Mother Dearest?

This episode is LONG! for good reason, we explore Bee's childhood. Buckle up, pour one, and get comfy!

Hold My Bee is two friends and some guest stars talking about the unbelievable things happening in their lives. Think of this as a form of therapy, for us at least, drinks will be shared, songs may be sung, and for the most part, the sarcasm is heavy.

Spotify Playlist:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1EqKVvN67VXuLREByvZBxG?si=dYLfvBQ9Rseoz_XKaCBRgA

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The Swarm: https://thebeeswarm.myshopify.com/

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:04

Hey. Hi, I'm B.

SPEAKER_00 0:07

And I'm Morgan.

SPEAKER_02 0:08

And welcome to our podcast where we talk about truly random and sometimes unbelievable things that happen in our lives. We will sit here and try try and get a buzz while you listen and judge. Normal life drama or straight up drama?

SPEAKER_00 0:19

This time it's actually just fucking trauma.

SPEAKER_02 0:22

Yeah, like you make that joke every time, but no, it's not. No, we're not. This is going to be a very sensitive episode, and if you need to skip it, we understand.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

Um, so we'll do our normal trigger warnings right here. Um, and then there will be some more. I'm already triggered from this episode.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

She hasn't even heard half the shit.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

Trigger warnings include, but are not limited to sarcasm, booze, swearing, sickness, mental health, physical health, breakdowns, and crash-outs, possible mentions of blood, vomit, and cheaters. Okay. Additional. Additional ones are gonna end up being actual physical abuse.

SPEAKER_02 1:02

Te technical child abuse. It was the 90s. It was a gray area.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

It is a gray area, but it's still child abuse.

SPEAKER_02 1:09

I said technically.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

You were abandoned, bitch.

SPEAKER_02 1:12

More than once.

SPEAKER_00 1:13

Exactly. Um child endangerment and abuse. How about that? That's fair. And drugs. Um, and before we get to that, um, we have new equipment. So uh the levels and the sounds are gonna sound different.

SPEAKER_02 1:30

This is our first time using it, so bear with us. It's a learning curve.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Yep, so uh from here the things are gonna start to sound a little different, a little weird.

SPEAKER_02 1:37

A little better.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

A little better. It might end up being worse depending on how I fuck with it. I'm trying my best.

SPEAKER_02 1:44

Morgan, the sound guy. I do everything else. Morgan is the real talent behind the show. I'm just the face.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

You're the face in the trauma. I have the talent of behind the scenes. I'm okay with that.

SPEAKER_02 1:57

She is. Well, I mean, I tried to give you a chance to see on the scenes and she was not a fan. Um, also, before we forget, because we didn't.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

Well, that's oh yeah, I was gonna say we um have a sangria that made for us. It is uh Stella Rose Black, a uh uh apple cider original uh from Angry Orchard, and a crayon apple with cut-up grapes and strawberries with frozen grapes as ice cubes.

SPEAKER_02 2:34

As you should. Also, this is going to be a special episode uh in related to Mother's Day.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Yes. Uh normally it'd be like a happy Mother's Day.

SPEAKER_02 2:43

Not today.

SPEAKER_00 2:44

Not today. Um we have childhood snacks.

SPEAKER_02 2:50

And our little rompers that you can't see because I'm cold and I'm in a blanket.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

Yeah, uh, I mean, I would take my blanket off, but that my legs might blind everybody with how pale they are.

SPEAKER_02 2:59

Same, actually. Um but our snacks. Cheez-its, gummy bears, cream pie, that is actually what it's called. Or oat oatmeal cream piece.

SPEAKER_00 3:10

Oatmeal cream pie.

SPEAKER_02 3:12

Um, just because you know who they are.

SPEAKER_00 3:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:15

Um, Swiss rolls, rice crispy treats, grapes, and strawberries.

SPEAKER_00 3:22

Some chips if we need some salt.

SPEAKER_02 3:24

And then in front of us are our cute little baby Yoda scenes.

SPEAKER_00 3:28

So we found uh I'm so excited. I got the cookies. We needed something happy before getting way into this episode.

SPEAKER_02 3:36

I gave Morgan a little bit of a tease.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

I do want her raw reaction, but I also didn't want her to like She got me a good like little bit into it, and I was like, okay, we need to stop. Not because I'm traumatized yet. She will be. I will be. But it's more of we need the raw reactions to shit that happened in your life before we even met.

SPEAKER_02 3:59

Technically before I even met my my dad.

SPEAKER_00 4:03

Before you were even existing.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 4:06

Um this is gonna be a fun one. There will be um a little bit of a Actually, I could just we could just do it now.

SPEAKER_02 4:19

Yeah, but what a little bit of what?

SPEAKER_00 4:21

Um what I've been working on for the last week.

SPEAKER_02 4:24

Oh, yeah. Let's start off with something happy before I uh ruin all of your trilli your hopes and dreams.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

Um so for the last week, I have been dealing with the internet. The interwebs, if you will. The internet is for I can't sing that song. That's an Avenue Q song. I can't sing that one. Um I finally have gotten up our store.

SPEAKER_02 4:49

She's worked really hard on this. And I've critiqued a lot because I'm an annoying little bitch.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Um, but it's also our podcast, our store. Everything is attached to our names, our faces, and now apparently my social.

SPEAKER_02 5:05

We're gonna work on that. We're gonna get an LLC.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

Yeah, we're we're gonna change some things later on in time.

SPEAKER_02 5:10

Yes, but right. But oh, did you check?

SPEAKER_00 5:13

I did not, but I will.

SPEAKER_02 5:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 5:15

Um, but we do have the swarm is finally up. You can Google it. Oh wait, oh yeah, it shows up in Google.

SPEAKER_02 5:23

And if any of you uh we will link this to YouTube.

SPEAKER_00 5:26

Uh it will be mostly linked on YouTube. I think I can add it to our description.

SPEAKER_02 5:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

For everything else. I'm gonna work on it.

SPEAKER_02 5:34

We're gonna play around with that. But if you know us in real life, and even if you don't, you can DM us.

SPEAKER_00 5:39

Um and eventually we might have discount codes.

SPEAKER_02 5:42

Eventually.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

Right now we we need to we need to make money before we ask you guys to not pay as much.

SPEAKER_02 5:49

Um because the way And we don't make very much off of this merch. Just just so you know. They're very very reasonable priced.

SPEAKER_00 5:57

Yes. Um, I have very little to s to do about the price for a lot of the items. Most of the price is actually made by how it's developed.

SPEAKER_02 6:11

It kind of auto-generates a price, and then if we don't like it, we look into whether or not we can cost effectively make it cheaper.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

Yes. And like sometimes they add like five bucks, ten bucks of this is what you'd make as a profit. Uh okay, but I don't want to.

unknown 6:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

If it's gonna be sixty bucks for one thing.

SPEAKER_02 6:31

Yeah. So actually, right now, currently, nothing is uh over sixty dollars. There is one thing in the shop that is close to sixty dollars, but the rest of it is in like the twenty, thirty.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

Yeah, I I try to keep it reasonable, especially because we have a lot of friends who are not getting paid right now.

SPEAKER_02 6:45

We're gonna look into if we can make that expensive item uh cheaper than the the current price, but it won't be much cheaper just because it costs a lot to make.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

Yeah, it's it's like 20 bucks to just make the one item. It's 35. Oh, I think I moved it down. Oh, okay. But like its development price?

