"Grief and Healing"

Grief isn't something you "get over". It's something you learn to carry. This episode is for anyone learning how to live again after loss.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:17

Welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome back to Honestly Speaking, Alone Together. Welcome back, guys. Welcome back. Today we're talking about something that every human being will experience at some point in life. Grief. See, grief is one of those things that no one can fully prepare you for. You can read about it, hear people talk about it, even expect it in some situations. But when it arrives in your life, it changes everything. Grief changes how you see the world, it changes how you see time. It even changes how you see yourself. And when you lose someone you love, life suddenly divides into two chapters, friend. It divides into two: the life before the loss and the life after it. And sometimes the hardest part about grief is that the world keeps moving while your heart is still trying to process what just happened. People go back to their routines, the noise of life continues, but inside something feels permanently different. See, grief has a way of touching every part of your life. There are moments when it shows up quietly, like a memory that suddenly comes back, a song, a place, a smell, a date on the calendar. And in those moments, the weight of what's missing can feel overwhelming. But here's something I've learned about grief. Grief is not just about losing someone, it's also about love. The depth of grief reflects the depth of love that existed. So when you love deeply, loss leaves a mark on your heart. And that mark doesn't mean something is broken. No, friend. It means something was meaningful. Sometimes people feel pressure to just move on from grief, as if healing means forgetting. But healing doesn't mean forgetting. Healing means learning how to carry the love and the memories forward while still living the life in front of you. And that's not something that happens overnight. Let me tell you, grief doesn't follow a schedule. Some days you feel strong, other days a wave of emotion can catch you completely off guard. Both of those experiences are normal and both are a part of the journey. But one thing that grief has taught many people, including me, is how much we need God in the middle of this pain. See, when life breaks your heart, faith becomes more than just a concept, it becomes an anchor. It becomes the place you run when nothing else makes sense. And there are moments in grief when the only thing you can do is pray simple prayers just like this. Because I say it all the time. God help me get through today. And sometimes that's just enough. Because God meets us in the honest moments, not when we pretend to be strong, but when we bring our broken hearts to Him. And slowly, over time, healing begins to happen. Not in a way that erases the past, but in a way that helps you carry it differently. Grief may change you, but it can also deepen you. It can teach you compassion. It can remind you what truly matters. It can awaken a sense of purpose you may never have discovered otherwise. And sometimes the very pain you walk through becomes the thing that allows you to help someone else survive their storm. That's powerful. That's one of the surprising ways healing works and how God works. God can take the most painful chapters of our lives and somehow use them to bring light into someone else's darkness. That doesn't make the loss easier, though, no. But it does remind us that pain is not the end of the story. There's still purpose, there's still meaning, and there is still hope. Grief doesn't just visit our life for a moment, it settles into places we didn't know existed. At first, grief feels loud. It's the shock, the tears, the questions we don't have answers to. It's the moment that we realize life will never look exactly the same again. People stop asking how you're doing. Life moves forward, conversations change, and yet inside you're still carrying something heavy that most people cannot see. Grief changes the way you move through ordinary moments. You notice things you didn't notice before. A chair at the table that stays empty, a phone call that will never come again, a birthday, a holiday, a random Tuesday that suddenly feels heavier than it used to. It's in those small moments that grief whispers. Things are different now. And it's true. Grief changes how you see time. You realize how fragile life is. The things that once seemed important suddenly feel small. Arguments that once mattered lose their weight. You begin to understand just how precious moments with people really are. Grief also changes your heart. It can make you more tender toward other people's pain. When you've walked through loss, you start noticing the quiet sadness in others. You recognize the look in someone else's eyes when they're trying to hold themselves together because you've been there. Grief gives you a kind of understanding that can't be taught, only lived. But grief can also make you feel lost at times. You might find yourself asking questions like, Why did this happen to me? Why did life turn out this way? How do I move forward from here? Those questions are part of the journey, friend. And faith doesn't mean you never have to ask them. Faith simply means that even