Parents Miss This Basic Truth About Parenting

In this insightful episode, we discuss effective parenting tips for raising children, emphasizing the importance of introducing values. We explore how cooperative interactions are key to good child development. This video offers practical parenting advice for fostering a positive family matters environment.

Thriving is the goal, not just surviving. And thriving requires values, skills, and the chance to fail safely so you can recover. Walking is controlled falling. Growth is controlled failing — with guardrails, feedback loops, and real obligations to other people. Without them, you don't grow up. You just get older inside the echo chamber.

Get Your Copy Of Stair Pits Below!
www.unbreakableorigins.com

🔔 SUBSCRIBE for new episodes from R.A. Thompson and the Unbreakable Origins series. New episodes weekly.

#StairPits #EchoChambers #Parenting #DarkHumor #Resilience #UnbreakableOrigins #Podcast #philosophy 

[00:00:00] Parenting As Preparation For Society
[00:02:43] Yes Men And The Echo Chamber Trap
[00:09:04] Truth Versus Real And Relativity
[00:14:36] Defining Vague Things Without Overexplaining
[00:20:52] Building A Hierarchy Of Values
[00:29:03] Values As Training Wheels For Behavior
[00:36:20] Assimilation And Rules We Agree To
[00:43:33] Morality, Responsibility, And Modern Incentives
[00:51:32] Achievement Culture Versus Obligation To Others
[01:00:20] Takeaways And The Book Pitch Finale

Transcript

SPEAKER_06 0:00

The goal of parenting, right, is to prepare the child to interact with as many people as possible in a cooperative and a creative way. So I think the idea is to introduce values to the best that they could be understood by the child and then continue to advance those so that it defines what behavior can and can't be used. Once you're in a total echo chamber, you have no concept of what's real and what isn't real. And that's something I'd kind of like to explore today. Imagine, if you will, a life where your cigarette is more important than your child, where liquor is more loved than anyone else in your life. Welcome to the Stare Pit Zone. Good day. Welcome to another exciting example of the Stare Pits podcast. I'm here with Max Christensen the third, continues to keep his job here. It's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

Yes. Am I a guest or a co-host this time? We'll see how the episode goes.

SPEAKER_06 1:17

Security might be here soon, and we are hopefully have everything in your box and whatever it is. Good.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:24

I uh last week we had the mannequin and I've been in conversations with the mannequin.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

That's fair. Hey, the mannequin arm.

SPEAKER_02 1:32

Not even just the mannequin, period, just an arm. Just the whole thing, though. Oh, wow. I'm thinking about it. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:38

Okay. Because it can be polyethnic. See, that's the advantage to it.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

See, you you were talking off camera about it. You didn't know big words. You didn't understand big words. Yeah. I just picked that one.

SPEAKER_06 1:49

That's a pretty good one. I bought that one at the Smiths today. Okay. Wow. Absolutely. But no, just so just for instance, example of it. Like ching cha-choy. And then I could have the mannequin, you know, looking Asian, and then it could have credibility.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

Absolutely. And you can talk to them about polar bears, you can talk to them about you can uh have the um I think there was there was a moo, there was a cow thing in there as well, right?

SPEAKER_02 2:17

I mean absolutely so yeah, and I gave you the voice for the other one too.

SPEAKER_01 2:22

Yes, that's so good. See, so your your conversation could be riveting, actually. Oh no, yeah, with a mannequin because you can I mean you can control whatever they say, you can control whatever they do. Absolutely. You'll win every argument, you'll sound even smarter than you already are. That's it.

SPEAKER_06 2:38

Oh, that's really brilliant. Thank you. So it could work out really, really well. Yes. So um I was thinking about I was thinking of kind of a similarity between my parents and Nazis, which is, you know, always a good thing. And the thing the thing I like the most about today's world is the lack of history that kind of exists, where people tend to throw the Nazi card whenever they wanted. Yeah. But you could use the whole um communist thing anytime you wanted, where if you look at the people that were killed in the gulags and the people that China continues to kill, and the results of that, that the Nazis were cruel and vicious, but in comparison to mass murderers that are really like second or third team. They just didn't hide the ball. On the other hand, they had much better looking uniforms.

SPEAKER_02 3:39

Yes, I agree on both accounts.

SPEAKER_06 3:40

Yeah, I mean there's some real Hugo Boss kind of a thing. You know, they they look sharp. And I think that's the problem, is they just look better. Yes. You know, so I think that's it. But I think that what happens is it's a combination of things. So if you look at the Nazis, Michael Jackson, and Madonna. Now most people can't put those into the same group. I'm very curious at the moment. You're probably wondering how I couldn't. Let's see where this goes. Yeah. It's be really good. So this is the commonality. All three of them surrounded themselves with yes men versus people that would do something. So whenever Hitler came up with a clever idea, people that didn't think that Hitler's idea was clever simply went away. Right? Michael Jackson had people around him, and anytime they suggested, Michael, maybe you shouldn't have sleepovers with little boys. Oh, I don't know, it's really good. Well, um, Michael, it cost us we'll have enough money, I'll release another single. Okay. And then the next thing you know, Michael Jackson doesn't have any money because magically it's going to happy campers. Okay. Same thing with Madonna. As Madonna's career began to go down the side, Madonna was a genius, surrounded by people that never provided any sense of feedback, and all of a sudden her career just kind of crapped out. I mean, the the songs weren't catchy enough anymore. They weren't fun, they weren't, you know, danceable, they were like brood fests. And she just wasn't a pop character the whole way. And I think that that whole concept that once you're in a total echo chamber, you have no concept of what's real and what isn't real. And that's something I'd kind of like to explore today. If that's okay with you.

