Don’t tell the kids… we should be mortified

This episode starts with our most embarrassing moments… and somehow spirals into everything we weren’t planning to say. It’s raw, it’s unfiltered, and yes — there are parts we maybe should’ve kept to ourselves. But that’s kind of the point. Real life, real stories, and the kind of honesty you usually save for your group chat. Press play, laugh with us (or at us), and feel a little less alone in the chaos. Don’t tell the kids.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Need a break in your handless to do this? Welcome to Don't Tell the Ken. We're too busy mom sharing the real, busy, funny conversations about life and motherhood. I know mom of three, mom of third, an entrepreneur, and you know how I got.

SPEAKER_02 0:21

And I'm Chevron, single mom of two, easily verified, and always saying yes to my no advice, and just honest conversations on and off the mic. So grab your coffee, hide out in your car, and don't tell again. Melanie! I know.

SPEAKER_00 0:55

Alright, so it's kind of gloomy, and despite this being my third coffee of the day, I have had a challenging time motivating. So we're gonna talk about something fun today.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

Well, can we just talk about how spoiled we are that we live in Miami? Yes. And the fact that it's 65 and rainy that we whine about it. So it's fair. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

Okay, so I'm sorry if you live anywhere else. Like I exactly. I mean, to be fair, I did that for a really long time. And yeah, we all paid our dues. Paid my dues, yeah. Complained a lot more than.

SPEAKER_03 1:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:30

I know. It's hard to complain when you wake up and the sun is shining.

SPEAKER_03 1:34

It really is.

SPEAKER_02 1:35

I know. It's such a that's why we're complaining right now because it's rainy and chilly, and we just want to sit and drink coffee. Chili is very relative.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

But maybe it's our chili. It's Miami chili. Um, okay, so I was thinking about embarrassing things that have happened in life. And so I wanted to ask you about your most embarrassing moments that you're willing to share.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

I have to start. Gosh.

SPEAKER_00 2:00

We don't have to start.

SPEAKER_02 2:02

Um, I feel like I might need to think about it for a minute. What would what were ones you were thinking of that got you on this topic? Well, you kick it off, then I'll think in the meantime.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

Well, there was a recent incident which made me think of it, but I'm not gonna start there. I'm gonna start with public.

SPEAKER_02 2:16

I think I know the one, so okay, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

Yeah. Um, but there are a couple in college, which we still talk about to this day. But so I guess one is we were at a party one time at a fraternity house, and I went upstairs to use the bathroom, and I was pretty messed up. And so I'm coming down the stairs, and Chris and his cousins, his cousins happen to be in town, they didn't go to school there, were at the bottom of the stairs for I don't know what reason, but this was literally like set like a movie, right? And I'm at the top of the stairs wearing cute white jeans, and I literally tripped at the top of the stairs and went down the entire staircase on my butt, and it was like complete silence, like so quiet. Everyone that was around they could see me. And then Chris's cousin starts clapping and laughing.

SPEAKER_02 3:12

When I was like 21, maybe I was mortified. Yeah, I feel like at that age, those little things you're like, oh my god, everyone's gonna remember. Totally. Everyone's gonna be like, Oh, there's the girl, the bell down the stairs at the party. Exactly. Well, I guess the funny thing is looking back, did anyone ever mention it again?

SPEAKER_00 3:29

Yeah, but only like only like his cousin, he would be like, remember that time? It doesn't count. And I think it was more like that it was he thought it was so funny that he clapped and laughed. It didn't even matter that much. He was so proud of his own reaction, exactly. He was so proud of himself. So no, and in all reality, it didn't make any difference. No, not at all. And similar, similar incident in college. I used to love to dance at clubs like on elevated, anything elevated.

SPEAKER_02 3:57

You can give me a table. I mean, now that I know that, I feel like this weekend's gonna be way more fun. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 4:02

Well, I did quit drinking this year, but I can still dance on the table. And so I was dancing at a club. It was a party that Chris was throwing, because that's what Chris did in college. He was a promoter and he threw parties. So this massive party at this nightclub, and there was this black box that was, I don't know, maybe three feet in the air. I don't even know. And I fell off the box, ripped my you know, tight black pants that I've wore at that time.

SPEAKER_02 4:29

Like they had a hole in the knee. Oh my god. Was it during the days with like the fake Steve Madden shoes too? Those shoes. Were they actually this nice?

SPEAKER_00 4:38

I didn't have those on, but I had the really tall boots on. Yes, I had like yes, very high boots. And I was so mortified, I like like limped my broken ego to the bathroom and cried.

SPEAKER_02 4:49

No, yes, I was so embarrassed. Yeah, the funny thing is, no one probably even remembered it after that. Oh, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_00 4:56

And honestly, everyone was probably not stuck in that club anyway. So, how many people even saw me? I don't even know. No one cared. Yeah, I cares.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

Nobody cares. I try to tell my kids that nobody cares. Nobody cares. No one remembers, nobody cares. So true. Dance and sing in the supermarket aisle. Nobody cares. So true.

SPEAKER_02 5:10

See embarrassing moments. I feel like I have so many. Oh, this is a good one. So when I used to work at Anthropology, it was I was working for Anthro and then they started this new line. It was like a wholesale line, it is like a new brand within anthropology. And I was helping them launch that brand. And it was like the first time in working that it was like kind of my project that I was overseeing. I like had to build out the photo shoot. I worked with my friend David, who you know, he helped me like do all the art direction, whatever. And the chute was in this the the showroom where where all the like in New York, like the white, like the the like wholesale showroom. And the shoot was on a Saturday, the off like office was closed, there's nobody in there. And in in the morning, we were having like an emergency package delivered Saturday a.m. But the building manager was the only one there, and I went to the basement to go try to find him. My new like I'm trying so hard to like keep it together. I'm like, I gotta be like professional, I gotta show them I can do this, you know. David's there, the hair and makeup's there, the designer's there, the models are there, like the whole crew for a photo shoot is there. I'm like, oh, I gotta go tell the building manager to look out for this package because we need it, we have to shoot this look. So I go downstairs and I go into like the you know, it's like a big New York office building where they have the loading docks and then the basement. So I go down to the basement to try to find him, and I see signs everywhere that say wet paint. I guess I never occurred to me that the wet paint was on the floor. And I walk down the stairs into a loading dock, step on the floor, and the minute I step, it was like the scene from home alone where he's on the ice, and he's like, and I finally caught myself. I was like, oh thank god. And then I land in a literally like a layer of gray oil-based paint because it was for like a loading dock. Face down. Thank goodness not face down, but the whole back of my hair, the back of my shirt, the back of my pants, I'm covered in gray paint.