SPEAKER_02 7:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:05

Yeah. Um, so it will stay the swarm. It will, it's up, it's running. Um, we're working on how you pay. That's a whole other thing. Um, they gave us a way to do it, and uh, it's not that it's bad, it's just not as accessible for everyone. So we're working on it. But I think that's the only other uh we have the buzz we're gonna be doing on the first.

SPEAKER_02 7:32

Yes. Um, but that'll be after this. Yes. We would have already done it what by the time this episode airs.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

That's okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:41

The next one will be hold on. Phone for calendar only, not because I'm ignoring you all.

SPEAKER_01 7:46

I think it's the fourth.

SPEAKER_02 7:48

It's the fifth.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

The fifth, okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:51

June 5th will be our next one, and uh that one will 100% be phasmophobia.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:57

The first, it might be Sims, it might be Phasmophobia. We haven't decided yet. We're not going to physically be together for that one because life is lifeing.

SPEAKER_00 8:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:06

Um, what time did we We did not we didn't pick a time. Um a little editor's corner will come out before before the first happens, just you guys know when to stay tuned and what we'll be doing.

SPEAKER_00 8:19

And I'll put it on all of our socials. I will post something.

SPEAKER_02 8:23

Just so, yeah. And then it I mean, how long we're on that, it just depends on how interactive you guys are.

SPEAKER_00 8:28

Um, and I can I might stay on longer and just like build because I'm gonna pre-build the house. We're gonna make our Sims together.

SPEAKER_02 8:37

Yeah, the first one will probably be Sims, the second one will probably be Phasmophobia. So by the time you're listening to this, it'll be Phasmophobia.

SPEAKER_00 8:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 8:44

The next one we can talk about the first one on our little editor's corner, not this episode.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

Now that we've taken up 12 minutes of your time, it's about to get super traumatic. So this is your opportunity now to leave. To leave, or skip to the end to see, you know, what we ate, or um how I'm doing the chewing list. Or how I'm dealing with your trauma. See how much we actually drink.

SPEAKER_02 9:12

We might need to pause and have Morgan refill.

SPEAKER_00 9:16

We have stuff done here, thankfully.

SPEAKER_02 9:17

I know, that's why I said we might need to pause and have Morgan refill.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

Um, so this one might be longer than our normals, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_02 9:25

Yes, because this one's gonna go over basically my whole well, not my whole childhood, but my whole like the good chunk of my my egg donor part of my childhood, which was only like the first five, six years of my life. Um, and then she dipped.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

Until she reached out again.

SPEAKER_02 9:41

Yeah, well, we'll touch base on that. Yeah. Those were a little bit different. Different, and they were smaller. They were like, you're an idiot, please leave.

SPEAKER_00 9:48

Alright. So let's start this.

SPEAKER_01 9:51

I'm ready.

SPEAKER_02 9:52

Are you?

SPEAKER_00 9:53

No.

SPEAKER_02 9:54

Okay. So, first thing you need to know about B, and we're gonna get into all the reasons why I do not like physical touch. Physical touch is not my love language. If I give you a hug, I really love you.

SPEAKER_00 10:04

That's special.

SPEAKER_02 10:05

And even then, it's either you really needed that hug, or I was a I needed that hug, or in the case of D in that one concert, I was about to murder.

SPEAKER_00 10:15

Yeah, that's the only way to really restrain her.

SPEAKER_02 10:17

The bear hug. Which pisses me off even more, but saves a life. Um, so yeah, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate to be touched. Also, shocker, I have abandonment issues. I shouldn't have to drink at that time. I do you're gonna have a lot of those moments. That's why we got the sipping straws.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

And even better.

SPEAKER_02 10:45

Um I cannot say how many times I've stayed in a situation years, four years, past their expiration date because I am afraid of being alone. Like my fear of abandonment is crippling. Um my next thing is I'm either super, super, super empathetic or I give no fucks. Like, I have no empathy for you whatsoever. There is no in-between. Like, I do not process real life issues like a normal person. Like, I I just can't do it.

SPEAKER_00 11:19

So real life drama or straight-up drama.

SPEAKER_02 11:23

Exactly. Um, so one of my biggest pet peeves is when someone tries to blame being a shitty person on having a bad life or a shitty childhood. I'm like, no, no, no, we won't be doing that today. Um, like that sucks that that happened to you, but it's not an excuse to be a trash person. Um, the reason for that is because I too had a very shit childhood in the the early years. Later on, it was it was better. But um my egg donor was not a good person and an even worse mother. Um, have you ever met someone that is both like always the victim and me me?

SPEAKER_00 12:06

You mean big red?

SPEAKER_02 12:08

I was thinking the same thing when I was writing this shit. Um, and also, as her oldest child, I was her first meal ticket.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

Oh god.

SPEAKER_02 12:18

This woman has uh three biological children.

SPEAKER_01 12:22

Would you like to take a guess at how many of us grew up with her? Zero. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 12:30

We all ended up with our dads, but my dad was the first.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

Listen, your dad likes me at least a little.

SPEAKER_02 12:37

Yes, as proven by the dad.

SPEAKER_00 12:38

As we have proven by the like three phone calls I've been a part of. He goes, Oh, yeah, no, that's okay.

SPEAKER_02 12:45

I like how he was like, why did she answer your phone like that? And I was like, to make sure that you knew it wasn't me. And he's like, I think I know your voice.

SPEAKER_00 12:52

You would think do you though? Parents don't know.

SPEAKER_02 12:58

Um, so egg donor's priority was drugs, alcohol, and men. It was not her children. You um she was the t stereotypical piece of shit, mother. Like, seriously. This woman did not give a crap. Honestly, her children were inconvenient.

SPEAKER_00 13:17

That's what happens when you have sex. Oops, sorry, spoiler.

SPEAKER_02 13:23

Um, yeah, no, so she she was absolutely trash. Like, she did not care, and then when I got to a certain age, I got to babysit.

SPEAKER_00 13:33

What age was that?

SPEAKER_02 13:34

Like four or five.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

That's not responsible.

SPEAKER_02 13:38

No, no, it was not. Because I left my baby brother in the little swingy thing. And then when I they came home and he needed a diaper change because I didn't know to take him on a swingy thing.

SPEAKER_00 13:49

Didn't teach you any of it. Nope. Okay, just left you.

SPEAKER_02 13:52

I got my ass beat.

SPEAKER_00 13:55

Mmm, so that's where that child is.

SPEAKER_02 13:57

Literally got thrown through a freaking wall for that one.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

You know, I was always threatened with that from my mom.

SPEAKER_02 14:03

No, it was an actual experience.

SPEAKER_00 14:06

Yeah, so that would actually be abuse and not uh 90s, ha ha ha.

SPEAKER_02 14:14

Yeah, but again, the 90s were like a crazy time. So in the 90s, I don't know if that like qualified.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

No, still abuse.

SPEAKER_02 14:24

Still abuse. I mean, you're not wrong. So when I was little, my friends were cops. And by that I mean that they got called to the house a lot. I have stepdad number one was was a real winner. Real, real winner. Um, I used to protect my brother by going down and stepping in between.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

At what age?

SPEAKER_02 14:53

That was probably again like four or five.

SPEAKER_00 14:56

I got it I mean, I know you're ballsy, but like Well, okay, I was a kid, I didn't know any better.

SPEAKER_02 15:02

But that's where my protective nature comes in, and you've seen how vicious I can get when I'm protective. Um, I also That's why you have claws. Yes. For those of you watching on YouTube, I just flashed them for those of you listening at home.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

Oh, hello.

