Don’t tell the kids… we have no idea how to teach consent

This conversation started light… and then got real.

Because once you actually think about consent today — not just the idea of it, but what it looks like with phones, Snapchat, alcohol, all of it…

It’s not simple.

It’s layered, it’s messy, and honestly… it’s a little scary when you’re raising boys in it.

We didn’t solve anything — but we talked about it.

Don’t tell the kids.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:06

Need a break from your endless to-do list? Welcome to Don't Tell the Kids. We're two busy moms sharing the real, messy, funny conversations about life and motherhood. I'm Mel, mom of three, wellness nerd, an entrepreneur, figuring it out as I go.

SPEAKER_00 0:21

And I'm Siobhan, single mom of two, usually barefoot, and always saying yes to life. No advice, just honest conversations on and off the mic. So grab your coffee, hide out in your car, and don't tell the kids.

SPEAKER_02 0:39

Okay. Let's talk about sex, baby.

SPEAKER_03 0:43

That's a great one.

SPEAKER_02 0:44

Oh my god, when I first bought that soundtrack, oh my god. Wait, soundtrack? What movie is it a soundtrack for? Sorry, the soundtrack's the wrong word. Album? The album, yes. I was, I don't know, like young, right? I mean, older than you. But I had to be I had to be. I was going to be 80 or 82, right? Yeah. Anyway, my dad took me to like the store in the mall.

SPEAKER_03 1:09

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 1:10

And I was like trying to pull fast one on him, and like did he get you? Well, I told him I was like, Can I get who sing who just sings like this? I can't remember. I don't either. Okay, well, I was like, Can I I really want this artist's album? And my dad's like, okay. And then they they like hand it over to the CD. Yeah. It has the explicit thing on it on the front, remember? It literally also had like the number one hits, let's talk about sex on the front.

SPEAKER_01 1:39

Well, see like, no, put it back and he let you buy it. He totally let me buy it.

SPEAKER_02 1:42

He like read it and looked at me and then just paid for it. And I'm like, how old were you? That's a great question. I feel like my memories are super blurry when it comes to age.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

Like I was somewhere I feel like I'm always like, oh, I was in this grade. That's how I always know. I was in this grade or this school, like this Yeah, that's fair. Like I probably couldn't tell you the difference between seventh and eighth grade, but I knew I was at Arthur and middle school. Yeah. I was probably fifth or sixth grade. Like 11-ish.

unknown 2:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

Yeah. I mean, which kind of ties into what we're talking about today with the boys and 13-year-old, 11, and then Ashton is eight or nine now. Eight.

SPEAKER_02 2:23

I want to sex you up. Sorry. It's even worse. I'm gonna sex you up. Okay, now that I have that off my chest, we can move on.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

I feel like that it gets even worse. Yeah, it totally was. But I mean, sometimes in the car, obviously the boys, like, you know, and my kids want to listen to songs, where I'm like, this is so inappropriate.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Totally.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

Like, you can't you can't listen to this. I'm like, or just listen to it on your own. The fact you think you're allowed to listen to that in front of me, like, absolutely not. That's but then think about the songs that we used to listen to. One that's like my neck, my back. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:57

Like my brother's in the t-shirt. Yeah. Oh my gosh, I had every blowdog buddy, I had every every word memorized. And my little cassette player, and I would be walking around on my Walkman and learn the learn the lyrics.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

That was the best.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

Oh my god, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:14

But I know. Remember how exciting like it was when they started putting lyrics on like the inside of the tape covers?

SPEAKER_02 3:19

Oh my gosh, I forgot.

SPEAKER_00 3:20

And the inside of the CD covers. Which I need that because I'm very challenged. Oh, I remember like listening to writing it down, listening, like writing out all the lyrics. Oh my god, yeah. That's intense. I know. But going back to you can tell the funny story about a kid in your car or like your son in my car yesterday.