SPEAKER_00 7:09

Oh no.

SPEAKER_02 7:10

And I'm like, oh my god, I'm horror. It's like it in my hair, it's everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 7:14

It is so disgusting.

unknown 7:16

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 7:16

The building manager guy could not have been nicer. I mean, I think he was 90 years old and had like no teeth. And if you didn't know him, you'd be terrified that he offered to wash my feet with turpentine because I had sandals on. There was like paint in between my toes. I remember being in one of those like big, like, you know, industrial sinks with like my feet and this old man cleaning my toes with like turpentine. Yeah, he took them up on the office. You're like, yes, please, great idea. He was like, a turpentine bath from a from a 90-year-old toothless man. You might have made his leg. Oh my god. And I remember I went back upstairs, and David, who you know, you know him, but I'm still very good friends with him, he still tells me, he's like, I can remember your face like to this day. He's like, I couldn't, he's like, and you remember he said to me, What happened? I can't tell if you're gonna laugh or cry. And I just did both. And like it was all and the whole rest of the day I just smelled like turban. But I decided to do it. I worked the rest of the day, covered in paint.

SPEAKER_00 8:10

Like I just had to go through it. You couldn't have gotten it all off, your clothes and hair and stuff. No, no. Was everyone did everyone look at you when you came back in the first place? Oh my god, what happened?

SPEAKER_02 8:17

But it was one of those things I was just kind of like, oh my god, I don't, you don't even want to know what just happened. And then we just went over their day and everyone was fine. And I was like, oh, it was so embarrassed. Because only because like I was trying to, I was young, right? And I was trying to portray this. I've got it together, I can do this, I'm gonna do a good job for them. Like, you know, I loved my job. I wanted to like outperform, and no, I just did it covered in turpentine paint all day.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

I think the universe has a sense of humor, right? It's like that's like, oh, it's all gonna look really good.

SPEAKER_02 8:45

Yeah, exactly. Trying to look good covered in paint. Yeah, that was a good one. That is a good one. That was a good pre-kid one. I feel like all my like embarrassing moments are like post-kids where I'm like, I feel like that life before doesn't even exist. I can't even remember.

SPEAKER_00 9:01

But that's interesting because I actually think I was more embarrassed about things prior, right? And then you know you get older and it's kind of like whatever, no one actually cares, and I don't care that much, right? So I think I mean I do have another one pre-kids.

SPEAKER_02 9:15

I remember I worked, you know, this, and I worked at at this company, and we had a joint venture with um with Madonna and her team, and we were developing a couple different clothing lines, and one of the collections was like um, it was a young girl's like a junior's kind of clothing line with her daughter. And a lot of times with with fashion samples, if places are trying to get you samples really quickly, they print on the fabric, but it's not like a real print. It's called a mamaki. I think that's what we call them. Mamaki's and it's like the dye isn't really like set in the fabric. But this one manufacturer that we were using had sent us a bunch of samples. I did not realize this one was a mamaki sample, and I had and I had there was extras, whatever. I mean, you would always kind of just like random samples people would end up with all the time at that job. And I had moved to Jamaica and I was living, this is after that job. I left that job, I had the sample, it was a cute like bodysuit. It looked like it was like a bathing suit almost. And I was living at this like fancy like hotel that George was helping like do all their food and beverage renovation, like fancy, like Ralph Moore designed the hotel, like all these like huge homes on the property. And I'm like, I think I look like you know, so uh cute in my little like bathing suit, and thank goodness there was nobody else in the pool at that time. I walk into the pool and I'm like you know, just like oh I probably just smoked a joint or something, and like in the pool, because that's what you do in Jamaica, that's what I do every day. And I remember just like looking around and being like, oh my, I thought I was like dying. I thought because it was it was a red floral print. I thought I was like bleeding to death. It was the print, the ink off of the bathing, like off of the bathing suit was just running into the water because it wasn't a real print. It looked like I murdered someone in the pool. No one was around. I literally grabbed the shit and just ran. I was like pretending like I was never here.

SPEAKER_03 11:06

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 11:07

And I remember running to a bathroom, taking the bathing suit off. It was like imprinted on my body. I was like everywhere. Like taking it off, throwing it, wrapping it in a towel, and like shoving the towel in like a dumpster or something.

SPEAKER_00 11:19

That's crazy. I would not even think about that because it wasn't real swimsuit material. Oh my gosh. Do you think people actually saw? No. I don't know. Who knows?

SPEAKER_02 11:29

They were either like, oh, that girl just bled everywhere in that pool.

unknown 11:35

Really bad.

SPEAKER_00 11:36

They're gonna throw a tampon at you when you get out. That's pretty embarrassing.

SPEAKER_02 11:40

But again, I don't think anyone saw.

SPEAKER_00 11:42

Oh my god. Oh, for sure. I actually bled on a seat once when I was at a restaurant. I remember my mom and I were sitting, it was at the hot dog shop, which is probably so gross. Young, and I I remember getting up from the seat, and my mom was like, oh my gosh, and she actually like wiped a seat for me. And I was like, Oh. But yeah, anyway, that was embarrassing at the time because I was like in my teens. Yeah, because it's like that is so embarrassing, you know.

SPEAKER_02 12:09

Like they were just taught taught that that again period is so gross and so embarrassing.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

So true.

SPEAKER_02 12:16

You're so right. Yeah, that's that um, I have a nursing nursing one. I I'm I remember I think it was the first time I flew with the kids, maybe. And it was just me and the me and the kids. I was flying back to New Jersey or something.

SPEAKER_01 12:27

I actually know, it could have been that timing.