SPEAKER_02 15:16

Hey! I forgot that I talk lower than you, so this is probably for the best.

SPEAKER_00 15:20

Yeah. Um I'm trying to make sure that I don't ruin their ears with the new equipment.

SPEAKER_02 15:25

Yeah, that's fair. Um, he literally, like, at one point dragged like swung me by my hair across the room. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

So like the trunchable.

SPEAKER_02 15:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

Got it.

SPEAKER_02 15:36

Cool but like in real life.

SPEAKER_00 15:38

Okay, cool.

SPEAKER_02 15:39

Um, let's see, what else did stepdaddy number one teach me? Um, I learned how to roll a joint. Oh. Yes, my mother, and when I say my mother, I mean my actual mother, not my egg donor. She she was not thrilled by this information because I came home from a visit from my egg donor and my stepdad, because at one point they did have split custody. Um, and I was like, look what I learned. And she was like, that's nice. She's like, Don't do, don't do that. Like that, she's like, that's really good. You're right. That you're you're so proud of you, sweetheart. Don't do that.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

But like it's a very good like distinction for listeners. Egg donor is the one who did the things we're talking about, and your mother and mom is not.

SPEAKER_02 16:23

No, mom is the one that raped me.

SPEAKER_00 16:25

Like, if I've learned anything from today, listening to the very few things is to know when she's talking about her mom and when she's talking about her egg donor.

SPEAKER_02 16:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:35

Very different.

SPEAKER_02 16:36

Yeah. Like, me and mom didn't always get along, but she she never taught me how to roll a joint or burnt burnt me with cigarettes.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

Hmm. Jesus is clearly not here.

SPEAKER_02 16:48

Jesus did not take the wheel.

SPEAKER_00 16:50

He no, he went home for better shoes instead of his sandals.

SPEAKER_02 16:54

That's also a fun fact. Uh with stead stepdaddy number three. Um, don't hide in a closet when you're playing hide and seek with people who are strung out on drugs because they um when they eventually realized that they were supposed to be counting, because you know, hide and seek, that's the game that they would tell children to go play so they can get out of their hair.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

Yeah, so they could have sex, do drugs, or all the above.

SPEAKER_02 17:18

They'll think that they lost you. Oh jeez. And and to be fair, they have lost me at at some point. So Yeah. And when they find you, they they they they again beat you.

SPEAKER_00 17:31

Because it was your fault that you got lost?

SPEAKER_02 17:33

Yes. Well, I fell asleep. Like they they took too long.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

Don't do drugs.

SPEAKER_02 17:42

Oh, also, if you're in an old school house, which I don't think that there's very many anymore, because this was like old school downtown uh Pittsburgh.

SPEAKER_00 17:49

Yeah, unless they're historical, uh most of them have been.

SPEAKER_02 17:52

We had a crawl space that led to the attic. And I was playing hide and seek with my little brother, and I hid in there, and he shut the door and locked me in there.

unknown 18:03

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 18:04

And then, like, you know, I banged and screamed and cried, and you know, nobody ever came. So um Are you afraid of the dark? Yeah, a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 18:13

Okay, good. Good, good, good, good. So, like when we when we're playing Phasmophobia and you get locked in the closet.

SPEAKER_02 18:19

Why do you think I like hyper like have you heard you've heard me hyperventilate in there and I'm it's a video game, like I'm totally in my bedroom with my lights on, and I'm just like, I don't like it. Yeah, my dog's like, you're psychotic, but I love you.

SPEAKER_00 18:34

Feed me.

SPEAKER_02 18:35

He's like, Can I have a fry?

SPEAKER_00 18:37

Every time Tato is a fry dog.

SPEAKER_02 18:40

He is a cannibal because he loves all things potato, much like his mother. That's why he was named Tato.

SPEAKER_00 18:48

Fair. All right, so this is at like four or five. You've been locked in closets.

SPEAKER_02 18:53

Well, this is from basically like from three to five.

SPEAKER_00 18:56

Yeah, but you were also watching your younger siblings.

SPEAKER_02 19:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

It's not okay. Right? I get it, 90s.

SPEAKER_02 19:03

And actually, no, you know what? I lied. I was babysitting at three, because my sister was born when I was like five. Like my my mom and dad's son, and then my egg donor's daughter was born at the same year. So that was when I was five.

SPEAKER_00 19:19

So I was three and I was babysitting. See, we're not sponsored by a therapist, but we might be after this.

SPEAKER_02 19:27

So my mom, when egg donor left the first time, she tried to be responsible and take me to a therapist, and I we just didn't get along, and she basically said she's yeah, don't bring her back here.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

Did you bite her?

SPEAKER_02 19:39

No, that was the dentist.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

Okay, fair.

SPEAKER_02 19:42

Who also asked, but I not be wonder why. Were you a piranha? So something that they didn't know back in the 90s is that so when you're hypermobile, which I am, um, the anesthesia doesn't work as well or as long. So the dentist would actually hurt me, but they would think that I was being dramatic because they gave me anesthesia, not realizing that the anesthesia genuinely did not work on me.

SPEAKER_01 20:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:12

And that is just for like mouth anesthesia, like regular anesthesia, I feel like does work for me. Like in the stuff that they shoot in your veins and shit. But like for some reason, yeah. The mouth anesthesia, it just I have to be heavily medicated and sedated when I go to a dentist. Like, um, I don't have a nickname for him, but you know who I'm talking about. Has to take me to all my dental appointments. My roommate. My no, not my roommate, but the other one. My my um the one that we're going to the bar with. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. We haven't discussed a nickname with him.

SPEAKER_00 20:48

I think he's gonna be a Sith Lord.

SPEAKER_02 20:50

Yes. Sith Lord takes me to all my dentist appointments. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 20:54

I can't wait to tell him that.

SPEAKER_02 20:55

He'll just hear it on the episode.

SPEAKER_00 20:57

Oh, I know. No, we can't.

SPEAKER_02 20:59

I know, I know. I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_00 21:01

Oh, but we could.

SPEAKER_02 21:02

We could, but I'll tell him.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:04

Um no, he's a he's an amazing human who I apparently can he thought I was gonna sacrifice. That's a different episode. I'm not even surprised. I never told you about how I like we became friends.

SPEAKER_00 21:18

No.

SPEAKER_02 21:19

Okay, we're getting sidetracked. I'm so sorry. Well, okay, back to trauma.

SPEAKER_00 21:23

Yeah, I was like, this is actually like a tra a trauma episode.

SPEAKER_02 21:27

Yes. Um, no, so yeah. His version of how we met is traumatic. My version is funny. Funny. Um, all right, so Okay, so anyway, back to um Egg Donor. So Egg Donor, she did not realize that she could capitalize on a meal ticket until she let her jealousy get the best of her. Because remember, she's got she, like the other individual, has to be the main character. So she doesn't want you, but you can't want anyone else.

SPEAKER_01 21:59

So

SPEAKER_02 22:00

So unfortunately for her, because my mother is not one to be fucked with when it comes to her children. Um unfortunately for her, she thought so she ran into my dad and my uh mom when they were out and about and she's pregnant. And so she was like, Oh, he has something nice. I want that. So she sued him for or she attempted to sue him for back child support. Keep in mind I was like five four or five at this point, and like she would just drop me, like in the past, I guess not for a while, because obviously he was in a relationship at this point. Um, she would just drop me off whenever she wanted. And then just show back up. Like I don't But anyway, um, so how I met my dad, because for the longest time I thought stepdaddy number one was my dad. Imagine that.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

I don't think we have time for that. Um We might in July.