SPEAKER_02 3:40

So yeah, I uh so I pick up the boys yesterday, and I went to high school middle school. I keep saying high school, like our kids are in high school, I think. It's big though, I think. I know. Anyway, so I pick up the the 13-year-old seventh graders, and I have my son and your son and one other boy in the car. And um anyway, the first like 10 minutes was just purely Brooks and I fighting about whether or not he had to go to school. So there was that. The other boy's like, oh my god. Oh my gosh, they were like super quiet and it's awkward, and I was like, everybody wants to get out of his car right now. Anyway, but then we pick up our younger kids, and Maddox is 11 and Ashton is eight, right? And they're in the way back, luckily. So the boys start talking about girls, and they were talking about like some girl, and and so I asked, I don't know, I don't know that I should say his name because I don't know his mom. Anyway, I asked him, is like, is that your girlfriend? And he was like, No, no, and he tells me a story about it. And then I asked Giacomo, like, are you still dating the same girl? And he said, No. He's like, Um, we're just friends with benefits, and no idea what that even means. I could tell. I was like, Chris and Brooks actually looks at me and was like, What does that mean? And so I whispered to him, like, I'll tell you later, not in this car. And something was fed in the back seat, and I was like, that is not to be talking about right now. Like Ashkin's in the car, you know? And then Giacomo was like, Oh my gosh, that's not what I meant. He's like, I didn't I didn't I didn't mean that. And I looked back and you could tell he was so embarrassed, and like he like turned red. I said to him, I was like, Oh buddy, you look embarrassed. I was like, Don't worry, I didn't think that you meant anything by it. But they didn't even know what it meant, right? But it was so it was so like sweet and innocent, but I don't know where they kicked like that.

SPEAKER_00 5:21

And I guess I'm just thinking in that grade, I don't know what does that mean.

SPEAKER_02 5:24

Yeah, seventh grade. I actually wondered that too. Like, what is it's probably like you hang out and you're cool, we don't have to be like the boyfriend girlfriend thing. Maybe.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

I mean, the crazy thing is, as you do also, because they're mutual friends, you know. Can we had this conversation with so many of our like the husbands and dad friends? So many of them were having sex when they were like 12 years old.

SPEAKER_02 5:44

Oh not our boys, but the the older guys that we know that yeah, I know. Scary. Too much little, they're like little boys. I mean, they're growing into teenagers for sure, but I I'm sure they have no clue what they're doing. I'm sure they have zero clue whatsoever. But do you think that our friends did when they were 13? No. I was a late Bloomerlow, so I know like in the middle school there was one kid actually who I swear like everyone gave a hand job to. And like he was a year older, and like he definitely messed around a lot in middle school. But beyond that, I felt like middle school was pretty PC.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

It was high school that things like really I feel like I maybe let a boy like touch my boobs during science class, like when we were watching a movie in seventh or eighth grade. That no, Saturday. I mean, he had touched whatever was there. I don't know how booby they were, still don't have a lot of boobs.

SPEAKER_02 6:39

I remember waiting for mine every summer, like it's gonna be the summer. Mine just never came.

SPEAKER_00 6:45

But I mean, it's funny because I feel like the kids have so much more access now than we did. For sure. I mean, I remember my parents, one of my dad's friends had like on their TV, whatever that channel was, like Playboy channel, but it was all like jumpy, and you couldn't, but we would go over there and all the parents would like be partying and hanging out, and the kids we would just sit in this one room and like watch the jumpy Playboy channel, just trying to catch a glimpse of something. They just had it on in the house. I don't think they they didn't have the channel, but remember it was kind of like static y and you could like sort of see things and sort of couldn't. No? You don't remember that?

unknown 7:22

No.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

Oh yeah, we would watch it like just hoping to catch a glimpse of like a boob or a butt or something like that. Oh, I totally used to watch like Skinemax, but like like yeah. But now they have such access to it. But I've been talking to like a couple mom friends of mine who have high schoolers, and they're like, Yeah, but it's different. She's like, My son is such an idiot, and I just keep thinking it's because he's not having sex. These kids need to go and have sex and get out their aggression, get all their sexual energy out because they're not, it's like their relationships are completely different, and it's because of the phones, obviously.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

Yeah, like the way they connect and the way I mean, maybe, but that brings up a whole nother thing because when I was out in California months ago, there was a group of women and they were talking because they had all had high school boys, and they were like, the biggest thing right now is consent, and they're like, No, it's such an issue. Like they had multiple stories, it and their kids went to different schools about kids who were accused of things, and essentially they said in California, at least if if the girl is drinking alcohol, automatically it does it mean that she did not give consent. So think about that. Any party that your son hooks up with a girl, automatically he is wrong.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

Oh my god, I feel like at that age, the only way I would have hooked up with someone is if I had a drink because you're so nervous. Like, I have no chance. I feel like even now, I'm 44.