SPEAKER_02 5:39

Hey, I'm ready. Absolutely. Okay, because I'm when I said something and you didn't respond.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

Hey, I'm just I'm just listening, getting soaked into the to the to the concept here in order to answer the questions I know are coming. That's good. Right? There's always a pop quiz that's gonna happen. Just prep myself for it.

SPEAKER_06 5:55

That's absolutely so what's uh 17 times four? 17 68. Okay. Doesn't matter. Yeah. That won't be on the test. Okay, thank you. That was stupid. There's no reason to ask you. Yeah, if it's math, I'm I'm done. That's pretty much that's it. Yeah. So um let's try this as a little thought experiment. Yeah. Okay. Name three things that are in the studio.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

Uh microphones, chairs, uh cameras.

SPEAKER_06 6:27

Okay. Would you like me to name three things? Please. Okay. Creation, opportunity, friendship.

SPEAKER_04 6:37

I like that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 6:39

See, that's why I'd work for Hallmark and you're not going to.

unknown 6:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 6:44

Fair. I'd be pouring concrete. R Absolutely. Yes. Which would be hard, miserable, and laborious. Just in case you were wondering. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. But but the answer is this. It's an interesting way of looking at it, right? Because you went with the the tangible physical things that were here, and I went with the more etheric more ethereal things that were here, right? And so I think that shows something where the number of things that we can be aware of at any given moment is so overwhelming. And the things that we are blind to is what we see is one is one one hundredth of a percent. Right? What we actually can deal with is one one hundredth of a percent. Yeah. And the rest of it is just inert, or we don't see any inherent value in it, correct? Correct. So as a result, when you're when you're in that environment, if you look at the Nazis, if you looked at, you know, if you looked at under Stalin, under Lenin, under anybody that happened to be there, under Mao, under Xi, under anybody that's ever run a totalitarian state, they felt that they were operating in truth. I mean, if you would have asked the Nazis, why are we killing people, there was a truth that anything other than, you know, blonde, blue-eyed people were subhuman. And as a result, there was an obligation, there was a true obligation to simply eliminate these parasites from the planet and these people that were destroying the human race. And they even, if you look at uh Wagnerian opera, the whole theory that there are even operas about it, if you look at the time when all of a sudden Darwin is doing survival of the fittest, you know, there's all sorts of ideas that if you were going to pick individual things, you could put them together, and if you're devoid of morality or common sense, you could believe all of it. Yes. Okay. So how then how then do we determine what is truth and what is real? What is truth and what is real? Yeah, so just start with the simple one. What is truth?

SPEAKER_01 9:31

Uh I'm not I'm not 100% sure if I know the the difference you're looking for in the form of truth versus real, because I almost believe that the This is somebody calling in with the answer, but we're not gonna I thought that was my replacement. No, no, no. Calling you to come let you in, come letter.

SPEAKER_06 9:50

They're right over there.

SPEAKER_01 9:51

Gotcha. Okay. Um because truth to me is real to an extent, right? I mean, uh but you could also argue that truth is very relative. Truth is almost opinion depending on who you're talking to, right? Depending on the scenario, right? There can be truth from a from a factual standpoint when it comes to numbers, math, things like that. Two plus two can only equal four, right? That's truth. But then you you ask certain people on their opinions of things, and then you're kind of like, what is true? Right? Because you ask you what your truth is on an on a certain subject. Which is the only one that matters. 100%. Yes. Yes, and then maybe my truth gets asked for as well. Probably not, but just maybe my truth gets asked too, and it's a very different thing. So then what is true? Right? Um, so I don't know if I really know the difference between what is true and what is real, because I mean well, I guess let me let me answer your question with a question. What are you trying to determine is real?

SPEAKER_06 11:11

I would say real would be a set of facts that could be used to determine truth. Okay. So then what is truth?

SPEAKER_01 11:31

Truth is a is a combination of a set of facts to determine what is real.

SPEAKER_06 11:37

Very good. I mean, see, you said you weren't good at math, but I tell you, you did a perfect example of three plus two is five, two plus three is five, five minus two is three, five minus three is two. Yes. Excellent job. We'd use the associative property of addition. Thank you. Really quite good. Yes. Next. Yeah. Yes. But but but but that's but see, there is the perfect example of that. Yeah. In your description of what is truth, you said what is truth probably about seven or eight times. Yeah. Because if we were going to look at like a picture of what's happening in your mind, you keep going, what is truth, and you're saying what is truth in an attempt to try to kick start your brain into something other than saying what is truth. Yeah. And it's that that whole theory of you know your wife asking you, does this dress make me look fat? And you know the answer isn't yes. And the answer isn't no. Yeah. Okay. So then, because if you say no, the the answer is, well, what dresses do make me look fat? Yes. Right. So so there's something in there that's that's much more difficult to understand. And of course, if you were in an earlier time, the idea was to look fat. Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, at that point, it's, you know, even on a time scale, that might not be right. Yeah. That's why we don't live forever, because then the fashion choices become really, really obtuse. So difficult. Yeah. So I think what what happens a lot of times is because we have a tremendous number of things to be aware of, there are an infinite number of facts that then can be reduc can be included into any opinion or into any idea. Does that make sense? Yes. And so whereas like a triangle is very simple to understand because it's three lines, three angles, and the interior sum of all the angles is couldn't tell you. Caleb?

SPEAKER_05 13:55

Uh is it 90 degrees or 180?

SPEAKER_06 13:58

180.

SPEAKER_05 13:59

Second guess.

SPEAKER_02 14:00

Pretty good. Way to go, Caleb. Yeah, good choice.

SPEAKER_06 14:02

Wait a way way to show up, Matt.