SPEAKER_02 22:58

But so basically, she um Hold on, I gotta resituate. She tried to sue for back child support, and uh my mother is a very, very smart woman, and she was like, but how do we know she's like I don't know if it was my mom that influenced this or my dad, but both both of them sat down and they're like, okay, but we want to know that sh she's mine.

SPEAKER_00 23:23

I'm gonna tell you right now, the viewers at YouTube are screaming at the screen.

SPEAKER_02 23:29

Why?

SPEAKER_00 23:30

We can't see your face.

SPEAKER_02 23:31

Okay, here.

SPEAKER_00 23:32

There you go. That's why mine is way over here.

SPEAKER_02 23:35

Hi.

SPEAKER_00 23:35

Yeah, there you go. Now we can see a beautiful face.

SPEAKER_02 23:38

Okay. But anyway, um, they were like, cool, but there's conditions, like, we need to make sure that she's actually mine.

SPEAKER_00 23:44

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 23:45

Because my egg donor was a hoe. I almost said my mama. My mother was not a hoe.

SPEAKER_00 23:49

My egg donor was a No, but it's like a habit. That's why Yeah, mama's a hoe.

SPEAKER_02 23:54

That's yeah, I wanted to say that. My mother was not a hoe.

SPEAKER_00 23:57

No. I haven't even met them.

SPEAKER_02 24:01

No, but she's like the opposite. Like, no, no, very committed. Anyway. Um, but they are like, okay, so we need a blood test and we want visitation. So, fun fact, I have several tattoos. Um, for those of you watching YouTube, you can see some of them. For those of you knowing me in person, you obviously know this. For those of you listening, fun fact, I have 12 tattoos.

SPEAKER_00 24:21

Um we have the same amount of tattoos.

SPEAKER_02 24:24

Oh, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 24:25

I just counted them the other day because someone asked. Sorry, sidetracked. Oh, okay, cool.

SPEAKER_02 24:29

So apparently me, me and Morgan have 12 tattoos. I'm gonna tell you right now, there is a difference between a tattoo needle and a syringe. And for whatever reason, and I think I get it from my dad because he's also afraid of these, and he also had tattoos at one point. Um, he got he's getting them removed.

SPEAKER_01 24:47

Oh, good for dad.

SPEAKER_02 24:48

Um, but I am deathly, especially as a child for whatever reason, afraid of syringes. It took a doctor, three nurses, and my dad to get this blood sample to make sure I was his. And I'm pretty sure I bit someone. Probably my dad. Probably my dad. Because I just remember, like, I have a very core memory of him yelling, I swear to god, this needle poked me instead of having talked to your dad a couple times, I could hear him do it now. Like, I swear to God. Like, because fun fact, the results will probably come back. At that point, critics, we know they're positive inclusive. They would be like, it's the same sample.

SPEAKER_00 25:44

Instead of like the TV, it's 99.999999999999. It's 100% the same blood sample.

SPEAKER_02 25:54

Oh, limited time merch coming to you. Oh, jeez. Totally kidding. Morgan's about to murder me offline for that one. Um, because she's I have so much merch to design. I know that's why I said she's gonna murder me offline, so this might be my last episode.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

Listen, the amount of jokes we make about your death and the fact that you nearly died in your childhood.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

Which time?

SPEAKER_00 26:17

Oh god.

SPEAKER_02 26:18

Okay, anyway. Um, so anyway, the the test came back positive, obviously, because you know, I ended up moving in with them. But um my my egg donor and all of her beautiful wisdom and trauma on the way to go meet my dad for the first time that I could remember, because again, I don't I don't remember when I'm a baby, nobody remembers.

SPEAKER_00 26:37

Well, in trauma.

SPEAKER_02 26:39

Um, she loved to tell me this this beautiful story of how my dad never wanted me, and that's why he hadn't been in my life, and that he was abusive, and that he he threw her down the stairs when she was pregnant to try and get rid of me. None of which happened, just to be clear. Okay, so my little four or five-year-old ass goes to a stranger's house, essentially, and his lovely new wife, and I like hide in a corner, because I don't I don't want them to touch me.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

I don't want to make him angry, like Well, yeah, given the the abuse so far from what stepdads one and two at that point.

SPEAKER_02 27:22

Yeah, I think stepdad two was in the picture at this point. Well, again, Agg Donor was a whore, so like it it bounced back and forth.

SPEAKER_00 27:29

Yeah, Mike. So, like between the different men she kept bringing home.

SPEAKER_02 27:34

I have pink on me.

SPEAKER_00 27:36

Don't worry, ladies and gentlemen. Um, we will be getting stams for the mics.

SPEAKER_02 27:40

We ordered them. They were supposed to be here yesterday, but a company that shall not be named for legal reasons told me today that it won't be here until tomorrow when it was supposed to be delivered yesterday.

SPEAKER_00 27:52

Yeah. We have a little bit of like a setup change. Like there's gonna be changes.

SPEAKER_02 27:56

We're we're progressing.

SPEAKER_00 27:58

Developing.

SPEAKER_02 28:00

So anyway, um, I was definitely afraid of him and his his lovely new wife, who ended up being my mother. Um and yeah, like I wanted nothing to do with him. And I think like in her twisted mind, she was hoping that um well one, she wanted to cause the most pain and drama and conflict in someone else's life. Like she couldn't like just let people be happy.

SPEAKER_00 28:22

Yeah, but just like dropping you off throwing you to the wolves, essentially.

SPEAKER_02 28:26

Pretty much, but also I think she thought that if I said I was afraid, she could get away with getting paid without actually having to do visitation.

SPEAKER_01 28:33

Oh mmm.

SPEAKER_02 28:35

But here's where she messed up because she forgot that if if my dad was in my life, she has a free babysitter.

SPEAKER_01 28:44

Mmm.

SPEAKER_02 28:45

So this woman would drop me off at all hours of the night with no warning.

SPEAKER_00 28:53

So that's abandonment still.

SPEAKER_02 28:55

And my mom had a newborn.

SPEAKER_00 28:58

Oh no.

SPEAKER_02 29:00

So you cannot be dropping people off at 10, 11 o'clock at night, especially on school nights.

SPEAKER_00 29:09

Because the baby, I mean, granted, they probably weren't sleeping anyhow, but that's not the point.

SPEAKER_02 29:13

You wanna like give them a chance.

SPEAKER_00 29:15

They're taking care of a new life.

SPEAKER_02 29:17

Yeah, a newborn. Like that's yeah, my mom got an insta family. She got a baby and a five-year-old all at once.

SPEAKER_00 29:28

Well, see, at least you weren't a teenager.

SPEAKER_02 29:31

I mean, but uh on some levels I feel like that almost would have been better because then I could at least help with the baby.

SPEAKER_00 29:36

Fair, yeah. You could have helped a little bit more with that one.

SPEAKER_01 29:39

Yeah. Oh, also, back to trauma.

SPEAKER_02 29:42

Um eventually my my mom had had enough, and she tried to petition for primary custody instead of visitation. Sorry, my brain had to A donor had primary at this point. Um they were doing like a split custody, and it was supposed to be like every other whatever we I don't know, because she never followed it. She'd just show up. And my mom was like, I need structure. The kid needs structure. Like, we all need structure.

SPEAKER_00 30:13

The ADHD, the autism, the crazy grossness.