SPEAKER_01 8:41

I still do that. You had to be drunk before this happened, right? Wow. I was like, that was terrifying. I'm like, how do we even do it? Like, how do you even prepare them for that? And how are they supposed to say there's consent?

SPEAKER_00 8:55

Selfie video of both of them. Do you want to do this? Yes, okay, yes, let's do it. So you have proof. We had to take the moment. I know.

SPEAKER_02 9:06

I don't know. What did they say? So what do they do then? Well, they said one one mom actually said that um they found an someone, I don't know who this person is, but who is educated in a matter and it's basically like arranged for the kids, the boys to all be with this woman who explained all of it and how to basically get consent. But they're like, but the kids don't want that, the mom's all that. Yeah, so they just organized the house. How does someone come over and explain it all?

SPEAKER_00 9:35

So, what's the explanation? Did they tell you?

SPEAKER_02 9:37

I want to know. All I know is you're pretty much sure the boys are gonna do that. Like it happens all the time. And I was tired of that because I didn't know a couple like a year ago, and they decided the same thing. He was like playing as a role in a boss or something, but like on scholarship, and there was an accusation, and the guy knows at school. I don't know what's going on, you know what I mean? I don't pay attention to it, but it was automatically uh presumed guilty.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

All right, so what well on that topic of consent, do you have any times that you remember, like high school, college, like the next day or later thinking back and being like, huh, that what didn't feel right?

SPEAKER_02 10:27

Personally, no, but I had good friends who did. Really? Like what? Um actually my friend who's coming to visit, she said she I think she actually slept with a guy. She was pretty messed up, she was pretty drunk, and so in the morning she was kind of like, did we? Did we not have sex? Like, did I like did I get prevent? Like, yeah, she was like so wasted that he probably shouldn't have. And I think she's like, I have like very little memory of it. She wasn't even sure she slept with it. But it's like there is gray area, right? I know. But I don't know, just I mean it's hard.

SPEAKER_00 11:01

Because well, yeah, I think there was a time once I'd be in college, and I knew the guy, I think I was dating him, but I didn't want I don't remember. I remember thinking all of a sudden, like, what's happening? Like, what's happening right now? I know. No, no, I mean it I know it's tough because it's like I mean, I have a daughter.

SPEAKER_02 11:24

You have a daughter and a son, which is interesting. I know.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

And I I don't know, I I don't know. Obviously, it's like there's risks if you're drinking and you're not in control of your thoughts and your you know body and everything, like it's just another reason not to drink, but is that really inevitable?

SPEAKER_02 11:44

I mean, it is another reason not to drink, and I don't think I put this on the right setting. It doesn't matter. Okay, um, it is definitely a reason not to drink, and can you expect the kids not to? I mean, I drank. Did you drink in high school?

SPEAKER_00 11:59

Yeah, but I never really liked to drink. No, no, I and I I never liked that feeling of not being like in control, so I didn't have a couple drinks. So that's why I didn't like beer, I didn't like wine. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:10

I drank plenty.

SPEAKER_00 12:11

I think I drank not more even in college. I never was on a campus. It's not like I was going to frat parties or going to big college parties. Like my sister was older. I lived in an apartment in the city, and I would go out. I mean, it's not like I wouldn't go out, but I just never never. So I shouldn't say never. Of course, I I mean, I do remember one time being like thinking I was gonna die. I went to like a Japanese restaurant with a bunch of friends, made a ton of sushi, and I have no idea why we were drinking Southern Comfort. You weren't drinking sake? I thought for sure we were in Sushi. No, don't really know. No, actually, I think we did drink sake, and then we went to a strip club. I think it was called Wizards in Philadelphia. I wonder if that still exists. I would love to look that up in like West Philly, and I think that's where we were drinking Southern Comfort, and I remember being cold, it was winter, and going back to my friend's apartment, a bunch of people there, and I was just out on the fire escape, like shivering and wanting to die. Yeah, I think it was like vomiting like off of the balcony. Ugh. And I still remember being like, Why? Like, it's like I mean, even now I drink every now and then, but I never am like you never overdo it.