when you don't have the answers, you still hold on to God. Some days faith looks strong. Other days, faith may look like whispering a prayer through tears, but both are faith. And slowly something begins to happen. You start to realize that grief didn't just take something from you, it also reshaped something inside of you. It deepens your compassion, it refines your priorities, it awakens a desire to love people more intentionally while you still can. You begin to understand that life is not just about rushing through the days, no, but it's about valuing the moments we're given. And even though grief never fully disappears, it changes over time. The sharp edges soften, the memories become less painful and more meaningful. You start carrying the love differently. Not as something that only reminds you of loss, but as something that continues to shape your life in quiet ways. Grief changes you. But it does not have to destroy you. In many ways, it can become the place where your faith deepens the most, where your heart expands the most, and where your life begins to carry a deeper sense of purpose than it ever has before. Now there are moments in life that divide everything into before and after. We we mentioned that. For me, one of those moments was the day I lost my son. Um, there are some kinds of pain that words just never fully capture, and losing a child is one of those. In a single moment, life changes in a way you never imagined possible. The future you picked pictured suddenly looks different. The plans you had, the memories you thought you would make, the milestones you thought you would see, all of it shifts. And the silence that follows that kind of loss can feel overwhelming. People try to comfort you and their hearts are in the right place. Let me tell you, we know their hearts are in the right place, but sometimes there are simply no words big enough for that kind of grief. There are moments when the weight of it feels unbearable. Moments when, you know, you sit in the ch in the quiet and wonder how life keeps moving while your heart feels like it's stopped. But somewhere inside that pain, friend, something else begins to grow. Not immediately, not easily, but slowly. I began to realize that the love I have for my son didn't disappear with him. That love is still alive inside of me. And love like that has a way of shaping the rest of your life. It changes what matters, it changes how deeply you care about people, it changes the way you look at someone who is hurting because suddenly you understand pain in a way you never did before. And over time, I begin to understand something so powerful. The work I do now, the conversations I have, the encouragement I try to give others, all of it was born out of that loss. See, pain has a way of opening your eyes to the struggles of others. It gives you compassion you didn't have before, it gives you a voice that can reach someone else standing in the darkness. And while I would never choose the pain of losing my son, I have seen how God can bring purpose even from the most broken places of our lives. That's one of the reasons this podcast even exists. Because I know there are people listening who are carrying grief that feels too heavy to explain. And if that's you, I want you to hear this clearly today. Your pain matters, your story matters, and even in the middle of grief, your life still carries purpose. Sometimes the very thing that broke your heart becomes the thing that allows you to help heal someone else's. Now, one thing people don't often talk about is with grief is how grief doesn't just affect your heart emotionally. Um, and I have lived this, um, still living it to this day still some, but it affects your entire body and mind. Grief is not only an emotional experience, it's a physical one too. And I didn't understand this until I lost my son. Um, I did not understand and didn't know that this could actually happen, that it was both mentally, emotionally, and physically tied in together. Grief is not only an emotional experience, it's a physical one too. When someone you love is gone, your brain and body go into a kind of shock. The mind is trying to process a reality that feels almost impossible to accept. That's why many grieving people say things like, it doesn't feel real. Your bank, your brain is literally trying to catch up with what your heart already knows. Because of that, grief can create symptoms that people don't always expect. So you may feel exhausted all the time, even if you've barely done anything that day. Grief drains energy because your brain is working over time, trying to process loss. Some people struggle with memory or concentration. I have dealt with all of this. You might walk into a room and forget why you went there or struggle to focus on simple tasks. That's something that's um what we call grief brain. Your mind is overwhelmed and it's trying to make sense of something deeply painful. Sleep can also become difficult. Some people sleep too much because their body is emotionally exhausted. I've been there as well. Others struggle to sleep at all because their mind keeps replaying memories or asking questions that have no easy answers. Grief can even affect your physical health, friend. You might feel tightness in your chest, a heaviness in your body, headaches, changes in appetite. And I felt all of these. Some