SPEAKER_02 30:18

Um, so she was basically like, no, this isn't working. Like, we need to we need to go to court and see if we can get primary, at the very least. Like at this point, she was still trying to make it work. Um, and so they go to court, and m egg donor in all of her beautiful wisdom, wanted to treat me like a puppy. And what I mean by that is that when they asked for primary, she was like, Oh yeah, they can have it for now. And then the judge was like, no.

SPEAKER_00 30:50

Or it's a bad grape. Sorry.

SPEAKER_02 30:52

Yeah, I could have told you that by the color. Um They they either get it and that's that's it. Like they have primary and you have visitation, or maybe we can talk about 50-50, but like, she's like, No, no, I think they they they can have it. And the judge was like, okay.

SPEAKER_00 31:12

The fastest granite, okay. It could be just your memory, like, right? Like, I'll give the the devil's the child the it. I mean it, guys. Your cousin it when your hair is long.

SPEAKER_02 31:28

Um, yeah, I was like, no, we could we fix that problem.

SPEAKER_00 31:31

Yeah. Um, but it's still not how you should address a child, regardless.

SPEAKER_02 31:36

No. Um, also I found out uh later, like after the fact, that a huge role that played into them wanting primary was that um egg donor and I I wanna say stepdad, number two. I wanna I wanna say number two, but it could have been number one there, but they were interchangeable. Um they had left me at they had left all the kids at my mom's friend's house. Or not my mom, egg donor, egg donor's friend's house. And they left to go get high or drunk or whatever, and they they never came back. We were there for days until the the friend reached out to my aunt and was like, Can you come get them?

SPEAKER_00 32:17

They've been here for days. They've eaten me out of house and home.

SPEAKER_02 32:21

Right. And then my aunt reached out to my dad and they were like, Hey, can can we drop her off at yours? Because like, you know, my aunt had two kids of her own.

SPEAKER_00 32:29

Yes, they're they're already dealing with a lot.

SPEAKER_02 32:31

Like, they one, they had teenagers.

unknown 32:33

Oh god.

SPEAKER_02 32:34

And one of them was a boy.

SPEAKER_00 32:36

Mmm.

SPEAKER_02 32:37

So yeah, they had teenagers and then a donor had three kids. So like you can't have five kids in the ghetto. No, well I mean you can. You can but like realistically, it was just not financially.

SPEAKER_00 32:52

No, it's not gonna it's not responsible or especially when we all had other parents. Yeah, like you had other parents, other family, you had people in the picture that she clearly just said, meh.

SPEAKER_02 33:08

Well, and then another thing, so my my mom, bless her heart. So I would go over there and like when I would spend the night, like she'd be like, You want to cuddle and watch a movie? And I would cuddle like a dog at the bottom of her bed. And she'd be like, No, Brandy, come up here. Like, c come come cuddle, and I'd be like, No, thank you. She also bought me my first bed.

SPEAKER_00 33:29

That's at what, age five?

SPEAKER_02 33:31

Yeah. So before that, I either slept on the floor in a bathtub or again at the the bottom of those beds. Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 33:40

And you already have a hard enough time sleeping. Yeah. It's explained more now, but Jesus.

SPEAKER_02 33:47

Well, and again, like I've never liked to cuddle or touch or anything.

SPEAKER_00 33:51

No, you hate it.

SPEAKER_02 33:52

I do. I really do.

SPEAKER_00 33:54

Even like when we like casually just like tu like hand or like arm, we're just kind of like, uh-huh. Uh-huh. We we just we don't touch B.

SPEAKER_02 34:07

Yeah, no, you don't, because that's how you get hit.

SPEAKER_00 34:10

Even when you have a really rough time, I don't even think at that point you let physical touch happen.

SPEAKER_02 34:19

I don't.

SPEAKER_01 34:20

Like I can't. I can't even.

SPEAKER_02 34:24

There's only like a handful of people I've gotten cut away with. Mostly exes.

SPEAKER_01 34:29

Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:31

But even then it's like a okay, and like that was nice sometimes. Uh you go over there, I'll I'll be right here.

SPEAKER_00 34:36

Yeah, in like the most cat-like way ever. And you're allergic.

SPEAKER_02 34:43

Um, so yeah, no, my my mom gave me my first bed. And then because again, a donor cannot be outdone, when I would go over there for visitation, a bed magically appeared. What? Yeah. It was it was pretty uh Getcha cookie, gotcha cookie? Yeah. Gotcha bed, how in the middle of the night, because you know I don't sleep, I rolled over and I found a baby mother in the bed. Cause they I I don't know what they thought I was gonna do at like six or seven, like murder?

SPEAKER_00 35:14

Okay, fair. Fair.

SPEAKER_02 35:16

Um so no, I and I what I remember when I found that I I snuck downstairs and called my my dad and my mom from the kitchen phone and I was like, I don't feel comfortable, I want to come home. I mean, smart of you at six or seven, but like Yeah, I was I don't I don't feel comfortable here, like something's off. Like, because I've always felt energy. So I was like the energy, I was just like, I don't want to be here, I want to go home. Well, let's just And they came and got me, like to their credit, they were like, okay, and then egg donor was all pissed out. She's like, it's my weekend. They're like, yeah, and you know, we something came up. Like, to their credit, they didn't say that I called. They were just like, something came up, we need her home.

SPEAKER_00 35:52

I just I can't imagine why I mean I can. Let me rephrase. I don't understand why the baby monitor was needed unless underneath you was like the drugs or to be fair, I was sharing a room with the other siblings.

SPEAKER_02 36:13

However, the baby monitor should have been visible, it shouldn't have been hidden.

SPEAKER_00 36:18

No.

SPEAKER_02 36:18

That's the part that I like in my gut, I was just like, I don't feel comfortable with this situation and I need to get out of it.

SPEAKER_00 36:24

Yeah. Cause I can only imagine have you talked to her other children about the stuff that happened.

SPEAKER_02 36:32

No, because I protected them from a lot. They were fortunate enough to get out of that situation at a younger age.

SPEAKER_00 36:38

Okay, so they didn't have as much.

SPEAKER_02 36:40

No, so one of them grew up with her grandparents.

SPEAKER_00 36:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 36:45

And the other one, I wanna say my aunt actually took him. Because his dad was the abusive one, but he doesn't know that. So if he ever listens to this, sorry, kid.

SPEAKER_00 36:55

Um listen, at this point, you're approaching adulthood, I assume he's yeah, he's an adult. So like anyway. If he doesn't know Yeah, like if he doesn't know now, um, at least he can go to trauma therapy for it.

SPEAKER_02 37:10

Yeah, I was like, I don't think that he because again, his dad was not abusive towards him. So I don't know if it was a female thing or if it was a his kid thing.

SPEAKER_00 37:21

Oh, that could be true.

SPEAKER_02 37:22

Like But also I always got in the way on purpose, because again, I don't know, like, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know if he would ever have gone that far with his kid. And if it was because he was a boy versus a girl. I'm a girl.

SPEAKER_00 37:40

Well, and a lot of uh um narcissistic abusers yes, there's so many. Uh, but a lot of them will them all. You were like a freaking magnet. But they will abuse people who either remind them of someone in their life or And I did look like egg donor, so that makes sense. Yeah. Um or they will ignore those people and go for the person that looks like them, like younger them.

SPEAKER_02 38:11

So that's why I don't I don't know. So But also, and again, abuse is never okay. I'm not saying that. But egg donor was an instigator.