SPEAKER_02 12:29

Anyway, it doesn't matter, but it was just the kids, just me and the kids. I was still nursing Ilya. I was probably still nursing Giacomo, but maybe not on the plane at that time. But he was too little to like leave in his seat by himself. He was that little that I couldn't be like, stay here, I'm gonna go walk your sister up and down the aisle because she's having a conniption. And I didn't really ever give the kids bottles because I always nursed and I was always with them, and I love nursing, and they I just was like, for me, like the idea of like pumping and then putting it in a bottle to do it, I'm like, why would I do that? They're just right here. Why would I even pump? I'm always with the kids. And walking in, but she was having a cow, and I remember like having like the little, you know, like remember those cute like Aiden and Anise, like little blankets that you would use, those like swaddlings, yeah, totally. And I had like kind of draped over me, and I was like trying to nurse her as I'm walking up and down the aisle, but she was like not an infant because she was little enough that she was still like curious. Oh yeah. So I just never remembered her head would like pop out, the blanket would fall down, my boob was like I was in the middle of the aisle walking down the middle of the blanket.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

Sorry, Curcy boobs everywhere.

SPEAKER_02 13:35

And I at one point turned on to look at Giacomo and he's just like beep hopping behind me, and I didn't realize it was like a mouse or something was biting people's ankles because everyone he would walk by, he would poke. Every single person was like my boobs are flying everywhere. I'm just crying. Like I'm not even like sad, it was just inadvertent, like tears just streaming down my face. Giacomo's poking people, my boobs are flying everywhere. Walking up and down the aisle, I'm like, why? What am I doing with my life right now? Like, what is happening? I totally know that moment. Were you crying because you were overwhelmed? I think I was overwhelmed. And I think I was crying because like nobody was nice. Yeah. Like, not one person was like, Oh, you want to hang out with your kid, or do you you okay? Do you need like not not a flight attendant, not a per like nobody? I get that. And just being like alone, too. And it's not like I was crying, I was just it wasn't even crying, it was just like tears, just yeah, tears streaming down my face. You're so tired, and it's like a whole thing. Yeah, that's why I always laugh at them. Like, I it takes a lot to embarrass me or gross me out. Yeah. Some dad the other day at baseball was like snotty and he wiped his and he's like, I'm sorry, I'm so sick, I have a tissue, and I was like, it's cool. Nothing could gross me out at this point in my life.

SPEAKER_00 14:46

I think motherhood does that, right? Yeah, like yeah. I mean, especially when you're the act of giving labor, and like I think prior to that, I was very like modest about my body, and I just grew up in a household that we weren't like they didn't want people didn't walk around naked. It wasn't like I mean it's very definite in my household now. But but yeah, I feel like and then I've had a baby, and it's like, well shit, like people have seen like everything, everything you see. I mean, yeah, this blood coming. I mean, everything it's just you know, and so it's kind of like whatever. Anything compared to that is not that big of a deal.

SPEAKER_02 15:15

And that's like in the other day when I was here and I was just changing in your kitchen because I didn't realize Chris was home and he came in.

SPEAKER_00 15:20

I was like, yeah, whatever. And meanwhile, Teddy's standing in his underwear after some style. I think Sioban's coming. And it didn't even matter. No, we're all family, it's fine. Uh so funny.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

I know what you did when you gave birth to the boys, did Chris like watch he dead all of that?

SPEAKER_00 15:38

Yeah. I remember saying prior, I had very different like I thought that I wanted something completely different than I came to want, if that makes sense. Like, I remember being like, just cut me open and take the baby out, right? And yeah, and then I watched the movie The Business of Being. So good. I just recommended that to somebody recently. I recommend it to everyone because it changed everything. And I'm like, you can't unknow things, right? And at that point, then I was like, okay, this is gonna be very different. And I honestly thought, like, I wanted my husband next to my head, I didn't want him seeing that, it was gonna ruin my vagina forever. Never have sex with me ever again. And then you realize, like, oh my gosh, it's okay to be human, right? And it's a beautiful thing. I think it's amazing what our bodies are capable of doing. And yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean, on uh two of my boys, I was actually on my knees when they were born, and their little heads were facing him, and he got to see their heads out, you know, and while I'm facing the wall, and so it happens to be the same position I was in recently, but I had embarrassed. I'm like, is it the same position you were in when you conceived the babies?

SPEAKER_02 16:42

Possibly, but who knows? Oh my god. I mean, yeah, anyone that has not seen that movie, I mean, it's amazing. Yeah, but it really opens your eyes. It totally opens your eyes, I recommend it. I mean, I think I came from a different place because I was born at home. Yeah. All my brothers and my sisters were born at home. It's so different. Yeah. My birth certificate is in my dad's handwriting. Like my dad filled out my birth certificate. Yeah, people always my parents had to finally go get like a seal on it from the state of New Jersey because people will be like, this isn't this is not a real, yeah. It's like torn up. It looks like I was born in the 1920s, basically. That's what that birth certificate looks like. I mean, now that it's in 19 anything, I mean it feels like it's ancient anyway. But that my was we were all born at home, and then my sister had home births, and I I just always knew I wanted to have them at home. George was like, absolutely not. I was just thinking about them at home. I mean, we also lived really far from a hospital at the time, and he was like, What do we do when if something happens? We're an hour away, and you get the car and drive for an hour in an emergency, and I was like, Yeah, I I get it. So I was you know, I respected his concerns totally. So, um, but I ended up with like a great doula. I mean, I just remember the doula being so amazing that if George would try to touch me, I'd be like, just don't just let the doula do it.

SPEAKER_00 17:55

Did you have the same doula for Ilya? And the same experience you felt like you needed the doula and you were locked in and George was irrelevant. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 18:04

So they just know it's like she knew exactly where my back pain was, she knew exactly what I needed to do. She she just it was so good.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

It's interesting because I was I had a doula also, and for Brooks, I needed her. Like I like relied on her. I was so glad she was there. But then when I had Maddox, I didn't want her, I wanted Chris. It was super interesting. Like, I I felt like Chris knew he'd be like he would push my back, he was the one. It's so funny. Yeah, and so when Ashton came, like it was just Chris and I and we we were locked in, he was with me the whole time, and like yeah, I didn't have Adula and I didn't want one. So Maddox and Ashton, you did not have a doula. I did for Maddox, I had one for Brooks and Max, the same lady, and she was lovely, but I just think that after my fear, maybe was out, you know, after having Brooks, and it was like a great delivery and everything. That I was like, I felt like Chris and I had it.