SPEAKER_02 14:04

Hey, at least you at least you gave an answer. Hey, no, that was real much better. I mean mine was C, none of the above. Yes.

SPEAKER_06 14:10

You know, because the answer is you just don't acknowledge angle. I'm not using that. Exactly. Yes. Yeah. Right. So, but but the answer is that's it's one of those things that I can define what a triangle is. If we're going to come down with the term of what is a triangle, we can then identify terms, we can identify the meanings of the terms, and then we can have a simple yesno. Did it meet these simple requirements? Yeah. Okay. When you come to something as vague as parenting, what is the definition of parenting? And then what is the application of parenting? And as a result, there are so many variables that are in there that it's very hard to understand what it means. And yet internally we kind of know what it means. And so there was an example, there was a Supreme Court judge many, many years ago, who said he couldn't define pornography, but he knew it when he saw it. It's a hell of a line right there. But but it's also true. Yeah, very true. Because the answer is, you know, David by Michelangelo could be considered pornography. For sure. The wonderful statue applicationally gave Venus to Milo could be considered pornography. Yes. But it probably isn't. You know, um exotic stranded MILFs in Mexico, a great film, by the way, um, is probably pornography. Now I I've never made it all the way through it. I would I was yeah, I was just kind of mystified by the opening sequence. It kind of but the thing is, you can't you you can identify things without necessarily trying to describe it infinitely. Yeah. So is truth then an understandable and logical hierarchy of values to determine the sequencing of facts as they define an action, behavior, or entity.

SPEAKER_01 16:42

So you're looking for one of the three action, behavior, or entity? Yes.

SPEAKER_06 16:46

That's the answer. So like the I'd say, like, for instance, when you say um, like as a simple sports example, right? If you're looking for if you're looking for a quarterback, okay, what is the number one attribute that you want in a quarterback? Intelligence. I want living. Okay.

unknown 17:09

Right?

SPEAKER_06 17:09

No, but let's say, yeah, but but let's say, but here's the thing, right? That if I'm going to be ridiculous and use living, we have to have certain ones that are going to go into it. Let's say the person is alive, they're help they're alive, that their health is not a concern. Because if they're a football player, the chances of them being perfectly healthy, other than the first time they pick up a football, is virtually nil. Yes. Right. So having health that falls within a range, okay, uh, they should have a certain amount of physical characteristics. But even looking at those physical characteristics, are we looking at arm strength or are we looking at arm accuracy as being the highest value?

SPEAKER_01 17:56

See, I I think that goes back to an opinionated truth, where I think you could put 32 people in a room and get, you know, 16 of them say one answer and 16 of them say the other, depending on the importance of what they see, what they view, depending on their own perceptions of what a quarterback is in their minds, will determine then what they believe is that truth. Exactly.

SPEAKER_06 18:25

And therein is the example, right? That's the idea of the hierarchy of values that then determine what is the sequencing of characteristics. Right? So it's and then for those of you that want to do non-sports examples, in a flower arrangement, what is the single most important thing? I don't know, I don't arrange flowers. I was just trying to do that. I really thought you were going to give me a good piece and not it's there. No. The answer is do you when you gave them to somebody, did they say awesome, and they hug you and kiss you and linger in your arms? Gotcha. Okay. If they did, it's a perfect arrangement. Okay. If they say, oh, nice and stick them on the counter and never look at them, then you wasted your money. Yep. Right. So I would say that there's for me, that's the characteristic, right? Is there a chance that the flowers led to something more, in which case it's a great arrangement? If it doesn't lead to more, then why did I buy them?

SPEAKER_01 19:23

And I actually think that's a pretty good concept because you're saying that the success of the flower arrangement is purely determined on the reaction of the person that you're giving them to. Correct. Right? Which then can be said, okay, the truth, my truth, lies in the fact this flower arrangement is what works solely based on this person's reaction. Go back to your quarterback analogy, right? I I I could say, hey, I believe that arm strength is over is better than arm accuracy. So I'm going to draft a guy with a canon of an arm who might be less accurate than guy with a weaker arm but has more accuracy. If my quarterback goes on to win a Super Bowl, then I can sit there and say, it's true. Quarterbacks with stronger arms are better than quarterbacks who purely rely on accuracy with maybe a weaker arm. Right? So just there, there are certain examples where truth simply lies in what the end result is. So then you can sit back and say, Yep, that is my truth. That is no one can ever say that uh that that I'm wrong about that or that that's false because of this reaction that took place.

SPEAKER_06 20:37

Aaron Powell See, when you make comments like that, it makes me feel really bad about interviewing for your replacement. Because I think you really have a lot on the ball there. Thank you. But but I would modify just a little bit of what you said. Please. That I think that when you have single factor analysis, right, if single single factor analysis would mean if we win the Super Bowl is the only criteria by which we are going to evaluate the effectiveness of a quarterback, right? Because if you're going to use that single factor analysis, then every year you have one successful quarterback and 31 less than successful quarterbacks. Yeah. So having a single factor is not a successful way of going forward. You kind of go back to the Michael Jackson theory that successful attorneys for Michael Jackson are ones that allow him to continually have sleepovers versus the ones that say, um, I'm sorry, this just has to stop. Yeah. You know, maybe we should just call the police and see what's happening here, right? Yeah. So that idea of where do you what is the what is the determinant of an agreement on what we're looking at? I think that's one of the pieces. And going back to the idea of parenting. You know, if you're gonna look at the example of parenting, what is the what should be the highest priority of a parent? And that's non-retorical.

SPEAKER_04 22:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_06 22:18

Yeah, has nothing to do with arm strength.