SPEAKER_00 38:20

Which is that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02 38:23

So, like, it was a toxic situation all around. I'm not condoning what he did by any means, but like I got it because I got in the way. She got it because she probably instigated it.

SPEAKER_00 38:34

Yeah, she probably would purposely be like, what are you gonna do? Stab me?

SPEAKER_02 38:38

That's what I'm she probably goaded him, if I'm being completely honest. Again, like to clarify, abuse is never okay in any shape or form under any circumstances, however.

SPEAKER_00 38:48

Male, female, it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_02 38:49

It doesn't boys can be abused too.

SPEAKER_00 38:51

Yeah, uh they can sexist bullshit is not gonna stand here. No, they can be abused mentally, physically, and sexually. Yes. And if you don't believe that, please stop. Just stop following, don't do anything.

SPEAKER_02 39:03

Yeah, we we we don't need that kind of negativity.

SPEAKER_00 39:05

Uh, but we're also not therapists.

SPEAKER_02 39:07

Yeah, don't don't take any advice from me, you'll end up drunk.

SPEAKER_00 39:12

That's what's happening today. I know, like that's mostly fruit.

SPEAKER_02 39:17

I'm so proud of you.

SPEAKER_00 39:19

Listen, that it was delicious.

SPEAKER_02 39:21

It really was. Um, no, but seriously, so like pause for a quick do not drink that near the mic again.

SPEAKER_00 39:31

I'm so sorry, guys. I didn't realize it would make a noise.

SPEAKER_02 39:35

It makes a slurp. But anyway.

SPEAKER_00 39:37

I'm just I'm more happy that we found them.

SPEAKER_02 39:39

They're adorable.

SPEAKER_00 39:41

To kind of help with this trauma.

SPEAKER_02 39:45

What other things happened in my life that I haven't told you about? Oh, mmm.

SPEAKER_00 39:50

Let's talk about She's eating an oatmeal cream pie.

SPEAKER_02 39:54

For those of you listening online and not on YouTube.

SPEAKER_00 39:57

Um I'm just they're gonna hear a difference in your voice.

SPEAKER_02 40:00

I know, sorry. Let's talk about the last time I ever saw Egg Donor. So Egg Donor did this really cute thing where it started out subtle. So we had the weekend visitations, and like my dad or my mom, whoever was not busy at the time, would drop me off. And then I'd I'd come home or whatever. And then they'd switch to, oh, she had to come pick me up. She would never pick me up.

SPEAKER_01 40:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 40:26

So she basically slow did like the the slow burn where she faded into the background.

SPEAKER_00 40:32

Um Which is good because that's where she should have been the whole fucking time.

SPEAKER_02 40:36

Uh, I think if mom knew half the shit that this woman had done to me, she would not have.

SPEAKER_00 40:42

Wait, does mom know any of this?

SPEAKER_02 40:44

I think she knows some of it. I don't know the to the extent though.

SPEAKER_00 40:48

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 40:49

I don't think she knows about the cigarettes. Because I think like heads would have rolled.

SPEAKER_00 40:54

Well, yeah, I know. I'm like, I know you as a person.

SPEAKER_02 40:57

She knows about the joints, obviously, because I I told her.

SPEAKER_00 41:00

Yeah, you did demonstrated your new skills.

SPEAKER_02 41:04

Yeah, I showed her first hand when I was learning at at uh at the time mommy's house. Just um I'm like, she knew that I wasn't healthy because I was constantly in the hospital. Um, egg donor never took me to school. So when I moved in with mom and dad, they I went to school for the first time, and I had to get all of my vaccines at once. Because I was not vaccinated.

SPEAKER_00 41:33

But but you don't do well with syringes.

SPEAKER_02 41:35

But that didn't help. If I was ever gonna get over that fear, that that that ship sailed. My mom is the opposite of an anti-vacciner now, so like any vaccine that came out, we got it.

SPEAKER_00 41:48

Uh, you essentially got the the f the school form of a peanut butter shot.

SPEAKER_02 41:52

Pretty much. Pretty much. Just all at once, give it. It was so bad. And then when I went to school, I was exposed to germs for the first time.

SPEAKER_00 42:02

You get sick now as an adult. I don't Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 42:06

I basically I uh it's a miracle I didn't die in the second grade. Honest? Ugh kids are so you're supposed to get all that um integration? Is that the word? Um Yeah. First it starts in preschool and then kindergarten, daycare, whatever, and I didn't get any of that.

SPEAKER_00 42:25

So So when was your first like did you start first grade? I think so, yeah. So you didn't get so you didn't do kindergarten?

SPEAKER_02 42:34

If I did, it was like part one of those part-time bullshit things.

SPEAKER_00 42:37

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 42:38

Or I was registered in school, but I never actually got to go.

SPEAKER_00 42:41

Okay, fair. So like you were there enough at some point that they moved you to the grade.

SPEAKER_01 42:48

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 42:49

And then they just kind of looked at your age and they went, all right, here's her age, here's her vaccinations. Now we're gonna test her. She's fine. She's not. Fair. We we had a lot that just didn't we were part of that not the Excel program, but you know what I mean? That it I do, because I was. It's Jumpstart.

SPEAKER_02 43:13

Yes, we were a part of Jumpstart.

SPEAKER_00 43:14

It was Jumpstart because they would send you home through the summer, the monsters. But it would be in the summer, they'd give you the here's your work your workbook. Do it.

SPEAKER_02 43:28

You know what my mom did though? That was great. She found the Jumpstart games.

SPEAKER_00 43:32

Oh, those games were the best.

SPEAKER_02 43:33

They were the the most because she made it fun. Because I didn't want to what kid wants to learn, especially one that never had to.

SPEAKER_00 43:41

Uh I know at least three little girls who do. Okay, but that's different. They cry when they come home from school. The old oh yeah, no. The oldest, if she misses a day of class, an hour of class, she's crying.

SPEAKER_02 43:57

Actually, it's it's funny that you say that, because I once I started going to school after so I got really sick first and second grade, maybe a little bit into third, and then after that, I built up the immune system with an ox. I never got sick. So I went to school every s I had perfect attendance almost my entire life to the point where my mom is not the person that you want to fuck with. Okay. So when senior ditch day came around, I think I'm the only senior that asked for permission.

SPEAKER_00 44:29

You asked permission to stay at school? No, I asked for permission to skip. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 44:34

And she looked at me and she laughed and she's like, You never skip school. Yeah, just I don't care, go for it. Like whatever.

SPEAKER_00 44:44

Meanwhile, at my school, we were finding empty handles of vodka.

SPEAKER_02 44:49

Okay, but I also went to schools where back to childhood drama when we lived in New Jersey. Um I survived my freshman year of high school falling off of an obstacle course because my spotter wasn't paying attention. Yes, we had an obstacle course. It was amazing. I loved that school. Um we had a courtyard. We had a freshman, sophomore, and senior junior building. It was like going to college. It was the most, it was the best thing ever. Anywho, um, but that came with issues. We had three bomb threats and two lockdowns.

SPEAKER_00 45:28

Uh everything happens in New Jersey.

SPEAKER_02 45:31

And this is how I got a cell phone because my mom needed to be able to get a home on me.

SPEAKER_00 45:37

What age did you get your first phone?

SPEAKER_02 45:40

14, but not because I was going to be allowed a phone. I was like 14 or 15, but it was only because my school kept having issues and I would like randomly show up at home in the middle of the day, and my mom's like, why are you not at school? And I'm like, they they shut it down. She's like, what the hell do you mean they shut it down?