SPEAKER_01 18:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:52

And so I wanted him, not her. It was interesting.

SPEAKER_02 18:55

I think Giacomo's was so hard. Oh, was it? Yeah, that I was like, I don't think I could eat I could ever do it without without Adula. Yeah, it was a labor of 36 hours. Natural too, right? You didn't have Apadura, no. And he was posterior, which I did not know at the time. Oh wow. Yeah, and she said she knew, but she's like, I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to scare you. Totally. So I just remember being like, oh my god, like this is the most horrifically like painful thing ever. Are you kidding me? Like his baby, and because he was posterior, he didn't want to come out, it was super hard. And we drove to the hospital with like the pla the birthing center, and they were like, Well, you're not really far enough along because I guess during the car ride, because it was an hour car ride. Oh, right. They were like, Oh, you know, you're not ready yet. You can either have to take Pitocin or you need to leave. Wow. And I was like, Oh my gosh, I cannot get back in the car. It's ridiculous. For another hour, are you kidding me? No, and the hospital happened to be near where the beach house was, or George's beach house was, but it was winter, so everything's shut down. There's no heat, there's no hot water. There, like you shut it down for the winter, so the pipes don't burst. But that's what we ended up doing. We ended up going to the beach house. George somehow figured out how to get the water on again, and I guess the electricity maybe he got back on to. It was like a little house on the prairie, but there was no hot water. And I remember the duel of like boiling water to like make me a bath. Oh gosh. I would sit in the bath until it would get cold and I'd be like shaking. Oh my gosh. And you labored in the bath. I did not deliver, yeah. I mean, I like lay I didn't deliver though. We went ended up going back to the hospital finally. Yeah. But that was but it was so rough that I was like, I could never do this again. I get that. And then Ilya's was normal labor. But it's funny, I think.

SPEAKER_00 20:35

Did you have back labor with any of the kids? Um, I mean, I definitely I don't know what that means exactly. My kids were never posterior, but I had made massive back. Yeah, I mean, that's what would push on my back and hips and relieve it. So I don't know the difference, but yes, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 20:49

Um, I just feel like I didn't never the back pain was so intense you can't even feel the contractions because the back pain is so bad, like those like a vice on your spine. And then when I was pregnant with Ilia, I was like, oh, like this is what a contraction feels like. I didn't even know what they felt like because it's just constant pain the whole time. So instead of like contraction, no contraction, contraction, like pain, no pain, pain, no pain.

SPEAKER_00 21:12

Maybe that was because it was the position he was in then.

SPEAKER_02 21:14

Well, it's funny, same thing with Ilya with you. I remember I was standing up and I was like standing on the side of the bed, and I just told the nurse, I was like, the baby's coming. And she's like, No, no, no, you're fine. I'm like, no, the baby's coming. And she finally came and checked, she's like, Oh my god, her head's out.

SPEAKER_00 21:25

I was like, I told you the baby was coming out. I know that happened in Mithmatics. They came in and checked me, and the doctor was like, Nope, the doctor walked out, and I knew I knew he was coming too. And then the the nurse caught him with one hand. Yeah, the doctor wasn't all there. You got him totally. But it's so crazy it turned you away. When I went to a birthing center with Ashton, I think mentally I couldn't get too far in labor until I knew I was in a place safe enough to deliver, right? So I got there and they didn't tell me until later, but they're like, We should have sent you home because you weren't dilated. But literally, he was born like out two hours after that point, so I fully dilated and pushed. I think you just need to be somewhere safe.

SPEAKER_02 22:03

And I mean they say that a lot when you're and that's like one of the reasons people like just have a baby at home. By the time they're like, okay, you're what are the contractions are what a minute long and how far apart or a minute apart? A minute apart, maybe. And then you get in the car and your body's like, well, I'm not comfortable here. But I'm not gonna do that. Totally. I remember being in so much pain, I couldn't even sit in the car. I drove for an hour on a parkway on my knees in the front seat, backwards, hugging a seat. I can't imagine.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

I was like, well, this is safer? Seriously, this is safer at home. I'm like, that's actually true. That's crazy. That's crazy. I know that the guitar is like awful.

SPEAKER_02 22:37

Anyway, those experiences I think make you realize this is true.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

I had a good one though. Maybe like, I don't know, five to ten years ago now. I decided to order like a bondage kit or something. So I think I ordered it on like Amazon or something stupid. I don't know why. Top tier bondage kits on Amazon, right? I think I'd be wiser. But anyways, I ordered this thing and I'm like, where is it? It didn't come. Oh no. And so I realized that I accidentally said it was Chris's sister. No, you didn't. Yeah, which thankfully was Chris's sister and not like my parents or something. Like, I was so grateful that it was her. Did it have your name on it or it went to her name? No, no, it had my name on it. So did she ever call you? She opened it, but I ended up calling her. I was like so impressed. I was like, I just have to own it, right? Like, what am I gonna do? And what did she say? Uh I don't remember if I left her. I sent something your house that I meant to send to me. And she was like, oh my gosh, we thought maybe it was a joke. I'm like, no. You're like, no, that's my life. It's not a joke. But I was like, well, you can just keep it at this point. I'll just give it myself with different one. So I don't know what she ever thought of that. I never asked. But oh my god, that is so funny. I was just so grateful it wasn't like my parents were somebody like awful, right? I was like, at least like she's like 10 years younger than Chris, and like of all the people of the family I can sign it to, it's probably the best person.