SPEAKER_02 13:12

No, I did for years, but I was always the next day puper so I could I could handle it the day the night of so I would get strong day. I would literally be a fetal position like all day. Oh but I got yeah, go ahead. I got like Lucy once, which was super scary. No way, yeah, for sure. We um went to this, we went to a club actually that Chris Christmas a nightclub promoted in college, right? He made a ton of money. Of course he was. So great, of course he was. And so we went to one of his parties, and like my my bestie that I went to high school with and went to college together. We went up to the bar and somebody gave us shots. And interestingly, she was fine, but I took the shot and I don't think we were drinking before, but if so, like very minimal. Yeah, and I remember like being so messed up that I was just like, something is wrong with me, but I didn't even really like I don't know, you can't you couldn't think I couldn't think straight. So I go to the bathroom. Yes, but I didn't tell anybody, which is really stupid. I go to the bathroom by myself, and I just I remember being like, I have to get out of here, and so I left the bar by myself. I remember falling when I was trying to get a taxi. I ended up falling down. I end up somehow in a taxi, and I remember like a little bit, and thank god, like I could have been raped a million times. I was like so blessed, and the guy got me back to my sorority house, and they found me like literally butt naked on the first floor of our the bathroom in our first floor of our sorority house. Like I had shit myself, like yeah, like I mean, not like crazy, but yes, like I was so messed up.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

That is so scary.

SPEAKER_02 14:44

It was so scary, but I'm so lucky it's like you know, a million things.

SPEAKER_00 14:48

I think it's one of those things too, like tell your kids, like, tell someone. I know because obviously it's somebody we were like, Oh man, I'm so drunk, I'm so embarrassed, I gotta get out of here. I don't want anyone to see me like this. Just like not the thing to do. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 14:58

That's what Chris was like. I can't believe you wouldn't tell me. And my friend Brooke was like, Yeah, they were like looking for me, no one knew where I went, and they were like, I don't know, I think they might have called the police. Like it was, yeah, like a thing. Like, I knew that I went. But I got home. I was I mean definitely, you know, angels were with me that night, but scary as shit.

SPEAKER_00 15:17

And it was just me. I just happened to get the one that like had whatever in it. I remember coming home one night, being out, and a girl, I lived with three girls, one of the girls. Um, there was a game. Did you guys ever play this game? I never did because I didn't drink beer, but they were called Edward 40 Hands. Oh, people would tape 40s to their hands and you could oh gosh, I never played that. I did not either. I remember friends of mine started out the night like that, and I went out maybe I mean so I was eating George when I was in college too, so a lot of times I would just be out with Pim and whatever, I never liked getting caught that much. And I remember coming back and walking into the apartment, and like the door was open, the apartment wide open. Stuff everywhere, like chairs flipped over, clothes all over the place, and I was like, Oh my god, like where it and I was like, I won't say this friend's name, but I'm like looking for her. I'm like, oh my god, where is she? She said she was home. It's like someone must have come in here and like kidnapped her. Like, where could not find her anywhere? Finally, go in the bathroom. The shower curtains ripped off the shower curtain, like ceiling, and just it was I finally realized she was in the bathtub, wrapped in the shower curtain that had been ripped off of. I was like, why? Why does anyone terrified? I thought she was like literally, I thought somebody came to our apartment, ransacked it, and like kidnapped her. Was she just drunk or was she drunk? I think just drunk, just drunk. I was out recently with mom friends, and we were at OR, all hanging out, totally normal. Not no one was like insanely drunk or anything. Had a couple drinks down at Smith and Walinsky, on the one uh down the water. And we go to leave, and we leave Smith and Walinsky, and we start walking through the park, and all of a sudden she's like, I can't walk. Like, I can't. We had to like hold her up. She fell over. She's like, like she was she's like someone had had to have put something in the yeah. I was so bad I we couldn't even walk and get her home. I had to go walk and get my car. Oh my god. Drive back, put her in my car, drive back to her house. And I was like, this is the craziest thing ever. And I ran to another mom friend the other day. She was out for her birthday, and she was like, I had three drinks. I don't know what happened. Wow. I know. So I feel like it's not an uncommon occurrence. I don't know. At this age, I feel like someone younger and younger. I don't know. That's wild. I know. So it definitely happens, but it's like, what do you what do you tell the girls?