SPEAKER_00 45:58

This is like this is like a real life bullshit, and like this is shit that like traumatizes kids, but oh my god. We have to wrap it up.

SPEAKER_02 46:09

We really do. Oh, and we're not we haven't even touched half of the this is gonna be a really long episode, guys. Yeah. So anyway, um no, so the last time I saw my egg donor, so like again, she slowly faded up in and out. Then when I was a little bit older, I wanna say 10, 11, um, I kinda fight with my mom. And I and I packed up my stuff and I ran away because I was gonna go find my my real mom. In quotes.

SPEAKER_00 46:39

Oh, you did not you No, I didn't tell her that.

SPEAKER_02 46:41

I know I wrote a note that like I I'm just gonna go find I'm just gonna go find her because like I I don't wanna be abandoned anymore. I want to be loved. And okay. I got picked up by canine. I got picked up by canine. And they brought me home.

SPEAKER_00 46:58

The police canine? Yeah. Oh, even better.

SPEAKER_02 47:00

Yep. He's like, I'm thinking, why you don't find me? And then he did a double ticket.

SPEAKER_01 47:05

He's like, Where are you gone? And I was like, chicken ice cream, and he's like, with all your stuff?

unknown 47:10

What's going on there?

SPEAKER_00 47:13

He knew better.

SPEAKER_02 47:14

So he took me home. And my mom sat me down and she's like, there there are better ways to do this. You don't need to reply. So she found her. Bless her heart, she found her.

SPEAKER_01 47:28

Oh god.

SPEAKER_02 47:29

And at that time she was rifting a poor preacher. So she was living with a preacher, and then she found a new guy, shocker. And she brought me all this crap, thinking that that would make me love her again. And I was just like, no.

SPEAKER_00 47:42

Yeah, that's called love.

SPEAKER_02 47:44

And actually, I don't think no, you know what? I think it was more when I was like eight or nine.

SPEAKER_00 47:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 47:48

But yeah, she brought me a brand new stereo. She brought me all these CDs.

SPEAKER_00 47:52

Um man, when you needed CDs for Right.

SPEAKER_02 47:55

She took me to um, we used to because my parents at first didn't feel comfortable with her being at the house. Mm-hmm. Um, because we had moved since the last time she was in my life. And so we used to go to Chuck E. Cheese.

SPEAKER_00 48:09

Sorry, Phasma. Or not Phasma, Five Nights.

SPEAKER_02 48:12

Yeah, date dating myself there. And um in true egg donor fashion, she disappeared again.

SPEAKER_00 48:19

Oh, shocker.

SPEAKER_02 48:20

Yeah, no, but at first she was trying to play the doning mother because the new guy had kids.

SPEAKER_00 48:25

Oh, so she was trying to love Fox.

SPEAKER_02 48:27

She wanted to prove that she was a good mother. Oh. Even though she didn't have custody of her kids.

SPEAKER_00 48:32

No, but she was trying to be a good mother to his kids because they're his and he was gonna provide uh.

SPEAKER_02 48:38

Pretty much so she didn't buy me all that crap, he bought me all that crap, but like under her guidance or whatever. But anyway, so then she disappears again. And then I guess so. I actually found out recently, so I had always thought that the the next step happened because my dad wanted to move out of state. And for those of you at h that don't know, um, when you have a child involved, you cannot leave the state that the child resides in, or the child's not supposed to leave the state without both par parents' permissions.

SPEAKER_01 49:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:06

That's what I thought happened. No, I found out recently when I was uh home for Easter that my mom had decided that she didn't like being in limbo anymore. Because in theory, because my dad started traveling a lot for work.

SPEAKER_01 49:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 49:21

So he was out of town a lot, and if egg donor had showed up, she didn't have any legal rights to stop her from doing anything. And she had a nasty habit of just showing up. So and at some point she eventually got our address because my parents had trusted her enough to come over, so like she knew where she we lived. And my mom was like, I don't I don't like that. Like, I want to have control of the situation because she's like, I'm not your legally your parent. Like I have no say.

SPEAKER_00 49:52

She's like, Like she's doing everything for you.

SPEAKER_02 49:55

No, she's like, You're my daughter, I love you, but I don't have any actual control over you.

unknown 50:02

Jeez.

SPEAKER_00 50:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 50:03

Which thank God we loved each other. Cause could you imagine a bratty preteen with that information? Uh I I never, never did that. But you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 50:12

Like Yeah, but like that wouldn't be.

SPEAKER_02 50:14

No, so anyway, so they they they put an ad in the paper because they have to do everything they can to quote unquote try and notify her, and nobody knew where she was, because again, she's a director. Well, my mom worked for the Boys and Girls Club for the Girl Scouts. So they they did a lot of events at the Boys and Girls Clubs. So we were walking in. My brother wasn't there, he was at grandma's or like an aunt's house or whatever, but she would take me because I could play with the little girls. Because uh my brother was younger. Yeah. But anyway, so we're walking in and I think we forgot something in the car, so we turned around and there's egg donor. She was picking up her other children. She finally got a little bit of custody back. At the at the boys and girls club? Yes, they were in an afterschool program at the boys and but she took one look at me turned and ran away. It was the last time I'd physically have seen egg donor. Oh. And then so they did a they did a trial to to terminate her rights and have my mom adopt me. She didn't show.

SPEAKER_00 51:21

No, she ran away already. She didn't show.

SPEAKER_02 51:24

Yeah. Ugh. Um, and that was the last time I saw her. Um, and then when I was 21, before that, like I'd reached, so we would visit Pittsburgh occasionally, and like I would see my siblings like every once in a while when I was there. Like her siblings, obviously. I lived with my brother. Yeah. So I saw his ass off the touch. Um, but my sister was in her rebellious stage, so she was like 14, 15. Yeah. Um, and she wasn't liking living with her grandparents, you know, normal preteen bullshit. And so she had gotten in contact with egg donor like a dumbass. And egg donor ran her charm. And then she called me, my sister called me crying because egg donor had stolen a hundred dollars of her house keys. So I had to call and yell at her and be the mother in this relationship. At this point, you were theirs. Then, well, because I I wasn't even that close to my sister, but like that's that's bullshit. It is. So I call her and I was like, the fuck are you doing? Like, why are you stealing money from a child? And I shit you not. Her response was, Well, you don't understand. I was like, what do you mean? And she is like, she constantly wants rides everywhere, and she wants to change her hair color. And I was like, so she's a teenager. Yep. That's exactly what I said. I was like, so she's a teenager. And I was like, you need to grow up and be the parent in this relationship or stay the fuck away.

SPEAKER_00 52:56

Honestly.

SPEAKER_02 52:57

And she was like, You're just a spoiled brat. You don't know what you're talking about. And I was like, bitch, make me fly down there. Do it. I dare you. So my sister eventually got her house keys. And then that was it. That that that was our last contact until I was 27, and I got a Facebook message basically saying that she was dying of cancer and that she wanted to reach out and um make amends and like put me in her life insurance or whatever. And my response was because and I I talked to my dad about it, and I was just like, it's a he's and to to my to their credit, my dad and my mom have never said anything negative about this woman. They've let me form my opinions about her on my own my entire life. They have never once, I'm sure not with to my face, but they've never once to me said a negative word about her. They've never once called her a bad mother. They've never once said I couldn't see her. They never I mean, they they might have, but not because of lack of time on their part. That I wasn't allowed to see her, but it wasn't anything that they did. They never prevented it.