SPEAKER_01 22:22

Yeah, you know, the highest priority is yeah, what would that be? I mean, off the top of my head, it's are they keeping the child alive?

SPEAKER_06 22:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:33

Survivability. Survivability. And then but most other people might say that it is giving your ch your child every opportunity to succeed in life is the number one priority. Others would say letting your child struggle and experience hardships to create them into a more viable adult when they hit puberty. So, but for me, it's simply, I mean, you talk about the most important aspect of a parent, keeping the child alive.

SPEAKER_06 23:04

Yeah, I would say that that's that's probably one of the basic ones of being able to provide for the child. Yeah. And I would even say more than being alive, I would say keeping someone alive, I would say is a primary basic human thing. For sure. You know, I don't think that that's a I don't think that's something that's specifically unique to parents.

unknown 23:25

Right.

SPEAKER_06 23:25

I would say keeping people alive, feeding people who are hungry, is probably a universal truth, right? There's something good about that. And if that's if that's going to be your floor of parenting, then you have a very dangerous- I mean, you have a floor that's below the basement, right?

SPEAKER_03 23:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 23:42

But I would still say that you're correct on that. I would say a minimum requirement for a parent should be, and of course, it's always great when neither you and I are parents. It's always nice. But the answer is we both are coming at this from a situation where we're not immediately contained within the world of parenting, so we're looking at it from a step removed. But I would say the advantage is allowing the child to have the characteristics and the skills, gifts, and talents that would give them the opportunity to thrive. Because in a world today where there's an abundance of food, there's an abundance of shelter, there's an abundance of everything. We've never had more things. Yes. Right. Talking about basic survival things at this point, at least in this country and in uh the large parts of the Western world, is if you're going to go down to the idea of food, food's there. Yeah. Shelter is there. All those things are there. If you can avoid, you know, if you can avoid doing mind and mood altering substances, if you can graduate from high school, get a job, okay, you'll have food. You'll be able to eat. It's not that hard. Yes. It might not be perfect, but it's doable. For sure. So the question is, how do you allow, what do you do that will allow a child to thrive? And viewing that as an example, you know, like look at like I would say you were someone that succeeds and thrives. I mean, you have, despite the fact that virtually every week you're threatened to have be kicked off of this thing. But the fact is you keep sneaking back. And it could be that you have a key or that no one else shows up, or that there's a bunch of dead people in the anti-office that I haven't seen yet. Absolutely. But um, but whatever it is. But you have the capacity to thrive. You've seen other people in sports and in life that have had the capacity to thrive. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:59

What do you think is the truth of thriving when it comes to the individual who thrives or the parents who raise that thriving person?

SPEAKER_06 26:12

Let's go the if you were doing this, if you were going to have a child today, okay? Which would be impossible. But let's say if you were to have engaged in an activity that would have produced a child today. Yes. Um what would be what would be your prescription or what things would you do with that child so that it would have the greatest opportunity to thrive?

SPEAKER_01 26:44

I think I would teach him or her um a lot of what my parents taught me. I think I think I would mimic a lot of what my parents did because I felt like a lot of what my parents did benefited to my success.

SPEAKER_06 26:57

So what you're saying is you'd make them wear cowboy boots and wander around in like Idaho and cry.

SPEAKER_01 27:04

No, no, no, no. I probably wouldn't do that. You do not know what's going on. I wouldn't think of it, probably wouldn't think of it cowboy boots and do and do that. But I'd mimic a lot, not everything. Okay. Mimic a lot, not everything. But um uh but yeah, um in the most simplest terms, I mean it's kind of a whatever it takes type of model. Whatever it takes to help this kid thrive, whatever it takes to help this kid be successful.

SPEAKER_02 27:31

Um so that that sounds a lot like we're just throwing crap against the wall and hope of some of it sticks.

SPEAKER_01 27:36

I feel like that's what parenting is.

SPEAKER_06 27:38

Okay. And you're probably right. Within there, I would say parenting is probably a lot like um, you know, using the Mike Tyson idea that everybody has a plan until they get hit in the face.

SPEAKER_01 27:50

And and you know, every every single person I've ever met who is a parent, you know, they always talk about there's no manual on parenting. There, there's no book that is can ever be written on parenting that could, because just because every parenting aspect is different and every child is different to raise. So there is no no manual or kind of box you could put it in in order to be successful. Like, of course, there's generalities on what is a good parent and what is a bad parent. But when it comes to what makes parenting work, right? The like I said, when I hear from all my friends that are parents are there's not a manual on how to do this stuff. They would they all wish that there was.

SPEAKER_06 28:34

So I I tend to think that you there isn't a manual, but there are sure is hell a lot of really good ideas. For sure. And I think that the idea of saying, well, there's not a manual, to me kind of comes into the idea of um Well, I look at probably Well, here's a good question for you. Who do you think has done the best job of training me? Uh who's yeah, who's got the best job of training me? Probably your wife. No, my cat. Your cat? Because my wife will tell me to do things and I won't do them. Okay. But if my cat sits there and yowls, I will do it. Gotcha. Right. I will figure out what the cat needs, and I will then, you know, I will pick the cat up, carry it like a baby, and see if it wants new food. Yeah. Okay. If it just wants attention, I'll pet it. Whatever it wants, I will do whatever it wants. Yeah. In the middle of the night, when it's pawing at my ear and it wants to me to hold it because it wants to be warm, I will do it.

SPEAKER_01 29:39

So that so your wife, for so for Susan, that's all it takes, is just she needs to paw at your ear in the middle of the night in order to get you to do stuff.

SPEAKER_02 29:47

Okay. Gotcha.

