's beautiful. And I think there's also like I think that's a good thing because it's like we're not saying there's one way to do anything, it's just we're just doing life, we're doing life together, and I would love for people to understand that that we're doing life with you too, but you know.

SPEAKER_00 39:22

Oh, yeah, on that note, we're done. Oh perfect. We're done. Write that down. That was good. All right. Next week, everyone who knows what we'll talk about.

SPEAKER_01 39:34

We won't know until we sit down.