SPEAKER_00 54:00

Um I mean, she Your mom tried to find egg donor for you.

SPEAKER_02 54:04

That's what I'm saying. Like, to their credit, they they did their best to like have my relationship and with her and their relationship with her be two separate things. Because they can hate the woman's guts and still respect the fact that she is technically the reason why I'm here. But anyway, so she re- and I talked and I was im my dad was like, you know, it's your call, like maybe you'll regret it if you don't. And I was like, no, it's a lose-lose for me. That woman died for me when I was 13 years old. I've already mourned her death. And the way that I look at it is either A, it's a con, and she wants something, and she wants to get back into my life and pull that sympathy card for whatever reason, because I don't have any money. Um or B, she really has changed, and then she dies. So either way, I lose. Yeah. So then I straight upset, I was like, I'm sorry that you're going through that. I don't need your money, give it to your other children, and I set boundaries. I was like, if you want to talk to me, you can talk to me from this time to this time. Never heard from her again. Fun fact she's still alive and well.

SPEAKER_01 55:09

That cancer was fake.

unknown 55:11

Shocker.

SPEAKER_02 55:12

Oh god. But yeah, so that's a little bit of my background. A little into my uh some of my abandonment issues. And physical touch.

SPEAKER_00 55:23

I was like, that that's kind of the whole can and a couple of worms.

SPEAKER_02 55:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:28

At that point. And this is why I feel unloved. And what's even better is you were so I am very loved. So unbelievably, but at the same time, you were such a fucking brat. And now you know why. I knew a little bit of why, but now I really know. Morgan's gonna need therapy after this. I'm not looking for a therapist, however, if someone wants to sponsor us, we will definitely go to therapy. Uh I am not actively looking for one because I can't afford it. But if it's sponsored.

SPEAKER_02 56:02

Gotta love the economy.

SPEAKER_00 56:04

The economy is why we all need therapy. Um, so this is our first official hour-long episode.

SPEAKER_02 56:11

Sorry.

SPEAKER_00 56:13

We knew it was gonna be a long one, which is why we got everything out in the beginning.

SPEAKER_02 56:17

Well, I mean, with after after editing, it might be a little bit short.

SPEAKER_00 56:20

It's gonna be an hour. There's not much to edit out.

SPEAKER_02 56:23

I know.

SPEAKER_00 56:24

I'm trying. I know. Um, but even then, we uh we've learned a lot about the maybe too much. Maybe maybe.

SPEAKER_02 56:35

Please remember your trigger warnings.

SPEAKER_00 56:37

Uh please, for the love of.

SPEAKER_02 56:40

Also, if if you love someone and you haven't told them, please do. They might need that.

SPEAKER_00 56:45

Yeah. Um, but on a side note, uh, happy Mother's Day. To our actual mothers. To our actual mothers. Um surrogate mothers. Yes. Actual mothers, surrogate mothers, our friends that are mothers. Um, those who can't be but are. Um, because you don't have to be a female to be a mom. Uh, because uh some dads do it all.

SPEAKER_02 57:12

They really do. We know some.

SPEAKER_00 57:14

Mm-hmm. We know a good couple of them.

SPEAKER_02 57:17

Um you guys are the real MVPs out there. All you uh parental figures, especially those doing it on their own.

SPEAKER_00 57:23

Honestly. Um, we we can't do a Father's Day episode. I'd have way too much to say.

SPEAKER_02 57:33

Morgan's not ready for that, so maybe next year.

SPEAKER_00 57:36

And I live at home.

SPEAKER_02 57:37

That's why I said Morgan's not ready for that, so maybe next year.

SPEAKER_00 57:42

Uh what's funny is he's heard a lot of it like to his face. But not for me. Uh, but that's our podcast.

SPEAKER_01 57:54

What are we talking about next week?

SPEAKER_00 57:56

Oh, next week is Fireball.

SPEAKER_02 57:59

Fireball.

SPEAKER_00 58:03

That is not the song. Oh, that's another. There's a Spotify account. Not for our podcast posts. No. But we have um the list of songs that we uh put with our episodes to ourselves so you can listen.

SPEAKER_02 58:23

So if you would like to listen to the songs, they're in order of the episodes. Um, if you would like to know which which song made us think of we were thinking of during the episode.

SPEAKER_00 58:32

Yes, um, it is all attached to our YouTube, which is still at hold my be.

SPEAKER_02 58:37

And I believe that one is called the Hive, right? Yes. So you have the Hive. If you find the Hive playlist on Spotify, it's more than likely ours.

SPEAKER_00 58:45

You just touched my new nose piercing.

SPEAKER_02 58:48

Bitch.

SPEAKER_00 58:49

Oh, sorry, I got my nose pierced today and I just touched it.

SPEAKER_02 58:52

I'm a bad influence. I'm gonna cry. She's gonna be fine.

SPEAKER_00 58:55

I am, it's just it's making my eyes water. Um, so we have the swarm, which is our shop. We have the hive, which is our Spotify.

SPEAKER_02 59:07

And basically our whole umbrella. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 59:09

Uh we are going to have the comb, which is Reddit stories.

SPEAKER_02 59:14

We just haven't had time to record them with so much other stuff going on. But we we did listen to that feedback. It will be a thing.

SPEAKER_00 59:19

It's just we We got a lot going on. And we were getting equipment still, and we're gonna stick with the podcast for the most part until we have everything fully set up.

SPEAKER_02 59:32

Once we get ahead again, um, we can start branching out. But right now we're we're behind, we're not ahead.

SPEAKER_00 59:38

And um, we are gonna take in the feedback that we've been given for um the buzz. Uh at the time of recording, we haven't done it yet, but we are going to take what you guys give us for all of that. Um, we still need subscribers to nickname Morgan. Um, so if you want to comment on YouTube or any of the episodes, uh you want to subscribe on YouTube.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:04

Wait, we just need to get, did we say a thousand?

SPEAKER_00 1:00:06

I I think it's a thousand subscribers.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:07

It's either a thousand subscribers on YouTube or a thousand followers on TikTok.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:12

I think I made it a hundred.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:13

Oh, a hundred. A hundred.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:15

Yeah, I made it less because followers on TikTok. Not a lot of people.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:19

A lot of people don't want TikTok, and we understand and respect that. Honestly, I only got TikTok because of COVID.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:24

Uh yeah. And now I'm obsessed. Yes, but we now have a way to make actual content on our TikTok. Learning. Like we're learning so much. Um, and thank goodness. Oh, thank goodness we have people in our lives uh who donate things tech gurus. Yes. Um we have a friend who we already thanked today, but yeah. Thank God um this is things that were donated. Because I don't think I don't think we could have afforded any of this.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:01

No, this is actually a really nice setup. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:04

Um, and we're getting tables and chairs and desks. It's a whole thing, it's ever developing. Uh, but thank you guys for hanging out and being a part of it. Sorry, this one was so long. Uh there will be a display.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:19

That was just a couple of highlights. That that's not even we didn't even dive.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:23

We did not. That's like the tip of that iceberg.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:26

I just don't think we have the time, and you guys don't have the money for therapy. Yeah, like uh we have the alcohol for it here, but but I can't say for you, and also some of you are trying to be sober, so we don't want to say that.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:39

Um if you are, let us know. Good good on you for being sober. That's a challenge. We're very proud of you.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:47

We are. We are.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:48

Couldn't be me, but that's but we are. Look, you made a life choice and you made a challenge for yourself. You've done it!