SPEAKER_06 29:50

If she could do that, it probably would work. Okay. But yeah, but but I would say the cat has done a great job of training me. Yes. Okay. Um, not other people have had nearly the success that the cat has. For sure. So the idea of being able to provide children or to provide people with a set of values, and I think that's if I was going to look at the number one way of dealing with it is if you give somebody a set of values, that therefore precludes a tremendous amount of sin, right? It eliminates a tremendous amount of problems. And once those values at their simplest level, so a value, you know, if you're going to look at something like kindness, okay, kindness means being nice to the person, okay, in its most simple level, right? But then as you go a little bit deeper, if it's like a pyramid, as it goes a little bit deeper, there's a tremendous amount more to kindness. And if you're going to look at respect, um, then it goes and there's significant more. So I think the idea is to introduce values to the best that they could be understood by the child and then continue to advance those so that it defines what behavior can and can't be used. And when I was younger, one of the phrases that was used by a lot of people to give up things was, well, we're just going to give it to the poor. So, you know, if a parent wanted the child to get rid of something, we're just going to give it to the poor. And then it would you just wasn't around. Yeah. Well, where was that toy? Well, we gave it to the poor. Where was that shirt? We gave it to the poor. Where was, you know, whatever it was, well, we gave it to the poor. And that was the way that parents, you know, just vanished things that they didn't want anymore. You know, where was that other brother?

unknown 31:59

Well.

SPEAKER_06 32:02

But um, but whatever it was. I mean, that that's just the way that they got rid of them, was they just gave it to the poor. And that idea was that they used the virtue of charity as a tool to modify their environment that was easily digestible to the child. Sure it's lying to them, but you know, it's whatever. Yeah. It kind of maybe served two purposes. But I think that when you're looking at values that you're going to try to introduce to people, and I think this is the thing that I kind of laugh at it, where when people say there isn't a manual, I agree there isn't a manual, but there's also a enough feedback that you're going to get that your child is well, I can give you an example of it. Um when I was working in the painting industry, uh Dave and I think my brother was there. Somebody else was there that was with us. But anyway, we're standing in line at McDonald's, and we're minding our own business. And there's a woman in front of me, and she has two children, and the children are just crazily running through the store, and or the restaurant, I should say. And they're just running and bumping into people and yelling and screaming. And this is back in the days when they would have like six, six um cash registers, and there'd be six different people who come through McDonald's versus the simple go-to-the-open one versus down. So the kids are running around and they're bumping into me and they're bumping into everybody. And at one point I'm frustrated, and I said, you know, children, your rambunctious behavior is causing distress to the adults that are waiting in line. And the woman turns around and says, The children don't understand what you're saying. I said, I really wasn't talking to them. And she kind of, well, they're just children. I go, No, they're not. They're children are behaved little humans. Yes. These are like something else. I don't know what they are. Yeah. So anyway, she gets her food, and the children are continuing to run around. I get our food, and Dave takes the burgers and fries back, and I'm getting our drinks. So I now have two giant-sized, you know, Cokes in my hand. The children come running at me like psychotic piranha that are going for a distressed cow that's wandered into a pond. And they bump into me about the same time. I take a step back and I dump the sodas on the back of their heads. So I douse them both with like a 30-ounce cold Coke. Yeah. And they both start screaming. And the woman looks at me and she goes, What did you do? And I said, I think your children upset my balance and you now owe me two sodas. And this guy behind me goes, I'll buy you two more if you do it again. For sure. So in that res in that one moment, I was the children stopped screaming. So there was a way to stop them from screaming, and there was a way to stop them from running wildly throughout there. Now, I'm not always suggesting that the answer is just pouring cold liquid over people's heads, although generally it works. Absolutely. Let's put it this way, I've never not seen it work. 100%. But on the other hand, that idea of teaching the children that there's acceptable behavior and unacceptable behavior, and that being able to assimilate into the behavior that others are doing, I think is a really strong, is a strong way of looking at it. It's to give them values, to recognize how to assimilate and then how to be able to contribute within that situation. And I think that today, when you look at a lot of children, you look at a lot of the things that went out there, that for instance, if we're playing basketball and there's a ref, it's pretty simple. Fouls are determined by the ref, right? I can pretty much do anything I want to you until the whistle blows. Yes. Right. If there's no whistle, then I have to determine what's the most I can do without turning this into a fight. For sure. Right. And that's that's kind of what it comes down to. How can you what's the most I can do? So in the second situation, there's an agreement that we will participate, that here's the rules of basketball, here are the things that we will do, and we will behave in this way. And that's something that we can all agree with, right? And the guy that comes to a, you know, wants to play basketball and comes carrying a machete onto the court. Well, I mean, the answer is we're just not going to play basketball, and that you know, you need to put the machete down.

SPEAKER_04 37:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 37:17

Or, you know, I I'm going to take out my pistol and we'll see how that works. So I I think that I think that giving values and stressing the idea of assimilation within the elements of society that allow the greatest participation in the most elements of society, the most different things in society, I think should be the goal of parenting, right? Is to prepare the child to interact with as many people as possible in a cooperative and a creative way.

SPEAKER_01 38:02

Let me ask you this, all right, Thompson. Where do you believe you got your value system from? Especially because you didn't have two functioning parents at the same time in a home, right? If any functioning parents at one time in your home in your life.

SPEAKER_07 38:19

I was gopher.

SPEAKER_01 38:20

Do you yes? Do you feel like that you took a value system from them because of all the bad examples? Did somebody else teach you a value system? Did you have to create that on your own? Where did you in your, you know, in your compass, right, find a value system as you're reading stair pits? Not a lot of very stable adults throughout your childhood. So where was your value system pulled from?