SPEAKER_02 24:18

But at one year, not on purpose. Ilya was tiny, and she would always come out like the weirdest Halloween costumes, and you know I'm like such a nerd. I'm like, I'll make it a costume in all your free time. Yeah, and all my free time. I don't know. I'm not saying I'm a good Halloween costume maker, they last one night and one night only, but they look cute. She's like, I want to be a pink box. I'm like, okay. So we bought like, you know, a leotard and bought all this fur and attached it all and made the whole outfit. And I was like, oh, she needs a really cute tail. So I go on Amazon, I order like a cute pink long furry boxtail, and it comes in the mail, and I go to open it, and I'm like, oh my god. It was a butt plug. It was a boxtail. It was a butt plug. And I was like, come on, Amazon.

SPEAKER_00 25:03

Really? I mean the fact that you can buy a butt plug on Amazon. It's a boxtail butt plug. You can buy anything on Amazon. But the best part of that story, I think, is that you used it, didn't you? Use it. No, I don't mean it's your butt. I mean in elegance costume. I could have thorned it.

SPEAKER_02 25:25

You made it enangled it. I couldn't bring myself to do it. At one point I was like, I can't save this. I was like, no. No. Oh my gosh. Oh yeah. Weird things that you can actually buy.

SPEAKER_00 25:45

It's amazing. I mean seriously can buy anything wild.

SPEAKER_02 25:52

I think it's like they're all disguised as weird names because I can't really Do they sell like dildos and and vibrators and things?

SPEAKER_00 25:59

Vibrators are probably. I think so. I don't know actually for sure. I've only purchased this.

unknown 26:06

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 26:07

Like I know Goop has, but I don't know. I know Amazon has. But I think they do. Maybe not, but I feel like I've run across, I've like searched for something weird and like you not like that weird, but like something stupid, and you come up with like these weird things. So I feel like they do. I don't know what to look after. You guys can report.

SPEAKER_02 26:23

Yeah, see what we can find.

SPEAKER_00 26:24

But I have way too many addresses in my Amazon, so I literally can't buy it.

SPEAKER_02 26:28

Mine for some reason is stuck on George's. And every time I go to buy something, it's on. I was like, how do I change his default address? Because something's gonna go to him that's just that guy. Right, exactly. So that's the thing. I can't order anything.

SPEAKER_00 26:37

It only opens every package that comes to the door. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:40

No.

SPEAKER_00 26:41

That's the everything. Chris had ordered some things uh recently and my parents were in town, so he's like, just be on the lookout. I'm like, they will not open anything with your name on it, luckily. So it's the funny. Not his. They actually know. Chris has been very like good about I don't know if good is the right word. I have like no privacy with the boys, like there's just never been any, and I don't really require it. But Chris like wouldn't give them the password to his phone, and like he won't, and so no, like if he if they open something with his name on it, they would be like, oh shit, right? So if it was my name, a hundred percent they would open it, but him no they wouldn't. Yeah, so all the bad naughty stuff comes in his lead.

SPEAKER_02 27:18

I don't give the kids the password to my phone either. You know, but they just they're too smart, they just figure it out. And then I think there's like an hour security delay that I can't even change it immediately. You have to wait an hour, and then every time I try to change it, then an hour goes by, I forgot what I was even doing. So the password has not changed. But my WhatsApp also has a password because I feel like any messages or things that I have with people that I don't want anyone to see. And I always use WhatsApp because you know there's no notifications, whatever. But the other day at the house, Illya kept asking because one of the one of her the entrepreneurship group, one of her friends, doesn't have only has a Samsung, so she can't do like FaceTime, whatever. She's like, I need WhatsApp, I can only call her on WhatsApp. Can I get WhatsApp? And she well, Illya has like a phone number with her watch, so I guess I just assumed it would like it was gonna get connected through that. And Michael was trying to help her set it up, and I wasn't paying attention, I was working on something else, and she's like, I need your phone, we have to take a picture of a QR code, and I was like, fine, here, take it, whatever. I didn't realize my WhatsApp, they connected it through the like, I guess you scan the QR code, and whatever phone you scanned it on, that WhatsApp account goes onto that device. So it's super phone. Oh yeah, and the other day she was like, Oh, uh, can I go to Martina's house? And I was like, Yeah, I'll text the dad. Just hang on, you mean? And I was working, so I wasn't really like looking at it, and I don't have notifications on my computer because it distracts me when I'm working. And she was like, Did he write back? And I was like, I don't know, honey, I didn't check, I don't think so. And she's like, Yes, he did, you liar. And I was like, What do you mean? And she's like, he said yes, I can come over. I was like, how do you know? And she was like, I see it in your WhatsApp. And I was like, What? I was like, You mean your WhatsApp? She's like, No, your WhatsApp. I was like, What are you talking about? I was like, give me your iPad. I'm like, Oh, all my messages are in there. And I was like, Oh, just please. Were they things that yes? And how long had she had access to it? I think only a week or so. Like she just put it on there, but do you think she read them all? I mean, because there's some archive chats that are no one should see.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

Do you think she read any of that?

unknown 29:23

I don't think not.

SPEAKER_00 29:24

I don't think so. I feel like she's not like sneaky like that. Yeah. I feel like I don't know, or maybe she is, who knows? You know Ilya better than I do, obviously, but I feel like from what I know of Ilya, if she You're like 100% she's snooping? No, I think if she was snooping, I guess she would sneep a little bit. I think she would lose interest once they were boring, right? But I feel like if she got something good, I feel like she would almost kind of like say something about it. Like she'd probably write back. She'd probably God only knows what Ilya would say.

SPEAKER_02 29:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:56

Oh man. I know. That's that's interesting.

SPEAKER_02 29:59

I was like, absolutely not, Ilya, you cannot have my WhatsApp. And he's like, oh, okay, I didn't know.