people even experience what doctors call broken heart syndrome, and it is very real, where emotional trauma actually affects how the heart functions. That's how powerful grief is. But here's something important for people to understand: these reactions are not signs that something is wrong with you, they are signs that your body and mind are responding to deep loss. Grief is love that suddenly has nowhere to go, and your whole being is trying to figure out how to carry that love in a different world that feels different now. Over time, the brain slowly begins to adjust, the body slowly finds its rhythm again. The waves of grief that once felt overwhelming begin to space out. But healing doesn't happen because you ignore grief. Healing happens when you allow to allow yourself to feel it, talk about it, and walk through it with support, faith, and patience. Your mind and body are not failing you during grief, they are doing their best to help you survive it. And slowly, friend, day by day, they help you learn how to live again. Now, another thing is that many people didn't realize that grief deeply affects your nervous system. I didn't know this as well until I lost my son, and I I found this stuff out, and it is true. When a major loss happens, your body reacts as if it has experienced a trauma. Your nervous system, the system that controls your stress response, response, your emotions, your sleep, even your heartbeat, suddenly goes into survival mode. Your brain is trying to process protect you. Uh getting tongue-tied. Your brain is trying to protect you from overwhelming pain. And because of that, many grieving people experience something called a fight, flight, or freeze response. Some people feel constantly on edge, anxious, or restless. Their body feels like it's always bracing for something bad to happen, and others feel the opposite. They feel numb, disconnected, or emotionally shut down, almost like they're moving through life on autopilot. I've experienced every last one of these. Both responses come from the nervous system trying to cope with shock and loss. So you might notice your heart racing for no reason. You might feel sudden waves of sadness or panic that seem to come out of nowhere. Your body might feel feel tense, your stomach unsettled, or your breathing very shallow. And these reactions can make people worry that something is wrong, and it's really not. Often it's simply your nervous system trying to process an overwhelming experience. Loss disrupts the sense of safety we carry in our bodies. Someone who was a part of our lives, someone our brain expected to still be here, suddenly isn't. So your nervous system has to slowly learn how to live with that new reality. And that takes time, friend. Over time, as healing begins and support surrounds you, your nervous system gradually starts to calm again. Moments of peace return. And our body remembers how to rest. Our heart learns how to carry both love and loss at the same time. And one of the most powerful things that can help calm a grieving nervous system is connection. Connection. Do you have connection? Talking with someone who understands prayer, moments of stillness with God, even simple things like breathing deeply, walking outside, or sitting quietly can help your body slowly return to a place of safety. Grief shakes the nervous system, but it doesn't mean your body is broken. It means your body is responding to love that mattered deeply. And with time, patience and support, the same body that carried your grief will also carry your healing. Let me say that again. With time, patience, and support, the same body that carried your grief will also carry your healing. So as we close today in our conversation, I want to leave you with this thought. It changes, grief changes every last one of us. Deep loss. It changes us. It changes the way we see the world, the way we see time, and sometimes even the way you see yourself. It touches your heart, your mind, and even your body in ways people don't always understand. But feeling those things don't mean you're weak. It means you loved deeply. So if you're walking through grief right now, friend, and your mind feels foggy, your body feels tired, or your emotions come in waves you didn't expect, please know this. You are not broken. Your heart is learning how to carry a loss that mattered. And healing doesn't mean forgetting. Healing means learning how to move forward while still holding love in your heart. Some days will feel lighter, some days will feel heavy, but little by little strength returns, peace returns, and purpose begins to grow again in places that once felt empty. So if today's conversation spoke to you, I encourage you to share this episode with someone who may be walking through grief as well. Because sometimes the most powerful thing we can do for each other is simply remind someone they are not alone. So next time on Honestly Speaking, we're going to talk about something many people struggle with as well quietly, and that is what to do when your faith feels weak. So this has been honestly speaking, alone together, a place for real conversations, real faith, and real life. If today's episode encouraged you, pass it on to someone who needs it. And remember, honesty brings healing, truth brings freedom, and no story is too broken for God to redeem. I'll see you next time.