SPEAKER_06 38:46

It was not even really a value system initially. It was what I could get away with. I mean, that's really what it was, is that once I recognized that my parents had no capacity whatsoever to discipline me or to do much of anything, and that all I had to do was just weather whatever blow-up they had until they could get another drink in them. You know, I could determine if my stepfather had this much in a glass, if I could get it to this much, he had one s we could start yelling one squallow later, you know, five minutes after that, whatever disciplining he had was just evaporated in the need for something else to drink. Right. Or if they were if they were down to the last two or three cigarettes, you know, that's as long as it was going to last was the cigarettes, or until they were out of matches, or whatever it was, and they would just get distracted and go do whatever else came about. So for me, it was a there weren't really any values. I knew that with my great-grandaunt who I lived with for a while, she would go out of her way to spoil me so I could do anything I wanted, and she would pretty much let me do whatever I wanted. Um my uncle would entertain me to no end. My uncle, all I had to do was just be an audience for my uncle, and that fit along pretty well. Um everybody else was had little things that kind of worked. There were different behaviors that would work with them. But when I got to school, there was I recognized that the teachers had no control over me, the principals had no control over me, the school had no control over me. So I could do anything I wanted and I could get away with it. And there was no consequence from my parents, there was no consequence from the school. It just I didn't see any, I didn't have any limiting conditions or behavior that would somehow structure me into doing things. At the same point, I found it to be incredibly rewarding to just learn things. I mean, I like to learn things or I like to read things. So that was kind of my saving grace was when in doubt, I could bury my nose into a book or I could learn something. And then I would just do that and I'd be very, very happy. And as long as I was learning something in my environment time, like your parents would never call you buddy. Did your parents ever call you buddy?

SPEAKER_01 41:33

Maybe once or twice, not really.

SPEAKER_06 41:36

Yeah. Yeah. But the answer is that my man, you would never be called buddy. Buddy was Buddy Hackett. Okay. You know, I mean there wasn't as a comedian. But um, there was nobody was a buddy. And the out-of-sight, out-of-mind, seen but not heard strategy of my life was huge. So my values were what I could do, what I could get away with, what I could do to get away with whatever I wanted to get away with. And ultimately it turned into the most successful person that I could emulate that I saw was my uncle, was extremely funny. And I would I would just try to be either quiet or funny. And if I could get, if I was in trouble, the fact the sooner that I could get somebody laughing or a little bit disoriented on it, the better off it would be. So that was basically like being a skunk that shot out humor versus you know, odor. Or the other thing is I would just become as non-responsive and stupid as humanly possible by just not understanding anything that anybody said and just dragging them into an endless pit of frustration. And it wasn't values, and it wasn't until I became much, much later that I think I found it was more important to serve others. I mean, it was very, very difficult for me to get from the point that doing whatever I wanted was the single most important thing in my life to actually serving others. But once that value changed, that's why I kind of think that the whole secret to it is just bringing values together, is that once that changed from do whatever I want to serve others, everything changed. At that point, I legitimately became happy because then I could see that there was something that I did that had an impact on it. And I think a big piece of that is when you take morality out of something, because you can make you can make a decision on does this benefit me? And if you're only dealing well, does this benefit me, then it's a huge path to well, anarchy, because ultimately if I'm only doing things that benefits me, then that should be the idea if everything should benefit you. You know, you should only do things that immediately benefit you. And it comes down to the idea that um, well, here's the theory of it, that some people say that if you took all of the religious text and just locked it up, and you took all the scientific text and you locked it up, right, for 200 years and nobody could look at it. And then all of a sudden, 200 years later, would the scientific text come back or would the religious text come back? And my theory is neither would come back because without a moral basis, it eventually turns into more nihilism than we have now, and everybody is just killing everybody, that the only real job is psycho killer at that point. And we the the problem that we have so much in society today is it's what people want to do versus what they should do. And what you want to do, on living in an only what I want to do universe, is living in the universe of a two-year-old. Because a two-year-old has enough motor skills and enough limited vocabulary that the two-year-old's messages are, I want it, I don't want it in tantrum. And that's pretty much it. Yeah. And that a two-year-old's entire goal in life is to take whatever emotional response is possible and amp it up to 50 on a scale of 10. And as a result, all you're doing at that point, if you're a parent, is just trying to make your kid miserable.

unknown 46:35

Right?

SPEAKER_06 46:36

You're just trying to, you can't have that, you can't have that, you can't have that. No, no, no. And then the child just says no. They want something, the parent tries to stop them, and the child screams no back at them. And the child screams no at the same volume that the parents, you know, would scream at them. And it's a wonderful little how do you deal with it? Yeah. And then some of the parents that will then distract them by giving them something else, but then that just encourages the child to never accept limitations. And when you look at people that are out there today, how many people let me ask you something in your generation, how many people willingly take on responsibilities?

SPEAKER_01 47:27

I would say about 30%, maybe?

SPEAKER_06 47:33

30%. So about 70% would never take on a responsibility.

SPEAKER_02 47:39

I mean never take on any responsibility? Or willingly take willingly, I should say willingly take on a new new responsibility.

SPEAKER_01 47:50

Yeah, I'd I'd say between 30 and 40 percent. Would?

SPEAKER_06 47:54

Yes. Yeah. Okay. And what back in the old day, what was the tool that people used to get people to take on responsibilities?

SPEAKER_01 48:07

Physical harm and punishment?

SPEAKER_02 48:10

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 48:11

You know, well, that's always a a tool that's been used a lot. There's a really powerful tool. Okay. Um I don't know. Sex. Really?

SPEAKER_06 48:22

Getting married. Okay. Right? That the second that you could magically have sex back in the days before birth control, where the idea of having sex was a much greater chance of pregnancy. Right. That in order to have sex, you had to get married. If you had to get married, now you're taking on a responsibility.