SPEAKER_00 30:03

Right. I mean, it's crazy because my boys have access to my phone and I'm very like, I asked them, like, ask before you pick it up because I hate when you just pick it up and start using it. Yeah. But I'm always like cautious because like Brooks will be like, oh, what does Siobhan have to say? And I'm like, especially Siobhan, right? Or even Melissa sometimes. I'm like, I just don't know what's going to be on there. Or Chris for that matter. I'm like 95% of the time it's all good, but every once in a while. But we have friends actually, we were with um we have friends that live in California and they have boys like similar age to our older boys, and both of their kids have walked in on them having sex, like at different times. Oh really? Oh my god, mortifying. Yeah, like not under the blankets, full blown, like like full blown. She said the one time her son walked in and she's like, I almost said the guy's name, I'm not gonna do that. The dad like jumped up and ran to the bathroom, and she's like, and she's like, and my son, like, I don't know what he was thinking, but like he's not that young. Maybe maybe he was 10 at the time. He's just like, he crawls in bed and tries, it's like wants to cuddle with me. I don't know, like, I'm like, oh my gosh, what do I do? Oh my god. I was like, girl, you gotta lock your door. She's like, I know, she's like, I swear we did. Yeah. I don't think the kids have ever walked in or is either, but I'm adamant about locking the door and like a weirdo. Like, I am a freak about locking the door. And I figure, like, maybe there's been like a jiggle of the door before, but I'm not even sure. But I feel like my older boys are like old enough that if they went to jiggle the door and it was locked, they would go away. Where Ashton would bang on the door, you know, like let me in. Oh my god, my kids no, my kids would not walk away.

SPEAKER_02 31:40

Neither of them. Even at this age. No. Oh my gosh, I think mine would. We do. I mean, I guess it's different. I don't have like a man in my house all the time. What would I be in there doing? Would you sneak in some creeper in my room? Like, who would they think I would was with? And it's not like they're thinking about you, like no.

SPEAKER_00 31:55

Yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_02 31:56

I mean, also, you know, our like cute little old beach bungalow house that I don't even have doors don't even shut all the way, they just get stuck. So there's no door locking happening. Zero privacy in general.

SPEAKER_00 32:06

No, none at all. We did vision boards recently, and I didn't even see this on Chris's, but Maddox is like, why do you have great sex on your vision board? Yeah. On yours or Chris's on Chris's. And Chris is like, wow, and you've been married for a long time. Like, that's important. And I was sitting right there. No, no. Maddox is like, okay. Does he regret asking that question? Like, a little bit. Hey, Chris, put that on. I know. It's like that's great.

SPEAKER_02 32:43

Chris clearly doesn't get embarrassed. That's a good thing to put on your vision board. It's fair, actually, yeah. I don't think he does. That is a funny. Like, I wonder if like you compared men and women, like, who gets embarrassed more? Like, do or do you think it's a person by person thing?

SPEAKER_00 32:58

I don't know. I think age would be a bigger factor than sex. That's interesting. Do you think?

SPEAKER_02 33:03

Probably. I mean, I I don't know though. Because if I look at their ages and see look, think about Giacomo compared to Ilya, Giacomo's always been not not em I don't think embarrassed is the right person, but always like doesn't want to stand out. Like if he weren't, if he like showed up to a baseball game and he didn't have the right colored jersey on, he'd be like mortified.

SPEAKER_00 33:22

Oh really?

SPEAKER_02 33:22

Oh yeah. Like doesn't want anyone to look at him, doesn't want to stand out at all, doesn't want, yeah. That's so interesting. I would I would not think which and I've had to have conversations recently because all these boys keep getting in trouble for doing like ridiculous things. Like I guess they were throwing bottles at the Miami Shores park, and then and what happened else recently? Oh, at the Miami Shores carnival, all the boys started pushing each other around at one of the rides, and and then something else happened too. I don't remember, but I started I was I went trying to tell Giacomo, like Giacomo, you're like a full head height bigger than all of your friends. True. I said not only that, you look like you're 17, you're 13, you will get in trouble. Yeah, because they're gonna hold him to a higher standard. Yes, yeah, it's fair. I mean, I catch myself doing it anyway, even because he's so much bigger. I think his teachers sometimes do too. Like a couple of teachers said it's like you know, it's so hard. So I'm like, I forget how young he is. Totally. It's fair. I'm like, you can't act that way. It's true. Because I guess one of the kids got like arrested at that Miami Shores thing. No way, not not one of our guys, no, like a different, different boy group. Um, because I guess they were all pushing each other, whatever, and the cops came over, and one of the kids either tripped over the cop or something, and then he like told the cop, like, you owe me an apology. I'm like, okay, whoa, you someone needs to teach a kid how you have some police officers. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:35

Bad. Oh gosh. That's crazy. I don't feel like my kids they don't act like they get embarrassed, which is interesting. Like, I asked them, like, yeah, they don't act like they get embarrassed in general. But I'm like, they're I know that there's some degree. Like, I can see sometimes, like, like if Maddox is speaking in front of people, like maybe he gets a little bit bred, but his voice is pretty strong and he does like carries himself very well. But I'm like, there's definitely a little bit of it, but I wouldn't, I don't know. But at that age, I was mortified about everything. But I was like very insecure when I was young. No. Were you? No. No, no, so that's not necessarily age, that's just personality.

SPEAKER_02 35:08

Yeah, I don't think so. I mean, Ilya couldn't care less. Ilya the other day was like, Mom, you know, if you're not weird, that means you have no personality and you're just boring. I was like, okay, that's kind of true. I'll take it. All right. So it's actually maybe it's neither. Maybe it's just a space function. She had these pairs, the pants she would wear to skateboard that she was obsessed with. And I at one point the other just had a rip all the way up the butt. Like just a giant hole. I'm like, Ilya, yeah, you can't wear them every day. You have to give me a minute to like. I've tried to sew them myself, it's not working. I need to bring them to a tailor. I have to get somebody to really fix them with patches or whatever. She's like it doesn't matter. I'll just wear a long shirt. Oh my god. I was like, well, if you bend over. She's like, I have underwear on. I'm like, okay, fine. It doesn't really care if you wear the giant rip off the front.

SPEAKER_00 35:48

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 35:49

Or if Doug wants like a teeny tiny stain on his shirt, he's like, I can't wear it. Someone's gonna see it, they're gonna think I'm dirty. I'm like, oh my god. Okay, so it's not gender either.

SPEAKER_03 35:57

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_02 35:59

No, my sister was, I don't think, I don't know if she was like embarrassed, but very shy. And she was the older one, but I remember she wouldn't even like call to order pizza from the pizza place.