unknown 17:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:57

It also happened to boys, but obviously it's not as common. And then to your point earlier, like what does consent look like? How do you know, especially if they're drinking too? Like if two parties are drinking, everyone's decision-making abilities have been lowered. Totally. So it's not, you know, I'm not saying it doesn't happen where someone's sober and they're doing something awful to someone who's not sober. But especially in a college setting where everyone's drinking. Like, how are you then, how are the boys then expected to make those kinds of decisions when they also are incapacitated, intoxicated, all those things?

SPEAKER_02 18:35

I mean, I don't know. And I don't know what you tell your boys because unfortunately they're the ones, right? It's like they're the ones that will be guilty. I don't know. It's scary. I mean, in college, there used to be people who would actually uh girls, there's this one sorority that would take GHB to GHB, yeah, yeah, which basically is like a roofie, yeah. And they would take it themselves and like pass out, like they'd go into like g-holes and like on purpose? I mean, no, but I think GHB you take a little bit too much and you like pass out. Uh and it's crazy, but that was like back in the day, it's like if someone was conscious, you essentially had consent on yes, right? Like it was like pretty clear lines, conscious or unconscious. Exactly. Unless you're like absolutely screaming no and like unconscious, it was pretty much you didn't really have to worry about it. But apparently in today's climate, it's so different. So I don't know, it's scary having three boys, and like that, yeah, I don't even know what you tell them.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

I think everything is so different when we tell them what they're allowed to do because there's phones and recordings of everything. That's true too. And you're texting everything, like everything you say and do. I mean, even in Ilya's little fifth-grade group chat, there's some things where I'm like, um Ilya, you need to tell your friends that they're that their friends' parents read these. 100%. No, that's 100%. And then like, where do you step in? Not so much. I should, but I haven't. It there it is mind-numbing. Like, if I ever go in there, it's like some kid spam texting over and over an emoji of something. Yeah, yeah. And then then brah brah brah brah brah brah. Like literally just spam text. It's not like anyone's having conversations, but there's definitely like bad words, yeah, kids cursing, inappropriate emojis, where I'm like, where are they learning this? Getting like eggplants, yeah, and like finger hole squirty. Oh wow.

unknown 20:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:25

But I'm like, oh, how do you know what that is?

SPEAKER_00 20:28

I was so naive. Like, it's but but the question also, do they know what it is? Even have they just seen someone else do it and they're like, oh, that's funny. Right. Like, do the does the kid really like does he know what an orgasm is? Does he really like who knows?

SPEAKER_02 20:43

That's fair. And the kids who have older siblings, like faster, like Ashton, unfortunately, is gonna learn fast.

SPEAKER_00 20:50

You know, like this is the way it is. Like, oh god, I don't know. Yeah, I don't, but then the question is, do you like tell the kid's parents, like, hey, just so you know, your kids texting this kind of stuff? Like, I don't care, but do you want to talk to them? No, no, but it can't it happened recently, and that's kind of why I'm like, do I say anything to this parent? Like, especially because she's you know, I'm friends with her, but not like super close friends. Like, if it was Maddox, I'd be like Melanie. I'd say I'm Maddox 100%.