SPEAKER_00 48:46

Gotcha. Right.

SPEAKER_06 48:48

And today, the idea that with birth control you can have sex all you want without children being produced, so that need to take on that responsibility of becoming a father or becoming a mother, or becoming a husband, or becoming a wife has totally been eliminated.

SPEAKER_03 49:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 49:10

So as a result, the prize has been taken away. And with that, the gentle erosion of responsibilities have just gone right along with it. For sure. And that as religious services have gone away, I mean, it's hard to know which is dissolving faster or dissolved faster was the sense of marriage going away or religion going away. And I kind of think that we're at the bottom, and I think it's going to come back up going the right way. Yeah. But that idea that there's no God, there's no morality, that there is no need to do anything, there's no reason for me to have any responsibilities. I'm not responsible for anything. That I should just have things. Yeah. And that my wait time between the time that I discover what I want and when I want it is measured in milliseconds versus generations. And I think that's where we're at. I think that it comes down to kind of what we started talking about originally, which is what is truth, what is real. And if you live in an environment by which the defining characteristic of all of your activity is what you want to do. If what you want to do is have a sense of achievement by playing a game, by winning at a specific game, and you'll do everything in your power to master that game, because that will give you a sense of achievement that you mastered it and might have a sense of status. You could talk to other people that you had mastered that game. That your outside involvement with other people, the other people exist only to be an audience to your accomplishments. And you're not providing anything to them. Yes. Versus if you look at something that still exists in the terms of athletics, you have a responsibility to your teammates, you have a responsibility to the people that are watching you, and you have an obligation to do something, to follow rules and there to some progress towards mastery of whatever it is that you're trying to do. And I think that's where that's where we fall apart. And I think that my book is an example of the curiosity that a young person goes through where you can do anything you want, but there are no guideposts, there's no railings, there's no discipline other than self-discipline. And there's really no reason to have any self-discipline. And I think the big problem that we have today in a lot of things is, and I think it's one of the obligations of parenting, parents should give children the values and then the skills, the values and the skills to develop whatever talent they have so that they can overcome obstacles and that they can fail, that if you deny the child the opportunity to fail, the child never knows how to recover. Yeah. And that it's not so much that you f failing isn't imp isn't important, you'll fail enough. But to understand that when you have a controlled fail, that you can go forward. And if you look at it in the most simple way, what is walking?

SPEAKER_07 53:19

One foot in front of the other. More specifically, what is walking? In action. It's controlled falling. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 53:29

Right? I mean, that's what it is. When you when you move from one foot to the other, it's controlled falling. And the fact that that's how we learn. When you look at very young children, they can't walk because they can't control falling. Yes. So in that situation, falling greater than walking. As you get older, it's walking greater than falling. And then as you get older, older, it's falling greater than walking again. So it kind of goes the other way. Kind of go full circle. Yes. But that idea that the way we move, the way that we progress is by controlling our falling. Okay? Yeah. That I'm kind of a firm believer that God's footprints and fingerprints are all over everything. And if the way that we move is by controlled falling, then the way that we progress is by controlled failing. And that you should have enough skills and enough other people around you that when you do try something, that you can be stopped before you fall. Or that if you do fall, that they can pick you up and then you can go forward and you can learn how you fell so you don't have to do that again.

unknown 54:48

Yes.

SPEAKER_06 54:48

Which also goes back to the Nazi Madonna and Michael Jackson situation. Absolutely. That if somebody would have just said, you know, listen, this whole fixation of killing the Jews, dude, it's just going the wrong way. Yeah. It's not going to work. It's stupid. You know, or that whole, you know. One of my favorite, there was a comedian whose name was Scott Thompson, No Relations. And he used to have this character that he used to play in a comedy thing. His name was Buddy, going back to no being called Buddy. Okay. But Buddy was a very flamboyant gay bartender. And Scott Thompson came out as a gay comedian back when it wasn't popular to be a gay comedian. And Buddy was this bartender, which is very flamboyant. And at one point, he in one of his uh monologues, he came out and he said, and he's like drinking, you know, something. Last night I had the most amazing dream. I went to a Hollywood holiday celebrity hockey game, and everybody was gay except Mike Myers. What do you think that means? Jeez. Which I kind of think is perfect. One of the great bits of all time. And I kind of think that the way that it works is that when you get into that situation, that you're not willing to accept that you have something, that you're not willing to acknowledge that. That that that's where that's where things blow up. I mean, you know, it and he also had another joke that made me think about that was that it had to be incredibly horrible to be Kylie McCulkin because he was the only kid in Hollywood that Michael Jackson didn't sleep with. Same joke, just work two different things. For sure, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But um but it's I think that when you when you look at things, you have to see you have to see that failure is part of it. And that you need to take on obligations, you need to take on responsibilities. And that if you have a value system that promotes that, then you can be successful. And the idea isn't survive, it should be thrive. I mean, the difference between survival and thriving is very minimal. Yes. And the people that don't thrive, it I don't understand it. I mean, it's incredibly possible to thrive. And if all you're thriving at is that you can this is good to have reincorporation, watch this. If all you're thriving at is just making great flower arrangements, then thank God that you can do that. That's a skill, right? And if all you can do is make great pasta, then that's a great that's a skill. You know, if all you can do is have a tremendous number of hats. That's the other thing that I've noticed. Like when I look when I go through our podcast on it, yeah, I look at what hat are you wearing? For sure. It just turns into a huge thing. Yes. So that's the other piece. Is that how many hats could you possibly own?

SPEAKER_00 58:00

A whole closet full, actually. So fills one whole closet in my house. I have very limited hats.