SPEAKER_00 36:07

Oh, I used to be like that too. Totally. It's so funny. I was very much like a late bloomer and yeah, super shy and like insecure, really, what it came down to. It was very insecure. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:16

I wonder if that's what it has to do with.

SPEAKER_00 36:18

I think that has everything to do with that. I think that when you're young and you're insecure, you think like people are laughing at you, and it's like you, like you're the worst, you're not like it makes it defines who you are in that moment. And in all reality, when you grow like now, like I know who I am, I'm secure in who I am, and if I do dumb shit, like I do dumb shit, we're all human, right? But that used to define me, and that's the difference.

SPEAKER_02 36:38

That's an interesting take on it, you're right. Yeah, because I think if you're okay with who you are, you know that making mistakes is part of becoming who you are, and it just happens, just happens, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:48

Yeah, it's human, and I think I don't know why that is, right? But I think that uh for so many years I didn't really know who I was or what you know, and I didn't feel like I could just be anybody. Yeah, I felt like I needed to be a certain way, and so then if you're not that way, you're not loved, or you're not enough, or you're not all these big deep-rooted things, right? And so I yeah, I think that's really what it comes down to.

SPEAKER_02 37:10

Like as our kids get older, like how do we how do you instill that and teach them that it is okay to make all these mistakes? It is okay to not be perfect because I think it's harder for kids now than it was for us growing up, and that was another one of these conversations we had where I was like, Jock Mo, I'm not saying I didn't do bad things when I was little, but there was no cameras, no one was recording it, it wasn't living on the internet forever and ever. You could like be a kid and make mistakes and have consequences to those mistakes, but not to the extent that they are now, where your mistakes can haunt you for the rest of your life.

SPEAKER_00 37:42

So true. But you're having those conversations, right? I think that I think first and foremost it's that, right? I think that we, you know, what Chris wrote a book about everything in our lives, and like the boys are not able to read it yet, but like we're very honest about the fact that we've done a lot of stuff, you know, and we make mistakes now, and they're going to, and I think that that's like the biggest thing is just being honest about it. Like they're gonna read that book eventually and get a really in-depth glimpse of Chris's past, and it's not a lot of it's not pretty, right? And that's okay because that didn't define him. Like he is a successful human, he's a wonderful man, and those are the things that define him, and the things that he did didn't, but I don't know, it's hard.

SPEAKER_02 38:20

I think it's important, I guess. Them knowing that we're we we as parents will be there for them when they make those mistakes. And you know, I don't know if you've had I've had this start, had the conversations with Giacomo, you know. Let's hope they're not drinking or doing any of that stuff yet. But telling him, like, you know, no, like because you know, Giacomo the other day went to this concert I told him he couldn't go to. Did I tell you that? No. Yeah, so he that Calvin Harris show that was on the beach, that free show during the UM weekend. Remember that? And that one I let him go to. It was five blocks from our house. Um, it was six o'clock in the evening, and I was like, Yeah, you and your friend can go walk down, you can go check it out, see what it's all about. He comes back, you know, they were there for an hour, they came back, it was still light out, it wasn't you know, it was fine. But then the next day I saw the film of like barricades getting knocked down, people climbing on top of like these giant structures, and it turned into like a bum rushing the stage and things that you are like, okay, well that's dangerous. Totally. So the next day he's like, I want to go to the concert tonight. So it was two nights. I think it was Peso Plumas that was the was the show the next night. And I was like, No, you're not going. Yeah, like you can't go. You do not see what happened. He's like, Yeah, but that happened super late. And I was like, No, you're just just no, you're not going. You're 13. Right. You're not 16, you're 13. Yeah. So he's like, okay, fine. And he was like, kind of like, will you let me go last night? And I was like, I I said, call your dad. I don't know. Maybe maybe I'm being overprotective. I don't know. I don't think that you should go though, but see what your dad thinks. Like, yeah, you know, even though we're not together, I still appreciate his input, whatever. And he's like, Hell no. Yeah. He's like, I wouldn't even let him go last night. I can't believe you let him go last night. And I was like, well, sorry. So I was like, no, you can't go. And then I I left, there was a bunch of people at my house that night. I left, I went to go pick up pizza for everybody. And when I came back, because when I was gone, George was like, You sure you didn't go to the concert? And I was like, I don't think he did. And and then I checked, I could see where his Apple Watch was, and he was over near the concert. Wow. He wasn't in the concert, but he was over near there. And I was like, I called him, I was like, You better get home right now. Like yelling. And he's like, Mom, I didn't go to the concert. I was like, I saw you there. He's like, No, we just went to go see. I didn't go to the concert. And I'm like, oh my gosh. Like, do you really think that that was okay? Or like, are you still too young that you don't get that the that's the same thing. You still went in the vicinity where there could have been danger. I don't care you didn't go in the concert. That's not what I was talking about. Then I'm like, is it boys? Are they that dumb? Or is he just pulling one over on me?

SPEAKER_00 40:42

I don't I think that's in between. I would totally, it's gray area, right? And anytime there's gray area as a kid, you're gonna test your boundary. That's what kids do. They want to see, you know, and like as they're figuring out their independence. I think that's a normal teenage. I mean, I get why you're pissed, and I I think that I would be too, and you know what you do with that. But from his perspective, like, I know it's gray area.

SPEAKER_02 41:02

And the funny thing is at the end of the day, I'm kind of like, whatever, it wasn't that big of a deal. It was more that I said not to go, and he did, and maybe in his mind he didn't really go whatever he thought, but I'm like, you know, I don't really care that much. But sometimes like I feel like you have to discipline them just so they don't do worse things, and hopefully, you know, it bend up not getting into more and more trouble.

SPEAKER_00 41:24

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know either, but I think it goes back to yeah, like first of all, that we're gonna be here and we're gonna pick up the phone and we're gonna bail you out of whatever shit you get yourself into, yeah, first of all, right? And you need to know that you can trust them and they can trust you, and so that's what it really comes down to. I think I would I would maybe discipline just on the basis of you didn't listen to what I said. Right.