SPEAKER_02 21:21

But it is interesting. Like, if I think about it, would I want someone that I'm not friendly with to tell me? I guess. I mean, I should because I wouldn't want to know, and it would just be uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 21:30

But I guess, yes, I would still rather I would always want to know because I think it's like you're you more importantly than some the parents saw it. The the hard parts over, the dirty parts done, right? The part the parents saw it, right? You already saw your kids in the nasty messages. Wouldn't you rather have them tell you and then you can tell your kids? Like I just like reinforcing this conversation about the idea that almost everything you do now will be there for a very long time. So true. Text messages, videos, pictures, Instagram, like yeah, everything. I mean I've had the

SPEAKER_02 22:00

Convers we had the conversation at Brooks about like not sending dick pics ever did have the conversation because you had told us about the kid who sadly multiple kids, yeah. I didn't know it was multiple, but yeah, we had conversations. I just told them I was like, first of all, you don't want to who you're talking to on the internet, like don't do it, don't talk to people you don't know, like it could be anybody, and and secondly, just as a rule of thumb, don't ever send private pictures online because you don't know what you know, like they're just out there.

SPEAKER_01 22:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:25

I mean, someone was just saying in the car yesterday about their FaceTiming with a girl, and a girl screenshot it and then posted it on Instagram and said what? I have no idea, but I'm like, that's super invasive too. I would never even like think that. Yeah. I don't know. But anytime you put yourself out there, I guess you're vulnerable to it.

SPEAKER_00 22:44

And I don't know. Do you have Snapchat? I don't even know how Snapchat works.

SPEAKER_02 22:47

I had Snapchat for like a hot minute years and years ago when we lived in Chicago because everyone was using it, and my friends, and I was like, this is so stupid.

SPEAKER_00 22:54

And I don't even know how it works.

SPEAKER_02 22:55

Literally, like it would be like I would snap you a picture with like a snap you picture of me doing whatever with like a little like, hey, what are you doing? But like that's how they communicate. That's like I know that's what I've heard.

SPEAKER_00 23:06

Yeah, like literally But then don't the messages disappear afterwards?

SPEAKER_02 23:10

They disappear, yes. However, they don't really, really disappear, right?

SPEAKER_00 23:14

Like if if Can you take screenshots of Snapchat?

SPEAKER_02 23:17

Yes, you can take screenshots of Snapchat. So you know that Raya app, you can't take screenshots. Oh, they won't let you. Smart. That's what they should do in Snapchat. But also, you know, they disappear, but if it were ever like a legal case, they're really gone. I'm sure, right? So there's also that, like that the idea that they disappear is very scary to me because then kids get very brave because they're like, it's gone.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

It's all gone. It's never gone. Well, especially because you can screenshot something and it's never gone. Totally. And then and yeah. But I guess like my you know, the question is whoever, you know, created Snapchat and there's all these talks now, Facebook, Instagram, you know, all these platforms that they're like, they they they know what they're doing is bad for kids. Yeah, they know it's addictive, they know it can be dangerous. So what other purpose why would you have an app the messages disappear? Like, what's the point? They all know it's happening. Totally. There's an Instagram account called Scrolling to Death. Have you ever seen it?

SPEAKER_02 24:14

Oh wait, I think you sent me something about that.

SPEAKER_00 24:15

Yeah, yeah. And it's a young I don't know if she has kids. Maybe she does have kids, like younger mom, and she has all sorts of people on the podcast. She has a podcast too. All sorts of people in this podcast, like mothers whose children have committed suicide, and you know, teachers, and all just it's super interesting, and she's like, you know, involved with trying to get like laws changed and things like that, but it's scary. It's scary.

SPEAKER_02 24:37

Yeah, you know, it's interesting though, because I'm always reminded that like every generation this happens, right? Yeah, it's like our parents, it was like different times than than our grandparents. Yeah, it's just progressively going to them, the world continues to move faster. And so I don't know. I think every generation you have to figure out like how to navigate it and what to do, and it and it seems always more terrifying, and it probably is.

SPEAKER_00 24:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:00

But I don't know, I don't think there's any avoiding that.