SPEAKER_01 58:09

Yeah, I well, you have a great head of hair. That's true. When when when I had a great head of hair, I didn't dabble a lot of hats.

SPEAKER_06 58:16

Didn't not a lot of hats.

SPEAKER_01 58:18

No, no, it was the flat top with the pick.

SPEAKER_06 58:21

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 58:21

In the hair. Yes.

SPEAKER_06 58:23

Do you know what Oscar Gamble was? I don't think so. Oscar Gamble as an outfielder played for the Yankees and the Indians. Okay. And Oscar Gamble had a fro that was greater than his shoulders. Yes. I mean, it legitimately looked like, you know, his head was like, I it just it's hard to say. Oh, yeah. And when he would move, it the fro would kind of rock, and then he put on a batting helmet and it would come out underneath, and it was spectacular. Yes. And that was, you know, all I wanted at one point was to have like Oscar Gamble level fro. For sure. Yeah. And I really wondered, like, at, you know, number one, how long did it take the guy to wash his hair? Yeah. I mean, and then how I mean, what do you do? I mean, like you're you're picking at the thing forever, and then you know, you got to make sure that none of the arms are gonna work. And then when it gets to a certain stage, then you have to have other people pick it because you you can't get there. Yep. Which is, you know, you have to make enough money to have a fro that big, or you just put it back on and off.

SPEAKER_02 59:31

Yeah. Which that's the stage I'm at. Well, that's the same thing. Yeah, a lot of toupees. A lot of toupees.

SPEAKER_06 59:36

If I want to enjoy hairs, yeah, that's one thing. But anyway, so I don't know. What do you think, man? What if you were to give some summation to what we learned today? What did we learn?

SPEAKER_01 59:44

Yeah, I think truth is different than realism, but they're definitely tied together, right? Um parenting can be done in a million different ways as long as you are, but the one consistent thing you should incorporate is values and some sort of, you know, you know, philosophy within the child that can help them kind of thrive instead of simply survive, right? And then also just, you know, you know, between Nazi Germany, your parents, Michael Jackson, and Madonna, not a big gap between any of those four. Right.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:22

So I mean they each pursued their own craziness because there's no no limiting characteristics.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:28

And their craziness ends up leading to their downfall.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:30

Eventually that's true. That in time.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:33

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:34

There isn't anything left to have any additional plastic surgery. That's been the other thing. So that's it. That's possibly it. Yes. So anyway, thank you very much. Also, by the way, the answer is we are putting this lovely podcast out just so that Max and I could talk, but we don't need this to talk. We don't need Caleb back there to listen to us talk. Um, we could do it all by ourselves. Part of the idea is to buy the book. So if you do happen to like the meandering conversation andor value that there might be in this podcast, the whole purpose of it is to buy the book. Okay. Or the next podcast will look like this. Ready? This is exactly what it will be. Buy the book. Buy the book. Buy the book. Buy the book. What in the hell is wrong with you? Buy the book. Please buy the book. Don't be nice.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:25

Dude, you're a big scary black dude. That's why I have to be nice. No, dude. Just scare the shit out of him. Just give menacing black dude.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:32

I mean, I mean, would you would you good cop, bad cop here? I thought.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:35

No, no, no. No? No, no. Just do do do scary black, do, do scary black dude saying buy the book.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:45

Buy the book. What the hell? It's close. That cut it. You need to work on a little bit. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:54

Say what? Shit. By the book. See, that's scary black dude.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:08

That's some kind. That's something. No.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:11

That's the worst stereotype come up with.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:14

But got some jive there, brother. Hey, dude.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:17

That's more uh more than my fair shared time in Oakland.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:19

For sure. Yeah, in the 70s in the 70s. I was like, yeah, that's a that's a black guy from back in the day.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:26

I could have done like we be, you be, I b they be. Could have thrown in retro things.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:32

Yeah, A B C One Two Three, U and Me. Yeah, right. You know, please buy the book, right? I mean, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:38

So just just so give me like more mean black dude. Come on, that's my I I embarrass myself doing it.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:43

I mean, I don't know, I don't know what you want. I mean, do you want me to hit you with a I pity the fool?

SPEAKER_06 1:02:48

No, that's too Mr. C. No, that's that's not gonna work. But that's a black that's a mean black guy. No, he was like a comedic mean black guy. You know, do so do this, okay? Do do slimy white guy.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:00

Hey boys and girls. Thank you so much for tuning into this podcast. We really appreciate it. This book Stair Pits, UnbreakableOright.com. Buy it now.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:15

See? See, I mean, we have to leave because I need to wash now. Like really horrible. At least mine was short and like it was over. All you did is I'm just I'm seeing I have to leave now.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:29

It's interesting like I don't know what was better, my slimy white guy or your mean black guy.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:33

Well, my my mean retro mean black guy.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:35

Yeah, yes. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:38

The answer is this. I used to, um, my brother and I and our friends, we would go into Oakland to watch black exploitation films. Oh, nice. We'd be the only white people in the theater. For sure. Yeah, but it were they were spectacular movies. Yeah. But um, so during that time, that's my entire basis of it was being the only white person in theater watching movies, taking notes on the on the, you know, on what was happening. Absolutely well. Yeah. So we have great quotes to be able to sell the book now.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:07

Good. Hey, and we we don't I don't even think we have to put the podcast out. Yeah, just do this last five minutes of buy the book, buy the book, buy the book, you know.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:15

So so watch. Here's a guy with one eye doing it. Buy the book.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:22

So it's subtly different.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:23

All right, anyway. Thank you very much for tuning in. Buy the book. That's why we do it. Uh, have a great day. See you later.