SPEAKER_02 41:44

That's more what it was, but but that kind of started this conversation. Like if something were to have happened and you got in trouble, even though you knew oh wait, I'm not really supposed to be here, right? You know, you still always call. Right, totally. If you're out one night, I don't care if you're not drinking, if you're drinking, if your friends are drinking and you're not, but or you're drinking and your friends aren't or anything, like you always call us. Totally.

SPEAKER_01 42:05

Yeah, you always do that.

SPEAKER_02 42:06

I mean, I feel like I would I did that when I was young. Like I was never more afraid of getting in trouble with my parents than I was of like actually being in danger. Like if I ever felt like something was off or I needed help or whatever, I would still would always call my parents.

SPEAKER_00 42:20

My parents told me I could. I don't know that I ever did. Actually, that's not true. One time we ran through a party that was actually in our neighborhood and we were drinking at a party. I was probably sophomore in high school, and we ran to my parents' house and they were having a party, they were hosting a party, and like probably like 10 of us were there in the garage, and my parents like invited us in and went to the bait, told us to go to the basement, and they were like super cool about it. And so, yeah, I think that that was the same thing. That was probably the only time I really like utilized it, but why because the party got out of hand and you left? The cops came. The party was the party was yeah, the cops came, and we all sorry, I thought I started with that, and so we all scattered, and so I diff in this neighborhood, and so yeah, whoever we went there, get away from the cops, yeah. And yeah, my parents were super cool about it, actually, which I appreciate it. And I was drinking and like, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:07

Well, it's like Giacomo and his buddies the other day were at somewhere, and one of the f one of the kids, I guess, was like throwing glass bottles. And this guy called the cops, and Giacomo was telling me the story later, which's funny, a dad friend called me because he happened to be there. He wasn't he wasn't like a dad of any of the kids there, he was dropping his son off doing something else, and and it didn't even register in my head who this guy was. I thought it was some random dude that like Giacomo gave him my phone number to tell me, and I'm like, and not until later I was like, Oh, it was that guy. Like it didn't even click, he was more just telling me, like, hey, just so you know, I thought it was some stranger. I was like, What is happening right now? Yeah. And he's like, the cops can't are here, they're talking to the kids. I apparently the cops were like, dude, don't call us over something this dumb. They're just being kids, and told the kids, like, just don't do that anymore. Yeah, just go. And Jacqueline was like, Well, you know, we could have just ran away from the guy, but so and so, one of his friends, so and so's shoe fell off. So we couldn't run. And I was like, just so you guys know. You can always buy new shoes. If you can run away from a dude who is threatening to call the cops, you run.

SPEAKER_00 44:10

Right.

SPEAKER_02 44:10

You're a kid. You run away. You don't wait to go get your shoe.

SPEAKER_00 44:13

I love that they didn't leave their friend, though. The friend should have left his shoe. 100%. But they didn't leave the friend, which that's admirable. The friend should have the shoe. 100%.

SPEAKER_02 44:22

But yeah, I was like, you guys, you just run. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_00 44:25

And don't throw bottles and do stupid shit in the first place. But they will. The thing is, they will.

SPEAKER_02 44:29

They're boys too. They're dumb. Yeah. Apparently they were playing ding dong ditch the other day in the neighborhood, and some guy ran out and was chasing Giacomo and was like, I'm gonna fucking beat your ass. And Giacomo was like, I had to juke him and run away. And I was like, Giacomo. That's super heartless though, right? It is, but I was like, honey, you never know. People are we live in Miami, we live somewhere where everybody has guns. Totally, 100%. I was like, and you never know. This poor guy, maybe the neighborhood kids have been ringing his doorbell every day for a month and you have no idea because you don't live here. Yeah, that's fair.

SPEAKER_00 45:02

I was like, if maybe you're sick of it. Yeah. Yeah, totally. That that is the biggest issue, is the fact that everyone has guns here. That's why I've explained too. I'm like, Brooks wants to like flick people off when they're driving stupid. And I'm like, well, you just stop. I'm like, it's not worth like someone pulling a gun on us for. No, you can't do that. Really? You can't. And but he's like, it's no big deal, but I'm like, you don't know that.

SPEAKER_02 45:22

The hard way. And so I'm gonna tell him again, I'm like, Jacqueline, you look like you're 17. You look like a ding-dong 17-year-old who's playing ding dong ditch.

SPEAKER_00 45:28

Right. Who's not going to juvey you're going to the real. Yes. You're going to the big house. Yes! Like, just don't do that. Yeah, but it's gonna happen. I mean, I did dumb shit too. Just different to mother it than to be it, you know, like you're so invincible when you're young.

SPEAKER_02 45:42

And I always think with boys too, it's like they get bites, they're super physical. Like, I mean, we're girls and we were like fist fighting each other. I almost gotten one physical fight once.

SPEAKER_00 45:54

I don't imagine that this girl, yeah. But that was it. But yeah, that's gonna- I mean, Chris gotten a million bites, right?

SPEAKER_02 46:02

Yeah, but like I feel like I know some kids that got in really bad fights, and one kid got hit in the head with like a two by four and is like mentally handicapped.

SPEAKER_00 46:10

Uh a kid in uh college actually died because somebody hit him with a broken bottle in a bar. Bar fight. Things happen. Things happen.

SPEAKER_02 46:18

But anyway, going back to the being embarrassed thing, and now we got off topic, I just think I guess most importantly is letting our kids know, like, no matter what they do, no matter how dumb it is, no matter how embarrassed they get, you know, hopefully they know we'll still be there for them and they're allowed to make mistakes.

SPEAKER_00 46:32

Totally. It's so true. And you realize that your mistakes are not most of them, 90% of your mistakes are just you learn from them, right? It's the big ones that you worry about. Well, next time. I know. Alright, well, this is fun.

SPEAKER_02 46:44

Alright. Until next time. Until next time. Same place. Same time, same place, same nonsense.

SPEAKER_03 46:52

Don't tell the kids.

SPEAKER_00 46:55

Thank you so much for hanging out with us today. We're really glad you're here. You can follow the podcast on Apple and Spotify, and we're on social at don't tell the kids with a bunch of underscores. Hang in there, mamas. See you next week.