SPEAKER_00 25:03

But I guess the question is like, I feel like the speed in which things are changing is happening so fast. Think of like what everyone says in five years what AI is gonna be. It's not like it's been like, oh, it started in the 60s and we're finally here. And it's like every year you're like, oh my things are like compounding and getting so much more complicated and advanced that I don't know. How do you how do you protect and it and I don't ever even really think it's like how do you protect the kids? Like, how do we stay up with educating them on what's how to be safe? I think I clearly I don't even know how to use Snapchat. How do I teach my kids how to safely use it if I don't even know? I'll teach you how to use it, like, but then how do you educate them on how to use it safely?

SPEAKER_02 25:42

I think exactly what we're doing. I think it is only all we can do is have an open and auto conversation to them, right? Yeah, and like be really transparent of these sort of things and don't do these things, and then you know, you hope that they don't. And if you do and you get yourself in a pickle, like please come to me, we'll figure it out.

SPEAKER_00 25:57

Like, yeah, we always have that conversation, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:59

Because I think that that's so important. Yeah, but I don't I don't know. I mean, nobody has all the answers, right? We're definitely not supposed to, and the kids are navigating it too on their own, and I think it's constantly changing. It's like, and then and on the other side, there are really good things that have come from it. Like, I think the fact that by the time our kids drive, they'll probably have so many driving drive drive driverless cars. Oh my gosh. That I'm like, that's kind of awesome. Have you seen them on the road? Yes, 100%. And I'm like, it's so cool because I'm like, okay, there's no reason to ever drink and drive. Like, that was my parents' biggest concern. Yeah, don't drink and drive and drop. Yeah, you're right. There's no reason to ever do that, right? In a city where transportation options, and so you have a car without a driver, like, that's amazing, right? I know. So I don't know, I think that there's some good things about the way that technology moves so fast, and there's a lot of negatives, and I think that it's just like, yeah, have real conversations about the hard shit that they're gonna do with.

SPEAKER_00 26:51

I mean, I always tell Jack one like Jacqueline, every text you send, imagine that whoever you're sending it to, their parents also seeing it. Yeah. I was like, so just be mindful. Like anything you would not want Melanie or Melissa to see, yeah, don't send it. And or that they could screenshot and then put on social media. Yeah. So there's that too. Which unfortunately, like happens. So did that, did the kid that got that had a screenshot take it and the girl posted it? Was he mad? He didn't seem mad. He just was kind of like, Why would she do that?

SPEAKER_02 27:21

Yeah. I think more just kind of like and it started then conversations that they are like dating, and he didn't want all the conversations about it. I think more than anything, it was like annoying to him because then his friends were like busting his balls over it.

SPEAKER_00 27:34

Yeah. Yeah, I don't I couldn't even imagine if any of those kids in their class in their grade level are doing anything besides maybe kissing. I agree. Right? Yes. I mean unless we're so far like removed and we but where and when? They don't even like hang out alone together. I think we would hear whispers of things, right?

SPEAKER_02 27:56

Yeah. I'm sure there was like, you know, there might be kissing, there might be a little like boob grabbing, but I'm sure that's how we've graduated too. Although it's gonna be a whole other world, right? Like we're in this very like small, you know, whatever it private school doesn't make it protected by any means. Yeah. I think actually growing up, the private school really did all the like drugs and everything way more than our public school did. Yeah. But still, I do think that it's a really sweet culture, and it's like, I don't know, I would like to think that they're a little bit more protected. Yeah, but open the floodgates because high school's gonna happen soon. I know. I mean it's inevitable. Just don't get anybody pregnant. Well, that and don't get accused of rape. Yeah, that might be worse. That's just not funny at all, but like that's what we're dealing with. I know. All right, that sounds so heavy. I know. Go pick up our kids. Yeah, let's go pick up kids for kids. If anyone has any answers, I'm gonna navigate this topic though. I know it's super interesting to have because the if you have older kids. Yeah, yeah. Hey, can they listen? I do too. Nothing.

SPEAKER_00 28:59

Not the answer. All right, till next time. All right.

SPEAKER_02 29:05

Thank you so much for hanging out with us today. We're really glad you're here. You can follow the podcast on Apple and Spotify, and we're on social at Don't Tell the Kids with a bunch of underscores. Hang in there, Mamas. See you next week.